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Welcome to a session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.
My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of March 27, 2014.
The first case before the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) this afternoon is perhaps the most unusual case that I’ve had in all my years as TVPC chairman. Quite Frankly, I’m not even sure that we should be hearing this case since it took place off school grounds and really isn’t a school matter at all. The case comes to us by special request of the school Principal Mr. Kaufman. We will honor that request by allowing Mr. Kaufman to first appear before our beloved committee and explain why he thinks the TVPC should hear this case. Also here with Mr. Kaufman is a very pretty and usually quite shy honor student named Cecily. Cecily, who is also secretary of the Student Council, has an absolutely spotless school disciplinary record with the Principal (that is, as to non-toilet related offenses) and only a few minor toilet related offenses with us. This year she’s only got a violation for squatting over the toilet with the toilet seat still down and then for not flushing the toilet after urinating in it. Both of these violations were handled at our March 3, 2014 meeting of the TVPC.
That’s why I am absolutely stunned to hear that Cecily stands accused this past weekend of urinating on the front porch of Mr. Kaufman’s house. “I did it on a dare,” the well-spoken senior brunette quietly tells us, “It was a TRIPPLE DOG dare.” “I don’t mean that an excuse,” she quickly clarifies, “I know there’s no excuse for what I did.” “I just meant that to explain why I did it,” she adds. “We were all doing dares – TRIPPLE DOG dares – and I guess it got a little out of control,” Cecily continues, “I still can’t believe that I did that – It’s just not like me at all.”
“Well, that’s quite an understatement,” I tell her, “I can’t really believe that you’d do that either.” “I remember that time when you wet you pants on that school trip as a freshman,” I remind her, “You were too shy to go in a toilet that didn’t have a door on the stall.” “And now you’re squatting down and urinating in public,” I tell her, “And on your Principal’s front porch, too.” “Like I said it was a dare – a TRIPPLE DOG dare,” she points out again, “I’m really sorry – I wish I could take it back.”
But before actually getting into this case, I turn to Mr. Kaufman. “This really isn’t a TVPC matter at all,” I tell our Principal, “I’m really sorry that she urinated on your porch but this happened off school grounds and she was clearly not representing the school when she did it.” “I think this would actually be a matter for the police,” I tell Mr. Kaufman, “I would think they would charge her with ‘public urination’ and maybe trespassing or something like that.” “I think you’re right, Mr. Chairman,” he tells me, “But after talking with Cecily, I decided that I really didn’t want to get the police involved.” He goes on to explain that in spite of what she did, he still thinks Cecily is a good girl with a bright future and he’d rather not have criminal charges filed against her. “I would hate to see one little – AND VERY STUPID! – mistake ruin that future,” he says. “Thank you, Mr. Kaufman, thank you!” the grateful senior beauty tells him, “Thank you for not calling the police on me.” “We both think that the TVPC is best equipped to deal with something like this,” Mr. Kaufman explains, “It’s not exactly a school matter in the traditional sense, but it is very much a toilet-related matter and who better to handle it than the TVPC.”
Turning my attention now to Cecily, I must confirm with her that she does indeed agree to have this case decided by the TVPC. “Intentionally urinating in an inappropriate place is quite a serious offense,” I warn her, “I want you to understand what you’re getting yourself into before you agree to it.” “This is not going to be like wetting your pants or leaving the toilet unflushed,” I explain, “This was a deliberate act and I can assure you that your punishment is going to be a lot worse than anything you’ve experienced before.” “I guess I deserve it,” she says contritely, “I did it and now I guess I’m going to have to get punished for it.” “I don’t want Mr. Kaufman to go to the police,” she explains, “So I guess I’m going to have to take whatever punishment I get from the TVPC.” Actually, I’m not sure that she wouldn’t rather be dealt with by the police than the TVPC, but I’m leaving that up to here. Upon the agreement of Cecily and Mr. Kaufman, the TVPC vote 5-0 to hear and to decide this case.
Since we’ve already heard all the facts of this case, the only thing left is to decide the poor girl’s punishment. All I can do is shake my head at what this stupid TRIPPLE DOG dare is going to mean for this soft-spoken honor student and Student Council Secretary. “As I said, young lady, intentionally urinating in an inappropriate place is quite a serious offense,” I point out, “And it certainly demands a very serious punishment.” “You can start by writing Mr. Kaufman a 2,500 word letter of apology,” I tell her and note for the record, “And then you can write ‘I will not urinate anyplace other than in the toilet again’ 1,000 times.” Checking next with Mr. Kaufman, I wonder if I should assign Cecily to do some sort of service for him. “She urinated on your porch, Mr. Kaufman,” I point out, “Rightfully she should have to do some sort of clean-up work for you.” “If you are going to assign her to clean-up duty, it should be for the school,” Mr. Kaufman says, “I think having to clean some bathrooms in detention would be the right idea.” “Two weeks detention cleaning bathrooms,” I then tell Cecily, “Hopefully, as you scrub those toilets, you can think about how you should have used the toilet instead of Mr. Kaufman’s porch.” I could see that she was fighting back tears as I gave her that writing punishment, but getting assigned to toilet cleaning detention, really causes the tears to flow. I have no doubt that this pretty and well-behaved honor student never had to write anything 1,000 times before nor been made to scrub toilets in detention.
But unfortunately for Cecily, the worst is yet to come. I really hate to do this because I know she’s a good girl, but my duty is clear. “I’m afraid that your punishment is also going to be 3 weeks on toilet suspension,” I tell her, “For 3 weeks, you may not use any school bathroom for any reason.” At first, she doesn’t seem to react at all, but I give it a moment to sink in. Then I have to repeat her punishment to make sure she understands. With that, she just bursts out sobbing. “Noooooo!” she screams. “Please Nooooo!” she screams again, “Please not a toilet suspension – Anything but that!” “Please! I just can’t go on toilet suspension – I just can’t,” she says. “I can’t hold it in all day – I just can’t,” she explains hysterically, “I really need to use the girls’ room in school – I really need to use it every day.” I’m sympathetic to her plight, but I remain firm in sticking to her punishment. “You can and you will go on toilet suspension,” I tell her, “The only time you’ll be setting foot in a school bathroom for the next 3 weeks will be to clean it.” “And if you can’t hold it in all day, then you’re just going to have to do it in your pants,” I tell her matter-of-factly, “That’s what happens when a girl is on toilet suspension.” “Oh My God! – It’s not just peeing that I have to do in school sometimes,” she calls out hysterically, apparently starting to fully grasp what she’s in for, “Oh My God! – Am I going to have to do the other thing in my pants, too?” “If you can’t hold it in, that’s exactly what you’re going to have to do,” I explain to her calmly. She reacts in even more horror at the thought of that. “I haven’t gone in my pants for that since I can’t even remember,” she says, “I can’t believe you’re really going to make me do that again.” “You’ve made YOURSELF do that by urinating in an inappropriate place,” I argue.
“OK – But I only URINATED in an inappropriate place,” she quickly points out, “I didn’t do the other thing in an inappropriate place.” “How about I just go on toilet suspension for urinating?” she offers, “How about you just make me wet my pants, but I could still use the toilet for the other thing?” “That’s not how it works,” I point out, “You’re going on toilet suspension for 3 weeks and that includes going BOTH ways if your pants if you need to.” “You’re not even allowed to set foot in a school girls’ room unless it’s to do your bathroom cleaning punishment,” I continue, “And if you do, you get another 1,000 sentences to write and a longer toilet suspension.” That explanation gives her no reason to stop crying now. But I doubt she has any idea exactly what she’s in for with the combination of a toilet suspension and bathroom cleaning punishment. It’s almost torture for a girl to have to clean toilets that she’s forbidden to use while desperately trying to hold it in after a long school day of not being allowed to use the girls’ room at all.
As a TVPC staffer moves in to attach that dreaded red wristband to her wrist – the red wristband indicating a girl on toilet suspension – she resists having it put on her wrist. “Don’t make it worse,” I warn her, “You’re going on toilet suspension and there is no stopping it.” With that she just holds out her hand – apparently now resigned to her fate – and lets the red wristband be attached.
Next, I call the name of Carly, a pretty dark-haired honor student. Carly, a senior, has been very good with her toilet habits throughout her high school career. That’s why it’s quite a surprise to see her charged with not 1, not 2, but 3 separate toilet violations today. Today, Carly finds herself charged not only with “Clogging the Toilet” and “Using Too Much Toilet Paper” but with “Panty-Soiling” as well. The 3 charges are brought by Miss Defequer, her French teacher, who caught Carly in the Main Corridor girls’ room after 6th period this afternoon. As the quiet but well-liked Carly takes the podium, she pleads “Guilty” to only the “Clogging the Toilet” violation.
“The toilet got clogged,” Carly admits, “So I guess I have to plead ‘Guilty’ to that.” “But no way am I guilty of the others,” she says adamantly, “I definitely do NOT use too much toilet paper and NO WAY did I soil my panties.” As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, the violation of “Using Too Much Toilet Paper” (which is less serious than “Wasting Toilet Paper”) means using more of it than was necessary. “I know I did use a lot of toilet paper – That’s probably how the toilet got clogged,” Carly explains, “But I really did need all of it to wipe myself today.” “And I certainly didn’t mess in my panties, either,” she explains further, “At least nothing more than just a little bit.”
Carly’s last statement raises a few eyebrows in the committee room. “A little bit?” I ask Carly, “You’re not supposed to do ANY of it in your panties – Not even a little bit.” “Whether it’s a little bit in your panties or a lot, it’s still a mess in your panties,” I tell the bright and pretty senior. “I mean, with only a little bit in your panties, you may get less punishment than for a bigger mess,” I explain, “But any fecal matter in your panties at all is considered a violation for which you need to be punished.”
But the articulate senior beauty disputes that. “It’s really not fecal matter in my panties at all – It’s just a little stain,” Carly argues, “It’s just a little stain that happened in my panties before I could get to the toilet today.” Under TVPC rules, little stains and little skidmarks and streakmarks are not considered panty-soilings. There needs to be actual, tangible fecal matter in a girl’s panties for it to be a panty-soiling punishable under TVPC rules. “Look, I’m not saying that my panties are perfectly clean – I know I got a stain on them today,” Carly argues, “I’m just saying that you really can’t say that what I did was mess in my panties.” “I mean, you should have seen what I did in the toilet,” she tells us, “That’s where I did my bowel movement, not in my panties.” “That’s how I clogged the toilet,” Carly adds, “It was because I had done so much in the toilet.”
“Or rather it was because you used so much toilet paper,” Miss Defequer chimes in, “That’s what clogged the toilet, not the bowel movement itself.” But Miss Defequer does acknowledge many aspects of Carly’s story. “Obviously she did a lot more in the toilet than she did in her panties,” the French teacher explains, “It was indeed only a very small amount that she did in her panties.” “But unfortunately, there definitely was actual fecal matter in Carly’s panties,” Miss Defequer continues, “It clearly was enough for Carly to be charged with the panty-soiling.” Carly is shaking her head at hearing that while Miss Defequer goes on to further explain the circumstances. “Carly was apparently stuck in class where the teacher wouldn’t let her go to the girls’ room,” the strict but pretty French teacher tells us, “And apparently the mess in her panties happened sometime between then and when she finally got to the girls’ room.” “Obviously, she did make it in time to do most of it in the toilet,” Miss Defequer points out, “But unfortunately some of it did come out before then and made a mess in Carly’s panties.”
The pretty senior honor student confirms Miss Defequer’s account of what happened – She explains that Miss Bliss, her 5th period History teacher wouldn’t let her go to the girls’ room because she said she should have gone at lunch the period before. But Carly still vehemently denies that what she did in her panties today could be called a “mess.” “I didn’t mess in my panties,” Carly says emphatically, “It was only a little stain and not a mess!” Pausing for a moment to consider what to argue next, Carly asks that Miss Mars be allowed to testify. Miss Mars, a very pretty blonde and great friend of the TVPC, is Carly’s gym teacher 8th period. “Miss Mars saw my panties – She did a panty inspection on my before gym class,” the articulate senior beauty tells us, “She saw that I didn’t have a mess in my panties – She saw that it was only a little stain.”
Taking the podium, Miss Mars then tells us that she noticed Carly before gym class taking her clothes into a toilet stall to change. “Naturally, I went over there to check on her,” Miss Mars explains, “Usually when a girl goes into a toilet stall to change, it’s because she’s got a mess in her panties that she doesn’t want anyone else to see.” The ever efficient gym teacher then explains that she did a panty inspection on Carly – A process whereby a staff member who suspects that a girl has had an accident checks a girl’s panties for such. “From my observation, it didn’t look like Carly had had an accident,” Miss Mars reports, “I wouldn’t actually call it a LITTLE stain like Carly said, but I wouldn’t call it a panty-soiling, either.” “It actually looked more like Carly had already used the toilet and not wiped herself – That’s what it looked like to me,” Miss Mars reports further, “But it could very well have been something that happened on the way to using the toilet like Miss Defequer said.” Carly, of course, nods her head smiling at hearing that. “I really wouldn’t be smiling at that, Carly,” Miss Mars tells her, “I was still quite surprised to see what I did see in your panties.” “What you did have in your panties is certainly nothing to smile about, young lady,” she tells the girl, “It was certainly VERY close to being enough to be called an accident.”
Of course, this leaves the TVPC in a dilemma. We’ve got 2 teachers with 2 different accounts of what we’ve got in Carly’s panties. I mean, they’re not vastly different accounts but Miss Defequer says there’s enough for it to be called a panty-soiling accident while Miss Mars says it’s just short of being enough for that. But Miss Defequer has more to add to her argument. “I think Veronica (that is, Miss Mars) is just looking at what Carly had in her panties while she was changing for gym class,” the French teacher points out, “She’s not taking into account what Carly had managed to clean out of her panties before that.” “When I caught Carly on the toilet earlier, she was trying to clean up her panties,” Miss Defequer reports further, “She had toilet paper in her hand and was trying to rub the mess out of her panties as best she could.” Questioned next by me, Carly reluctantly (but honestly) admits that is true. “That’s probably how a little bit of fecal matter in her panties turned into one big stain,” Miss Defequer adds.
Hearing that, Miss Mars changes her assessment. “If there was initially more in Carly’s panties than what I saw in the locker room today, then I’m going to have to agree with Miss Defequer,” she says, “If she had any more than I saw, then that would be enough for it to be a panty-soiling violation.” Carly lets out an audible groan at hearing that. “I’m sorry, Carly,” Miss Mars tells the well-liked senior, “But I’m afraid that I’m going to have to agree that you had a ‘Panty-Soiling’ today.” “I’m sorry, too,” I then tell her, “But I’m going to have to find you ‘Guilty’ on the ‘Panty-Soiling’ charge.”
Moving on to the other charges, Carly has already pleaded “Guilty” to “Clogging the Toilet.” That specifically is a “Category #2 Clogging – Clogging with a Bowel Movement and Toilet Paper. “It really was the toilet paper that did it,” Miss Defequer points out, “She did have a big bowel movement in the toilet but it was the excessive amount of toilet paper that she used that really caused the toilet to clog.” And that, of course, leads us to the 3rd charge against Carly today – That of “Using Too Much Toilet Paper.” “I know I used a lot,” Carly then tells us, “But I really did need it all.” “I don’t know what else to say,” she continues, “I had a big bowel movement and I was really messy and it just took a lot of toilet paper to wipe myself afterwards.” “And apparently you used some toilet paper to wipe your panties, as well,” I point out to Carly, “That no doubt contributed to how much toilet paper was in the bowl.” She acknowledges that that’s true.
I have no doubt that Carly did use a whole lot of toilet paper. Obviously, Miss Defequer didn’t just make up this charge and the quantity of toilet paper used was indeed enough to clog the toilet. But the French teacher really doesn’t have any evidence that Carly used more than was necessary. As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, girls are given quite a bit of leeway when it comes to the amount of toilet paper that they use. In other words, it has to be really obvious and really excessive for a girl to found “Guilty” of this. Accordingly, I’m pleased to tell a very relieved Carly that I’m finding her “Not Guilty” on this particular charge.
Moving then to her punishment on the other charges, I first sentence Carly to 1 day in detention and to write, “I will not soil my panties in school again” 150 times. That’s obviously for the panty-soiling – Her 2nd of this school year. “That’s a pretty light sentence, Carly,” I point out, “And that’s obviously because, like we’ve discussed, your accident was a particularly light one.” For clogging the toilet, Carly gets 2 days of detention and 150 times “I will not clog the toilet in the girls’ room at school again.” That’s obviously pretty light as well. “Just be more careful next time,” I suggest to Carly, “Maybe just flush your bowel movement first if it’s that big or perhaps flush after a wipe or two if you’re going to have to wipe a lot.” “Yes, sir – I’ll do that,” Carly says, looking relieved that her punishment wasn’t worse, “I don’t usually have bowel movements that are that big or that messy.”
For the next matter before the TVPC this afternoon, we have a petite and pretty senior named Dawn. Dawn is shy about doing her bowel movements at school and consequently has been before the TVPC before – Most notably at our November 18th, 2013 TVPC session when she was forced to plead “Guilty” to a panty-soiling she had done several days earlier. It seems that Dawn had managed to make it home without getting caught and then hid the soiled the panties in her underwear drawer at home where they were later discovered. Dawn is the younger sister of a girl named Buffy (herself no stranger to the TVPC) who graduated 2˝ years ago. Buffy is now Dawn’s legal guardian and is none too happy with her sister’s propensity for soiling her panties in school. Buffy found those hidden soiled panties (as well as another soiled pair that Dawn swore only happened on her way home from school) and brought them to our attention here at the TVPC.
Fortunately, Dawn seems to have clean panties today – I’m told she got a pass from Miss Buchman (her English teacher 4th period) and promptly took care of her business in the 2nd Floor girls’ room – but the same couldn’t be said for Dawn 1 week ago. One week ago, Dawn was before the TVPC in badly soiled panties, having had a major accident in Math class 8th period with Miss Spellman. Dawn is currently scheduled for an hour of toilet sitting detention in the Main Corridor girls’ room – The final day of a 1 week sentence for that panty-soiling 1 week ago. But she has some business to take care of here first.
As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, when a girl gets a writing assignment from the TVPC, she has 1 week to hand it in. Dawn, thus far, has yet to hand in that punishment for her panty-soiling last week – Specifically, “I will not soil my panties in school again” written 1,000 times. Looking over at Dawn, I then see the pretty senior brunette reach into her “Twilight – The Vampire Series” notebook and pull out a very thick packet of paper. “I have it, sir,” Dawn tells me, “I finally finished it last night.” As directed, she then hands that packet of paper to the TVPC clerk. “That was a tough assignment to finish, sir,” she adds, “It really takes a long time to write 1,000 lines.” “I would think so, Dawn,” I tell her, “1,000 times is certainly no picnic.” “That’s one reason why girls try to avoid messing in their panties,” I point out, “They want to avoid having to do writing assignments like that.”
Looking over the girl’s 1,000 sentences, our TVPC clerk notes that the packet of paper is particularly thick because Dawn only wrote on 1 side of the paper. “That’s perfectly fine,” he tells Dawn, “It’s up to you whether you use both sides of the paper or just 1 side.” “It’s just that most girls do use both sides of the paper,” our ever efficient clerk notes, “And that’s especially true when a girl’s gotta do a really long assignment like 1,000 times.” “I mean, that comes out to 40 sheets of paper if the girl only writes on 1 side,” he points out. He also commends Dawn for writing her sentences particularly neatly – Again, something not very common when a girl’s gotta do 1,000 times. The pretty senior just shrugs her shoulders at hearing that. I think she’s just glad that it’s over with.
My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of March 27, 2014.
The first case before the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) this afternoon is perhaps the most unusual case that I’ve had in all my years as TVPC chairman. Quite Frankly, I’m not even sure that we should be hearing this case since it took place off school grounds and really isn’t a school matter at all. The case comes to us by special request of the school Principal Mr. Kaufman. We will honor that request by allowing Mr. Kaufman to first appear before our beloved committee and explain why he thinks the TVPC should hear this case. Also here with Mr. Kaufman is a very pretty and usually quite shy honor student named Cecily. Cecily, who is also secretary of the Student Council, has an absolutely spotless school disciplinary record with the Principal (that is, as to non-toilet related offenses) and only a few minor toilet related offenses with us. This year she’s only got a violation for squatting over the toilet with the toilet seat still down and then for not flushing the toilet after urinating in it. Both of these violations were handled at our March 3, 2014 meeting of the TVPC.
That’s why I am absolutely stunned to hear that Cecily stands accused this past weekend of urinating on the front porch of Mr. Kaufman’s house. “I did it on a dare,” the well-spoken senior brunette quietly tells us, “It was a TRIPPLE DOG dare.” “I don’t mean that an excuse,” she quickly clarifies, “I know there’s no excuse for what I did.” “I just meant that to explain why I did it,” she adds. “We were all doing dares – TRIPPLE DOG dares – and I guess it got a little out of control,” Cecily continues, “I still can’t believe that I did that – It’s just not like me at all.”
“Well, that’s quite an understatement,” I tell her, “I can’t really believe that you’d do that either.” “I remember that time when you wet you pants on that school trip as a freshman,” I remind her, “You were too shy to go in a toilet that didn’t have a door on the stall.” “And now you’re squatting down and urinating in public,” I tell her, “And on your Principal’s front porch, too.” “Like I said it was a dare – a TRIPPLE DOG dare,” she points out again, “I’m really sorry – I wish I could take it back.”
But before actually getting into this case, I turn to Mr. Kaufman. “This really isn’t a TVPC matter at all,” I tell our Principal, “I’m really sorry that she urinated on your porch but this happened off school grounds and she was clearly not representing the school when she did it.” “I think this would actually be a matter for the police,” I tell Mr. Kaufman, “I would think they would charge her with ‘public urination’ and maybe trespassing or something like that.” “I think you’re right, Mr. Chairman,” he tells me, “But after talking with Cecily, I decided that I really didn’t want to get the police involved.” He goes on to explain that in spite of what she did, he still thinks Cecily is a good girl with a bright future and he’d rather not have criminal charges filed against her. “I would hate to see one little – AND VERY STUPID! – mistake ruin that future,” he says. “Thank you, Mr. Kaufman, thank you!” the grateful senior beauty tells him, “Thank you for not calling the police on me.” “We both think that the TVPC is best equipped to deal with something like this,” Mr. Kaufman explains, “It’s not exactly a school matter in the traditional sense, but it is very much a toilet-related matter and who better to handle it than the TVPC.”
Turning my attention now to Cecily, I must confirm with her that she does indeed agree to have this case decided by the TVPC. “Intentionally urinating in an inappropriate place is quite a serious offense,” I warn her, “I want you to understand what you’re getting yourself into before you agree to it.” “This is not going to be like wetting your pants or leaving the toilet unflushed,” I explain, “This was a deliberate act and I can assure you that your punishment is going to be a lot worse than anything you’ve experienced before.” “I guess I deserve it,” she says contritely, “I did it and now I guess I’m going to have to get punished for it.” “I don’t want Mr. Kaufman to go to the police,” she explains, “So I guess I’m going to have to take whatever punishment I get from the TVPC.” Actually, I’m not sure that she wouldn’t rather be dealt with by the police than the TVPC, but I’m leaving that up to here. Upon the agreement of Cecily and Mr. Kaufman, the TVPC vote 5-0 to hear and to decide this case.
Since we’ve already heard all the facts of this case, the only thing left is to decide the poor girl’s punishment. All I can do is shake my head at what this stupid TRIPPLE DOG dare is going to mean for this soft-spoken honor student and Student Council Secretary. “As I said, young lady, intentionally urinating in an inappropriate place is quite a serious offense,” I point out, “And it certainly demands a very serious punishment.” “You can start by writing Mr. Kaufman a 2,500 word letter of apology,” I tell her and note for the record, “And then you can write ‘I will not urinate anyplace other than in the toilet again’ 1,000 times.” Checking next with Mr. Kaufman, I wonder if I should assign Cecily to do some sort of service for him. “She urinated on your porch, Mr. Kaufman,” I point out, “Rightfully she should have to do some sort of clean-up work for you.” “If you are going to assign her to clean-up duty, it should be for the school,” Mr. Kaufman says, “I think having to clean some bathrooms in detention would be the right idea.” “Two weeks detention cleaning bathrooms,” I then tell Cecily, “Hopefully, as you scrub those toilets, you can think about how you should have used the toilet instead of Mr. Kaufman’s porch.” I could see that she was fighting back tears as I gave her that writing punishment, but getting assigned to toilet cleaning detention, really causes the tears to flow. I have no doubt that this pretty and well-behaved honor student never had to write anything 1,000 times before nor been made to scrub toilets in detention.
But unfortunately for Cecily, the worst is yet to come. I really hate to do this because I know she’s a good girl, but my duty is clear. “I’m afraid that your punishment is also going to be 3 weeks on toilet suspension,” I tell her, “For 3 weeks, you may not use any school bathroom for any reason.” At first, she doesn’t seem to react at all, but I give it a moment to sink in. Then I have to repeat her punishment to make sure she understands. With that, she just bursts out sobbing. “Noooooo!” she screams. “Please Nooooo!” she screams again, “Please not a toilet suspension – Anything but that!” “Please! I just can’t go on toilet suspension – I just can’t,” she says. “I can’t hold it in all day – I just can’t,” she explains hysterically, “I really need to use the girls’ room in school – I really need to use it every day.” I’m sympathetic to her plight, but I remain firm in sticking to her punishment. “You can and you will go on toilet suspension,” I tell her, “The only time you’ll be setting foot in a school bathroom for the next 3 weeks will be to clean it.” “And if you can’t hold it in all day, then you’re just going to have to do it in your pants,” I tell her matter-of-factly, “That’s what happens when a girl is on toilet suspension.” “Oh My God! – It’s not just peeing that I have to do in school sometimes,” she calls out hysterically, apparently starting to fully grasp what she’s in for, “Oh My God! – Am I going to have to do the other thing in my pants, too?” “If you can’t hold it in, that’s exactly what you’re going to have to do,” I explain to her calmly. She reacts in even more horror at the thought of that. “I haven’t gone in my pants for that since I can’t even remember,” she says, “I can’t believe you’re really going to make me do that again.” “You’ve made YOURSELF do that by urinating in an inappropriate place,” I argue.
“OK – But I only URINATED in an inappropriate place,” she quickly points out, “I didn’t do the other thing in an inappropriate place.” “How about I just go on toilet suspension for urinating?” she offers, “How about you just make me wet my pants, but I could still use the toilet for the other thing?” “That’s not how it works,” I point out, “You’re going on toilet suspension for 3 weeks and that includes going BOTH ways if your pants if you need to.” “You’re not even allowed to set foot in a school girls’ room unless it’s to do your bathroom cleaning punishment,” I continue, “And if you do, you get another 1,000 sentences to write and a longer toilet suspension.” That explanation gives her no reason to stop crying now. But I doubt she has any idea exactly what she’s in for with the combination of a toilet suspension and bathroom cleaning punishment. It’s almost torture for a girl to have to clean toilets that she’s forbidden to use while desperately trying to hold it in after a long school day of not being allowed to use the girls’ room at all.
As a TVPC staffer moves in to attach that dreaded red wristband to her wrist – the red wristband indicating a girl on toilet suspension – she resists having it put on her wrist. “Don’t make it worse,” I warn her, “You’re going on toilet suspension and there is no stopping it.” With that she just holds out her hand – apparently now resigned to her fate – and lets the red wristband be attached.
Next, I call the name of Carly, a pretty dark-haired honor student. Carly, a senior, has been very good with her toilet habits throughout her high school career. That’s why it’s quite a surprise to see her charged with not 1, not 2, but 3 separate toilet violations today. Today, Carly finds herself charged not only with “Clogging the Toilet” and “Using Too Much Toilet Paper” but with “Panty-Soiling” as well. The 3 charges are brought by Miss Defequer, her French teacher, who caught Carly in the Main Corridor girls’ room after 6th period this afternoon. As the quiet but well-liked Carly takes the podium, she pleads “Guilty” to only the “Clogging the Toilet” violation.
“The toilet got clogged,” Carly admits, “So I guess I have to plead ‘Guilty’ to that.” “But no way am I guilty of the others,” she says adamantly, “I definitely do NOT use too much toilet paper and NO WAY did I soil my panties.” As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, the violation of “Using Too Much Toilet Paper” (which is less serious than “Wasting Toilet Paper”) means using more of it than was necessary. “I know I did use a lot of toilet paper – That’s probably how the toilet got clogged,” Carly explains, “But I really did need all of it to wipe myself today.” “And I certainly didn’t mess in my panties, either,” she explains further, “At least nothing more than just a little bit.”
Carly’s last statement raises a few eyebrows in the committee room. “A little bit?” I ask Carly, “You’re not supposed to do ANY of it in your panties – Not even a little bit.” “Whether it’s a little bit in your panties or a lot, it’s still a mess in your panties,” I tell the bright and pretty senior. “I mean, with only a little bit in your panties, you may get less punishment than for a bigger mess,” I explain, “But any fecal matter in your panties at all is considered a violation for which you need to be punished.”
But the articulate senior beauty disputes that. “It’s really not fecal matter in my panties at all – It’s just a little stain,” Carly argues, “It’s just a little stain that happened in my panties before I could get to the toilet today.” Under TVPC rules, little stains and little skidmarks and streakmarks are not considered panty-soilings. There needs to be actual, tangible fecal matter in a girl’s panties for it to be a panty-soiling punishable under TVPC rules. “Look, I’m not saying that my panties are perfectly clean – I know I got a stain on them today,” Carly argues, “I’m just saying that you really can’t say that what I did was mess in my panties.” “I mean, you should have seen what I did in the toilet,” she tells us, “That’s where I did my bowel movement, not in my panties.” “That’s how I clogged the toilet,” Carly adds, “It was because I had done so much in the toilet.”
“Or rather it was because you used so much toilet paper,” Miss Defequer chimes in, “That’s what clogged the toilet, not the bowel movement itself.” But Miss Defequer does acknowledge many aspects of Carly’s story. “Obviously she did a lot more in the toilet than she did in her panties,” the French teacher explains, “It was indeed only a very small amount that she did in her panties.” “But unfortunately, there definitely was actual fecal matter in Carly’s panties,” Miss Defequer continues, “It clearly was enough for Carly to be charged with the panty-soiling.” Carly is shaking her head at hearing that while Miss Defequer goes on to further explain the circumstances. “Carly was apparently stuck in class where the teacher wouldn’t let her go to the girls’ room,” the strict but pretty French teacher tells us, “And apparently the mess in her panties happened sometime between then and when she finally got to the girls’ room.” “Obviously, she did make it in time to do most of it in the toilet,” Miss Defequer points out, “But unfortunately some of it did come out before then and made a mess in Carly’s panties.”
The pretty senior honor student confirms Miss Defequer’s account of what happened – She explains that Miss Bliss, her 5th period History teacher wouldn’t let her go to the girls’ room because she said she should have gone at lunch the period before. But Carly still vehemently denies that what she did in her panties today could be called a “mess.” “I didn’t mess in my panties,” Carly says emphatically, “It was only a little stain and not a mess!” Pausing for a moment to consider what to argue next, Carly asks that Miss Mars be allowed to testify. Miss Mars, a very pretty blonde and great friend of the TVPC, is Carly’s gym teacher 8th period. “Miss Mars saw my panties – She did a panty inspection on my before gym class,” the articulate senior beauty tells us, “She saw that I didn’t have a mess in my panties – She saw that it was only a little stain.”
Taking the podium, Miss Mars then tells us that she noticed Carly before gym class taking her clothes into a toilet stall to change. “Naturally, I went over there to check on her,” Miss Mars explains, “Usually when a girl goes into a toilet stall to change, it’s because she’s got a mess in her panties that she doesn’t want anyone else to see.” The ever efficient gym teacher then explains that she did a panty inspection on Carly – A process whereby a staff member who suspects that a girl has had an accident checks a girl’s panties for such. “From my observation, it didn’t look like Carly had had an accident,” Miss Mars reports, “I wouldn’t actually call it a LITTLE stain like Carly said, but I wouldn’t call it a panty-soiling, either.” “It actually looked more like Carly had already used the toilet and not wiped herself – That’s what it looked like to me,” Miss Mars reports further, “But it could very well have been something that happened on the way to using the toilet like Miss Defequer said.” Carly, of course, nods her head smiling at hearing that. “I really wouldn’t be smiling at that, Carly,” Miss Mars tells her, “I was still quite surprised to see what I did see in your panties.” “What you did have in your panties is certainly nothing to smile about, young lady,” she tells the girl, “It was certainly VERY close to being enough to be called an accident.”
Of course, this leaves the TVPC in a dilemma. We’ve got 2 teachers with 2 different accounts of what we’ve got in Carly’s panties. I mean, they’re not vastly different accounts but Miss Defequer says there’s enough for it to be called a panty-soiling accident while Miss Mars says it’s just short of being enough for that. But Miss Defequer has more to add to her argument. “I think Veronica (that is, Miss Mars) is just looking at what Carly had in her panties while she was changing for gym class,” the French teacher points out, “She’s not taking into account what Carly had managed to clean out of her panties before that.” “When I caught Carly on the toilet earlier, she was trying to clean up her panties,” Miss Defequer reports further, “She had toilet paper in her hand and was trying to rub the mess out of her panties as best she could.” Questioned next by me, Carly reluctantly (but honestly) admits that is true. “That’s probably how a little bit of fecal matter in her panties turned into one big stain,” Miss Defequer adds.
Hearing that, Miss Mars changes her assessment. “If there was initially more in Carly’s panties than what I saw in the locker room today, then I’m going to have to agree with Miss Defequer,” she says, “If she had any more than I saw, then that would be enough for it to be a panty-soiling violation.” Carly lets out an audible groan at hearing that. “I’m sorry, Carly,” Miss Mars tells the well-liked senior, “But I’m afraid that I’m going to have to agree that you had a ‘Panty-Soiling’ today.” “I’m sorry, too,” I then tell her, “But I’m going to have to find you ‘Guilty’ on the ‘Panty-Soiling’ charge.”
Moving on to the other charges, Carly has already pleaded “Guilty” to “Clogging the Toilet.” That specifically is a “Category #2 Clogging – Clogging with a Bowel Movement and Toilet Paper. “It really was the toilet paper that did it,” Miss Defequer points out, “She did have a big bowel movement in the toilet but it was the excessive amount of toilet paper that she used that really caused the toilet to clog.” And that, of course, leads us to the 3rd charge against Carly today – That of “Using Too Much Toilet Paper.” “I know I used a lot,” Carly then tells us, “But I really did need it all.” “I don’t know what else to say,” she continues, “I had a big bowel movement and I was really messy and it just took a lot of toilet paper to wipe myself afterwards.” “And apparently you used some toilet paper to wipe your panties, as well,” I point out to Carly, “That no doubt contributed to how much toilet paper was in the bowl.” She acknowledges that that’s true.
I have no doubt that Carly did use a whole lot of toilet paper. Obviously, Miss Defequer didn’t just make up this charge and the quantity of toilet paper used was indeed enough to clog the toilet. But the French teacher really doesn’t have any evidence that Carly used more than was necessary. As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, girls are given quite a bit of leeway when it comes to the amount of toilet paper that they use. In other words, it has to be really obvious and really excessive for a girl to found “Guilty” of this. Accordingly, I’m pleased to tell a very relieved Carly that I’m finding her “Not Guilty” on this particular charge.
Moving then to her punishment on the other charges, I first sentence Carly to 1 day in detention and to write, “I will not soil my panties in school again” 150 times. That’s obviously for the panty-soiling – Her 2nd of this school year. “That’s a pretty light sentence, Carly,” I point out, “And that’s obviously because, like we’ve discussed, your accident was a particularly light one.” For clogging the toilet, Carly gets 2 days of detention and 150 times “I will not clog the toilet in the girls’ room at school again.” That’s obviously pretty light as well. “Just be more careful next time,” I suggest to Carly, “Maybe just flush your bowel movement first if it’s that big or perhaps flush after a wipe or two if you’re going to have to wipe a lot.” “Yes, sir – I’ll do that,” Carly says, looking relieved that her punishment wasn’t worse, “I don’t usually have bowel movements that are that big or that messy.”
For the next matter before the TVPC this afternoon, we have a petite and pretty senior named Dawn. Dawn is shy about doing her bowel movements at school and consequently has been before the TVPC before – Most notably at our November 18th, 2013 TVPC session when she was forced to plead “Guilty” to a panty-soiling she had done several days earlier. It seems that Dawn had managed to make it home without getting caught and then hid the soiled the panties in her underwear drawer at home where they were later discovered. Dawn is the younger sister of a girl named Buffy (herself no stranger to the TVPC) who graduated 2˝ years ago. Buffy is now Dawn’s legal guardian and is none too happy with her sister’s propensity for soiling her panties in school. Buffy found those hidden soiled panties (as well as another soiled pair that Dawn swore only happened on her way home from school) and brought them to our attention here at the TVPC.
Fortunately, Dawn seems to have clean panties today – I’m told she got a pass from Miss Buchman (her English teacher 4th period) and promptly took care of her business in the 2nd Floor girls’ room – but the same couldn’t be said for Dawn 1 week ago. One week ago, Dawn was before the TVPC in badly soiled panties, having had a major accident in Math class 8th period with Miss Spellman. Dawn is currently scheduled for an hour of toilet sitting detention in the Main Corridor girls’ room – The final day of a 1 week sentence for that panty-soiling 1 week ago. But she has some business to take care of here first.
As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, when a girl gets a writing assignment from the TVPC, she has 1 week to hand it in. Dawn, thus far, has yet to hand in that punishment for her panty-soiling last week – Specifically, “I will not soil my panties in school again” written 1,000 times. Looking over at Dawn, I then see the pretty senior brunette reach into her “Twilight – The Vampire Series” notebook and pull out a very thick packet of paper. “I have it, sir,” Dawn tells me, “I finally finished it last night.” As directed, she then hands that packet of paper to the TVPC clerk. “That was a tough assignment to finish, sir,” she adds, “It really takes a long time to write 1,000 lines.” “I would think so, Dawn,” I tell her, “1,000 times is certainly no picnic.” “That’s one reason why girls try to avoid messing in their panties,” I point out, “They want to avoid having to do writing assignments like that.”
Looking over the girl’s 1,000 sentences, our TVPC clerk notes that the packet of paper is particularly thick because Dawn only wrote on 1 side of the paper. “That’s perfectly fine,” he tells Dawn, “It’s up to you whether you use both sides of the paper or just 1 side.” “It’s just that most girls do use both sides of the paper,” our ever efficient clerk notes, “And that’s especially true when a girl’s gotta do a really long assignment like 1,000 times.” “I mean, that comes out to 40 sheets of paper if the girl only writes on 1 side,” he points out. He also commends Dawn for writing her sentences particularly neatly – Again, something not very common when a girl’s gotta do 1,000 times. The pretty senior just shrugs her shoulders at hearing that. I think she’s just glad that it’s over with.
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