Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

[Arnold Ziffel]

Welcome to a session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.

My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of June 13, 2013.

As I gavel open this session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC), I cannot help but notice that several members of the school’s Academic Team are in attendance. The day brings news of our great team not only winning the state championship but setting the record for highest score ever in Science. With Science geniuses like Blossom, Abby, and Penny on the team as well as all-around academic achievers such as Carly, Teddy, Alex, and Victoria, none of this comes as a surprise. But alas, we wouldn’t be discussing this at a TVPC meeting if the news was all good from the 2-day overnight trip for the academic tournament. And this doesn’t surprise me, either, because with no doors on the individual toilet stalls at the school where they hold this competition annually, our girls have had toileting problems there in the past. I’m not too upset to see that we only have 1 panty-soiling violation and 1 other toilet violation to deal with from the trip.

But as I read the Violation Report in our first case from the overnight trip – The panty-soiling case – I’m more than a little surprised. In fact, I’m downright shocked to see who is accused of soiling her panties and perhaps even more surprised to see who isn’t.

“Teddy?” I ask in disbelief as the very pretty and outgoing junior blonde rises and heads to the podium, “Did you really have an accident in your pants at the competition?” “Well, it kind of happened on the bus ride back to the hotel after the first day of the competition,” Teddy clarifies, “But, yes sir – I did have an accident.” This is such a surprise because the beautiful Teddy has no accidents at all on her school toilet record – Not even any from when she was a freshman. And this, of course, is no regular panty-soiling accident. This is an accident while representing the school and hence, a bit more serious than your usual panty-soiling accident. “I did kind of mess in my panties a little,” Teddy explains, obviously embarrassed, “I did most of it in the ladies’ room back at the hotel, but unfortunately I did do a little bit of it in my panties before that.”

“It was more than just a little bit, Teddy,” Miss Bliss, coach of the Academic Team this year, tells her. “I mean, I wouldn’t say that it was a particularly big accident and you did do most of it in the toilet afterwards, but I wouldn’t say it was just a little bit, either.” “You made it sound like it was only a little streak or a little skidmark or something in your panties,” Miss Bliss explains further, “It may not have been a lot of it, but you definitely had actual solid fecal matter in those panties of yours.” “Yes, Ma’am – It definitely was an accident,” Teddy acknowledges, “I know I definitely did have a real accident in my panties.” “You definitely had some cleaning up to do with those panties later that night, didn’t you?” Miss Bliss asks. “Yes, I did have to clean them out,” Teddy acknowledges, her embarrassment evident, “I definitely couldn’t put them in the wash the way they were.”

“I must say that I’m more than a little surprised to here of this,” I tell Teddy, “You were about the last person I would worry about having an accident like this – Especially on a school trip.” “I know the girls’ room there isn’t the greatest, so I’m not really surprised that somebody on the team had an accident there,” I continue, “In fact, I pretty much expected an accident from Penny.” “But I certainly never expected one from you, Teddy,” I tell the beautiful blonde honor student, “I’m still shocked that between you and Penny, you’d be the one with soiled panties.”

“Penny did really well – All of us on the team are really proud of her,” chimes in Blossom, Captain of the Academic Team, “I know it wasn’t easy for her to use the girls’ room there, but she did what she had to do.” “She went both ways in the girls’ room both days that we were there,” Blossom points out, “That’s 2 bowel movements that Penny did in a bathroom that didn’t have doors on the stalls.” “That’s more than I can say for Teddy,” Blossom continues, glaring at Teddy in the process. Teddy, on the other hand, seems too ashamed to even look her team captain in the eye. “Anyway, it was just Teddy’s accident and that little problem that Abby had,” Blossom points out, referencing the toilet violations on the trip, “I guess that’s not too bad.” “We all sat down before the trip and had a long talk about all this,” the articulate team captain explains, “We talked about how we not only wanted to win the competition, but that we wanted to do the school proud with no toilet violations on the trip, either.” “To be honest, Penny was the one we were most concerned about,” she continues, “We all know about the problems she has sometimes – Especially when the toilets don’t have any privacy like that.” “But Penny was really brave and just did what she had to do toilet-wise,” Blossom adds, “She didn’t even wet the bed either night.” “You should be really proud of yourself,” she tells the shy, toilet troubled Penny.

“You all really helped me,” Penny chimes in, beaming that million dollar smile of hers, “You all really helped me a lot when I had to do you know what.” “I don’t think I could have done it without your help especially,” she tells Blossom appreciatively, “I probably would have gone in my panties both days if not for you and everybody’s help.” She goes on to tell us that in order to compensate for the lack of stall doors, the girls provided privacy screens for each other. Girls would stand where the stall door would ordinarily be and, with their back to the girl on the toilet, provide that girl with a little privacy. “Blossom and Teddy stood there for me on the first day when I had to go BM,” Penny explains, “And Blossom and Carly stood there for me on the second day when I had to go BM again.” “It’s still really bad to not have a real stall door, but at least its’ something,” Penny adds, “At least it gave me enough privacy so I could do what I had to do and it saved me from messing in my panties.”

“Teddy would have been well advised to take care of her own bathroom business, too,” I point out to Penny, but also for Teddy’s benefit, “I mean, I’m happy that she helped you, but it’s kind of ironic that she helped you, but managed not to have helped herself.” “I mean, don’t you find it ironic?” I ask Teddy, “You help Penny do her bowel movement in the toilet but then you do your own bowel movement in your pants.”

“Well, sir, I guess it is kind of ironic in a way,” Teddy answers, “But I really wasn’t thinking about it that way.” “Mostly, I was thinking about how stupid it was of me to have an accident like that,” Teddy explains, “And I was thinking about how really disgusting it is to have a mess in my panties.” The pretty and articulate blonde goes on to explain how the need for her to have a bowel movement that day didn’t come along until very late in the afternoon. “We were almost done for the day so I figured I might as well just hold it in until we got back to the hotel and do it there,” she explains, “I mean, why not go at the hotel if I could.” “I really thought that I could hold it in long enough,” she says, “I guess I was wrong.”

“I can’t believe that you’d do that, Teddy,” booms a voice from the spectators’ section. That voice belongs to one of our Music teachers, Mrs. Duncan. Mrs. Duncan is also Teddy’s mom and she’s definitely not happy about her daughter’s accident. “I’m really surprised at you, Teddy,” she lectures her daughter, “Since when do we hold it in when we don’t want to use a bathroom we don’t like.” “What’s gotten into you, lately?” she asks Teddy, “I’ve seen you use bathrooms with open stalls plenty of times and it never bothered you before.” “It’s ALWAYS bothered me before – Its gross using the toilet when you don’t have privacy,” Teddy answers emphatically. “It’s just that it’s more gross to go in your pants,” the pretty honor student explains, “So I just grin and bear and I go use the toilet when I need to.” “No matter how gross the bathroom is,” she adds.

“But this time you just decided to go in your panties instead?” Mrs. Duncan asks Teddy. “I didn’t just decide to go in my pants,” Teddy responds, a bit annoyed that her mother would put it that way, “I just had an accident – It just happened.” “I thought I could wait and go back at the hotel,” Teddy explains, “I mean, it’s better to go in any bathroom than to go in your pants, but why not wait and go in privacy back at the hotel if you can.” “Because sometimes you can’t wait – Because sometimes you really don’t know how long you can wait,” Mrs. Duncan yells at her harshly, “Because sometimes you end up waiting too long and you have an accident instead.” “That’s why we learn to use the toilet when we need to, even if the bathroom isn’t so nice,” she says, “That’s why we take our business promptly and avoid having accidents like a baby.” “Geez Teddy – Didn’t we just get finished toilet training your sister Charlie,” Mrs. Duncan tells Teddy, “Do we have to start toilet training you now?”

Teddy, not to mention most of us in the committee room, is a bit taken aback by Mrs. Duncan’s harsh comments. She’s usually very nice and very sympathetic to girls who have accidents, but apparently not with her own daughter. “Geez, Mom – It was only an accident,” Teddy snaps back, a tinge of anger in her voice. “No! It wasn’t just AN accident!” her mom screams back at her, even angrier than before, “Do you think I don’t remember what you did on our trip to Chicago 2 weeks ago?” Mrs. Duncan goes on to remind Teddy of their recent trip to Chicago to appear on some sort of dance TV-show. “Do you really think I don’t remember that you messed yourself on the plane?” she asks.
”I didn’t make a big deal about it then because it was indeed only ONE accident,” she lectures Teddy, “But now, we have this one, too.” “You told me then that you were holding it in because you didn’t want to go on the plane,” Mrs. Duncan continues, “And now you don’t want to go because in the bathroom they have no doors on the stalls.” “And why didn’t you tell me about this when you got home last night?” she asks Teddy, “Imagine my surprise when I got a look at the TVPC agenda for this afternoon and found your name on it for panty-soiling.” “Maybe I should put up a potty chart for you just like the one we have for Charlie,” she suggests sarcastically, “I can give you a gold star every time you make in the toilet.”

“Well, I just went to the girls’ room a little while ago – Right before I came here to this meeting,” Teddy fires back in her own brand of sarcasm, “I peed and did a really big poop, too.” “Do I get just one gold star for that and does that count as two?” she asks sarcastically. Actually, given her mother’s mood, I’m not sure sarcasm was Teddy’s best choice here. Her mom just glares at her – No doubt waiting for Teddy to stop and maybe apologize. But Teddy isn’t done yet. “Oh! But you probably don’t believe me that I went poop in the toilet since you don’t think I’m toilet trained,” Teddy, uncharacteristically, continues her sarcastic rant, “Do I have to take a picture of it in the toilet to prove I did it and get my gold star?” I think the minute that Teddy said that, she regretted it, but she just couldn’t stop the words from coming out of her mouth.

“All right then,” her mom answers back, surprisingly quite calm, “We’ll do it your way if you like.” “For the next month, you WILL take cell phone pictures of all your bowel movements in the toilet,” Mrs. Duncan directs Teddy, “And you WILL get a potty chart just like Charlie’s and you’ll get a gold star every time you go poop in the toilet.” Teddy starts to argue, but her mom puts up her hand to stop her. “Keep arguing, young lady and you’ll be putting those bowel movement pictures up on your facebook page,” she warns Teddy. The threat of that quickly quiets the pretty, outgoing Junior.

Mrs. Duncan then argues for a severe punishment for Teddy for the panty-soiling on the trip. But clearly that’s not in order here. Though this was a panty-soiling while representing the school, it was her first accident of the school year, the bathroom at the place wasn’t very nice, and the accident itself wasn’t particularly bad. And I’m also impressed that Teddy took the time to help Penny properly handle her own bathroom business. As I previously noted, I only wish Teddy had done the same for herself.

I sentence Teddy to 3 days of detention and having to write “I will not soil my panties in school or at academic competitions again” 300 times. Teddy looks quite relieved that her punishment isn’t more severe while her mom looks disappointed. “She’ll write 500 times not 300,” Mrs. Duncan tells me, all the while glaring at Teddy, “That’ll teach her a lesson better than just 300 will.” Once again, Teddy starts to argue but her mom quickly stops her. “Do want to try for 1,000 times,” she warns her daughter, “Or maybe you want to argue even more and we can keep going even higher.” Teddy wisely heeds the warning – Obviously, she’s said way too much already. “I’ll write the 500 times,” Teddy says dejectedly.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

The second matter from our Academic team concerns a bright and outgoing senior Science whiz named Abby. She is not charged with an accident offense, but with urinating in a clogged toilet. Under TVPC rules, girls are only permitted to use toilets that are functioning properly. That, of course, prohibits them from using toilets that are clogged.

“I’m not claiming that Abby clogged the toilet herself,” Miss Bliss explains, “She just didn’t realize that the toilet was already clogged when she sat down and urinated in it.” Abby nods her head in agreement with that. “I had to pee really, really, REALLY bad,” the delightfully eccentric “goth girl” tells us, “It was during the competition and I was trying to hold it in until that particular round was over.” “I almost didn’t make it that long,” Abby continues, “When the round was over, I just sprinted for the girls’ room, and plopped my butt down on the first toilet I saw.” “I was in such a hurry that I just didn’t notice that the toilet was clogged,” she explains, “I didn’t notice it was clogged until after I dried myself and I was about to throw my toilet paper in there.” “There was a pair of soiled underwear in the toilet – That’s what was clogging it,” she explains further, “Some girl must have had an accident and then tried to flush down her soiled panties.”

“You’re lucky you weren’t charged with trying to flush those,” Miss Bliss tells Abby, “Since you were the one using that toilet, a lot of people just assumed that you were the one who tried to flush those panties.” “But I knew you didn’t do it and I convinced them otherwise,” Miss Bliss explains, “It really didn’t take an NCIS team to know it wasn’t you.” “Well, I was wearing underwear at the time,” Abby points out, “I mean, I wouldn’t be wearing underwear if I had previously tried to flush them down the toilet.” She’s got a point there, but that certainly wouldn’t preclude her from having a spare pair of panties with her and then changing into them after flushing her prior ones. But since Abby isn’t even charged with that, there’s no reason to delve into all this now.

I also note that Abby is only charged with urinating in the clogged toilet and that she did it accidentally. Faithful readers of the TVPC surely know that urinating in a clogged toilet is a less serious offense than having a bowel movement in one. And furthermore, using a clogged toilet intentionally would be a more serious violation than if a girl just didn’t realize it was clogged when she used it. In this particular case, Abby just hopped onto the toilet without knowing it was clogged. “You’d better lay off those Big Gulp sodas you drink,” Miss Bliss warns Abby, “Bladders fill up pretty fast when you’re drinking those things.” Consumption of those giant sodas was apparently the reason that Abby had to rush to the girls’ room in desperation. “Even with a big bladder like yours, you can easily wind up wetting your pants with those,” Miss Bliss adds. She also notes Abby’s bladder prowess. “Abby became a bit of a legend at the competition,” Miss Bliss explains with a smile, “Everybody was talking about how much ‘that goth girl’ could pee and how loud it was.” “Well, I really had to go,” Abby says, returning the smile, “I guess my bladder can indeed hold a real lot.”

“I wish I had a bladder like that – Or even half of that,” chimes in Alex, a petite and pretty sophomore, whose rather small bladder has been a problem for her.

As noted, this was only a urination and Abby didn’t urinate in the clogged toilet on purpose, but it’s still a toilet violation while representing the school. Abby will have to serve 2 days and detention and write “I will not urinate in a clogged toilet in school or at academic competitions again” 200 times.

Before closing on the Academic team trip, I take a moment to address Penny. “Let me say that I’m also impressed with how you handled your bodily functions on the trip,” I tell the toilet-troubled senior, “I’m very pleased that you managed to go in the toilet like you were supposed to.” “You have a lot to be proud of, young lady,” I tell her. “Blossom and the others helped me a lot,” Penny says, beaming a broad smile, “I couldn’t have done it without them.” “Well, you were the one that actually did it,” I remind Penny, “I’m glad they helped you, but you were the one that actually had to sit down and move your bowels in that bathroom.” “I know that couldn’t have been easy for you,” I tell Penny, “But I bet it felt good to do it in the toilet instead of your pants.” “

“It does feel good – Really good! – Not to have the mess in my panties,” Penny responds, “But I still really hate doing that kind of thing in a public bathroom – Especially a bathroom like that one.” “For privacy sake, I still definitely would rather hold it in and go at home,” she says, “But I really couldn’t risk having another accident – Especially on a school trip.” Penny goes on to explain that in addition to several accidents in school this year, she already has one panty-soiling on a school trip. She points out that she’s very busy with her rigorous classwork schedule and it’ll only get worse with end of the school coming up. “I just couldn’t afford the punishment for another accident,” she says. “Last time, with my accident at Astronaut Camp, I had to write 1,000 lines and that took forever to write,” Penny explains, “And I knew I’d get it even worse if I had another accident this time.” “And that’s to say nothing of all the detention I’d have to serve along with that, too,” she explains further, “I just couldn’t afford all the time it would take to serve those detentions and write all those lines.” “I remember last year when you gave that one girl 5,000 lines to write,” Penny continues, “And you wouldn’t let her go to graduation unless she finished it before then.” “It must have been awful having to write all that – She was up all night the night before graduation finishing it,” she says, “I just didn’t want that to happen to me – I just couldn’t handle an assignment like that.” “So I just had to make sure and do what I needed to do not to have another accident,” she tells me.

Although, I seriously doubt that I would have given Penny a 5,000 times punishment (that punishment I gave out last year was a punishment for 3 panty-soiling accidents together), a 2nd violation for panty-soiling while representing the school would have garnered a serious punishment indeed. Penny was right to be concerned about all the time she’d have to spend serving detention and writing lines had she messed in her panties again. But fortunately, she avoided all that by going in the toilet when she needed to. Obviously, that was a very wise decision on her part.

As long as she is here now with the academic team, we might as well take Alex’s case now. Alex is a very bright and very pretty sophomore. Her case is not from the Academic team trip but from the school day today. Ideally, a girl shouldn’t commit any toilet violations at all, but if you are going to commit one, its better that you do it at school rather than while representing the school on a trip or something.

Alex is charged today with “Being Late to Class for Bathroom Purposes” – Specifically, that she was late for her 4th period because she was using the girls’ room between classes. I ask her for her plea. “I have no choice but to plead ‘Guilty,’ sir,” Alex tells me, “But the only thing I’m really guilty of is having a small bladder and not wanting to wet my pants in class.” “That and not having a teacher willing to let me go to the girls’ room when I need to,” the articulate, sophomore honor student says, pointedly. Miss Defequer, Alex’s 4th period French teacher takes offense at that comment. “Was that directed at me?” she asks Alex, just as pointedly. Alex just shrugs her shoulders smugly. “Well, young lady, I’ve let you go to the girls’ room plenty of times during my class,” Miss Defequer tells Alex, “I think I’m pretty liberal when it comes to giving out girls’ room passes.” “I’m certainly more liberal than most teachers at this school,” she continues, “Try asking Mr. Feeney for a girls’ room pass and see what happens.” Mr. Feeney is a very strict teacher – Well known throughout the school for never letting girls leave class to go to the girls’ room. “Yes, you are – You are usually really good with passes,” Alex readily admits, “But that still doesn’t help me when my bladder is bursting and you still won’t let me go.” You can hardly blame me for your bursting bladder,” Miss Defquer tells Alex, “Like I said before, I’ve let you out of class to go to the girls’ room plenty of times.” “But lately you’ve been asking to go to the girls’ room a lot, Alex,” the French teacher continues, “I’d really like to help but you just can’t expect to go to the girls’ room every day.”

“But why not?” Alex quickly asks. “I have to urinate every day – I have to urinate several times every day,” Alex says, “Why shouldn’t I expect to use the girls’ room everyday?” “Don’t you urinate everyday?” she asks Miss Defequer. “Of course, I go everyday – Like you, I go several times everyday,” she answers back, “But I hold my bladder until the end of class.” “You have to be responsible for your own bodily functions,” she tells Alex, “And that means having to take care of these things with minimal interruptions of class time.” “Well, that’s what I was trying to do today,” Alex rants, “I was trying to use the girls’ room and urinate before class.” “But there isn’t always enough time to do what you have to do between classes,” Alex continues, “It’s hardly ever enough time if you have to do more than urinate and sometimes like today, there isn’t even enough time to just do that.” She goes on to explain that earlier in the school year, she was managing this all very well. “I have lunch 5th period,” she tells us, “So if I made sure to use the girls’ room right before homeroom, I would almost always make it to 5th period lunch without having to go.” “I mean, I would definitely have to urinate by then, but making it all the way to 5th period wouldn’t be a problem,” she claims. “But sometimes if I had to go before then or if I had to do a BM, I could get a girls’ room pass and go during class,” the cute and articulate sophomore honor student continues, “I guess Miss Defequer and my other teachers would always let me go since it was just a once in a while thing.” “But then it started happening all the time,” Alex goes on, “Suddenly, it was like all the time that I had an emergency and couldn’t wait until 5th period lunch to go.” “At first, that really wasn’t much of a problem, either,” she explains, “But then I guess teachers just got tired of letting me go to the girls’ room so much.” “But I still usually have to go pretty bad and can’t wait until 5th period,” Alex explains further, “So now, I’m stuck having to go between my 3rd and 4th period classes because Miss Defequer won’t let me go to the girls’ room anymore.”

But your 3rd and 4th period classes are pretty close together,” I tell Alex, “You should have enough time to urinate and still make it to class on time.” “I could understand if you needed to have a BM – That takes more time, obviously,” I point out, “But as long as you only have to urinate, you should be able to take care of that in the passing time between classes and not be late to your next class.” “Usually I can manage it,” Alex acknowledges, “It’s kind of hectic and I have to rush to make it, but usually I still can urinate and make it to class on time.” “But sometimes, it just doesn’t go right and then it’s a problem,” she then explains, “Sometimes, like today, it gets really crowded and I have to wait for a stall.” “And if I have to wait for a stall, there’s usually no way to finish my business and still get to class on time,” Alex explains further. “But I still do have to stand there and wait,” she says, “Because if I can’t urinate then, there would be no way to make it through 4th period without wetting my pants.” “It was different when I could get a pass from Miss Defequer in 4th period,” Alex explains, “Then, if I couldn’t get a stall right away between classes, I’d just get a pass and go during 4th period.” “But now, since I can’t go during class, I have no choice but to wait and go between classes if I need to,” she explains further, “Even if it’s going to make me late for class.” “I just don’t want to wet my pants in class,” Alex pleads, “And I know the punishment would be much worse if I went during class after Miss Defequer denied me permission.”

“Well, definitely don’t do that, Alex,” I advise her, “Going to the girls’ room without proper permission is a possible toilet suspension.” “At least what you did here wasn’t a serious offense,” I tell her. Even Miss Defquer argues for a lenient punishment. “I have no doubt that Alex was taking care of legitimate bathroom business in the girls’ room and that was the reason for her being late to class,” her French teacher tells us, “I certainly don’t think we need to be unduly severe with her on this.” “I just can’t let Alex or any student be late for class – Even if it is for using the girls’ room,” she continues, “And I just can’t keep letting her leave class everyday to go to the girls’ room.”

Moving on to Alex’s punishment, it’s hard not to feel sympathy for a girl with a small bladder – Especially a bright and likeable girl like Alex. And, as I noted before, it isn’t a serious offense. But this is the 3rd time that Alex has been late for class due to using the girls’ room between classes. She also has an offense for not lifting up the toilet seat while squatting to urinate. Accordingly, I sentence the bright and articulate sophomore cutie to 3 days of detention and to write “I will not be late for class when I use the girls’ room” 200 times.

Reading the Violation Report in our next case, all I can do is shake my head. At this point, I’m beyond angry as I call to the podium Miss Grace Musso, our very sexy, perennially spandex-clad cheerleading coach. I just have to assuage my anger with the notion that Coach Musso’s punishment will surely reflect the severity of the offense. As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, teachers and coaches are not normally subject to TVPC jurisdiction and punishment, but Miss Musso is a special case. In order to maintain her position as Cheerleading coach this year, she had to agree to be subject to TVPC rules and, of course, TVPC punishments.

“Really, Grace?” I admonish her, as she takes the podium, “Did you really have an accident AGAIN?” “Well, I guess so,” she answers, her head bowed in shame, “But it’s hard to call this one an accident.” “I mean, you should have seen how much I did in the toilet as compared to what I did in my panties,” she tells us, “I’m not even sure we can call it an accident with how little was in my panties.”

“Oh! We can call it an accident, alright,” reports Dr. Flower, a Science teacher, who has brought the Panty-Soiling charge against Miss Musso, “It’s certainly not the most severe of accidents I’ve ever seen but it’s plenty enough to call it an accident.” “Grace has got a healthy splatter of fecal matter in the seat of those panties,” the ever strict Science teacher tells us, “I’ve charged plenty of girls with Panty-Soiling for less in their panties than what Miss Musso has in her panties now.” “Well, you’ve charged girls with practically nothing in their panties,” Miss Musso criticizes Dr. Flower, “I’ve seen some of my cheerleaders charged with Panty-Soiling by you when they’ve had practically nothing in their panties.” “Well, they shouldn’t have anything in their panties at all,” Dr. Flower quickly fires back, “These girls are in high school for Pete’s sake – They shouldn’t be having problems doing it in the toilet when they need to.” “And as for you, Grace,” Dr. Flower continues, shaking her head in disgust, “For you to be messing in your panties at your age is an absolute disgrace.” “You could cut a girl a break sometimes, you know,” our lovely Cheerleading coach tells Dr. Flower, “You know how hard I’ve been trying not to mess in my panties anymore.” “Obviously, you’re not trying hard enough,” she tells Grace, “If you had been trying hard enough, you wouldn’t have a mess in your panties now.” “It’s only a little bit,” Coach Musso quickly fires back in an angry tone, “You know very well that I did most of it in the toilet.”

Immediately, I bang my gavel to end the sniping between the two of them – This is obviously going around in circles. “Are you denying that you’ve had an accident, Grace?” I ask the toilet-troubled Cheerleading coach, “I understand that it’s not a lot in your panties but is it enough for it to be considered an accident?” “It’s enough,” Grace answers back, ashamedly, “It’s enough in my panties to call it an accident.” As I noted before, all I can do is shake my head at our very lovely Cheerleading coach. To see her standing here before the TVPC with a mess in her panties under that tight spandex is a familiar sight – A too familiar sight, as far as I’m concerned.

Upon questioning, Miss Musso tells us it happened between her 6th and 7th period classes this afternoon. “I was teaching my 6th period class in the gym and as the class wore on, I started to realize that I had to go,” she tells us. But she also reminds us that because of the toilet restrictions that she’s on, she can only use the student girls’ rooms. “Normally, I’d just duck into the coaches’ office and use the bathroom in there,” she points out, “But thanks to you, I’m not allowed to use that one anymore.” “Instead, I’m stuck holding it in all through class,” she says, a tinge of anger in her voice, “You know, this never would have happened if I could have used the toilet right there in the coaches’ office.” I must say that I’m a little taken aback by her attitude. “Having to use the student girls’ rooms was a condition you agreed to in order to remain as Cheerleading coach,” I remind Coach Musso, “We all agreed that you had to get used to using student girls’ rooms because that’s all you get to use when you visit other schools as the Cheerleading coach.” “Yes sir – I agreed with that,” she acknowledges, “It’s just there’s a faculty toilet right there in the coaches’ office and it’s really convenient for us gym teachers to use.” “I just mean that if I could have used that one, I wouldn’t have been holding it in as long as I did,” she argues, “And I definitely wouldn’t have had an accident.” “I mean, I pretty much made it to the toilet as it was and I only did a little bit in my panties, anyway,” she says, “I wouldn’t have had an accident at all if I’d just gotten to a toilet a few minutes sooner.”

“Well, you couldn’t have used the office bathroom, anyway,” chimes in Miss Collins, another gym teacher, “Someone took a major dump in there this morning and it’s been clogged all day.” “I think it was Mrs. Duncan,” Miss Collins adds, “She’s in the Music room right near the gym and she’s always using our bathroom – Especially when she has to do more than just #1.” “I didn’t clog your toilet,” Mrs. Duncan quickly argues in her defense, “And I don’t go in there all the time.” “O-K, I have gone in there to do #2 a few times and I admit that I did clog it ONCE,” she states emphatically, “But mostly I just use the regular girls’ room in the hallway outside the gym.” “In fact, I had a bowel movement in there just a little while ago,” Mrs. Duncan says, “It was a big one but it didn’t clog the toilet.” “It’s true, sir,” chimes in Jessie, a girl with us in the committee room serving detention today for Forgetting to Flush the Toilet after having a BM in it yesterday, “I was in there with Mrs. Duncan 2 periods ago.” “I was right in the next stall next to Mrs. Duncan,” the pretty senior tells us, “And I’m pretty sure, she was doing a big #2 like she said.” We all looked at her puzzled – Wondering, of course, how she would know that. “I had to pass toilet paper to Mrs. Duncan under the stall – She didn’t have any in her own stall,” Jessie then explains, “And I really had to pass her a lot of it.” “She just kept asking for more and more,” she explains further, “So I assume she did a big, messy one.” “Really Mrs. Duncan,” Jessie chides her, “Don’t you check for toilet paper first? – Especially when you have to do the big stuff.” “Usually, I do,” Mrs. Duncan responds with a smile, “But I guess I was just in a hurry today. She thanks Jessie for coming to her rescue.

With that, I bang my gavel and direct us back to the issue at hand – That being, Miss Musso’s panty-soiling accident today. “Whether or not that particular toilet was available is not the point, Grace,” I tell her, “The point is that you’re supposed to do your bowel movements in the toilet and today you didn’t do it.” “You’re supposed to do ALL of each bowel movement in the toilet not just MOST of it,” I also tell her, “Even a little bit in your panties is unacceptable and you know that.” “Yes sir,” a very embarrassed Coach Musso acknowledges.

I also note that she was caught this afternoon in the Science Wing girls’ room. “I saw her walking in there with a real sense of urgency,” Dr. Flower tells us, “So that’s when I went in there to check on her.” “She was sitting on the toilet going when I got there,” the Science teacher continues, “But she already had some of it in her panties.” But if she had to go as badly as she says and obviously she did,” Dr. Flower postulates, “What was she doing all the way upstairs in the Science Wing girls’ room anyway?” That’s a very good question. “Even if you couldn’t use the bathroom in the coaches’ office, there were still the student toilets in the girls’ locker room,” I remind Miss Musso, “Since you obviously had to go really bad, shouldn’t you have used the toilet there?” But Coach Musso argues that simply didn’t want to use the toilets there. “Not for a #2,” she tells me, “There’s just not very much privacy in the girls’ locker room bathroom.” “And the girls’ room in the hallway outside the gym?” I ask, “That was a lot closer to you than the Science Wing, too.” But Coach Musso explains that she didn’t want to use that one, either. “The Science Wing girls’ room is just better – I was trying to hold it in and go in there,” she says, “As long as I have to use the student girls’ rooms, I always try to use one of the bathrooms upstairs when it comes to #2.”

With that, I am once again left just shaking my head at our sexy but toilet-troubled Cheerleading coach. Looking over Miss Musso’s toilet record, I see that in addition to prior offenses for a panty-soiling at cheerleading practice and panty-soiling (while representing the school) at a basketball game, Miss Musso was guilty of Using the Boys’ Room at a cheerleading competition. Furthermore, we had to punish her back in September for Unnecessarily Holding in a Bowel Movement at a football game and Filing a False Report about Having to Go at the Game – these offenses both part of the special conditions placed upon Coach Musso due to her prior accidents.

“You’re getting 1,000 times for this accident, Grace,” I tell her, “And 2 weeks detention sitting on the toilet.” The sentence to be written is, of course, “I will not soil my panties in school again” and the toilet sitting detention will be spent in the girls’ locker room bathroom – A student girls’ room, of course. “Shame on you, Grace,” I tell her, “Just shame on you.”

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

But just as our spandex clad Cheerleading coach turns to leave – Or rather to head down to the girls’ locker room to toilet sit – I stop her. “Oh! – We’re not done yet,” I tell her, in no uncertain terms, “Aren’t you forgetting about what happened at the basketball playoff game last winter?” She looks at me puzzled. “I know I had an accident at the game,” she tells us, “But that was way back in March.” “Indeed it was,” I tell her, as the TVPC clerk hands me a folder containing some unfinished business on that matter. “Have you forgotten about this?” I ask her, holding up that folder with a thick packet of paper for her to see. “How could I ever forget that,” she tells me, “I had to write ‘I will not soil my panties at cheerleading events again’ 2,500 times.” The packet of notebook paper that I’m holding now is that punishment writing assignment from Coach Musso – “I will not soil my panties at cheerleading events again” written 2,500 times on the front and back of 100 sheets of paper. “Do you also remember how you got a break that day?” I ask her. “Yes sir – I was originally supposed to write 5,000 times,” she recalls, “You even made me number the lines all the way up to 5,000 so I could see just how long that punishment would have been.” That’s why the packet I’m holding now is 200 pages thick even though only half the lines actually have the sentences written on them. “I got the 2,500 times done in 1 week and that was really hard,” Miss Musso adds, “Because you said that if I did finish half of it in that time, I wouldn’t have to finish the rest.”

That’s certainly true, Grace,” I tell the sexy Cheerleading coach, “But that wasn’t the only condition we placed on you not having to finish that assignment, was it?” She doesn’t seem to remember at first (or maybe she doesn’t want to remember), but suddenly it comes to her. “Oh No!” she exclaims in a panic, “Oh No! Please not that!!” “The condition was that you wouldn’t have to finish the full 5,000 times if you didn’t have any more accidents this school year,” I remind her, “But that didn’t exactly work out , did it?” With that, I motion for her to come forward and take the half finished punishment assignment from me. “I’m giving you back your punishment assignment, Grace, “I tell her, “And now, you’re going to have to finish it.” “Oh No!” Grace pleads, “Oh please not that! – Oh! Please don’t make me finish this!” “That’s another 2,500 times that I have to write,” she reminds me, breaking down into tears.

“Please can’t you just give me a break,” she pleads in desperation. But I just shake my head “no.” “You had your chance,” I remind her. “You had your chance to avoid having to write the full assignment,” I explain, “And all you had to do was NOT mess in your panties again.” “But you couldn’t do it – You just had to mess in your panties again,” I lecture her, shaking my head in disgust, “So now, you’re just going to have to finish the rest of your punishment assignment.”

It’s about then that Grace begins to fully comprehend her situation. It’s not only 2,500 times that she has to write to finish her last punishment, but it’s also the 1,000 times that she’s got to write specifically for messing in her panties today. “Come on sir – Isn’t that too much,” she pleads, “This was only a little bit in my panties and I did most of it in the toilet.” “Last time it was a lot in my panties and I did it while representing the school,” she points out, “I know why I had to get punished really bad for that.” “But still it was only 2,500 times that I got for that,” she says, “How can you give me 3,500 times for this one when it’s only a little bit in my panties and it wasn’t even while representing the school?” “This is just crazy,” she argues, “I did most of it in the toilet and only a little bit in my panties and now I have to write like the worst punishment of all time.”

It’s a dubious argument to be sure. “WRONG!” I tell her angrily and in no uncertain terms. “Your punishment for that prior accident was 5,000 times not 2,500 times,” I explain, “And your punishment for this is one is 1,000 times.” “And that is as it should be,” I argue. “It’s just that we were hoping that 2,500 times would be enough to teach you a lesson last time,” I explain further, “We were hoping it would be enough to make you realize that you needed to stop messing in your panties.” “But obviously we were wrong,” I tell her, “Obviously, you still haven’t learned your lesson if you’ve messed in your panties again today.” “So now you’re going to have to go back and pay the full price for your prior accident,” I point out, “As well as pay the price for the panty mess you did today.”

“But either way it’s 3,500 times that I’ve got to write now,” she pleads in tears. “That’s just not fair,” she pleads some more, “It’s only a little bit in my panties this time.” This time Coach Musso directs her plea to TVPC member Mrs. Crabtree. Mrs. Crabtree was the one who argued on her behalf last time and it was based on that argument that her punishment got cut in half as it was. But her plea is to no avail. “I’m sorry, Grace – Not this time,” Mrs. Crabtree tells the coach, “You had your chance to make it easier on yourself, but you didn’t take it – You messed in your panties again.” “And I don’t care if it’s only a little bit in your panties!” she adds, “Your not supposed to do ANY of it in your panties.” About the only consideration, I will allow is to give her 2 weeks to finish the assignments. “You’ll have 2 weeks to get it done before we start doubling what isn’t done,” I explain. “But 2 weeks is still going to be 2 weeks,” I explain further, “If it’s still not finished in 2 weeks, we’ll not only double it, but you’ll go on toilet suspension until it’s done.” Poor Grace nods her head indicating she understands. And I’m still left shaking my head.

Moving on to our next case, I must say that I’m a little surprised to see Miss Sherwood, an English teacher enter the committee room along with Molly, a tall, well-dressed redhead. Miss Sherwood is supposed to be supervising bathroom cleaning punishments this afternoon and Molly is supposed to be cleaning toilets. Molly was recently sentenced to 2 weeks of detention doing this dirty job for messing on a toilet seat in the 2nd Floor girls’ room. It was clearly accidental – The result of nothing more than bad aim on Molly’s part as she squatted over the toilet. But she failed to lift up the toilet seat before she squatted there to have her bowel movement.

Faithful readers of the TVPC surely know that TVPC rules do allow a girl to squat over the toilet to relieve herself. But the rules also require that when a girl does do that, she first lift up the toilet seat so it doesn’t get wet or soiled. And the rules also require that the girl must actually deposit all of it in the toilet where it belongs. Those are simply the FACTS OF LIFE when it comes to bathroom rules at our school. And it’s not like this is Molly’s FIRST SEASON with us, so she should know that. Furthermore for Molly, this was her 2nd time squatting over the toilet with the toilet seat down – Although the first time, she was fortunate enough not to mess on the toilet seat like she did last week. She’s also had to write “I will not squat over the toilet with the toilet seat down again” and “I will not defecate on the toilet seat again” 500 times each – The former of which she handed in this morning and the latter of which she still owes us.

Why she is here now with Miss Sherwood, rather than in the girls’ room doing her toilet cleaning punishment, we shall soon find out.

“I caught her using the toilet in the Main Corridor girls’ room,” the pretty English teacher tells us. “When I went in there to check on her cleaning duties, I found her on the toilet wiping herself,” Miss Sherwood tells us further, “She had done quite a big and messy bowel movement in the toilet.” But Molly just looks at Miss Sherwood puzzled – Puzzled and more than a little angry. “So I was using the toilet, so what?” Molly says, “I’m not on toilet suspension or anything and I was sitting all the way down on the seat.” “You said that if I messed on the toilet seat AGAIN, you’d put me on toilet suspension,” the senior redhead reminds me, “But you didn’t put me on toilet suspension this time.” She then holds up her wrist, showing us the lack of a red wristband – the red wristband, of course indicates a girl on toilet suspension. “So I’m allowed to use the toilet,” she says, “And I HAVE TO use the toilet if I don’t want to get punished for going in my pants.” “You gave me those 2 big writing assignments and the 2 weeks cleaning bathrooms after school,” Molly points out further, “But you didn’t put me on toilet suspension – At least not this time.”

“Nobody said you were on toilet suspension – At least not me,” Miss Sherwood points out, “I just said you were using the toilet and I didn’t say you weren’t sitting on the toilet seat, either.” Molly looks even more puzzled now. “If I wasn’t on toilet suspension then what’s the problem with me using the toilet?” she asks, “Isn’t the toilet where I’m supposed to do my bowel movements?” “I mean, if I hadn’t done it in the toilet, wouldn’t I be here getting punished for doing it in my pants?” she asks, “But now for some reason, I’m here to get punished for using the toilet.”

“It isn’t so much WHERE you did your bowel movement – Obviously, the toilet is the appropriate place for that,” Miss Sherwood points out, “It’s more a matter of WHEN you did it.” “You were supposed to be CLEANING the toilets – That was your punishment for messing on the seat,” she tells Molly, “What were you doing sitting there using the toilet instead?” “I’ve been cleaning disgusting toilets in detention for 4 days now,” she argues back, a tinge of anger in her voice, “You should have seen some of the things that I’ve had to clean up.” “And then I had to go to the bathroom, so I went,” she continues, obviously not at all pleased to be called before the TVPC now. “What was I supposed to do – Go in my pants?” she asks in a decidedly sarcastic tone. “You were in detention being punished, young lady,” I tell her, raising my voice a little to match hers, “And detention doesn’t mean using the toilet.” “You take care of those things before going to detention,” I explain, “Either that or your hold it in until detention is over.”

Molly is left just shaking her head at this – About halfway between being confused and being angry. “The toilet was right there and I had to go,” she tells us, “So I sat down and used it.” “I still don’t know what the problem is,” she says. “The problem is that you were using the toilet when you shouldn’t have been,” I tell her, “The problem is that you weren’t cleaning toilets like you should have been.” “You’ve been to detention before, Molly – You know the rules,” I continue, “You know that you don’t get passes to the girls’ room when you’re in detention.” With that, Molly rolls her eyes at me. “I was already in the girls’ room,” she tells me, frustration evident in her voice, “I didn’t need a pass to the girls’ room because I was already there.” “It’s one thing when I’m in detention in a classroom or the TVPC room,” she argues, “It’s another thing entirely when I’m already in the girls’ room scrubbing toilets.” “Why can’t I just sit down and use the toilet when I’M ALREADY IN THE GIRLS’ ROOM,” she rants on, “This is just stupid!”

Obviously, I don’t appreciate her tone and her attitude and I tell her so. “Violating a TVPC punishment can get a girl placed on toilet suspension,” I warn her, “So I’d watch my attitude if I were you.” “I’ve already explained the rule to you and I don’t care whether you like it or not,” I continue in a stern tone, “You can’t use the toilet you’re in detention and that’s final.” “It doesn’t matter if the detention is in a classroom, the TVPC committee room, or in the girls’ room,” I lecture her, “You’re simply not allowed to use the girls’ room in detention.” “Like I said before, you take care of that kind of thing before you even report for detention,” I tell her.

Upon questioning from me, the pretty senior admits that she did have to go before detention started today. “I was holding it in all during 7th period Calculus class and 8th Period Spanish,” Molly admits, “And I guess I had to go kind of bad by the time detention started.” “But I figured that since I had to clean the toilets anyway, I might as well wait,” she continues, “So I cleaned one of the toilets first and then I sat down and used it.” “Why use a dirty toilet when I could use a clean one instead,” she reasons, “I didn’t think that was going to be a problem – I really didn’t.” Obviously, the threat of a toilet suspension has done wonders to change Molly’s attitude. She begs me not to put her on toilet suspension for this.

“Well then, there’s no need for a toilet suspension here,” I quickly assure her, “This isn’t the most serious of offenses at all.” “It’s not like you disobeyed a teacher to go to the girls’ room or anything like that,” I acknowledge, “I guess it’s kind of hard to already be in the girls’ room with a bunch of toilets and not use them if you really have to go.” “But we have learned our lesson, haven’t we?” I ask her, “Next time we’re going to go BEFORE detention, aren’t we?” She assures me that she will.

In the meantime, I sentence her to an additional 2 days of toilet cleaning punishment – 1 day to make up for today and another day for additional punishment. And she’ll also have to write 200 times, “I will not violate my toilet cleaning punishment again.” I then direct her to get right back to the girls’ room. “We’ve still got toilets for you to clean,” I tell Molly. “Yes sir,” she says dejectedly as she heads back to continue her dirty job.

The last item on the agenda – the last 2 items actually – are bits of committee business. It seems we have some paperwork issues with 2 girls – specifically, Lilly, a loud and oftentimes melodramatic sophomore and Tiffany, a shy and quiet senior blonde. I recognize both of these girls quite well as they were before the TVPC last week – each with big, solid loads in their panties. For Lilly, it happened in Geometry class with Miss Spellman. Apparently Miss Spellman didn’t let her go to the girls’ room because Lilly hadn’t done her homework and was being disruptive in class. This was Lilly second panty-soiling this school year. For Tiffany, it happened in the school cafeteria during her lunch period – The result of Tiffany not wanting to use the girls’ room across from the cafeteria. Apparently, Lilly will only do her bowel movements in the 2nd Floor girls’ room and just holds it in if she can’t get to that particular facility. This was her 3rd such offense this school year. They each received a punishment commensurate with the violation – Lilly getting 2 hours detention and 200 lines to write while Tiffany got 3 hours detention and 300 lines. Each girl dutifully served her detention and promptly completed her punishment assignment.

But Lilly and Tiffany are back before the TVPC today because there is still an outstanding matter on these cases. School policy dictates that for all disciplinary matters – whether they be toilet-related matters handled by the TVPC or regular school offenses handled by the principal – a copy of the Violation Report is sent home to the girl’s parents. That note must then be signed by a parent and handed back in to the TVPC. A girl has 1 week in which to get the signed Violation Report back to the TVPC. It’s a routine matter for most, but for some girls, they really don’t want their parents to find out they got in trouble at school – particularly when it’s for a toilet-related reason and especially when it’s for going in their pants. Lilly and Tiffany have not handed in their signed Violation Report for the accident each had last week.

Turning my attention first to Tiffany, I ask her if she has it ready to be handed in. She shakes her head “no.” “It’s been a week, young lady,” I remind her, “You need to get that Violation Report signed and handed in.” “Maybe you don’t want your mom to find out that you messed in your panties last week, but she has to find out eventually,” I point out, “You’re only hurting yourself the longer you wait to get that done.” I then instruct the TVPC clerk to hand Tiffany 2 sheets of paper. “That’s going to be 100 times of ‘I must remember to get my Violation Report signed,’” I inform her. I also inform her that, unlike other TVPC writing assignments which are due in 1 week, this 100 times is due tomorrow. “If you’re smart, you’ll hand in BOTH the 100 times and the Violation Report tomorrow,” I tell her, “And you’ll just have to face whatever consequences you’re going to get from your mom.” “I can’t believe that your consequences will get any better the longer you wait,” I add.

Now, turning my attention to Lilly, I note that her Violation Report was due to be handed in yesterday. Consequently, she already appeared before the TVPC about this yesterday and already has a 100 time assignment due today. Fortunately for her, she has the completed 100 times and hands that in, but unfortunately she still does NOT have the signed Violation Report. “Well, that’s going to be another 100 times for tomorrow,” I tell her, “As I told Tiffany, you’re only making it worse on yourself by not getting your Violation Report signed. But Lilly explains that she just can’t tell her mom about this. “I just can’t,” the sophomore tells us. “My mom was mad enough the last time I did this,” Lilly continues, “I got grounded for 2 weeks.” “She’s going to go crazy if she finds out about this one, too,” she explains in her typically overdramatic tone, “This time I’m going to be like GROUNDED FOR LIFE.” “I just can’t tell my mom about this – I just can’t!” “Well, you’re just going to have to,” I tell her sternly

“I guess you should have thought about that before you messed in your pants,” I point out, in no uncertain terms. “Miss Spellman is typically very nice about giving girls passes to the girls’ room when they need them,” I tell Lilly, “But you certainly can’t expect her to be cooperative with you when you’re disrupting class and haven’t even done your homework.” “You’re going to have to get that report signed sooner or later,” I tell Lilly, “You’re only making it worse for yourself by putting it off.”

“The first 3 days your Violation Report is late, you write 100 times each day,” I remind her, “And then the next 2 days, you write 250 times each day.” “And then finally you get 1 day when it’s 500 times,” I point out, “And after that we don’t even bother with writing assignments anymore.” Lilly and Tiffany both look at me puzzled. “What happens after that?” they both ask, almost in unison. “After that we just put you on toilet suspension,” I tell them, “And you stay on toilet suspension until you get that Violation Report signed and handed in.” “That way you can explain to your moms why you’re going in your pants in school everyday,” I tell them, “And both ways in your pants, on occasion, to be sure.” I hope that this gives these girls something to think about. I’m sure it’s not easy for a high school girl to have to tell her mom that she’s done a mess in her panties again, but it’s something that these girls have just got to do.

So concludes another session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee. Meeting adjourned at 3:57 PM.

[Guest]

I can't believe Mrs. Duncan was so harsh with Teddy when she clearly has toilet issues of her own, namely clogging toilets. I shudder to think what would happen if Mrs. Duncan didn't make it to the toilet on time. And what about Miss Musso? It's almost like she's getting accustomed to having accidents. With role models like this, no wonder the TVPC is so busy.

[spandexman]

Good old Grace

My favorite coach just continues to soil her spandex shorts. Oh what a shame. I'll bets she shits herself all the time, like a drunk driver it isn't just the one time. Would love to help clean her up though.

Great report as always and your staff is more Accident prone than the students.

Thanks.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Thanks

Thanks to both of you for your kind comments. It was indeed surprising to see Mrs. Duncan being so hard on Teddy especially when she is usually so nice and forgiving when other students have accidents. Call it a hunch, but I have a feeling that's going to come back and haunt Mrs. Duncan. And I don't know what it is with Mrs. Musso and her accidents. I think she figured she could slack off this time since she wasn't representing the school when it happened. It's too bad she forgot about the 5,000 times assignment from before that was just waiting to be finished. Hopefully she'll learn her lesson this time. It's certainly a tough job being TVPC chairman -- Especially with such poor role models as Miss Musso -- but somebody's got to do it! Thanks again.