Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

[Arnold Ziffel]

Welcome to a session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.

My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of January 15, 2013.

As I look over the crowd assembled for this afternoon’s session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC), I see that we have quite a full house. As I gavel this session to order, I have to hit the gavel several times to quiet the crowd of girls here today to serve their TVPC detentions. “There is to be no talking in detention,” I warn them as I bang my gavel, “Silence is the rule.” “You’re not supposed to enjoy yourselves – You’re here to be punished,” I tell them, “This isn’t social hour or the DISNEY CHANNEL – Its detention!”

The first case this afternoon is that of Victoria, a very pretty senior with shoulder length brown hair. She’s also a friendly, easy-going sort whose behavior usually sets a good example for the other girls. That’s why I have to do a double-take when I see that Victoria is charged with Urinating Outside – Specifically, urinating on the pavement behind a garbage dumpster in back of the school. I’m quite frankly speechless as I listen to Victoria (or Tori as she’s often called) plead “Guilty” as charged.

“I was monitoring the morning bus traffic,” reports Mrs. Duncan, Tori’s accuser, “And I was watching as Victoria stepped off the school bus with everyone else.” “She was particularly noticeable because she was walking with her legs tightly crossed and she had her hand in her crotch,” Mrs. Duncan explains, “It definitely looked like she had to go to the bathroom really bad.” “Immediately, I figured I’d better watch her to make sure she didn’t have an accident on her way to the girls’ room,” she adds.

“But Victoria never made it to the girls’ room,” Mrs. Duncan continues, “Suddenly I saw her just take off toward the garbage dumpsters back there.” “And then I see her quickly duck behind one of those dumpsters,” she goes on, “And as I moved closer to where she was, I could hear the sound of her pee hitting the pavement.” “She was peeing so hard I could actually hear the sound of it hitting the pavement,” she emphasizes, “I guess that’s how bad she had to go.”

“Yes sir – That’s how bad I had to go,” Tori explains, “You know I never would have done that if I didn’t really have an emergency.” “I don’t think I’ve ever had to urinate so badly in my entire life,” she says, “And that includes that time in Geometry class 2 years ago when I actually did wet my pants.” She tells us that she was slow getting herself together this morning and drank a big mug of coffee to try to get herself going. She also says that she always uses the bathroom right before she leaves for school in the morning, but today she was in such a hurry to catch the bus, that she didn’t. “That was really a mistake,” the pretty brunette acknowledges, “I thought for sure I was going to wet my pants on the way to school this morning.” “And I would have wet my pants if I didn’t do it behind the dumpster like I did.” “Most of the time we’re VICTORIOUS over our bladders,” I tell her with a smile, “Other times our bladders are VICTORIOUS over us.” But I also point out to the well-spoken senior beauty, that from the back of the school where she got off the bus this morning, she wasn’t very far at all from several girls’ rooms. “The Basement girls’ room is right there by the back entrance,” I point out, “I know a lot of girls don’t like to use that particular girls’ room, but it’s got to be better than just squatting outside behind a garbage dumpster.” “And even if you didn’t want to use that one, the girls’ room by the cafeteria and the one by the gym weren’t too far from that,” I also point, “I have to say, Victoria, that I really would have expected better from you than going to the relieving yourself outside.

But Tori looks at me kind of like she’s disappointed in me being disappointed in her. “Please sir,” she says, “You wouldn’t believe how much of an emergency I really had.” She goes on to explain that with everybody getting off their buses at pretty much the same time, it takes a while for everyone to move through that one entrance in the back of the school. And even then with a lot of girls making a pit stop in the girls’ room first thing, you can’t always get into a stall right away.” “I swear, sir, I swear I couldn’t wait any longer,” she says, “I had to find a place to urinate and I just couldn’t wait another second.” “I’m sorry for doing it, but behind that garbage dumpster was the only place I could go,” Tori continues, “It was the only thing I could do to avoid wetting my pants.” I note that she seems to be sincere and that Mrs. Duncan seems to be agreeing with her.

“I’m certainly not saying that I condone her squatting back there like she did,” Mrs. Duncan offers, “But I can guarantee you that she truly had an emergency.” “As I said before, you could actually hear her stream hitting the pavement – That’s how forcefully it was coming out,” she says, “And you really should have seen the size of the puddle she left on the pavement.” Tori adds that when she first went back there her intention was only to urinate a little bit – “just enough to take the edge off” she says – so she could make it inside to do the rest of it properly in the girls’ room. “But you didn’t?” I ask her. “No sir,” she acknowledges, “Once I starting going, it was just feeling too good to stop.” “I did the whole thing back there behind the dumpster,” she says, “And then I just had to drip dry myself because I didn’t have tissues.”

“You’d have been better off if you’d just have wet your pants,” I tell her, “It would have only been a first offense and you wouldn’t even have been punished at all.” Faithful readers of the TVPC may remember that Tori did wet her bed one night back at band camp. But since she was determined not to be at fault for that, a pants wetting today would have still been her first offense and she’d have only gotten a warning for that. “I guess I would have been better off punishment wise,” Tori tells me, “But I just didn’t want to wet my pants.” “I just hate going to the bathroom in my pants no matter which function it is, “she explains. “I know that I have to be punished for what I did today,” she acknowledges, “I’m just hoping that you can consider my good toilet record so far and not punish me too bad.”

“Can I assume that urinating was the only thing you did back there back there behind the garbage dumpster?” I ask Tori, “You didn’t need to do a bowel movement, did you?” Obviously, doing a bowel movement outside would be a more serious offense than just urinating. “Well, actually I did need to do a bowel movement, too – Coffee in the morning does wonders on that account, as well,” she acknowledges, “But I was able to hold that in a while longer.” “I did that in the girls’ room once I got into the school,” she says.

All things considered, Victoria’s punishment need not be particularly severe, but it must be enough to teach her a lesson about the proper place to urinate. And the proper place is certainly not on the pavement behind a garbage dumpster in back of the school. I sentence Tori to write “I must learn to urinate in the girls’ room in school” 250 times and to serve 3 days in detention. With that, I motion for her to take a seat in the detention section to get started on that.”

Moving on to our next case, it’s actually a friend of Tori’s named Cat. Cat is also a senior. She is charged with Not Flushing the Toilet after having a bowel movement in it. “After peeing AND having a bowel movement,” chimes in Jade, another senior, who is a witness to what Cat did. As Cat just glares at Jade with an annoyed look on her face, I explain to Jade that leaving the toilet unflushed after a bowel movement is obviously more serious than leaving it unflushed after just urinating. “So we just charge the more serious offense when a girl does both,” I point out, I think most times when a girl does a bowel movement in the toilet, she also urinates, too.” I get the impression that Jade and Cat are not friends and that she is feeling VICTORIOUS that she can help charge Cat with a toilet violation.

“I guess I’m guilty,” Cat acknowledges, “I guess I just wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing and I just forgot to flush it.” “I was in there a while doing my business,” Cat continues, “It was lunchtime and I was in a hurry to join Tori and my other friends at lunch.” “I guess I was just in too much of a hurry,” she adds, “I just forgot to flush it.” “Cat was coming out of the stall just as Jade was going into the stall,” reports Miss Skidmore, who was monitoring the Main Corridor girls’ room at the time,” “And then I heard Jade scream – Presumably when she saw that the toilet wasn’t flushed.” “Really Jade?” Miss Skidmore asks, “It was just an unflushed toilet – Did we really have to be so melodramatic?” “It was disgusting!” Jade says, “That toilet was full of you know what.” “It was disgusting!” she repeats, “What did you expect me to do?”

“How about you just flush it yourself?” Cat chimes in, a tinge of anger in her voice. “Did you really have to scream like you found a dead body in the stall or something?” Cat asks her, “It was just an unflushed toilet, for Pete’s sake.” “Did you really have to call Miss Skidmore over and get me in trouble for forgetting to flush the toilet?” she asks, “Couldn’t you just flush it yourself and get on with your business?” Actually that seems like a pretty stupid question as I get the impression that Jade would like nothing more than to get Cat in trouble. “Why should I flush YOUR toilet?” she asks Cat derisively. “Because it’s unflushed and it needs to be flushed!” Cat answers back, raising her voice a bit, “Because when you see an unflushed toilet, you flush it – That’s just common sense.” “You just flush it and then you sit down and do whatever it is that you came to the girls’ room to do,” she adds. “I expect to find a clean toilet when I go to the girls’ room,” Jade tells her, “I should be able to go in there and pee without having to flush the toilet after someone else.”

“Well, it looks like you should have done more than just pee,” Cat taunts Jade, laughing as she points to the noticeable lump in the seat of Jade’s jeans. It’s a remark to which Jade has no rebuttal – the bulge protruding from the seat of her jeans is the unmistakable sign of a girl with a pretty big load in her panties. The state of Jade’s panties is a matter that we’ll be dealing with shortly.

In the meantime, for leaving a toilet unflushed (after a bowel movement), Cat is sentenced to 2 days in detention and having to write 150 times, “I must learn to flush the toilet after having a bowel movement.” “That’s it,” Jade asks disappointedly, “That’s all she gets for leaving all that in the toilet?” “All Cat did was forget to flush the toilet,” I explain to Jade, “As Miss Skidmore said, I think you need to stop making it into a bigger deal than it is.” “At least she did her bowel movement in the toilet like she’s supposed to,” I add. And once again, Jade is left with nothing to say. I didn’t actually need to say that last part, but if it got Jade to stop complaining, I guess it was worth it. In the meantime, Cat leaves the podium and joins her friend Victoria in the detention section.

Our next case, of course, is Jade as the pretty but conceited senior faces a charge of panty-soiling. The charges were filed by Mrs. Falkenberg, her last period History teacher, in whose class this apparently happened. “That looks like quite a load, you’ve got there,” I tell Jade, “When you wear jeans that tight, you really need to avoid messing in your panties.” “It’s not so bad,” she says, “I think the tight jeans make it look worse than it really is.”

“Maybe so,” I tell her, “But I think it’s pretty shameful nonetheless.” “At your age you just sit there and mess in your panties right there in class,” I lecture her, “And it’s not like this is the first time you’ve done it, either.” “Shame on you,” I tell her. “I just had an accident, sir,” Jade tells me, “I guess I just waited a little too long in getting to the girls’ room.” “Why were you waiting at all?” Mrs. Falkenberg asks her, “I know that you have girls’ room passes left that you could have used.” Jade doesn’t answer. “Why were you waiting at all?” I repeat the question, “Most girls your age go do it in the toilet when that need arises.” “I was trying to hold it in,” Jade reluctantly answers, “I was trying to hold it in until I got home.” “Like I said, I just waited to long, “she continues, “I really thought that I could hold it in until I got home.” “I’m sorry but I just had an accident,” she adds.

“You don’t need to apologize to me,” I tell Jade, “I think that maybe you should apologize to yourself.” “I mean, you’re the one who has to deal with the mess in your panties,” I point out, “And you’re the one who is about to be punished for doing it.” “I just want you to realize that had you just gotten a girls’ room pass and gone and used the toilet when you needed to, you wouldn’t be standing here with a mess in your panties,” I explain, “I hope you realize just how stupid it was to sit there in class trying to hold it in when you really had to go so bad.” “If I could go back and do it all over again, I certainly would have gone to the girls’ room,” she answers, “I certainly wouldn’t go in my pants again, if that’s you mean.” “But like I said, I was just trying to hold it in until I got home,” she goes on, “I wanted to use my own toilet at home instead of the girls’ room at school.” “I mean, I know it’s better to use the girls’ room in school than to go in my pants,” she says, “But I’d just rather hold it in and go at home if I can.” “But I guess I just held it in a little too long this,” she adds.

“Well, looking at your file, it seems that you’ve tried to hold it in a little too long a few other times as well,” I point out, “I believe this the 4th time you’ve been guilty of Panty-Soiling this year.” “Yes sir,” she acknowledges, her head bowed in shame. “I guess I do try to hold it in too much,” she says, “I’d just rather go at home than at school – that’s all.”

“I understand, but I hope you know that the punishment gets worse for repeat offenders,” I explain, as I also acknowledge that she has some other toilet violations on her record this year as well. Faithful readers of the TVPC may remember that incident from band camp last summer when Victoria had a bedwetting accident and Jade announced it at lunch to the whole camp. And she’s also been guilty once this year of using too much toilet paper – apparently one of those times when she did manage to have a bowel movement in the girls’ room at school. For her punishment, Jade will have to write 500 times, “I will not soil my panties in school again.” She’ll also have to serve a week of detention sitting on the toilet (in the Main Corridor girls’ room) and a week of her study hall sitting there as well.

Jade looks a little surprised at the severity of her punishment – Specifically, she doesn’t like the fact that her punishment is worse than what I gave to Cat. “Cat went in the toilet, you went in your panties,” I explain to Jade when she questions it, “Of course, your punishment is going to be worse than hers.” “You’re lucky I didn’t send you to the girls’ room right now to clean out those panties,” I explain further, “And then you could have shown us all how much better you are than Cat at flushing the toilet.”

As Jade turns to leave, I see that Victoria and Cat are each holding their nose – A gesture of obvious derision aimed at the smell from the load in Jade’s panties. Immediately, I assign them each to write “I must learn to behave myself properly in detention” 100 times. But before I can even finish assigning it, Jade returns the favor by sticking her tongue out at them. “That’s 100 times for you, too,” I tell Jade. But Jade still continues, this time giving Victoria and Cat the middle finger as she heads out the door. Immediately, I send a TVPC staffer after her. When Jade is returned to the podium, I have something else to tell her. “That’s 500 times now,” I explain and note for the record, “And if you want to keep going, we’ve got plenty of paper for you to write sentences on.” This time Jade gets the message and I get no further gesturing from her.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

In even worse trouble at this afternoon’s session of the TVPC is Avery, a cute and petite freshman. While she doesn’t have any other offenses like Jade does, this is Avery’s 5th panty-soiling this year. I know she’s just a shy freshman and apparently too scared to do her bowel movements in the school girls’ room, but 5 panty-soiling offenses already this year is just in excusable. “I’m sorry Avery, but these bowel movements in your pants have simply got to stop,” I tell her sternly, “I don’t know what it’s going to take, but you’ve simply got to start using the girls’ room in school when you need to.”

As is typically the case, the poor girl is in tears as she stands before the TVPC with a substantial load in her panties yet again. She’s a smart girl – she even writes the DOG WITH A BLOG series in the school’s online newspaper (or so she says!) – and she certainly knows she can’t keep going on messing in her panties in school. But she’s also very shy and just can’t seem to make herself use the toilet when she has to go. Apparently, she urinates in the school girls’ room when she needs to (at least she’s never been charged with wetting her pants or having a doubleheader accident), but the same cannot be said for her having a bowel movement in there.

“I know – I know I have to do better,” Avery mumbles through her tears, “I know I have to start using the girls’ room, but I just can’t.” “I’m sorry I keep messing in my panties,” she says as she completely breaks down crying into her hands. “She’s definitely trying to do better,” states Mrs. Duncan, who filed the Violation Report against Avery, “You can see how upset she is at having another accident.” “I know she’s trying – But she’s got to do more than just try,” I tell the kind-hearted Music teacher, but obviously I’m really saying it for Avery’s benefit, “She’s actually got to start using the girls’ room in school for her bowel movements – She’s got to start actually going in the toilet instead of her panties.” “And this happened in study hall, to boot,” I point out. A study hall period is when a girl is supposed to go to the bathroom. Whereas, girls’ room visits on class time are discouraged (some teaches even completely forbid girls’ room visits on class time), they are encouraged to go during study hall if they need to. I mention this to Avery. “A study hall is the perfect time to go to the girls’ room,” I tell the shy, scared freshman. “Mrs. Duncan will give you a pass if you need one,” I explain, “Then you can go find a toilet stall that you’re comfortable with, take your time, and do what you have to do.”

“Sometimes I do go and pee during study hall period,” Avery mentions regaining her composure a bit, “Mrs. Duncan always gives me a pass when I ask for one.” “Obviously sometimes you need to do more than just urinate,” I tell her gently, “And obviously you need to start using the girls’ room for your other needs as well.” “Yes sir,” she tells me meekly. “I know that using the girls’ room at school can be a little scary sometimes – it’s not like going at home, especially when you gotta do a bowel movement,” Mrs. Duncan tells the toilet troubled freshman cutie, “But going during study hall is a good idea – Sometimes you can even be alone in there.” “I really want to see you start doing better,” she tells Avery, “You know I don’t like writing you up for Panty-Soiling and seeing you get punished.” “I know,” Avery acknowledges through her tears of shame. “I wish I could go to the bathroom for you,” Mrs. Duncan continues, “If I could fix it so you wouldn’t have to go the bathroom in school, I would.” “But you know that I can’t do that, Avery,” she tells her, “You know that you have to take care of these things yourself.” “Yes Ma’am,” she tells Mrs. Duncan, “But I wish I could just wait and go at home.” “You know I go pee at school all the time,” she reiterates, “But I just can’t do the other thing.”

“Well, you’d better start doing the other thing,” I tell her sternly, “Because the punishment keeps getting worse the more times that you do it and a 5th panty-soiling already this year is quite a serious matter.” “If you keep this up, young lady, there’s no telling how bad your punishments are going to be by the end of the year,” I warn her, “You know, the next time you do this, you’re going to have to clean up your accident right here in school.” “You’ll have to clean yourself with the toilet paper in there and then dump out your soiled panties in the toilet,” I explain, “And then you’ll have to scrub your panties clean in the sink.” “I really don’t think you’re going to want to do that,” I explain further, “But it’s what you’re going to have to do if you mess in your panties in school again.”

In the meantime, I give Avery a stern sentence of having to write, “I will not soil my panties in school again” 1,000 times. “A th-th-thousand times?” she asks. “You wrote 500 times last time and you still messed in your panties again,” I point out, “So this time we’ll try a full thousand and see what happens.” “The punishment just keeps getting worse, Avery,” I remind her. I also sentence her not only to a week in detention sitting on the toilet, but 2 weeks of her study hall period as well. I do allow, however, that Avery can choose the girls’ room where she’ll do her toilet sitting. I figure maybe that’ll help her get more comfortable with the school toilets. “Please, Avery, for your sake, use the toilet next time,” I implore her. She nods her head like she understands, but I just don’t know. She’s really a good girl and for her sake, I really hope that I don’t have to punish her for this again.

For our next case, I call the name of a shy and sweet junior brunette named Ally. She is charged with “Masturbating in the Girls’ Room” – Specifically, in the stall against the far wall in the Main Corridor girls’ room. “I caught Ally in there during 6th period this afternoon,” reports Mrs. Jennings, a Hall Monitor, “I went in there to use the bathroom myself and I heard these strange sounds coming out of the last stall.” “And when I went over there to check it out, I caught Ally right in the act,” she reports further, “She was sitting on the toilet with eyes closed and pants down masturbating.” “Ally, it’s not that there is anything wrong with masturbating – I did it all the time when I was your age,” she tells the girl, “It’s just that you shouldn’t be doing it in the girls’ room at school.” “Mrs. Jennings is quite right,” I chime in. “The girls’ room is there for girls to perform necessary bodily functions,” I point out to Ally, “It’s not a place for you to sit and pleasure yourself.

Ally, though, has pleaded “Not Guilty” to the charge. “I wasn’t um-um you know doing what Mrs. Jennings said,” the shy, soft-spoken and very embarrassed junior explains, “I wasn’t doing that.” “I just went in there to pee,” she says, “And I was just sitting there a while after I was done.” Mrs. Jennings and I both look at Ally incredulously. Ally is a really sweet and likeable girl and we don’t want to embarrass her further, but we really do need to get to the bottom of this. I press her for a better explanation. “I had to pee and I just went in there and peed,” she says again. “I only had lunch that period,” she points out, “So after I wiped myself, I was just sitting there for a while.” Still, I’m unconvinced of Ally’s innocence, so I motion for her to continue.

“Well, I guess I was kind of like, you know, kind of like rubbing myself a little bit,” Ally reluctantly admits, “But it’s not like I was actually masturbating or anything like that.” “You were rubbing yourself, but you weren’t masturbating?” I ask her incredulously, “What do you think masturbating is, Ally?” The poor girl has no answer to that. “And you were rubbing yourself more than just a little, weren’t you?” Mrs. Jennings asks her, “You had your eyes closed and you were really going to town on yourself, weren’t you?” Ally nods her head “yes” as the tears start to fall.

“You were masturbating in the girls’ room weren’t you, Ally?” I then ask her matter-of-factly. “Yes,” she finally admits and she breaks down completely in tears. “I’m sorry,” she mumbles through those tears, “I honestly just went in there to pee and then I just started doing it and couldn’t stop.” “I just don’t know what come over me,” she says, “I just don’t know what I was thinking to do something like this.” “I think you know what you were thinking of Ally,” states Mrs. Jennings, “Maybe I don’t know WHAT you were thinking, but I’m pretty sure I know WHO you were thinking it about.” The reference, apparently, is to a boy that Ally has a major crush on.

But just as I’m about to address that comment, I hear a commotion from the detention section of the TVPC committee room. “AUSTIN AND ALLY sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g,” comes the refrain from Trish, a heavy-set, boisterous junior serving detention for going in her pants both ways yesterday. She’s actually close friends with Ally and probably didn’t mean to be nasty with a comment like that, but teasing like that is obviously inexcusable. I immediately bang my gavel and point Trish to the back of the room. “Go stand in the corner facing the wall,” I tell her angrily, “And if I hear another peep out of you, you’re going to write that whole rhyme 50 times.” She does as she’s told and takes her place in the corner – it’s a juvenile punishment to be sure, but it seems perfectly appropriate in this case. She’s already got 400 lines to write for her doubleheader accident yesterday and doesn’t need any more writing to do.

Turning my attention back to an embarrassed Ally, I note that it’s only her first offense for masturbating in the girls’ room and note that the punishment isn’t going to be all that severe. But Mr. Piper, a new member of the TVPC, questions that. “Is this really only her first offense?” he asks, “Didn’t you deal with an incidence of Ally masturbating at Band Camp this summer?” I double check Ally’s toilet record and I see she’s got prior offenses this school for wetting her pants, soiling her pants (while representing the school at a football game) and accidentally leaving the toilet unflushed after a bowel movement. “That violation at band camp wasn’t for masturbating in the girls’ room.” I explain, “Ally’s only charge that time was for wetting her pants.” “She was caught masturbating in the woods behind her cabin that day,” I clarify, “And then she wet her pants while she was getting punished for that.” “So this in indeed her first violation for masturbating in the girls’ room,” I note for the record.

Accordingly, I sentence her to a week of detention and to write 500 times, “I will not masturbate in the girls’ room at school again.” I can tell she’s not happy to hear that, but she also seems to be a bit relieved that it isn’t worse. Mostly, I think, she’s happy not be put on toilet suspension for this. “Don’t do this again, Ally,” I warn her, “For a second offense on this, you may very well find yourself serving a toilet suspension.” “Next time, just masturbate at home,” Mrs. Jennings suggests, “Austin may be a hottie, but I don’t think he’s worth getting put on toilet suspension for.” “Yes, Ma’am,” she acknowledges as she sniffles, brushes her hair out of her face, and wipes the tears from her eyes.

Our next case – Or should I say our next 2 cases – Is/are being brought by a student. As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, students are allowed to bring cases against other students. Such is the case here. Bringing the case today is Paisley, a pretty but quite ditzy blonde-haired cheerleader. And she has brought a toilet violation charge against Olive, a timid, blonde-haired bookworm and Chyna, a dark-haired outgoing member of the school choir. Not only do these girls, both of whom are freshman, have different personalities, they apparently are very different as to their toilet habits as well. While Chyna, the outgoing girl with the dark hair has never been before the TVPC before, Olive, the timid blonde has 3 previous panty-soiling violations. Oddly, though, the 2 girls are the best of friends. As I read over the Violation Report filed by Paisley (a junior) in this case, I’m not exactly sure what she’s alleging. Of course, I ask her about this.

“For one thing, Olive and Chyna were in a bathroom stall together,” the pretty cheerleader explains, “I went into the New Edition girls’ room to pee and I saw the 2 of them in the same stall.” “I don’t know what the 2 of them were doing in there,” she continues, “I just know they were in there together and it was creeping me out.” “They were probably doing some kind of sex thing like Ally was doing before,” she rambles on, “I just can’t believe that anybody would do that kind of thing in a bathroom stall.” “I don’t think I even want to know what they were doing in there,” Paisley continues, “I just know that I should be able to go pee without seeing freaky stuff like that.”

“I hear what you’re saying but your charges aren’t quite clear,” I point out to Paisley, “What specifically are you alleging that Olive and Chyna were doing in the stall together.” The ditzy cheerleader looks at me puzzled and I have to ask her again.” “Isn’t it a violation for 2 girls to be in a stall at the same time?” she eventually asks. “Indeed it is, Paisley,” I tell her, a bit surprised that she’d know that, “And if that’s all you want to charge them with, we can proceed with that.” “But if they were masturbating together or doing something like that, they should be facing a more serious charge,” I point out, “Merely being the same stall together – like if they were using the toilet together – is a far less serious violation.” “Ewwwww! – Why would they be using the toilet together?” Paisley remarks, “Can’t those 2 do anything alone?”

“That’s exactly what they were doing,” suddenly chimes in a voice from the spectators section of the TVPC committee room.” That voice belongs to Teddy, a pretty junior honor student. “I apologize for calling out like that, sir,” she says, “But I just want to say for the record that the 2 of them weren’t doing anything wrong.” “Well, if the 2 of them wee in the same girls’ room stall together, they were indeed doing something wrong,” I tell the articulate blonde-haired Teddy, “It isn’t the most serious of toilet violations, but more than 1 girl in a toilet stall is still a violation of TVPC rules.” “Yes sir – I know that,” Teddy responds, “I just mean that all they were doing is using the toilet and they weren’t doing anything bad in there.” “They certainly weren’t doing anything sexual or any freaky stuff like Paisley said,” Teddy points out emphatically. “No we weren’t,” Chyna adds as Olive nods her head.

Teddy goes on to explain that she was in the girls’ room herself when Olive, Chyna, and Paisley were all in there. “I was in there the whole time with stomach cramps,” she says, “I had been constipated for several days and after lunch today, my bowels really started to open up.” You went?” Teddy is suddenly asked by Mrs. Duncan. In addition to being a Music teacher and our Assistant Band Director, Mrs. Duncan is Teddy’s mom. “Yes mom, I went,” Teddy answers, flashing a broad smile, “I feel a whole lot better now.” “Did you go a lot, honey,” Mrs. Duncan next asks her daughter. Teddy once again tells her mom that she did. “You wouldn’t believe how much I went,” she explains, “It took a while and it was all coming out slowly, but it definitely all came out.” “I had to flush the toilet 3 times so it wouldn’t clog,” Teddy says, “And it took like half a roll of toilet paper to wipe myself with.” “That bran muffin and all that fruit you made me eat this morning, really worked wonders,” she tells her mom, “It feels like I’m 10 pounds lighter now.” “Well, I did used to be a nurse, you know,” she tells her daughter.

“Ewwwww!” Paisley suddenly chimes in, “That’s gross!” No wonder that bathroom stunk so bad,” she adds. “I suppose yours doesn’t stink,” the articulate Teddy fires back, “Or maybe Paisley wants us to believe she doesn’t do it all.” The comment draws laughs from the assembled crowd and I have to bang my gavel to restore order.

Getting more to the point, I then turn to Olive and Chyna for a further explanation. “It wasn’t like we were both going to the bathroom together,” Chyna explains, “It was Olive that had to go and I was helping her in there.” I pause for a moment – Looking at both of them – As I try to figure out exactly what that means. “It’s true, sir,” Olive says, “I had to go and Chyna was helping me.” “O-M-G – you girls in ANT FARM can’t even go to the bathroom by yourself?” Paisley asks derisively, “What kind of girls am I going to school with?” “I do go to the bathroom by myself,” Chyna clarifies, “It’s just that Olive needs help sometimes.” “You know how Olive is with her phobias,” she explains, “And using the school bathrooms for #2 is one of them.” “She really doesn’t like going #1 in there, either, but we got her over that one,” Chyna explains further, “So I just go in there and help her when she needs to do a #2.” Paisley looks at both of them totally disgusted. “It’s not like I wipe her or anything like that,” Chyna points out, “It’s just that I line the seat with toilet paper for her to sit on so she won’t worry about germs.” “And I just stand there with her and help her relax so she can do her business,” the talented, dark haired freshman continues, “It’s really no big deal – I mean, Olive really does it by herself.”

“I certainly think it’s a big deal for Olive,” Teddy chimes in, “She’s lucky to have a friend like you.” “I know,” Olive says enthusiastically as looks with admiration toward her friend Chyna. “Olive is my friend and she needs my help sometimes,” Chyna tells us. “She’s already gone in her pants a few times,” Chyna explains, “And I know she doesn’t want to do that anymore.” “I really don’t want to go in my pants but I don’t like going at school,” Olive explains, “But when Chyna goes with me I can do it.” “And I do the wiping myself,” Olive explains further, “I just like Chyna to be with me when I have to go – that’s all.” As I listen to the story, I’m quite touched by the deep friendship between the 2 of them. “You are a true friend, Chyna,” I tell her, “It’s very nice of you to help Olive like that.” “She’s my friend and she needs my help sometimes,” Chyna repeats, “It’s the least I can do.” But Paisley has quite a different view. “You really need to grow up, Olive,” she tells the freshman, “You’re in high school now – You’re supposed to be able to take a shit by yourself.” Immediately, I bang my gavel and warn Paisley about any future outbursts. I also assign her to write the phrase “Bowel Movement” 500 times.

Unfortunately, as touching as this demonstration of true friendship is, it’s still a violation of school toilet rules to have 2 girls in a toilet stall at the same time. Teddy argues that I should let Chyna go into the stall with Olive. “Isn’t it better that Chyna help Olive like she did than to have Olive go back to messing in her panties,” Teddy points out. But unfortunately I just can’t allow that. I suggest to Chyna that she can still help Olive but she just has to do from outside the stall. And I tell Olive that I hope she can continue to use the toilet in school even though Chyna isn’t going to be in the stall with her anymore. In the meantime, I give Chyna the choice of 1 day of detention or writing “I must learn that only one girl is allowed in a girls’ room stall at one time” 100 times. Chyna choose the hour of detention. “And for your punishment, Olive, you’re going to have to do both the writing and the detention,” I tell her and note for the record. “That’s because you have other toilet offenses on your record,” I explain to Olive, “But that’s still far less than the punishment you’d have gotten for another panty-soiling violation. “And I don’t have to clean up a mess in my panties, either,” Olive adds with a smile.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

That case was the last one on our scheduled TVPC agenda, but it appears that we suddenly have another matter to adjudicate. Just entering the TVPC committee room are CeCe and Rocky, 2 pretty and energetic seniors. With them is their History teacher Mrs. Cobb. She is apparently here to charge these 2 girls with toilet violations. I’m thinking that the 2 girls were probably in detention with Mrs. Cobb this afternoon and whatever this is about happened there.

“Was this in detention,” I ask Mrs. Cobb. “Yes, Mr. Chairman,” she answers, “I had CeCe and Rocky with me in detention this afternoon, writing some punishment sentences.” She explains that the girls were each assigned to write “I will not dance in History class again” 250 times. I just look at CeCe and Rocky puzzled. “You girls were dancing in History class?” I ask them, astonished. “Yes sir,” CeCe tells me, “We just really like to dance.” “No offense to Mrs. Cobb, but class was really boring today,” Rocky adds, “We thought we’d do something to SHAKE IT UP.” “Well, it certainly sounds like your detention and writing assignment was well deserved,” I tell our 2 dancing enthusiasts.

“Like I said before, I assigned CeCe and Rocky to detention with me, and I told them that they’d have a long writing assignment to finish before they left,” Mrs. Cobb reports, “But apparently they didn’t think it necessary to visit the girls’ room before they reported to me for detention.” “As they sat there in detention writing their sentences, they eventually starting asking me for permission to go to the girls’ room,” she explains, “And when I wouldn’t let them go, they started complaining how desperate they were.” “Eventually, they both told me that they couldn’t hold it in any more,” Mrs. Cobb explains further, “And then they just abruptly got up, left the detention, and went to the girls’ room without permission.” Hearing that, I have the TVPC clerk draw up a Violation Report on each of them for “Leaving Detention Without Permission to Go to the Girls’ Room.”

“We had to go and we didn’t want to have an accident,” Rocky says, “It was really an emergency and we just couldn’t hold it in anymore.” “I just didn’t want to mess in my panties,” she adds, “That would be so gross!” “It’s true, sir – We both really had an emergency, “CeCe tells me, “I really was going to wet my pants if I didn’t go right then.” “I know were not supposed to leave class without permission,” she says, “But I really didn’t want to wet my pants again.” “Mrs. Cobb was going to make us stay in detention until we finished all 250 lines,” Rocky tells us, “And that was going to take us a really long time.” “There was no way we were going to finish in time,” she argues, “I was about to drop a load in my panties and CeCe was about to make a puddle on the floor.” “I guess we deserved detention for the dancing thing,” CeCe tells their teacher, “But I really think you should have let us use the bathroom when we needed to.” “I guess we have to get punished for going without permission,” she continues, “But we only went because we didn’t want to go in our pants.” “I don’t know what else we could have done,” she adds.

“You know the rules – You girls have been to detention before,” Mrs. Cobb tells them. “You girls know that when you go to detention you have to stay for the whole time,” she explains, “And that means not getting any passes, including for the girls’ room.” “You should know better than to report for detention without going to the girls’ room first,” she explains further, “That way you don’t have to worry about having to go when you’re in detention.”

But Rocky tells us that she did go to the girls’ room before going to detention. “I went and peed,” the dark-haired Rocky says, “That’s all I had to do at the time.” “It really wasn’t my fault,” she says, “I didn’t have to do the other thing until I got to detention.” “And then I don’t know what happened because I suddenly had to go really, really bad,” she explains, “Like I said before, I had to go right then or I was going to mess in my panties if I didn’t.” “And I really, really didn’t want to mess in my panties,” she adds. “Well, that’s unfortunate, then,” I tell Rocky, “But it’s still no excuse for going to the girls’ room without permission.” “You have no previous toilet violations of any kind this year,” I point out, “You wouldn’t even have been punished at all for having an accident.” “But I still didn’t want to have an accident,” Rocky tells me, “I’d rather get punished for going to the girls’ room than have to deal with a mess in my panties.”

“It’s going to be like 500 sentences to write,” CeCe tells her, “And like a whole week in detention.” Mrs. Cobb and I both look at CeCe puzzled. “Well, that’s what I got back in October when I did this before,” she says, “Miss Skidmore wouldn’t let me leave class and I was about to go both ways in my pants that time.” “I got 500 times and a week of detention for that,” she points out. “Am I going to have to write 1,000 times this time?” CeCe asks me. “Maybe I can give you a break on the writing punishment this time,” I explain to CeCe, “But that’s going to be the least of your problems now.” Upon questioning from me, CeCe admits that she didn’t go to the girls’ room immediately before reporting for detention today. “I only went like an hour before,” she tells us, “I certainly didn’t have to go again so soon.” “I guess I should have gone anyway,” she admits now.

Moving on to their punishment, I first sentence Rocky to 3 days of detention and to write 300 times, “I will not leave detention without permission to go to the girls’ room again” “Normally, it is 500 times and 5 days detention as CeCe says,” I explain, “But under the circumstances, I thought you deserved a break.” Turning next to CeCe, I prepare her for some bad news – Some VERY bad news. “This is the 2nd time you’ve defied a teacher and gone to the girls’ room without permission,” I explain, “That can’t be tolerated no matter how bad you needed to go.” “You only have 2 prior accidents so the punishment for wetting your pants wouldn’t have been that bad,” I tell her, “But this is far more serious.” “I’m afraid this is going to be 2 weeks on toilet suspension,” I tell a stunned CeCe, “For 2 weeks, you may not use any school bathroom for any reason.” In consideration of the harshness of that I only sentence her to a 500 times writing assignment when 1,000 times would seem more appropriate for a 2nd offense. And I will allow her to postpone serving her 1 week of detention until her toilet suspension is finished. That way, at least she won’t have a longer school day on days when she can’t go to the bathroom in school.

Not surprisingly, CeCe is very upset at her punishment and begs me to reconsider. “I’d rather write the 1,000 times and I’ll spend the next month in detention if I have to,” she offers, desperately, “I’ll do anything not to get put on toilet suspension.” “Please, sir – I have to be able to go to the bathroom in school,” she pleads, “Please sir – Please don’t give me a toilet suspension.” Even Mrs. Cobb chimes in on the subject – Suggesting that maybe a toilet suspension is a bit too severe in this case. “I know CeCe has to be punished for this,” she says, “But I’m not sure a toilet suspension is called for here.” She points out that both girls were very respectful to her when they decided to leave detention for the girls’ room. “They told me that they were sorry, but that they really had to go,” Mrs. Cobb points out.

Thinking about that for a moment, I come up with an idea. “I’ll schedule you for a punishment appeal in a week,” I tell CeCe. “After a week, you’ll come before the TVPC again and I’ll consider reinstating your toilet privileges then,” I explain, “But you’re definitely going to have to serve at least 1 week on toilet suspension.” “And you’d better do what you’re supposed to do during your first week on toilet suspension,” I warn her, “Because I’ll only consider letting you off from the second week if we have no more toilet issues from you and if you get your writing assignment done on time.” “If we have any problems from you at all,” I warn her further, “I will definitely make you serve that 2nd week on toilet suspension.” Through her tears, CeCe tells me that she understands. “At least that’s something,” she says as a TVPC staffer places that dreaded red wristband on her wrist – The wristband that signals the girl is on toilet suspension. “Hopefully, you’ll get that taken off in a week,” I tell her, “In the meantime, no matter what happens you’d better not use the bathroom in school.”

Just as I’m about to gavel this session to a close, I see a raised hand in the spectator’s section. That hand belongs to Jessie, a pretty light haired brunette. I happened to notice that she came into the committee room and I was wondering what she was here for. Apparently, she has a matter to bring to our attention, so I motion for her to take the podium.

“I was just in the girls’ room down by the Music room,” Jessie tells us, “And there’s an um-huge dump in one of the toilets there.” “It looks like some girl took a really huge dump and just left it there,” Jessie explains. “That thing is really amazing,” she continues with a look of amazement on her face, “One end is all the way down in the drain and the other end is sticking up out of the water about up to the top of the bowl.” “You just wouldn’t believe the size of that thing,” she adds. The comment draws a few giggles from the assembled crowd. “I just didn’t want anyone to think that I did it,” Jessie tells us, “I mean, I sometimes do pretty big ones, but never anything the size of that.” “I don’t know how any girl could do a bowel movement the size of that,” she adds. With that comment, more giggles ensue and I have to use the gavel to keep order.

“Thanks, Jessie – Thanks for bringing that to our attention,” I tell the senior beauty. “And I’ll make sure we note that it wasn’t you who did it.” Of course, the TVPC wants to find out who did it. That girl will be facing a charge of “Not Flushing the Toilet After a Bowel Movement” and likely with leaving it unflushed on purpose. Girls sometimes do forget to flush the toilet and, of course, that violates TVPC rules, but leaving it unflushed on purpose (especially when it’s a bowel movement) makes it a lot more serious.

But just as I’m about to authorize a TVPC investigation into the huge bowel movement downstairs, I see Mrs. Duncan approach the podium. “There’s no need to conduct an investigation, Mr. Chairman,” Mrs. Duncan tells us as she takes the podium. I, and the rest of the TVPC, look at her puzzled. “I’m afraid that I’m the one who did that bowel movement in the girls’ room down there,” the pretty, blonde haired Music teacher confesses, “I went in there and did it after class and right before I came here for this meeting.”

“Not surprisingly, that sudden revelation garners quite a reaction from the assembled crowd. Amongst the crowd is Mrs. Duncan’s daughter, Teddy. “Oh! This I have to see!” Teddy says with a broad smile as she heads for the door – Presumably on her way downstairs to see her mother’s impressive bowel movement. But before she gets very far, Teddy is stopped by her close friend, Ivy. “Big bowel movements happen sometimes,” Ivy tells Teddy, “You really shouldn’t make fun of people for doing them.” Ivy, as faithful readers of the TVPC may recall, is quite prolific at producing big bowel movements herself. The pretty, full-figured junior has certainly clogged more than her fair share of school toilets with bowels moving prowess. “You mom is so nice – She never says anything when I clog the toilet at your house,” Ivy tells Teddy, “So I think you should tease your mom about this.” “And I know you’ve done a few big bowel movements yourself,” she reminds the pretty, blonde-haired Teddy, “And your mom doesn’t tease you about them, either.” With that, Teddy acknowledges that Ivy is right and she gives her mom a sympathetic nod.

I, however, am more than a little annoyed at Mrs. Duncan. “It’s one thing to drop a bowel movement like that, Amy,” I tell the pretty and outgoing Music teacher, “It’s another thing entirely just to leave it there unflushed like that.” “I must say that I am quite disappointed in you,” I explain. “You’re lucky that the TVPC doesn’t have the authority to punish teachers,” I tell Mrs. Duncan, “Because purposely leaving a toilet unflushed is not just a minor offense.” But Mrs. Duncan denies that she left it unflushed on purpose – In fact, she denies that she left it unflushed at all. “I tried to flush it,” she insists, “But when I flushed the toilet, the bowel movement just wouldn’t bulge.” “I actually tried 3 times to flush it, but it was no use,” she continues, “All that did was almost overflow the toilet.” “It was just too big to flush down,” she surmises, “But I certainly didn’t leave it unflushed on purpose.” “The last thing I wanted was for people to be seeing that bowel movement,” Mrs. Duncan insists, “It’s kind of embarrassing for people to know that I did a bowel movement that size.”

But while she denies leaving it unflushed on purpose, Mrs. Duncan also acknowledges responsibility for what happened. “I guess what I really did was clog the toilet – And I’d like to plead ‘Guilty’ to that, “I guess I do deserve to be punished for that.” “And you also shouldn’t have just walked away and left it there in the toilet,” I admonish Mrs. Duncan, “You should have immediately reported to us what happened.” “You certainly shouldn’t have left it up to a student to tell us about it.” “Yes sir,” Mrs. Duncan responds, “I’m really sorry about that.”

On the other hand, though, I applaud Mrs. Duncan for stepping up and agreeing to be punished for what she did. “It only seems fair,” she says, “If I’m going to reporting students for their toilet violations, I guess I’m going to have to be willing to get punished for my own.” Accepting her “guilty” plea to “Clogging the Toilet With a Bowel Movement”, I first sentence her to write “I will not clog the toilet in the girls’ room in school again” 200 times. She’ll also have to write Jessie a 500 word letter of apology for Jessie have to see her massive bowel movement stuck in the toilet. “And you’ll, of course, have to take responsibility for clearing that toilet,” I explain to Mrs. Duncan, “You’re going to need to get a stick or something to break up your bowel movement so you can flush it all down,” I tell her, “And when you’re done with that, you’re going to have to thoroughly clean that toilet.” “Yes, sir,” she says, as she heads to the door and then downstairs to do what she needs to do.

Before closing this session of the TVPC, I take note of an administrative matter. Monday, February 4th was previously scheduled as a half-day of school. Hence, with a 12:30 PM dismissal time, the TVPC meeting for that afternoon was scheduled for 12:40 PM. But now, because of school days missed due to Superstorm Sandy, February is now a full school day. “So mark your calendars,” I tell my fellow TVPC members, “The TVPC meeting that day will be at its regular time of 3:10 PM.” “And there’s also a big cheerleading competition that weekend,” I also note, “So we could be in for a long meeting if we have some toilet violations from the cheerleading squad over the weekend.” “We usually do,” states Mrs. Crabtree, a member of the TVPC, “I can’t even remember the last time our cheerleaders went to a competition and didn’t come back with at least one toilet violation.”

So concludes another session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee. Meeting adjourned at 4:01 PM.

[spandexman]

Mrs. Duncan can dump

Great report as usual. Love the way the teachers seem to have bowel problems too. Speaking of bowel problems how are Mrs. John and my favorite Grace doing? Thanks again.

[Guest]

Aha! I suspected that Mrs. Duncan is a toilet clogger, but good on her for fessing up. Thanks, Arnold!

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Thank you both for your kind words. Spandexman, as to Coach Musso, I tried to give you a little foreshadowing with that concluding blurb about an upcoming cheerleading competition. You know how Grace always seems to have problems at those. Stay tuned!

[spandexman]

Thanks for the warning!

Look forward to it.