Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

[Arnold Ziffel]

Welcome to a session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.

My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of April 9, 2012.

Before getting down to our cases for today, we have a bit of committee business to deal with – a particularly unpleasant and disgusting bit of committee business. It seems that just a short time ago, one of our students discovered a particularly gruesome mess in the Science Wing girls’ room. In the last stall away from the door, there is a major bowel movement all over the floor in front of the toilet.

“I was going in there to use the toilet – I had to go both ways really bad,” reports Abby, a very bright junior Science whiz, who found the mess, “It was right there on the floor – I almost stepped in it when I pulled open the stall door.” “I screamed when I saw it and I started to throw up a little,” she reports, “For a second, I thought I was about to go #2 in my pants.” Why she was more inclined to go #2 in her pants than #1 is anybody’s guess but it’s not really important. “That was really disgusting!” she continues, with a look on her face that I can’t even begin to describe, “I just ran out of there as fast as I could.” “I couldn’t even go to the bathroom at all in there after seeing that,” she adds. She tells us that she immediately went back to class and told Dr. Flower (her Science teacher) about what she saw. Fortunately, Dr. Flower did let her go to a different girls’ room to do her business and Abby is happy to report that she did indeed make it to the toilet in time. And then Dr. Flower, of course, reported that which was in the girls’ room.

Our TVPC investigators were immediately sent to the scene and though we don’t know yet who did this, they have concluded that it was no accident. Some girl – we assume it was a girl – deliberately squatted down in front of the toilet and did her bowel movement on the floor. “There’s no mess on the toilet seat and there’s barely any on the toilet itself,” reports Mrs. Johns, our ace investigator. “I’ve seen girls try to squat over the toilet and miss the bowl,” she says, “But they always get a bunch of it on the seat and all over the toilet – especially the front of the toilet.” “This girl got it all on the floor,” she reports, “She was obviously aiming for the floor if she didn’t even get any of it on the toilet seat.” Messing on the floor, regardless of how it happened, is a violation of TVPC rules. But doing so on purpose, of course, is a far more serious violation. When we catch her, I’d really hate to be the girl who did this.

In the meantime, I direct Mrs. Johns to continue to lead the investigation. In fact, we have investigators in the girls’ room now, pouring over the scene in the stall looking for clues. I also note that we have 2 girls already assigned to bathroom cleaning punishment in that Science Wing girls’ room. These were assigned previously to fulfill bathroom cleaning punishments imposed by the TVPC for prior toilet violations. As per the usual procedure in a case like this, the girls will just have to work around the messy stall and let our investigators continue their work. When our investigators are done and assuming we’ve yet to actually find the guilty party, one of those poor girls will then have to clean that mess up.

As I look over at Defendants’ Row (where the girls sit as they wait for their case to be called), I cannot help but notice Libby, a raven-haired cheerleader, giggling as we received the news of the mess in the girls’ room. “Do you think that’s funny, young lady?” I ask her, “Do you think it’s funny that one of your classmates would just squat down and mess on the floor?” “If you think it’s so funny, perhaps you’d like to clean it up?” I offer, a tinge of anger in my voice. “No sir!” she quickly answers, her stupid giggling quickly gone, “I think that’s disgusting.” “I don’t know who would do something like that,” she says, “But some of the girls at this school are really disgusting.” “I just go in the toilet myself,” she quickly adds, a look of seriousness in her eyes. “Well, you don’t only go in the toilet,” I point out, “You’ve got a few times going in your pants instead.” “Yes sir,” she says ashamedly, bowing her head in shame as she says it.

Since I’m already talking to Libby (and since I don’t particularly like seeing her sitting there with that silly yet smug look on her face), we might as well deal with her case first. Happily, she hasn’t messed in her panties today. Instead, she apparently just had a major bowel movement in the girls’ room between 7th and 8th period today – that bowel movement causing her to be about 10 minutes late for her 8th period Math class.

“You know I’m sympathetic when girls have to use the bathroom,” explains Miss Spellman, Libby’s Geometry teacher, “I’d certainly rather have they go to the girls’ room when they need to than disrupt my class with a mess in their pants.” “And I’m not particularly strict with girls getting to class exactly on time, either,” she continues, “I know it takes time to use the toilet – especially when it’s number 2 – and there’s not a lot of time between classes to do it.” “If they’re a minute or two late for class because they went to the girls’ room between classes, I’ll usually cut them a break,” the pretty, young Math teacher explains, “That’s actually better than taking 4 or 5 minutes to go during class.” “But Libby was 10 minutes late for class today,” Miss Spellman reports, “There’s really no reason it should take that long to go to the bathroom – even if it was number 2.”
“I still expect you to hurry up and get done as fast as you can,” she says to Libby, “You can’t just hang around in the girls’ room and take your sweet time.” “I can’t let you be 10 minutes late for class,” she adds, again addressing Libby, “I have to report you for that.”

Libby just stands there apparently without anything to say. This is not a serious toilet violation by any means, but Libby is typically full of excuses no matter which toilet violation she commits. She’s quite fond of blaming a student named Sabrina for her own toilet-related difficulties – especially when she messes in her panties. But how Sabrina is to blame for Libby’s inability to get to the toilet in time is never quite fully explained. I guess it must be magic or something. It must be a witch – err, I mean a bitch – not to be able to take responsibility for your own bodily functions.

“I guess I’m guilty,” Libby finally speaks, “It’s not fair but I guess I’m going to have to get punished for this.” Foolishly, I can’t resist asking her what’s unfair about it. “Were you not 10 minutes late for class as Miss Spellman said?” I ask her, “She could probably also charge you with loitering in the girls’ room after all that time.” “I wasn’t loitering – I was just going to the bathroom,” she insists, starting to get a little annoyed, “Geez! – You punish me for going in my panties, and now you’re going to punish me for going in the toilet.” “I just know that Miss Spellman would never write up Sabrina for being late to class because she was in the bathroom,” Libby asserts, “Miss Spellman would never write up Sabrina for anything.” “It must be nice to be a teacher’s pet like Sabrina and not get written up for anything,” Libby rants on, “But when you’re me, you even get punished for going to the bathroom.” “So this is all Sabrina’s fault again?” I ask Libby, sarcastically, “Geez! – That sounds familiar.” I’m not saying its Sabrina’s fault,” she answers, “But why am I always the one who has to get punished for stuff? – Sabrina never gets punished for anything, especially with Miss Spellman.” “It’s just not fair,” Libby adds.

I reach for my gavel to end this ridiculous discussion, but I don’t get to it fast enough. “You’re wrong, Libby,” Miss Spellman says, “You get punished when you do something wrong – like messing in your panties and WHEN YOU TAKE WAY TOO LONG IN THE GIRLS’ ROOM!” “And it’s perfectly fair,” the pretty, young Math teacher continues, “Because Sabrina also gets punished when she does something wrong.” She goes on to explain that she filed a Violation Report on Sabrina 2 days ago for flushing a sanitary pad down the toilet and clogging the toilet in the process. “In fact, Sabrina’s doing after school bathroom cleaning punishment right now because of that,” Miss Spellman explains, “She’s got 3 days of that for the offense that I wrote her up for.” “I know!” Libby says, a peculiar smile suddenly on her face.

I’m a bit puzzled by Libby’s reaction. But then again, Libby is quite a puzzling young lady and she does seem to have a particular and a peculiar interest with Sabrina. I’ve quite frankly had enough of this case. “Late for Class for Bathroom Purposes” is NOT a serious offense and we’ve already spent more time on it than it’s worth. Libby gets 2 days detention and has to write, “I will not be late for class when I use the girls’ room again” 150 times. And even that is only because of her record of other toilet violations.
“Now, go sit in the back with the other girls in detention,” I tell her, “And if you know what’s go for you, I won’t hear from you again.”

Next on the TVPC agenda this afternoon, the TVPC must address some rumors that have been circulating around the school. They are not particularly nice rumors and they concern our lovely cheerleading coach Miss Musso. Miss Musso is with us this afternoon, clad as she usually is in a red spandex sweat suit that only highlights what great shape she is in. Faithful readers of the TVPC should know Miss Musso for her frequent visits before the TVPC as cheerleading coach – bringing before us cheerleaders who’ve had accidents at games or otherwise committed violations of TVPC rules.

But faithful readers of the TVPC should also recognize Miss Musso for her own appearances before the TVPC – that is, appearances during which she herself was charged with messing in her panties. That’s an unusual circumstance to be sure since the TVPC only has the power to punish toilet violations from students and not those of teachers and coaches, but Miss Musso is a special case. Our lovely cheerleading coach has had some major issues with having her bowel movements away from our school. At our school, of course, she has the benefit of using the nicer faculty bathroom facilities. But when she visits other schools with our cheerleaders, she usually has to use the same facilities as her cheerleaders – facilities that oftentimes are nothing more than port-o-pottys or perhaps regular girls’ room facilities lacking cleanliness or adequate privacy. In fact, just a few weeks ago at the March 19th TVPC session, we had to punish several toilet offenders among her cheerleaders for toilet violations that certainly where the direct result of the girls’ room facilities at a neighboring high school not having doors on the stalls. Fortunately, Miss Musso herself was able to keep her own panties clean and dry that night. But now, with the football and basketball cheerleading seasons past, rumors have suddenly begun to circulate of toilet problems had by our lovely cheerleading coach.

“How’s it going, Grace?” I ask our sexy and shapely cheerleading coach. “Pretty good, Mr. Chairman,” she tells me. “It’s been a good year with the cheerleaders,” she explains, “We did have some toilet problems – a few accidents here and there and stuff – but I think it went pretty well.” “Well, it was certainly better for you this year, wasn’t it,” I point out, “I don’t think last year is a year you’d want to go through again.” “That’s for sure, Mr. Chairman,” she acknowledges, as a look of shame overtakes her, no doubt recalling her embarrassments of last school year.

Last year, Miss Musso had not 1 but 2 quite embarrassing soiling accidents as the cheerleading coach. The first occurred in December on opening night of the basketball season while the second occurred in March at a state tournament basketball game. And, as I understand it, she barely avoided another one from not wanting to use a port-o-potty at a football game – running for the girls’ room when she got back to our school and barely making it to the toilet in time. Not only where these quite embarrassing for the cheerleading coach – even the red spandex that she always wears at games could not conceal the loads in her panties – but she felt the wrath of the TVPC for each one. As has been noted, the TVPC ordinarily doesn’t punish teachers and coaches for their accidents and other toilet violations. But Miss Musso is a woman of conscience and takes her role as cheerleading coach quite seriously. Even she didn’t think it fair that her girls were getting punished for accidents (sometimes quite severely since doing it a game is the more serious violation of an accident while representing the school) and she was not punished for her improper toilet behavior. With the cold eyes of her cheerleaders upon her (many of whom had been punished by Coach Musso for their own toilet misdeeds), our cheerleading coach rather bravely volunteered to accept TVPC punishments for those accidents. Accordingly, for her first accident she had to write 500 sentences and serve a few days of detention. For her second, though, she not only had to write 1,000 times but it was 1,000 times on the blackboard after school. Furthermore, she had to write a 1,000 word apology letter to each of her cheerleaders. “Those punishments were awful and they took a lot of time to finish, too,” she continues, “And they certainly were really embarrassing to have to do at my age.” “But I think it was the right thing to do,” she continues, “It was just as wrong of me to mess in my panties as it was for my girls and I deserved the punishment just like they did.” “I learned my lesson – I think I learned my lesson even more so than my girls did,” she points out, “I learned that no matter if it’s a port-o-potty or whatever, when you have to go, you just have to sit down and do it.”

“Well, I’m certainly glad to hear that, Grace,” I tell her, “Because I’ve heard some troubling rumors about your toilet habits at games this year as well.” “I’ve heard those rumors, too,” she says, “And it’s really frustrating when I hear them.” “I know that I have a reputation for having accidents now,” she continues, “But that was last year and as I said, I’ve learned my lesson since.” “I’m not saying that you’re guilty of having any accidents,” I clarify, “I’m just saying that we need to discuss these rumors.”

“I understand, Mr. Chairman,” she tells me. “But I think you should consider the source of those rumors,” Miss Musso continues, directing a sneer toward the spectators’ section of the TVPC committee room, “I think we all know that starting these rumors was all about getting revenge.” “You’re damn right it’s all about getting revenge,” shouts a voice from the spectator’s section, “But that still doesn’t mean the rumors aren’t true – It still doesn’t mean that you didn’t shit your pants again this year.” Immediately, I bang my gavel to restore order. That voice from the spectators’ section comes from a girl I remember quite well and a girl who should be similarly familiar to the faithful readers of the TVPC. That girl is Sharon, a tall, pretty blonde, who graduated last year. Sharon was, of course, a cheerleader for Miss Musso last year and suffice to say, they didn’t get along particularly well. As I understand it, she is currently attending the local community college and apparently she has something – perhaps a great deal – to do with these rumors about her former cheerleading coach. “As I said, Mr. Chairman, consider the source of these rumors,” Miss Musso tells me again, “Obviously she’s still got a mouth like a sewer and an attitude to match.” “And you’ve still got the toilet habits of a 5 year old,” Sharon answers back, “No wait – Unlike you most 5 years olds don’t mess in their pants anymore.”

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Once again, I bang my gavel to restore order and stop this pointless exchange of insults. “I realize that you’re upset about these rumors,” I tell Miss Musso, “But I still expect you to behave like the mature professional that you are.” “And as for you, young lady,” I tell Sharon, “I expect you to behave properly as well.” “You’d certainly be writing a thousand lines already if you were still a student here,” I point out, “But just because I can’t punish you anymore doesn’t mean I’m going to tolerate such conduct and such language.” “Another outburst and I’ll simply throw you out,” I warn her, “And then you won’t be heard at all.” “Yes sir,” she says contritely and considerably calmer than before, “It’s just that I get frustrated when I see girls on the cheerleading squad getting punished for accidents when Miss Musso is doing the same thing.”

“I take it that these rumors are indeed coming from you?” I ask Sharon. “Yes sir – But they’re not just rumors,” she explains, “I have proof that Miss Musso still doesn’t go to the bathroom at football games – at least not in port-o-pottys.” That comment, of course, raises quite a few eyebrows among the members of the TVPC. More importantly, I notice a sudden look of dread on Miss Musso’s otherwise very beautiful face. I ask the pretty and outspoken former cheerleader to come forward and present her proof.

As Sharon takes the podium, I note that she has some pictures in her hand. “I didn’t take these myself,” she says, as she passes the picture out to the members of the TVPC, “But you’ll notice that they were taken at the Capeside football game this year.” Along with a few photos to identify what game this was at, I note that these are photos of Coach Musso – or more specifically, of Coach Musso’s butt. I can’t help but notice how sensational she looks in that tight red spandex that has become her trademark. “I’d like to call your attention to the back of Coach Musso’s spandex sweatpants in these pictures,” explains Sharon, “I suppose she’s going to say that she’s got a pair of grapefruits in her pants.” “But I think we all know what she’s really got in her pants here,” the former cheerleader continues, as she turns and gives a dirty look to her former coach, “Really coach – Shame on you!” “I remember cheerleading at Capeside HS,” Sharon continues, “And I remember that they only had port-o-potties at the football field there.” “I took a bowel movement in one of them one time,” she adds, “It’s too bad Coach Musso can’t say the same thing.”

Once again, I quickly bang my gavel before this degenerates into more name-calling between the two of them. “Please stick to the facts, Sharon,” I tell her, “As I said before we don’t need your comments on top of this.” “Yes sir,” she answers. “It’s just that Miss Musso said before that she’s learned to use port-o-pottys at games now,” she explains, “But that’s obviously not true – She still goes in her pants instead.” I really want to believe that our lovely cheerleading coach has indeed reformed her toilet habits, but these pictures present a very different story. As Sharon implied, those aren’t grapefruits that are causing the bulge in the back of our cheerleading coach’s spandex pants. And I’ve certainly seen enough instances of soiled panties to know when I’m looking at another one. Furthermore, just looking at the expression on Miss Musso’s face tells me all that that I need to know.

“W-W-Where did you get those pictures?” she asks her former cheerleader. “One of your cheerleaders took them at the game and mailed them to me,” Sharon answers, “I think she was a little upset when you punished her for having an accident at the game when she wouldn’t use the port-o-potty.” “I guess you can’t actually punish coaches for having accidents at games,” Sharon notes, “Even though that’s totally unfair.” “But at least we’ll know that it isn’t only the cheerleaders who have accidents sometimes,” she continues, “We’ll all know that Miss Musso does it, too.” But Sharon doesn’t quite have that correct. Because of the 2 soiling accidents that Miss Musso had at games last year – the only person in the whole school last year to have 2 such accidents while representing the school – we put her on a type of probation. In order for her to continue as cheerleading coach, she had to agree to be subject to TVPC jurisdiction. I remind the coach of this fact, a point which the coach acknowledges by nodding her head.

Accordingly, I then ask Miss Musso for her plea to the charge of “Panty-Soiling.” Embarrassed (especially with several of her cheerleaders watching), she bows her head in shame and mumbles “Guilty.” “And that is, of course, guilty of soiling your panties while representing the school?” I ask her. “Yes sir,” she mumbles again, almost incoherently. All I can do is shake my head at the disgraceful toilet habits of our cheerleading coach. Whereas, it’s embarrassing for our school when one of our cheerleaders messes in her panties at a game, it’s utterly disgraceful when our cheerleading coach does it. I turn and see Sharon sporting a big smile. “This is nothing to be happy about,” I admonish her. “This is still your alma mater,” I remind her, “And a cheerleading coach in messy panties disgraces your alma mater, too.”

Quietly, her shame evident, Coach Musso talks about how much she hates port-o-potty bathrooms. “I’m doing better this year – I really am,” she says, “But I just couldn’t go in those stupid port-o-pottys.” “I urinated in there that day but I just could do my bowel movement in there,” she continues, “I know that I should have, but I just couldn’t do it.” Once again, all I can do is shake my head. “I don’t care is you like using port-o-pottys or not,” I tell her, “If you have to go at a game and that’s all that they have there, you just have to use them.” “You’re the cheerleading coach, for Pete’s sake,” I remind her, “You can’t be messing in your panties – you just can’t.”

For punishment, I sentence her to write 1,000 times, “I will not soil my panties while representing the school as the cheerleading coach again.” “One thousand?” she asks, obviously expecting less since it’s only her first offense this year. “You’re the cheerleading coach,” I remind her again, “It’s a lot worse when you do it than when one of your girls does.” And I also give her a month of detention sitting on the toilet. “And that will, of course, be toilet sitting in the student girls’ room,” I specify, “And we’ll make it in the girls’ room down by the gym where everyone can see you.” She starts to complain again, but quickly stops when she sees the expression on my face. Obviously, I don’t want to hear it. “If only we had it in the budget, I’d rent a port-o-potty and make you sit in there,” I tell her, “And I’d make you use it in school as well.” “Yes sir,” she says again, contritely.

“But since I don’t have port-o-pottys for you to use in school, I’ll just have to sentence you again to using the student girls’ rooms,” I continue, “For the next 2 months, you won’t use the faculty bathrooms – you’ll only use the student ones.” She’s had that punishment before (specifically, for one of her accidents last year) and I can tell by the expression on her face that she doesn’t want it again. “Please sir – Please not that!” she begs me, “I don’t really have a problem using the student girls’ rooms anymore – It’s just that I don’t like to use port-o-pottys at games.” “Well then, this shouldn’t be much of a punishment then,” I point out, “Perhaps then I should put you on toilet suspension instead.” “No sir,” she quickly answers, “I’ll use the girls’ rooms like you said.” “You’d better – And that’s for 2 months,” I warn her, “And if I catch you in a faculty bathroom during that time, you WILL go on toilet suspension.” “Yes sir,” she answers, “I’ll use the student girls’ rooms like you said.”

As our shapely and sexy cheerleading coach finally departs the committee room, fighting back tears as she goes, I can only shake my head. “You’re the cheerleading coach for Pete’s sake,” I repeat, “How can you just mess in your panties?”

I guess it should come as no surprise to see Topanga, a well-built senior with darkish blonde-hair, standing before the TVPC this afternoon. Between soiling her panties, clogging the toilet with her large bowel movements, and leaving class without permission, she’s pretty much a regular here. And she remains a prime suspect in a particularly disgusting act of toilet-related vandalism against a teacher she is known to dislike. I’ve seen just about everything with this talkative, sometimes argumentative, senior. But even I have to shake my head in disbelief as I read the Violation Report in our next case.

“Using the boys’ room, Topanga?” I ask her as I read the Violation Report, “You were having a bowel movement in the boys’ room?” “Is using the girls’ room just not exciting enough for you, young lady?” I ask her, “Why does every bowel movement seem to be an adventure with you?” The comment brings a little smile to Topanga’s face and a few giggles from her friends – Corey and Shawn – who are here with her. “I don’t know, sir,” Topanga tells me, “It’s just something that I did.”

But Mr. Kotter, her accuser, tells a slightly different story. “Her and the boys were having some sort of contest,” he tells us. “All 3 of them had bowel movements in the boys’ room,” he explains further, “And they were comparing them to see who’s was the biggest.” “Is that true?” I ask Topanga. She nods her head “yes.” “That sounds like you not only used the boys’ room but you were playing games in there,” I point out to Topanga, “I’m thinking we should add that to your charges.” I ask her to explain further. “Corey and Shawn kept saying that boys take bigger sh…. – I mean, that boys have bigger bowel movements than girls, they said,” Topanga explains, “And I wanted to prove to them that girls can have them just as big.” “Corey and Shawn had already been in trouble for going into the girls’ room,” she points out, “So they wanted me to go into the boys’ room with them.” “We were just trying to see whose bowel movement was bigger,” she adds. “Topanga won,” Corey chimes in laughing, “Topanga won big time.” “I wouldn’t be laughing right now, young man,” I tell him, “You don’t really think you’re innocent in this whole matter, are you?”

“But I just went into the boys’ room,” Corey explains, “I was just taking a sh…. – I mean, I was just having a bowel movement in the boys’ room.” “You were playing games in the boys’ room just like Topanga was,” I explain to him, “Naturally, we can’t punish you for this, but our companion TVPC surely can.” “And the same goes for you, young man,” I tell Shawn, “You both can count on this case being referred to them.” “I understand that things didn’t go so well for you the last time you were there,” I remind the 2 boys, “Didn’t you two have to spend a month using only the girls’ bathrooms.” Our only concern now is Topanga because our TVPC can only punish the girls, but our companion TVPC can punish the boys, too. The boys’ attitude quickly becomes more serious when reminded of that.

“Oh Please sir – Oh Please not that!” Corey begs, “They can’t make us go back to using the girls’ rooms again – That was awful.” “Please sir – You don’t know what it was like,” Shawn chimes in, “You don’t know what it was like to have to pee sitting down and have the girls make fun of us while we were doing it.” “Please not that – We’ve never even set foot in a girls’ room after that,” Corey points out, “That’s why we made Topanga come into the boys’ room with us.” “We wanted to make sure we never got that girls’ room punishment again,” he adds. “But I suppose you didn’t care about Topanga possibly getting sentenced to having to use the boys’ rooms,” I point out. “We were kind of hoping that you’d go easy on Topanga if we got caught,” Corey explains, “I mean, we didn’t get that girls’ room punishment until our 3rd time going into the girls’ room.” “This is only Topanga’s first time going into the boys’ room,” he adds. “And I think this kind of punishment is easier for a girl,” Shawn points out, “You let the girls pee in the stall like they’re used to.” “I guess you really can’t make the girls use our urinals,” he adds, “But since there are no urinals in the girls’ room, us boys have to use the stall to pee and that’s a real pain.”

“Well, it’s going to be up to the other TVPC to decide how to punish you for this,” I tell the 2 boys, “It’s entirely up to them to decide if you’re going to get another girls’ room punishment or not.” “But considering how much you hated that punishment last time, I’d have thought you’d have learned your lesson,” I continue, “I really don’t understand how you could pull another stunt like this.” “We did learn our lesson,” Corey explains, “That’s why we stayed out of the girls’ room ourselves.” “Tell it to the other TVPC,” I tell him, “As I said, I will be referring your case to them.”

Turning my attention back to Topanga, I ask her if she enjoyed using the boys’ room today. Of course, it’s a loaded question – the implication being that I’m considering assigning her to use the boys’ rooms as her punishment. “I’m sorry – It was stupid of me to use the boys’ room,” she says. “It’s just that Corey and Shawn kept bragging about big they sh… - I mean, how big their bowel movements were,” she explains, “I just wanted to shut them up and the only way I could think to do that was to show them how big one of mine was.” “And, like they said, they didn’t want to get in trouble again for going into the girls’ room,” she explains further, “So they convinced me to do mine in the boys’ room with them.” “I was really stupid – I realize that now,” she adds, “But I just wanted to shut them up about what they were saying.” “Please sir! – I don’t want to be using the boys’ rooms all the time, that’s just gross,” she says, “I know that I’m supposed to be using the girls’ rooms and that’s where I really want to be going to the bathroom from now on.” “Please just punish me some other way,” Topanga continues, “Please don’t make me use the boys’ rooms all the time.” “I was with Corey and Shawn when they were in there this time,” she explains further, “They made sure that no one else was in the boys’ room when I went in.” “They’re my friends and I was comfortable with them in there with me,” she says, “But I would just about die if I had to go to the bathroom with other boys in there.”

Checking with her accuser, Mr. Kotter confirms that Topanga, Corey and Shawn were indeed in the boys’ room when this all happened. “When I came in, the three of them were all done and they comparing the sizes of their bowel movements in the toilet.” “Topanga did win for sure, Mr. Chairman,” he points out, “In fact, she’s mighty lucky that she didn’t clog the toilet.” “You know you’d be facing a third charge if that happened,” I tell Topanga, “And clogging a toilet that you shouldn’t have been using in the first place could have meant a toilet suspension.”

Of course, I’m very tempted to make Topanga use the boys’ room for perhaps 2 weeks or so, but ultimately I decide against that. After all, it wasn’t until the boys went into the girls’ room a 3rd time that they got put on a girls’ room punishment. For going into the boys’ room and having a bowel movement there (her offense is officially called, “Having a Bowel Movement in the Boys’ Room), she’ll have to write “I will not have a bowel movement in the boys’ room again” 500 times. “You’ll also spend 3 weeks of your 6th period study hall sitting where you should have been sitting before,” I tell her, “And that, of course, is sitting on a toilet in the GIRLS’ room.” But as I stated before, that wasn’t all that Topanga did. She must also be punished for “Playing Games in the Boys’ Room.” “I think it’s going to take a more creative punishment to teach you a lesson about that,” I explain to Topanga, “And since you seem to be so proud of your bowel movements, I’d like you to show them off to all of us.” “I’m letting you still use the girls’ rooms,” I tell her, “But you’re going to bring your cellphone with you.” “The next 5 bowel movements that you do in school, you will also take a picture of in the toilet,” I inform her, “And then you’ll send us that picture.” “And then we’ll put a picture of your bowel movement up there on that bulletin board,” I continue, “And then everyone can admire your magnificent bowel movements.”

Topanga looks at me in horror at such a thought. “It seems a shame to just share them with Corey and Shawn,” I tell her sarcastically, “I think the whole school would like to have a look as well.” Obviously, she’s horrified at the prospect of this, but she can tell by my tone of voice that I’m serious and there is no way I’m going to change that. “And just in case you’re thinking of just holding it in and not going in school, you’re going to have detention every day until we have 5 bowel movement pictures up on the bulletin board,” I inform her, “So you might as well get that over with as soon as possible.” “And if you end up having an accident from trying to hold it in too long, we’ll just take a picture of your soiled panties and put that up on the bulletin board, too,” I tell her, “And that, or course, will be in addition to the regular punishment you get for the accident.”

The poor girl can no longer hold back the tears as she contemplates the punishment ahead. Sharing her bowel movements with her close friends Corey and Shawn is one thing – Sharing them with the whole school is another thing entirely. And the 500 times, detention, and toilet sitting time won’t be a picnic, either. Hopefully, this will be a lesson that Topanga won’t soon forget. Corey and Shawn are, of course, referred to our companion TVPC – facing the charge of “Playing Games in the Boys’ Room.”

Before moving on with our TVPC agenda this afternoon, we must pause once again to address the matter of the mess in the Science Wing girls’ room – specifically, the bowel movement that some girl did on the floor in one of the stalls. Here once again is Mrs. Johns, our lead investigator. Also here is Miss Sherwood, an English teacher, who is the teacher supervising the girls on bathroom cleaning duty today and with her is Lucy, one of the girls assigned to punishment of cleaning that aforementioned Science Wing girls’ room.

“I assure you, Mr. Chairman, that we will find the girl responsible for this,” Mrs. Johns tells us, “We have several clues that we will proceed to investigate, but as of now, unfortunately, we don’t know who the guilty party is.” Mrs. Johns is a great investigator and I have no doubt that her investigation will produce some bad news for the perpetrator of this vile and disgusting act of defecating on the girls’ room floor. In the meantime, though, this is bad news for Lucy. Mrs. Johns is also here to tell us that the investigative team has concluded its preliminary investigation of that girls’ room stall and now it’s time for that mess to be cleaned up.

“I’m sorry, Lucy,” I tell the friendly and likeable sophomore, “But I have some bad news for you.” “I had hoped we’d find the guilty party promptly and then they’d have to clean up the mess,” I explain, “But since we don’t know who the guilty party is yet, someone else has to do it.” “I can only assure you that the guilty party will be punished quite severely when we catch her,” I continue explaining to Lucy, “But in the meantime, I’m afraid you’re going to have to clean it up.”

There’s certainly an unhappy and disgusted look on Lucy’s face as she nods her heard to acknowledge the disgusting task that awaits her, but she actually takes the news in stride. She’s had toilet cleaning punishments before and though I doubt she’s ever had to clean up anything this bad, she’s certainly had to clean up plenty of “unpleasantness” in the girls’ room. But surprisingly, the news does bring quite a reaction from Libby, serving detention in the back of the room. “WHAT!” she exclaims loudly at hearing the news. “Why does Lucy have to clean it up?” she asks. “Why is it any of your business?” I ask her. “Um, well, um, it isn’t really my business,” Libby mumbles, “It’s just that I thought Sabrina was cleaning the Science Wing girls’ room after school today.” Once again, I ask her why this is any of her business. “Well-um, it isn’t my um business,” she mumbles again, “It’s just that I know that Sabrina has to do bathroom cleaning and I saw her name on the assignment list for the Science Wing girls’ room.”

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

“Really, Libby – Don’t you think that this obsession you have with Sabrina is going a bit too far,” lectures Mrs. Karbopple, a member of the TVPC, “Why in the world would you be looking at the bathroom cleaning assignment list if you’re not on it yourself?” Mrs. Karbopple, who is in charge of such assignments, goes on to explain that Lucy and Sabrina were both assigned to clean the Science Wing girls’ room in detention today. “Sabrina’s toilet violation wasn’t all that serious,” she explains further, “She did clog the toilet but at least she didn’t make it overflow.” “Lucy was assigned to scrub the toilets and clean the stalls,” explains Mrs. Karbopple, “Sabrina was only assigned to clean the sinks, empty the garbage and refill the toilet paper.” “Lucy made a mess all over the toilet seat – That’s what she got bathroom cleaning punishment for,” she adds, “And that is why she got the worse assignment.” Just for the record, Lucy’s messing of the toilet seat wasn’t intentional like is the case with the girl who messed on the floor today. Lucy had messed in her panties earlier that day and went into the girls’ room trying to clean herself up some and to urinate in the toilet so she wouldn’t have a doubleheader accident. She ended us messing on the toilet seat when she sat her soiled behind down on the toilet seat.

Libby does seem satisfied with that explanation but she is unarguably disappointed that Sabrina is not going to have to clean that mess up. I find this not only puzzling but more than a little sinister as well. I motion for Miss Sherwood and Lucy to wait a moment before commencing Lucy’s cleaning task in the girls’ room.

“What do you know about that mess in the girls’ room?” I ask Libby. She just looks at me puzzled. “Well, you seemed to know about who is on toilet cleaning duty, perhaps you know who made the mess on the floor as well.” Libby just shakes her head “no” – apparently to indicate that she doesn’t know anything about it. Again, there seems something sinister in her demeanor. I next question Mrs. Johns and she reports that the mess on the floor happened sometime after the start of 7th period and before the end of 8th period. Turning my attention back to our raven haired cheerleader, we discover that Libby was not only using the girls’ room during that time (we already knew that she was late for 8th period Geometry with Miss Spellman), but she was using that very same Science Wing girls’ room. “What were you doing in THAT girls’ room?” Miss Spellman asks her, “No wonder you were so late for class if you went all the way over there to go to the bathroom.” The implication being that Miss Spellman’s class is nowhere near the Science Wing nor is Libby’s class the period before that. Libby can offer no explanation as to why she decided to use that particular girls’ room, but the picture is suddenly becoming abundantly clear. “You knew that Sabrina was assigned to clean that bathroom,” I point out to Libby, “That’s the only reason you went into that bathroom, wasn’t it?”

Actually, that was a rhetorical question of sorts as I was looking more for a reaction from Libby than an answer, but it’s the reaction of Miss Spellman that catches me off guard. “HOLY SHIT!” Miss Spellman exclaims at Libby, “You were the one who messed on the floor.” “You thought that Sabrina was going to have to clean it up, so you took a shit on the floor,” she yells at Libby, “How could you do such a thing? – What the fuck is wrong with you?” Immediately, Miss Spellman apologizes for her language, but given the circumstances who could really blame her. And her little tirade elicited the exact reaction that I was looking for. The usually arrogant and queen bee wanabee Libby starts to cry as she is not only being shamed but laughed at as her plan is revealed. I mean, it’s bad enough that she went to the bathroom on the floor in a plot against Sabrina, but Sabrina wasn’t even going to have to clean it up anyway. It would be laughable if it weren’t so disgusting and such an egregious violation of TVPC rules.

“You squatted down and did a bowel movement on the floor?” I ask her for the record, “All because you wanted Sabrina to have to clean it up?” “Yes sir,” she answers, now through a river of tears. “Obviously, you already know who’s going to have to clean it up now, don’t you?” I ask her. “Yes sir,” she acknowledges again. But with that, she starts to head for the door – presumably on the way to the girls’ room to do just that. “Not so fast, young lady,” I tell her, “You don’t really think your punishment is going to end at that, do you?” She doesn’t answer but obviously she understands.

“You’ll have a month of cleaning bathrooms after school,” I tell her and note for the record. “And rest assured that you’ll be scrubbing toilets the whole time,” I add, “They’ll be no light duty cleaning sinks, refilling toilet paper and stuff like that.” She’ll also have to write, “I will not do my bowel movements on the girls’ room floor in school again” 1,000 times. Furthermore, she’ll write a 1,000 word letter of apology to Sabrina (the target of her plan) and another 1,000 word letter of apology to Lucy (the girl who almost had to clean it up).

“And you’ll also be on toilet suspension for a month,” I tell her, “Since you didn’t want to do your bowel movement in the toilet where it belongs, you can try doing them in your pants for a while.” Libby reacts with utter horror at hearing that news. “I can’t use the toilet in school at all?” she asks, “For an entire month?” “That’s correct,” I tell her, matter-of-factly, “If you even set foot in a girls’ room, you get a longer toilet suspension and another 1,000 sentences to write.” “Please sir – You have to reconsider,” she pleads, “I use the girls’ rooms all the time.” “I can’t hold it in like some girls can – I NEED to use the girls’ room in school,” she continues, “I’ll have to go in my pants all the time.” “Well, you certainly should have thought of that before you decided to go to the bathroom on the floor,” I tell her angrily, “Girls shouldn’t have to see a pile of fecal matter on the floor when they go to use the girls’ room.” “But please, sir – I don’t want to be going in my pants,” she pleads some more, “I want to be able to go in the toilet.” “Then you should have gone in the toilet when you had the chance,” I point out. “But you decided to go on the floor instead,” I lecture her, “So now you’ll have to go in your pants for a while.” She starts to plead again, but I stop her. Intentionally going to the bathroom in an inappropriate place is a very serious violation,” I tell her, “The toilet suspension stands!” A TVPC staffer then attaches the dreaded red wristband to Libby’s wrist.

Miss Spellman also points out that Libby lied to her about the reason she was late for class earlier today. “She told me that she was using the girls’ room, but doesn’t that assume that she was going in the toilet like she was supposed to,” the pretty, young Math teacher explains, “She didn’t tell me that she was late because she was going to the bathroom on the floor. “That’s a very good point,” I tell her. Accordingly, Libby must also write 500 times “I will not lie to my Math teacher about my toilet habits again.” As Miss Sherwood leads Libby away to the girls’ room to clean up her disgusting mess, Libby just can’t resist sticking her tongue out at Miss Spellman. “Make that 1,000 times!” I tell her, “And make sure you’re not late with your assignments – they’re all due in 1 week.”

Next up, we have 2 different girls named Sam – that is 2 VERY different girls named Sam. Though the girls are different personality wise and different toilet habits wise, they are both here for the same thing – Specifically, for soiling their panties. Seeing one of the girls in soiled panties surprises me, while seeing the other in soiled panties just makes me angry.

The first girl is a POPULAR girl – a smart and academically-oriented, but decidedly toilet-troubled senior. She is certainly no stranger to the TVPC as this is her 4th panty-soiling offense this year and she has plenty of other toilet offenses to go with those. Her loose fitting skirt does a good job of concealing what’s in her panties (I suspect that’s why she usually wears loose fitting skirts), but it still can’t completely hide what this Sam had done in her panties this time. This signals to me that this accident is one of considerable severity. In addition to 3 previous panty-soilings this school year alone, she’s also had a violation for lying to the TVPC about one of them, twice sneaking off campus to use another bathroom, once using the faculty bathroom in the Librarian’s office. That latter offense occurring less than a week ago. I’m kind of thinking that a very stern punishment is going to be in order here.

The second Sam is a stunningly beautiful junior who is indeed a stranger to the TVPC, not having been before us since her freshman year. And even in her freshman year, she only had a single panty-soiling violation as well as 2 violations for using too much toilet paper. And it’s hard to believe that the skinny, gawky and tomboyish freshman has blossomed into the stunning beauty that is before us this afternoon. All I can say is “WOW!” Even though it’s only her first accident in a long time, she’s still quite upset by it. It’s not that she’s actually crying about it, but she sure is mad at herself for letting it happen. “I just don’t know what happened,” she says. “I’m just sitting there in class and I suddenly gotta go,” she explains, “And suddenly I gotta go so bad that I can’t hold it in.”

“Well, that’s how it goes sometimes,” I point out, “Sometimes our bowel movements are nice and easy to control and sometimes our bowels tell us WHO’S THE BOSS!” “I guess so, sir,” she says, “It’s just that I still can’t believe I did it in my panties.” “I guess I shouldn’t have waited like I did,” she says, “But I really didn’t think I had to go so bad.” “I just thought that I could wait until class was over,” she continues, “I never had to go so bad so fast before in my entire life.” “I just can’t believe I did this,” she repeats, “You know that I always go to the girls’ room and use the toilet when I need to.” With that, I see that she is starting to cry.

“Relax,” I tell her, “I know that you always go in the toilet when you need to.” “I know it’s only your first offense,” I explain, “You first offense in 2 years, in fact.” “You don’t even get a punishment for this – It’s just a warning,” I explain further, “It’s really nothing to be ashamed of.” “How can I not be ashamed,” she says, “I just went to the bathroom in my pants and it’s the big stuff, too.” “I mean, I guess it’s good that I’m not getting punished,” she acknowledges, “But it’s still my fault and I’m still ashamed.” “It doesn’t make it any less disgusting just because I’m not getting punished for it,” she adds. “Just look at how disgusting this is,” she tells us, as she turns to show us the big bulge in the back of her tight fitting jeans, “How can I not be ashamed of myself for doing that.” Admittedly, the mess looks pretty bad with a big bulge in the seat of her skin tight jeans, but I think it’s more a function of how tight the jeans are than how big the load is. I mean, no load in a high schooler’s panties can be considered a good one, but I doubt this one is really as bad as it looks. It definitely is not as bad as she thinks it is.
“You really shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, Sam,” I tell her, “If you really want to be so ashamed of yourself, I can’t stop you, but you really have no reason to be.” “In fact, you should be proud of your toilet record,” I point out, “Most girls in this school have done worse and some, a whole lot worse.” That last comment was directed at the other Sam with a load in her panties this afternoon. “Yes sir,” she says, drying her eyes, “But I still think it’s shameful for a girl my age to go to the bathroom in her pants – Especially when it’s pooping.” “Accidents happen,” I remind her. “I guess you can punish yourself if you want,” I explain, “But you don’t get any punishment here for a first offense – only a warning.”

Now, turning my attention to the other Sam – the senior and the POPULAR one – I wish she were as upset about this as her junior namesake. This Sam really has good reason to be ashamed of yet another mess in her panties. “Shame on you,” I tell her. “Shame on you, again!” I tell her again, “There really isn’t much else to say than you should be ashamed of yourself.” “Yes sir,” she says, kind of stoically, like she’s so used to having messes in her panties that it really isn’t much of a big deal with her anymore. Don’t get me wrong, she is indeed embarrassed by her fear of having bowel movements in school and the accidents that come with that (especially when she gets teased about it by her even more POPULAR step-sister Brooke), but she seems to have learned to just accept it and cope with the messy accidents without getting all that upset about it.

“I just don’t know what to say to you, Sam,” I tell the brunette, “You’re such a bright girl but still you can’t seem to learn to properly handle your bowel movements in school.” “Shame on you – Shame on you!” I repeat that very appropriate refrain, “You’re a senior now – When are you going to learn to do your bowel movements in school?” “How many times is this?” I ask her, anger evident in my voice. “It’s my 4th time,” she answers quietly but matter-of-factly. “I’m not talking about just this year!” I yell at her, “I’m talking about how many times in your high school career?” Sam is visibly taken aback by my harsh tone. “I don’t know – I don’t remember,” she answers my question as the tears start rolling down her cheeks. “Is this 20 accidents in your pants so far in high school?” I ask her harshly. “Maybe,” she says meekly, too ashamed to even look me in the eye.

The usually quite articulate young lady just stands there crying. “I do go in the toilet in school,” she says, through her tears, “It’s just that I have accidents sometimes, too.” “Yeah! you go in the faculty bathrooms when you don’t want to go in your pants,” I remind her harshly, “Your 1,000 times for that is due tomorrow you know.” “Obviously, the point is that you need to be using the girls’ room,” I tell her, “You know very well that you’re not supposed to be using the faculty ones and obviously you know you shouldn’t be going in your pants.” “You’re smart enough to get straight A’s in Advanced Placement English,” I remind Sam, who is also editor of the school newspaper, “But you won’t get a pass and go to the girls’ room when you need to.”

Mrs. Buchman, her English teacher has filed the Violation Report in this case. “Actually, it didn’t happen in English class,” Mrs. Buchman clarifies, “It happened in Study Hall.” “I’m the teacher in charge of 7th period study hall in the cafeteria,” the English teacher explains, “I could tell that Sam had had an accident by the way she was walking as she left the cafeteria.” “Study Hall!” I exclaim at Sam. “You had this accident in study hall?” I ask her, “You wouldn’t even get a pass in study hall to go to the girls’ room?” It’s bad enough when a girl has an accident in class, but study hall is even worse. While girls’ room visits during class time are discouraged (and teachers are under no obligation to even let girls go when they ask), study hall is one of the times when girls are expected to go and take care of these needs. “She tried to deny it at first,” Mrs. Buchman points out, “But I know a mess in a girl’s panties when I see one – even when it’s hidden by a skirt.” “I had to take her into the girls’ room and do a panty-inspection,” she explains, “And boy did she have a load in those panties.” “It was all solid and kind of hard,” she adds, “But she sure had a lot of it packed back there in her panties.” “I didn’t want to go in the girls’ room down by the cafeteria,” Sam mumbles, “I know I don’t like to go in the girls’ rooms in school at all, but I REALLY don’t like the one by the cafeteria.” “I was trying to hold it in so I could use the girls’ room upstairs,” she says, “I really thought that I could wait until next period.” But all I can do is shake my head at that. “I’m really tired of your excuses, young lady,” I tell her in no uncertain terms, “It’s quite obvious that the only answer is punishment and quite severe punishment at that.”

Accordingly, I first sentence the toilet troubled senior to write 1,000 times, “I will not soil my panties in school again.” “Another 1,000 times?” Sam asks, obviously not happy to get another one when she still has to finish the 1,000 times she got last week for using the faculty bathroom. “Yes, 1,000 times,” I explain, “And next time it’ll be 1,000 times on the blackboard in detention.” In the meantime, she’ll have 2 weeks detention and it’ll be 2 weeks detention sitting on the toilet – and that’ll be 2 weeks on the toilet in the girls’ room by the cafeteria. “What about the detention I still have for using the teachers’ bathroom?” she asks, “Do I still have to finish serving that?” “Obviously, you do,” I explain, “You’ll serve the toilet sitting detention first and then go back and serve the days you’ve got left on detention for the other.” (Under TVPC rules, the more serious detention gets served first). “And finally, I’m sentencing you to mess cleaning punishment,” I tell her and note for the record, “You will proceed immediately to the 2nd Floor girls’ room and you’ll clean up your accident.” “Would you like to do the honors, Mrs. Buchman,” I ask her English teacher, the question being would she be willing to escort the senior to the girls’ room and supervise her star pupil cleaning up after her accident. As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, the “Accident Clean-Up” punishment entails a girl having to wipe herself completely clean of the mess (and that is using only toilet paper), dumping out her panties in the toilet to get the worst of it out, and then scrubbing the panties completely clean in the sink. And as an incentive to get the panties completely clean, she has to wear them to school tomorrow.

“I’d be happy to supervise her,” Mrs. Buchman answers, “I think having to clean it all up will do her a lot of good, Mr. Chairman.” “It’s kind of a solid load and shouldn’t be too hard to clean up,” she turns and says to Sam, “But it’ll certainly be a lot harder than if you had just done it in the toilet in the first place.” “Maybe you’ll learn how much easier it is to simply go in the toilet when you need to than to have to clean it out of your panties later,” she adds. “That’s what I’m thinking, too,” I tell the very smart and quite pretty English teacher, who then leads Sam out the door and on the way to the girls’ room for the decidedly unpleasant task ahead.

So concludes another session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee. Meeting adjourned at 3:52 PM.

[spandexman]

Just a two grapefruit sized load?

I know Grace does bigger jobs than that. it must have been a slow day for her. As always a great report. Thanks.

[Narada]

Oh wow, that was cool!

Thanks for sticking it to Libby--I hate her sooo much! It's going to be torture for her having to clean the girl's room and not be able to use it! I can just imagine her on her hands and knees in her cheerleading outfit, weeping whilst she cleans a really grotty toilet and soils herself both ways! And then she'll have to clean THAT up! I love it! I think. Libby will wind up causing herself another punishment ; she's not done trying to get Sabrina yet!

Poor Topanga! LoL. It's going to be so humiliating having pics of her BM's displayed for the entire school to see. I think Corey is going to ask for leniency for her, as well as demanding that his BM's be shown as well in a sign of solidarity with his girlfriend. I'll hear what he has to say on the matter when he comes before my branch of the TVPC.

I think we're getting closer to finding out who filled Mr Feeny's car with all those poopy panties! Stay tuned for further updates...