Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

[Arnold Ziffel]

Welcome to a session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.

My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of May 29, 2013. .

The first matter before the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) this afternoon is from the girls’ softball team. It’s not a toilet violation case from yesterday or today, but rather it relates to a case from a week ago. It was a week ago when Amber, a tall, muscular junior, got herself a punishment writing assignment and has yet to hand it in. Faithful readers of the TVPC surely know that when a girl gets a punishment writing assignment, she has 1 week to hand it in. The due date being today, Amber is now being called before the TVPC to be given one last chance to hand it in on time.

“For your sake, I hope you have it done,” I tell the Amber, the starting Catcher on the team. “I’d hate to see you get the assignment doubled,” I tell her. “Yes sir, here it is,” she states, holding up a packet of paper, “I was up late last night getting it done.” “It’s the word ‘urinate’ 1,000 times,” she says, shaking her head, “It’s all pretty stupid if you ask me.” “Well, maybe next time you won’t refer to it as having to take a piss,” I tell her, “Maybe next time you’ll remember to say you have to urinate, instead.” “That’s the proper name for it, you know,” I explain. “I guess so, sir,” she says, “But no one calls it that.” “People call it mostly what I called it,” she argues, “It’s so stupid that I had to write it 1,000 times just because my coach heard me say it.” “No, young lady, you had to write it 1,000 because YOU said it,” I correct her. “You used profanity to refer to a bodily function and that’s a violation of TVPC rules,” I inform her, “And I made you write it 1,000 times because you did it while representing the school as a softball player.”

“Well, that’s just stupid, sir,” she says again, “It’s just stupid that I had to write that 1,000 times just for saying that word.” “Well, it wasn’t like you said it quietly or something,” Coach Cooke chimes in, “No sooner had we stepped off the bus, when you practically yelled ‘Where’s the bathroom – I gotta take a piss.’” “You could have just asked where the bathroom was,” her coach points out, “You didn’t have to tell everyone in the whole place that you needed to urinate.”

“Urinate!” Amber laughs sarcastically, “There’s that word again – It must be magic or something.” “Urinate! Urinate! Urinate!” she rants on, shaking her head, “Urinate! Urinate! Urinate! – Maybe I should just practice saying it.” “You’ve already practiced writing it 1,000 times,” I point out angrily, “And if you don’t watch your attitude you’re going to be writing it another 1,000 times.” With that she rolls her eyes at me. “Now get this straight, young lady,” I tell her, raising my voice, “Proper young ladies do not piss – Proper young ladies urinate.” “I must not be a proper young lady then,” she snaps back sarcastically, “Because I can’t remember the last time I called it that.”

“That’s it!” I yell at her, banging my gavel in anger. “You’ll write ‘Urinate’ another 1,000 times,” I tell her angrily, “And you’ll report back here 1 week from now to hand it in.” “And I strongly suggest that you keep your mouth shut, young lady,” I yell at her, banging my gavel again, “Because one more word out of your mouth and it’ll be 5,000 times instead.” Wisely, Amber then decides that she has nothing more to say. Unfortunately for her, that decision came just a little late. Before leaving, though, I make sure she hands in the 1,000 times she has now. “You have to write it ANOTHER 1,000 times,” I point out, “You’re not going to get away with handing in the same 1,000 times next week.”

The next matter before the TVPC this afternoon is another bit of committee business – A most unusual bit of committee business. It seems that early this morning someone anonymously left a little packet for the TVPC. “When I got here this morning, I found a thick packet of paper in our mailbox,” reports our TVPC clerk, “It was in a clasp envelope and it just said ‘TVPC’ on the front.” “When I opened it up, I got a big surprise,” he says with a smile. He then goes on to explain that in the envelope he found a thick packet of paper – Paper on which someone has written “I will not soil my panties in school or any other time again” 1,000 times. “Obviously, I collect a lot of punishment assignments from the girls,” he says, “But I don’t think I’ve ever gotten one anonymously like this.”

As I look over this punishment assignment, I must say that I’m impressed. It’s a thick packet of paper to be sure. With 1,000 times of this 2-line sentence, it fills the front and back of 40 sheets of paper. It’s also written meticulously neat with 13 sentences on the front of each sheet and 12 sentences on the back. “This is about the neatest punishment writing I’ve ever seen,” I note, “Whoever wrote this obviously spent quite a lot of time on it.” “I’d hate to think that the girl who wrote this isn’t going to get credit for doing it,” I point out.

And that brings us to the issue before the TVPC today. “Do we have any idea who the assignment belongs to?” I ask the TVPC clerk. He just shakes his head “no.” “I checked through the minutes of the meetings of the last 3 weeks and I checked the list of writing assignments due,” he says, “And I couldn’t find anything that matches that sentence.” “Nobody had to write that particular sentence,” he tells me, “It’s just not a sentence that you typically assign the girls.”

With that, I figure there’s only 1 thing left to try. Passing the writing around the room, I ask the assembled crowd, “Does anyone recognize the handwriting on this?” I give it time for assignment to get passed around the room. “Um-sir,” comes a voice from the detention section – A voice belonging to Clarissa, a bright and outspoken senior serving detention for flushing a tampon down the toilet. “It does really make any sense,” she says, “But it looks like Miss Cooke’s handwriting. “I was thinking the same thing,” reports Mallory, here today serving detention for a panty-soiling last week. The pretty and likeable brunette points out that the way the writing takes the full space in the line is very much how Miss Cooke writes. “That’s definitely Coach Cooke’s handwriting,” chimes in Olive, a cute and very smart blonde-haired freshman, who is also serving detention for panty-soiling, “I’d recognize that handwriting anywhere.”

Of course, all attention in the committee room then turns to the aforementioned Miss Cooke – A pretty, young teacher and coach of the Softball team. “Yes, I wrote it and left it in your mailbox,” she says, an obvious look of embarrassment on her face, “I deserved the punishment so I wrote the lines but I didn’t want anyone to know I did it.” “So what you are saying is that you had an accident?” I ask her, “And specifically, a panty-soiling accident.” “Yes sir,” the pretty teacher and coach explains, “It happened on the bus coming back from the softball game last Friday afternoon.” “I had to go at the game but I didn’t want to use the port-o-potty there,” Coach Cooke explains, “Someone had made a mess all over the toilet seat.” “I know it’s not an excuse – I know we just have to use whatever bathroom is available,” she explains further, “But that port-o-potty was just so disgusting with poop all over the toilet seat.” “I’ve never been more ashamed of myself as when I lost control and messed in my panties on the bus,” she says. “That was even more disgusting than it would have been using that port-o-potty,” she adds, “But, of course, I didn’t realize that when I had the chance to use the port-o-potty before.” Coach Cooke goes on to tell us that she did manage to hold in some of it, though. “I guess my mess wasn’t as bad as it could have been,” she tells us, “I did manage to do some of it in the toilet once we got back here.” “And I guess that’s why I didn’t get caught when it happened,” the Coach says, “I managed to get to the bathroom in the coach’s office and get myself cleaned up before anyone found out what I did.” “But just because I didn’t get caught doesn’t mean I didn’t do it,” she says, “I still messed myself and I did it while representing the school.”

“So you decided to issue yourself a punishment?” I ask her, “And you tried to do it anonymously?” “Yes sir – Mr. Chairman,” she answers. “Like I said, I had the accident and I knew that I deserved to be punished for it,” she then explains, “But I was still really embarrassed – I still didn’t want anyone to know what I’d done.” “So I figured I could just do the punishment myself and then hand it in anonymously,” she explains further, “That way I figured I could be punished but still no one would know that I’d had an accident in my panties.” “I didn’t mean to create a big issue like this,” Miss Cooke says, “I was just trying to do the right thing.” The pretty, young coach and teacher’s shame in all this is quite evident.

“Well, accidents do happen sometimes – Obviously, it’s really embarrassing but you’re certainly not the first coach that it’s ever happened to,” I tell Coach Cooke, “And I think it’s rather noble that you decided to step up and take responsibility for what you did.” “As I’m sure you know, the TVPC only has the power to punish female STUDENTS for their accidents,” I point out to her, “As a teacher and coach you really didn’t’ have to write this at all.”

“Yes, Mr. Chairman, I knew that,” she says, “But, like I said before, that just didn’t seem right.” “It just didn’t seem right that my girls could be punished for having an accident when I couldn’t,” she adds, “If my girls had to be punished for having an accident it only seemed right that I should be punished for having one, too.” “And you also decided to punish yourself quite severely,” I point out. “I mean, I know it was an accident while representing the school and we have to punish that more severely,” I point out, “But assuming that you’ve had no other accidents, your punishment would almost certainly have been only 500 times instead of the 1,000 that you wrote.” “Well, sir – I guess I was thinking it’s more severe when a teacher does it,” she explains, “I mean, it’s bad enough when a high school girl does it, but I think its far worse when one of their teachers has an accident.” “We’re supposed to set an example for our students,” she adds, “And messing in my panties because I didn’t want to go in a port-o-potty sets a very poor example.”

That’s a noble sentiment and I once again commend our lovely Softball coach for doing what she did – I mean, I commend her for writing the 1,000 times not for having the accident in the first place. But I also point out that writing punishment isn’t the only punishment what panty-soilers typically get. “In addition to the writing assignment, panty-soilers typically get detention,” I point out, “And a panty-soiling while representing the school typically gets a girl detention time sitting on the toilet.” “I mean, if you really want to take full responsibility for your accident, it only seems right that you take the full punishment,” I tell her. After some consideration, Coach Cooke agrees – She’s not happy at the prospect of toilet sitting punishment (in a student girls’ room, of course), but, once again, she knows it’s the right thing to do. She’s probably thinking that already having gone so far as to write 1,000 long and tedious punishment sentences, she might as well do this, too, and keep her conscience clear. I do allow her the caveat of serving her toilet sitting detention on days when she doesn’t have a softball game to coach and I offer the choice of girls’ rooms (student girls’ rooms!) to do her sitting punishment in. “I guess I’ll do it in the girls’ room down near the gym,” she says, “I guess that’s as good a place as any.”

The next girl to face the TVPC this afternoon is Lisa, a shy, bookish, but actually quite pretty sophomore. She is charged this afternoon with soiling her panties and she’s got a big bulge in the back of her jeans that proves that. But as I read the Violation Report filed by Miss Defequer in this case, I see that Lisa is charged with soiling her panties on purpose. Faithful readers of the TVPC surely know that a girl soiling her panties on purpose is a more serious violation than when a girl merely has an accident. But faithful readers of the TVPC also know that intentionally soiling (or even intentionally wetting) is a very difficult charge to prove. As I noted, Lisa’s messed panties are readily obvious, but how do we know that she did it on purpose? As long as a girl puts up any resistance to the bowel movement coming out in her panties, it’s only an accident and not intentional as far as the TVPC is concerned.

“She did it on purpose – She definitely did it on purpose,” states Miss Defequer, our French teacher emphatically, “She deserves the extra punishment for messing intentionally.” “That’s just disgusting, Lisa,” she admonishes the pretty, blonde sophomore, “How can you just go in your pants like that.” “What’s wrong with you?” she asks Lisa, “How can a girl your age just stand there and mess herself like that?”

But, not surprisingly, Lisa tells a different story. “It was just an accident,” Lisa asserts, “I mean, obviously I did mess myself but I certainly didn’t do it on purpose.” “I admit it was my own fault – I admit that I didn’t go to the girls’ room when I should have,” the sophomore continues, “I was definitely trying to hold it in when it happened.” “I just didn’t want to go in the school bathrooms,” she says, “You know how much I hate to go poop at school.” “I was trying to hold it in so I could go at home,” Lisa explains, “I certainly didn’t want to have this load in my panties.” “But I just couldn’t hold it in long enough,” she explains further, “But just because I couldn’t hold it in long enough doesn’t mean that I did it on purpose.” Her good friend Tessa is here to support her and she backs up Lisa’s story. “Its true sir – Lisa really doesn’t like to do bowel movements at school,” Tessa tells us. “I’ve been trying to get her to do it in the girls’ room when she needs to and sometimes she does,” Tessa continues, “But today she had an accident instead – It was just one of those days.”

Miss Defequer is left just shaking her head at the toilet-troubled girl’s explanation. “It was only 4th period and already you had a mess in your panties,” her French teacher tells Lisa, “And you’re telling me that you were trying to hold it in until you got home from school.” “Well, I guess you didn’t quite make it,” Miss Defequer mocks Lisa. With that, Lisa just gives her teacher a dirty look. She knows she doesn’t have to argue the point because the TVPC rules are on her side. It doesn’t matter that Lisa pretty much knew she wasn’t going to be able to hold it in long enough to get home. As long as Lisa tried at all to hold it in, it’s just an accident. As long as Lisa didn’t actually push the bowel movement out into her panties or at least let it come out without any resistance, she can’t be punished for doing it intentionally.

But just as I’m about to find Lisa guilty only of having a panty-soiling ACCIDENT, Miss Defequer has a surprise for me. “If you really were trying to hold it in like you said, maybe you can explain to Mr. Ziffel what you were doing standing in the stairwell before,” she tells Lisa. But the pretty, blonde-haired sophomore just looks at her teacher puzzled. “Well, that’s where your accident happened – In the stairwell – Wasn’t it?” she asks Lisa, “You were standing alone in the stairwell when she actually messed in your pants, weren’t you?” “I guess so,” Lisa answers, now suddenly looking a bit worried. “Well, maybe you can tell Mr. Ziffel what you were doing in the stairwell in the first place,” Miss Defequer continues. She goes on to tell us that Lisa was seen going down into the stairwell by herself and then assuming a sort of half-standing/half-squatting position. “It’s kind of funny how you just happened to have the accident while you were squatting there in the stairwell,” she continues at Lisa, “That’s kind of an amazing coincidence, isn’t it?” With that, Lisa looks about ready to panic.

Warning her first of the consequences for lying, I demand an answer from Lisa. As she breaks down crying, Lisa now starts to tell a different story. “All right – I did it on purpose,” she admits, as the tears really start to fall, “I wasn’t really trying to hold it in like I said.” “But that’s only because I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to hold it in,” she explains, “I know I wasn’t going to be able to hold it in until I got home.” “It wasn’t like I wanted to have a mess in my panties – I really hate that,” she says, “It’s just that I had to go so bad I knew I wasn’t going to be able to make it home without having an accident.” As I question Lisa further, she tells me that she had to go starting in 1st period this morning and she could tell that it was going to be a lot. “I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold it in and go in the toilet at home like I always want to do,” Lisa tells me, “I knew it was going to end up being an accident, no matter how hard I tried to hold it in.” “And when you’re trying to fight it really hard to hold it in, it usually makes a really bad mess when it comes out anyway,” Lisa explains, “It really does make a less of mess if you don’t fight it.” “It makes a lot less of a mess if you just let it come out naturally,” she explains further, “So I just let it out so I’d have less of a mess to clean up later at home.”

While the rest of the committee room reacts in surprise to what Lisa is telling us, my own reaction is simply outrage. Even her best friend Tessa looks disgusted at what Lisa did. “It doesn’t make any mess at all if you just do it in the toilet like you’re supposed to!” I yell at Lisa, “Using the toilet is what you should be doing if you’re really concerned about the messes in your panties.” “Yes, sir – I know going in the toilet is the best thing,” Lisa answers, “But you know how I hate doing that in school.” “You know I would have held it in if I could,” she says, “But I knew that I just couldn’t.” “I really didn’t want to do the mess in my panties – I know it’s disgusting,” she says, “But I just couldn’t wait until I got home.” “My mom makes me clean up my messes at home when I have accidents,” she adds, “And I was just trying to prevent the mess from being that bad.”

“I don’t care if you like using the toilet at school or not!” I yell at Lisa some more, “It’s what you have to do when you need to have a bowel movement at school – Especially when you know you’re not going to be able to hold it in long enough.” “And to just let it out in your panties on purpose is a disgrace,” I tell her, “How can a girl your age just squat down and let it out in her panties like that.” “I don’t care that it makes the mess easier to clean up,” I lecture her. “It should be hard to clean yourself up when you mess in your panties,” I point out, “That’s why most girls you age go in the toilet when they need to.” “Like I said before, you don’t have ANY mess to clean up when you do it that way.” “That’s just really gross, Lisa,” Tessa chimes in disapprovingly.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

“Obviously, you’re guilty of messing in your panties on purpose,” I tell Lisa and note for the record, “And your punishment will surely reflect that.” Lisa lets out an audible groan because she knows she’s not going to like what’s coming next. Looking at Lisa’s toilet record, I see that I assigned her 1,000 sentences for her last offense – A panty-soiling accident back in late March. I remind her of that and she lets out an audible groan again. “I guess I’m going to have to write another thousand times?” she asks. “Well, I certainly don’t see any reason to give you a LESSER punishment this time,” I tell her. “Admittedly, it was quite a severe punishment last time for a 3rd panty-soiling offense,” I acknowledge, “But it doesn’t seem to have worked very well since you’re right back here in soiled panties again.”

“So, Lisa, your punishment for an accident this time is indeed going to be another 1,000 times,” I tell her, “You’ll write, ‘I will not soil my panties in school again’ like you usually do.” “And it’s also going to be a full week of toilet sitting detention,” I tell her further, “You’ll sit your time on a toilet in the girls’ room in Main Corridor.” Lisa doesn’t seem too happy but she doesn’t seem all that upset, either – I think that punishment was about what she expected. But just as Lisa turns to leave the podium, I stop her. “Um – That was your ACCIDENT punishment,” I tell Lisa, “But as we all know, this was no accident.” Lisa then just stares at me puzzled. “Since you went in your panties on purpose, you’ll have to do double the punishment,” I tell the blonde-haired sophomore beauty. “You’re actually going to have to write 2,000 sentences for this,” I explain, “And you’re going to sit 2 weeks detention on the toilet.” Understandably, Lisa is pretty upset at that. As noted, she’s written 1,000 times before and was probably expecting to have to do that again. But 2,000 times is a different story. One thousand times was bad enough, but the thought of having to write something 2,000 times is downright horrifying. She begs me to reconsider, but I remain firm. “You messed in your panties on purpose,” I remind her, “You’re lucky I’m not making your punishment even worse.”

Pleading her case some more (adamantly and with the tears flowing freely), she again argues how just letting it out in her panties on purpose makes for a lesser mess than having an accident while trying to hold it in. “I don’t want to hear it,” I tell her, in no uncertain terms, “Its absolutely disgusting and an utter disgrace to mess in your panties on purpose.” “If you don’t know it already, you’re certainly going to learn it now,” I explain angrily, “That is something that the TVPC is certainly not going to tolerate.” “You need to start doing your bowel movements in the toilet, young lady – Especially at school,” I lecture Lisa, “Going in your panties at school and then cleaning it up at home is no longer going to be an option for you.”

With that, I have some more bad news for the mousey and toilet-troubled sophomore beauty. “Miss Defequer will now escort you down the hall to the girls’ room,” I tell Lisa, “And in there you will proceed to clean up your mess.” “You will first take the toilet paper and clean the mess from your backside,” I explain, “And then you’ll proceed to clean out your panties.” “You’ll first dump out the worst of the load in the toilet and shake them out in the toilet as best you can,” I continue, “And then you’ll take them to the sink and scrub them spotlessly clean.” “And you’d better get those panties as clean as possible,” I explain further, “Because you’re going to have to wear them to school tomorrow.” Hearing that, Lisa is even more horrified than before. Having to write 2,000 times is bad enough, but to her, this is even worse. She starts to argue again, but I put up my hand to stop her. “You said it yourself, young lady,” I remind her sarcastically, “Since you let it out in your panties on purpose, the mess shouldn’t be so bad to clean up.” But the poor girl suddenly sings a different tune. “I didn’t say the mess wouldn’t be bad to clean up – A mess in my panties is always bad to clean up,” Lisa says, through a river of tears, “I just meant that it’s a little easier if you’re not fighting it when it’s coming out.” “But having to clean it up at school is the worst of all,” she tells me before totaling breaking down, sobbing into her hands.

Pausing for a moment to let it sink in, I have one more message for Lisa. “Yes, cleaning it up at school is the worst of all,” I explain to the sobbing girl, “So now, perhaps after learning your lesson the hard way, you’ll learn to go in the girls’ room when you should.” “Take this as a warning, young lady,” I warn her, “From now on, all your panty-soiling messes will be cleaned up at school – And that goes for whether you do it on purpose or not.” “Messing in your panties in school and then cleaning it all up at home is no longer an option,” I warn her further, “From now on, when you mess in your panties at school, you’ll be cleaning it up right here in school.” With that, Miss Defequer taps a distraught Lisa on the shoulder and leads her out the door and down the hall to the 2nd Floor girls’ room where Lisa’s dirty job awaits.

I just hope that this teaches her the lesson she needs. She can handle her bowel movements the easy way by just doing them in the toilet directly or she can do it the hard way by cleaning up the mess after she goes in her pants. Either way, though, Lisa bowel movements are going to end up in the toilet.

The next girl to face the TVPC this afternoon is Gwen, a tall blonde with glasses. She’s not only facing a charge of panty-soiling – And it’s her 6th offense on that – But a charge of failing to report to the TVPC as assigned. Gwen’s panty-soiling is not from today but yesterday and, as the 2nd charge implies, didn’t show up at the TVPC meeting yesterday to face her punishment. Needless to say, that will only make the punishment worse for the junior beauty.

According to the Violation Report filed yesterday by Miss Spellman, Gwen messed in her panties in 6th period Geometry class yesterday. And, also according to the Violation Report, she did it without even asking for a pass to the girls’ room. None of this comes as any surprise to me – As noted, she has 5 previous violations this school year for messing in her panties and one of those was a doubleheader. She also has 2 violations for Sneaking into a Faculty Bathroom to have a Bowel Movement and 1 violation each for Loitering in the Girls’ Room and Leaving School Grounds at Lunchtime to Use the Bathroom somewhere else. It would seem that Gwen simply does not do bowel movements in school – At least not in the toilet. If she can hold it in until she gets home, everything is alright – except maybe for some discomfort holding it in, I guess. But if she can’t manage to hold it in that long, it simply comes out in her panties. So, as I noted, seeing her here having soiled her panties is not surprising at all.

What does surprise me, though, is her having skipped out on yesterday’s TVPC session. That surprises me a lot. “I’m surprised at you, Gwen,” I tell her, “I’d certainly have thought you’d be smarter than this.” “You’ve been before the TVPC many times before – You know the rules,” I explain to her, “You know that skipping out on the TVPC only makes your punishment worse.” “With a toilet record like yours you were in enough trouble already for your accident,” I lecture her, “You really didn’t need the extra punishment that you’re going to get now.”

“I’m sorry sir – But I was just so ashamed for myself for having another accident,” she says as the tears flow freely down both cheeks. “I know I’ve made it worse on myself, but I just didn’t want to face the TVPC yesterday,” she explains, “I was just so ashamed.” “I just couldn’t stand the idea of facing the TVPC in soiled panties again,” she explains further, “I just wanted to get myself home and get everything all cleaned up.”

“Exactly!” says Mrs. Crabtree, a member of the TVPC, “You wanted to clean it all up at home.” “The last thing you wanted was having to clean up your mess in the girls’ room at school,” she tells the quiet and pretty honor student, “You didn’t want to come and face the TVPC yesterday because you know that this time you were going down the hall to the girls’ room to clean up your mess in there.” Gwen just gives the committee a sad, bewildered look. She’s not really outright denying that what Mrs. Crabtree is saying is true, but she is deliberately trying to make us infer something else. She’s pretending that she just doesn’t know what Mrs. Crabtree is talking about. “Come on now, Gwen – Don’t make it even worse by lying now,” I chime in. “You knew very well that you were going to have to clean it up in the girls’ room this time,” I tell her, “You know that that’s what usually happens when it’s a 6th offense and I even warned you of that the last time we had you here in soiled panties.” “You skipped out yesterday because you just couldn’t stand the idea of having to clean it all up in the girls’ room,” I lecture her, “You could handle the writing of lines, the detentions and even the toilet sitting detentions, but you just couldn’t handle the idea of having to clean up the mess in school.” With that, I just glare at her, waiting for confirmation of what I said. At first, she just stands there scared and trembling, not really sure what to say now.

But eventually, she just breaks down crying. “You know how I can’t stand going #2 in the school toilets,” she says, “I don’t know what I’d do if I had to clean up myself and my panties in there.” “What you’d do is clean up your mess as you were told to do,” I tell her angrily, “It would be your punishment and you’d just have to do it.” “And it would be well deserved, too,” I point out, “One or two accidents is one thing but this is your 6th time this year.” “When girls have as many accidents as you’ve had, we give them a choice,” I explain, “They can either go to the girls’ room and do their bowel movements directly into the toilet or they can clean it out of their underwear later.” “Either way, your bowel movements are going to wind up in the toilet, young lady,” I explain further, “You can do it the easy way or you can just clean up the mess in the girls’ room later.” “The choice is completely up to you,” I add, “But most girls eventually learn their lesson and start using the toilet.”

Unfortunately, though, Gwen has managed to avoid all that by skipping out on the TVPC yesterday and cleaning up herself and her messy panties presumably in her private bathroom at home. I can punish her extra for doing that (and believe me, I will), but I just can’t make her clean up her accident in the girls’ room. I’m very angry about that – After 6 times messing in her panties, having to clean it up in school is a punishment she so richly deserves. But I’ll just have to deal with that.

Moving on to the toilet troubled girl’s punishment, I’ll deal with the panty-soiling violation first. I first sentence her to write “I will not soil my panties in school again” 1,000 times. Then I give her 2 weeks of detention and 2 weeks of her 4th period study hall sitting on a toilet in the 2nd Floor girls’ room. That’s all well and good, but, as I noted, I can’t send her down the hall to the girls’ room and make her clean up her mess. Next, I issue her the punishment for skipping out on the TVPC meeting yesterday. “For that, you’re going to write another 1,000 times,” I tell her, “And it’s going to be a long sentence, to boot.” Specifically, she’ll have to write, “I will not skip meetings of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee when I’m required to appear” 1,000 times. And I add a week of detention on top of that.

But as bad as her punishment is, I’m not quite done yet. “Obviously, Gwen, you’ve got no mess now for you to clean up in the girls’ room,” I point out to her, “Even though that’s the punishment you so richly deserve.” “But no way are you just going to get away with no punishment in lieu of that,” I tell her, “So that’s going to be yet another 1,000 times,” I explain and note for the record.” “For this, you’ll write, ‘Cleaning up myself and my messy panties in the girls’ room is a very unpleasant task’ 1,000 times,” I sentence her, “It won’t be as dirty a punishment as cleaning up your mess would have been, but at least it will take you a whole lot longer to finish it.”

Now, with 3 separate 1,000 times punishment assignments to write (as well as 3 weeks of detention and 2 weeks of study halls sitting on the toilet), Gwen is left almost speechless. She does manage to ask about the writing assignments and when they are due. It would serve her right if I let all 3 assignments be due in 1 week, but I think that would be a little much even in a case like this. “The first 2 assignments I gave you will be due in 1 week,” I tell her, “But I’ll let you have a second week to do the 3rd one.” She suggests that she be allowed to do them over 3 weeks – One assignment each week for 3 weeks. “You heard me – It’s 2 assignments the first week and the 3rd one in 2 weeks,” I tell her, “And you’re darn lucky I’m even allowing you that.” “And one more thing, Gwen,” I warn her sternly, “The next time you skip out on a mess cleaning punishment like this, you’re going on toilet suspension and you’ll clean it up in the girls’ room after school each day.” Judging by the look of dread on Gwen’s face, I think she gets my warning. Whether or not she actually heeds it, we’ll have to see.

Another frequent panty-soiling offender is Avery, a cute but too skinny freshman blonde. She’s doing well in the classroom and with her DOG WITH A BLOG column in the school newspaper, but she’s really had problems handling her bodily functions in the school bathrooms. It was just 1 week ago today that the shy but likeable Avery suffered through a mess cleaning punishment in the girls’ room – A consequences of her 6th panty-soiling offense of the school year that day. She’s also got 1,000 lines of punishment writing to do for that as well as 2 weeks of after-school toilet sitting detention and an additional 500 times to write for lying about her accident.

Today, though, Avery did have a bowel movement at school. Unfortunately, the bathroom that she did it in was in the librarian’s office – A faculty/staff bathroom that is strictly off-limits to students.

“At least she didn’t mess in her panties this time,” reports Miss Sherwood, an English teacher. She caught Avery coming out of that faculty bathroom after she had done her business in there. “Obviously, I can’t condone what she did – Avery’s a smart girl and she knows students aren’t allowed to use that bathroom,” Miss Sherwood offers, “But I can certainly understand why she would want to go in there.” “That’s really a nice bathroom – Especially when it comes to privacy,” the English teacher explains, “I went there to do the same thing as Avery – That’s the bathroom that I always use when I have to do more than just urinate.” “The difference is that you’re a teacher and you’re allowed to use that bathroom,” I quickly point out to her, “Avery is a student and she needs to be using the student girls’ rooms.” Avery nods her head indicating that she understands that, but somehow between all her accidents, twice sneaking out at lunchtime to use a different bathroom, and now this, she doesn’t seem to do that – At least, not when it comes to her bowel movements. “It’s one thing to prefer to use one bathroom instead of another bathroom,” I further address the pretty, well-dressed English teacher, “It’s another thing entirely to do what Avery does.” “Its fine that you like that particular bathroom and that you use it when that particular need arises,” I explain.” “But what would you do if that bathroom suddenly became unavailable?” I ask her, “You wouldn’t suddenly start messing in your panties if you couldn’t use it, would you?” “No sir – I would use a different bathroom if I had to,” she says, “I would never go in my panties if I could help it – That’s just gross!”

“I just don’t like doing everything I need to do in the girls’ room, sir,” Avery tells me, “It’s nothing personal about your bathrooms, sir, but I just like my privacy when I need to do my #2’s.” “It’s not just the bathroom here, I don’t like using any public bathrooms for that,” the articulate honor student explains, “I only like to do that in my own bathroom at home for the privacy.” “But that bathroom in the library has privacy, too,” Avery explains further, “I can just go in there myself, lock the door, and it’s almost like going in my bathroom at home.” “Please sir,” Avery pleads, “If I could just use that bathroom all the time, I wouldn’t be messing in my panties in school anymore.” “Please sir!” Avery begs me some more, “I can go urinate in the girls’ room – I just need that other bathroom when I have to do more than that.” “Please sir – I just don’t want to mess in my panties anymore,” she tells me, the desperation evident in her eyes.

“And you don’t want to be cleaning up your mess in school anymore,” I suggest to her, “I suspect that wasn’t a pleasant experience for you last time.” Just being reminded of that brings tears to the poor girl’s eyes. “I don’t want to have to do that again – It was just gross,” she tells me, as the tears really flow, “That’s why I went in the librarian’s bathroom.” “I just couldn’t stand having to do that again,” Avery explains, “Cleaning up myself and cleaning out my panties in the girls’ room was just awful.” “I don’t ever want to have to do that again – That’s why I went in that toilet instead,” she adds, “I just didn’t want to mess in my panties again – I knew what was going to happen if I did.”

It’s hard not to feel sympathy for this sweet but toilet-troubled freshman, but I have to remain firm. “It’s all well and good that you don’t want to mess in your panties again,” I lecture her, “Obviously, having to clean up your mess in the girls’ room made an impression on you and that’s good.” But using a faculty bathroom is definitely not the way to avoid having accidents,” I continue, “They way you avoid messing in your panties is to go to the girls’ room when you need to and do your bowel movements in there.” Once again, I note that Avery is nodding her head “yes” – This time with tears freely flowing. I suspect that the only time Avery’s actually done a bowel movement in a girls’ room toilet is when she was on toilet sitting detention there and just couldn’t help it.

For punishment, I sentence Avery to another week of toilet sitting detention and to write “I will not use a faculty and staff bathroom again” 1,000 times. With that punishment, Avery certainly has no reason to stop crying now. Admittedly, it’s a more severe punishment than a girl usually gets for a first offense of using a faculty bathroom, but given Avery’s shameful toilet record, she clearly deserves it. “If you had messed in your panties instead you’d probably be writing your 1,000 lines on the blackboard in detention,” I tell her when she questions the severity of her punishment, “Writing 1,000 times on paper is a lot easier on your arms.” “And at least with going in a faculty bathroom, you don’t have a mess in your panties to deal with,” I tell her, “Not to mention the task of having to clean it up in the girls’ room after school.” Still, she begs me to reconsider the severity of her writing assignment. “Please sir – 1,000 times is a lot of writing to do,” she pleads, “I haven’t even finished my sentences from last week.” But I remain firm in sentencing her. “You simply have got to learn your lesson here, Avery,” I tell her, “Using a faculty bathroom is simply not an alternative to going in your pants.” “I’m afraid, young lady, that your punishment is 1,000 times and you’re just going to have to do it.”

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Before dismissing Avery – Well, before sending her to the girls’ room to continue her toilet sitting punishment for her accident last week – I have another matter with her to deal with. As Avery just indicated in our prior matter, she still has some writing punishment that she owes us. She has handed in the 500 times writing assignment that she got for lying about her accident, but we have yet to receive the 1,000 times punishment assignment she got for the panty-soiling itself. “I’m afraid, Avery, that your punishment assignment is due today,” I tell her, “For your sake, I hope you’ve finished it by now.”

“That was a lot of writing to do – I just couldn’t finish it all yet,” she says, “I did get most of it done, but just not all of it.” “That extra 500 that I had to do was a long assignment, too,” she explains, “That took me 3 days to finish so I got a late start on the 1,000 times assignment.” “And I just couldn’t finish it on time, I’m sorry,” she adds. Of course, I ask her to hand in what she’s done so far. Fortunately for her, she has completed 850 of the 1,000 sentences that are due today. “That’s 150 times not done, so that makes it 300 sentences that you owe us now,” I tell her, and announce for the record, “Those are due 1 week along with the 1,000 times punishment you got today.” I guess that’s not as bad as it could have been for Avery, but certainly she’s got a lot of work to do in the next week. “I suggest that you do the first assignment – the 300 you still owe us for the panty-soiling last week – first,” I suggest, “Make sure you at least get that one done this week or I have to put you on toilet suspension this time until you finish it.” “The 1,000 times can wait if you can’t get it all done,” I point out.

Before closing this afternoon’s session of the TVPC, I call to the podium Mrs. Dunphy, a blonde-haired beauty and mom to 2 girls at our school. In many ways, hers is a typical MODERN FAMILY. I saw Mrs. Dunphy and her oldest daughter Haley enter the committee room during our last case and she has asked to address the TVPC. It’s always interesting when a parent, especially one as beautiful as Mrs. Dunphy, comes to address the TVPC. In cases like these, you never really know how they are going to turn out. Haley, an utterly gorgeous senior beauty, doesn’t look happy so I’m assuming that the case is going to be about her.

“She did it again, Mr. Ziffel,” Mrs. Dunphy tells me, the anger evident in her voice, “My daughter Haley messed in her panties yet again.” “How many is that now, Haley?” she screams at her daughter, “You’re a senior in high school and still you can’t manage to use the toilet when you need to.” The very pretty but academically-underachieving senior (this is actually her 2nd year as a senior), doesn’t answer her mother’s question. But a check of Haley’s school toilet record shows that this would be 4th panty-soiling accident of the school year. “When are you going to learn, Haley?” her mother screams at her, “What do I have to do so you’ll use the bathroom in school when you need to?” “I’m really sick and tired of these accidents, Haley,” she continues the lecture, “I’m sick of tired of you having soiled panties at your age.” The usually easy-going Haley looks about ready to explode, but she instead just looks down at the floor in shame.

Mrs. Dunphy tells us that when she got home from grocery shopping a little while ago, she got a most unpleasant surprise. “Haley was already home from school and she was sitting on the couch talking on the phone,” the blonde-haired beauty tells us, “So I went upstairs myself to put away some supplies in the bathroom that Haley shares with her sister Alex.” “It was there that I saw a pair of Haley’s panties drying on a heating vent,” she continues, “Obviously, she had just cleaned those panties out and put them there on the vent to dry.” Mrs. Dunphy holds up the pretty yellow bikini panties for us to see, but since Haley has apparently already cleaned them out, there really isn’t much to see. “I guess she really didn’t expect me to be home so soon,” she says, addressing Haley more so than me, “Or maybe she just got distracted and forgot about her panties being there.” “Don’t you ever get tired of cleaning out messy panties?” Mrs. Dunphy asks Haley, “I’d think that after a while you’d get sick and tired of that and just use the toilet instead.” Once again, Haley looks about ready to explode in anger, but she once again holds her tongue.

Now turning to Haley, I ask her what happened today. The pretty but accident-prone brunette readily admits to messing in her panties and cleaning them out (as well as cleaning herself) before her mom got home. I note, though, that Haley is a bit vague about when the accident actually happened. “I got lucky that mom wasn’t home yet when I got home from school,” she says, “So I quickly went upstairs, did the rest of it in the toilet and quickly got everything all cleaned up.” “But the phone rang just as I was rinsing out my panties,” Haley explains, “So I just quickly put my panties on the vent to dry and went to answer the phone.” “I wasn’t going to leave them there, but then I got to talking a while on the phone,” she admits, “And then mom came home and found the panties drying there.” All that’s interesting, but the real question is when the accident actually happened. If the accident didn’t happen until after Haley left school grounds and was on her way home – Or if she says it didn’t happen until then – It wouldn’t be a matter for the TVPC at all. She’d still be facing her mom’s wrath, of course, but unless we have some evidence that Haley actually went in her panties in school, she won’t be getting a TVPC punishment.

Fortunately for us, Haley really isn’t a good liar – Or perhaps she doesn’t want to risk the extra punishment she’d get if she were caught in a lie. “It happened in English class last period,” Haley admits when I press her for the details, “A lot more of it did come out on my way home from school, but it did start coming out in English class.” “I guess because it wasn’t so bad right away that I didn’t get caught in school,” she continues, “So I got out of here in a hurry and made it home without getting caught.” Mrs. Dunphy is not pleased with that explanation. “Of course, you never thought to get a pass from your teacher and go to the girls’ room?” she asks her daughter, “Of course, it never occurs to you that you should go do it in the toilet instead of your pants?” But Haley argues back that she never intended to go in her pants. “I was trying to hold it in until I got home – I only had a little while to go,” the senior beauty explains, “But suddenly I just lost control a little bit and did some of it in my pants.” “And then you still wouldn’t use the girls’ room at school and you did the rest of it in your pants on the way home,” her mom yells back, “And then you tried to hide it from me by cleaning yourself up before I got home.”

“Look – I had an accident – O.K.” Haley fires back at her mom, the anger evident in the young girl’s voice, “You don’t have to get all crazy about it.” “You didn’t have to scream like that when you found my panties,” Haley tells her mom, “I could hear you screaming all the way downstairs.” “I’m sorry I did it, but it was only an accident – O.K.” she continues, “I made the mess and I cleaned up the mess – O.K.” “Well, you’re grounded for 3 weeks – O.K.” Mrs. Dunphy lectures her daughter, “It’s more than just an accident, it’s disgusting – O.K.” “I can’t believe that you’re still messing in your panties at your age,” she continues, “For a 5 year old it’s just an accident – For someone your age it’s a disgrace.”

That’s finally enough to set off Haley. “Talk about ME being a disgrace, what about YOU!” Haley yells back at her mom, “You can’t believe me doing it at my age, what about YOU doing it at YOUR age.” Mrs. Dunphy quickly tries to stop her daughter, but Haley just rages on. “Don’t you think that I know about the accidents that you’ve had,” Haley goes on, “You yell at me for messing in my panties but what about when you mess in yours.” Mrs. Dunphy then admits to having some accidents in high school, but she tries to explain it away. “The bathrooms didn’t have doors on the stalls when I was in high school,” she tells Haley, “You can’t really blame me for not wanting to go at school.” “I wasn’t the only girl who wouldn’t go #2 in my high school,” she adds. “Yeah Right!” Haley argues back sarcastically, “You’re only saying it’s different because it happened to you instead.” “You’re such a hypocrite, mom,” she goes on, “That sure as hell wouldn’t be an excuse if that was me messing in my panties instead of you.”

“And I’m not even talking about you doing it in high school anyway,” Haley yells at her mom, “I’m talking about you messing in your panties these days.” Once again, Mrs. Dunphy again tries to stop her daughter – This time seeming quite a bit more desperate. “You’re already grounded,” she reminds Haley, “Do you want to get confined to your room, too?” But once again Haley seems to have had enough and is too angry at her mom to care. “Do you really think I don’t know about you messing your panties on Parents’ Night this year?” Haley lectures her mom, “Or when you did it at Alex’s Math competition in January or at last spring’s Music show.” “Obviously, I’m not the only one who doesn’t like going #2 in the bathroom here,” Haley continues. “That’s it! – You’re in your room, Haley!” Mrs. Dunphy, obviously quite embarrassed, yells at her daughter, “And that’s no computer or cell phone for those 3 weeks, too.”

But Haley continues, unfazed. “And lets not forget about last year’s Christmas show,” Haley goes on, “Did you really think I don’t know that that was you?” “You’d better not, Haley,” Mrs. Dunphy warns her daughter yet again. But Haley, having gone this far, isn’t about to stop now. This senior beauty then reminds us that a pair of badly soiled Victoria’s Secret bikini panties were found in the girls’ room outside the auditorium following last year’s Christmas show. “I bet you’d like to know who did that,” she asks me. “Yes, we would,” I tell Haley, “We investigated that for quite a while and never found the guilty party.” “Well, it was my mom,” Haley then points out, “My mom messed in her panties at the Christmas show and then tried to ditch her panties in the bathroom.” “At least I clean my panties when I mess in them,” Haley says, “I don’t just ditch them in the bathroom and pretend I didn’t do it.”

“That’s a month grounded in your room,” Mrs. Dunphy then yells at Haley, “And no computer, cellphone, television, music, or anything.” “You can just sit in your room and stare at your walls,” Mrs. Dunphy lectures her, “And you can think again about broadcasting private family business for the whole world.”

“Were those panties really yours, Mrs. Dunphy?” I ask the blonde-haired beauty, “Did you really mess in your panties at the holiday show and ditch them in the girls’ room?” Mortally embarrassed, she nods her head “yes.” “I must say that I’m very disappointed in you,” I tell her. “It’s one thing to mess in your panties – That’s bad enough at your age,” I explain, “But it’s another thing entirely to hide those messy panties in the girls’ room.” “Obviously, I have no jurisdiction over parents,” I tell Mrs. Dunphy, “But you really should be ashamed of yourself.” “If your daughter did something like that, she’d be going on toilet suspension right now,” I point out to her, “And she’d have plenty of sentences to write and toilets to scrub clean.” My goal in mentioning all this was to induce Mrs. Dunphy to come forward and volunteer to accept punishment for what she did. After all, she so very clearly deserves it and she’d obviously have very little sympathy had it been Haley doing this. She’s obviously embarrassed by this revelation, but she appears unwilling to step forward and accept responsibility for it. “I’m very disappointed in you,” I tell the lovely Mrs. Dunphy, but that’s pretty much all I can do.

Getting back to Haley, it is noted that this is her 4th panty-soiling accident of the school year. She also has a violation for Defecating in a Faculty Bathroom, Squatting to Defecate with the Toilet Seat Down, and Using Too Much Toilet Paper. She gets 500 times of “I will not soil my panties in school again” and a week in detention sitting on the toilet in the Main Corridor girls’ room.

“What about my Mom,” Haley asks. “Well, there’s really nothing I can do about that, Haley,” I tell the toilet-troubled senior beauty, “The TVPC really has no jurisdiction over parents.” “She definitely deserves to be punished,” I tell Haley, but obviously more intended for her mom, “But unfortunately, I can’t do anything about that.” I pause for a moment – Giving Mrs. Dunphy one final chance to step forward and agree to accept the punishment for what she did – But she simply stands there silent. I’m forced to end this matter with Haley being the only one punished.

So concludes another session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee. Meeting adjourned at 4:01 PM.

[Guest]

Love the Modern Family references! I've suspected for some time that Claire might be a panty messer. It certainly wasn't smart of her to push Haley over the edge like that. Thanks Arnold!

[Arnold Ziffel]

Thanks

I'm glad you enjoyed the Modern Family reference. That had been rolling around in my head for 2 years before I was finally able to put it down on paper. I had to bring Haley back for a second try at her senior year to get it in. It certainly is a lovely thought that Claire would be a panty-messer along with Haley.