Introduction and Question

[observer9]

Hi. As you might guess from my screen name I am mostly a lurker. I am a male (20's) pantypooper and sometimes pee. I like watching women poop and pee normally and in their pants and diapers, I like pooping more. I like the idea of sharing the experience of pooping and peeing. Buddy pooping/peeing would be cool. Due my living situation (w/parents) I only poop my pants occasionally. I haven't tried diapers because of this and because I'm worried about being affected by the strong chemicals in diapers. I know that seems moot since I have no problem getting poop and pee all over myself.

I'm posting because I've been a little depressed lately and part of it has to do with my interests here. I'm shy and have social anxiety. I went through quite a bit growing up. I'm worried my life has become polarized by my poop and sex interests. As a part of me it has too much influence. For example I'm thinking about starting to date and all I can think about is being open about poop and paving the way to have poop related experiences. I'm not normally open about poop or sex mostly as a matter of politeness, even among my friends. If I feel comfortable though I can talk openly about poop and sex (but not poop sex yet). I'm normally supportive of fetish and fantasy and GGG (google Savage Love) especially when it involves something harmless like pooping your pants. The problem is when it interferes with normal.

The problem is that it has gotten to the point where all I want is to satisfy the desires of my fetish. Inside my normal life is affected and outside my life is consequently functional but miserable. I think it might be different if my life was better, for example I was having sex and in a healthy relationship, and I had more purpose in my life and control of my life. A few years ago I spoke to my therapist about this fetish and he didn't think it was a problem but I had to stop seeing him because my insurance ran out. Recently I have acquired some insurance and am going to see him again.

My urges are so powerful and I read about experiences here and on toilet stool and I get anxious about these experiences because I fear that my personality is going to destroy any possibility of having these experiences. I have had one romantic relationship and although there were many problems i think the biggest was that in the end she was just a tool for me to have experiences, pooping ones among other normal things. I fear my fetish has among other things driven me to seek in women not a companion but a toy and that frightens me.

I guess I seek any advice, encouragement or experience about co-existing with pantypooping.

P.s: As part of my job this morning I was unloading a truck which requires a lot of lifting. I've noticed when lifting it gets things moving and I feel like pooping. Though it quiets down afterwards for awhile. I also have had to poop while writing this post so I better stop or you where it will end up!

[sixty something]

Hi,
Thanks for your honesty. I too have been a lurker here for some time making only very occasional postings.
I'm a 63 year old male with no interest in self peeing or pooping, albeit I've experienced both through mdical problems in the past.
Like you, I did worry at one time my interest in female incontinence of both kinds was becoming an obsession, and sought psychological help.
I suppose I was hoping to be 'cured' but after several quite useful sessions, she really only gave out one message which was 'nothing is wrong so long as it is not imposed on someone unwilling to participate'. Not very helpful.
My interest gooes back to childhood experiences I won't detail here for reasons of space, and the interest was revived later in life by my medical problems.
At present I find it is growing again. I've been sparated from my wife for more than 12 months owing to her starting a new relationship.
As I still have some emotoinal attachment to her, I don't feel able to start a full relationship with anyone else, during which I might broach the subject of my interest with another woman.
So I live in an emotional vacuum currently with no physical contact with a member of the opposite sex,albeit through choice, but with an increasing sense of sexual frustration.
I relieve it by viewing the free contributions so generously shared by a few other members of this board, and the use of one or two specilaist pay sites.
None of this will help you with your 'problem', but I hope you will know you are not alone.

[observer9]

Thank you, that's nice to know. The second part is especially helpful because it puts in words some of thoughts and feelings I hadn't quite formed a coherent statement for. I am starting the process of dating right now, but I think I also need to address a broader problem of mine. I learned from my one previous relationship that I build things up and create expectations in my mind. These expectations aren't met and I get upset. This is kind of a topic for my therapist so I will stop.

On a completely different topic. I pooped my pants today and nearly got caught. My sister came home and my pants were still loaded. Fortunately I was upstairs so I managed to sneak into the bathroom and clean up. The load was slightly colorful because I had beets the previous night.