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Welcome to a SPECIAL SESSION of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Regular meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. This SPECIAL SESSION is being called at 1:10 PM (following the dismissal of Saturday Detention) in Room 222. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.
My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the SPECIAL TVPC meeting of Saturday, June 25, 2011.
Today we have a special session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC). This session has been called to deal with a single case – that of Tonya, a well-tone, athletic blonde-haired beauty. This case (originally scheduled for June 20th) had to be postponed because the accused was not present in school – having been suspended by the Principal for a non-toilet related reason. In addition to her suspension from school, Tonya was also assigned to Saturday Detention. Accordingly, we are convening this special session of the TVPC on Saturday, so Tonya can be present. Also present in the committee room today is Nancy, a tall slender brunette, who is fresh off her recent FIGURE SKATING championship. She is the victim of the offense of which Tonya is accused.
This case is a complicated one and goes way back to April 28th when a pair of heavily soiled panties were found hidden behind a toilet in the Science Wing girls’ room. Nancy was initially accused of this very serious offense because her name was found stitched in those badly loaded panties. Those panties, however, had been stolen from Nancy’s gym locker several days before, so she was found “Not Guilty” on all charges. Actually, she was found “Guilty” of a clogging a toilet in the Main Corridor girls’ room that day (a case of her bowel movement being so large that it wouldn’t make it all the way down the toilet), but that’s a whole different story and a far less serious offense that what is the subject of this special session today. As we’ve noted, this was a complicated case and one that the TVPC – even with its best investigator Mrs. Johns assigned to the case, could not solve. Eventually, we called in a CSI team to solve the case and solve the case they have.
Miss Willows, head of that CSI team, is here to present her report in this case – a report that accuses Tonya of plotting against Nancy and planting those soiled panties behind the toilet in the Science Wing girls’ room. “Thank you for coming back for this special session, Miss Willows,” I greet her, “It’s certainly a pleasure to see you without messy panties this time.” “Yes, sir,” she acknowledges, “I just came from your girls’ room down the hall and I went both ways.” “That was so embarrassing to mess in my panties last time and it was so disgusting,” she tells us, “You won’t see my having another accident anytime soon after that one.”
Getting back to her report, Miss Willows accuses Tonya of hiding the messy panties behind the toilet. “It was all apparently part of a plot to get Nancy on toilet suspension with your committee,” our CSI investigator explains, “Tonya figured that since they were Nancy’s panties that Nancy would get accused of having an accident and hiding the messy panties there.” “Tonya knew that Nancy would get placed on toilet suspension for that,” Miss Willows continues, “And that was the whole idea of her plot – To get Nancy placed on toilet suspension.” “You should have known that no one would have believed that I did that,” Nancy chimes, speaking to her rival, “Everyone knows that I always go in the toilet and not in my panties like you do.” “I don’t go in my panties,” Tonya argues back, “OK – I’ve had the occasional accident but it’s not like I do it all the time.” “Well, maybe you shouldn’t go in your panties AT ALL,” Nancy argues, “I mean how hard is it to pull your pants down and sit on the toilet when you have to go.” “I mean, you’re in high school, you know,” she adds, “Don’t you think you’re a little old to be messing in your panties.” “At least when I go in the toilet I don’t shit like an elephant and clog it,” Tonya snipes back. “Have fun serving your time on toilet suspension,” Nancy snipes right back to her, “I hope you’ll think of me while you’re going in your pants in school everyday.”
At this point, I bang my gavel for them to stop all this and turn our attention back to Miss Willows and her report. “Obviously, they’ve got some sort of rivalry going,” Miss Willows continues, “Both of them apparently are accomplished figures skaters and they often have to compete against one another in competitions.” “Tonya no doubt figured that she’d have a better shot at winning the next competition if Nancy was on toilet suspension at the time,” the CSI investigator continues, “I bet its not easy to figure skate with a big, messy load in your panties.”
“I suppose that Tonya can try to deny it all she wants,” Miss Willows continues further, “But she had motive and she had opportunity and it’s all in my report.” “Tonya had already been punished by the Principal for cutting her 6th period class that day,” she explains, “That gave her plenty of opportunity to hide the panties there so they could be found later.” “The panties were found just before 7th period by one of your Science Teachers, Miss Robinson,” she adds. “If she tries to deny it, Tonya will only find herself getting more punishment,” I explain, obviously more to Tonya than Miss Willows, “She’s in enough trouble already without adding ‘Lying to the TVPC’ to the charges against her.”
With a very stern, no-nonsense look, I turn to Tonya. She doesn’t know how to react at first, but ultimately she realizes that her whole plot has been exposed and that she’d better tell the truth. “OK – I did it – I admit it!” she tells us. “I squatted down and did my bowel movement in Nancy’s panties,” she admits, “And then I hid the panties there behind the toilet so someone would find them and Nancy would get blamed.” We’ve already had 2 Violations Reports drawn up on Tonya – one for “Hiding Soiled Panties in the Girls’ Room” and another for “Conspiracy to Get a Girl Falsely Accused” – but I also direct that a 3rd charge be added. “You’re also being charged with Panty-Soiling,” I tell her and note for the record, “And obviously you’re being charged with doing it intentionally.” “Yes, sir,” Tonya acknowledges, with a terrible look of despair on her face.
Up until now, we weren’t sure if Tonya had messed in the panties at school or is she had messed in them at home and then brought them to school to hide in the girls’ room. Obviously, if it had been the latter, the panty-soiling would not have been at school and consequently we couldn’t have charged her with that. But now since she has admitted to soiling the panties at school (and soiling them intentionally is more serious than just having an accident in them), we can punish her for that violation, too.
Moving on to Tonya’s punishment, this is her 3rd panty-soiling offense this school year and I note for the record that it’s a particularly severe one – that is, it is quite a bowel movement she had and she did it all in those panties. Accordingly, I give her 500 times of “I will not soil my panties in school again” and a week of detention. But because she did it intentionally, she gets that doubled to 1,000 times and 2 weeks in detention. But, of course, the messy panties themselves are the least of her problems. “Hiding soiled panties in the girls’ room gets you at least 1 month and up to 2 months on toilet suspension,” I tell her and again note for the record, “And you’re getting the full 2 months on toilet suspension.” “It’s also worth a full month of cleaning bathrooms after school,” I add, “And another 1,000 sentences to write.” The sentence to be written is “I will not hide soiled panties in the girls’ room in school again.” “And for trying to get Nancy placed on toilet suspension, you’ll do an additional month on toilet suspension,” I decree, “And you’ll also write her a 2,500 word letter of apology.”
“That’s a total of 3 months on toilet suspension for your little stunt,” I remind her, “And quite a boatload of writing punishment to write and dirty toilets to clean.” “Your toilet suspension and your toilet cleaning detention will start immediately and of they’ll carry over to the next school year, of course,” I note, “All your writing assignments, including the apology essay, will be due one week from today.” “That’s a lot of writing to get done in just a week,” Tonya notes. “You earned it!” I answer, “And, of course, anything not done a week from now gets doubled.”
Looking over at Nancy, she seems satisfied that Tonya is being sufficiently punished, but she seems to be enjoying her rival’s toilet troubles a bit too much. “Think of me while you’re serving 3 months on toilet suspension and have fun messing in your own panties this time,” she tells Tonya, beaming a broad smile. “I always think of you when I’m dealing with shit,” Tonya snipes back. Once again, I must bang my gavel to quiet both of them down. “You’ll also write the phrase ‘Bowel Movement’ 500 times,” I tell Tonya, “That’s what happens when you use profanity to refer to your bodily functions. “And you Nancy” I note, “I’m surprised at this type of behavior from you.” She’ll have to write 100 times, “I will not make rude and unnecessary comments at meeting of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee again.”
So ends the sordid saga of Tonya and Nancy.
But just as I’m about to thank Miss Willows for her report and adjourn this special meeting of Toilet Violations Punishment Committee, she asks to address the TVPC on other matters. “Is it true that your toilet regulations only apply to students?” Miss Willows asks, “The rules don’t apply to teachers and staff?” “We don’t have the authority to punish teachers for toilet violations,” I explain, “But we certainly expect the teachers and staff members to conduct themselves properly in toilet-related matters.” “I see,” she responds, “Well then, I have some additional matters to report to you.”
“The first is about Miss Mars over there,” she reports, pointing to the gorgeous young gym teacher sitting in the spectators section, “She seems to spend an inordinate amount of time in the student girls’ rooms.” “I monitor the girls’ rooms a lot,” Miss Mars quickly asserts in her defense, “I’m always on the lookout for girls with accidents and those committing other toilet violations.” “You do more than just monitor the girls’ rooms,” Miss Willows counters, “According to what I’ve been told you go to the bathroom more in the student facilities than in the faculty ones.” Miss Mars denies that that is true. “I do occasionally use the toilet in the girls’ rooms when I’m there monitoring for violations,” she points out, “But it’s not like I use them a lot.” “With all due respect, Miss Mars, you’re always using our bathrooms,” Nancy points out. “Every time I go in there it seems like you’re always in there, too,” she explains, “And you’re always in the stalls using the toilet, too.” “I don’t know why you’d want to be using our bathrooms when you can go in the teachers’ ones,” she notes, “I’ve obviously never been in a teachers’ bathroom, but I can bet they’re a lot nicer than the student ones.” “Yeah really, Miss Mars,” Tonya chimes in, “I even saw you going to the bathroom outside in the bushes one time.” A friend of mine, Natalie got a 2 week toilet suspension for going to the bathroom outside – It’s just not fair that Miss Mars can go to the bathroom outside and not get punished at all,” she adds, “It’s just not fair.” Before proceeding, I must take a moment to clarify something. “Natalie didn’t get put on toilet suspension just for going to the bathroom outside,” I tell Tonya, “She was already on toilet suspension and she was violating her toilet suspension by going outside.” “That’s way more serious than just going to the bathroom,” I clarify, “That’s why your friend got her toilet suspension extended.”
“It wasn’t quite like Tonya says,” Miss Mars speaks again in her defense, “I just urinated outside – It wasn’t like it was a BM or anything like that.” “I was out there monitoring for smokers and those girls violating toilet suspensions,” she says, “I had to go, so I just squatted down and urinated.” All I can do is shake my head. “It’s not exactly becoming conduct for a teacher to be squatting outside urinating in the bushes,” I tell her, “Next time that you have to go, please come inside and use the toilet – preferably a faculty toilet!” “If you were a student, you’d be getting punished for this,” I explain, “It wouldn’t be a toilet suspension but you’d certainly be writing a few hundred sentences and doing some time sitting on the toilet.” “Yes, Mr. Chairman,” the lovely Miss Mars acknowledges.
“But that’s certainly not the worst of it,” the very beautiful Miss Willows continues. “What’s up with you and Mrs. Johns?” she asks Miss Mars, “I’ve heard some very wild stories about the two of you.” “Mr. Chairman – Isn’t it a toilet violation to have 2 people in the stall at once?” she asks me. “Yes it is,” I tell her, “But if you are going to accuse teachers, you should remember that the TVPC has no authority to punish teachers for toilet violations.” “Do you two really go the bathroom together?” she asks Miss Mars and Mrs. Johns, “Do you really go into the stall together – even when you have to have a bowel movement?” Neither of the two women answers the question. “Well, I’ve got plenty of student witnesses, who’ve seen the two of you coming out of the stall together,” Miss Willows adds, “They say it’s well known that you two share a stall all the time.” Reluctantly, both Mrs. Johns and Miss Mars admit that they’ve done that. “We don’t do that all the time, though, we don’t have a toilet fetish or anything,” Mrs. Johns explains, “We just do it sometimes when we feel like it.”
Needless to say, the TVPC is shocked at this development, but apparently there is more to the story. “Do you also wipe each other?” the CSI investigator continues, “I have witnesses that say you do that as well.” Their secrets apparently exposed, both women nod their head “yes.” “It’s really a private matter between the two of us,” Mrs. John asserts. “It would be that if you did it in the privacy of your own homes,” I tell her, “But it certainly is NOT a private matter when you do it in the girls’ room at this school.” “Needless to say, I’m very disappointed in you two,” I tell them in a very disapproving tone, “What kind of example are you setting for the girls when you do things like that.” “You would certainly be getting some severe punishment from the TVPC if you were students,” I add.
But apparently Miss Willows isn’t finished yet. “Do you want to tell them or should I?” our CSI investigator asks the suddenly quite embarrassed teachers. The 2 teachers shrug their shoulders as if to indicate that they don’t know what she’s talking about, but the expressions on their faces tell a different story. The TVPC is then treated to an even more shocking story about Mrs. Johns and Miss Mars. “The two of them messed in their panties the other day – Intentionally, I suspect,” Miss Willows tells us, “They were caught by another teacher while they were masturbating in their soiled panties in the faculty women’s room.” “They were in adjoining stalls sitting on the toilet with their messy panties still on,” she explains, “And they were each in the midst of a full-blown masturbation when they were caught.” Reluctantly, the two of them are forced to admit to what they’ve been accused. “It’s just something that we wanted to try and we couldn’t resist,” Miss Mars acknowledges, “We’re sorry.” “We did mess in our panties on purpose,” Mrs. Johns acknowledges, “But I want to point out that we weren’t doing it in the student girls’ rooms or anything like that where the students could see us.”
“And you have the nerve to make fund of me for having an accident,” Miss Willows shouts back at Mrs. Johns, recalling an incident from the June 20th meeting of the TVPC, “At least I didn’t do it on purpose.”
Needless to say, the TVPC is absolutely shocked at these accusations against 2 of the TVPC’s most enthusiastic supporters amongst the faculty. “This goes well beyond a simple violation like urinating outside or 2 people in a toilet stall at one time,” I tell the 2 of them in anger, “These are serious toilet violations that ABSOLUTELY NEED TO BE PUNISHED!”
What follows is a long and deafening silence in the TVPC committee room. As we’ve noted, the TVPC does not ordinarily punish teachers as we have been granted no authority to do so. But then again, there have been rare occasions when teachers have reluctantly agreed (perhaps with a guilty conscience) to accept TVPC jurisdiction for their toilet offenses and consequently were punished by our beloved committee. All eyes in the committee room glare at Mrs. Johns and Miss Mars as the two of them squirm with embarrassment and apprehension. “I made a mess in panties on purpose and I got 1,000 lines and 2 weeks in detention,” Tonya chimes in, “It’s just not fair that I get punished for that and they don’t.”
Tonya has a point and the two obviously have an attack of conscience. They both know, deep down in their hearts, that they deserve to be punished by the TVPC for what they’ve done. I’m sure they wonder how they can continue to bring girls here to be punished for toilet-related offenses when they refuse to accept punishment for their own toilet violations. Pretty soon, they find themselves signing forms agreeing to be punished by the TVPC. “It’s only the first panty-soiling for each of us,” Mrs. Johns points out to the young and very scared Miss Mars, “We really should only get a warning for this.” She’s no doubt referring to the TVPC regulation where a girl with no previous toilet violations only gets a warning for her first accident offense. But I have bad news for her. “Under the rules, you do only get a warning for your first accident,” I tell them and note for the record, “But the optimum word in that regulation is ‘accident’”. “It certainly doesn’t apply to a girl who messes her panties on purpose,” I inform them, “And it also doesn’t apply to a girl who masturbates in her messy panties afterwards.” “You each committed 2 offenses in that regard,” I remind them.
For their soiled panties – indeed, their first offense in that regard – they’ll only get the minimum punishment. But for an INTENTIONAL panty-soiling, the minimum punishment is 500 times of, “I will not soil my panties in school again” and a full week in detention. For masturbating in the faculty women’s room, they’ll each write another 500 times – this time, “I will not masturbate in the faculty women’s room or in the student girls’ room in school again.” “You’ll also be subjected to a ban on using any faculty bathroom,” I inform them and note for the record, “For the rest of this school year and the months of September and October next school year, you’ll use only the student girls’ rooms.” “Use a faculty bathroom during that time and you’ll be subject to an outright toilet suspension,” I warn them, “And you can bet on writing 1,000 sentences on the blackboard in detention as well.” “And because of all that stuff with you two in the same stall together and wiping each other, you’ll also be using the girls’ room with the stall door open,” I tell them, “Everybody is going to be able to see what you two are doing in the stall.” “And I better not hear of anything improper going on in the stall,” I warn them, “That will also be subject to a toilet suspension and a guarantee of 1,000 sentences on the blackboard as well.”
Mrs. Johns reacts with horror at that last part of her punishment. “We have to use the student girls’ rooms and we can’t even close the stall door?” she asks. Yes, indeed, Mrs. Johns,” I tell her. Miss Mars, though, oddly doesn’t seem all that bothered by that restriction. I have no doubt, though, that the writing punishment will not be a pleasant chore. She’ll also be required to write a 2,000 word essay entitled, “The Proper Way to Urinate” as her punishment for urinating in the bushes outside.
“As I’ve already said, I’m very disappointed in you 2 ladies,” I tell them, “But at least you are taking responsibility and taking the punishment for what you did.” “There is a certain amount of pride in that,” I add.
So concludes today's SPECIAL SESSION of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee. Meeting adjourned at 1:46 PM.
My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the SPECIAL TVPC meeting of Saturday, June 25, 2011.
Today we have a special session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC). This session has been called to deal with a single case – that of Tonya, a well-tone, athletic blonde-haired beauty. This case (originally scheduled for June 20th) had to be postponed because the accused was not present in school – having been suspended by the Principal for a non-toilet related reason. In addition to her suspension from school, Tonya was also assigned to Saturday Detention. Accordingly, we are convening this special session of the TVPC on Saturday, so Tonya can be present. Also present in the committee room today is Nancy, a tall slender brunette, who is fresh off her recent FIGURE SKATING championship. She is the victim of the offense of which Tonya is accused.
This case is a complicated one and goes way back to April 28th when a pair of heavily soiled panties were found hidden behind a toilet in the Science Wing girls’ room. Nancy was initially accused of this very serious offense because her name was found stitched in those badly loaded panties. Those panties, however, had been stolen from Nancy’s gym locker several days before, so she was found “Not Guilty” on all charges. Actually, she was found “Guilty” of a clogging a toilet in the Main Corridor girls’ room that day (a case of her bowel movement being so large that it wouldn’t make it all the way down the toilet), but that’s a whole different story and a far less serious offense that what is the subject of this special session today. As we’ve noted, this was a complicated case and one that the TVPC – even with its best investigator Mrs. Johns assigned to the case, could not solve. Eventually, we called in a CSI team to solve the case and solve the case they have.
Miss Willows, head of that CSI team, is here to present her report in this case – a report that accuses Tonya of plotting against Nancy and planting those soiled panties behind the toilet in the Science Wing girls’ room. “Thank you for coming back for this special session, Miss Willows,” I greet her, “It’s certainly a pleasure to see you without messy panties this time.” “Yes, sir,” she acknowledges, “I just came from your girls’ room down the hall and I went both ways.” “That was so embarrassing to mess in my panties last time and it was so disgusting,” she tells us, “You won’t see my having another accident anytime soon after that one.”
Getting back to her report, Miss Willows accuses Tonya of hiding the messy panties behind the toilet. “It was all apparently part of a plot to get Nancy on toilet suspension with your committee,” our CSI investigator explains, “Tonya figured that since they were Nancy’s panties that Nancy would get accused of having an accident and hiding the messy panties there.” “Tonya knew that Nancy would get placed on toilet suspension for that,” Miss Willows continues, “And that was the whole idea of her plot – To get Nancy placed on toilet suspension.” “You should have known that no one would have believed that I did that,” Nancy chimes, speaking to her rival, “Everyone knows that I always go in the toilet and not in my panties like you do.” “I don’t go in my panties,” Tonya argues back, “OK – I’ve had the occasional accident but it’s not like I do it all the time.” “Well, maybe you shouldn’t go in your panties AT ALL,” Nancy argues, “I mean how hard is it to pull your pants down and sit on the toilet when you have to go.” “I mean, you’re in high school, you know,” she adds, “Don’t you think you’re a little old to be messing in your panties.” “At least when I go in the toilet I don’t shit like an elephant and clog it,” Tonya snipes back. “Have fun serving your time on toilet suspension,” Nancy snipes right back to her, “I hope you’ll think of me while you’re going in your pants in school everyday.”
At this point, I bang my gavel for them to stop all this and turn our attention back to Miss Willows and her report. “Obviously, they’ve got some sort of rivalry going,” Miss Willows continues, “Both of them apparently are accomplished figures skaters and they often have to compete against one another in competitions.” “Tonya no doubt figured that she’d have a better shot at winning the next competition if Nancy was on toilet suspension at the time,” the CSI investigator continues, “I bet its not easy to figure skate with a big, messy load in your panties.”
“I suppose that Tonya can try to deny it all she wants,” Miss Willows continues further, “But she had motive and she had opportunity and it’s all in my report.” “Tonya had already been punished by the Principal for cutting her 6th period class that day,” she explains, “That gave her plenty of opportunity to hide the panties there so they could be found later.” “The panties were found just before 7th period by one of your Science Teachers, Miss Robinson,” she adds. “If she tries to deny it, Tonya will only find herself getting more punishment,” I explain, obviously more to Tonya than Miss Willows, “She’s in enough trouble already without adding ‘Lying to the TVPC’ to the charges against her.”
With a very stern, no-nonsense look, I turn to Tonya. She doesn’t know how to react at first, but ultimately she realizes that her whole plot has been exposed and that she’d better tell the truth. “OK – I did it – I admit it!” she tells us. “I squatted down and did my bowel movement in Nancy’s panties,” she admits, “And then I hid the panties there behind the toilet so someone would find them and Nancy would get blamed.” We’ve already had 2 Violations Reports drawn up on Tonya – one for “Hiding Soiled Panties in the Girls’ Room” and another for “Conspiracy to Get a Girl Falsely Accused” – but I also direct that a 3rd charge be added. “You’re also being charged with Panty-Soiling,” I tell her and note for the record, “And obviously you’re being charged with doing it intentionally.” “Yes, sir,” Tonya acknowledges, with a terrible look of despair on her face.
Up until now, we weren’t sure if Tonya had messed in the panties at school or is she had messed in them at home and then brought them to school to hide in the girls’ room. Obviously, if it had been the latter, the panty-soiling would not have been at school and consequently we couldn’t have charged her with that. But now since she has admitted to soiling the panties at school (and soiling them intentionally is more serious than just having an accident in them), we can punish her for that violation, too.
Moving on to Tonya’s punishment, this is her 3rd panty-soiling offense this school year and I note for the record that it’s a particularly severe one – that is, it is quite a bowel movement she had and she did it all in those panties. Accordingly, I give her 500 times of “I will not soil my panties in school again” and a week of detention. But because she did it intentionally, she gets that doubled to 1,000 times and 2 weeks in detention. But, of course, the messy panties themselves are the least of her problems. “Hiding soiled panties in the girls’ room gets you at least 1 month and up to 2 months on toilet suspension,” I tell her and again note for the record, “And you’re getting the full 2 months on toilet suspension.” “It’s also worth a full month of cleaning bathrooms after school,” I add, “And another 1,000 sentences to write.” The sentence to be written is “I will not hide soiled panties in the girls’ room in school again.” “And for trying to get Nancy placed on toilet suspension, you’ll do an additional month on toilet suspension,” I decree, “And you’ll also write her a 2,500 word letter of apology.”
“That’s a total of 3 months on toilet suspension for your little stunt,” I remind her, “And quite a boatload of writing punishment to write and dirty toilets to clean.” “Your toilet suspension and your toilet cleaning detention will start immediately and of they’ll carry over to the next school year, of course,” I note, “All your writing assignments, including the apology essay, will be due one week from today.” “That’s a lot of writing to get done in just a week,” Tonya notes. “You earned it!” I answer, “And, of course, anything not done a week from now gets doubled.”
Looking over at Nancy, she seems satisfied that Tonya is being sufficiently punished, but she seems to be enjoying her rival’s toilet troubles a bit too much. “Think of me while you’re serving 3 months on toilet suspension and have fun messing in your own panties this time,” she tells Tonya, beaming a broad smile. “I always think of you when I’m dealing with shit,” Tonya snipes back. Once again, I must bang my gavel to quiet both of them down. “You’ll also write the phrase ‘Bowel Movement’ 500 times,” I tell Tonya, “That’s what happens when you use profanity to refer to your bodily functions. “And you Nancy” I note, “I’m surprised at this type of behavior from you.” She’ll have to write 100 times, “I will not make rude and unnecessary comments at meeting of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee again.”
So ends the sordid saga of Tonya and Nancy.
But just as I’m about to thank Miss Willows for her report and adjourn this special meeting of Toilet Violations Punishment Committee, she asks to address the TVPC on other matters. “Is it true that your toilet regulations only apply to students?” Miss Willows asks, “The rules don’t apply to teachers and staff?” “We don’t have the authority to punish teachers for toilet violations,” I explain, “But we certainly expect the teachers and staff members to conduct themselves properly in toilet-related matters.” “I see,” she responds, “Well then, I have some additional matters to report to you.”
“The first is about Miss Mars over there,” she reports, pointing to the gorgeous young gym teacher sitting in the spectators section, “She seems to spend an inordinate amount of time in the student girls’ rooms.” “I monitor the girls’ rooms a lot,” Miss Mars quickly asserts in her defense, “I’m always on the lookout for girls with accidents and those committing other toilet violations.” “You do more than just monitor the girls’ rooms,” Miss Willows counters, “According to what I’ve been told you go to the bathroom more in the student facilities than in the faculty ones.” Miss Mars denies that that is true. “I do occasionally use the toilet in the girls’ rooms when I’m there monitoring for violations,” she points out, “But it’s not like I use them a lot.” “With all due respect, Miss Mars, you’re always using our bathrooms,” Nancy points out. “Every time I go in there it seems like you’re always in there, too,” she explains, “And you’re always in the stalls using the toilet, too.” “I don’t know why you’d want to be using our bathrooms when you can go in the teachers’ ones,” she notes, “I’ve obviously never been in a teachers’ bathroom, but I can bet they’re a lot nicer than the student ones.” “Yeah really, Miss Mars,” Tonya chimes in, “I even saw you going to the bathroom outside in the bushes one time.” A friend of mine, Natalie got a 2 week toilet suspension for going to the bathroom outside – It’s just not fair that Miss Mars can go to the bathroom outside and not get punished at all,” she adds, “It’s just not fair.” Before proceeding, I must take a moment to clarify something. “Natalie didn’t get put on toilet suspension just for going to the bathroom outside,” I tell Tonya, “She was already on toilet suspension and she was violating her toilet suspension by going outside.” “That’s way more serious than just going to the bathroom,” I clarify, “That’s why your friend got her toilet suspension extended.”
“It wasn’t quite like Tonya says,” Miss Mars speaks again in her defense, “I just urinated outside – It wasn’t like it was a BM or anything like that.” “I was out there monitoring for smokers and those girls violating toilet suspensions,” she says, “I had to go, so I just squatted down and urinated.” All I can do is shake my head. “It’s not exactly becoming conduct for a teacher to be squatting outside urinating in the bushes,” I tell her, “Next time that you have to go, please come inside and use the toilet – preferably a faculty toilet!” “If you were a student, you’d be getting punished for this,” I explain, “It wouldn’t be a toilet suspension but you’d certainly be writing a few hundred sentences and doing some time sitting on the toilet.” “Yes, Mr. Chairman,” the lovely Miss Mars acknowledges.
“But that’s certainly not the worst of it,” the very beautiful Miss Willows continues. “What’s up with you and Mrs. Johns?” she asks Miss Mars, “I’ve heard some very wild stories about the two of you.” “Mr. Chairman – Isn’t it a toilet violation to have 2 people in the stall at once?” she asks me. “Yes it is,” I tell her, “But if you are going to accuse teachers, you should remember that the TVPC has no authority to punish teachers for toilet violations.” “Do you two really go the bathroom together?” she asks Miss Mars and Mrs. Johns, “Do you really go into the stall together – even when you have to have a bowel movement?” Neither of the two women answers the question. “Well, I’ve got plenty of student witnesses, who’ve seen the two of you coming out of the stall together,” Miss Willows adds, “They say it’s well known that you two share a stall all the time.” Reluctantly, both Mrs. Johns and Miss Mars admit that they’ve done that. “We don’t do that all the time, though, we don’t have a toilet fetish or anything,” Mrs. Johns explains, “We just do it sometimes when we feel like it.”
Needless to say, the TVPC is shocked at this development, but apparently there is more to the story. “Do you also wipe each other?” the CSI investigator continues, “I have witnesses that say you do that as well.” Their secrets apparently exposed, both women nod their head “yes.” “It’s really a private matter between the two of us,” Mrs. John asserts. “It would be that if you did it in the privacy of your own homes,” I tell her, “But it certainly is NOT a private matter when you do it in the girls’ room at this school.” “Needless to say, I’m very disappointed in you two,” I tell them in a very disapproving tone, “What kind of example are you setting for the girls when you do things like that.” “You would certainly be getting some severe punishment from the TVPC if you were students,” I add.
But apparently Miss Willows isn’t finished yet. “Do you want to tell them or should I?” our CSI investigator asks the suddenly quite embarrassed teachers. The 2 teachers shrug their shoulders as if to indicate that they don’t know what she’s talking about, but the expressions on their faces tell a different story. The TVPC is then treated to an even more shocking story about Mrs. Johns and Miss Mars. “The two of them messed in their panties the other day – Intentionally, I suspect,” Miss Willows tells us, “They were caught by another teacher while they were masturbating in their soiled panties in the faculty women’s room.” “They were in adjoining stalls sitting on the toilet with their messy panties still on,” she explains, “And they were each in the midst of a full-blown masturbation when they were caught.” Reluctantly, the two of them are forced to admit to what they’ve been accused. “It’s just something that we wanted to try and we couldn’t resist,” Miss Mars acknowledges, “We’re sorry.” “We did mess in our panties on purpose,” Mrs. Johns acknowledges, “But I want to point out that we weren’t doing it in the student girls’ rooms or anything like that where the students could see us.”
“And you have the nerve to make fund of me for having an accident,” Miss Willows shouts back at Mrs. Johns, recalling an incident from the June 20th meeting of the TVPC, “At least I didn’t do it on purpose.”
Needless to say, the TVPC is absolutely shocked at these accusations against 2 of the TVPC’s most enthusiastic supporters amongst the faculty. “This goes well beyond a simple violation like urinating outside or 2 people in a toilet stall at one time,” I tell the 2 of them in anger, “These are serious toilet violations that ABSOLUTELY NEED TO BE PUNISHED!”
What follows is a long and deafening silence in the TVPC committee room. As we’ve noted, the TVPC does not ordinarily punish teachers as we have been granted no authority to do so. But then again, there have been rare occasions when teachers have reluctantly agreed (perhaps with a guilty conscience) to accept TVPC jurisdiction for their toilet offenses and consequently were punished by our beloved committee. All eyes in the committee room glare at Mrs. Johns and Miss Mars as the two of them squirm with embarrassment and apprehension. “I made a mess in panties on purpose and I got 1,000 lines and 2 weeks in detention,” Tonya chimes in, “It’s just not fair that I get punished for that and they don’t.”
Tonya has a point and the two obviously have an attack of conscience. They both know, deep down in their hearts, that they deserve to be punished by the TVPC for what they’ve done. I’m sure they wonder how they can continue to bring girls here to be punished for toilet-related offenses when they refuse to accept punishment for their own toilet violations. Pretty soon, they find themselves signing forms agreeing to be punished by the TVPC. “It’s only the first panty-soiling for each of us,” Mrs. Johns points out to the young and very scared Miss Mars, “We really should only get a warning for this.” She’s no doubt referring to the TVPC regulation where a girl with no previous toilet violations only gets a warning for her first accident offense. But I have bad news for her. “Under the rules, you do only get a warning for your first accident,” I tell them and note for the record, “But the optimum word in that regulation is ‘accident’”. “It certainly doesn’t apply to a girl who messes her panties on purpose,” I inform them, “And it also doesn’t apply to a girl who masturbates in her messy panties afterwards.” “You each committed 2 offenses in that regard,” I remind them.
For their soiled panties – indeed, their first offense in that regard – they’ll only get the minimum punishment. But for an INTENTIONAL panty-soiling, the minimum punishment is 500 times of, “I will not soil my panties in school again” and a full week in detention. For masturbating in the faculty women’s room, they’ll each write another 500 times – this time, “I will not masturbate in the faculty women’s room or in the student girls’ room in school again.” “You’ll also be subjected to a ban on using any faculty bathroom,” I inform them and note for the record, “For the rest of this school year and the months of September and October next school year, you’ll use only the student girls’ rooms.” “Use a faculty bathroom during that time and you’ll be subject to an outright toilet suspension,” I warn them, “And you can bet on writing 1,000 sentences on the blackboard in detention as well.” “And because of all that stuff with you two in the same stall together and wiping each other, you’ll also be using the girls’ room with the stall door open,” I tell them, “Everybody is going to be able to see what you two are doing in the stall.” “And I better not hear of anything improper going on in the stall,” I warn them, “That will also be subject to a toilet suspension and a guarantee of 1,000 sentences on the blackboard as well.”
Mrs. Johns reacts with horror at that last part of her punishment. “We have to use the student girls’ rooms and we can’t even close the stall door?” she asks. Yes, indeed, Mrs. Johns,” I tell her. Miss Mars, though, oddly doesn’t seem all that bothered by that restriction. I have no doubt, though, that the writing punishment will not be a pleasant chore. She’ll also be required to write a 2,000 word essay entitled, “The Proper Way to Urinate” as her punishment for urinating in the bushes outside.
“As I’ve already said, I’m very disappointed in you 2 ladies,” I tell them, “But at least you are taking responsibility and taking the punishment for what you did.” “There is a certain amount of pride in that,” I add.
So concludes today's SPECIAL SESSION of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee. Meeting adjourned at 1:46 PM.
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