Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

[Arnold Ziffel]

Note: I had initially intended this for mid August but I couldn't get it finished in time. So we'll just have to remember that Aug. 20th is the date of this session.

Welcome to a SPECIAL SESSION of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Regular Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. Since school is not in session yet, this SPECIAL SESSION is called to order at 9:00 AM. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.

My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the special TVPC meeting of August 20, 2012.

As noted, this is a special session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC). This session has been called to address the toilet violations occurring at this summer’s band camp. Every year, our school band goes away to camp for a week in order to practice their routines for the upcoming school year. Since band camp is a school event, the toileting behavior of the girls at the camp does indeed come under TVPC jurisdiction. And every year, unfortunately, we do get toilet violations from the girls at the camp. This year actually we have fewer cases than in prior years, but that’s not to say that our agenda today is a short one.

Our first case is actually a two-fer. That is Connie, a sweet but painfully shy junior, has 2 separate charges of panty-soiling. She pleads “Guilty” to both charges, but asks for leniency in her punishments. “Why should you get leniency when you just stubbornly refuse to use the girls’ room like you should?” I ask her. “But sir – I did use the girls’ room at band camp this year,” Connie says. “I went poop in the toilet a few times,” she argues, “I went poop in the toilet more times than I went poop in my pants.” “You need to do your bowel movements in the toilet ALL THE TIME not just MOST of the time,” I tell her, “Twice in your panties is still quite shameful.”

“Yes, sir – I know it’s shameful,” Connie says, bowing her head in shame, “It’s just that I don’t like going poops when other girls are around.” “I just don’t like it when other girls are in the bathroom when I have to do it,” she continues, “I don’t mind doing it in public bathrooms so much, as long as I’m alone in there when I’m doing it.” “Well, you can’t always be alone in there,” I point out, “The whole point of a PUBLIC bathroom is that a lot of people have to use it.” She nods her head reluctantly in agreement. “I went to the girls’ room and did my poops at night when the other girls were sleeping,” she adds, “But on those 2 times when I went in my pants, I just couldn’t hold it in that long.” “I know it’s shameful that I had those 2 accidents,” she acknowledges, “But at least that’s better than I did last year.

Last year, Connie had a total of 4 soiling accidents at band camp – including one that she tried to hide by ditching it under her cabin. She spent 2 months on toilet suspension for that one. “To say that you did better than last year isn’t saying much,” I point out. “Did you even go in the toilet at all at band camp last year?” I ask. Shamefully, Connie indicates that she didn’t.

“Yes, she did do better than last year,” reports Mrs. Duncan, the Assistant Band Director, “But as you said, 2 messes in 1 week is still quite shameful.” “And it was not only shameful that she did this,” the lovely Mrs. Duncan points out, “They were pretty bad accidents, to boot.” “Connie may have been TRYING to hold it in,” she acknowledges, “But obviously, she didn’t succeed at all – She had some pretty big loads in her panties.” “Is that true, young lady?” I ask Connie. “I guess they were both kind of big,” she admits, “I guess it was kind of a lot in my panties both times.” “And she also did one of those in her panties in the cafeteria at dinner,” Mrs. Duncan points out. “If it isn’t bad enough that you did it in your pants in the first place, you had to share it with the rest of use while we were eating,” she lectures Connie, “Do you have any idea how bad a poop in your panties smells?” She nods her head in acknowledgement of that as well.

Moving on to Connie’s punishment, her first accident (being only her first offense of the new school year), gets only a warning. But considering the circumstances of her second accident, I give her a stern sentence of writing “I will not soil my panties at school or at band camp again” 250 times and serving a full week in detention. “A whole week?” Connie asks, questioning the severity of her sentence. “Yes, a whole week,” I tell her angrily. “When you do such a big mess like that, you get a bigger punishment,” I point out to her, “And when you make others have to smell it at dinner, I take that into consideration as well.” “Be happy your detention isn’t sitting on the toilet,” I tell her. With that, she obediently accepts her punishment.

It’s no surprise that our next case from band camp is also a panty-soiling. With all the girls at the camp for a week, we usually do get quite a few such cases, but I do a double-take when I see the name of the accused in our next case. Whereas, Connie has a history of panty-soiling (a total of 6 last year), it’s about the last thing I’d expect from CeCe. But every so often we get a case to SHAKE IT UP. CeCe is a senior with only 1 prior soiling accident in her high school career. And even that one was way back in her freshman year when her teacher wouldn’t let her go to the girls’ room during a 2-hour detention.

“You’re about the last person I’d expect to see charged with soiling her panties, “I tell CeCe, “Ever since that one time your freshman year, I know how careful you’ve been to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.” “Yes sir – I usually am careful,” she tells us. “I really hate how that feels having a mess in my panties,” she explains, “So I always make sure that I do it in the toilet instead.” “But I guess I just got careless this one time,” she continues, “I got careless and I guess I paid the price.” She goes on to explain that after lunch one day, they had a big session of marching practice. “It was down at this big field away from the main camp,” she explains, “And at this field, the only bathroom they had was this crummy, smelly outhouse.” “I was trying to hold it in because I didn’t want to go in that outhouse,” CeCe tells us, “I was trying to hold it in until we got back to the main campground, so I could go there.” “I really didn’t think that I had to go that bad,” she explains, fighting back the tears, “I never even thought that I wouldn’t be able to hold it in long enough.” “But I had an accident,” she acknowledges, “I couldn’t hold it in long enough and then I had an accident in my panties.” “I can’t believe that I was stupid to try to hold it in that long,” she adds, crying, “I can’t believe I made a mess in my panties.”

“There’s no reason to cry,” I tell her, trying to calm her down a bit, “Accidents happen sometimes and lots of girls have certainly done it more times than you have.” “Well, maybe sir,” she acknowledges, wiping her tears, “But it was still disgusting – It’s just so disgusting to have an accident in your pants like that.” “I promise sir, that I’m never going to do that again,” she tells me, “I don’t care how disgusting and smelly that outhouse was – It’s a lot more disgusting to go in your pants.” Obviously, she’s very upset at having an accident, even though it’s only her first one in a long time. “It’s just embarrassing – It’s so embarrassing,” the senior explains, “I was never so ashamed as when I got home and had to tell my mother what I did and show her my messy panties.” “I hope she wasn’t too hard on you,” I point out. “I didn’t get punished or anything like that, but she did make me clean out the messy panties,” CeCe explains, “That was really disgusting but I guess I deserve that for what I did.”

“Well, you only get a warning from the TVPC,” I tell her, “It’s only your first accident offense and you have no other offenses, so it’s just a warning.” She nods her head in acknowledgement. I assume she’s happy that she’s not getting punished, but I don’t think it eases her sense of shame at having an accident that afternoon in front of all of her band mates.

Our next case is that of panty-wetting and once again, I’m surprised at the accused. Ally, a bright and sensitive junior brunette, is another girl with a good toilet record and it’s hard to fathom how she would come to wet her pants at band camp. Ally has, however, pleaded “Not Guilty” to the charge. She doesn’t actually deny that she wet her pants – She just claims that it wasn’t her fault. With her today, apparently to lend moral support, is her close friend Austin. It seems that AUSTIN AND ALLY are always together.

I understand that you admit that you did wet your pants,” I question her, “But you don’t think you’re to blame for that happening.” “Yes sir,” she tells me respectfully, “It really wasn’t my fault.” Of course, I then ask her whose fault it was. “I really don’t mean to be disrespectful because I really like Mrs. Duncan,” Ally answers me, “But it was her fault that I wet my pants.” Mrs. Duncan, the Assistant Bad Director, is here and she shakes her head at hearing that from Ally. “I’m not saying that Mrs. Duncan actually made me wet my pants or even that she wanted me to wet my pants,” the pretty junior clarifies, nervously chewing on her hair, “But it is her fault that it happened – She didn’t let me go to the girls’ room when I really needed to pee.” The always friendly and smiling Assistant Band Director gives Ally a disapproving look and just shakes her head “no”.

“You told me that I had to write that punishment assignment,” Ally says to Mrs. Duncan. “You gave me pen and paper and sent me to my cabin to write those 500 lines,” she says, “And you never said that I could take a bathroom break.” “I never said that you COULDN’T have a bathroom break,” Mrs. Duncan chimes in, “I never said that you had to sit there and write until you went in your pants.” “I can’t believe that you just didn’t get and go to the girls’ room when you needed to,” she says to the shy but smart junior, “Even a 5th grader is smart enough to do that.” “ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 5th GRADER?” she asks Ally rhetorically.

Starting from the beginning, I ask Ally what she was being punished for and specifically what was it that Mrs. Duncan made her write 500 times. But at first, the usually well-spoken young lady seems reluctant to tell me. Finally she does. “Um – Mrs. Duncan caught me um-pleasuring myself,” she reluctantly admits, now chewing even more nervously on her pretty brown hair, “That’s why she gave me the 500 times writing assignment.” Surprised, I then address the usually not so strict Assistant Band Director, “There’s nothing wrong with masturbating – That’s certainly nothing to punish a girl for,” I tell her. “There is when you do it outside behind the bushes at the edge of the campsite,” Mrs. Duncan tells us. “I agree that there is nothing wrong with masturbation per say,” she explains, “But Ally wasn’t doing it in the privacy of her cabin like she should.” “And this wasn’t the first time she was caught doing it behind the bushes – it was the second,” she adds. Embarrassed, Ally tells us that she didn’t want to do it in her cabin because there were always other girls around. “There’s less privacy in the cabin than behind the bushes,” she argues. But Mrs. Duncan tells her that if she’d just do it at night in the dark under the covers, that no one would pay any attention to her. “That’s probably how everyone else does it,” she points out, “I know that’s how I used to do it when I was a girl at camp.” “And if the bushes were as private as you think, you wouldn’t have been caught doing it there,” I point out, “And apparently you were caught there twice before you got punished.”

“At least she was smart enough not to do it in the girls’ room,” Mrs. Duncan adds. “I would never do that,” Ally states emphatically, “I know you can get a toilet violation for masturbating in the girls’ room.” “I definitely didn’t want to risk getting a toilet violation – especially for that,” she continues, “I know that you can get put on toilet suspension for masturbating in the girls’ room.” “I don’t know what I’d do if I ever got put on toilet suspension,” she says, “That’s got to be the worst thing ever if you have go all day without being able to use the toilet.” Actually, you generally only get put on toilet suspension for a second offense, but Ally has the right idea. The girls’ room is certainly not the right place to being that.

More importantly, though, I direct the two of them back to Ally’s panty-wetting accident. “So Mrs. Duncan caught me doing that in the bushes and sent me back to my cabin to write the 500 times punishment,” Ally says, “And it was while I was writing the 500 times that I wet my pants.” Looking at her puzzled, I ask her again why it was Mrs. Duncan’s fault that she wet her pants. “500 times is a lot of writing to do and I just couldn’t hold it in that long,” the pretty junior brunette explains. The implication, of course, is that Ally was expected to finish the entire assignment without taking a bathroom break. But that’s an implication that the Assistant Band Director fervently denies. “I never said that you couldn’t go to the bathroom until you were finished,” she tells Ally, “I would never expect you to finish all 500 times without going to the bathroom.” “You know that I’m always giving out girls’ room passes when girls need them,” Mrs. Duncan explains, obviously quite puzzled as to how Ally could think otherwise, “When have I EVER told you that you couldn’t go to the girls’ room when you needed to? – When have I EVER told anyone that they couldn’t go to the girls’ room?” “And then when I came to check on you and I found your puddle on the floor?” she asks Ally, “Didn’t I let you go to the girls’ room immediately when I saw what happened? “Yes Ma’am – You did tell me to go,” Ally acknowledges, “And it was a good thing that you did because I also had to go #2 pretty bad.” “You saved me from doing a mess in my pants, too,” she tells the teacher. “I still can’t believe you just didn’t get up and go the girls’ room when you needed to,” she tells the student, “And then get right back to your writing.”

This does look like a big misunderstanding, but it seems abundantly clear that at no time did Mrs. Duncan tell Ally that she couldn’t go to the girls’ room. Ally really cannot point to anything that Mrs. Duncan said to indicate she couldn’t take a bathroom break when she needed one. I feel sorry for what happened to the poor girl, but wetting her pants was entirely Ally’s own fault. Accordingly, she is found “Guilty” of wetting her pants. Fortunately, it’s only a first offense and it only gets her a warning, but still it’s a “panty-wetting” offense on her toilet record. And if she does have another accident, this school year, it’ll be an actual punishment instead of a warning.

Moving on to another panty-soiling case, this time the accused is Alissa, a pretty and friendly junior blonde. She is known as a quiet and shy girl but lately seems to be coming out of her shell a bit. While she’s certainly not a frequent panty-soiling offender, she’s no stranger to the TVPC, either. She had 2 panty-soiling offenses last year and also offenses for forgetting to flush the toilet after a bowel movement and twice for flushing sanitary napkins down the toilet. She also wet her pants while marching in the Wet Set Thanksgiving Day Parade last year – Obviously, the dreaded “accident while representing the school” offense. That’s certainly not a toilet record to be proud of, but as we saw with Connie, some girls have done a lot worse. Unfortunately for Alissa, though, soiling in her panties isn’t the only charge she’s facing today. The poor girl is also charged with messing on the toilet seat and using too much toilet paper – The latter 2 offenses, of course, occurring after she messed in her panties.

Once again, it is Mrs. Duncan, the Assistant Band Director, who has filed these charges. I’m not quite sure how the accident happened in the first place,” she tells us, “I only got involved with this after the fact.” She explains that she was using the toilet herself, when she heard something unusual in the stall next to hers. “I was sitting there in the girls’ room having a bowel movement of my own,” the pretty and outgoing Assistant Band Director explains further, “And in the next stall I heard some girl constantly pulling toilet paper off the roll.” “Instantly I knew something was wrong,” she tells us, “Nobody needs that much toilet paper if she’s only having a regular bowel movement.” She next tells us that when she was done with her own business, she went to check on the girl in that next stall.

“I found Alissa sitting on the toilet with her messed panties down at her knees,” Mrs. Duncan reports, “And she was using all that toilet paper to get herself cleaned up.” “The mess in her panties wasn’t all that bad – I’ve seen worse,” she continues, “But judging by all the wiping she was doing, a lot of the mess must have been smeared on her behind.” “It really wasn’t that bad a mess,” Alissa chimes in, “It’s just that it’s really hard to clean yourself up from messing in your panties, when all you have to wipe with is toilet paper.” “She used a whole roll of toilet paper in the process,” Mrs. Duncan reports further, “That’s what the charge of “Using Too Much Toilet Paper” is about.” “And she messed on the toilet seat as well,” she reports further, “When she stood up, I saw that she left bad smears of fecal matter on both sides of the toilet seat.”

“But that was only from when I sat down on the toilet seat,” Alissa argues. “I didn’t mess on the seat on purpose,” she explains, “It’s just that my behind was already messy when I sat down and I guess some of the mess got on the toilet seat when I did.” “That was just an accident, too,” she pleads, “I didn’t mess on the toilet seat on purpose.” “No one is saying that you did it on purpose,” I assure her, “I think we all understand that it only happened from sitting on the toilet seat with a messy behind.” “But you still did mess on the toilet seat,” I explain, “You’re not allowed to do that, even by accident.” “It’s definitely not as serious as messing on the toilet seat on purpose – That would be a toilet suspension,” I explain further, “But when you use the toilet you still have to be responsible for doing it all in the toilet and not getting any of it on the toilet seat.” “And I didn’t mean to use so much toilet paper, either,” Alissa pleads, apparently moving on to the next charge, “But my behind was really messy and it took a lot of toilet paper to clean myself up.” “I would have given anything for a washcloth or something to make the clean-up easier,” she points out, “But all I had at the time was the toilet paper.” “I’m sorry that I used the whole roll, but I really did need all of it to clean myself,” she pleads some more, fighting back the tears, “I swear that I didn’t use anymore of it than I really needed.”

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

After careful consideration of the girls’ story, I must find her “Not Guilty” on the “Using Too Much Toilet Paper” charge. “An entire roll of toilet paper is an awful lot of toilet paper,” I explain, “But panty-soilings can certainly be quite messy and take a lot of toilet paper to clean up after.” “I can’t say that a whole roll was too much to use if her behind was really that messy,” I conclude. “I think you’re pretty lucky that you didn’t clog the toilet with all that paper,” I tell the junior beauty. “I was being really careful about that, sir,” the Alissa explains, “I made sure I didn’t try to flush too much paper at once.” “That took a lot of toilet flushes before I was done,” she tells us. Mrs. Duncan nods her head in agreement with that.

“I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt on the toilet paper charge,” I next explain to the pretty blonde, “But messing on the toilet seat is another matter.” “I’m afraid that I’m going to have to find you “Guilty” on that charge,” I tell her, “I’ll note, of course, that you didn’t do it on purpose, but in spite of the circumstances there’s no excuse for getting your mess on the toilet seat.” She lets out an audible groan at hearing that.

Moving on to her punishment, the first order of business is Alissa’s soiling accident. It’s her first offense of the new school year and that would ordinarily warrant only a warning. But since she soiled not only her panties, but the toilet seat as well, she’s not entitled to get off with just a warning on that. She has to be punished for both things. But still, since it is only her first offense of the school year, her punishment is only an hour of detention and writing, “I will not soil my panties in school or at band camp again” 100 times.

The soiling of the toilet seat, however (even by accident), is a more serious matter. On that, she’ll have to write “I will not soil the toilet seat in the girls’ room at school or at band camp again” 250 times. “It’s also going to be 3 hours of detention,” I tell her, “And I’m afraid that’s going to be 3 hours detention cleaning bathrooms.” With that she just about bursts into tears and begs me to reconsider. “Please sir – Please not toilet cleaning detention,” she pleads, “Regular detention isn’t so bad, but please don’t make me clean the bathrooms.” “You’ve hard toilet cleaning detention before,” I remind her. “Yes sir – I had it before,” she acknowledges, “And I hated it!” “It was disgusting!!” she pleads, “I had to do it for flushing a tampon down the toilet and I wanted to throw up it was so disgusting.” She recounts: having to clean “pee” off the toilet seats in the girls’ room (“girls can be so disgusting” she tells us); having to unplug toilets clogged with bowel movements in the faculty women’s room (“that was even more disgusting” she says); and having to scrub the floor under the urinals in the boys’ room (“why do they even have urinals when the boys just pee on the floor instead” she argues). “Please sir – Please not toilet cleaning detention again,” she pleads, “I didn’t mean to mess on the toilet seat – It was just an accident.” But I remain firm in her sentence – She messed on the toilet seat, so now she has to clean bathrooms.

Still, the poor girl begs me to reconsider. “I just waited a little too long in getting up to go to the girls’ room,” she tells us. “But even after I messed in my panties a little, I still had to go a lot,” she explains, “And I really had to pee, too.” “I didn’t want to have a worse accident,” she explains further, “And I didn’t want to pee in my pants, as well.” “I just ran for the girls’ room and sat down on the toilet as fast as I could,” Alissa continues, “I didn’t mean to get my mess on the toilet seat – It just happened.” “What was I supposed to do?” she asks.

“Well, I suggest next time you lift up the toilet seat and just squat over the toilet instead of sitting down,” I tell her, “Or better yet, just get up and go to the girls’ room when you need to, so you won’t have an accident in your pants in the first place.” “THE PUNISHMENT STANDS!” I decree as I bang my gavel, “NEXT CASE!”

Moving on to our next case from band camp, we next deal with Claudia, a star violinist. The petite but pretty junior has certainly had her share of toilet problems in her high school career. In fact, she’ll start the school year in September on toilet suspension – a continuation of a toilet suspension from last year for having a bowel movement in the toilet in the nurse’s office. Claudia is quite shy about doing her bowel movements in school and when she’s not doing them in her pants, she sometimes tries to sneak into the more private bathroom in the nurse’s office. She was caught at that twice last year and hence the toilet suspension on the second offense. Since band camp takes place off school grounds, the toilet suspension doesn’t apply – A toilet suspension means that you can’t use any school bathroom for any reason – So Claudia gets a reprieve until school starts in September. But band camp is certainly a school function, so Claudia’s toilet behavior at the camp certainly comes under TVPC jurisdiction.

Expecting to see her charged with a panty-soiling offense (maybe more than 1 at a week-long band camp), I’m more than a little surprised to see her charged with clogging the toilet instead. Specifically, she is charged with clogging the toilet with a very big bowel movement. Claudia is not a bad girl at all,” reports the ever helpful Mrs. Duncan, “She just needs some encouragement and a little help in the bathroom sometimes.” “It sounds like what she needed was a plunger,” I suggest to Mrs. Duncan, “Or maybe a stick or something to break up that bowel movement before it could be flushed down.” “We did have to get a stick to break it up, but we did eventually manage to flush it all down,” Mrs. Duncan reports, nodding her head, “But what’s more amazing is that Claudia managed to get that thing out of her.” Actually, I’m kind of amazed at that, too. Claudia is not a very big girl at all and it’s hard to imagine her producing a bowel movement capable of clogging the toilet all by itself. Still, I think I’m even more amazed by the fact that Claudia was doing a bowel movement in the toilet at band camp at all. Rather, I’d expect her to try to hold it in all week and probably wind up going in her pants instead.

“Well, I’m certainly glad to hear of your having a bowel movement in the toilet at band camp,” I tell the kind-hearted, but toilet-troubled young lady, “I’m certainly glad to see you got through the whole week without having any accidents.” “It must have felt good to do that big bowel movement in the toilet,” I suggest to Claudia, “I bet you’re happy you didn’t do all of that in your panties.” “Yes sir – It did feel good,” Claudia acknowledges, beaming her million-dollar smile, “I really don’t like going in my panties, but it just happens to me sometimes.” “It doesn’t just happen to you, Claudia,” I remind her, “It happens when you don’t go use the toilet when you need to.” “Instead of trying to hold it in or sneaking into a bathroom you shouldn’t be using, you need to be going to the girls’ room and doing your bowel movements there,” I explain further, “And then you wouldn’t be having to deal with soiled panties, getting punished for doing it, and getting put on toilet suspension.” Claudia nods her head in acknowledgement.

“Claudia’s trying,” Mrs. Duncan chimes in, “She’s really going to try and do better with her toilet habits this year.” “Claudia is not a bad girl at all,” she repeats, “She just needs a little help in the bathroom sometimes.” Once again, I see Claudia nodding her head in acknowledgement. “And you were helping her?” I ask our ever friendly Assistant Band Director. Mrs. Duncan goes on to explain that she noticed that Claudia was holding in her bowel movements at the band camp and at one point was getting really desperate to use the toilet. “It was at breakfast on the third day that we were there,” she tells us, “Claudia wouldn’t eat anything and she was holding her stomach like she was in pain.” “She was pretending not to know what her problem was,” Mrs. Duncan continues, “But we both knew better than that.” “Eventually, she admitted that she hadn’t had a bowel movement since we’d been there,” she says. “Claudia really didn’t want to go to the girls’ room there – She kept insisting that she was just going to keep holding it in,” she explains further, “But obviously that wasn’t any good for her and the longer she went without a bowel movement the worse her problem was going to get.”

Mrs. Duncan then explains that she kept urging Claudia to go to the girls’ room and take care of her problem in there. “I knew that if she didn’t go to the girls’ room soon, she was eventually going to have an accident,” she says, “And even worse than that, Claudia was making herself sick by keeping it all inside her.” Eventually, I just had to make her go the girls’ room with me,” the Assistant Band Director reports, “But even then, sitting there on the toilet, she still didn’t want to do it in the toilet.” “The poor girl was just sitting there crying in pain from holding in a 3-day load, but still she was fighting to hold it in longer,” Mrs. Duncan tells us, “Until finally I convinced her that going in the toilet was what she needed to do.” “Finally, she was able to relax a little and just do it,” she continues, “Finally, Claudia was able to do her bowel movement in the toilet there.” “But after 3 days of holding it in, it was really a big load,” she goes on, “I could see that Claudia was pushing to try to get it out of her, but it wasn’t coming out easy.” “It was hurting her so much that she was crying as she was trying to get it out,” Mrs. Duncan tells us, “And I was holding her hand and telling her to keep pushing because she had to get this thing out of her.”

All the while that Mrs. Duncan is telling this story, I see Claudia nodding her head acknowledging it. “It was hard to believe what was in the toilet after Claudia was done,” Mrs. Duncan points out, “I don’t think either of us have ever seen a bowel movement that big in our entire lives.” “That’s what happens when you hold it in when you really have to go,” she tells Claudia, “It just builds up in your system like that, and then you have a real problem.” “I think Claudia really learned something at band camp that week and it has nothing to do with playing the violin,” the Assistant Band Director adds. “You must have felt a lot better after you got that out of you?” I ask the likeable young violinist, “And I’m sure you’re quite proud of doing that in the toilet instead of your pants?” “Yes sir,” Claudia acknowledges, flashing her million dollar smile again.

“And she went in the toilet for the rest of band camp, too,” Mrs. Duncan points out, “She had no accidents the whole week and no more toilet problems at all after this one.” “Is that true, Claudia? I ask her, “Were you having your bowel movements in the toilet at band camp?” “Yes sir,” she says, still smiling. Of course, I commend her for that. “I really didn’t like doing it in the toilet there,” she says, “But I knew it was what I had to do, so I did it.” “Very good!” I tell her. “Sometimes I think it’s better just to have an accident sometimes,” Claudia suddenly adds, “It’s disgusting, but at least it comes out and it doesn’t make your stomach hurt later.” “But you don’t have to go in your pants to avoid that,” Mrs. Duncan quickly points out to her, “You just need to go in the toilet when you have to and then your stomach doesn’t hurt and you don’t get punished for having an accident, either.” Claudia nods her head, seemingly in agreement with that, but whether she’ll turn over a new leaf with her toilet habits only time will tell. As I’ve noted, she’ll have to start the year on toilet suspension, but we’ll see after that if she’s going to be doing her bowel movements in the school toilets instead of her pants.

Moving on to her punishment, Mrs. Duncan argues for no punishment at all. “Claudia needs to be punished for clogging the toilet,” I tell the ever helpful teacher, “But given that I rather she goes in the toilet than in her pants, the punishment will not be severe.” “After Claudia’s bowel movement got stuck in the bowl, I went out and got a stick that we used to break it up and flush it down,” Mrs. Duncan further explains, “Then Claudia wiped herself thoroughly and we were done.” I give the cute and petite junior the choice of serving 2 days detention or writing “I will not clog the toilet in the girls’ room again” 250 times. She takes the writing punishment. And I note that she thanks for Mrs. Duncan for all her help.

It seems that the camp experience just wouldn’t be complete without at least one case of bedwetting. Fortunately, we only seem to have one incident of it this year, but that appears to be of little consolation to Victoria, a tall and very pretty senior brunette, as she stands before the TVPC to face that charge. Actually, the charge of “Bedwetting” is no more serious than that of a girl wetting her pants. I try to explain that to Tori (that’s what everyone calls her), but she’s still quite upset about it.

“I can’t believe I wet the bed,” Tori says, barely holding back the tears. “I can’t believe I wet the bed at my age,” the senior says, “It’s just so gross and icky.” “I really thought I was done with this,” she adds. She goes on to explain that she did have a bedwetting problem when she was younger. “I used to still wet the bed sometimes when I was in junior high,” she says, “I didn’t do it a lot but it used to happen sometimes – Especially in the summer when I was really tired and I had drunk a lot of fluids during the day.” “I guess the fluids I drank would make me have to go more and I was so tired that I wouldn’t wake up when I had to go.” But she also tells me that she hadn’t wet the bed for a while now. “I thought I was VICTORIOUS over that problem,” she explains. “For a while it would happen like 3 or 4 times a year,” she tells us, “But I haven’t even done it all for like a year now.” “I just can’t believe I wet the bed again,” she says, crying now, “It’s just so disgusting to be wetting the bed at my age.”

“It’s not your fault – It just happens to some people sometimes,” chimes in Cat, a fellow senior, and one of her cabin-mates at camp, “Don’t worry about – You’re not disgusting at all.” “It’s just an accident – You didn’t do anything wrong,” she tells her friend. Normally, I would admonish a girl for calling out like that, but in this case I let it go. “Your friend is right,” I tell Tori. “There’s no reason to be so upset about this,” I explain, “Bedwetting does happen to people sometimes and you shouldn’t feel so bad about it.”

“And even if we find you “Guilty” of doing it, it’ll still only be your first offense,” I point out, “And you’ll only get a warning and no actual punishment.” “Obviously, I’m guilty, sir,” she tells me, too ashamed to even look me in the eye, “I wet the bed and I wet it really bad.” “I was really tired after all the marching we did that day,” she explains, “And I drank a lot of water and a bunch of soda since it was so hot out.” “I’m sure that’s what happened again this time,” she says, “I’m sure that I just didn’t wake up when I had to go.”

But before accepting her “Guilty” plea, I have some business to take care of. “Not so fast,” I tell her, “Just because you did wet the bed, doesn’t mean you’re guilty of a wetting violation.” “The TVPC realizes that bed-wetting is a problem that some girls have – even at your age,” I explain, “And we don’t punish girls for it when it’s not their fault when they do it.” I then proceed to apply the 3 part test that the TVPC uses for cases off bedwetting. “Was the bedwetting the result of drinking alcoholic beverages?” I ask Victoria. “No,” she answers. “Did you go to the bathroom and urinate immediately before going to bed?” I ask her. “Yes I did,” she answers me. “Did you admit what you did and not try to hide your bedwetting in any way?” I then ask her. “Yes sir – I mean, I didn’t try to hide it,” she says. “I first went to the bathroom to clean myself up a little and I urinated some in the toilet,” she explains, “And then I went and reported to Mr. Hornman (the Band Director) what had happened.” Cat confirms that what Tori is telling me is true. “Tori didn’t do anything wrong,” Cat tells me emphatically.

Accordingly, I find her “Not Guilty” of the bedwetting offense. “We will have to make a note in your school toilet record that you did indeed wet the bed,” I clarify, “But you are found ‘Not Guilty’ of any toilet violation for doing it.” Cat applauds at hearing that and I have to bang my gavel to quiet her down. The accused herself is less enthusiastic but appears to be at least a little less ashamed than she was before.

But before closing this case, I have to explain one more thing. “The bedwetting is noted in your school toilet record,” I remind the tall, very pretty senior brunette, “And, as I said, you’re not guilty of any toilet offense.” “But it does mean that you now go on ‘bedwetting probation,’” I explain, “This applies on all overnight school trips for 1 year.” Of course, she asks me what that means. I then explain to her that while on “Bedwetting Probation” she has to be careful about wetting the bed again. She can wear some sort of bedwetting protection and then be excused if she wets in her sleep again. “I have to wear adult diapers now?” she asks unhappily. “You don’t HAVE TO wear anything,” I clarify. “But if you don’t wear anything and you do wet the bed, this time you get punished,” I explain, “You’ll get punished for a panty-wetting violation.” “If you’re sure that you’re not going to wet the bed again, then you can go without it,” I point out, “But you are risking a punishment for the bedwetting if you do.”

Tori looks at me confused as to what to do. “You don’t have to decide that now,” I tell her. “You don’t have to decide what to do until the next school trip,” I point out, “You don’t even have to decide until bedtime each night.”

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Still on the subject of bedwetting, we next have a visit from a senior named Jade. She is not charged with wetting her bed, but something much worse – at least as far as the TVPC is concerned. “You are charged with ‘Bathroom-Related Teasing,’” I tell her, “Specifically, that you were teasing Victoria about her bedwetting. “I wouldn’t exactly say I was teasing her,” Jade answers the charge with a smug look on her face. “Well then, what exactly would you call it?” I ask her. “I guess I did make a comment or two,” she acknowledges, “But I hardly think it’s something I should get a toilet violation for.”

“You stood up at lunch and announced to everyone that Tori had wet her bed,” Mr. Hornman, the Band Director, reminds her, “That’s not only ‘Bathroom-Related Teasing’ but a pretty blatant case of it, at that.” “Indeed it is, Mr. Hornman,” I clarify, “That is about as blatant as teasing can get.” “That is outrageous, young lady!” I tell Jade, “How would you like it if someone got up and announced to everyone that you had wet the bed?”

“Well, I don’t wet the bed,” Jade states emphatically, “I haven’t wet the bed since I was like 5.” “O.K. – Maybe I shouldn’t have announced it to everyone like that, but what kind of girl our age still wets the bed,” the pretty young lady says, smugness evident, “Don’t most girls get over that by the time they start school.” “I mean, we’re in high school, for Pete’s sake,” she rambles on, “How can a girl in high school still be wetting the bed.” To say that I’m outraged by Jade’s attitude is an understatement. “For your information, more than a few girls still have issues with bedwetting – Even when they’re in high school,” I tell her angrily, “And Victoria’s bathroom habits are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS anyway!” “Around here we don’t tease girls about their bathroom functions and that includes when they have accidents,” I lecture her, “And that’s especially true when it’s something the girl can’t control – LIKE BEDWETTING!” “What do you think – Victoria wet the bed on purpose?” I ask her angrily. “It’s not like I think she did it on purpose,” Jade answers, flinging back her light brown hair, “I just think that she should have done something to avoid it.” But when I ask her specifically what Victoria could have done to avoid it, Jade has no real answer. “I mean, what kind of girl in high school still wets the bed,” she repeats, “I mean, after you’re like 5 years old, you just make sure that it doesn’t happen anymore.” “It’s just wrong to wet your bed like a baby,” she says.

“It’s not her fault – She couldn’t help it,” Cat shouts at Jade, “You just don’t understand.” “She wouldn’t have done it if she could help it,” she adds in defense of her friend and cabin-mate. I bang my gavel and warn her to be quiet. “Supporting your friend is one thing,” I warn her, “But we don’t yell out like that at TVPC meetings.” “I’ll deal with Jade myself, O.K.?” I ask her. “Yes sir,” she answers.

Turning my attention back to Jade, it’s hard to contain my anger. “If I were you, I’d make a big adjustment to my attitude,” I warn the senior beauty, “You’d better start to comprehend how serious I think this is and how much trouble you’re in right now.” “I have to say that you’re a serious candidate for spending some time on toilet suspension,” I tell her sternly. “Toilet suspension?” she asks, the smug expression suddenly gone from her face – Replaced by a look of near panic. “Yes, toilet suspension,” I tell her. “I’m thinking maybe 2 weeks on toilet suspension once school starts,” I threaten her, “2 long weeks where you can’t use any school bathroom for any reason.” “Then maybe we can have you report to the TVPC after school each day,” I continue, “And then we can announce to everyone which particular bodily functions you did in your pants that day.” “Let’s see how remorseful you are about what you did to Victoria after you’ve gone through a toilet suspension,” I suggest, “I have a feeling you’d be a lot more remorseful than you are now.”

Immediately, the expression on her face that went from smugness to near panic now goes to something between full-blown panic and full-blown horror. Understandably, she begs me not to place her on toilet suspension. Suddenly, she is telling me how sorry she is for what she did. “You don’t have to put me on toilet suspension for me to be remorseful,” she says, “I’m remorseful for what I did right now.” “You don’t have to put me on toilet suspension to teach me a lesson,” she says, “I’ve already learned my lesson – I’ll never do anything like that again.” “I’m sorry, Tori,” she says turning to her victim, “I’m really sorry for what I did.” “I swear that I’ll never do anything like that again,” she repeats, “I’ll never ever tease anyone about their bathroom business again.”

I must say that I’m impressed with her new attitude even though I know it’s only the threat of a toilet suspension that brought about the change. Giving girls an attitude adjustment is one of the things that a toilet suspension is for. Part of me still thinks that she deserves to go on toilet suspension for this, but the toilet suspension is a very serious punishment that should be levied only for very serious offenses. “If you ever tease anyone about their bathroom business again, I WILL put you on toilet suspension,” I warn her sternly, “And you can take that as a guarantee!” “But as for now, I’m going to give you a break,” I tell her, “I really do want to believe that your sudden attitude adjustment is real.” The look of relief on her face at hearing that is evident.

“You’ll write Victoria a 2,500 word letter of apology,” I tell her, “And you’ll also write “I am very sorry for teasing another girl about her bedwetting and promise never to do it again” 500 times.” She starts to open her mouth to question the severity of her punishment but then thinks better of it. “Yes sir,” is all she says instead. I further sentence her to a week of detention, but I also give her a special sentence of detention as well. “For the entire school year, you’ll attend every TVPC meeting in which we have a bedwetting case,” I tell her and note for the record, “And at the end of the bedwetting case, you’ll stand up and mention how you teased a girl for bedwetting and you’ll apologize for it again.” “Every time? – For the whole school year?” she asks. Actually, that’s not quite as bad as it sounds because we don’t get too many cases of bedwetting, but I’m certainly not going to point that out to her. “Yes – Every time we have a bedwetting case for the entire school year,” I explain again. Jade stares at me for a moment, not quite sure what to say next or perhaps if she should say anything at all. “If you don’t like that, I can always exchange that for 2 weeks on toilet suspension instead,” I offer. “I’ll do the TVPC detentions with the apologies,” she answers quickly. “I thought so,” I tell her. “What you did was outrageous,” I remind Jade, “You can consider yourself lucky you still have your toilet privileges.”

Our final case from last week’s band camp is that of Zoey, a blonde bombshell of a junior. She is charged with urinating in the grass at marching practice one afternoon. “As the Violation Report states, we had marching practice that afternoon at that big field away from the main campsite,” Mr. Hornman, the Band Director, says, “It was a long practice that afternoon and it was tough because it was pretty hot outside.” “Since it was so hot, I gave them a few breaks during the practice,” he says, “That’s so they could keep hydrated and use the bathroom if they needed to.” “There was this outhouse-type bathroom at the edge of the field,” he points out. “It was at the second break that afternoon, when quite a few girls got in line for the bathroom,” Mr. Hornman points out, “But I saw Zoey walk around to the back of the outhouse building.” “I wondered what she was doing at first,” he says, “But when I saw her come back about 2 minutes later and she was adjusting her shorts, it was pretty obvious what she had done.” “I want to assume that she only urinated back there,” he says, “But who really knows if she did the other thing, too.” “I don’t know how you did it at your old school,” Mr. Hornman adds, “But around here, we go to the bathroom inside.” Zoey is a new student here this year – having transferred from Pacific Coast Academy.

“Of course I only urinated back there,” Zoey asserts, a tad annoyed at the suggestion that she would do otherwise. “I did urinate back there, so I guess I have to plead ‘Guilty’ to that,” she acknowledges, “But I certainly wasn’t about to go the other way outside, too.” Though not disrespectful, her tone is a bit indignant at the suggestion that she would do a bowel movement outside. “Peeing outside – I mean, urinating outside – is one thing,” she says, “But I would never do the other thing like you said.”

“Well, you already admitted to urinating outside,” Mr. Hornman says, matter-of-factly, “I don’t know why you think it’s such a stretch to think you might have defecated outside, too.” “It’s just not the same thing,” the very beautiful Zoey asserts. “It’s just not a big deal to pop-a-squat and pee,” she explains, “But it really is a big deal to pop-a-squat for a bowel movement.” “You only do that in the bathroom unless you have no other choice,” she argues, “I mean, it’s better to go outside than to go in your pants, but otherwise a girl would always wait for a toilet to do #2.” “What do you think we’d do about toilet paper?” she asks, “Did you see me take anything with me to wipe with behind the outside?”

“Well, no – I didn’t see you with any toilet paper or anything,” Mr. Hornman answers. “But wouldn’t toilet paper be an issue with you urinating as well?” he asks, “I mean, don’t girls wipe themselves when they urinate, as well?” “We do dry ourselves when we pee,” Zoey explains, “But it’s just not the same thing as wiping ourselves after we poop.” “It’s no big deal to just drip dry when we pee – I mean, when we urinate,” she explains further, “But I really don’t think any girl would go without wiping when they do a #2.”

At this point, I bang my gavel to end the discussion. “I think we’re really getting away from the topic at hand,” I tell them both, “And that is Zoey’s toilet violation for going to the bathroom outside.” “I take it that you admit to urinating outside behind the outhouse building?” I ask the gorgeous blonde, “And I take it you deny doing anything other than just urinating?” Yes sir,” she answers, “I did urinate, but that was all I did.” She goes on to explain that this was indeed a hot day and that she had a lot to drink at lunch before the marching practice that afternoon. She tells us that pretty soon she had to “pee” – “I mean urinate,” she quickly corrects herself. “By the time of the second break, I had to go pretty bad,” she says, “But I didn’t want to go in the outhouse because it smelled like sh…. – I mean, it smelled like what you’d expect an outhouse to smell like.” “And there was already a line for the outhouse,” she explains further, “So I just ducked behind the building and got relief there.” “I guess I really shouldn’t have done that,” she admits, “But at the time it really didn’t seem like a big deal.” “I just popped-a-squat and, as I said, I just drip-dried,” she tells us, “I’m sorry.” “I guess it was the wrong thing to do,” she offers.

“Intentionally urinating in the wrong place was indeed the wrong thing to do,” I tell her. “It’s one thing to urinate outside when you have no other choice,” I remind her, “It’s another thing entirely to do when there are more appropriate bathroom facilities available.” “Urinating in an Inappropriate Place” (as Zoey’s violation is officially called) can, in fact, be a serious offense. I can actually place a girl on toilet suspension for doing it. But a toilet suspension would generally only be for cases where a girl urinates on a classroom floor, the school hallway, or maybe a garbage can or perhaps where a lot of people could see her. Obviously a toilet suspension certainly wouldn’t be appropriate for urinating on the grass from a semi-secluded location behind an outhouse.

But still, I warn Zoey of the serious consequences she could have faced and the consequences she will face if she decides to urinate in an inappropriate place again. “I’ll certainly go in the toilet from now on,” she tells me. I believe her but still, she won’t be getting off easy. She’ll have to write “I must learn to urinate in the toilet in school and at band camp” 250 times. And since she couldn’t be bothered to sit down on the toilet in the outhouse, she’ll have to spend a week of study halls and 2 days of detention sitting on the toilet in school. That will, of course, commence when school starts in September. “I really didn’t think it was that big a deal,” she repeats. But given her punishment (and the punishment she could have gotten), I’m certain she now thinks otherwise. It’s certainly a hefty price to pay for a popping-a-squat when she could’ve easily just gone in the outhouse instead.

So concludes this SPECIAL SESSION of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee. Meeting adjourned at 10:02 AM.

[spandexman]

Lucky Mrs. Duncan

Mrs. Duncan, like Mrs. Johns, seems to take a great deal of pleasure at examining girls accidents and toilet deposits. I have a feeling, and I am always right about these, is that she too is a panty pooper. Keep an eye on her as well as Miss musso, Miss Mars, Mrs. Johns and now Mrs. Duncan. perhaps weekly panty checks need to be done with the female school employees?

Thank you for your hard work and informative reports.