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From the book Zeke and Lily: Resolutions – Part One (the 7th book in the series), here is a segment from the prologue:
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Pillow Talk
It was 1 a.m. on a Thursday morning in early June. The weather outside was warm and Zeke had opened the windows to allow the breeze to bring in fresh air.
Lily lay up against the side of his body, wearing nothing more than her diaper and a white cami. Her condition had worsened and she had become extremely weak. As with the balance of everything else in her life, some days were good and some days were bad.
Relapses of pain were as common as could be. “Foggy Brain” days, as she called them, often skewered her emotions, leaving her a hysterical mess or an unreasonable soul. And without much warning, she would drift in and out of reality.
For as grim as her situation may have been, Lily was quite happy. She was just a few months away from her wedding (having been married to Zeke at her insistence by the Justice of the Peace a few months ago). Her questionable health still left pregnancy as an option and she was living the life of her fantasy - that of a BabyGirl.
She nursed gently on her pacifier, too excited to sleep. At any moment, the phone in Zeke’s left hand would ring and they would be off to the hospital to see their niece born.
How could she possibly be expected to sleep when that was about to happen?
Still, she remained silent and tried not to move so as to allow Zeke to get some sleep. His right arm had traveled down her back just before he drifted off and his right hand was firmly placed on her diapered bottom.
This kept her close to him and made snuggling against him an easy place to get to. But for Lily’s fragile emotions, his hand had made her feel safe and had shown her where she belonged … right by his side, for life or longer.
[i]Whispers on the Pillow[i] was always a way that Lily could calmly voice the concerns of her heart. And for as exhausted as she was physically, her mind was now awake and filled with questions.
Zeke told her to always ask questions when she couldn’t come up with the answers herself. No matter what time, no matter where they were and no matter what they were doing, he told her to ask away.
Perhaps, he wasn’t suggesting that she ask him a lot of questions at 1 in the morning, but as that busy little BabyGirl mind of hers kept turning, she took the pacifier out of her mouth and spoke.
“Daddy?” she asked softly.
“Yes, BabyGirl?” Zeke asked back, not opening his eyes but with attention prepared to answer her question.
“Will I ever get better?” she asked with the whisper of a little heart.
He paused for a moment before answering. It was such a difficult question the answer. He didn’t want to lie to her, but he didn’t want to make the truth harsh sounding.
She knew her condition was incurable, but she wanted to hear him tell her that everything would be all right.
“Lilian, you will get better every day of your life because each day will be the beginning of the rest of your life,” he said softly. “Your heart will beat stronger because it’s filled with love and your eyes will dazzle all who you bat your eyelashes at because in your eyes, forever and a day resides.”
“I don’t wanna be sick anymore,” she whimpered with the smallest voice he had ever heard from her.
“Shh, shh, shh,” he said, gently patting her diapered bottom. “You stopped being sick the day they diagnosed you. And every day since then, you’ve been recovering.”
“When do I stop recovering, Daddy?” she asked with an innocence that made him catch the lump in his throat before replying.
“Well,” he started, trying to keep his words honest, but gentle. “I suppose you would stop recovering when you no longer want to get better.”
“I wanna keep getting better,” she said with resolve.
“Then I think you should keep recovering,” he said, helping her to find a happy place at the end of the thought.
“That’s a good idea, Daddy,” she said with silliness to her tone.
“Let’s try to sleep a little bit,” he said, gently. “Your sister’s going to be calling from the hospital soon and you don’t want to be too tired to go see your niece born, do you?”
“No, Daddy,” she replied with a whisper. “I also think sleeping is a good idea.”
“Me, too,” Zeke said with a yawn.
“Good night, Daddy,” she said.
“Good night, BabyGirl,” he said, kissing her forehead.
She rested her head on his chest and thought about how much he had taken care of her and about how he often exhausted himself to see to it she was comfortable.
This brought another question to mind.
“Daddy?” she asked softly.
“Yes, BabyGirl?” Zeke asked back, realizing how she simply had to get the concerns out, no matter what the time was.
“Do you ever get mad at me?” she asked with the whisper of a little heart.
“What do you mean?” she asked honestly.
“I mean … do you ever get upset with what I do? … with the exception of me waking you up in the middle of the night to ask you questions,” she replied with a slight giggle.
Zeke grinned, opening his eyes and laughing with her for a moment.
“You are a blessing in a strange disguise,” he said with a happy tone and a wide smile. “But no, I don’t get upset with you at all … even when I’m milli-seconds away from falling asleep.”
She laughed out loud, covering her mouth for the noise she made.
“I guess my timing is pretty good then, huh?” she asked with a laugh.
“BabyGirl … you’re timing is … impeccable,” he replied.
She burst into laughter again, only to cover her mouth for the noise she made.
A few moments of silence preceded her next question.
“Do you wish sometimes you had met a BabyGirl who was healthy?” she asked with sudden insecurity.
“No,” he replied, closing his eyes.
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because none of them would’ve been you,” he answered.
“But don’t you get tired of having to take care of me?” she asked with sincerity.
“I get tired, but not tired of taking care of you,” he answered. “Don’t ever fear that you are a burden to me. You are the meaning of a life worth living.”
A few moments of silence passed.
“Speaking of tired …,” Zeke began.
Lily giggled again.
“Maybe we oughta get some sleep, huh?” she asked while putting the pacifier back in her mouth.
“Maybe that’s a good idea,” he said, confirming her suggestion.
“Good night, Daddy,” she mumbled behind her pacifier.
“Good night, BabyGirl,” he said, kissing her forehead.
She placed her head back on his chest and closed her eyes, only to open them right back up and remove the pacifier from her mouth.
Another question had come to mind.
“Daddy?” she asked softly.
“Yes, BabyGirl,” he asked back, checking her diaper at this point to see if she needed changed.
Often times, she got talkative after she had used her diaper, instead of telling him she needed a new one.
“What if I lose my mind?” she asked with the whisper of a little heart.
“Then I’ll go find your mind for you,” he replied.
“What if I can’t love myself anymore?” she asked, innocently.
“Then I’ll teach you how to love yourself again,” he replied.
“What if I can’t love you anymore?” she asked quietly.
The question jarred his heart open and he paused to clear the lump in his throat before answering.
“Then I’ll keep in my heart, for the rest of my life, enough love for both of us. I’ll remember the beat of my open when I read your first email, the first sound your voice made on the phone, the excitement of meeting you at the mall, the first time I touched you, the first kiss and every single one of those things each time they happened again,” he answered, calmly and truthfully. “I’ll remember the first time you said you loved me and the last time you said you loved me and each time in between when you said it.”
He paused for a moment.
“And no matter what would happen after that, I’d always remember how I felt about you,” he said softly.
“I love you, Daddy,” she whispered.
“I love you, BabyGirl,” he whispered back.
“And I’ll always love you,” she said with the whisper of a little heart. “Good night, Daddy.”
“Good night, BabyGirl,” he whispered back, patting her diapered bottom. “I’ll always love you, too.”
--------------------------------------------
Pillow Talk
It was 1 a.m. on a Thursday morning in early June. The weather outside was warm and Zeke had opened the windows to allow the breeze to bring in fresh air.
Lily lay up against the side of his body, wearing nothing more than her diaper and a white cami. Her condition had worsened and she had become extremely weak. As with the balance of everything else in her life, some days were good and some days were bad.
Relapses of pain were as common as could be. “Foggy Brain” days, as she called them, often skewered her emotions, leaving her a hysterical mess or an unreasonable soul. And without much warning, she would drift in and out of reality.
For as grim as her situation may have been, Lily was quite happy. She was just a few months away from her wedding (having been married to Zeke at her insistence by the Justice of the Peace a few months ago). Her questionable health still left pregnancy as an option and she was living the life of her fantasy - that of a BabyGirl.
She nursed gently on her pacifier, too excited to sleep. At any moment, the phone in Zeke’s left hand would ring and they would be off to the hospital to see their niece born.
How could she possibly be expected to sleep when that was about to happen?
Still, she remained silent and tried not to move so as to allow Zeke to get some sleep. His right arm had traveled down her back just before he drifted off and his right hand was firmly placed on her diapered bottom.
This kept her close to him and made snuggling against him an easy place to get to. But for Lily’s fragile emotions, his hand had made her feel safe and had shown her where she belonged … right by his side, for life or longer.
[i]Whispers on the Pillow[i] was always a way that Lily could calmly voice the concerns of her heart. And for as exhausted as she was physically, her mind was now awake and filled with questions.
Zeke told her to always ask questions when she couldn’t come up with the answers herself. No matter what time, no matter where they were and no matter what they were doing, he told her to ask away.
Perhaps, he wasn’t suggesting that she ask him a lot of questions at 1 in the morning, but as that busy little BabyGirl mind of hers kept turning, she took the pacifier out of her mouth and spoke.
“Daddy?” she asked softly.
“Yes, BabyGirl?” Zeke asked back, not opening his eyes but with attention prepared to answer her question.
“Will I ever get better?” she asked with the whisper of a little heart.
He paused for a moment before answering. It was such a difficult question the answer. He didn’t want to lie to her, but he didn’t want to make the truth harsh sounding.
She knew her condition was incurable, but she wanted to hear him tell her that everything would be all right.
“Lilian, you will get better every day of your life because each day will be the beginning of the rest of your life,” he said softly. “Your heart will beat stronger because it’s filled with love and your eyes will dazzle all who you bat your eyelashes at because in your eyes, forever and a day resides.”
“I don’t wanna be sick anymore,” she whimpered with the smallest voice he had ever heard from her.
“Shh, shh, shh,” he said, gently patting her diapered bottom. “You stopped being sick the day they diagnosed you. And every day since then, you’ve been recovering.”
“When do I stop recovering, Daddy?” she asked with an innocence that made him catch the lump in his throat before replying.
“Well,” he started, trying to keep his words honest, but gentle. “I suppose you would stop recovering when you no longer want to get better.”
“I wanna keep getting better,” she said with resolve.
“Then I think you should keep recovering,” he said, helping her to find a happy place at the end of the thought.
“That’s a good idea, Daddy,” she said with silliness to her tone.
“Let’s try to sleep a little bit,” he said, gently. “Your sister’s going to be calling from the hospital soon and you don’t want to be too tired to go see your niece born, do you?”
“No, Daddy,” she replied with a whisper. “I also think sleeping is a good idea.”
“Me, too,” Zeke said with a yawn.
“Good night, Daddy,” she said.
“Good night, BabyGirl,” he said, kissing her forehead.
She rested her head on his chest and thought about how much he had taken care of her and about how he often exhausted himself to see to it she was comfortable.
This brought another question to mind.
“Daddy?” she asked softly.
“Yes, BabyGirl?” Zeke asked back, realizing how she simply had to get the concerns out, no matter what the time was.
“Do you ever get mad at me?” she asked with the whisper of a little heart.
“What do you mean?” she asked honestly.
“I mean … do you ever get upset with what I do? … with the exception of me waking you up in the middle of the night to ask you questions,” she replied with a slight giggle.
Zeke grinned, opening his eyes and laughing with her for a moment.
“You are a blessing in a strange disguise,” he said with a happy tone and a wide smile. “But no, I don’t get upset with you at all … even when I’m milli-seconds away from falling asleep.”
She laughed out loud, covering her mouth for the noise she made.
“I guess my timing is pretty good then, huh?” she asked with a laugh.
“BabyGirl … you’re timing is … impeccable,” he replied.
She burst into laughter again, only to cover her mouth for the noise she made.
A few moments of silence preceded her next question.
“Do you wish sometimes you had met a BabyGirl who was healthy?” she asked with sudden insecurity.
“No,” he replied, closing his eyes.
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because none of them would’ve been you,” he answered.
“But don’t you get tired of having to take care of me?” she asked with sincerity.
“I get tired, but not tired of taking care of you,” he answered. “Don’t ever fear that you are a burden to me. You are the meaning of a life worth living.”
A few moments of silence passed.
“Speaking of tired …,” Zeke began.
Lily giggled again.
“Maybe we oughta get some sleep, huh?” she asked while putting the pacifier back in her mouth.
“Maybe that’s a good idea,” he said, confirming her suggestion.
“Good night, Daddy,” she mumbled behind her pacifier.
“Good night, BabyGirl,” he said, kissing her forehead.
She placed her head back on his chest and closed her eyes, only to open them right back up and remove the pacifier from her mouth.
Another question had come to mind.
“Daddy?” she asked softly.
“Yes, BabyGirl,” he asked back, checking her diaper at this point to see if she needed changed.
Often times, she got talkative after she had used her diaper, instead of telling him she needed a new one.
“What if I lose my mind?” she asked with the whisper of a little heart.
“Then I’ll go find your mind for you,” he replied.
“What if I can’t love myself anymore?” she asked, innocently.
“Then I’ll teach you how to love yourself again,” he replied.
“What if I can’t love you anymore?” she asked quietly.
The question jarred his heart open and he paused to clear the lump in his throat before answering.
“Then I’ll keep in my heart, for the rest of my life, enough love for both of us. I’ll remember the beat of my open when I read your first email, the first sound your voice made on the phone, the excitement of meeting you at the mall, the first time I touched you, the first kiss and every single one of those things each time they happened again,” he answered, calmly and truthfully. “I’ll remember the first time you said you loved me and the last time you said you loved me and each time in between when you said it.”
He paused for a moment.
“And no matter what would happen after that, I’d always remember how I felt about you,” he said softly.
“I love you, Daddy,” she whispered.
“I love you, BabyGirl,” he whispered back.
“And I’ll always love you,” she said with the whisper of a little heart. “Good night, Daddy.”
“Good night, BabyGirl,” he whispered back, patting her diapered bottom. “I’ll always love you, too.”