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Tvpc 03-04-2011 (story)
Welcome to the latest session of the secondary branch of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee, or TVPC. As regular readers know, this version of the TVPC is held after school in Room 210. This branch of the TVPC was founded specifically to investigate and punish the toilet infractions of the male student populace, but as the main branch has so much to deal with, we have taken on some of the female student body as well.
Before I get into the minutes of today's session, I would like to relate something that happened earlier in the day, something with a direct relevance to the TVPC. Last night, two students known very well to those who have been following these TVPC reports, Kimmy and Kelly, went to the local media with evidence of all the wrongdoings of two disgraced teachers, Mrs. Nash and Mrs. Corbin. Regular readers know that these wretched women spiked the drinks of students with a powerful laxative to get them to befoul themselves for their own perverse sexual desires! The two girls also uncovered evidence that the principal was keeping the two women's shameful activities from being discovered by the school board due to an illicit relationship with both of them! Needless to say, the school was in an uproar the following day. The media arrived in full force, a legion of cameras beaming the spectacle across the nation. Nash, Corbin, and the principal immediately resigned in disgrace, with Vice-Principal Irina Pravado taking over as acting principal. Not only were the Nash, Corbin, and the ex-principal taken into police custody for questioning, they were slapped with a multi-million dollar lawsuit filed on behalf of Kimmy, Kelly, and all the other wronged students. I seriously doubt that we will be hearing from those two horrid women ever again.
At the end of the school day, the jubilant students, who had been prepared to stage a walkout over Corbin and Nash's continued employment, filed into the TVPC room for that day's session. Ever since this branch of the TVPC has started, most of the cases have been brought to us by female students eager to get the boys in trouble--our first case was no different. Ida No, a pretty junior, brought an accusation against a boy who should be quite familiar to readers of the TVPC. As recorded in our December 15, 2010 session, Jake Gallows was caught masturbating in the boy's room. Today, Ms. No accused him of a similar infraction.
"I went into the New Edition Wing's ladies room to um--do a poo, as they say," the pretty Asian girl said as her cheeks turned red. "Is it ok to say "poo" in here?"
"It's fine," I replied. "Go on."
"Well, I went into a stall, sat down, and started doing my business." Ms. No went on. "After a few minutes, I heard a few soft moans coming from the stall next to me. I just assumed it was another girl "making a deposit," so I just ignored it and went on defecating. After awhile, I heard a different noise coming from the other stall--it sounded all wet and gross, just like the noise my kid brother makes when he plays with himse--" Ms. No paused and her face went red all over. "Oh, god, I didn't mean--it's not like I watch my brother masturbate or anything--OH, GOD!"
The gallery erupted with laughter. I banged my gavel and called for order. "Continue, Ms. No." I sighed.
"Well, um--I decided to investigate that weird noise, so I stood on the toilet seat, looked into the next stall, and I saw Jake FREAKIN' Gallows playing with himself!" Ms. No shrieked. This sent another ripple of laughter through the gallery, but Ms. No continued. "He snuck into the ladie's room and waited for some girl to come in and relieve herself so he could jerk--um--masturbate! When he saw me looking at him over the stall, he kept right on doing it! He sprayed all over the floor!"
The students went mad then, laughing and calling Jake a "jag off." I again called for order. "Mr. Gallows, is this true?" I asked.
"Yes, sir," Jake replied, unable to meet my gaze.
"Oh, Jake!" I sighed. "I can't believe that you snuck into the women's room to pleasure yourself while girls defecate!" More laughter rippled across the room.
"They got websites for that shit, son!" Raheed Jinkinson, a senior, jeered. I tossed him a stick of chalk and motioned to the blackboard that ran along the back of the room. "Shit," he swore and went to the board.
"Mr. Jinkinson, write 100 times, 'I will not interrupt TVPC proceedings.' " I said. "As for you, Jake--"
"Please go easy on him, Mr. Jagganath!" Anji Morra, Jake's girlfriend, said as she held her boyfriend's hand. "He's not a bad kid--just a coprophiliac!" Half the court laughed; the others remained silent, possibly because they had no idea what coprophilia--a perverse interest in human excrement--was.
"Mr. Gallow's sexual proclivities aren't on trial here," I replied. "He has been caught masturbating in school for a second time and he was tresspassing in the women's room! Surely, you understand that he must be punished for this!"
"Yes, sir." Anji dejectedly replied.
"Jake, I am afraid that your inability to control yourself in public will result in a week's suspension," I said. "When you return, you will have to report to the school counselor every day during your free period to help you get a handle on this bad habit of yours. Also, I want you to write 4,000 lines of 'I will not masturbate in school,' which will be due the day you return to school. Futhermore, since you enjoy being in the girl's room so much, you will be cleaning each and every one after school for two weeks. Don't let me catch you in here for this offense again, Mr. Gallows, or your punishment will be far worse," I warned.
"Thank you for being lenient, Mr. Jagganath," Ms. Morra said. It seemed as if Jake had lost his voice, and she had become his spokesperson. "C'mon, Jake," she said, taking the red-faced boy's hand and leading him from the classroom.
The accuser in the next case was also a female student, and, of course, she was informing on the misdeeds of a male student. The young woman's name was Misty Bell, a bookish senior. "Mr. Jagganath," she said as she pushed up her glasses on her nose, I saw Furian Jones mess himself!"
A gasp went up from the audience. Furian Jones, a popular sophomore class rep, had a spotless toilet record. Not only that, but he was an exceptional student who had never had even the slightest infraction of the school's code of conduct. I was having a hard time believing this one.
"You're a fucking liar!" A stricking blonde, whom I recognized at once as Marlissa Cornwall, Furian's girlfriend. "You're just jealous that my Fu-Fu doesn't want your four-eyed ass!"
"MS. CORNWALL!" I roared. "Control yourself or you will be removed." I tossed her a stick of chalk and motioned to the board. "One hundred lines, 'I will not interrupt TVPC proceedings.' Now."
"Crap." The girl disengaged from Furian's arms and walked to the blackboard. I was suprised at the speed at which she wrote; she was certain to be finished by the end of the session!
"Now, Ms. Bell," I said, "No-one filed a report against Mr. Jones or saw him with a mess in his pants. Do you have any evidence to back up your claims?"
"Of course." Ms. Bell pulled her smartphone out of her purse and brought it to me. The video she'd recorded showed a honey-skinned young man with a shaved head walking down a hallway. Suddenly, he stopped and started looking around anxiously. The camera zoomed in on his bottom, which was heavily stained with fecal matter! I passed the phone to the rest of the TVPC members; Ms. Borukaev barely stifled a giggle when she saw it.
"Annette!" I chided.
"Oh--! Sorry, Jagganath!" she smiled.
"Furian, is the person in this video you?" I asked.
"You don't have to say anything, baby!" Marlissa hissed. The blackboard she stood at was almost completely full!
Furian folded his arms and glared. "I have nothing to say."
"What happened to the mess in your pants?" I asked. No response.
"The recording will show what happened to it," Ms. Bell said.
The video on Ms. Bell's cell phone went on to show Marlissa run up to Furian, grab him by the arm, and pull him inside an empty classroom. Seconds later, another student, whose face was concealed by a hooded sweatshirt, entered the room with a pair of pants identical to the ones Furian had soiled draped over his arm. Seconds later, he exited with a trash bag, which probably contained Furian's ruined pants. After that, Furian and Marlissa exited the room arm in arm and smiling broadly.
"You BITCH!" Marlissa shrieked.
"You just earned yourself another 100 lines, young lady," I said. Apparently, Furian and Marlissa had made use of an anti-TVPC organization that operates at the school. Apparently, these students replace the pants and underwear of students who have messed themselves with clothing identical to the ones they soiled! As of yet, we have been unable to learn their identities. "Mr. Jones, I promise you that you won't be punished too severely if you admit your guilt; this is only a first time offense, after all!" I said.
"Fine," he sighed. "I was coming back from the principal's office when I realized that I had to go number 2. I am usually so busy dealing with student goverment business that I sometimes ignore my need to "use it" until the last minute. I am often allowed to go in the faculty bathroom in the principal's office, but I was already in the hallway, and the urge was so strong, I didn't make it more than two steps before I messed myself." A smattering of laughter drifted through the chamber.
"I met up with Furian for lunch like I do everyday," Marlissa said while furiously writing her lines. "I saw what he had done and I--um--contacted someone who knew a guy who knew the anti-TVPC people. And I guess you know the rest."
After conferring with my colleagues, I decide to give Mr. Jones an exceptionally light sentence. "Furian, you are sentenced to a week of toilet detention. You will spend thirty minutes each day sitting on a toilet before and after your student government sessions. As for you, Marlissa, for attempting to cover up Furian's accident--well, I suppose that the lines you are writing right now can be counted as a part of your punishment. If you give up the names of any of the anti-TVPC members or their associates, your sentence will be cut in half."
"I can't do that, sir." the young blonde murmured.
"Very well, then." I replied. "I want 500 lines from each of you--'I will not try to cover up accidents'--due by tomorrow."
"SERIOUSLY, Mr. Jagganath?" Marlissa whined. "My fingers are going to be mad sore by the time I'm done writing lines on the blackboard!"
"That is why it is called a PUNISHMENT, Ms. Cornwall." I replied.
"Yes, sir." Marlissa sighed. Furian sat in the audience, waiting for his girlfriend to finish as many of her lines as she could. This incident seems not to have affected his popularity in the least; girls were all over him, a fact that didn't go unoticed by Marlissa! She began writing faster than ever.
"Ms. Bell, one more thing," I said.
"Yes?" Misty replied.
"Just how did you happen to be filming Furian BEFORE he soiled himself?"
"Um---well..."
"Misty is my Fu-Fu's unofficial videographer," Marlissa chuckled as she wrote on the blackboard.(Fu-Fu is Ms. Cornwall's nickname for Furian) "She follows him around all day and films him for her little website devoted to him. My poor baby can' teven take a dump without Ina filming it, as you can see!"
As laughter once again erupted in the room, Ms. Bell's cinnamon skin became tinged with red and she ran from the room. Poor girl! I sighed and went on to the next case.
The next case was brought before the committee by Ms. Poole, the perky young coach of the girl's swimming team. She accused Erika Christensen, a buxom blonde junior, of having an accident in the pool during practice.
"At least I think it was an accident," Ms. Poole clarified."I can't say for sure. I watched her doing laps and then when she did a dive, I noticed a huge lump in the bottom of her suit."
Erika, who was quite the little SWIMFAN before she joined the Girl's Swim Team, turned up in the TVPC room in her swimsuit, a dark blue one piece. Most of the males in the room whistled and made catcalls at the girl; I pounded my gavel and called for order. It was pretty obvious that she had messed herself as she drew near; the pungent odor of her bowel movement was a dead give-away.
"What do you have to say for yourself, young lady?" I asked.
"Nothin.' " was her reply.
"I beg your pardon?"
"What can I say?" Erika replied. "I'm guilty, ok? Let's not drag this out."
"Hold on," I said. "Why don't you tell us what happened?"
"Why?" the blonde whined.
"Your testimony will help us determine your punishment--or if you get punished at all." I explained.
The girl exhaled before beginning. "Well, I'd been having stomach cramps all day. I didn't think too much of that because my period's on it's way, and I usually cramp like crazy before it begins. Anyway, when I got in the pool, the warm water made me feel better. It relaxed my stomach muscles, I guess.Maybe it relaxed my bowels as well. I honestly didn't even feel myself having a bowel movement, Mr. Jagganath. After I had done a few laps, Ms. Poole and the other girls started screamin' for me to get out of the water. You know the rest."
"Did you even attempt to use the toilet before practice?" I asked.
"I went, but all I had to do was pee," Erika replied.
"Urinate," I corrected.
"Most people say I'm a 'ten' !" Erika grinned.
A few people in the room chuckled at her bad joke, others groaned. I merely smirked and nudged Ms Borukaev, who was covering her mouth to conceal her laughter. "Hilarious," I said.
"Sorry!" Erika beamed. "I just couldn't resist!"
"If you don't mind, I would like to get back to the case." I replied.
"OK." Erika smiled. "I URINATED before practice, but I didn't--" She beckoned to me with her index and middle fingers, asking me to supply the correct word.
"Defecate." I answered.
"That sounds REALLY gross!" Erika grimaced. "Yeah, I didn't have to...do that." She sighed. "Are we done?"
"One final question," I said. "Did you do this on purpose?"
"Hell no!" Erika snapped. "I'm not one of those gross shit freaks!" She quickly slapped a hand over her mouth. "Aw, man--I'm sorry! Please don't make me write lines! Doin' that shi--stuff fuc--messes up my nails!"
"I'll let your profanities slide this one time," I sighed. "Ms. Christensen, you have an exemplary toileting record--since this is your first offense, I'm going be lenient. After you leave here, you are to report to the gynasium, drain the pool, and clean it. The maintainence technicians will assist you. You will remain in your soiled swimsuit for the duration of the cleaning."
"What? Why? It was bad enough that I had to wear that fucking thing in here!" Erika whined.
"Wearing your soiled swimsuit will be a deterrent against you doing this kind of thing ever again," I explained. "Oh, and I know it wrecks havoc with your nails, but you just earned yourself 100 lines."
"Shit," the girl muttered.
"200 lines--'I will not use profanity during a TVPC session'--due tomorrow. Also, for one week you will spend thirty minutes before swimming practice sitting on the toilet." As her teamates watching from the audience laughed at her misfortune, I said, "Oh, if anyone teases you during your toilet detention, they'll find themselves sat right beside you. Now, please don't let me catch you in here again, Erika."
"Yes sir. I won't be back." With that, the blonde went off to begin her punishment.
The next case was brought to me by Ms. Pond, the teacher of History 101.
"Right," the gorgeous redhead began, "I caught Freddy Gong here sneaking out of the first floor ladies room! As if that wasn't bad enough, he'd had a massive bowel movement in his trousers AND he urinated all over himself as well! What's the bloody point of sneakin' into the ladies if you're just going to wee and mess yourself?"
Freddy stood shivering before the TVPC--he was quite a mess! His jeans were absolutely saturated with urine, and his rear was caked with excrement! "Freddy, what do you have to say for yourself?" I inquired angrily.
The skinny Asian-American boy shuddered before he spoke "I--um--really had to go REAL bad, you know? I knew I would never make it to the boy's room, so I ducked into the girl's room: unfortunately, it was too late and I kinda...messed myself."
"He's lying, Mr. Jagganath." A pretty brunette girl in the audience said. She was Samantha 'Sam' McPherson, a reporter for the school newspaper. She is the step-sister of Brooke McQueen, a POPULAR cheerleader at the school.
"Sam, stay out of this!" Freddy hissed.
"NO!" Sam shrieked. "May I approach the bench, sir?"
"You may," I replied.
Sam walked forward and stood next to the miserable looking Freddy. "Sir, does this look like something one person could produce?" She said as she indicated the mess in his pants.
"No," I gasped. "Freddy?"
"I DID THIS!" Freddy insisted.
"Sir, Freddy has been being bullied for quite some time..." Sam began.
"SAMANTHA, SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Freddy shouted.
"...by Nicole Julian." Sam finished.
The audience let out a collective gasp. Nicole Julian was also a very POPULAR cheerleader at the school, a teamate of Sam's sister.
"You were bullied by a GIRL?" a young man jeered. "What a homo!"
"Remove that young man from this court," I said calmly. "Freddy? Is this true? Did Nicole do this to you?"
"Yes," Freddy sighed.
"LIAR!" Nicole, a spikey haired blonde, burst into the TVPC room. Sam's sister, the e qually blonde Brooke, stood beside her. "I didn't touch that little--!"
"QUIET!" I said. "Freddy?"
Freddy looked at Nicole and started trembling; she was giving him a look that would melt steel."S-she didn't..."
"You don't have to be scared, Freddy." Sam said. "Brooke?"
Brooke sighed and came to stand beside her sister. "Don't do this, McQueen," Nicole threatened.
"You don't scare me, Nicole," Brooke sneered. "What are you gonna do, run me over with your car or something?"
"Don't go giving that psycho any ideas," Sam whispered in her sister's ear.
"Sir, I saw Nicole teasing Freddy," Brooke said. "She does it most every day--just comes up to his locker, grabs his bottom, and says things like 'Hey, you little queen--what color panties you got on today?' or 'You are such a homo.' "
"McQueen, you are so dead!" Nicole fumed.
"So today, as we were going to cheerleading practice, she spotted Freddy and started harrassing him again." Brooke said. "I tried to stop her, but her and a group of other girls grabbed Freddy and drug him inside the girl's room..."
"She said she was gonna rape me...gonna show me what it was like to..screw a woman," Freddy sighed. "Kept using homophobic slurs--they pulled my pants down and--um--urinated all over my crotch. Then they went into a stall and got some feces out of a bowel and..."
"NICOLE JULIAN!" I shout. "Is any of this true?"
"Yeah." Nicole sighed. "I did it, ok?"
"You have no idea how much trouble you are in," I said. "Bullying and sexual harrasment are a major no-no in this school. You now have two weeks of suspension. When you return, you won't be seeing the inside of a bathroom for some time; two months of toilet suspension. Not only that, I am insisting you go to a boot camp that will help you deal with your issues. If I hear about you doing anything like this again, you will be expelled, do you hear me??"
"Yes, sir," Nicole dejectedly replied.
"Freddy, obviously all charges against you will be dropped," I said to the poor boy. "I am recommending counseling for you as well."
And with that, the latest session of the TVPC came to a close. Meeting adjorned at 3:55 PM.
Before I get into the minutes of today's session, I would like to relate something that happened earlier in the day, something with a direct relevance to the TVPC. Last night, two students known very well to those who have been following these TVPC reports, Kimmy and Kelly, went to the local media with evidence of all the wrongdoings of two disgraced teachers, Mrs. Nash and Mrs. Corbin. Regular readers know that these wretched women spiked the drinks of students with a powerful laxative to get them to befoul themselves for their own perverse sexual desires! The two girls also uncovered evidence that the principal was keeping the two women's shameful activities from being discovered by the school board due to an illicit relationship with both of them! Needless to say, the school was in an uproar the following day. The media arrived in full force, a legion of cameras beaming the spectacle across the nation. Nash, Corbin, and the principal immediately resigned in disgrace, with Vice-Principal Irina Pravado taking over as acting principal. Not only were the Nash, Corbin, and the ex-principal taken into police custody for questioning, they were slapped with a multi-million dollar lawsuit filed on behalf of Kimmy, Kelly, and all the other wronged students. I seriously doubt that we will be hearing from those two horrid women ever again.
At the end of the school day, the jubilant students, who had been prepared to stage a walkout over Corbin and Nash's continued employment, filed into the TVPC room for that day's session. Ever since this branch of the TVPC has started, most of the cases have been brought to us by female students eager to get the boys in trouble--our first case was no different. Ida No, a pretty junior, brought an accusation against a boy who should be quite familiar to readers of the TVPC. As recorded in our December 15, 2010 session, Jake Gallows was caught masturbating in the boy's room. Today, Ms. No accused him of a similar infraction.
"I went into the New Edition Wing's ladies room to um--do a poo, as they say," the pretty Asian girl said as her cheeks turned red. "Is it ok to say "poo" in here?"
"It's fine," I replied. "Go on."
"Well, I went into a stall, sat down, and started doing my business." Ms. No went on. "After a few minutes, I heard a few soft moans coming from the stall next to me. I just assumed it was another girl "making a deposit," so I just ignored it and went on defecating. After awhile, I heard a different noise coming from the other stall--it sounded all wet and gross, just like the noise my kid brother makes when he plays with himse--" Ms. No paused and her face went red all over. "Oh, god, I didn't mean--it's not like I watch my brother masturbate or anything--OH, GOD!"
The gallery erupted with laughter. I banged my gavel and called for order. "Continue, Ms. No." I sighed.
"Well, um--I decided to investigate that weird noise, so I stood on the toilet seat, looked into the next stall, and I saw Jake FREAKIN' Gallows playing with himself!" Ms. No shrieked. This sent another ripple of laughter through the gallery, but Ms. No continued. "He snuck into the ladie's room and waited for some girl to come in and relieve herself so he could jerk--um--masturbate! When he saw me looking at him over the stall, he kept right on doing it! He sprayed all over the floor!"
The students went mad then, laughing and calling Jake a "jag off." I again called for order. "Mr. Gallows, is this true?" I asked.
"Yes, sir," Jake replied, unable to meet my gaze.
"Oh, Jake!" I sighed. "I can't believe that you snuck into the women's room to pleasure yourself while girls defecate!" More laughter rippled across the room.
"They got websites for that shit, son!" Raheed Jinkinson, a senior, jeered. I tossed him a stick of chalk and motioned to the blackboard that ran along the back of the room. "Shit," he swore and went to the board.
"Mr. Jinkinson, write 100 times, 'I will not interrupt TVPC proceedings.' " I said. "As for you, Jake--"
"Please go easy on him, Mr. Jagganath!" Anji Morra, Jake's girlfriend, said as she held her boyfriend's hand. "He's not a bad kid--just a coprophiliac!" Half the court laughed; the others remained silent, possibly because they had no idea what coprophilia--a perverse interest in human excrement--was.
"Mr. Gallow's sexual proclivities aren't on trial here," I replied. "He has been caught masturbating in school for a second time and he was tresspassing in the women's room! Surely, you understand that he must be punished for this!"
"Yes, sir." Anji dejectedly replied.
"Jake, I am afraid that your inability to control yourself in public will result in a week's suspension," I said. "When you return, you will have to report to the school counselor every day during your free period to help you get a handle on this bad habit of yours. Also, I want you to write 4,000 lines of 'I will not masturbate in school,' which will be due the day you return to school. Futhermore, since you enjoy being in the girl's room so much, you will be cleaning each and every one after school for two weeks. Don't let me catch you in here for this offense again, Mr. Gallows, or your punishment will be far worse," I warned.
"Thank you for being lenient, Mr. Jagganath," Ms. Morra said. It seemed as if Jake had lost his voice, and she had become his spokesperson. "C'mon, Jake," she said, taking the red-faced boy's hand and leading him from the classroom.
The accuser in the next case was also a female student, and, of course, she was informing on the misdeeds of a male student. The young woman's name was Misty Bell, a bookish senior. "Mr. Jagganath," she said as she pushed up her glasses on her nose, I saw Furian Jones mess himself!"
A gasp went up from the audience. Furian Jones, a popular sophomore class rep, had a spotless toilet record. Not only that, but he was an exceptional student who had never had even the slightest infraction of the school's code of conduct. I was having a hard time believing this one.
"You're a fucking liar!" A stricking blonde, whom I recognized at once as Marlissa Cornwall, Furian's girlfriend. "You're just jealous that my Fu-Fu doesn't want your four-eyed ass!"
"MS. CORNWALL!" I roared. "Control yourself or you will be removed." I tossed her a stick of chalk and motioned to the board. "One hundred lines, 'I will not interrupt TVPC proceedings.' Now."
"Crap." The girl disengaged from Furian's arms and walked to the blackboard. I was suprised at the speed at which she wrote; she was certain to be finished by the end of the session!
"Now, Ms. Bell," I said, "No-one filed a report against Mr. Jones or saw him with a mess in his pants. Do you have any evidence to back up your claims?"
"Of course." Ms. Bell pulled her smartphone out of her purse and brought it to me. The video she'd recorded showed a honey-skinned young man with a shaved head walking down a hallway. Suddenly, he stopped and started looking around anxiously. The camera zoomed in on his bottom, which was heavily stained with fecal matter! I passed the phone to the rest of the TVPC members; Ms. Borukaev barely stifled a giggle when she saw it.
"Annette!" I chided.
"Oh--! Sorry, Jagganath!" she smiled.
"Furian, is the person in this video you?" I asked.
"You don't have to say anything, baby!" Marlissa hissed. The blackboard she stood at was almost completely full!
Furian folded his arms and glared. "I have nothing to say."
"What happened to the mess in your pants?" I asked. No response.
"The recording will show what happened to it," Ms. Bell said.
The video on Ms. Bell's cell phone went on to show Marlissa run up to Furian, grab him by the arm, and pull him inside an empty classroom. Seconds later, another student, whose face was concealed by a hooded sweatshirt, entered the room with a pair of pants identical to the ones Furian had soiled draped over his arm. Seconds later, he exited with a trash bag, which probably contained Furian's ruined pants. After that, Furian and Marlissa exited the room arm in arm and smiling broadly.
"You BITCH!" Marlissa shrieked.
"You just earned yourself another 100 lines, young lady," I said. Apparently, Furian and Marlissa had made use of an anti-TVPC organization that operates at the school. Apparently, these students replace the pants and underwear of students who have messed themselves with clothing identical to the ones they soiled! As of yet, we have been unable to learn their identities. "Mr. Jones, I promise you that you won't be punished too severely if you admit your guilt; this is only a first time offense, after all!" I said.
"Fine," he sighed. "I was coming back from the principal's office when I realized that I had to go number 2. I am usually so busy dealing with student goverment business that I sometimes ignore my need to "use it" until the last minute. I am often allowed to go in the faculty bathroom in the principal's office, but I was already in the hallway, and the urge was so strong, I didn't make it more than two steps before I messed myself." A smattering of laughter drifted through the chamber.
"I met up with Furian for lunch like I do everyday," Marlissa said while furiously writing her lines. "I saw what he had done and I--um--contacted someone who knew a guy who knew the anti-TVPC people. And I guess you know the rest."
After conferring with my colleagues, I decide to give Mr. Jones an exceptionally light sentence. "Furian, you are sentenced to a week of toilet detention. You will spend thirty minutes each day sitting on a toilet before and after your student government sessions. As for you, Marlissa, for attempting to cover up Furian's accident--well, I suppose that the lines you are writing right now can be counted as a part of your punishment. If you give up the names of any of the anti-TVPC members or their associates, your sentence will be cut in half."
"I can't do that, sir." the young blonde murmured.
"Very well, then." I replied. "I want 500 lines from each of you--'I will not try to cover up accidents'--due by tomorrow."
"SERIOUSLY, Mr. Jagganath?" Marlissa whined. "My fingers are going to be mad sore by the time I'm done writing lines on the blackboard!"
"That is why it is called a PUNISHMENT, Ms. Cornwall." I replied.
"Yes, sir." Marlissa sighed. Furian sat in the audience, waiting for his girlfriend to finish as many of her lines as she could. This incident seems not to have affected his popularity in the least; girls were all over him, a fact that didn't go unoticed by Marlissa! She began writing faster than ever.
"Ms. Bell, one more thing," I said.
"Yes?" Misty replied.
"Just how did you happen to be filming Furian BEFORE he soiled himself?"
"Um---well..."
"Misty is my Fu-Fu's unofficial videographer," Marlissa chuckled as she wrote on the blackboard.(Fu-Fu is Ms. Cornwall's nickname for Furian) "She follows him around all day and films him for her little website devoted to him. My poor baby can' teven take a dump without Ina filming it, as you can see!"
As laughter once again erupted in the room, Ms. Bell's cinnamon skin became tinged with red and she ran from the room. Poor girl! I sighed and went on to the next case.
The next case was brought before the committee by Ms. Poole, the perky young coach of the girl's swimming team. She accused Erika Christensen, a buxom blonde junior, of having an accident in the pool during practice.
"At least I think it was an accident," Ms. Poole clarified."I can't say for sure. I watched her doing laps and then when she did a dive, I noticed a huge lump in the bottom of her suit."
Erika, who was quite the little SWIMFAN before she joined the Girl's Swim Team, turned up in the TVPC room in her swimsuit, a dark blue one piece. Most of the males in the room whistled and made catcalls at the girl; I pounded my gavel and called for order. It was pretty obvious that she had messed herself as she drew near; the pungent odor of her bowel movement was a dead give-away.
"What do you have to say for yourself, young lady?" I asked.
"Nothin.' " was her reply.
"I beg your pardon?"
"What can I say?" Erika replied. "I'm guilty, ok? Let's not drag this out."
"Hold on," I said. "Why don't you tell us what happened?"
"Why?" the blonde whined.
"Your testimony will help us determine your punishment--or if you get punished at all." I explained.
The girl exhaled before beginning. "Well, I'd been having stomach cramps all day. I didn't think too much of that because my period's on it's way, and I usually cramp like crazy before it begins. Anyway, when I got in the pool, the warm water made me feel better. It relaxed my stomach muscles, I guess.Maybe it relaxed my bowels as well. I honestly didn't even feel myself having a bowel movement, Mr. Jagganath. After I had done a few laps, Ms. Poole and the other girls started screamin' for me to get out of the water. You know the rest."
"Did you even attempt to use the toilet before practice?" I asked.
"I went, but all I had to do was pee," Erika replied.
"Urinate," I corrected.
"Most people say I'm a 'ten' !" Erika grinned.
A few people in the room chuckled at her bad joke, others groaned. I merely smirked and nudged Ms Borukaev, who was covering her mouth to conceal her laughter. "Hilarious," I said.
"Sorry!" Erika beamed. "I just couldn't resist!"
"If you don't mind, I would like to get back to the case." I replied.
"OK." Erika smiled. "I URINATED before practice, but I didn't--" She beckoned to me with her index and middle fingers, asking me to supply the correct word.
"Defecate." I answered.
"That sounds REALLY gross!" Erika grimaced. "Yeah, I didn't have to...do that." She sighed. "Are we done?"
"One final question," I said. "Did you do this on purpose?"
"Hell no!" Erika snapped. "I'm not one of those gross shit freaks!" She quickly slapped a hand over her mouth. "Aw, man--I'm sorry! Please don't make me write lines! Doin' that shi--stuff fuc--messes up my nails!"
"I'll let your profanities slide this one time," I sighed. "Ms. Christensen, you have an exemplary toileting record--since this is your first offense, I'm going be lenient. After you leave here, you are to report to the gynasium, drain the pool, and clean it. The maintainence technicians will assist you. You will remain in your soiled swimsuit for the duration of the cleaning."
"What? Why? It was bad enough that I had to wear that fucking thing in here!" Erika whined.
"Wearing your soiled swimsuit will be a deterrent against you doing this kind of thing ever again," I explained. "Oh, and I know it wrecks havoc with your nails, but you just earned yourself 100 lines."
"Shit," the girl muttered.
"200 lines--'I will not use profanity during a TVPC session'--due tomorrow. Also, for one week you will spend thirty minutes before swimming practice sitting on the toilet." As her teamates watching from the audience laughed at her misfortune, I said, "Oh, if anyone teases you during your toilet detention, they'll find themselves sat right beside you. Now, please don't let me catch you in here again, Erika."
"Yes sir. I won't be back." With that, the blonde went off to begin her punishment.
The next case was brought to me by Ms. Pond, the teacher of History 101.
"Right," the gorgeous redhead began, "I caught Freddy Gong here sneaking out of the first floor ladies room! As if that wasn't bad enough, he'd had a massive bowel movement in his trousers AND he urinated all over himself as well! What's the bloody point of sneakin' into the ladies if you're just going to wee and mess yourself?"
Freddy stood shivering before the TVPC--he was quite a mess! His jeans were absolutely saturated with urine, and his rear was caked with excrement! "Freddy, what do you have to say for yourself?" I inquired angrily.
The skinny Asian-American boy shuddered before he spoke "I--um--really had to go REAL bad, you know? I knew I would never make it to the boy's room, so I ducked into the girl's room: unfortunately, it was too late and I kinda...messed myself."
"He's lying, Mr. Jagganath." A pretty brunette girl in the audience said. She was Samantha 'Sam' McPherson, a reporter for the school newspaper. She is the step-sister of Brooke McQueen, a POPULAR cheerleader at the school.
"Sam, stay out of this!" Freddy hissed.
"NO!" Sam shrieked. "May I approach the bench, sir?"
"You may," I replied.
Sam walked forward and stood next to the miserable looking Freddy. "Sir, does this look like something one person could produce?" She said as she indicated the mess in his pants.
"No," I gasped. "Freddy?"
"I DID THIS!" Freddy insisted.
"Sir, Freddy has been being bullied for quite some time..." Sam began.
"SAMANTHA, SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Freddy shouted.
"...by Nicole Julian." Sam finished.
The audience let out a collective gasp. Nicole Julian was also a very POPULAR cheerleader at the school, a teamate of Sam's sister.
"You were bullied by a GIRL?" a young man jeered. "What a homo!"
"Remove that young man from this court," I said calmly. "Freddy? Is this true? Did Nicole do this to you?"
"Yes," Freddy sighed.
"LIAR!" Nicole, a spikey haired blonde, burst into the TVPC room. Sam's sister, the e qually blonde Brooke, stood beside her. "I didn't touch that little--!"
"QUIET!" I said. "Freddy?"
Freddy looked at Nicole and started trembling; she was giving him a look that would melt steel."S-she didn't..."
"You don't have to be scared, Freddy." Sam said. "Brooke?"
Brooke sighed and came to stand beside her sister. "Don't do this, McQueen," Nicole threatened.
"You don't scare me, Nicole," Brooke sneered. "What are you gonna do, run me over with your car or something?"
"Don't go giving that psycho any ideas," Sam whispered in her sister's ear.
"Sir, I saw Nicole teasing Freddy," Brooke said. "She does it most every day--just comes up to his locker, grabs his bottom, and says things like 'Hey, you little queen--what color panties you got on today?' or 'You are such a homo.' "
"McQueen, you are so dead!" Nicole fumed.
"So today, as we were going to cheerleading practice, she spotted Freddy and started harrassing him again." Brooke said. "I tried to stop her, but her and a group of other girls grabbed Freddy and drug him inside the girl's room..."
"She said she was gonna rape me...gonna show me what it was like to..screw a woman," Freddy sighed. "Kept using homophobic slurs--they pulled my pants down and--um--urinated all over my crotch. Then they went into a stall and got some feces out of a bowel and..."
"NICOLE JULIAN!" I shout. "Is any of this true?"
"Yeah." Nicole sighed. "I did it, ok?"
"You have no idea how much trouble you are in," I said. "Bullying and sexual harrasment are a major no-no in this school. You now have two weeks of suspension. When you return, you won't be seeing the inside of a bathroom for some time; two months of toilet suspension. Not only that, I am insisting you go to a boot camp that will help you deal with your issues. If I hear about you doing anything like this again, you will be expelled, do you hear me??"
"Yes, sir," Nicole dejectedly replied.
"Freddy, obviously all charges against you will be dropped," I said to the poor boy. "I am recommending counseling for you as well."
And with that, the latest session of the TVPC came to a close. Meeting adjorned at 3:55 PM.
With the exception of the swimming girl report--which was based on the movie Swimfan, starring Erika Christensen--and the Popular scene, the rest of these cases, the rest came from my dirty little mind.
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