keeping fetish secrets

[pck]

I was just wondering if there were others in relationships who keeps this fetish a secret for fear of ruining that relationship.

[ab140]

I certainly have not been game to mention my interest. I have made comments around the topic occasionally to see if there was any interest, but there wasn't. So I just keep it to my self.

Andrew

[Bugguy]

I wanted to keep mine a secret in my new relationship but my ex told my gf after 2 weeks of us being together. Thankfully she is "ok" with it.

[Adrian6970]

Thus far I've kept my interest beneath the lady in my life's radar, although I do refer to toilet related matters fairly frankly. She's not the sort of woman who'd be shocked if she were to find out though. Very much a woman of the world, she's not of a type to be easily shocked. However I've only known her for a relatively short time and I don't feel the time is yet right - if there ever is a right time - to introduce her to my interest.

[Apemantus]

I wanted to keep mine a secret in my new relationship but my ex told my gf after 2 weeks of us being together. Thankfully she is "ok" with it.

Now, you really should expand on that, what do you mean she is ok? That could mean, fine but not with me buddy, or fine, want me to start shitting myself now?

[Vesta]

I figured out my wife is not ok with it even though we never specifically discussed panty-pooping. Early in our dating we were chit-chatting about kinky sex and she brought up a whole list of things that turned her off, and anything involving elimination, WS, etc was on her taboo list. Hindsight being 20/20 in some ways I regret marrying her because her taste in sex is proving to be very different from mine.

[wells981]

I had managed to keep my dirty secret from my wife for many years. One day while she was out at the hairdresser, I took a pair of her black silky knickers and enjoyed myself filling them with poo and masturbating myself in them. I cleaned everything up and put her knickers on the bathroom radiator to quick dry, and completely forgot about them (doh!). When she came back and went to the toilet she asked me why there was a pair of her knickers on the radiator. I can assure you, the next hour was the most embarrassing of my life, as I had to explain all about my fetish. She was NOT amused, nor very understanding. There were awkward silences around the house for weeks and even now, several years on, the subject is never mentioned. Somewhere around that time she went off physical sex with me, claiming 'discomfort' and since then I get a very occasional hand job if I'm lucky.

However, it hasn't stopped me shitting myself - I'm just a lot more careful and scrupulous about the cleanup. In retaliation for her attitude to sex I often masturbate in bed at night when she's gone to sleep and also smell her unwashed knickers to heighten my orgasm. Also, I have several strategies for actually shitting myself whilst she's around. In particular, when she's working in the garden, I'll often line my knickers with tissues and shit myself whilst watching her out the window, sniffing a pair of her dirty knickers and masturbating at the same time. On one occasion I was particularly sexed up, so I lined my knickers as usual and went out into the garden to talk to her. I just stood there, chatting away and pushing out a huge poo into my pants. The subsequent masturbation was very special.

So despite the fact my wife knows about my fetish and has no intention of making my day and shitting her pants for me, I still manage to carry on regardless.

[pants504]

This is something I have worried about

I wanted to keep mine a secret in my new relationship but my ex told my gf after 2 weeks of us being together. Thankfully she is "ok" with it.

This is precisely why I was never too keen to mention this! Glad it worked out though...

[PERVasive]

My strategy in all my relationships has been to be very up front about my fetishes, so that we can both still get out easily if it's a problem. The result is that all of my girlfriends have been at very least okay with my doing fetish stuff, if not curious to experiment with it. At present, my long-term partner and I are still figuring out how my fetish can fit into our relationship, since she doesn't really want to participate (she tried and didn't like it), but it is clearly important to me, and she wants me to be sexually fulfilled.

I would definitely recommend to anyone being up front about fetishes in dating. Getting rejected early on over fetish stuff beats the drama that can happen after years of secrecy by far. Honesty and straightforwardness about sex and relationships I think generally works out better than secrecy and white lies. I think people also take their cues for how to react from how we present the fetish; if one keeps it secret and acts ashamed of it, people will react as if it is something to be ashamed of. I haven't yet had someone treat me disrespectfully when I presented my fetish and my embarrassment about it calmly and confidently.

I don't mean to be putting down anyone's life choices, by the way. I'm just speaking from my own life experience.

[vaarjas]

I managed to hide it for at least a year but one day we were discussing kinks and things and, thankfully, she was really open, mature and accepting about sex in general, and we had a lot of trust between us, so we both confessed what we liked, and she was fine with it. Not grossed out like I had feared.

That's what adult relationships are, honesty, love, trust and acceptance, talking generally here, never mind kinks. Even if your partner doesn't want to practice your kinks, it's good to know they accept it as part of your list of turn ons. Not having to hide stuff is a good feeling.

I imagine it's easier for younger couples than older ones though, changing cultural approaches to sexuality and things considered.

Make sure your partner has the sort of mindset that says "anything goes, so long as those involved agree and its done safely" would be my advice when discussing this.

[diaperpailpat]

I told mine up front--after knowing her for two years and dating her for several months--and she was fine with it. Then a few years later, I married her! Couldn't let that one get away!

I can't imagine getting married and your partner NOT knowing. I'm really bad at being dishonest, and having to hide such a big part of me would drive me crazy.

[Six Gun]

I've been with my wife since high school (we dated for 12 years before getting married last year), and I actually told her in like 10th grade or something. I can't really remember how I told her or even why, but she was still at that impressionable stage I guess where she just didn't know what else to say. I went away for college and it sort of fell to the wayside for a time but after college when we moved in together, it was sort of "oh...you still like that?" After some discussion and coaxing, I got her to agree to wear diapers and even to poop in them several times. It's always been sort of our special kink that we indulge in from time to time. I used to only care about me wearing diapers but probably since we got married I'm more and more into having her wear them instead of me. She doesn't love diapers by any means, but she does love me so she will wear them. That's what I call true love and dedication; doing something that you don't care for to please your mate. I would do the same for her if she ever thought of something that turned her on like diapers do for me. Someone before me said it best, how they could never marry someone without having them know. I agree, as that could lead to further distrust in the relationship. ("What ELSE are you hiding from me?"). Though I would never decide weather or not to marry her based solely on her reaction to my diapers, if she told me she didn't want to partake, I would respect her decision. (But gently nudge her to change her mind). My years of effort has taken her from not wearing diapers, to wearing them, to pooping them, and HER favorite, which is wetting them. She will never wear them without me asking (mostly because it's not her thing), and she will never wear them out of the house, but she seems maybe a little more positive than neutral when she does wear them. Lately, I've begun to put baby oil around her legs when I diaper her, and she seems to really enjoy that, so maybe I've found a little something for her to enjoy.

Our last play session saw her diaper me as well. I was feeling particularly...bold...that night so I asked since neither one of us had to poop if I could pour warm oatmeal into her diaper. She was all like "oh yeah, sounds like fun", and then I asked if she could pour some warm oatmeal into MY diaper too, and she said slyly "Sure!"...so she let me pound her "messy" diapered bottom while we both felt my messy diaper together. I made her "cry" and tell me how embarrassed she was to have pooped her diaper "in front of all those people", and told her how only *I* was allowed to poop my diaper, and let me tell you...I NEEDED that diaper to contain all the "excitement" that came out of me that night. So yeah...tell your significant other...you can tell I'm glad that I did. If you don't tell her, what I just told you will never happen. If you DO tell her...it just might.

-Six

[Linkx]

"I imagine it's easier for younger couples than older ones though, changing cultural approaches to sexuality and things considered." I would agree with this absolutely.

I'm in a similar boat as Six. I've been dating my highschool girlfriend for 6 years now and while I didn't tell her immediately after I felt we were close enough I told her. To be fair though I did tell her initially just about wetting/diapers and only hinted at pooping but shortly after I told her everything and she was accepting and open minded of it. She's only wet herself for me as of yet however I think she'll come around, it's quite a bit easier when you have your own place as well, which will be soon.

The only time she shit her pants she happened to be a few thousand miles away in Europe -_-....

[Maria]

I have always been very honest with my partner. He knows about my pooping fetish. Though he gets stiff when grown women wet their pants (which I think is pretty normal for middle-aged guys), he has no interest whatsoever in scat, but he never criticizes me.

He knows I do it when I am alone, but only twice have I done it in front of him. The most recent time, we were kind of stuck in traffic on the freeway. I had to go so bad that I was nearly bent over double. He asked me what I would do if I were alone, and I replied quite honestly that I would definitely just go in my pants. He said, "If that's what you want to do, go ahead. It won't bother me." So I did it in my pants and it really didn't seem to bother him, though I could tell that he was not aroused.

[spandexman]

Too bad

Being a middle aged guy I would welcome watching you poop yourself. I would even join you if you wanted.