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Welcome to a session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.
My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of May 8, 2013.
As I open this afternoon’s session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC), I am pleased to welcome the very beautiful Miss Cooke, coach of our girls’ softball team. But Coach Cooke is not happy to be here at all, with 3 toilet violation cases (all 3 of them accidents) stemming from yesterday’s softball game at Westerburgh HS. “I hope you won’t be too hard on the girls,” Coach Cooke tells us, “I’ve seen bad bathroom facilities at softball fields before, but what they had at Westerburgh HS was the absolute worst.”
First up is Becca, a very pretty and athletic junior who is the starting Center Fielder. She is charged with messing in her panties. “I’m sorry, sir,” Becca tells me, “I know it’s disgusting to mess in my panties but like Coach Cooke said the bathroom there was just the absolute worst.” “Fortunately, I was able to hold in my pee, so at least I didn’t have to do that in my pants,” she points out, “But unfortunately, I just couldn’t hold it in the other way.” “I know it’s shameful to be going in my pants at my age – Especially while representing the school,” she goes on, “But I just couldn’t sit down and go in that disgusting bathroom.” “Bad bathrooms or not, you’re expected to use the toilet when you need to,” I tell her, in no uncertain terms. “You know very well it’s totally unacceptable to be messing in your panties like that anytime,” I explain, “And that goes double for when you’re representing the school on the softball team.” “Bad bathrooms are no excuse for having an accident,” I explain further, “I don’t care if it’s a port-o-potty or whatever, you still can’t be doing messes in your panties at softball games.”
“Yes sir, but it was more like whatever than a port-o-potty,” she tells me. “Port-o-pottys I can handle,” she explains, “I don’t like them but when you’re playing sports like I do, you have to get used to them.” “But this wasn’t even a port-o-potty, it was just a stinking outhouse,” she explains further, a look of disgust on her face, “This was just a run down bathroom shed that had a board with a hole in it.” “You had to squat over the hole in the board and your stuff just dropped down into a hole in the ground.” Coach Cooke is seen nodding her head in conformation of what Becca is telling us. “And they didn’t even have regular toilet paper in there,” Becca, continues, “They just had these little tissues that didn’t look like they could clean much if you really had a serious wiping job to do.” “I know were supposed to use whatever bathroom is available – I know we’re not supposed to go in our pants,” she adds, “But I just couldn’t do my stuff in there – I just couldn’t.”
Well, then I’m afraid that you’re just going to have to suffer the consequences,” I tell her, “And messing in your panties while representing the school definitely comes with some consequences.” I then ask Coach Cooke how bad Becca’s accident was. “Admittedly, it was kind of a bad one, sir,” the pretty Softball Coach tells me, “It was enough of a load that you could definitely see a bulge in the back of her pants.” “I guess she’s very lucky that we switched from white pants this year,” Coach Cooke adds.
“I’m sorry, sir,” the pretty, light-haired brunette says again, fighting back tears at that very vivid and obviously very embarrassing description of her soiling mess. “And it happened during the game itself?” I ask, “You weren’t even able to hold it in until you got back on the bus?” “No sir – I mean, yes sir, it happened during the game,” the slap-hitting Center-Fielder acknowledges, “It came out in my pants while I was on base in the last inning.” Under TVPC rules, it really doesn’t matter much – It’s considered an accident while representing the school even if it does only happen on the bus after the game. But as she didn’t even make it through the game holding it in, she pretty much knew she wasn’t going to be able to hold it in all the way home without having an accident.
But Coach Cooke once again pleads for some leniency on behalf of her Becca. “Really, Mr. Chairman – That bathroom was really bad,” Coach Cooke tells me, “I know it’s no excuse for hwe having an accident, but I just hope you’ll give that some consideration when determining her punishment.” But as I question Coach Cooke, I find that she used that bathroom herself and it wasn’t just to pee, either. “Well, if you could use it, I certainly expect your players to use it, too,” I tell the Coach, but obviously that was more intended for her players to hear. “I also want to mention that Becca did manage to hold it in and urinate in the toilet once we got back here,” the coach also points out, “I thought for a while she was going to wet her pants on the way home, but at least she didn’t do that.” “She couldn’t sit down because she had the mess all over her backside,” Coach Cooke explains “So she squatted over the toilet in the girls’ locker room and peed for what seemed like forever.” “I hope she lifted up the toilet seat first,” I remind the coach, as TVPC rules clearly state that when a girl squats to urinate (or defecate) she has to lift the toilet seat up first. “Yes she did,” the coach tells me. “I was watching her closely because I was worried she was going to get some of her mess on the toilet,” the coach explains, “But somehow she managed to urinate without making any mess at all.”
This is Becca’s second panty-soiling accident of the school year (the first happened in French class back in November) and she’s also got a violation for using profanity to refer to her bodily functions and one for clogging a toilet with a sanitary pad. For her punishment, she’ll have to write 500 times, “I will not soil my panties in school or at softball games again.” Then I giver her the choice of 2 weeks of toilet sitting during her study hall period or 1 week of toilet sitting in detention. She chooses the 2 weeks of doing it during her study hall. “And you’ll also be required to visit the girls’ room at all softball games for the rest of the school year,” I tell her, “And that certainly includes if the bathroom is just an outhouse like it was yesterday.”
Elaine (or “Lanie” for short), a cute, petite blonde and the starting Second Baseman on the team is the next softball player to face the TVPC today. She is charged with wetting her pants at the game.
“It was like Becca said,” Lanie tells us, “The bathroom there was the worst and I just didn’t want to use it.” “I tried really hard – I tried with all my might – To hold it,” she explains, “But it all started to leak out toward the end of the game.” “I know it’s no excuse – I know it’s my own fault I did it,” she explains further, “But I just couldn’t do it in that bathroom at the game.” “I even thought about ducking behind the outhouse shed and popping-a-squat back there – That actually seemed better than going in the outhouse,” she continues, “But there really wasn’t much cover back there – A lot of people would have seen me.” “Maybe I should have done that,” she reasons, “Maybe peeing back there would have been better than wetting my pants in front of everyone at the game.” “I don’t know – Would that have been better?” she asks, “I’m sure I would have been punished for doing that, too.”
“Indeed you would have been punished,” I tell her, “Popping-a-squat behind the outhouse building isn’t anymore acceptable than wetting your pants is.” “You can pop-a-squat if there’s nothing else available,” I point out, “But you can’t go outside if there’s an actual bathroom available.” “That’s a bathroom?” she asks, “A shack with a board with a hole in it is considered a bathroom?” “Indeed it is a bathroom,” I explain to her, “It’s an enclosed place where you can get some privacy and it has an opening that you can sit on and relieve yourself through.” “And they had toilet paper, too” I point out, “Maybe not the kind of toilet paper that you’d prefer, but certainly good enough to get the job done – Especially when you only needed to urinate.” “I’m sure it wasn’t the kind of bathroom you’d prefer,” I explain further, “But it’s certainly better than either squatting outside or wetting your pants.”
In considering Lanie’s punishment, I note that a wetting accident isn’t as serious as a soiling one, but Lanie has a thick file of previous offenses including 2 panty-wettings in school earlier this year. Accordingly, I also sentence her to a 500 times writing assignment. She’ll have to write, “I will not wet my pants in school or at softball games again” 500 times. She also gets both a week of detention and a week of her 4th period study hall sitting on the toilet in the girls’ locker room. Lanie looks at me wondering why it’s 500 times when 300 times is more common in a case where a girl merely wets herself. “The 500 times is because of all your other offenses,” I explain, “Wetting is indeed less serious than messing, but you’ve had 2 previous wetting violations in school and several other toilet violations as well.” I can’t say that she’s happy with that, but she seems she understands. Furthermore, she will also be required to visit the girls’ room at all softball games for the remainder of the school year.
Moving on to our third accident case (a panty-soiling) at yesterday’s softball game, I have to acknowledge that I’m a little confused. The accused is Carly, a bright, articulate, and multi-talented junior brunette. As I look over the Violation Report filed by Coach Cooke charging Carly with soiling her panties at the game, I’m not quite sure about something. While Carly may be talented in a lot of ways – She and her friend Sam do a web-based show on school affairs and she often sings and dances in school shows – I just can’t picture her on one of our school sports teams. But here she is charged with soiling in her panties at a softball game. “I didn’t realize that Carly was on the softball team,” I tell Coach Cooke. “Actually, Mr. Chairman, she isn’t on the team,” Coach Cooke answers. “Well then, I’m very confused,” I tell the young, pretty, and very enthusiastic softball coach. “You’re not the only one who is confused,” the beautiful and delightful Carly chimes in. “You’ve charged Carly with messing in her panties and doing so while representing the school at a softball game,” I explain to the Coach, “I think you need to explain how Carly can do that when she’s not even on the team.
Coach Cooke then explains that though Carly is not actually on the team, she was at the game yesterday. “I like softball and I have some friends on the team,” Carly chimes in, “I just went to the game as a spectator – I go to a lot of games.” “You didn’t just go to the game – You did something while you were there,” Coach Cooke continues, “And that something you did, you did in your pants.” “I’m not part of the team, I just went to the game as a fan,” Carly quickly answers back, obviously trying to avoid addressing Coach Cooke’s main point. “And while you were a fan at the game yesterday, you did mess in your pants, didn’t you?” she asks Carly, “DIDN’T YOU!?” Carly tries to avoid answering the – Obviously embarrassing – Question, but Coach Cooke persists in asking it. “Yes I did,” Carly eventually and reluctantly admits, “I did have a little accident at the game.” “I’d say it was more than just a little,” the coach fires back, “I’m surprised you didn’t split your pants with the load you had back there.” Carly doesn’t answer but I can tell by the embarrassed expression on her face that the coach’s vivid description of the pretty junior’s shameful panty-soiling accident is quite accurate.
But while Coach Cooke’s vivid description of yesterday’s accident may be accurate, it still begs the question as to why the matter is before the TVPC today. “I don’t understand how Carly can be considered to be representing the school at the game when she wasn’t even on the team,” I point out, “In fact, I don’t understand why you’d even be bringing a case against her at all since she was only there as a fan.” “Thank you!” Carly says, an undercurrent of sarcasm in her voice, “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell Miss Cooke but she just won’t listen.” “I don’t know what her problem is,” Carly adds. “Be careful, young lady,” I warn her, “Just because you can’t be charged for soiling your panties, doesn’t mean you can’t be charged for being disrespectful at a TVPC meeting.” “How’d you like 500 lines for that?” I ask her. “No thank you,” Carly answers respectfully.
“I don’t know why I can’t at least charge Carly with having an accident as a student, even if it’s not as a member of the soccer team,” Miss Cooke argues, “She really went in her panties a lot and I think she might have wet her pants a little bit, too.” Carly denies that she wet her pants as well – Claiming that she did use the outhouse for that. “Some of the mess leaked through the seat of my panties and into my jeans,” she explains, “That’s probably why my jeans looked a little wet in the seat.” Getting back to the subject at hand, Miss Cooke explains that Carly was at the game sitting in a section with lots of other students from our school. She also points out that she was wearing a sweatshirt in the school colors with the school name across the front and the school mascot logo on the back. “Carly was clearly presenting herself as a student at our school,” Miss Cooke argues, “And when she messed in her panties like that, everyone at the game could see that one of our students did that.” “She embarrassed our school as much as any of my players did,” she argues further, “Carly’s accident was actually even more visible to everyone than Lanie’s. She acknowledges that it probably wasn’t as noticeable as Becca’s, though.
Coach Cooke does make an interesting – and dare I say, inspired argument. It is, quite frankly, hard to argue that what Carly did at the game – Or rather what she didn’t do by refusing to go both ways in the outhouse – wasn’t shameful and deserving of a TVPC punishment. But TVPC rules are quite clear in this regard. “Carly wasn’t there in any official capacity either as a member of the team or even as a student at our school,” I explain to Coach Cooke and announce for the record, “She was simply there of her own volition as a softball friend and softball fan.” “Carly just wasn’t subject to TVPC jurisdiction while she was at the game,” I explain further, “And therefore she isn’t subject to a TVPC punishment for soiling her panties at the game.” Coach Coach is visibly disappointed at my ruling, but she’s just going to have to accept it. “Can we at least acknowledge that what Carly did at the game was shameful,” she asks?
“Shame on you, Carly,” I admonish the beautiful junior honor student, “I may not be able to punish you for this, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t shameful.” “It was very shameful – And quite disgusting as I understand it,” I admonish Carly further, “I’m really surprised at this kind of behavior from you.” “I hope you at least had to clean-out your panties when you got home,” I tell her. “Yes, sir – I did have to clean them out,” she acknowledges, “And I had to scrub out my panties, too.” “That was totally disgusting,” she tells us, “I never want to have to go through that again.” “Well, hopefully, this will be the last time,” I tell her, “Hopefully, you’ve at least learned something from this experience.”
For the next matter before the TVPC, I turn to Miss Johnson, an English teacher. She has 2 toilet violation cases to present this afternoon. Miss Johnson was monitoring the 4th period study hall today and apparently these 2 cases are drawn from something that happened there. Charged with toilet violations are Hope, a gorgeous junior blonde who is the star goalie on our girls’ soccer team and Jennifer (or “Moze” as she is known) a tall and pretty senior who is on our volleyball team.
“I have Hope charged with panty-soiling,” Miss Johnson reports, “And I have Moze – I mean, Jennifer – Charged with teasing her about it.” “Everything was pretty quiet at first in study hall today,” Miss Johnson reports further, “When all of a sudden there was this commotion from these 2.” “When I went over there to see what was going on, I could immediately smell the mess in Hope’s pants,” she explains, “And Jennifer was yelling at her, criticizing her, for doing it.” “Both of the girls already have writing assignments for disrupting the study hall,” the English teacher and study hall monitor adds.
Seeing the gorgeous Hope at the TVPC in soiled panties is certainly no surprise – She’s done this several times before, although it’s most often that she seems to do this at her soccer games. But to see the tall, pretty and very likeable “Moze” charged with “Bathroom-Related Teasing” surprises me very much. It’s certainly not the type of behavior that we’ve come to expect from her. Naturally, I ask her about this.
“I’m sorry, sir,” she says, “But I just couldn’t take it anymore.” “I have to sit right next to Hope in study hall,” Moze explains, “And you just wouldn’t believe how bad that mess she did smelled.” “I know we’re not supposed to say anything to girls who mess their panties, but I just couldn’t help myself,” Moze explains further, “It was just so stupid that she even messed her panties in the first place.” Moze goes on to explain that Hope was “cutting some really nasty farts” throughout the study hall – Obviously from needing to go to the girls’ room really bad, but trying to hold it in instead. “Hope was stinking out the place,” the generally well-spoken Moze tells us, “Obviously she was fighting to hold it in instead of going to the girls’ room like she should.” “I told Hope that she needed to ask for a pass to the girls’ room,” Moze explains, “But she just kept telling me that she didn’t have to go.” “I don’t know why she didn’t just go to the girls’ room and do it in the toilet – I don’t know what her problem was,” she goes on, “I don’t know how Hope could just sit there in study hall and proceed to mess in her panties.” “That’s just disgusting,” she adds, “And as bad as her farts smelled, this was like 10 times worse.”
“And I suppose you don’t think that yours stinks?” Hope asks Jennifer sarcastically. “I’m sure mine does,” Moze quickly fires back, “But at least I do mine in the toilet like I’m supposed to.” “I had to go today in study hall, too,” she goes on to explain, “And I got a girls’ room pass and went to the girls’ room to do it.” “I did mine in the toilet and then flushed it away,” she continues, “I didn’t do it in my pants so everyone else had to smell it all day.” “That’s the difference,” Moze adds adamantly.
“At least I don’t go and masturbate in the school girls’ room,” Hope fires back at Moze, “I wouldn’t be calling other people gross if you do that.” “And masturbating about Ned? – What’s up with that?” Hope continues derisively, “And you won’t even admit that you’ve got the hots for him.” “I don’t have the hots for Ned,” Moze fires back. “And that was over a year ago,” Moze tells Hope, “And I’d still rather do that than mess in my panties like a baby.” Moze was indeed caught last year masturbating in a school bathroom (actually, in a boys’ room), and Hope is probably right that Moze has the hots for Ned. After all, it was Ned that she was staring in the boys’ room when it happened. But all of that is besides the point here. “You’re already in enough trouble for messing in your panties, Hope,” I tell the soccer star, “You really don’t want to make it worse with a “Bathroom-Related Teasing’ charge.” “And you, Jennifer,” I tell Moze, “The last thing you need is a second ‘Bathroom-Related Teasing’ charge.” Both of them are smart girls and they wisely take my implicit advice to keep their mouths shut.
Turning to Hope, the utterly gorgeous soccer goalie, really has no explanation as to why she soiled her panties today. “I don’t know – I just did,” she says, “I just didn’t go to the girls’ room when I needed to.” I just glare at her, shaking my head. “I know you’ve got issues with using port-o-pottys at soccer games,” I lecture her, “But now you’re having problems using regular toilets in school, too?” “No sir – That’s not it,” she says, “I use the regular toilets in school all the time – Even for #2.” “I was just planning on using the girls’ room later,” she explains, “I was just trying to hold it in then so I could go in the toilet later.” It is, of course, a ludicrous explanation. “You had a study hall period, Hope,” I explain, a tinge of anger in my voice, “That’s the perfect time to get a pass to the girls’ room so you can take care of your bathroom business.” I just glare at her shaking my head some more. I suspect what she was really doing is trying to hold it in until she got home. “Shame on you,” I tell Hope, “You’ve really got to learn to use the toilet when you need to.”
Getting to Hope’s punishment, it’s actually only her 2nd panty-soiling accident this school year, but the first one was at a soccer game last fall. Faithful readers of the TVPC surely know that’s more severe than just having an accident in school. She’s also got 2 violations for not using the girls’ room at soccer games (she was required to do this because of her accident at an earlier game) and she’s got 2 violations for leaving school grounds to use a bathroom somewhere else. She actually got 1,000 lines for her previous accident (because it was while representing the school), and I’d really like to give her another 1,000 times for this one. But TVPC rules won’t let me do that because it’s only her 2nd accident and it wasn’t while representing the school. But I do sentence her to write 500 times (the maximum allowed under the rules) of “I will not soil my panties in school again.” Hope also gets a week of detention, but once again under the rules I’m only able to give her regular detention and not the sitting on the toilet detention that she really deserves. She’s not at all happy with this unusually severe punishment and this time it’s Hope glaring at me. But wisely – No doubt realizing that I won’t hesitate to add another 500 lines for arguing – She holds her tongue.
As to Jennifer/”Moze” her only previous toilet violations this year are loitering in the girls’ room and squatting to urinate with the toilet seat down. I sentence her to write “I am very sorry for teasing another girl about her soiling accident” 200 times and to serve 2 days in detention. “I don’t care how bad a girl’s accident smells or how stupid it was of her to do it in the first place,” I lecture Moze, “At this school we simply do not tease other girls about their bathroom functions.” “Yes sir – I understand sir,” she tells me. “Next time, your punishment will be a lot worse,” I warn her.
My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of May 8, 2013.
As I open this afternoon’s session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC), I am pleased to welcome the very beautiful Miss Cooke, coach of our girls’ softball team. But Coach Cooke is not happy to be here at all, with 3 toilet violation cases (all 3 of them accidents) stemming from yesterday’s softball game at Westerburgh HS. “I hope you won’t be too hard on the girls,” Coach Cooke tells us, “I’ve seen bad bathroom facilities at softball fields before, but what they had at Westerburgh HS was the absolute worst.”
First up is Becca, a very pretty and athletic junior who is the starting Center Fielder. She is charged with messing in her panties. “I’m sorry, sir,” Becca tells me, “I know it’s disgusting to mess in my panties but like Coach Cooke said the bathroom there was just the absolute worst.” “Fortunately, I was able to hold in my pee, so at least I didn’t have to do that in my pants,” she points out, “But unfortunately, I just couldn’t hold it in the other way.” “I know it’s shameful to be going in my pants at my age – Especially while representing the school,” she goes on, “But I just couldn’t sit down and go in that disgusting bathroom.” “Bad bathrooms or not, you’re expected to use the toilet when you need to,” I tell her, in no uncertain terms. “You know very well it’s totally unacceptable to be messing in your panties like that anytime,” I explain, “And that goes double for when you’re representing the school on the softball team.” “Bad bathrooms are no excuse for having an accident,” I explain further, “I don’t care if it’s a port-o-potty or whatever, you still can’t be doing messes in your panties at softball games.”
“Yes sir, but it was more like whatever than a port-o-potty,” she tells me. “Port-o-pottys I can handle,” she explains, “I don’t like them but when you’re playing sports like I do, you have to get used to them.” “But this wasn’t even a port-o-potty, it was just a stinking outhouse,” she explains further, a look of disgust on her face, “This was just a run down bathroom shed that had a board with a hole in it.” “You had to squat over the hole in the board and your stuff just dropped down into a hole in the ground.” Coach Cooke is seen nodding her head in conformation of what Becca is telling us. “And they didn’t even have regular toilet paper in there,” Becca, continues, “They just had these little tissues that didn’t look like they could clean much if you really had a serious wiping job to do.” “I know were supposed to use whatever bathroom is available – I know we’re not supposed to go in our pants,” she adds, “But I just couldn’t do my stuff in there – I just couldn’t.”
Well, then I’m afraid that you’re just going to have to suffer the consequences,” I tell her, “And messing in your panties while representing the school definitely comes with some consequences.” I then ask Coach Cooke how bad Becca’s accident was. “Admittedly, it was kind of a bad one, sir,” the pretty Softball Coach tells me, “It was enough of a load that you could definitely see a bulge in the back of her pants.” “I guess she’s very lucky that we switched from white pants this year,” Coach Cooke adds.
“I’m sorry, sir,” the pretty, light-haired brunette says again, fighting back tears at that very vivid and obviously very embarrassing description of her soiling mess. “And it happened during the game itself?” I ask, “You weren’t even able to hold it in until you got back on the bus?” “No sir – I mean, yes sir, it happened during the game,” the slap-hitting Center-Fielder acknowledges, “It came out in my pants while I was on base in the last inning.” Under TVPC rules, it really doesn’t matter much – It’s considered an accident while representing the school even if it does only happen on the bus after the game. But as she didn’t even make it through the game holding it in, she pretty much knew she wasn’t going to be able to hold it in all the way home without having an accident.
But Coach Cooke once again pleads for some leniency on behalf of her Becca. “Really, Mr. Chairman – That bathroom was really bad,” Coach Cooke tells me, “I know it’s no excuse for hwe having an accident, but I just hope you’ll give that some consideration when determining her punishment.” But as I question Coach Cooke, I find that she used that bathroom herself and it wasn’t just to pee, either. “Well, if you could use it, I certainly expect your players to use it, too,” I tell the Coach, but obviously that was more intended for her players to hear. “I also want to mention that Becca did manage to hold it in and urinate in the toilet once we got back here,” the coach also points out, “I thought for a while she was going to wet her pants on the way home, but at least she didn’t do that.” “She couldn’t sit down because she had the mess all over her backside,” Coach Cooke explains “So she squatted over the toilet in the girls’ locker room and peed for what seemed like forever.” “I hope she lifted up the toilet seat first,” I remind the coach, as TVPC rules clearly state that when a girl squats to urinate (or defecate) she has to lift the toilet seat up first. “Yes she did,” the coach tells me. “I was watching her closely because I was worried she was going to get some of her mess on the toilet,” the coach explains, “But somehow she managed to urinate without making any mess at all.”
This is Becca’s second panty-soiling accident of the school year (the first happened in French class back in November) and she’s also got a violation for using profanity to refer to her bodily functions and one for clogging a toilet with a sanitary pad. For her punishment, she’ll have to write 500 times, “I will not soil my panties in school or at softball games again.” Then I giver her the choice of 2 weeks of toilet sitting during her study hall period or 1 week of toilet sitting in detention. She chooses the 2 weeks of doing it during her study hall. “And you’ll also be required to visit the girls’ room at all softball games for the rest of the school year,” I tell her, “And that certainly includes if the bathroom is just an outhouse like it was yesterday.”
Elaine (or “Lanie” for short), a cute, petite blonde and the starting Second Baseman on the team is the next softball player to face the TVPC today. She is charged with wetting her pants at the game.
“It was like Becca said,” Lanie tells us, “The bathroom there was the worst and I just didn’t want to use it.” “I tried really hard – I tried with all my might – To hold it,” she explains, “But it all started to leak out toward the end of the game.” “I know it’s no excuse – I know it’s my own fault I did it,” she explains further, “But I just couldn’t do it in that bathroom at the game.” “I even thought about ducking behind the outhouse shed and popping-a-squat back there – That actually seemed better than going in the outhouse,” she continues, “But there really wasn’t much cover back there – A lot of people would have seen me.” “Maybe I should have done that,” she reasons, “Maybe peeing back there would have been better than wetting my pants in front of everyone at the game.” “I don’t know – Would that have been better?” she asks, “I’m sure I would have been punished for doing that, too.”
“Indeed you would have been punished,” I tell her, “Popping-a-squat behind the outhouse building isn’t anymore acceptable than wetting your pants is.” “You can pop-a-squat if there’s nothing else available,” I point out, “But you can’t go outside if there’s an actual bathroom available.” “That’s a bathroom?” she asks, “A shack with a board with a hole in it is considered a bathroom?” “Indeed it is a bathroom,” I explain to her, “It’s an enclosed place where you can get some privacy and it has an opening that you can sit on and relieve yourself through.” “And they had toilet paper, too” I point out, “Maybe not the kind of toilet paper that you’d prefer, but certainly good enough to get the job done – Especially when you only needed to urinate.” “I’m sure it wasn’t the kind of bathroom you’d prefer,” I explain further, “But it’s certainly better than either squatting outside or wetting your pants.”
In considering Lanie’s punishment, I note that a wetting accident isn’t as serious as a soiling one, but Lanie has a thick file of previous offenses including 2 panty-wettings in school earlier this year. Accordingly, I also sentence her to a 500 times writing assignment. She’ll have to write, “I will not wet my pants in school or at softball games again” 500 times. She also gets both a week of detention and a week of her 4th period study hall sitting on the toilet in the girls’ locker room. Lanie looks at me wondering why it’s 500 times when 300 times is more common in a case where a girl merely wets herself. “The 500 times is because of all your other offenses,” I explain, “Wetting is indeed less serious than messing, but you’ve had 2 previous wetting violations in school and several other toilet violations as well.” I can’t say that she’s happy with that, but she seems she understands. Furthermore, she will also be required to visit the girls’ room at all softball games for the remainder of the school year.
Moving on to our third accident case (a panty-soiling) at yesterday’s softball game, I have to acknowledge that I’m a little confused. The accused is Carly, a bright, articulate, and multi-talented junior brunette. As I look over the Violation Report filed by Coach Cooke charging Carly with soiling her panties at the game, I’m not quite sure about something. While Carly may be talented in a lot of ways – She and her friend Sam do a web-based show on school affairs and she often sings and dances in school shows – I just can’t picture her on one of our school sports teams. But here she is charged with soiling in her panties at a softball game. “I didn’t realize that Carly was on the softball team,” I tell Coach Cooke. “Actually, Mr. Chairman, she isn’t on the team,” Coach Cooke answers. “Well then, I’m very confused,” I tell the young, pretty, and very enthusiastic softball coach. “You’re not the only one who is confused,” the beautiful and delightful Carly chimes in. “You’ve charged Carly with messing in her panties and doing so while representing the school at a softball game,” I explain to the Coach, “I think you need to explain how Carly can do that when she’s not even on the team.
Coach Cooke then explains that though Carly is not actually on the team, she was at the game yesterday. “I like softball and I have some friends on the team,” Carly chimes in, “I just went to the game as a spectator – I go to a lot of games.” “You didn’t just go to the game – You did something while you were there,” Coach Cooke continues, “And that something you did, you did in your pants.” “I’m not part of the team, I just went to the game as a fan,” Carly quickly answers back, obviously trying to avoid addressing Coach Cooke’s main point. “And while you were a fan at the game yesterday, you did mess in your pants, didn’t you?” she asks Carly, “DIDN’T YOU!?” Carly tries to avoid answering the – Obviously embarrassing – Question, but Coach Cooke persists in asking it. “Yes I did,” Carly eventually and reluctantly admits, “I did have a little accident at the game.” “I’d say it was more than just a little,” the coach fires back, “I’m surprised you didn’t split your pants with the load you had back there.” Carly doesn’t answer but I can tell by the embarrassed expression on her face that the coach’s vivid description of the pretty junior’s shameful panty-soiling accident is quite accurate.
But while Coach Cooke’s vivid description of yesterday’s accident may be accurate, it still begs the question as to why the matter is before the TVPC today. “I don’t understand how Carly can be considered to be representing the school at the game when she wasn’t even on the team,” I point out, “In fact, I don’t understand why you’d even be bringing a case against her at all since she was only there as a fan.” “Thank you!” Carly says, an undercurrent of sarcasm in her voice, “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell Miss Cooke but she just won’t listen.” “I don’t know what her problem is,” Carly adds. “Be careful, young lady,” I warn her, “Just because you can’t be charged for soiling your panties, doesn’t mean you can’t be charged for being disrespectful at a TVPC meeting.” “How’d you like 500 lines for that?” I ask her. “No thank you,” Carly answers respectfully.
“I don’t know why I can’t at least charge Carly with having an accident as a student, even if it’s not as a member of the soccer team,” Miss Cooke argues, “She really went in her panties a lot and I think she might have wet her pants a little bit, too.” Carly denies that she wet her pants as well – Claiming that she did use the outhouse for that. “Some of the mess leaked through the seat of my panties and into my jeans,” she explains, “That’s probably why my jeans looked a little wet in the seat.” Getting back to the subject at hand, Miss Cooke explains that Carly was at the game sitting in a section with lots of other students from our school. She also points out that she was wearing a sweatshirt in the school colors with the school name across the front and the school mascot logo on the back. “Carly was clearly presenting herself as a student at our school,” Miss Cooke argues, “And when she messed in her panties like that, everyone at the game could see that one of our students did that.” “She embarrassed our school as much as any of my players did,” she argues further, “Carly’s accident was actually even more visible to everyone than Lanie’s. She acknowledges that it probably wasn’t as noticeable as Becca’s, though.
Coach Cooke does make an interesting – and dare I say, inspired argument. It is, quite frankly, hard to argue that what Carly did at the game – Or rather what she didn’t do by refusing to go both ways in the outhouse – wasn’t shameful and deserving of a TVPC punishment. But TVPC rules are quite clear in this regard. “Carly wasn’t there in any official capacity either as a member of the team or even as a student at our school,” I explain to Coach Cooke and announce for the record, “She was simply there of her own volition as a softball friend and softball fan.” “Carly just wasn’t subject to TVPC jurisdiction while she was at the game,” I explain further, “And therefore she isn’t subject to a TVPC punishment for soiling her panties at the game.” Coach Coach is visibly disappointed at my ruling, but she’s just going to have to accept it. “Can we at least acknowledge that what Carly did at the game was shameful,” she asks?
“Shame on you, Carly,” I admonish the beautiful junior honor student, “I may not be able to punish you for this, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t shameful.” “It was very shameful – And quite disgusting as I understand it,” I admonish Carly further, “I’m really surprised at this kind of behavior from you.” “I hope you at least had to clean-out your panties when you got home,” I tell her. “Yes, sir – I did have to clean them out,” she acknowledges, “And I had to scrub out my panties, too.” “That was totally disgusting,” she tells us, “I never want to have to go through that again.” “Well, hopefully, this will be the last time,” I tell her, “Hopefully, you’ve at least learned something from this experience.”
For the next matter before the TVPC, I turn to Miss Johnson, an English teacher. She has 2 toilet violation cases to present this afternoon. Miss Johnson was monitoring the 4th period study hall today and apparently these 2 cases are drawn from something that happened there. Charged with toilet violations are Hope, a gorgeous junior blonde who is the star goalie on our girls’ soccer team and Jennifer (or “Moze” as she is known) a tall and pretty senior who is on our volleyball team.
“I have Hope charged with panty-soiling,” Miss Johnson reports, “And I have Moze – I mean, Jennifer – Charged with teasing her about it.” “Everything was pretty quiet at first in study hall today,” Miss Johnson reports further, “When all of a sudden there was this commotion from these 2.” “When I went over there to see what was going on, I could immediately smell the mess in Hope’s pants,” she explains, “And Jennifer was yelling at her, criticizing her, for doing it.” “Both of the girls already have writing assignments for disrupting the study hall,” the English teacher and study hall monitor adds.
Seeing the gorgeous Hope at the TVPC in soiled panties is certainly no surprise – She’s done this several times before, although it’s most often that she seems to do this at her soccer games. But to see the tall, pretty and very likeable “Moze” charged with “Bathroom-Related Teasing” surprises me very much. It’s certainly not the type of behavior that we’ve come to expect from her. Naturally, I ask her about this.
“I’m sorry, sir,” she says, “But I just couldn’t take it anymore.” “I have to sit right next to Hope in study hall,” Moze explains, “And you just wouldn’t believe how bad that mess she did smelled.” “I know we’re not supposed to say anything to girls who mess their panties, but I just couldn’t help myself,” Moze explains further, “It was just so stupid that she even messed her panties in the first place.” Moze goes on to explain that Hope was “cutting some really nasty farts” throughout the study hall – Obviously from needing to go to the girls’ room really bad, but trying to hold it in instead. “Hope was stinking out the place,” the generally well-spoken Moze tells us, “Obviously she was fighting to hold it in instead of going to the girls’ room like she should.” “I told Hope that she needed to ask for a pass to the girls’ room,” Moze explains, “But she just kept telling me that she didn’t have to go.” “I don’t know why she didn’t just go to the girls’ room and do it in the toilet – I don’t know what her problem was,” she goes on, “I don’t know how Hope could just sit there in study hall and proceed to mess in her panties.” “That’s just disgusting,” she adds, “And as bad as her farts smelled, this was like 10 times worse.”
“And I suppose you don’t think that yours stinks?” Hope asks Jennifer sarcastically. “I’m sure mine does,” Moze quickly fires back, “But at least I do mine in the toilet like I’m supposed to.” “I had to go today in study hall, too,” she goes on to explain, “And I got a girls’ room pass and went to the girls’ room to do it.” “I did mine in the toilet and then flushed it away,” she continues, “I didn’t do it in my pants so everyone else had to smell it all day.” “That’s the difference,” Moze adds adamantly.
“At least I don’t go and masturbate in the school girls’ room,” Hope fires back at Moze, “I wouldn’t be calling other people gross if you do that.” “And masturbating about Ned? – What’s up with that?” Hope continues derisively, “And you won’t even admit that you’ve got the hots for him.” “I don’t have the hots for Ned,” Moze fires back. “And that was over a year ago,” Moze tells Hope, “And I’d still rather do that than mess in my panties like a baby.” Moze was indeed caught last year masturbating in a school bathroom (actually, in a boys’ room), and Hope is probably right that Moze has the hots for Ned. After all, it was Ned that she was staring in the boys’ room when it happened. But all of that is besides the point here. “You’re already in enough trouble for messing in your panties, Hope,” I tell the soccer star, “You really don’t want to make it worse with a “Bathroom-Related Teasing’ charge.” “And you, Jennifer,” I tell Moze, “The last thing you need is a second ‘Bathroom-Related Teasing’ charge.” Both of them are smart girls and they wisely take my implicit advice to keep their mouths shut.
Turning to Hope, the utterly gorgeous soccer goalie, really has no explanation as to why she soiled her panties today. “I don’t know – I just did,” she says, “I just didn’t go to the girls’ room when I needed to.” I just glare at her, shaking my head. “I know you’ve got issues with using port-o-pottys at soccer games,” I lecture her, “But now you’re having problems using regular toilets in school, too?” “No sir – That’s not it,” she says, “I use the regular toilets in school all the time – Even for #2.” “I was just planning on using the girls’ room later,” she explains, “I was just trying to hold it in then so I could go in the toilet later.” It is, of course, a ludicrous explanation. “You had a study hall period, Hope,” I explain, a tinge of anger in my voice, “That’s the perfect time to get a pass to the girls’ room so you can take care of your bathroom business.” I just glare at her shaking my head some more. I suspect what she was really doing is trying to hold it in until she got home. “Shame on you,” I tell Hope, “You’ve really got to learn to use the toilet when you need to.”
Getting to Hope’s punishment, it’s actually only her 2nd panty-soiling accident this school year, but the first one was at a soccer game last fall. Faithful readers of the TVPC surely know that’s more severe than just having an accident in school. She’s also got 2 violations for not using the girls’ room at soccer games (she was required to do this because of her accident at an earlier game) and she’s got 2 violations for leaving school grounds to use a bathroom somewhere else. She actually got 1,000 lines for her previous accident (because it was while representing the school), and I’d really like to give her another 1,000 times for this one. But TVPC rules won’t let me do that because it’s only her 2nd accident and it wasn’t while representing the school. But I do sentence her to write 500 times (the maximum allowed under the rules) of “I will not soil my panties in school again.” Hope also gets a week of detention, but once again under the rules I’m only able to give her regular detention and not the sitting on the toilet detention that she really deserves. She’s not at all happy with this unusually severe punishment and this time it’s Hope glaring at me. But wisely – No doubt realizing that I won’t hesitate to add another 500 lines for arguing – She holds her tongue.
As to Jennifer/”Moze” her only previous toilet violations this year are loitering in the girls’ room and squatting to urinate with the toilet seat down. I sentence her to write “I am very sorry for teasing another girl about her soiling accident” 200 times and to serve 2 days in detention. “I don’t care how bad a girl’s accident smells or how stupid it was of her to do it in the first place,” I lecture Moze, “At this school we simply do not tease other girls about their bathroom functions.” “Yes sir – I understand sir,” she tells me. “Next time, your punishment will be a lot worse,” I warn her.
Imagine that softball players dropping softball sized loads in their panties! I suspect Miss Cook will be before the TVPC soon herself. Those coaches just can't make it all of the time and she has already started with those excuses. How is Grace doing?
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