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Welcome to a session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.
My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of September 9, 2011.
Our first case before the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) today is actually a case from yesterday – specifically, a case from yesterday’s girls’ soccer game. The accused is Hope, a tall, slender brunette who is the star goalkeeper of the team. She stands accused of wetting her pants during yesterday’s game over at West Dale High School. It’s only her first panty-wetting this school year (and she’s got no other toilet violations this school year, either), but in this case she’s definitely not entitled to get off with just a warning. Fans of the TVPC surely know that since Hope did this while representing the school in a soccer game against another school, she will surely be getting an extra dose of punishment. Under TVPC rules, toilet violations, especially accidents, by those representing the school at school events with other schools are considered more serious than those only occurring in school. And even worse than that, she is charged with wetting her pants on purpose, making this an even more serious offense – a sort of double-whammy of seriousness if you will. The Violation Report notes that there was a set of port-o-pottys there at the field and Hope just stubbornly refused to use them.
Hope admits to wetting her pants and she obviously also admits that it happened at the soccer game. This then makes this the more serious violation of wetting her pants while representing the school. But she denies that she did it on purpose. “I guess it was wrong of me to be holding it in like I was and not using the port-o-potty when I should have,” Hope explains, “But I really was holding it in and trying really hard not to go in my pants.” “I was holding on as tight as I could,” she continues, “But after a while I just couldn’t hold it in any longer and it started running down my leg.” She goes on to explain that she was also trying to hold in a bowel movement at the time and that was taking even more strength to hold in than her need to urinate.”
“And she barely made it back in time to do that in the toilet as well,” her coach points out, “Just as soon as the bus pulled into the parking lot, Hope made a mad dash for the girls’ room and barely made it in time,” “We almost had a doubleheader yesterday, didn’t we Hope?” Coach Spellman asks her. A doubleheader is when a girl does both functions in her pants. Hope sheepishly nods her head “yes”. “Consider yourself lucky that you didn’t do that in your pants as well,” I tell the very pretty and athletic soccer star, “Wetting your pants at a school event like this one is bad enough, but messing in your panties is even worse – especially when it’s in addition to wetting to them.” “Yes sir,” she tells me, “I guess I was kind of lucky that I didn’t do that in my pants as well.” I also remind Hope that her status of representing the school extends from when she first gets on the bus to go to the game to when she leaves school property after she gets back. “Even if you had messed your panties on the bus coming home from the game or even while running for the girls’ room after getting off the bus, it would have counted as an accident while representing the school,” I explain, “And the punishment for a double-header accident while representing the school is definitely NOT something you want to experience.” “Yes sir,” she tells me again.
Her guilt established for wetting her pants at a soccer game, we next have to determine whether or not she did it on purpose. Hope, of course, denies that she did and TVPC rules make that a very hard thing to prove. “As long as a girl is making any effort to hold it in, it isn’t considered doing it intentionally,” I explain to Sabrina – that is, Coach Spellman, “To be considered intentional, a girl has to actually push it out into her panties or at least offer no resistance at all to it coming out.” “Merely refusing to use the port-o-potty, even when she’s desperate to do so, doesn’t make it intentional,” I add, “Even if she knows she’s going to go in her panties by waiting too long, as long as she make any effort to hold it in, it’s not intentional.” But her coach is not deterred in trying to make her case.
“I admit she was trying to hold it in most of the time,” Coach Spellman acknowledges, “I could tell by the way she was standing that she was trying not to wet herself for most of the game.” “But at one point near the end of the game, she shifted how she was standing and untwisted her legs,” the coach explains, “And she started leaning against one of the posts of the goal.” “I then saw her adjust her shorts a little bit and then suddenly I saw a little trickle start running down her leg,” she continues her case, “The trickle wasn’t that big and it was hard to see at first but it was DEFINITELY visible down her right leg and it went on for quite a long time.” “She was obviously standing there like that and controlling the flow, so she could urinate as inconspicuously as possible,” her coach adds, “It obviously wasn’t a coincidence that she shifted her position and adjusted her shorts just before the flow down her leg started.” All eyes in the committee room, of course, now shift to Hope.
“It wasn’t really like I wet my pants on purpose,” Hope insists, “I really was trying to hold it in and make it back to our school to go.” “But I was also trying to hold back the other thing and I had to do that really bad, too.” “I had to go so bad that I couldn’t hold in both of them at the same time,” she continues, “And you said it yourself that messing in my panties would have been worse than just wetting them.” “The other thing was trying really hard to come out and I had to use all my strength to stop from messing myself,” she explains, “So I just went ahead and wet myself so I could focus on the other.” “So your coach is right?” I ask her, “You did wet your pants on purpose.” But Hope denies it once again. “I wet my pants to avoid messing in them,” she insists, “I had to go both ways and I had to save myself from messing myself.” “If I hadn’t wet my pants, I surely would have messed in them,” she argues, “I don’t know what else I was supposed to do.”
“What you were supposed to do was go and use the port-o-potty,” I tell her, raising my voice in anger a bit, “What a girl your age is supposed to do is go and use the toilet so you don’t have to stand there trying to hold it in the whole game.” “I don’t care if it’s a port-o-potty or other bathroom that you don’t like – If you’d just have used the toilet like you’re supposed to do, you wouldn’t have had to decide which bodily function to hold in and which to let out in your pants,” I tell her angrily. “You’re supposed to go in the toilet and not in your panties and that’s the bottom line,” I tell her, while Coach Spellman nods in agreement, “And unless you want to be doing a lot of punishment this soccer season, you’d better learn that bottom line really fast.” “The punishment you’re going to get this time is going to be a picnic compared to what you’re going to get if you go in your pants at a soccer game again,” I warn her, “So for your own sake, I suggest that you get used to using a port-o-potty when you need to.”
For wetting her pants while representing the school, Hope will have to write 300 times, “I will not urinate in my pants in school or at soccer games again” and she’ll serve a week of her 3rd period study hall sitting on a toilet in the girls’ locker room. But because she is also guilty of doing it intentionally that gets doubled to 600 times and 2 weeks of study hall periods sitting on the toilet. “S-S-Six hundred times,” Hope asks in disbelief, “But it’s only my first offense.” “Yes, 600 times,” I tell her, “That’s what happens when you wet yourself intentionally while representing the school.” “And consider yourself lucky that you didn’t mess yourself as well or that would have been at least 1,000 times,” I point out, “And if you wet yourself at a soccer game again, it’ll not only be 1,000 times but 1,000 times on the blackboard after school.” Additionally, she’ll have mandatory toilet visits before getting on the bus, as well as before and after every soccer game for the rest of the season.
Our next case is another one from yesterday – this one occurring at yesterday’s Field Hockey practice. Since this was a violation at a practice and not an actual game, it is not a violation “while representing the school” and does not bring that extra punishment. Brianna, a cute little sophomore with braces, is charged with going to the bathroom outside behind the storage shed adjacent to the team’s practice field. Apparently she had to go during practice and was too lazy to walk back to the school to use the toilet. The practice field is a bit of a walk from the school and the storage shed does provide some privacy, so it’s not unheard of for a girl to urinate back there sometimes. But I do a double take when I read the details of this case.
Miss Bundy, our very lovely (and not too bright) first year Field Hockey coach sees the surprise on my face as I read the report. “Yes, sir,” she tells me, “Brianna not only urinated back there but she had a bowel movement as well.” The friendly outgoing sophomore, however, has pleaded “Not Guilty” to the charge. I ask her about that. “I did do it – I did go to the bathroom back there,” she acknowledges, “Miss Bundy said that I could.” But Miss Bundy denies that she gave any such permission. “I know that girls urinate back there sometimes and I don’t think that’s really a big deal,” she explains, “But no way is it okay to do the other thing back there.”
But Brianna is still insisting that she got permission from the coach to do her business back there. “I really should have gone in the locker room bathroom before practice,” she admits, “But I was in a hurry and I guess I just forgot to do it.” “I was at practice and I really had to go bad – both ways,” she tells us, “And I knew that I couldn’t wait until the break.” “I told the coach that I had to go NOW,” she continues, “But I know how she hates for us to miss any practice time.” “So I asked her if I could just run behind the shed and do it there,” Brianna explains, “And she said that I could – She even said that it was a good idea.”
“I didn’t say you could do a bowel movement back there,” the coach explains to the cute sophomore brunette, “You never told me that that’s what you had to do.” “When she asked me, I just assumed she was talking about urinating,” Coach Bundy explains to me, “I obviously wouldn’t have given her permission if I knew she was going to do the other thing.” “How could you even think of doing a bowel movement outside like that?” she asks Brianna, “I could understand you urinating out there, but how could you not go use the toilet when you had to do the other?”
“But you did give her permission to go?” I ask the coach. “But she didn’t tell me that she had to do a bowel movement,” the coach insists, “She just said that she had to go to the bathroom and that usually means to urinate.” “It could mean to do either function,” I explain the obvious to the first-year coach, “And in this particular case it meant to do both functions.” “I’m sorry, Miss Bundy – I really didn’t mean to mislead you,” Brianna explains to her coach, “I really didn’t think you minded us going outside, either way – I really don’t mind going outside even when it’s #2”
This case presents a dilemma for the TVPC. It is indeed a violation of TVPC rules to go to the bathroom outside unnecessarily for either function. Girls are permitted to go outside when it’s their only alternative to going in their pants, but not when there are regular toilets available in the school just up the hill from the practice field. And it’s worth noting that Brianna only placed herself in this situation by foolishly neglecting to go in the locker room bathroom before practice started.
But, on the other hand, the sophomore was indeed given permission to do so by her coach – even if the young, inexperienced (and not too bright!) coach didn’t fully grasp what she was giving the girl permission to do. “Don’t go to the bathroom outside like that again even if you have permission,” I warn Brianna, “As long as a toilet is available, even if you have to walk a little while to get there, you shouldn’t be squatting outside.” “And I don’t want you giving permission for your girls to go outside unless there’s no other option,” I tell the coach, “And that includes urinating as well as having a bowel movement.”
In the meantime, the TVPC is finding Brianna “Not Guilty” and dismissing her without punishment. “We’re giving you a break here,” I tell her, “But rest assured you won’t get a break like this again.” “Rest assured I’ll make sure to use the toilet before practice from now on,” she tells me, “Thank you for giving me a break this time.”
Moving on to cases from today, I am quite disappointed to se Claudia, a cute and likeable sophomore, called before the TVPC. Fans of the TVPC recognize her from her toilet-troubled freshman year when she appeared before the TVPC many times – most of them in soiled panties. Her most serious offense last year, however, was for actually using the toilet – specifically, the bathroom in the nurse’s office which she used without permission. In fact, she spent the last 2 weeks of her freshman year last year on toilet suspension for that – that being, her third offense for using the nurse’s office bathroom without permission. The bathroom in the nurse’s office is a private bathroom – with just a single toilet and sink like a bathroom in a house – and the shy Claudia obviously finds that a more acceptable alternative to the regular, multi-stalled girls’ rooms.
Claudia did manage to complete her 2 weeks on toilet suspension without incident last year and also the 1,000 lines of punishment writing (“I must learn that the nurse’s office bathroom is only for students who are sick.”) that she had to do. But poor Claudia was also sentenced to cleaning the nurse’s office bathroom – both during her study hall period and again after school each day for a month. This punishment had to be carried over to this school year and it is that punishment that brings Claudia to the TVPC today.
“I’m sorry to say that Claudia did it again,” reports Miss McMurphy, the school nurse, “I caught her using my bathroom again today.” “She was in there during 3rd period today doing her cleaning punishment,” the nurse tells us, “I went in there to check on her and she was sitting on the toilet wiping herself.” “She had done a bowel movement in my toilet again,” she explains, shaking her head, “And a pretty big one at that – she was lucky it flushed down without any problems.” I’m really sorry to hear that. I mean, I’m happy that Claudia was able to flush her bowel movement down the toilet (Clogging a toilet that you shouldn’t have been using in the first place is now an automatic toilet suspension), but certainly not happy with Claudia using the nurse’s bathroom yet again.
With tears streaming down her face, Claudia pleads guilty and admits that what Miss McMurphy said was true. “I was in there cleaning the toilet as my punishment says I have to do,” Claudia explains, through her tears, “I had to go and I had to go bad.” “The toilet was there and it was all nice and private and it was really clean because I had just cleaned it,” she tells us, “I just couldn’t resist.” “I just quickly pulled my pants and panties down and used the toilet,” she continues, “And then Miss McMurphy caught me just as I was wiping myself.” “That bathroom is just so nice, it’s hard not to use it when you really have to,” Claudia adds, “If only I could use that one all that time I wouldn’t be having these toilet problems at all.”
“Claudia, I know that you’re smart enough to know that that bathroom is only for students who are sick in the nurse’s office,” I remind her, “You know very well that you’re not allowed to use it as your regular bathroom.” “Yes, sir,” the toilet troubled sophomore acknowledges. “I just mean that it’s so much nicer to go in there than the regular girls’ room,” she explains, “If I could just go in there for my bowel movements, I wouldn’t be messing in my panties like I do sometimes.” “But you know that you need to be using the regular girls’ rooms for your bowel movements,” I remind her, “You do know about the punishments you get when either you go in the nurse’s bathroom or you go in your panties.” The poor girl nods her head “yes.” She’s a sweet girl but one who simply does not like going in the regular girls’ room for her bowel movements. She has an older sister named Julia who helps her in the regular girls’ room when she can, but she can’t always be there to help Claudia when she needs to have a bowel movement in school.
“I’m really sorry that I had to do this, Claudia,” Miss McMurphy tells her, “You know I like you and I know what a good job you’ve been doing cleaning my bathroom twice every day.” “I know that you didn’t mean any harm and you were just trying to avoid messing in your panties,” the nurse continues. “But I just can’t let anyone use my bathroom,” she adds, “You just have to learn to use the regular girls’ room when you need to.” Obviously, Miss McMurphy is correct and it’s my job to teach Claudia that lesson.
Fortunately for the sweet, but toilet-troubled sophomore this is a new school year and I’m not allowed to consider her 3 offenses on this charge from last year. Consequently, I have to consider this a first offense and sentence her accordingly. But she will, of course, get the maximum punishment that I’m allowed to impose for that first offense. She will have to write 500 times, “I must learn that the nurse’s office bathroom is only for students who are sick” She will also get 2 additional weeks added on her to twice daily cleaning of the nurse’s office bathroom.
But unfortunately for Claudia, it doesn’t quite end there. Claudia’s use of the nurse’s bathroom yet again is only part of what she did. She not only did that, but in doing so, she also violated her bathroom cleaning punishment. “When you’re doing bathroom cleaning punishment, you’re responsibility is to clean bathrooms,” I tell Claudia, “If you need to actually use the toilet, you need to do that before reporting for your punishment or wait until after you’ve finished it.” Accordingly, I have the TVPC clerk prepare another Violation Report on Claudia – This time for “Violating a TVPC Punishment.”
This one is also a first offense for her on this charge but the TVPC has a lot more latitude in sentencing her on this one. “I’m sorry, Claudia, but you really do need to be a taught a lesson and a lesson that you’ll remember for a long time,” I explain to her, “You were getting punished for using the nurse’s bathroom and then you go and use the nurse’s bathroom again during your punishment.” “I really hate to do this because I know how much you suffered during your 2 weeks on toilet suspension last year,” I continue, “But I’m putting you on toilet suspension for another week.” Claudia stands there a bit shocked at first, but eventually breaks down sobbing as she contemplates going back on toilet suspension for another week. The toilet suspension is the TVPC’s most dreaded from of punishment. Girls on toilet suspension are not allowed to use any school bathroom for any reason for the duration of their suspension. If they have to go at school and can’t hold it in, they simply have to go in their pants. Claudia tries to ask me to reconsider putting her on toilet suspension again, but she’s too upset to even form the words.
“Mr. Chairman, sir – I really don’t think she needs to go on toilet suspension for this,” argues Miss McMurphy on Claudia’s behalf, “I think if you give her a writing assignment and make her do another month of bathroom cleaning, that should be enough.” “She’s been working really hard at toilet cleaning and she’d been doing a good job at it,” she explains, “I think sentencing her to more of that is the punishment she needs to teach her a lesson.” “Really, Colleen?” I ask the kind-hearted nurse, “Do you really think that’s going to be enough to teach her to stop using your toilet?” In spite of her best intentions, Miss McMurphy really can’t say “yes” to that. “I just hate to see her go on toilet suspension again,” she answers, “She’s doing really well in cleaning my bathroom and I think she’s trying really hard to do better all around.” “I considered all of that,” I tell Miss McMurphy, “And that’s why she’s only getting 1 week on toilet suspension instead of 2.” “But she’s still got a while to go with her toilet cleaning punishment and I think it’s pretty clear that only a toilet suspension is going to deter her from using your toilet again,” I point out.
Composing herself somewhat, Claudia argues on her own behalf. “All I did was use the toilet,” Claudia points out, “The toilet was right there and it was so nice and all I did was use it.” “I just used the toilet,” she repeats, “I didn’t want to go in my panties – I’m getting really tired of going in my panties all the time, so I just wanted to go in the toilet instead.” “I didn’t clog the toilet and I didn’t mess it up or anything,” she explains further, “I just sat down and used the toilet.” “You know which toilets you’re allowed to use and you know that isn’t one of them,” I explain matter-of-factly, “And you absolutely have to learn to use the correct toilets for your bowel movements.” “I’m tired of being patient with you, Claudia,” I explain further, “I was really hoping that with all you went through last year and with a new school year, you’d put your toilet problems behind you.” “But obviously you haven’t done that and it seems you’re only get worse,” I tell her sternly, “You’re leaving me no choice but to punish you even more sternly than before” “Perhaps then you’ll learn to use the toilet – THE PROPER TOILET – like you should,” I add. “Use the nurse’s bathroom again and it’ll be another toilet suspension,” I warn her, “And it’ll be for a lot longer than only a week.”
My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of September 9, 2011.
Our first case before the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) today is actually a case from yesterday – specifically, a case from yesterday’s girls’ soccer game. The accused is Hope, a tall, slender brunette who is the star goalkeeper of the team. She stands accused of wetting her pants during yesterday’s game over at West Dale High School. It’s only her first panty-wetting this school year (and she’s got no other toilet violations this school year, either), but in this case she’s definitely not entitled to get off with just a warning. Fans of the TVPC surely know that since Hope did this while representing the school in a soccer game against another school, she will surely be getting an extra dose of punishment. Under TVPC rules, toilet violations, especially accidents, by those representing the school at school events with other schools are considered more serious than those only occurring in school. And even worse than that, she is charged with wetting her pants on purpose, making this an even more serious offense – a sort of double-whammy of seriousness if you will. The Violation Report notes that there was a set of port-o-pottys there at the field and Hope just stubbornly refused to use them.
Hope admits to wetting her pants and she obviously also admits that it happened at the soccer game. This then makes this the more serious violation of wetting her pants while representing the school. But she denies that she did it on purpose. “I guess it was wrong of me to be holding it in like I was and not using the port-o-potty when I should have,” Hope explains, “But I really was holding it in and trying really hard not to go in my pants.” “I was holding on as tight as I could,” she continues, “But after a while I just couldn’t hold it in any longer and it started running down my leg.” She goes on to explain that she was also trying to hold in a bowel movement at the time and that was taking even more strength to hold in than her need to urinate.”
“And she barely made it back in time to do that in the toilet as well,” her coach points out, “Just as soon as the bus pulled into the parking lot, Hope made a mad dash for the girls’ room and barely made it in time,” “We almost had a doubleheader yesterday, didn’t we Hope?” Coach Spellman asks her. A doubleheader is when a girl does both functions in her pants. Hope sheepishly nods her head “yes”. “Consider yourself lucky that you didn’t do that in your pants as well,” I tell the very pretty and athletic soccer star, “Wetting your pants at a school event like this one is bad enough, but messing in your panties is even worse – especially when it’s in addition to wetting to them.” “Yes sir,” she tells me, “I guess I was kind of lucky that I didn’t do that in my pants as well.” I also remind Hope that her status of representing the school extends from when she first gets on the bus to go to the game to when she leaves school property after she gets back. “Even if you had messed your panties on the bus coming home from the game or even while running for the girls’ room after getting off the bus, it would have counted as an accident while representing the school,” I explain, “And the punishment for a double-header accident while representing the school is definitely NOT something you want to experience.” “Yes sir,” she tells me again.
Her guilt established for wetting her pants at a soccer game, we next have to determine whether or not she did it on purpose. Hope, of course, denies that she did and TVPC rules make that a very hard thing to prove. “As long as a girl is making any effort to hold it in, it isn’t considered doing it intentionally,” I explain to Sabrina – that is, Coach Spellman, “To be considered intentional, a girl has to actually push it out into her panties or at least offer no resistance at all to it coming out.” “Merely refusing to use the port-o-potty, even when she’s desperate to do so, doesn’t make it intentional,” I add, “Even if she knows she’s going to go in her panties by waiting too long, as long as she make any effort to hold it in, it’s not intentional.” But her coach is not deterred in trying to make her case.
“I admit she was trying to hold it in most of the time,” Coach Spellman acknowledges, “I could tell by the way she was standing that she was trying not to wet herself for most of the game.” “But at one point near the end of the game, she shifted how she was standing and untwisted her legs,” the coach explains, “And she started leaning against one of the posts of the goal.” “I then saw her adjust her shorts a little bit and then suddenly I saw a little trickle start running down her leg,” she continues her case, “The trickle wasn’t that big and it was hard to see at first but it was DEFINITELY visible down her right leg and it went on for quite a long time.” “She was obviously standing there like that and controlling the flow, so she could urinate as inconspicuously as possible,” her coach adds, “It obviously wasn’t a coincidence that she shifted her position and adjusted her shorts just before the flow down her leg started.” All eyes in the committee room, of course, now shift to Hope.
“It wasn’t really like I wet my pants on purpose,” Hope insists, “I really was trying to hold it in and make it back to our school to go.” “But I was also trying to hold back the other thing and I had to do that really bad, too.” “I had to go so bad that I couldn’t hold in both of them at the same time,” she continues, “And you said it yourself that messing in my panties would have been worse than just wetting them.” “The other thing was trying really hard to come out and I had to use all my strength to stop from messing myself,” she explains, “So I just went ahead and wet myself so I could focus on the other.” “So your coach is right?” I ask her, “You did wet your pants on purpose.” But Hope denies it once again. “I wet my pants to avoid messing in them,” she insists, “I had to go both ways and I had to save myself from messing myself.” “If I hadn’t wet my pants, I surely would have messed in them,” she argues, “I don’t know what else I was supposed to do.”
“What you were supposed to do was go and use the port-o-potty,” I tell her, raising my voice in anger a bit, “What a girl your age is supposed to do is go and use the toilet so you don’t have to stand there trying to hold it in the whole game.” “I don’t care if it’s a port-o-potty or other bathroom that you don’t like – If you’d just have used the toilet like you’re supposed to do, you wouldn’t have had to decide which bodily function to hold in and which to let out in your pants,” I tell her angrily. “You’re supposed to go in the toilet and not in your panties and that’s the bottom line,” I tell her, while Coach Spellman nods in agreement, “And unless you want to be doing a lot of punishment this soccer season, you’d better learn that bottom line really fast.” “The punishment you’re going to get this time is going to be a picnic compared to what you’re going to get if you go in your pants at a soccer game again,” I warn her, “So for your own sake, I suggest that you get used to using a port-o-potty when you need to.”
For wetting her pants while representing the school, Hope will have to write 300 times, “I will not urinate in my pants in school or at soccer games again” and she’ll serve a week of her 3rd period study hall sitting on a toilet in the girls’ locker room. But because she is also guilty of doing it intentionally that gets doubled to 600 times and 2 weeks of study hall periods sitting on the toilet. “S-S-Six hundred times,” Hope asks in disbelief, “But it’s only my first offense.” “Yes, 600 times,” I tell her, “That’s what happens when you wet yourself intentionally while representing the school.” “And consider yourself lucky that you didn’t mess yourself as well or that would have been at least 1,000 times,” I point out, “And if you wet yourself at a soccer game again, it’ll not only be 1,000 times but 1,000 times on the blackboard after school.” Additionally, she’ll have mandatory toilet visits before getting on the bus, as well as before and after every soccer game for the rest of the season.
Our next case is another one from yesterday – this one occurring at yesterday’s Field Hockey practice. Since this was a violation at a practice and not an actual game, it is not a violation “while representing the school” and does not bring that extra punishment. Brianna, a cute little sophomore with braces, is charged with going to the bathroom outside behind the storage shed adjacent to the team’s practice field. Apparently she had to go during practice and was too lazy to walk back to the school to use the toilet. The practice field is a bit of a walk from the school and the storage shed does provide some privacy, so it’s not unheard of for a girl to urinate back there sometimes. But I do a double take when I read the details of this case.
Miss Bundy, our very lovely (and not too bright) first year Field Hockey coach sees the surprise on my face as I read the report. “Yes, sir,” she tells me, “Brianna not only urinated back there but she had a bowel movement as well.” The friendly outgoing sophomore, however, has pleaded “Not Guilty” to the charge. I ask her about that. “I did do it – I did go to the bathroom back there,” she acknowledges, “Miss Bundy said that I could.” But Miss Bundy denies that she gave any such permission. “I know that girls urinate back there sometimes and I don’t think that’s really a big deal,” she explains, “But no way is it okay to do the other thing back there.”
But Brianna is still insisting that she got permission from the coach to do her business back there. “I really should have gone in the locker room bathroom before practice,” she admits, “But I was in a hurry and I guess I just forgot to do it.” “I was at practice and I really had to go bad – both ways,” she tells us, “And I knew that I couldn’t wait until the break.” “I told the coach that I had to go NOW,” she continues, “But I know how she hates for us to miss any practice time.” “So I asked her if I could just run behind the shed and do it there,” Brianna explains, “And she said that I could – She even said that it was a good idea.”
“I didn’t say you could do a bowel movement back there,” the coach explains to the cute sophomore brunette, “You never told me that that’s what you had to do.” “When she asked me, I just assumed she was talking about urinating,” Coach Bundy explains to me, “I obviously wouldn’t have given her permission if I knew she was going to do the other thing.” “How could you even think of doing a bowel movement outside like that?” she asks Brianna, “I could understand you urinating out there, but how could you not go use the toilet when you had to do the other?”
“But you did give her permission to go?” I ask the coach. “But she didn’t tell me that she had to do a bowel movement,” the coach insists, “She just said that she had to go to the bathroom and that usually means to urinate.” “It could mean to do either function,” I explain the obvious to the first-year coach, “And in this particular case it meant to do both functions.” “I’m sorry, Miss Bundy – I really didn’t mean to mislead you,” Brianna explains to her coach, “I really didn’t think you minded us going outside, either way – I really don’t mind going outside even when it’s #2”
This case presents a dilemma for the TVPC. It is indeed a violation of TVPC rules to go to the bathroom outside unnecessarily for either function. Girls are permitted to go outside when it’s their only alternative to going in their pants, but not when there are regular toilets available in the school just up the hill from the practice field. And it’s worth noting that Brianna only placed herself in this situation by foolishly neglecting to go in the locker room bathroom before practice started.
But, on the other hand, the sophomore was indeed given permission to do so by her coach – even if the young, inexperienced (and not too bright!) coach didn’t fully grasp what she was giving the girl permission to do. “Don’t go to the bathroom outside like that again even if you have permission,” I warn Brianna, “As long as a toilet is available, even if you have to walk a little while to get there, you shouldn’t be squatting outside.” “And I don’t want you giving permission for your girls to go outside unless there’s no other option,” I tell the coach, “And that includes urinating as well as having a bowel movement.”
In the meantime, the TVPC is finding Brianna “Not Guilty” and dismissing her without punishment. “We’re giving you a break here,” I tell her, “But rest assured you won’t get a break like this again.” “Rest assured I’ll make sure to use the toilet before practice from now on,” she tells me, “Thank you for giving me a break this time.”
Moving on to cases from today, I am quite disappointed to se Claudia, a cute and likeable sophomore, called before the TVPC. Fans of the TVPC recognize her from her toilet-troubled freshman year when she appeared before the TVPC many times – most of them in soiled panties. Her most serious offense last year, however, was for actually using the toilet – specifically, the bathroom in the nurse’s office which she used without permission. In fact, she spent the last 2 weeks of her freshman year last year on toilet suspension for that – that being, her third offense for using the nurse’s office bathroom without permission. The bathroom in the nurse’s office is a private bathroom – with just a single toilet and sink like a bathroom in a house – and the shy Claudia obviously finds that a more acceptable alternative to the regular, multi-stalled girls’ rooms.
Claudia did manage to complete her 2 weeks on toilet suspension without incident last year and also the 1,000 lines of punishment writing (“I must learn that the nurse’s office bathroom is only for students who are sick.”) that she had to do. But poor Claudia was also sentenced to cleaning the nurse’s office bathroom – both during her study hall period and again after school each day for a month. This punishment had to be carried over to this school year and it is that punishment that brings Claudia to the TVPC today.
“I’m sorry to say that Claudia did it again,” reports Miss McMurphy, the school nurse, “I caught her using my bathroom again today.” “She was in there during 3rd period today doing her cleaning punishment,” the nurse tells us, “I went in there to check on her and she was sitting on the toilet wiping herself.” “She had done a bowel movement in my toilet again,” she explains, shaking her head, “And a pretty big one at that – she was lucky it flushed down without any problems.” I’m really sorry to hear that. I mean, I’m happy that Claudia was able to flush her bowel movement down the toilet (Clogging a toilet that you shouldn’t have been using in the first place is now an automatic toilet suspension), but certainly not happy with Claudia using the nurse’s bathroom yet again.
With tears streaming down her face, Claudia pleads guilty and admits that what Miss McMurphy said was true. “I was in there cleaning the toilet as my punishment says I have to do,” Claudia explains, through her tears, “I had to go and I had to go bad.” “The toilet was there and it was all nice and private and it was really clean because I had just cleaned it,” she tells us, “I just couldn’t resist.” “I just quickly pulled my pants and panties down and used the toilet,” she continues, “And then Miss McMurphy caught me just as I was wiping myself.” “That bathroom is just so nice, it’s hard not to use it when you really have to,” Claudia adds, “If only I could use that one all that time I wouldn’t be having these toilet problems at all.”
“Claudia, I know that you’re smart enough to know that that bathroom is only for students who are sick in the nurse’s office,” I remind her, “You know very well that you’re not allowed to use it as your regular bathroom.” “Yes, sir,” the toilet troubled sophomore acknowledges. “I just mean that it’s so much nicer to go in there than the regular girls’ room,” she explains, “If I could just go in there for my bowel movements, I wouldn’t be messing in my panties like I do sometimes.” “But you know that you need to be using the regular girls’ rooms for your bowel movements,” I remind her, “You do know about the punishments you get when either you go in the nurse’s bathroom or you go in your panties.” The poor girl nods her head “yes.” She’s a sweet girl but one who simply does not like going in the regular girls’ room for her bowel movements. She has an older sister named Julia who helps her in the regular girls’ room when she can, but she can’t always be there to help Claudia when she needs to have a bowel movement in school.
“I’m really sorry that I had to do this, Claudia,” Miss McMurphy tells her, “You know I like you and I know what a good job you’ve been doing cleaning my bathroom twice every day.” “I know that you didn’t mean any harm and you were just trying to avoid messing in your panties,” the nurse continues. “But I just can’t let anyone use my bathroom,” she adds, “You just have to learn to use the regular girls’ room when you need to.” Obviously, Miss McMurphy is correct and it’s my job to teach Claudia that lesson.
Fortunately for the sweet, but toilet-troubled sophomore this is a new school year and I’m not allowed to consider her 3 offenses on this charge from last year. Consequently, I have to consider this a first offense and sentence her accordingly. But she will, of course, get the maximum punishment that I’m allowed to impose for that first offense. She will have to write 500 times, “I must learn that the nurse’s office bathroom is only for students who are sick” She will also get 2 additional weeks added on her to twice daily cleaning of the nurse’s office bathroom.
But unfortunately for Claudia, it doesn’t quite end there. Claudia’s use of the nurse’s bathroom yet again is only part of what she did. She not only did that, but in doing so, she also violated her bathroom cleaning punishment. “When you’re doing bathroom cleaning punishment, you’re responsibility is to clean bathrooms,” I tell Claudia, “If you need to actually use the toilet, you need to do that before reporting for your punishment or wait until after you’ve finished it.” Accordingly, I have the TVPC clerk prepare another Violation Report on Claudia – This time for “Violating a TVPC Punishment.”
This one is also a first offense for her on this charge but the TVPC has a lot more latitude in sentencing her on this one. “I’m sorry, Claudia, but you really do need to be a taught a lesson and a lesson that you’ll remember for a long time,” I explain to her, “You were getting punished for using the nurse’s bathroom and then you go and use the nurse’s bathroom again during your punishment.” “I really hate to do this because I know how much you suffered during your 2 weeks on toilet suspension last year,” I continue, “But I’m putting you on toilet suspension for another week.” Claudia stands there a bit shocked at first, but eventually breaks down sobbing as she contemplates going back on toilet suspension for another week. The toilet suspension is the TVPC’s most dreaded from of punishment. Girls on toilet suspension are not allowed to use any school bathroom for any reason for the duration of their suspension. If they have to go at school and can’t hold it in, they simply have to go in their pants. Claudia tries to ask me to reconsider putting her on toilet suspension again, but she’s too upset to even form the words.
“Mr. Chairman, sir – I really don’t think she needs to go on toilet suspension for this,” argues Miss McMurphy on Claudia’s behalf, “I think if you give her a writing assignment and make her do another month of bathroom cleaning, that should be enough.” “She’s been working really hard at toilet cleaning and she’d been doing a good job at it,” she explains, “I think sentencing her to more of that is the punishment she needs to teach her a lesson.” “Really, Colleen?” I ask the kind-hearted nurse, “Do you really think that’s going to be enough to teach her to stop using your toilet?” In spite of her best intentions, Miss McMurphy really can’t say “yes” to that. “I just hate to see her go on toilet suspension again,” she answers, “She’s doing really well in cleaning my bathroom and I think she’s trying really hard to do better all around.” “I considered all of that,” I tell Miss McMurphy, “And that’s why she’s only getting 1 week on toilet suspension instead of 2.” “But she’s still got a while to go with her toilet cleaning punishment and I think it’s pretty clear that only a toilet suspension is going to deter her from using your toilet again,” I point out.
Composing herself somewhat, Claudia argues on her own behalf. “All I did was use the toilet,” Claudia points out, “The toilet was right there and it was so nice and all I did was use it.” “I just used the toilet,” she repeats, “I didn’t want to go in my panties – I’m getting really tired of going in my panties all the time, so I just wanted to go in the toilet instead.” “I didn’t clog the toilet and I didn’t mess it up or anything,” she explains further, “I just sat down and used the toilet.” “You know which toilets you’re allowed to use and you know that isn’t one of them,” I explain matter-of-factly, “And you absolutely have to learn to use the correct toilets for your bowel movements.” “I’m tired of being patient with you, Claudia,” I explain further, “I was really hoping that with all you went through last year and with a new school year, you’d put your toilet problems behind you.” “But obviously you haven’t done that and it seems you’re only get worse,” I tell her sternly, “You’re leaving me no choice but to punish you even more sternly than before” “Perhaps then you’ll learn to use the toilet – THE PROPER TOILET – like you should,” I add. “Use the nurse’s bathroom again and it’ll be another toilet suspension,” I warn her, “And it’ll be for a lot longer than only a week.”
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