Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (Special Session)

[Arnold Ziffel]

Welcome to a SPECIAL SESSION of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Regular meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.

My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the SPECIAL SESSION TVPC meeting of December 18, 2013.

Last night I had the distinct pleasure of attending our school’s Christmas Holiday program. This annual program of band music, vocal music, and dramatic presentation is truly one of the highlights of the school year. It really puts you in the spirit of the season. But while the program was fantastic (as it is ever year), the same cannot be said of the toilet behavior of the girls participating in the program last night. Since this is a school program, the toilet behavior of the girls in the program comes under TVPC jurisdiction. In fact, this qualifies as one of those occasions where the girls are considered to be representing the school. Consequently, any toilet violations that occur at the program are considered more serious than toilet violations occurring during the regular school day. Of course, that’s bad news for all the girls that committed toilet violations at the program last night. And unfortunately, there were so many toilet violations last night that the TVPC had to convene a SPECIAL SESSION at 9:00 AM this morning to deal with all of them.

We first deal with 2 girls in the band – Each charged with “Panty-Soiling” last night. Ruthie, a tall and pretty junior, is a Flute player in the band and Milena, a pretty and well-spoken senior with short blonde hair and glasses, who plays the clarinet. Both girls have prior panty-soiling in school this year (Ruthie, in fact, has 3 prior offenses), but this would be the first one for each while representing the school.

“This was an important band function – Probably the most important function we do all year!” Mr. Hornman, the Band Director, yells at them, “And you 2 girls can’t even be trusted to use the girls’ room when you need to.” “Messing in your panties is disgusting!” he yells at them some more,” I sincerely hope both of you girls are genuinely ashamed of what you did last night.” Looking at the expression on each girl’s face as they stand before me, I’d say that they are both very much ashamed. “Both girls did a full load in her pants,” Mrs. Duncan, the Assistant Band Director, reports, “I mean, I’ve certainly seen messes worse than what these girls did last night, but it’s not like they only went a little in their pants, either.” “I don’t think either girl made any attempt to do that in the toilet last night,” Mrs. Duncan adds, “You girls really do need to learn to do your bowel movements at school – Especially during a big event like we had last night,” she tells them sternly, albeit, a bit more sympathetically than Mr. Hornman, “We just can’t have you messing in your panties at band functions like you did.” “I know you girls may be a bit shy about doing that particular function in the girls’ room at school – Especially when it’s crowded like last night,” she lectures them sympathetically, “But sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.” “I think you 2 are about to find out that there are serious consequences for ignoring the toilet sand messing in your panties at a major school event,” the pretty and outgoing Assistant Band Director tells them. “And neither girl had anything in her panties until the 2nd half of the program last night,” Mrs. Duncan informs me, “That means that neither Milena nor Ruthie used the girls’ room at intermission when she had the chance.

“I went pee,” Milena mumbles meekly, barely audible. We all turn to her and ask her to repeat that. “I went pee at the intermission,” Milena tells us, “Mrs. Duncan said that neither of us used the girls’ room at the intermission, but I went in there to pee at the intermission.” “But obviously, that wasn’t the only thing you needed to do, was it?” I ask her. “I suppose we should be happy you didn’t do that in your pants, too,” I tell her, “But a mess in your panties is nothing to be happy about in any respect.” “I can’t believe that you’d actually go to the girls’ room and not do all that you needed to do in the toilet,” I lecture her, “I can’t believe you’d just go back to your place on stage and mess your panties.”

But Milena argues that it wasn’t like she just messed in her panties on purpose. “I didn’t just decide to go in my pants,” she tells me, “I just decided to hold it in until later, that’s all.” “And how did that work out for you?” I ask her, a tinge of sarcasm in my voice, “And how did it work out for the other girls who were next to you and had to smell it when you did it in your pants?” “You know, it isn’t always easy to hold it in,” she tells me, a little perturbed at my sarcasm. “I’m standing up for most of the program – Especially in the 2nd half, you know,” she explains, “It really is a lot harder to hold it in while you’re standing up instead of sitting down.” That may be true – In fact, it probably is true – But its’ hardly an argument in her favor. “That’s all the more reason why you should have gone in the toilet when you had the chance,” I tell Milena firmly. “If you knew it was going to be a lot harder to hold it in, maybe you shouldn’t have been trying to hold it in,” I point out, “Maybe you should have just done it in the toilet and you wouldn’t have had to worry about holding it in.” “Yes sir,” she tells me, obviously ashamed, “I guess I just wasn’t thinking about that at the time.” “I guess I was just thinking about how I didn’t want to that in the girls’ room while it was so busy,” she explains, “But I guess I should have just done in the toilet then while I had the chance.”

“Indeed you should have,” I tell the short but well-proportioned beauty, “And now I’m afraid you’re about to learn your lesson the hard way.” “I’ve already learned my lesson the hard way, sir,” she tells me, “I had an accident in my pants, my parents made me clean it up when I got home, and now I’m grounded until Christmas.” “Well, now you’re going to get part 2 of learning your lesson the hard way,” I explain, “Now the TVPC is going to make you pay the price for what you did.”

With that, I sentence her to write “I will not soil my panties in school or at band events again” 500 times and to serve a week in detention. “500 times?” she asks in disbelief, “And a whole week in detention?” “This is only my 2nd time,” the articulate senior argues in her defense – Obviously alluding to the fact she’s only had 1 prior panty-soiling this year and no other toilet violations so far. But what she doesn’t understand, of course, is that this was an accident while representing the school. “When you represent the school at an important event like last night, we expect you to be on your best behavior toilet-wise,” I tell her. “When you have an accident at a school function like that, you not only embarrass yourself, but the whole band and even our whole school, I explain, “And you can certainly expect to be punished accordingly.” “So now because you didn’t use the toilet when you were supposed to, you’ll have to write 500 sentences and spend a week in detention,” I explain further, “That is, unless of course, you want to make it worse on yourself by arguing some more.” Not surprisingly, that’s all we hear from Milena.

Now turning to Ruthie, she’s obviously in a bit more trouble. “This is your 4th time soiling your panties already this year,” I tell her sternly, “That’s a pretty shameful record.” “And everything that I said to Milena applies to you as well,” I tell the toilet-troubled junior flutist, “Yours is an accident while representing the school as well.” “I’m sorry, sir,” Ruthie tells me as she breaks down in tears, “I really didn’t mean to embarrass the school or the band – I was just trying to hold it in until I got home last night.” “I know you didn’t mean it, Ruthie,” Mrs. Duncan tells her, “But going in your pants like you did last night really does embarrass us all.” “How do you think it looks when you’re on stage performing and people can see that you’ve got a load in your pants?” our Assistant Band Director asks her rhetorically.

“What you did was a disgrace!” Mr. Hornman chimes back in angrily, “What you did was a disgrace to the whole band!” His harsh words only serve to upset the poor girl even more. “I’m sorry,” she mumbles through her tears, “I really didn’t mean to do it.” “What do you mean you didn’t mean to do it,” Mr. Hornman answers her back, “What do you think is going to happen when you need to go and still refuse to go do it in the toilet?” “You knew very well, you were going to end up doing it in your pants last night!” he yells at the tall and pretty junior. I understand that Mr. Hornman is angry today – All these toilet violations from last night certainly don’t put his band in a good light – But he’s only making Ruthie even more upset. I motion for him to calm down a bit.

Asking Ruthie to first take a deep breath, I then point out that these accidents are becoming a big problem for her. “Whether it’s in school or at a school function, you really need to start using the toilet when you need to,” I tell her firmly, but in a decidedly calmer tone, “Obviously, these accidents have got to stop.” “I hope you know that the punishment is only going to be getting worse the more accidents you have,” I tell her, “Don’t you think you’re going to have to learn to do your bowel movements in school when you need to?” “I know, I know I have to stop – It’s so disgusting,” she says in tears, “But sometimes I just can’t – Sometimes I just can’t go at school.” “But I think the point is that sometimes you just have to,” I tell her sympathetically, “Sometimes you just have to go at school or you wind up with messes in your pants.” “I know, I know,” she says, “But I really need to have privacy when I have to do you know what,” she says, “Even if I can’t always got at home, I at least need a lot of privacy If I’m going to go somewhere else.” “I just couldn’t go in that bathroom last night,” she says, “I knew how bad I had to go, but I just couldn’t go in there – Not when it came to what I had to do last night.” “That bathroom was just wall to wall people last night – You wouldn’t believe how crowded it was last night,” Ruthie continues, “I just couldn’t go #2 in there like that.” “I do go #2 sometimes in school now,” she rambles on, suddenly a tinge of pride in her voice, “The last 2 times that I had to go at school, I did go do it in the girls’ room like I was supposed to.” “But I just couldn’t go do it in that girls’ room last night,” she points out, “There was just too many people in there last night – It just wasn’t enough privacy for me to do that.” “The consequences for that are going to be a pretty strict punishment,” I tell her, “I’m afraid you’re really going to have to pay the price for not going to the girls’ room last night when you needed to.”

I’m happy to hear that perhaps she’s found a way to start having her bowel movements in school, but I obviously cannot ignore the fact that she’s done it in her pants on 3 prior occasions already. Accordingly, I sentence her to write “I will not soil my panties in school or at band events again” 1,000 times. “Messing in your panties while representing the school is a serious matter, young lady,” I lecture her, “Especially when you have as many previous accidents in school as you do.” She’ll also have to serve a week in detention but this detention is going to be toilet sitting detention. “And I’m afraid, young lady, that you’re going to sit your time in the girls’ room in the hallway outside the gym near the auditorium,” I next tell her, “That’s the girls’ room that you should have used at the program last night, so that’s the girls’ room where you’re going to have to do your toilet sitting punishment.” Hearing her punishment certainly gives Ruthie no reason to stop crying now.

We actually have a 3rd accusation of panty-soiling from the program last night, but this case is certainly not as cut and dry as the previous 2 cases. In fact, the accused – Ellie, a tall and slim junior with braces – has pleaded “Not Guilty” and is intending to call Mrs. Duncan as a witness in her favor. How Mrs. Duncan can be a witness to Ellie NOT messing in her panties, I’m not really sure, but I suppose we’ll see as the case unfolds. Ellie has been charged with “Panty-Soiling” by Dr. Flower, her Science teacher. Dr. Flower was not there in any official capacity last night – Apparently, she just went to enjoy the show – But she is well within her authority to file a Violation Report if she sees a toilet violation at a school function. The important point is that Ellie was a representative of the school last night – She was singing in the school choir – And is therefore subject to TVPC regulation. But like I said before, the pretty choirgirl has pleaded “Not Guilty” to the panty-soiling.

“I caught Ellie with her messed panties in the girls’ room after the show,” Dr. Flower reports, “She was in the stall with napkins from the concession stand trying to clean herself up as best she could.” “It certainly wasn’t a lot in her panties – I definitely think she managed to do most of her bowel movement in the toilet,” Dr. Flower acknowledges, “But unfortunately, she did do some of it in her pants.” “I did NOT!” Ellie immediately chimes in. Myself and Mrs. Duncan both motion for her to stop. “You’ll get your chance when I call on you,” I tell her. In the meantime, I motion for Dr. Flower to continue.

“Like I said, it was after the show was over and Ellie was in the stall trying to clean it all up as best she could,” Dr. Flower continues, “I’m not sure why but she had a big handful of napkins from the concession stand that she was wiping with.” “It looks like she was able to clean up her panties quite a bit,” the ever-strict Science teacher goes on, “But she couldn’t hide the smeared fecal stains in her panties.” “I did think it strange that she was using those napkins from the concession stand instead of toilet paper,” Dr. Flower points out, “But I don’t think there are any TVPC rules against using napkins to wipe with.”

“I was using the napkins because there was no toilet paper left,” Ellie then responds, “And that’s what this whole thing is about.” “I didn’t mess in my panties – I just didn’t,” she tells me, “This whole thing happened because I didn’t have any toilet paper to wipe myself with.” I look over and see Mrs. Duncan nodding her head in agreement with that. “I didn’t mess in my panties last night – I went in the toilet like I was supposed to,” Ellie then continues, “I went to the girls’ room during the intermission of the show and I did a bowel movement in there.” “It was crowded in the girls’ room during the intermission,” the shy but smart honor student explains, “And I had to hurry to get back to my place on stage before the show started again.” “I just sat down on the first toilet that was open and did my business there,” Ellie explains further, “I just didn’t notice that there was no toilet left.” “I know it sounds stupid, sir – I know I’m suppose to check for it before I sit down – Especially when it’s a #2,” she says, “But I just didn’t check for toilet paper first – I guess I was in too much of a hurry to get my business done and get back for the 2nd half of the concert.”

I look over and see Dr. Flower rolling her eyes at that. “Even if that’s true, it’s still your responsibility to check for toilet paper first,” Dr. Flower tells Ellie, “You’re still responsible for wiping yourself after you use the toilet – Especially when you have a bowel movement.” Actually, that’s not quite true – There’s actually no TVPC rule that says a girl must wipe herself after using the toilet – but there’s no need to get into that now.

Instead, I ask Ellie to continue. “Well sir, I was stuck in the stall and I had nothing to wipe myself with,” she tells me, “So I had no choice but to just pull my panties and get back to my place in the choir.” “When Dr. Flower found me it was after the show and I was in the girls’ room wiping myself,” she says, “I grabbed some napkins from the concession stand, headed to the girls’ room, and I was FINALLY able to wipe myself clean.” “O.K. – My panties got a little messed up from not being able to wipe myself for so long,” she continues, “But it was nothing big, it was only a little bit.” “You certainly can’t call what was there an accident,” she argues, “It was only a few stains in my panties from not wiping right away.” Faithful readers of the TVPC surely know that a girl can end up with a panty-soiling violation from not wiping herself. But that’s only if her panties get soiled badly enough in the process. It takes actually fecal matter in her panties – Not just stains for skidmarks – For it to be considered a legitimate “Panty-Soiling” violation. “I didn’t mess in my panties,” Ellie insists again, “I went in the toilet just like I was supposed to do.” “It wasn’t easy or pleasant using the girls’ room for a #2 with that crowd in there at intermission last night,” she tells me, “But I did what I had to do because I didn’t want to risk having an accident.”

You had fecal matter in your panties, young lady,” Dr. Flower lectures her, “That’s not supposed to happen with girls your age – That’s not supposed to happen with girls in high school.” “It’s called ‘Panty-Soiling’ and you get a punishment for that,” Dr. Flower continues, “I don’t care how much of it you were able to clean up before I got there – You still can’t deny that you had some of your bowel movement in those panties of yours.” “But it really was only some stains in my panties – It really wasn’t an accident at all,” Ellie argues, “Please sir, -- There’s no way you can call what I did an accident.” “And I didn’t clean my panties any in the stall – I didn’t need to clean them because they were only stained,” she argues some more, “I was only using the napkins to wipe MYSELF – I was really messy back there.” “I wasn’t cleaning my panties at all when you saw them,” she explains to Dr. Flower, “What you saw in the stall last night was the worst that panties were.” “Like I’ve been saying, they really weren’t that bad at all,” she pleads with the strict Science teacher, “All I had to with the panties was drop them in the laundry when I got home.”

Dr. Flower just shakes her head at the girl. “I’m sorry Ellie, but it was enough to be an accident,” she says, “Whether it was just from not wiping or not, there was still enough in your panties for it to be a Panty-Soiling.” I must say that Dr. Flower has been known to be a bit overzealous in the past in charging girls with “Panty-Soiling” when it’s only tiny little stains or skidmarks in a girl’s panties. She often says that by the time a girl gets to high school, there’s no excuse for even stains in her panties. Even with that in mind, though, I must say that she seems to have made a good case against Ellie here. But Ellie, or course, disagrees. “It’s not a panty-soiling – I just didn’t soil my panties last night or any other time,” she states adamantly, “I went in the toilet like I was supposed to do.” “Do you think I liked going #2 during intermission last night? – Do you think I liked doing that with the crowd that was in there?” she asks rhetorically, “NO! – But I did it anyway because I had to go and I didn’t want to have an accident in my pants.” “But now, I get charged with having an accident, anyway,” she points out, “It just isn’t fair – I just didn’t go in my pants last night.”

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (Special Session)

With that, Mrs. Duncan steps forward. “I thought you were going to call me to be a witness on your behalf,” she reminds the pretty choirgirl. Ellie then nods her head “yes.” “Mrs. Duncan knows that I didn’t mess in my panties,” she tells us, “Mrs. Duncan can tell you what happened.” “She’s telling the truth, Mr. Chairman – She didn’t have an accident,” Mrs. Duncan tells us, “It’s actually not even close to an accident.” She says that last part while glaring at Dr. Flower. “I saw Ellie walking funny to the girls’ room immediately after the show,” Mrs. Duncan says, “Initially, I thought she’d had an accident and I confronted her about that.” “I was only walking that way because my behind was really dirty from not wiping,” Ellie chimes back in, “It felt really sticky and damp and uncomfortable and, of course, I was trying to be careful not to get my panties messed up.” “I definitely suspected that she had had an accident,” Mrs. Duncan continues, “So I followed her to the girls’ room and did a panty-inspection on her.” “It just wasn’t an accident in her pants – It simply wasn’t,” Mrs. Duncan explains further, “Yes, her panties were stained – They were quite noticeably stained – But they were clearly only stained.” “It wasn’t even close to be an accident, Mr. Chairman,” she tells me, all the while glaring at Dr. Flower.

Unfortunately, we don’t have Ellie’s panties here with us today to examine. Apparently, they were thrown into the wash last night. All we have are the conflicting testimonies of 2 teachers and since these teachers are in disagreement, it’s simply not enough to convict the shy and pretty junior of soiling her panties. Furthermore, I’m more inclined to believe the testimony of Mrs. Duncan. Dr. Flower really can be quite the nit-picker when it comes to stained panties and determining whether they constitute an accident or not. Accordingly, Ellie is found “Not Guilty” of “Panty-Soiling” last night. “I trust you’ll check for toilet paper next time before you go,” I tell her. Smiling broadly, she assures me that she will.

That verdict does not sit well with Dr. Flower. “That verdict was a mistake, Mr. Chairman,” she tells me, “If a girl stains her panties like Ellie did, she deserves to be punished.” But that comment doesn’t sit well with Mrs. Duncan. “Oh for Pete’s sake! will you give it a rest already!” she angrily tells the Science teacher, “It was only a few stains in the poor girl’s panties.” “Do you know who many girls would have just held it in rather than use that crowded girls’ room for a bowel movement last night?” Mrs. Duncan lectures Dr. Flower, “I already had 2 girls have accidents because of that.” “Ellie went to the girls’ room like she was supposed to, but unfortunately didn’t have anything to wipe herself with,” she continues angrily, “And now you’re trying to punish her for it.” “Why did you have to nit-pick on stuff like this? Mrs. Duncan asks her, “Why do you have to be like that?”

“Well, maybe if you did your job and stopped making excuses for your girls, they’d learn not to stain their panties anymore?” Dr. Flower fires back, “And that’s to say nothing of the girls in the band and in the choir that just mess their panties outright.” “Maybe then we wouldn’t be needing a special session just to deal with the toilet violations at one of your music events,” Dr. Flower tells her. Those comments, not surprisingly, leave the usually easy-going Mrs. Duncan fuming. “Well, maybe if you’d just let girls go to the bathroom when they need to you in your class, we wouldn’t have so many girls having accidents in the first place,” Mrs. Duncan tells her angrily, “And maybe if you weren’t such a you know what over harmless panty stains we wouldn’t be wasting time with cases like this.” “No wonder why someone wrote ‘Dr. Flower Sucks’ on a girls’ room stall wall last night.” “Ladies! Please!!” I yell at them as I bang my gavel, “That’ll be enough from BOTH of you.” “This case is over and you are dismissed,” I tell then as I call for the next case from our Christmas Holiday program last night.

The next case, not surprisingly, deals with something alluded to in our prior case. It seems that someone wrote “Dr. Flower Sucks” on the girls’ room wall before the program last night. “Fortunately, I discovered it before the program started – Before any of the public even arrived,” reports Mrs. Buchman, an English teacher, “I saw it when I went in there to use the bathroom myself.” “I guess we can thank my 2 daughters for that,” she jokes, “With them hogging both of my bathrooms at home, I had to wait and go at school instead.” “It was written right there on the wall in the first stall,” the pretty Mrs. Duncan tells us, “Written in big letters in bright red lipstick.” She then explains how she immediately went and got a maintenance man to clean it up. “Fortunately, Mr. Norton got it cleaned up right away,” she explains, “Fortunately, that was before the show started and no one form the public saw it.”

“I’m certainly glad it was cleaned up right away before anyone saw it, but that certainly doesn’t excuse what Trish did,” I tell Mrs. Buchman, “This is still a very serious violation.” Trish, an underachieving senior brunette, and a member of the band’s stage crew, stands accused of writing that nasty message in the girls’ room before the show last night.

I must say that I’m certainly surprised to see this type of behavior from you,” I tell Trish – Certainly no angel but the farthest thing from being nasty, either, “Its one thing to write something on the girls’ room wall, but to write ‘Dr. Flower Sucks’ is another thing entirely.” Trish did have a violation for writing on the girls’ room wall back when she was a sophomore, but that was merely writing hers and her new boyfriend’s initials inside a heart. “You should know that this kind of thing is a lot more serious than what you wrote last time,” I tell her, “This kind of graffiti is grounds for a possible toilet suspension, you know.” “Trish looks about ready to panic at hearing that. “Please sir – Please not a toilet suspension,” she pleads, “Please sir – I promise I’ll never write on the bathroom walls again.” “I’ll do anything sir,” she pleads some more, “Please sir – If there is anything you can do to spare me from being on toilet suspension, I’ll do any kind of punishment you want.”

But I have even worse news for the oftentimes loud and perennially underachieving Trish. “I could actually consider giving you a break if this had happened during the school day,” I tell her, “In that case I could have considered that you’ve never done anything this serious before and maybe I could have spared you a toilet suspension.” “Granted it would still be a very serious offense and you’d be quite severely punished,” I clarify, “But perhaps you could have maintained your toilet privileges and continued to use the toilet in school. “But you did this at a school function – You did this while representing the school as part of the band,” I inform her, “Given that and the severity of what you wrote, I have no choice but to put you on toilet suspension for this.” Trish does have prior toilet violations this year for Panty-Soiling (once) and Not Flushing the Toilet After Urinating (twice) as well as Making Unnecessary Comments at a TVPC meeting, but like I’ve noted it’s nothing as serious as this.

Of course, this revelation upsets her even more and she begs me even harder not to do that. “Please sir – There’s got to be something you can do,” she pleads, “There’s got to be some way you can avoid putting me on toilet suspension.” “I swear that I’ll never do anything like that again,” she says. “Well, I do believe you about that – The specter of a toilet suspension can do wonders sometimes,” I tell her, “But the issue is not so much you not doing it again, but your doing it at all.”

“I’m really sorry for doing it – It was a really stupid thing to do,” she says, “I really didn’t mean anything by it.” “You didn’t mean anything by it?” I ask her in disbelief, “You wrote ‘Dr. Flower Sucks’ on the girls’ room wall and you didn’t mean anything by it?” “I don’t know, sir,” she says, “I really don’t know why I did it.” “I guess I was just really angry at Dr. Flower,” Trish tells us, “I guess that’s the reason why I did it.” “I know it’s not an excuse sir, but Dr. Flower just makes me so mad sometimes,” she says, “Two of my friends had accidents and got punished by the TVPC and it was Dr. Flower’s fault.” “Carly already had detention last week for messing her panties in Dr. Flower’s class,” Trish explains, “And that only happened because Dr. Flower wouldn’t let her go to the girls’ room when she asked.” “And the same thing happened to Ally yesterday,” Trish continues, “She messed in her panties, too, because Dr. Flower wouldn’t let her go.” “Ally was my ride home yesterday and she got stuck in detention because Dr. Flower made her soil her panties,” Trish explains further, “And both of us were in a hurry to get home since we had to come back last night for the show.”

“While I was waiting for her to get out of detention yesterday, I had to pee,” Trish goes on to explain, “So I went to the girls’ room to use the toilet there.” “I don’t know, sir, but I was just so mad at Dr. Flower for my friends messing in their panties and getting detention,” she continues, “So I took out my lipstick and just wrote that.” “It was a really stupid thing to do, sir,” she admits, “But I was just so mad at Dr. Flower that I guess I just lost my head.” “I’m sorry sir,” she says again, “I’m really, really sorry for what I did.” And Trish begs me once again not to be put on toilet suspension for this.”

Obviously, she’s right that it’s no excuse, but her explanation reveals an important point. “So what you are telling me is that you did this while still at school yesterday afternoon?” I ask her, “You did this BEFORE you went home and came back last night for the show?” “Yes, that’s right, sir,” she confirms, “I did it while I was waiting for Ally to get out of detention yesterday.

I then give Trish some good new. “Obviously, you are still guilty of writing on the girls’ room wall,” I tell her, “And given what you wrote, it does make it a serious toilet violation.” “But since it didn’t happen while you were at school for the show last night, it isn’t considered a toilet violation while representing the school,” I tell Trish next, “Yours is therefore only a violation during the regular school day and that’s not quite as serious.” Giving it a moment to sink in with Trish, she gets a relieved look on her face. “Does this mean that I don’t have to go on toilet suspension now?” she asks, hopefully.

“That is what I have to decide,” I tell the loud and loquacious senior, “A toilet suspension may not be mandatory for this now, but given the severity of what you wrote, its’ certainly something I’m considering.” Of course, Trish argues to stay off toilet suspension. She cites her good toilet record so far this year (or more specifically, her lack of any serious offenses) as to why she deserves leniency. I must say that I find her argument compelling if not necessarily overriding. “I can’t let you go without any toilet suspension at all,” I tell her, “What you wrote was just too nasty for that.” “But I’m only giving you 2 days on toilet suspension,” I explain and note for the record, “That way you get a taste of it and you’ll have something to think about the next time you get mad at Dr. Flower.” “Maybe you’ll get lucky and not have to have a bowel movement the next 2 days when you’re without toilet privileges,” I tell her, “I know wetting your pants isn’t pleasant but most girls say it’s not as bad as when you have to mess in them.” “I doubt it sir – I have to go BM most days in school,” Trish tells me, “I doubt the next 2 days are going to be any different.” “But I guess I’ll just have to keep telling myself that it’s only 2 days,” she says, “I know it could have been a whole lot worse than that.” “You’re certainly right about that, young lady,” I tell her.

“But given the leniency of your toilet suspension, you’re going to make up for it in another way,” I tell her, “And by that I mean, 2 weeks of cleaning bathrooms after school.” “And I’m afraid that’s not only going to be 2 weeks of cleaning graffiti off the girls’ room walls,” I point out, “I know that’s the typical assignment for girls writing graffiti but your case is way too serious for only that.” “I’m sure you’ll be spending some time cleaning graffiti,” I point out further, “But you’re also going to be down on your hands and knees scrubbing out toilet bowls.” Scrubbing the toilets is perhaps the worst chore that girls on bathroom cleaning detention have to do – It’s certainly way more unpleasant that just scrubbing graffiti. “I guess I deserve that,” Trish tells me dejectedly, “At least I’ll still be able to use the toilet – At least for most of those 2 weeks anyway.” I also assign her to write Dr. Flower a 2,000 word letter of apology and to write “I will not write nasty messages or anything else on the girls’ room wall again” 500 times. “I hope you understand now how serious this was,” I tell her, “I really hope you learn your lesson from this.” “Yes sir – I certainly will,” she tells me, obviously contrite. With that, a TVPC staffer attaches the dreaded red wristband to her wrist – That, of course, identifies a girl on toilet suspension. That sight of that brings tears to her eyes – It may only be 2 days, but it’s s till a toilet suspension.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (Special Session)

The next girl to face the TVPC for a toilet violation last night is Claudia, a petite and pretty senior brunette. As it always seems to be, her performance on the violin last night (both as a soloist and a part of the PARTY OF FIVE ensemble with 4 other performers) was surely the highlight of the show. But, as it often seems to be with Claudia, her toilet behavior last night was another matter entirely. “At least she didn’t have an accident like the others,” Mrs. Duncan, the Assistant Band Director, points out, trying to be optimistic, I suppose, “At least we didn’t have a panty-soiling with her this time.” As faithful readers of the TVPC should remember, Claudia did just that at the holiday program her freshman year. It was not only a particularly bad accident that time – Easily detectable through the petite freshman’s skirt that night – But being a featured performer that night, her accident in front of a packed auditorium was particularly embarrassing for the band and even the whole school. Suffice to say, Claudia was punished quite severely for that – Of course, getting the extra punishment prescribed for an accident while representing the school. But as Mrs. Duncan optimistically noted, Claudia did not have a repeat of that last night. But, of course, Claudia wouldn’t be standing before the TVPC now, if her toilet behavior last night was as it should have been.

“Well, Claudia, not having an accident last night is all well and good,” reports Miss Bliss, a History teacher, who was at the show last night, “But that was only because she used the faculty bathroom where she wasn’t supposed to go.” “And this one encouraged her to do it,” Miss Bliss continues, pointing over to a pretty senior honor student named Teddy. “I didn’t file a Violation Report on Teddy because I’m not exactly sure what I should charge her with,” the pretty, blonde-haired History teacher explains, “But the more I think about it, the more I realize that Teddy deserves to be punished, too.” “It has to be against the rules to encourage another student to use a faculty bathroom where she shouldn’t be,” she tells us. “I mean, how would Claudia even have known that that bathroom was open last night if not for Teddy who probably found out from her mom,” Miss Bliss argues, “I wouldn’t even be surprised if Teddy used the faculty bathroom herself last night.” Teddy’s mom, of course, is Mrs. Duncan, a Music teacher and the Assistant Band Director.

“I didn’t use the faculty bathroom last night or any other time,” Teddy quickly asserts in her defense, “I used the student one downstairs just like everyone else.” “Well, then maybe you were the one that left the toilet clogged down there,” Miss Bliss snipes back at Teddy, “Somebody left a mega-bowel movement in the toilet there last night.” “I never clogged the toilet last night, either,” Teddy also asserts, “I did have a bowel movement in there before the show and it was a big one, but I flushed it down without any problems.” “And I’ll say it again,” Teddy asserts, a little peeved at the accusation, “I did it in the STUDENT girls’ room like I was supposed to!”

With that I’m forced to bang my gavel to momentarily stop the discussion. I must say I’m a little surprised at the nasty tone taken by Miss Bliss, who is usually one of our more cheerful and pleasant teachers. Naturally, I ask her about this. “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s just that I’m a little frustrated,” she says, “I really didn’t mean to be so snotty with Teddy.” “But I do want to charge her with some kind of toilet violation,” she explains, “I have no doubt that Teddy told Claudia the faculty bathroom was open upstairs and she encouraged her to use it.” The usually quite cheerful History teacher goes on to explain further that they left the faculty bathroom near the main office open last night. “That was so teachers attending the show could use it last night instead of the public girls’ room downstairs,” she tells us, “But no one was supposed to know about it being open except the teachers and staff.” “But as I go in there to use it at intermission last night, I see Claudia coming out,” she explains further, “And I see Teddy waiting there in the hallway for her as she did.” “It was pretty clear that they were up there together,” she adds, “It certainly wasn’t just a coincidence that the 2 of them just happened to be at the faculty bathroom together.” Miss Bliss goes on to tell us that by the time she finally did get to use the bathroom up there – She had to stop and write up the Violation Report on Claudia for Using The Faculty Bathroom and that took a little while – There was no toilet paper left. “Of course, being in a hurry like I was, I didn’t notice that until it was too late,” she says, “So I’m stuck on the toilet with nothing to wipe myself with.” “And it wasn’t like I only urinated, either,” she continues, “I had had a big soft bowel movement and my behind was really messy.” “Other than a few Kleenex in my purse, I had nothing to wipe myself with,” Miss Bliss explains, “And they didn’t do much good at all.” “So I ended up with this big, messy stain in my brand new panties,” she tells us angrily, “If I was a student, I’d probably have been written up for ‘Panty-Soiling’ it was so bad.”

“But it doesn’t mean that Teddy was using the faculty bathroom,” Mrs. Duncan then chimes in, “In fact, it sounds like Teddy definitely wasn’t if she was waiting for Claudia in the hallway outside the bathroom.” “True,” I tell Mrs. Duncan, “But it also sounds like Teddy knew about the faculty bathroom being open last night and at the very least accompanied Claudia upstairs to use it.” Mrs. Duncan acknowledges that and even confirms that she told Teddy about the faculty bathroom being open. “Teddy and I came to school together last night,” the pretty Music teacher explains, “And we both had a big meal of Quickie-Chickie beforehand, so we both really had to go by the time we got here. “I parked around the front by the main office so I could use the faculty bathroom as I came in,” Mrs. Duncan explains further, “But Teddy certainly didn’t go in there with me.” “Mom went into the faculty bathroom and I went downstairs to use the student girls’ room,” Teddy chimes in, “I went in the girls’ room before the show like I’m supposed to do.” “And I flushed it down the toilet when I was done,” she snaps back snidely at Miss Bliss.

With that, I then direct the discussion back to Claudia and her using the faculty bathroom. The petite and pretty brunette admits that she did indeed do that – She admits that she went both ways but most importantly she had a bowel movement in there. She also acknowledges that she found out from Teddy that the faculty bathroom was open last night. Teddy doesn’t dispute that, either. Both girls, however, vehemently deny that Teddy encouraged Claudia to go upstairs and use the faculty bathroom. “Teddy told me to go use the girls’ room outside in the hallway like I was supposed to do,” Claudia assures us, “She saw that I had to go and told me that I needed to go do it in the girls’ room.” “She told me that she’d go in there with me if I wanted her to,” Claudia continues, “She told me that she’d help me if I needed her to, but that I definitely needed to go use the girls’ room before the second half of the program started.” “Teddy was only trying to help me – She was being really nice,” Claudia argues, “Teddy didn’t want me to have an accident – She wanted me to go do it in the girls’ room instead.”

Teddy nods her head in agreement with that. “It was the intermission of the show and I could tell by the way Claudia was standing and the expression on her face that she had to go,” Teddy explains, “I could tell that she probably had to go kind of bad.” “Like she said, I didn’t want her to have an accident – Especially not while representing the school in front of a packed auditorium,” she goes on, “I mean, I don’t have a problem doing that kind of thing in the girls’ rooms at school, but I know that some girls like Claudia do have a problem with it sometimes.” “So I was just trying to get Claudia to go at the intermission so she wouldn’t have an accident later,” Teddy explains further, “I just didn’t want her to mess in her panties in front of everyone at the show.”

“So that’s when you suggested that she go upstairs and use the faculty bathroom?” Miss Bliss then asks Teddy. To that, Claudia and Teddy both answer “No” – Almost in unison. But as we discuss the matter some more, it’s clear that that answer isn’t entirely accurate. I wouldn’t necessarily call it a lie – I doubt that Teddy actually “encouraged” Claudia to use that bathroom – But it’s not quite the whole story, either. “The thing is, sir, that Claudia just didn’t want to use the regular girls’ room downstairs,” Teddy tells me, “I kept telling her that she really should use it – I kept telling her that she really NEEDED to use it – But she just wouldn’t go.” “She said it was too crowded – There were just too many people in there,” Teddy continues, “She said there just wasn’t enough privacy for her to poop in there.” “But the thing is, sir, I knew that she had to go really, really bad – I knew she was going to go in her panties if she didn’t go in the toilet really soon,” Teddy explains, “So I mentioned the faculty bathroom upstairs by the main office.” “I figured it was more quiet and it was probably cleaner and maybe it had enough privacy for Claudia to do what she needed to do,” the pretty and articulate senior explains further, “I just thought that maybe it was worth it to her not to have an accident.” “I just didn’t want her to have an accident,” Teddy explains further, “I thought better that she use the toilet up there – Even it was a faculty bathroom – Than to go in her panties instead.” “I just told her that it was there and it was open in case she did want to use it,” she points out.

Thanking Teddy for her honesty (at least eventually!) and commending her for trying to help Claudia as she did, I must nonetheless find her “Guilty” of a toilet violation. “It’s not quite accurate to say that you ENCOURAGED Claudia to do what she did,” I tell Teddy and note for the record, “But you certainly HELPED her to do it.” “Obviously, if not for you, Teddy, Claudia would not have used the faculty bathroom last night,” I tell her. “If not for Teddy, Claudia would probably have messed in her panties last night!!” Mrs. Duncan chimes in. “And then Claudia would have had to suffer the consequences!!” I tell Mrs. Duncan, a tinge of anger in my voice. “No matter what the circumstances, we can’t condone a student using a faculty bathroom and another student helping her to do it,” I tell her, as I motion for her to stay out of this.

“But it wasn’t Teddy’s fault,” Claudia then rather bravely speaks up. “This whole thing was my fault not Teddy’s,” she says, “It’s not fair that Teddy gets punished for something that was my fault.” “Teddy was only trying to help me and she did help me not to have an accident last night,” Claudia continues, “I probably would have gone in my pants if Teddy didn’t take me to that other bathroom last night.” “It just isn’t fair that Teddy gets punished for this, too,” Claudia rambles on, “This whole thing never would have happened if I had just gone to the girls’ room like I was supposed to do.”

Claudia’s last comment raises a few eyebrows in the committee room. “Truer words were never spoken, young lady,” I tell her, “And I hope that gives you something to think about.” “And you’re going to have a lot to think about, young lady,” I lecture Claudia, “Because I’m afraid this is quite a serious matter.” And a check of Claudia’s school toilet record shows me that this is even more serious than I originally thought. In addition to this also being a toilet violation while representing the school, this is also Claudia’s 2nd time this year using a bathroom that she shouldn’t have been using. Faithful readers of the TVPC will undoubtedly recall our October 31, 2013 session where Claudia was punished for sneaking into the nurse’s office and using the bathroom there.

“I’m sorry Claudia, but given your prior offense for using the Nurse’s Office bathroom, you leave me little choice on this one,” I tell her and note for the record, “I’m afraid I’m placing you on toilet suspension for the next 2 weeks.” “You know the drill,” I then tell a suddenly horrified Claudia, “For the next 2 weeks you will not use any school bathroom for any reason.” I also sentence her to write, “I will not use a faculty bathroom in school or at band functions again” 1,000 times and to serve 2 weeks detention. “Your detention can be served after you’re done with your time on toilet suspension,” I do offer her, though, “At least that way, you won’t have detention and a longer school when you can’t use the girls’ room all day.” I also assign Claudia to write Miss Bliss a 1,000 letter of apology. “Had you not used the faculty bathroom last night, perhaps Miss Bliss wouldn’t have been stuck in there without any toilet paper,” I lecture Claudia, “Had you not used the toilet paper in there, perhaps she would have had some left.”

Not surprisingly, Claudia is horrified at the prospect of going on toilet suspension. She’s been on toilet suspension before (during her freshman and sophomore years for using the Nurse’s Office bathroom), so she knows how bad it can be. But I think it’s going to be a whole lot worse this time because Claudia has been doing so much better with her bowel movements in school. “Please sir – Please not a toilet suspension,” she pleads. “I’ve been using the toilet in school in school a lot more now,” she explains in tears in a near state of panic, “I just don’t want to go back to going in my pants all the time like I used to do.” “Please sir – I’m so sorry for what I did,” she says, “I just want to be able to go in the toilet – I really don’t want to go in my pants anymore.” “I’m sorry, Claudia,” I tell her, “But you should have been thinking about that last night.” “That’s it, Claudia” I tell her sternly, as she starts to plead some more, “You have your punishment and now you’re just going to have to do it.”

Turning my attention back to Teddy, the beautiful blonde honor student now looks suddenly very worried after seeing how severely Claudia got punished. “Relax,” I tell her, trying to calm her down a bit, “You’re obviously NOT going on toilet suspension yourself.” “You obviously didn’t do anything nearly as serious as Claudia did,” I tell her, “Nor do you have a lengthy toilet record like she does.” But that’s not to say that Teddy will be getting off easily, either. I want to make her understand that helping another student commit a toilet violation is a serious matter. But I also want to give her some consideration that it only happened out of wanting to help a fellow student to go in the toilet instead of her pants. I decide to offer Teddy a choice of punishments. She can either serve 5 hours of detention or write “I will not help another student to use a faculty bathroom again” 500 times. Considering her options for a moment, Teddy then asks me if she can take a different option. “Can I do half and half?” she asks, “Can I serve 2 ½ hours detention and write 250 times instead?” “That’s fine,” I tell her, “I think that punishment will certainly make my point.” Teddy assures me that it will and that she’ll be careful not to do anything like that again.

I turn and see that Claudia is still crying hysterically while a TVPC staffer places that dreaded red wristband on her wrist. That red wristband, once again, signifies a girl on toilet suspension who may not visit any school bathroom for any reason.

Before closing this special session of the TVPC, I have another matter that I need to address. During Miss Bliss’s testimony during Claudia’s case, she made reference to a clogged toilet in the girls’ room last night. As you may recall, she initially had accused Teddy of doing it, but she really had no basis to make that accusation. A clogged toilet – Even a toilet that was clogged accidentally as this one apparently – Is, of course, a concern of the TVPC. With so many people at the school last night for the Christmas Holiday program, it’s going to be hard to figure out who it was that clogged the toilet and unless it was actually a girl participating in the show last night, there isn’t anything the TVPC can do about it. But we’re certainly going to try to figure out who did it and if it was a girl who was representing the school last night, she will be punished accordingly.

I explain all this to the assembled crowd in the TVPC committee room and ask if anyone has any information on the clogged toilet. Immediately, I see a hand raised in the audience. That hand belongs to Melanie, a pretty brunette with braces. I’m not exactly sure whey she’s here at this special session of the TVPC today, but I do recognize her from a recent TVPC appearance where she was punished for Panty-Soiling and Squatting to Urinate with the Toilet Seat still down. Of course, I ask her to proceed.

“I’m pretty sure it was Topanga that clogged the toilet, sir,” Melanie tells me. “Topanga?!” I and more than a few others in the committee room exclaim in surprise. Topanga is another familiar face to the TVPC via a wide variety of toilet violations throughout her high school career. But, as faithful readers of the TVPC will surely note, Topanga graduated last year. “I’m pretty sure it was Topanga – I heard some people talking about it,” Melanie explains further, “And you know how she was with those big bowel movements of hers.” Indeed we do – Topanga and her big bowel movements definitely did clog more than her share of toilets in her high school days. “I guess she’s home from college for Christmas,” the junior beauty continues, “She was at the show last night with Corey.” “And I did see her going into the girls’ room during the show,” the Melanie explains, “She was going in just as I was coming out and that was right before the show started.” “And by the intermission there was a bit of commotion going around about the huge dump that somebody had left in one of the toilets,” she explains further, “It seemed like every one was talking about and a lot of people were saying that Topanga had done it.” “I guess I can’t really say for sure that it was Topanga, sir,” she tells me, “But I do know that people were talking about Topanga having done it and I don’t know too many girls other than Topanga that could do a poop that size.” That last comment draws a few giggles from the assembled crowd.”

“It definitely was Topanga,” chimes in Meg, a cute, little redheaded cheerleader who is also in the choir, “I can definitely confirm it was her.” “She really didn’t do it on purpose, sir,” Meg quickly adds, “It’s just one of those things that happen sometimes – Topanga just has big bowel movements and sometimes they’re so big that they clog the toilet.” “No one is saying that Topanga did it on purpose,” I point out, “We’re all aware of her propensity for doing those big bowel movements and this was surely just one of those times.” “I just need to make sure that it was Topanga so I can close this case,” I tell Meg. “It definitely was her,” the senior cutie confirms again. “Like Melanie was saying, everyone was talking about it during the intermission,” Meg explains, “And at first Topanga was just denying that it was her.” “But then she was laughing and joking about it and no one really believed her denials,” Meg explains further, “And finally Topanga just admitted that it was her.” “She said that with all the stress of exams at college, she hadn’t been eating right and was kind of constipated,” she reports, “And then she was laughing about how that had all just ended in the girls’ room.”

That, of course, is proof enough that it was indeed Topanga who clogged the toilet last night. “Some things never change,” I joke. Since she’s not a student anymore, there is nothing the TVPC can do about it, but it’s important we have an official record of what happened. With that I can close this matter and close this special session of the TVPC.

So concludes this SPECIAL SESSION of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee. Meeting adjourned at 9:52 AM.

[spandexman]

Another great report.

Keep an eye on Dr. Flower, serious problems there. Thanks again.

[Arnold Ziffel]

thanks for your comments. It's good to know the TVPC is appreciated. I've looking for a storyline where Dr. Flower gets into trouble but I can't seem to write a good one. Stay tuned, though. thanks again.

[spandexman]

Dr. Flower's panty collection?

Has anyone ever looked in Dr. Flower's desk drawers and discovered dirty panties or pantyhose, or perhaps Miss Musso's red spandex shorts?