Tweet
I'm not sure how I ended up here. I have recently had an experience that I am having some difficulty processing involving a good friend of mine and some thing that I probably shouldn't have seen, but that I can't seem to get off my mind.
Ever since junior year of highschool (I am a freshmen in college now) I have had a secret crush on my friend Jason. He knows I'm bi and probably knows how I feel about him. It is an odd pairing as I am more of an emo-dork and he is a full fleged "jock", star of our school's wrestling team, tons of girlfriends (though none that have lasted). We ended up paired together for a humanities project a few years ago and have been pretty close ever since.
So of course I am into him. I don't show it, but physically, no one is hotter. Dark, almost black curly hair and bright green eyes. He's like a gregarious greek God, reveling in his perfect body. I had to stop going to his wrestling meets because I was having trouble suppressing my hard on. The one and only time that we were physically close was when we passed out drunk together and I woke up with him cuddling me like I was his teddy bear.
ANY WAY. Last summer, knowing his parents were away I dropped by his house out of boredom. I knew the back sliding glass doors would be unlocked, so I went around the house and was just about to let myself in when I saw him. He was standing in his living room with his back turned to me. My first thought was "why is he wearing his wrestling singlet?" There was something about his wide legged stance that stopped me in my tracks because it seemed sexual, like maybe he was masturbating or something. Then I looked down. I have been over this again and again in my mind and I know what I saw. He had taken a shit in his singlet. A big one. And he was just kind of standing there, rubbing himself through the shiny yellow material. I was just frozen. I mean, I know I should have run away but I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I probably only stood there for a minute or two, long enough to see him squat down low then stand back up erect, and kind of gently push on the ball of shit right under his butt, cupping it with his hand.
Realizing that what I was seeing was obviously very private I just turned around and quietly walked off of the porch and left. I have been obsessing about it ever since.
I would never have thought of something like that as sexual, and I don't know if it was because of my attraction to him or what, but now I am just really horny over stuff like this. I even tried it myself for the first time. I recreated the whole thing, even got myself a wrestling singlet. It felt weird. Good weird, and bad too kind of. My dorm stank all day and I got a funny look from my room mate when he came back. But I did come more than I ever had previously.
So because of this experience I've thought a lot about Jason and our past and only one other strange occurrence comes to mind. The winter before last we had gone sledding at our highschool, just the two of us. It was cold and we were pretty bundled up, but I remember smelling shit during most of the time we were together. He said something about a sewage back up at the school, but it didn't smell like sewage, just fresh human shit. At the time I never even thought that he or any one would actually shit their snow pants and continue sledding, but now I am fairly certain that is exactly what he'd done.
So even though Jason and I are at different schools now we are still close. I have never said anything to him about what I saw, and probably never will, but there is a part of me that is tempted to just shit my pants when we hang out in Arizona over spring break, and just see how he reacts. Even writing that makes my heart pound, because I know that's just what I'm going to do. What do you guys thinks? How should I do it? Where should I do it? I think if I'm drinking I should have the guts to actually follow through with it.
So wish me luck. Thanks for listening. I'm so glad to be able to finally share what I've been going through lately.
Ever since junior year of highschool (I am a freshmen in college now) I have had a secret crush on my friend Jason. He knows I'm bi and probably knows how I feel about him. It is an odd pairing as I am more of an emo-dork and he is a full fleged "jock", star of our school's wrestling team, tons of girlfriends (though none that have lasted). We ended up paired together for a humanities project a few years ago and have been pretty close ever since.
So of course I am into him. I don't show it, but physically, no one is hotter. Dark, almost black curly hair and bright green eyes. He's like a gregarious greek God, reveling in his perfect body. I had to stop going to his wrestling meets because I was having trouble suppressing my hard on. The one and only time that we were physically close was when we passed out drunk together and I woke up with him cuddling me like I was his teddy bear.
ANY WAY. Last summer, knowing his parents were away I dropped by his house out of boredom. I knew the back sliding glass doors would be unlocked, so I went around the house and was just about to let myself in when I saw him. He was standing in his living room with his back turned to me. My first thought was "why is he wearing his wrestling singlet?" There was something about his wide legged stance that stopped me in my tracks because it seemed sexual, like maybe he was masturbating or something. Then I looked down. I have been over this again and again in my mind and I know what I saw. He had taken a shit in his singlet. A big one. And he was just kind of standing there, rubbing himself through the shiny yellow material. I was just frozen. I mean, I know I should have run away but I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I probably only stood there for a minute or two, long enough to see him squat down low then stand back up erect, and kind of gently push on the ball of shit right under his butt, cupping it with his hand.
Realizing that what I was seeing was obviously very private I just turned around and quietly walked off of the porch and left. I have been obsessing about it ever since.
I would never have thought of something like that as sexual, and I don't know if it was because of my attraction to him or what, but now I am just really horny over stuff like this. I even tried it myself for the first time. I recreated the whole thing, even got myself a wrestling singlet. It felt weird. Good weird, and bad too kind of. My dorm stank all day and I got a funny look from my room mate when he came back. But I did come more than I ever had previously.
So because of this experience I've thought a lot about Jason and our past and only one other strange occurrence comes to mind. The winter before last we had gone sledding at our highschool, just the two of us. It was cold and we were pretty bundled up, but I remember smelling shit during most of the time we were together. He said something about a sewage back up at the school, but it didn't smell like sewage, just fresh human shit. At the time I never even thought that he or any one would actually shit their snow pants and continue sledding, but now I am fairly certain that is exactly what he'd done.
So even though Jason and I are at different schools now we are still close. I have never said anything to him about what I saw, and probably never will, but there is a part of me that is tempted to just shit my pants when we hang out in Arizona over spring break, and just see how he reacts. Even writing that makes my heart pound, because I know that's just what I'm going to do. What do you guys thinks? How should I do it? Where should I do it? I think if I'm drinking I should have the guts to actually follow through with it.
So wish me luck. Thanks for listening. I'm so glad to be able to finally share what I've been going through lately.
Comment