Who has seen a therapist?

[Six Gun]

I was wondering who here has gone to see a therapist regarding their special little interest here. I sort of want to visit like a cognitive therapist or something, at least one session, to get this out in the open. I think I would feel better talking to a professional, and I know in reality, they are probably going to tell me "as long as you're not hurting anyone and it's not affecting your life, it's okay". My wife is the one who really wants me to go. She supports me and even participates from time to time but I'm sure she'd prefer if I had other interests. (I keep trying to tell her what I like is vanilla compared to what some people are in to...cutting, fire, blood, pain, etc.). Though it wouldn't be the point of the visit, I feel as though she might not be so worried about it if a professional told me it wasn't such a big deal. Regardless of what I am told about it, I would still feel better telling someone. It is so difficult to live with this thing and not be able to talk to anyone. The wife doesn't want to talk about it, but she supports me. (She does the minimum, but I'm not complaining). I have long since arrived at the conclusion that I could probably never be cured of this, and the only way for the fetish to make me unhappy is to suppress it. It brings me happiness when I am able to indulge, and the only time I'm unhappy is when I can't do anything with it. (Like the past three weeks and likely the next six). It has caused some strife between the wife and I, but nothing relationship-threatening. Anyway, just wondering what people have experienced. Thank you.

-Six

[awesome]

Well as someone who has had girlfriends who both have and have not been into this sort of thing I have to say that in my experience it hasn't effected the quality of sex, however that could vary from person to person. It really comes down to what you need. If you need it for sex or find that sex is less interesting without it then that could potentially cause issues. I would say as far as discussing it with a therapist, do whatever you're comfortable with. My current girlfriend is a therapist and has told me about clients who have discussed this sort of thing with her, so it's definitely on the table for discussion. In my opinion it can't hurt to talk to someone about it but YOU have to want to talk to about it with a therapist in order for any therapy down the road to be effective. Hope that helps.

[DeltaFoxtrot]

I was sent to a therapist for this (and other issues) in my early/mid teens (about 15 years ago). We talked about a lot of things and in his general opinion this sort of behavior wasn't anything to be concerned about. This did not alter my mother's opinion of the practice or her view that it was going to "ruin my life". But I suppose it was nice to hear it from a professional of sorts.

Your experience duscissing ABDL with a therapist will honestly depend on how up-to-date he/she is with current psychological and medical thinking.

As I understand it, the medical community has finally changed their stance on paraphillia, fetishism and alternative lifestyles. Possibly because of the ever growing percentage of the population that engage in "other than vanilla" activities on a regular basis.

Prior to now ABDL would have been seen as an addiction, a problem to be cured. However, from what I have heard through various contacts in the online community, the current line of thinking is as long as you are able to function as an adult in the outside world, as long as ABDL isn't controlling your life, there is no harm in it. A good therapist isn't going to try to fix you or change who you are. Because really there isn't anything wrong.

Now if you yourself have accepted ABDL as a part of your life but your partner is having problems with it... I'd say it is time to find a more accepting partner. There are lots of fish in the sea... and while ABDL girls may seem like mythical creatures they are, in fact, more abundant than you would believe. Also, if you can't find someone who subscribes to this particular kink there are plenty of people who have other kinks or are open-minded when it comes to this kind of thing.

You being ABDL does not restrict your list of possible romantic partners to just other ABDLs. If you explore some within the kink community at large you will find that there are plenty of people who are accepting and willing to play along in some form or fashion.

[Cricket]

I have, it's not the most important thing we talk about, in fact, it rarely comes up.

[Reelingsilk]

I was wondering who here has gone to see a therapist regarding their special little interest here. I sort of want to visit like a cognitive therapist or something, at least one session, to get this out in the open. I think I would feel better talking to a professional, and I know in reality, they are probably going to tell me "as long as you're not hurting anyone and it's not affecting your life, it's okay". My wife is the one who really wants me to go. She supports me and even participates from time to time but I'm sure she'd prefer if I had other interests. (I keep trying to tell her what I like is vanilla compared to what some people are in to...cutting, fire, blood, pain, etc.). Though it wouldn't be the point of the visit, I feel as though she might not be so worried about it if a professional told me it wasn't such a big deal. Regardless of what I am told about it, I would still feel better telling someone. It is so difficult to live with this thing and not be able to talk to anyone. The wife doesn't want to talk about it, but she supports me. (She does the minimum, but I'm not complaining). I have long since arrived at the conclusion that I could probably never be cured of this, and the only way for the fetish to make me unhappy is to suppress it. It brings me happiness when I am able to indulge, and the only time I'm unhappy is when I can't do anything with it. (Like the past three weeks and likely the next six). It has caused some strife between the wife and I, but nothing relationship-threatening. Anyway, just wondering what people have experienced. Thank you.

-Six

I discussed it with a therapist, but it's really a minor issue that doesn't come up in our talks very often. He basically shrugged his shoulders and said, it's not a big deal, don't worry about it too much and try to enjoy it...still, it was reassuring to hear him say that.

[dandiaper]

Therapist Schmerapist

I would think that if your wife wants to hear that it is normal then she is the one that should go to a therapist, not you. Let her find out straight from the horses mouth. Find a Kink Aware Professional and go together to discuss it or a professional sex Therapist.
If I might add here...if you and your wife are not able to discuss your own sexual needs within the context of a loving relationship then I fear that the two of you have deeper issues then just your diaper fetish. It took me a while to get my wife to understand this too, even though I was WAY open about it before we got married and she chose me even after full disclosure. Her problem was that she just didn't understand my needs and was frustrated by MY OWN inability to explain it. However, after a lot of talking and openness, she is really beginning to have a lot of fun with this and is discovering her inner Domme/Mommy. Much to my delight.
Try some intelligent reading for her such as Elise Sutton's book 'Female Domination' and see if she is at least open to reading and learning. After that she may be interested in other books on the subject. If not then I think a Therapist is not going to do much good. An open mind is a real help in these matters.
This weekend while we were rearranging the furniture my wife and I were discussing different ways that I might like to be Dominated by her..she wants to buy me a cock harness, and other such subjects. That is an open and frank discussion and really builds strength in a marriage.
These discussions have to start in the kitchen or living room or anywhere BUT the bedroom. It is hard to have a good fetish relationship if you can't look at each other in the face and say 'I need (fill in the blank) from you and it would really make me happy.' while you are washing the car or whatever.
Open and loving is the key.
Hope this helps and good luck.

[Dadyg]

Spot on dan

It really takes a lot of courage to explore these issues with a long term s.o/spouse/partner, especially if there has been 'nondisclosure' before commitment. Discussing this with a therapist alone may be benificial if it is reducing your ability to function day to day with Lifes 'nomal challengses'. Discussing this with a therapist together may be helpfull for a deeper understanding of each other from a sexual aspect even if it cannot be played out by the two of you but you both want to remain together. There is a lot joy to be had in a relationship where it is o.k feel what you feel (even if that means 'being IT' in private or with discresion). Honesty and truth shared at this level can be very liberating. Hope this helps
L

[Six Gun]

Thanks for the advice...

Thanks for the input, everyone, I'm glad in the new era of the registered guest message board that intelligent conversations are now commonplace. That said, I'm getting a little tired of the "if she doesn't accept it, find a new partner" idea. This woman is the love of my life that I have known since we were in first grade. I would gladly take as many bullets as I had to for her. I've told her that I could never begin to describe how much I love her, but I'm going to spend my whole life trying. We have no relationship issues whatsoever, and if we did, I'm sure she wouldn't let me wear them at all. Giving up diapers for her would be a no-brainer if she ever asked me, but she hasn't because she loves me and likes to see me happy. She's still of the mindset that it's a little weird and is hot and cold about the idea of her wearing diapers, but like I said she supports me, so really, that's enough. I'm really just trying to get her to feel more at ease about it. I want to get her to the point (if I could) of where she might grab my ass, feel a diaper and not say anything about it, like nothing is out of the ordinary. To me, it's just a different kind of underwear I prefer because it is more comfortable and functional. (There's more to it than that, of course, I'm just boiling it down here).
I think Dan had the best advice that I've been avoiding and that is to be more frank and honest about it. I've been uneasy about it because I know she's not 100% on board, so I'll use phrases like "I'm going to put one on" or "I'd like you to wear for me" or something. I've been avoiding using frank language, avoiding using the word "diaper" because it makes me uncomfortable. Doing this sends the message that wearing diapers is wrong, that doing so is doing something that isn't normal, reinforcing the idea that its something I shouldn't be doing. I can see how embracing it full-on could take it from something out of the ordinary to something ordinary, like how I want it. If it's just part of our every day lives, it would seem normal. Being able to say "I ordered more diapers today", followed by a question if what we wanted for dinner could integrate diapers into our lives to the point that you don't notice it any more. Sometimes the best place to hide something is in plain sight.
She isn't pushing me to see a therapist but I'm sure she would be happy if I did. I've mentioned doing it so that I could show I'm willing to work with her on this, but I think she accepts that I will never change. I guess it would signal to her that I hear her concerns and am addressing them. She has done so much to me to accommodate my desires that it only seems fair that I do something to address hers. I have told her that a therapist would only tell me what I already know, which is I can't "cure" myself of it no matter how much I want to. I told her that as long as it doesn't affect my day-to-day life, (which it isn't) it isn't a problem, and that's what I'm going to be told. Why waste the money? She understands that but like I said, I want to show that I hear her concerns.
Really, the only problems related to diapers occurs when I don't wear them. I can get anxious, irritable, and have difficulty concentrating because I have that desire on my mind and it's hard to get it out of your head without participating. It's a poor justification for wearing diapers, but it's still true. I guess it's like quitting smoking, except if you quit smoking, it's a chemical addiction instead of a psychological one, so the long-term results don't seem to be as reliable or as permanent.
Thanks again for the advice, I'm considering it all. You guys are great.

-Six

[Bill]

I've been seeing one. If you go to a therapist, go together. Don't waste any time beating around the bush either.

It helped me to better understand myself and why I am who I am. It was really a no brainer that this is what I like. I basically got abandoned at 8 for a year and was looking for a simpler time. I wasn't able to handle what happened then. More importantly, therapy has helped me to better process and handle things that happen in the present.

A therapist will not try to "cure" you of this. An honest one will tell you that fetishes have a very very low "cure" rate. What they will want to zero in on is what got this started and then more importantly, how you deal with things today. Something in your life made you seek out a diaper to deal with it back then. What it was is important, but it's more important to understand how you deal with things now.

In pretty short order, I made peace with the fetish. It's a little less fun now, but it's still there. My feelings about myself however are much better now. I look at all aspects of my life with honesty and understanding. I take on emotions and situations as a healthy adult.

About this point in the therapy, the fetish takes a back seat and you start focusing on how you process current events and deal with them now. The fetish isn't all that important anymore in therapy. As someone else suggested, it rarely comes up.

If you do this alone, you will spend hours explaining it to her. If she goes with, she will walk away knowing you are a little banged up, but healthier for it.


Bill

[nappy_and_pilchers]

my experience

me: so, yeah, i... um... like to wear nappies...
therapist: and is that a problem for you?

<lightbulb>

ie: if your therapist has their head on straight this really is only a problem if you think it is!

[Six Gun]

Six Gun

Good points again, and I thank you. I agree, "is it a problem for you" and it's kind of like, well, no. So what's the problem? Exactly.

Good point on getting her to go with me. That would be a good litmus test of how serious she is about me getting "help". If the idea of going with me doesn't appeal to her, than I guess me going to a therapist isn't all that important then. If it really is that important to her, she'll tag along. Very good points.

-Six

[johnnyleedl]

I have talked to quite a few therapists about myself over the years and it wasn't until my late 30's until I was able to broach the DL subject. But talking about it to them was what was important for me. Being able to say it to someone other then my wife was very helpful in getting over my phobia. I got many different reactions to it, from Stuff like "I am not giving you permission to do your fetish" to "As long as your not hurting others ...." theme.

I couldn't get my wife to go with me, she always said it was my problems not hers'. But talking made it easier to come ut of the closet to friends and relatives in '96. And although it is seldom mentioned by them anymore they all know and think nothing about me being a DL. It was of the most positive things I ever did, at least for me, you have to evaluate what will work for you.