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Welcome to a session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.
My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of November 18, 2013.
As I open this afternoon’s session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC), I’m pleased to note the success of the school’s football team. They scored a major upset this past Saturday in the semi-finals of the regional playoffs. They’ll play in the regional finals this coming Friday night. I’m even more pleased to note that no one on the cheerleading squad nor any girls in the band had any accidents at the game. “The girls did really well at the game – No accidents at all,” reports Mrs. Duncan, the Assistant Band Director, “I’m really pleased that everyone seemed to use the toilet as they needed to on Saturday.” “They renovated that stadium a lot since the last time we played there,” reports Miss Musso, our Cheerleading Coach, “The bathroom facilities there were really nice – Brand new and immaculately clean with nice stalls and stall doors for privacy.” “I don’t think my girls minding use those bathrooms at all,” the sexy Cheerleading Coach continues, “I really didn’t mind having a bowel movement in there myself.”
It’s certainly good that there were no accidents, but we wouldn’t be discussing this at a TVPC meeting if there had been no toilet violations at all. As I look over the Violation Reports filed from Saturday’s game, I see that we have 3 toilet violations to deal with. One girl is charged with clogging the toilet and 2 girls are charged with urinating in that same clogged toilet. Since the toilet clogging happened first, I’ll deal with that case first.
“I really didn’t mean to clog it, sir, it just happened,” explains Teddy, a very pretty and articulate blonde-haired senior who performs with the band, “It was just one of those times that you go and it’s just too big to flush down.” “You seem to be having those times a lot lately,” I tell Teddy, “As I recall, it happened last month in the girls’ locker room and last summer at band camp.” “Yes, sir,” Teddy says, a bit ashamed. “It’s not that I’m doing it on purpose or anything,” she explains, “It’s just that sometimes when I go, it’s so big that it clogs the toilet.” “Sometimes I get constipated and this is what happens when I finally do go,” she explains further. “I know you don’t do it on purpose,” I tell Teddy sympathetically, “I know that you’re always very responsible when it comes to using the toilet.” I note that Teddy didn’t even put toilet paper into the toilet after she clogged it. “I didn’t want to make it worse by adding toilet paper to the clog,” she tells us, “So I had to save my toilet paper, take it home in my purse, and flush it down the toilet at home later.” I’d have thought, she’d just take it to another stall and flush it there, but apparently the girls’ room there was just too crowded at halftime (when this apparently occurred) for her to do that. But the point is that Teddy did the responsible thing by not putting toilet paper into a toilet that was already clogged.
“I can’t believe that I clogged another toilet – Especially one of those,” Teddy laments, “I could understand at band camp were the toilets were older and they couldn’t flush as much.” “But these were all new super-flush toilets,” the pretty blonde continues, “I really thought they could handle just a bowel movement.” “Well, that was hardly JUST a bowel movement,” chimes in Miss Callahan, who was helping to chaperone the band on Saturday and who filed the Violation Report on Teddy.” “I’m sorry, Teddy, but that bowel movement didn’t even look human,” she tells the senior beauty, “I don’t even want to think about how you got that thing out of you.” “No toilet could handle a bowel movement like that,” she adds. “We’re going to have to talk about this, Teddy,” adds Mrs. Duncan, who also happens to be Teddy’s mom. “It’s not healthy to be having bowel movements so big all the time,” she explains, “We have to make sure you eat better and have regular bowel movements.”
“Like mother, like daughter,” chimes in Miss Mars, from the spectators’ section. Miss Mars, a pretty blonde-haired gym teacher, then explains that she was supervising Saturday morning detention in the gym that morning. This was apparently a special Saturday morning detention for girls misbehaving in gym class. “All the band people were gathering up at school that morning getting ready to get on the bus to go to the game,” Miss Mars tells us, “And I saw Mrs. Duncan go into the coaches’ office – No doubt to use the bathroom in there.” “I didn’t think much of it at the time,” she explains, “But a little while later I had to use the bathroom myself.” “When I went in to use the coaches’ office bathroom, I found the toilet clogged,” the pretty gym teacher explains further, “Someone had dropped a really big bowel movement in there and really clogged it up.” “I had to go use the student toilets in the girls’ locker room,” Miss Mars continues, glaring at Mrs. Duncan in the process. “I mean, I’ll survive,” she adds, “But that’s not exactly a nice place to be doing a bowel movement.” Mrs. Duncan ashamedly nods her head, acknowledging that she did indeed clog it. “I guess I have some issues with bowel movements and clogging toilets myself,” she acknowledges. “Like I said,” Miss Mars smiles at her, “Like mother, like daughter.”
Getting back to Teddy, I have a hard time determining the appropriate punishment for this. It really isn’t her fault that her bowel movement was so big that it clogged the toilet and she was careful not to later add toilet paper in the clog. But this was her 3rd offense for clogging the toilet and it happened while representing the school. Faithful readers of the TVPC surely know that toilet violations by a girl while she is representing the school are considered more serious. Teddy also has a prior toilet offense this year for being late to class because of using the girls’ room. I decide to make her write, “I will not clog the toilet in school or at football games again” 250 times and to serve 2 days in detention. “I also think you need to add some fiber to your diet, Teddy,” I tell her, “I mean, I’m not making that part of your punishment, but I think it would be a good idea. I see Teddy nodding her head in acknowledgement of that. “I still don’t know how you managed to get that thing out of you,” Miss Callahan tells Teddy, “You must have been 5 pounds lighter after dropping that.”
Moving along with our agenda – I next call the names of Alissa, a pretty and outgoing saxophone player in the school band, and Becca, a pretty and very athletic cheerleader. Both girls are charged with urinating in Teddy’s toilet – One girl right after the other. “Didn’t you girls notice that the toilet was clogged?” I ask them, “If that bowel movement was as big as Miss Callahan said, it’s hard to see how you 2 didn’t notice it.” “There’s no way that they didn’t notice it,” argues Miss Callahan, who has brought the charges against these 2 as well.” “Well, we kinda did know it was clogged,” Becca admits, a point to which Alissa nods her head in agreement. “What do you mean you KIND OF knew it was clogged?” I ask them, “Did you know it was clogged or not?” “We knew it was clogged,” Becca then admits. “You knew the toilet was clogged but you used it anyway?” I ask them just to be sure – A question to which both girls answer “yes.”
“We just had to urinate, sir,” Alissa then explains, “It really didn’t seem like a big deal to just do that.” “I mean, Teddy really tore up that toilet,” Alissa explains further, “What difference did it really make that we urinated in it after that?” “And I supposed you each wiped yourself after doing that?” I ask them. They both look at me puzzled. “We’re girls, sir – We have to wipe ourselves when we pee,” Becca then tells me. “If we don’t dry ourselves, it stays wet down there and it gets uncomfortable,” she explains, “And our panties get a little wet as well sometimes when we don’t wipe.” “I only drip-dried at a game earlier this year when there wasn’t any toilet paper in the port-o-potty I was using,” she adds, “And Miss Musso was almost going to charge me for wetting my pants because my panties were wet from not wiping.” “Yes sir – We have to wipe ourselves,” Alissa adds. Immediately, I stop them and change the discussion.
“It’s not about wiping yourselves,” I tell them, “Obviously, the TVPC is in favor of you girls doing that.” “The point is that you both put toilet paper into a toilet that was already clogged,” I explain. “I mean, Teddy drops an enormous bowel movement and she has the good sense to save her toilet paper and not add it to the clog,” I explain further, “And then you 2 come along, urinate on top of the clog and you put toilet paper in the toilet.” “But the toilet was already messed up from Teddy,” Becca argues. “And you 2 then step in and make it worse,” I tell them angrily, “I don’t care that you only made it a little worse, the point is that you DID make it worse.” “The point is that you saw a clogged toilet and you urinated in it anyway,” I angrily lecture the 2 girls some more, “I just can’t believe that you girls would be so irresponsible as to do that.”
Alissa and Becca both go on to tell me how this was at halftime and the girls’ room was crowded and the line was long and all that. “We just wanted to pee and get out of there,” Becca tells us, “So when the stall door opened and Teddy came out, we just went in there and went.” “I told them the toilet was clogged,” Teddy points out, “I told them not to use it because it was clogged but obviously they didn’t listen.” “We just didn’t want to wait for another stall,” Alissa tells us, “We were right there and the toilet was open and we only had to urinate, so we went in and did it.” She then quickly clarifies that the 2 of them didn’t actually go in the stall together. “I went in there first and then Becca went in,” she points out, “I mean, we’re friends but obviously, we don’t use the toilet together.
That much is good but that’s the least of the girls’ problem at this point. They can undoubtedly tell from my tone that I consider this a serious matter, but I’m not sure they fully grasp it. “O.K. – I guess we shouldn’t have gone in that toilet since it was already clogged,” Alissa acknowledges, “I guess that was kind of stupid.” “But is really was only urinating,” she argues again, “I mean, I guess we have to get punished but isn’t urinating less serious than the other?”
Alissa goes on to remind us that last year in school she was punished for using a clogged toilet. “Some girl clogged it by trying to flush a maxi-pad down,” she reminds us, “And myself and another girl got punished for using the toilet after her.” “I went #2 while that other girl only went #1,” she points us, “And my punishment was worse than hers.” “You said that it was because going #2 in clogged toilet was worse than just going #1,” she reminds me. “I guess what I’m saying, sir, is that we both only went #1 this time,” she argues, “So I really don’t think our punishments should be all that bad this time.” “We certainly didn’t mess up the toilet as bad as Teddy did,” she adds.
But Alissa still doesn’t quite get it and I suspect neither does Becca. “It is true that having a bowel movement in that clogged toilet would have been more serious than just urinating in it,” I point out clearly, “But that isn’t the biggest issue here.” “The point is that you girls INTENTIONALLY urinated in a clogged toilet,” I tell them sternly. “You knew the toilet was clogged – And clogged quite badly – And you 2 used it anyway,” I continue, “And that, I’m afraid, is a serious matter.” “I suppose Teddy did create a bigger problem in that toilet than you girls did,” I explain, “But she didn’t do it on purpose.” “Teddy couldn’t control the size of her bowel movement,” I explain further, “But you 2 obviously could control where you urinated that day.” “And unfortunately you girls did all this while you were representing the school as a cheerleader and as a member of the band,” I point out further, “I’m afraid, that’s something that the TVPC simply cannot tolerate.”
“Intentionally urinating in an inappropriate place is quite a serious matter, young ladies,” I tell Alissa and Becca formally, “So I’m afraid you’re each going to have to spend a week on toilet suspension for this.” Both girls are completely stunned by the severity of their sentence. “For one week, you girls will not use any school bathroom for any reason,” I tell them sternly, “And if you can’t hold it in all day, obviously that means you have to do it in your pants.” “In consideration of the toilet suspension, I’ll spare you girls from having to serve detention,” I continue, “But you’ll each have to write “I will not urinate in a clogged toilet in school or at football games again” 500 times. Alissa immediately bursts into tears as a TVPC staffer places the dreaded red wristband on her wrist. The red wristband, of course, identifies a girl on toilet suspension. Becca can barely contain herself as another TVPC staffer does the same to her. Both girls then desperately plead for a lessening of their punishment – Both girls citing their good toilet records so far this year. Alissa’s only toilet violation before this was for using too much toilet paper while Becca’s only toilet offense was for loitering in the girls’ room. “Please sir – That’s got to count for something,” Becca pleads. “Indeed it does,” I tell her, but intending it for both girls, “It counts for you only getting 1 week on toilet suspension instead of 2.” “And it counts for you not having to serve any detention with this,” I add, “Not having to serve detention is no small matter when you can’t use the girls’ room all day.” “I’d rather have the detention than a toilet suspension,” Alissa mumbles through her tears.
Mrs. Duncan, Miss Musso, and even Miss Callahan argue for leniency for the 2 girls. “A toilet suspension seems awfully harsh,” Miss Musso argues, “I know they made a serious mistake but they really are nice girls.” “Maybe you could just give them the detention along with the writing,” she suggests, “Or maybe 1,000 lines instead of 500 along with the detention.” The other 2 women seem to agree with that. Obviously, the 2 girls want that as well. But I remain firm in sticking to the girls’ sentence of a week on toilet suspension. “Alissa and Becca urinated in a clogged toilet on purpose,” I remind the women, “And they did so while representing the school.” “A toilet suspension is certainly the appropriate punishment for that,” I tell them all. “It’ll be a long week for you girls, no doubt,” I tell Alissa and Becca, “But it is only 1 week.” “That is, it’s only 1 week unless you do something stupid like try to use the toilet,” I warn them, “That would mean at least 2 more weeks on toilet suspension.” With that warning, the girls are dismissed. They leave the committee room in tears – With those horrible red wristbands so prominent on their wrists.
The next girl to be called before the TVPC this afternoon – Our first case from today – Is a very pretty and very sweet brunette named Carly. And I’m very surprised to see that the senior honor student is charged with “Panty-Soiling.” Specifically, she is being charged by Dr. Flower -- Her Advanced Physics teacher – With soiling in her panties during class 4th period this morning. Carly, however, has pleaded “Not Guilty” and vehemently denies the charge.
“I didn’t soil my panties – I just didn’t,” Carly says adamantly, “I don’t know what Dr. Flower is talking about but I just didn’t do it.” “Actually, I guess know what Dr. Flower is talking about – She thinks that I did have an accident,” Carly counters, “But she’s just wrong – I just didn’t mess in my panties.” “You most certainly did, young lady,” Dr. Flower tells her sternly, “You may be too embarrassed to admit it, but you definitely did soil your panties in class today, Carly.” “I know it isn’t a particularly bad mess you’ve got – I know that you did manage to do most of it in the toilet,” the strict Science teacher continues, “But you quite obviously did do a little of it in your panties before you got to the toilet.” But once again, Carly denies that she’s had an accident. “Look, I know I’ve got a few streakmarks in my panties from holding it in so long,” Carly acknowledges, “But you can’t call that an accident.” “I made it to the toilet – No way did I have an accident,” Carly argues, “You can even check my panties if you want – I just didn’t have an accident in them.”
As we piece together the facts of this case, it is apparent that Carly had to go during class this morning. But Dr. Flower apparently wasn’t letting anyone go to the girls’ room today. “They had a substitute teacher yesterday and the report wasn’t good,” she tells us, “So the class was being punished today.” “They spent the class today copying pages from the glossary in the back of the textbook,” the pretty but bookish and very strict teacher explains, “And obviously, no one was getting a pass to the girls’ room or anywhere else.” “I didn’t do anything wrong yesterday, but I still got punished,” Carly eagerly points out, “It just isn’t fair that the whole class gets punished when not all of us did something wrong.” “And it’s bad enough that you make us copy pages from the back of the book,” Carly tells her, “But not letting anyone go to the bathroom when we really have to go is just not right.” “And today was Lab Day, so class was a double period,” Carly complains, “That’s a long time to have to hold it in when you REALLY have to go to the bathroom.” “I didn’t do anything wrong at all yesterday,” Carly points out further, “And I still had to sit there holding it in for like an hour and a half because Dr. Flower wouldn’t let me go.” “I really could have had an accident – I really could have messed myself bad,” the well-spoken but usually quite reserved senior asserts, “But fortunately, I did make it to the end of class – Fortunately, I did eventually make it to the girls’ room in time.”
“Correction – You ALMOST made it to the girls’ room in time,” Dr. Flower chimes in, “Or maybe you can say that you made it in time to do MOST of it in the toilet.” “But you definitely didn’t make it completely to the toilet in time,” Dr. Flower argues, “I’m happy that you didn’t have the really bad accident you almost had, but you did indeed have an accident.” “As I said, I realize it wasn’t a very bad accident at all,” the Science teacher continues, “But I saw your panties while you were using the toilet and they definitely had a little fecal stain in them.” “Yes, a little STAIN in them,” Carly acknowledges, “But no way is that an accident.” “You should see all that I did in the toilet,” Carly points out, “A few streakmarks in my panties was nothing compared to that.” “Where do you think those streakmarks come from?” Dr. Flower asks Carly, “They come from some of your bowel movement coming out in your panties.”
This case presents a dilemma for the TVPC. But the dispute here is not really about what happened. The dispute here is really about what exactly defines a panty-soiling violation under TVPC rules. Just because Carly did most of her bowel movement in the toilet doesn’t she can’t be charged with “Panty-Soiling.” A small mess in her panties is still a mess in her panties. But, on the other hand, a few streakmarks in a girl’s panties is not enough to get her punished for it. For an official “Panty-Soiling” to occur, we actually have to have tangible, fecal content in a girl’s panties and only an unusually thick or deep streakmark would qualify as that.
Of course, the only way to determine that would be to send Carly to the girls’ room for a panty inspection. I ask Mrs. Defequer and Miss Sherwood to do the honors and they graciously accept. I need 2 “panty-inspectors” in this case because Dr. Flower has already determined that Carly’s panties are soiled enough for it to be a violation. Both of these teachers (especially Mrs. Defequer) are pretty strict and they won’t hesitate to sustain the charge is Carly’s panties are stained or streakmarked badly enough. Furthermore, Carly will need both of them on her side to escape being punished for this since Dr. Flower is against her. Mrs. Defequer and Miss Sherwood will take Carly down to the hall to the 2nd Floor girls’ room. Once there, Carly will have to take down her jeans and panties. The 2 teachers will then inspect Carly’s panties and make their determination as to whether Carly has soiled her panties or not.
This shouldn’t take long, so we’ll pause the meeting for a moment until they get back.
My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of November 18, 2013.
As I open this afternoon’s session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC), I’m pleased to note the success of the school’s football team. They scored a major upset this past Saturday in the semi-finals of the regional playoffs. They’ll play in the regional finals this coming Friday night. I’m even more pleased to note that no one on the cheerleading squad nor any girls in the band had any accidents at the game. “The girls did really well at the game – No accidents at all,” reports Mrs. Duncan, the Assistant Band Director, “I’m really pleased that everyone seemed to use the toilet as they needed to on Saturday.” “They renovated that stadium a lot since the last time we played there,” reports Miss Musso, our Cheerleading Coach, “The bathroom facilities there were really nice – Brand new and immaculately clean with nice stalls and stall doors for privacy.” “I don’t think my girls minding use those bathrooms at all,” the sexy Cheerleading Coach continues, “I really didn’t mind having a bowel movement in there myself.”
It’s certainly good that there were no accidents, but we wouldn’t be discussing this at a TVPC meeting if there had been no toilet violations at all. As I look over the Violation Reports filed from Saturday’s game, I see that we have 3 toilet violations to deal with. One girl is charged with clogging the toilet and 2 girls are charged with urinating in that same clogged toilet. Since the toilet clogging happened first, I’ll deal with that case first.
“I really didn’t mean to clog it, sir, it just happened,” explains Teddy, a very pretty and articulate blonde-haired senior who performs with the band, “It was just one of those times that you go and it’s just too big to flush down.” “You seem to be having those times a lot lately,” I tell Teddy, “As I recall, it happened last month in the girls’ locker room and last summer at band camp.” “Yes, sir,” Teddy says, a bit ashamed. “It’s not that I’m doing it on purpose or anything,” she explains, “It’s just that sometimes when I go, it’s so big that it clogs the toilet.” “Sometimes I get constipated and this is what happens when I finally do go,” she explains further. “I know you don’t do it on purpose,” I tell Teddy sympathetically, “I know that you’re always very responsible when it comes to using the toilet.” I note that Teddy didn’t even put toilet paper into the toilet after she clogged it. “I didn’t want to make it worse by adding toilet paper to the clog,” she tells us, “So I had to save my toilet paper, take it home in my purse, and flush it down the toilet at home later.” I’d have thought, she’d just take it to another stall and flush it there, but apparently the girls’ room there was just too crowded at halftime (when this apparently occurred) for her to do that. But the point is that Teddy did the responsible thing by not putting toilet paper into a toilet that was already clogged.
“I can’t believe that I clogged another toilet – Especially one of those,” Teddy laments, “I could understand at band camp were the toilets were older and they couldn’t flush as much.” “But these were all new super-flush toilets,” the pretty blonde continues, “I really thought they could handle just a bowel movement.” “Well, that was hardly JUST a bowel movement,” chimes in Miss Callahan, who was helping to chaperone the band on Saturday and who filed the Violation Report on Teddy.” “I’m sorry, Teddy, but that bowel movement didn’t even look human,” she tells the senior beauty, “I don’t even want to think about how you got that thing out of you.” “No toilet could handle a bowel movement like that,” she adds. “We’re going to have to talk about this, Teddy,” adds Mrs. Duncan, who also happens to be Teddy’s mom. “It’s not healthy to be having bowel movements so big all the time,” she explains, “We have to make sure you eat better and have regular bowel movements.”
“Like mother, like daughter,” chimes in Miss Mars, from the spectators’ section. Miss Mars, a pretty blonde-haired gym teacher, then explains that she was supervising Saturday morning detention in the gym that morning. This was apparently a special Saturday morning detention for girls misbehaving in gym class. “All the band people were gathering up at school that morning getting ready to get on the bus to go to the game,” Miss Mars tells us, “And I saw Mrs. Duncan go into the coaches’ office – No doubt to use the bathroom in there.” “I didn’t think much of it at the time,” she explains, “But a little while later I had to use the bathroom myself.” “When I went in to use the coaches’ office bathroom, I found the toilet clogged,” the pretty gym teacher explains further, “Someone had dropped a really big bowel movement in there and really clogged it up.” “I had to go use the student toilets in the girls’ locker room,” Miss Mars continues, glaring at Mrs. Duncan in the process. “I mean, I’ll survive,” she adds, “But that’s not exactly a nice place to be doing a bowel movement.” Mrs. Duncan ashamedly nods her head, acknowledging that she did indeed clog it. “I guess I have some issues with bowel movements and clogging toilets myself,” she acknowledges. “Like I said,” Miss Mars smiles at her, “Like mother, like daughter.”
Getting back to Teddy, I have a hard time determining the appropriate punishment for this. It really isn’t her fault that her bowel movement was so big that it clogged the toilet and she was careful not to later add toilet paper in the clog. But this was her 3rd offense for clogging the toilet and it happened while representing the school. Faithful readers of the TVPC surely know that toilet violations by a girl while she is representing the school are considered more serious. Teddy also has a prior toilet offense this year for being late to class because of using the girls’ room. I decide to make her write, “I will not clog the toilet in school or at football games again” 250 times and to serve 2 days in detention. “I also think you need to add some fiber to your diet, Teddy,” I tell her, “I mean, I’m not making that part of your punishment, but I think it would be a good idea. I see Teddy nodding her head in acknowledgement of that. “I still don’t know how you managed to get that thing out of you,” Miss Callahan tells Teddy, “You must have been 5 pounds lighter after dropping that.”
Moving along with our agenda – I next call the names of Alissa, a pretty and outgoing saxophone player in the school band, and Becca, a pretty and very athletic cheerleader. Both girls are charged with urinating in Teddy’s toilet – One girl right after the other. “Didn’t you girls notice that the toilet was clogged?” I ask them, “If that bowel movement was as big as Miss Callahan said, it’s hard to see how you 2 didn’t notice it.” “There’s no way that they didn’t notice it,” argues Miss Callahan, who has brought the charges against these 2 as well.” “Well, we kinda did know it was clogged,” Becca admits, a point to which Alissa nods her head in agreement. “What do you mean you KIND OF knew it was clogged?” I ask them, “Did you know it was clogged or not?” “We knew it was clogged,” Becca then admits. “You knew the toilet was clogged but you used it anyway?” I ask them just to be sure – A question to which both girls answer “yes.”
“We just had to urinate, sir,” Alissa then explains, “It really didn’t seem like a big deal to just do that.” “I mean, Teddy really tore up that toilet,” Alissa explains further, “What difference did it really make that we urinated in it after that?” “And I supposed you each wiped yourself after doing that?” I ask them. They both look at me puzzled. “We’re girls, sir – We have to wipe ourselves when we pee,” Becca then tells me. “If we don’t dry ourselves, it stays wet down there and it gets uncomfortable,” she explains, “And our panties get a little wet as well sometimes when we don’t wipe.” “I only drip-dried at a game earlier this year when there wasn’t any toilet paper in the port-o-potty I was using,” she adds, “And Miss Musso was almost going to charge me for wetting my pants because my panties were wet from not wiping.” “Yes sir – We have to wipe ourselves,” Alissa adds. Immediately, I stop them and change the discussion.
“It’s not about wiping yourselves,” I tell them, “Obviously, the TVPC is in favor of you girls doing that.” “The point is that you both put toilet paper into a toilet that was already clogged,” I explain. “I mean, Teddy drops an enormous bowel movement and she has the good sense to save her toilet paper and not add it to the clog,” I explain further, “And then you 2 come along, urinate on top of the clog and you put toilet paper in the toilet.” “But the toilet was already messed up from Teddy,” Becca argues. “And you 2 then step in and make it worse,” I tell them angrily, “I don’t care that you only made it a little worse, the point is that you DID make it worse.” “The point is that you saw a clogged toilet and you urinated in it anyway,” I angrily lecture the 2 girls some more, “I just can’t believe that you girls would be so irresponsible as to do that.”
Alissa and Becca both go on to tell me how this was at halftime and the girls’ room was crowded and the line was long and all that. “We just wanted to pee and get out of there,” Becca tells us, “So when the stall door opened and Teddy came out, we just went in there and went.” “I told them the toilet was clogged,” Teddy points out, “I told them not to use it because it was clogged but obviously they didn’t listen.” “We just didn’t want to wait for another stall,” Alissa tells us, “We were right there and the toilet was open and we only had to urinate, so we went in and did it.” She then quickly clarifies that the 2 of them didn’t actually go in the stall together. “I went in there first and then Becca went in,” she points out, “I mean, we’re friends but obviously, we don’t use the toilet together.
That much is good but that’s the least of the girls’ problem at this point. They can undoubtedly tell from my tone that I consider this a serious matter, but I’m not sure they fully grasp it. “O.K. – I guess we shouldn’t have gone in that toilet since it was already clogged,” Alissa acknowledges, “I guess that was kind of stupid.” “But is really was only urinating,” she argues again, “I mean, I guess we have to get punished but isn’t urinating less serious than the other?”
Alissa goes on to remind us that last year in school she was punished for using a clogged toilet. “Some girl clogged it by trying to flush a maxi-pad down,” she reminds us, “And myself and another girl got punished for using the toilet after her.” “I went #2 while that other girl only went #1,” she points us, “And my punishment was worse than hers.” “You said that it was because going #2 in clogged toilet was worse than just going #1,” she reminds me. “I guess what I’m saying, sir, is that we both only went #1 this time,” she argues, “So I really don’t think our punishments should be all that bad this time.” “We certainly didn’t mess up the toilet as bad as Teddy did,” she adds.
But Alissa still doesn’t quite get it and I suspect neither does Becca. “It is true that having a bowel movement in that clogged toilet would have been more serious than just urinating in it,” I point out clearly, “But that isn’t the biggest issue here.” “The point is that you girls INTENTIONALLY urinated in a clogged toilet,” I tell them sternly. “You knew the toilet was clogged – And clogged quite badly – And you 2 used it anyway,” I continue, “And that, I’m afraid, is a serious matter.” “I suppose Teddy did create a bigger problem in that toilet than you girls did,” I explain, “But she didn’t do it on purpose.” “Teddy couldn’t control the size of her bowel movement,” I explain further, “But you 2 obviously could control where you urinated that day.” “And unfortunately you girls did all this while you were representing the school as a cheerleader and as a member of the band,” I point out further, “I’m afraid, that’s something that the TVPC simply cannot tolerate.”
“Intentionally urinating in an inappropriate place is quite a serious matter, young ladies,” I tell Alissa and Becca formally, “So I’m afraid you’re each going to have to spend a week on toilet suspension for this.” Both girls are completely stunned by the severity of their sentence. “For one week, you girls will not use any school bathroom for any reason,” I tell them sternly, “And if you can’t hold it in all day, obviously that means you have to do it in your pants.” “In consideration of the toilet suspension, I’ll spare you girls from having to serve detention,” I continue, “But you’ll each have to write “I will not urinate in a clogged toilet in school or at football games again” 500 times. Alissa immediately bursts into tears as a TVPC staffer places the dreaded red wristband on her wrist. The red wristband, of course, identifies a girl on toilet suspension. Becca can barely contain herself as another TVPC staffer does the same to her. Both girls then desperately plead for a lessening of their punishment – Both girls citing their good toilet records so far this year. Alissa’s only toilet violation before this was for using too much toilet paper while Becca’s only toilet offense was for loitering in the girls’ room. “Please sir – That’s got to count for something,” Becca pleads. “Indeed it does,” I tell her, but intending it for both girls, “It counts for you only getting 1 week on toilet suspension instead of 2.” “And it counts for you not having to serve any detention with this,” I add, “Not having to serve detention is no small matter when you can’t use the girls’ room all day.” “I’d rather have the detention than a toilet suspension,” Alissa mumbles through her tears.
Mrs. Duncan, Miss Musso, and even Miss Callahan argue for leniency for the 2 girls. “A toilet suspension seems awfully harsh,” Miss Musso argues, “I know they made a serious mistake but they really are nice girls.” “Maybe you could just give them the detention along with the writing,” she suggests, “Or maybe 1,000 lines instead of 500 along with the detention.” The other 2 women seem to agree with that. Obviously, the 2 girls want that as well. But I remain firm in sticking to the girls’ sentence of a week on toilet suspension. “Alissa and Becca urinated in a clogged toilet on purpose,” I remind the women, “And they did so while representing the school.” “A toilet suspension is certainly the appropriate punishment for that,” I tell them all. “It’ll be a long week for you girls, no doubt,” I tell Alissa and Becca, “But it is only 1 week.” “That is, it’s only 1 week unless you do something stupid like try to use the toilet,” I warn them, “That would mean at least 2 more weeks on toilet suspension.” With that warning, the girls are dismissed. They leave the committee room in tears – With those horrible red wristbands so prominent on their wrists.
The next girl to be called before the TVPC this afternoon – Our first case from today – Is a very pretty and very sweet brunette named Carly. And I’m very surprised to see that the senior honor student is charged with “Panty-Soiling.” Specifically, she is being charged by Dr. Flower -- Her Advanced Physics teacher – With soiling in her panties during class 4th period this morning. Carly, however, has pleaded “Not Guilty” and vehemently denies the charge.
“I didn’t soil my panties – I just didn’t,” Carly says adamantly, “I don’t know what Dr. Flower is talking about but I just didn’t do it.” “Actually, I guess know what Dr. Flower is talking about – She thinks that I did have an accident,” Carly counters, “But she’s just wrong – I just didn’t mess in my panties.” “You most certainly did, young lady,” Dr. Flower tells her sternly, “You may be too embarrassed to admit it, but you definitely did soil your panties in class today, Carly.” “I know it isn’t a particularly bad mess you’ve got – I know that you did manage to do most of it in the toilet,” the strict Science teacher continues, “But you quite obviously did do a little of it in your panties before you got to the toilet.” But once again, Carly denies that she’s had an accident. “Look, I know I’ve got a few streakmarks in my panties from holding it in so long,” Carly acknowledges, “But you can’t call that an accident.” “I made it to the toilet – No way did I have an accident,” Carly argues, “You can even check my panties if you want – I just didn’t have an accident in them.”
As we piece together the facts of this case, it is apparent that Carly had to go during class this morning. But Dr. Flower apparently wasn’t letting anyone go to the girls’ room today. “They had a substitute teacher yesterday and the report wasn’t good,” she tells us, “So the class was being punished today.” “They spent the class today copying pages from the glossary in the back of the textbook,” the pretty but bookish and very strict teacher explains, “And obviously, no one was getting a pass to the girls’ room or anywhere else.” “I didn’t do anything wrong yesterday, but I still got punished,” Carly eagerly points out, “It just isn’t fair that the whole class gets punished when not all of us did something wrong.” “And it’s bad enough that you make us copy pages from the back of the book,” Carly tells her, “But not letting anyone go to the bathroom when we really have to go is just not right.” “And today was Lab Day, so class was a double period,” Carly complains, “That’s a long time to have to hold it in when you REALLY have to go to the bathroom.” “I didn’t do anything wrong at all yesterday,” Carly points out further, “And I still had to sit there holding it in for like an hour and a half because Dr. Flower wouldn’t let me go.” “I really could have had an accident – I really could have messed myself bad,” the well-spoken but usually quite reserved senior asserts, “But fortunately, I did make it to the end of class – Fortunately, I did eventually make it to the girls’ room in time.”
“Correction – You ALMOST made it to the girls’ room in time,” Dr. Flower chimes in, “Or maybe you can say that you made it in time to do MOST of it in the toilet.” “But you definitely didn’t make it completely to the toilet in time,” Dr. Flower argues, “I’m happy that you didn’t have the really bad accident you almost had, but you did indeed have an accident.” “As I said, I realize it wasn’t a very bad accident at all,” the Science teacher continues, “But I saw your panties while you were using the toilet and they definitely had a little fecal stain in them.” “Yes, a little STAIN in them,” Carly acknowledges, “But no way is that an accident.” “You should see all that I did in the toilet,” Carly points out, “A few streakmarks in my panties was nothing compared to that.” “Where do you think those streakmarks come from?” Dr. Flower asks Carly, “They come from some of your bowel movement coming out in your panties.”
This case presents a dilemma for the TVPC. But the dispute here is not really about what happened. The dispute here is really about what exactly defines a panty-soiling violation under TVPC rules. Just because Carly did most of her bowel movement in the toilet doesn’t she can’t be charged with “Panty-Soiling.” A small mess in her panties is still a mess in her panties. But, on the other hand, a few streakmarks in a girl’s panties is not enough to get her punished for it. For an official “Panty-Soiling” to occur, we actually have to have tangible, fecal content in a girl’s panties and only an unusually thick or deep streakmark would qualify as that.
Of course, the only way to determine that would be to send Carly to the girls’ room for a panty inspection. I ask Mrs. Defequer and Miss Sherwood to do the honors and they graciously accept. I need 2 “panty-inspectors” in this case because Dr. Flower has already determined that Carly’s panties are soiled enough for it to be a violation. Both of these teachers (especially Mrs. Defequer) are pretty strict and they won’t hesitate to sustain the charge is Carly’s panties are stained or streakmarked badly enough. Furthermore, Carly will need both of them on her side to escape being punished for this since Dr. Flower is against her. Mrs. Defequer and Miss Sherwood will take Carly down to the hall to the 2nd Floor girls’ room. Once there, Carly will have to take down her jeans and panties. The 2 teachers will then inspect Carly’s panties and make their determination as to whether Carly has soiled her panties or not.
This shouldn’t take long, so we’ll pause the meeting for a moment until they get back.
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