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It may be just me but the scene seems very fragmented to me now. I realize it may not be a bad thing that BDSM scene is more accepting of us now and that a lot of people may have come over from that scene. And the main stream press since the early '90's when Jerry Springer and other hosts first brought us into the limelight were both good and bad things.
I remember watching these interviews with everyone, including my birth mom at the Oregon meet in '97, I was in awe of those brave souls who risked so much to talk openly and honestly about themselves and their lifestyle. They were very strong,sincere and articulate people. I felt a strong kinship and very much wanted to meet them. Meeting anyone for the first time is very stressful, scary and never easy to me. I have always been somewhat of a clown to hide my nervous nature.
I guess, part of my fears stem from moving around so much. I have lived all over the US and it takes time to develop real friendships. It seems like every time I found some friends we moved off. This continued into my adult life until my mid 30's I never spent more then a couple of years in the same area always searching for something. This made my social skills slow to develop. In a way the only friend I had for very long as a child and young adult was my diapers. But there is a very limited communication that can be preformed with them.
Oops here I've gone off on a tangent again, lets get back to what I wanted to say. I know that most of you probably prefer to stay out of the light so to speak following the path of least resistance. It is the easiest or safest road to move along, and if you do chose to meet anyone within our genre, you will do so in very small groups with someone you have established a longer term relationship with. and by this I mean chatting in stages from say forums to chartrooms to telephone to establish some kind of bond and to reassure yourself that it is a non-threatening person or persons who you are going to meet in person. I noticed it seems harder to meet people that live closed to you then say those in another state. Which makes sense, it is far easier to avoid a long distance person then someone in your own neighborhood.
I have had about 4 different meets during my active years. The first was with a girl who was from the wetting genre who had added diapers to her wetting scene. We had been chatting on irc for a few months, about 3 am there was only three of in the channel so the conversation turned very sexual. On the spur of the moment almost as a challenge a meet was set up between me and this girl. I was like a cat on a hot tin roof, this first time but everything turned out fine between us and we had a relationship that lasted about a year. We were almost 50 miles apart. The second meet was rather haphazardly setup also, with like a weeks notice it was going to happen. This was the Cleveland '96 meet Dougie and his wife/Mommy from Pennsylvania came, Tommie from Kentucky, and a new boy from rural Ohio(hi nickname escapes me at the moment). It lasted three days and was fun but full of surprises. The third one was a year later and well planed the '97 Oregon meet for 8 days where over 20 people showed through various parts of the trip. some we met for a few hours in Portland others showed up for a few days at the actual house we rented. It was fun, adventurous, thoughtful, thrilling, sad, argumentative, and more but above all it was human. We were all different and had different conceptions about what should and could happen. It was a great time of learning and growing for me, I am glad it happened an wouldn't change it for the world. The worst part was that when problems occurred it wasn't resolved soon enough so that some resentments or slights remained of incidents only to rear their ugly heads during the last few days of the event. We worked them out as a group as it should be.
That is what really bothers me about this new Littles Group mentality. Having security members, presidents, advisors, etc., it is all so organized and unnatural to me, so establishment, so many rules, so cultist, it really scares me. Is that really the way to go, am I missing something? I know I am a conventional Rebel and always will be but I miss the other rebels, especially Whisper she was outspoken, contankerous at times but wonderfully real. Stood up for what she felt and I love the way she used to throw those little twists of humor our way, it made everything fall into place. Another person I miss is Rolf, if you are still around drop me a line at johnnyleewhite@yahoo.com, Whisper I would love to hear from you and your mate too, along with anyone else I have forgotten to mention.
The last meetings I had one was kind of awkward a young guy slightly younger anyway agreed to meet up at a diner for coffee that was very close to my apartment at the time. He recognizedly me from my online photo so we got a booth to chat. I think I scared hem away by being to chatty and bold in my new found freedom, he seemed to look around alot and hardly spoke. I never really knew what he was wanting to accomplish by meeting me, as I was busy rambling off to hide my own nervousness to realize until it was too late. He bolted when he got a chance back into the shadows of the city. Tommy from Kentucky used to come up quite frequently for several years but eventually I lost contact with him. Maybe he will holler at me one day.
Well if you have read all this, thanks, if not well thats okay too.
later
I remember watching these interviews with everyone, including my birth mom at the Oregon meet in '97, I was in awe of those brave souls who risked so much to talk openly and honestly about themselves and their lifestyle. They were very strong,sincere and articulate people. I felt a strong kinship and very much wanted to meet them. Meeting anyone for the first time is very stressful, scary and never easy to me. I have always been somewhat of a clown to hide my nervous nature.
I guess, part of my fears stem from moving around so much. I have lived all over the US and it takes time to develop real friendships. It seems like every time I found some friends we moved off. This continued into my adult life until my mid 30's I never spent more then a couple of years in the same area always searching for something. This made my social skills slow to develop. In a way the only friend I had for very long as a child and young adult was my diapers. But there is a very limited communication that can be preformed with them.
Oops here I've gone off on a tangent again, lets get back to what I wanted to say. I know that most of you probably prefer to stay out of the light so to speak following the path of least resistance. It is the easiest or safest road to move along, and if you do chose to meet anyone within our genre, you will do so in very small groups with someone you have established a longer term relationship with. and by this I mean chatting in stages from say forums to chartrooms to telephone to establish some kind of bond and to reassure yourself that it is a non-threatening person or persons who you are going to meet in person. I noticed it seems harder to meet people that live closed to you then say those in another state. Which makes sense, it is far easier to avoid a long distance person then someone in your own neighborhood.
I have had about 4 different meets during my active years. The first was with a girl who was from the wetting genre who had added diapers to her wetting scene. We had been chatting on irc for a few months, about 3 am there was only three of in the channel so the conversation turned very sexual. On the spur of the moment almost as a challenge a meet was set up between me and this girl. I was like a cat on a hot tin roof, this first time but everything turned out fine between us and we had a relationship that lasted about a year. We were almost 50 miles apart. The second meet was rather haphazardly setup also, with like a weeks notice it was going to happen. This was the Cleveland '96 meet Dougie and his wife/Mommy from Pennsylvania came, Tommie from Kentucky, and a new boy from rural Ohio(hi nickname escapes me at the moment). It lasted three days and was fun but full of surprises. The third one was a year later and well planed the '97 Oregon meet for 8 days where over 20 people showed through various parts of the trip. some we met for a few hours in Portland others showed up for a few days at the actual house we rented. It was fun, adventurous, thoughtful, thrilling, sad, argumentative, and more but above all it was human. We were all different and had different conceptions about what should and could happen. It was a great time of learning and growing for me, I am glad it happened an wouldn't change it for the world. The worst part was that when problems occurred it wasn't resolved soon enough so that some resentments or slights remained of incidents only to rear their ugly heads during the last few days of the event. We worked them out as a group as it should be.
That is what really bothers me about this new Littles Group mentality. Having security members, presidents, advisors, etc., it is all so organized and unnatural to me, so establishment, so many rules, so cultist, it really scares me. Is that really the way to go, am I missing something? I know I am a conventional Rebel and always will be but I miss the other rebels, especially Whisper she was outspoken, contankerous at times but wonderfully real. Stood up for what she felt and I love the way she used to throw those little twists of humor our way, it made everything fall into place. Another person I miss is Rolf, if you are still around drop me a line at johnnyleewhite@yahoo.com, Whisper I would love to hear from you and your mate too, along with anyone else I have forgotten to mention.
The last meetings I had one was kind of awkward a young guy slightly younger anyway agreed to meet up at a diner for coffee that was very close to my apartment at the time. He recognizedly me from my online photo so we got a booth to chat. I think I scared hem away by being to chatty and bold in my new found freedom, he seemed to look around alot and hardly spoke. I never really knew what he was wanting to accomplish by meeting me, as I was busy rambling off to hide my own nervousness to realize until it was too late. He bolted when he got a chance back into the shadows of the city. Tommy from Kentucky used to come up quite frequently for several years but eventually I lost contact with him. Maybe he will holler at me one day.
Well if you have read all this, thanks, if not well thats okay too.
later
) - those people with negative perceptions of you don't matter, and those that do matter will most likely be the friends you'll make who stick with you.
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