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Welcome to a session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.
My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of May 30, 2014.
Our first case before the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) today is actually a case from yesterday. Reese, a cute and perky blonde-haired senior who is a member of our girls’ softball team, has been charged by her coach with panty-soiling. Faithful readers of the TVPC know that accidents and other toilet violations by those who represent the school (like softball players) are considered more serious than accidents and other violations occurring in school. Such accidents embarrass not only the girl having the accident but they embarrass the whole team and even our whole school. Consequently, they are punished with considerably more severity than other accidents. Oddly, though, this is only noted as a regular panty-soiling accident and not one while representing the school. Of course, I ask the coach about this.
“She really doesn’t deserve any extra punishment,” Coach Cooke explains, “It didn’t actually happen at the game, so she didn’t really embarrass the school or the team with her accident.” Coach Cooke is really a nice lady and I’m sure that she doesn’t want to make things worse for Reese – especially since this is only the first time that Reese has messed in her panties since she was a sophomore. But it’s really not up to the coach to decide. “It doesn’t actually have to happen at the game itself,” I point out, “She is still representing the school even on the bus ride home.” I note that the Violation Report filled out by Coach Cooke states that Reese’s accident happened while she was in the school corridor by the gym on her way to the girls’ room there. “It doesn’t even have to happen on the bus,” I clarify, “Even if a girl makes it all the way back to our school but still has the accident before the can get to the girls’ room, it’s still an accident while representing the school.” “She was representing the school as a softball player from the time she got on the bus to go to the game to when she left school property after getting back,” I explain, “That’s why girls always need to be on their best behavior – toilet-wise or otherwise.”
“I know it’s my fault that I had the accident and I deserve to be punished for that,” Reese then chimes in, “But I really don’t think that I should get the extra punishment, either.” “I know I’m guilty of having the accident and admit that it was really stupid of me to do,” the senior beauty continues, “But it just isn’t right to say that I was representing the school at the time.” Reese is a good student with a good toilet record (as I’ve noted she hasn’t had an accident since she was a sophomore and even that was only 1 time), and unlike a lot of girls, isn’t known to be a whiner or complainer when things don’t go her way. I understand why Coach Cooke wants to spare one of her best players the extra punishment for a “while representing the school” accident, and obviously Reese wants to avoid having to do that extra punishment, but I don’t quite understand why they both don’t seem to understand the rules here. Sure, she is a very nice young lady and I feel bad that this happened to her, but rules are rules and I need to give her the punishment she’s earned under the rules. A bit frustrated, the well-spoken senior then requests to explain it all from the beginning, and I grant her that courtesy.
She first tells us how she did have to go at the game but didn’t want to do it in the port-o-potty that was at the softball field. She says that she really didn’t have to go that bad then. “I’m like if I really have to go, I’ll go ahead and use the port-o-potty because I’d rather do that than go in my pants,” she explains, “But I really don’t like using port-o-pottys – especially for that – so if I can wait, I’ll wait.” “And this time, I could definitely wait,” she points out. She then tells us that by the time they back to our school, she did have to go kind of bad. “Well, obviously, you did have to go bad if you made a mess in your panties a short time later,” I point out. “It really wasn’t like that, sir,” she points out, “I didn’t go in my panties until a while later.” She then tells us that on the bus ride home, she got a text message from her mom. “My younger sister plays on the junior high team and she had a game yesterday, too,” Reese explains, “My mom suddenly had to work late so she needed me to pick up my sister after her game at the junior high.” “My sister was also part of the big arts and crafts show at the high school last night,” the senior blonde beauty continues, “So I had to pick her up at the junior high and drop her off back at the high school.”
It’s all an interesting story but I motion for her to speed things along to the point where she messed in her panties. “So when our bus got back to the school, I just hopped in my car and went to pick up my sister,” she continues, “I guess I had to go kind of bad by now, but I figured I’d just go at the junior high when I picked up my sister or when we both got back to the high school.” “But when I got to my sister’s game, it was in extra innings and her school had already been locked shut,” she explains. “There was just no place to go to the bathroom there,” she points out, “After a while, I was even looking for some bushes to squat behind, but there wasn’t even any place like that there.” “By the time the game was over and I was driving with my sister back to the high school, I was barely holding it in,” she continues, “And by the time, I had parked and made it through the parking lot to the hallway, it was too late.” “I couldn’t even hold it in long enough to get to the girls’ room,” she explains, “I totally lost control and totally messed in my panties right there in the hallway.” “I was at school to help chaperone the art show,” Coach Cooke adds, “I just happened to be see Reese standing in the hallway as she lost control and messed in her panties.”
It’s a long and certainly not happy story, but it’s one that brings a smile to my face. Now, I understand what Reese and Coach Cooke were talking about and why they don’t think that this qualifies as a “while representing the school” panty-soiling. And now that I fully understand the story of how it happened, I realize that they are correct. “Once you drove off school grounds after you got back from the game you were no longer representing the school as a softball player,” I explain and note for the record “It obviously was pretty foolish of you, having to go as bad as you did, not to have used the girls’ room while you had the chance,” I point out, “But apparently it wasn’t until a while later, after you had left school grounds, that that foolish decision came back to haunt you.” “Bottom line is that you were NOT representing the school at the time,” I explain and once again note for the record. That news brings a smile both to Reese and her softball coach.
But I don’t think that they, especially Reese, understand just how happy a resolution this is. “Not only were you not representing the school on the softball team when this happened,” I point out, “But by the time, it happened you were completely on your own time.” “When it happened, you were not even part of the art show but only there to drop off your sister,” I explain, “Your status at the art show was that of a visitor and nothing else.” She’s a smart girl, but I don’t think she quite understands it fully. “Not only were you not representing the school when it happened, but you were not even considered a student at our school at the time,” I clarify, “In other words, you were not even subject to TVPC jurisdiction at all.”
I give it a moment for that to sink in. “Are you saying that I don’t even have to get punished at all for this?” she then asks me hopefully. “That’s exactly what I’m saying,” I tell her, “You were on your own time when it happened and therefore it’s simply not a TVPC matter.” Reese flashes a big smile and I can see that Coach Cooke is pretty happy about it as well.
“That’s not to say that what you did wasn’t shameful,” I remind her, “Whether officially in school or not, girls your age shouldn’t be having accidents like this.” “Yes sir,” she answers, “That was very shameful of me and pretty disgusting as well.” “It was really embarrassing – especially doing it in front of my little sister,” she adds, “That sets a very poor example for her.” “And it was really stupid of me to keep putting off going for as long as I did,” she further acknowledges, “I really should have used the port-o-potty back at the game when I first had to go, and obviously shouldn’t have waited even longer when I went to pick up my sister.” “I may not be getting punished here, but I certainly learned my lesson,” she points out, “I guess it’s not really considered a punishment, but cleaning myself up after this and cleaning out my panties was pretty bad in itself.” Her coach nods her head in agreement as do I. I think Reese really does get it and I doubt that I’ll see in her messy panties again.
Next up before the TVPC is Alex, a very bright and extremely articulate junior. She is charged with being late for class for purposes of using the bathroom. Specifically, the charge is that she was late for her 7th period History class today with Mr. Feeney. This certainly isn’t considered a serious offense but unfortunately for Alex, it’s not only her 3rd offense this school year but her 3rd offense in Mr. Feeney’s class alone. Mr. Feeney, as faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, is one of our strictest teachers– Especially when it comes to bathroom matters. His philosophy is that class time is strictly for academic purposes and that students need to take care of their personal business – Including going to the bathroom – On their own time.
Mr. Feeney is here, of course, to press this charge against Alex and he urges us to be quite severe with her. “Obviously, this young lady didn’t learn her lesson the first 2 times you punished her for this,” the strict History teacher pleads, “So obviously you need to be considerably more severe with her this time.” “I think a toilet suspension is certainly in order here, Mr. Chairman,” Mr. Feeney continues, “If she can’t manage to take care of her bathroom business on her own time, perhaps she shouldn’t be trusted in having toilet privileges in school at all.” I and my fellow TVPC members are all taken aback by Mr. Feeney’s harsh words. Unless Alex was hanging out in the girls’ room the whole period or something, a toilet suspension certainly seems unduly severe in a case like this.
But while our committee is a bit taken aback by Mr. Feeney’s comments, Alex looks like she’s about ready to explode. Before recognizing her to speak, I take a moment to calm her down a bit. “I’d advise you to keep control of that famous tongue of yours,” I warn the pretty honor student, “As you know, the TVPC isn’t a big fan of your sarcasm.”
That last part is a lesson that Alex had to learn the hard way. Specifically, at our October 31, 2013 TVPC meeting, she got herself 500 lines of punishment writing to do for arguing about Mr. Feeney’s strict bathroom policies. Alex also has a violation for Leaving Class (Mr. Feeney’s class) Without Permission to Use the Girls’ Room and a violation for wetting her pants in Mr. Feeney’s class on another occasion when Mr. Feeney wouldn’t give her permission to go. “Being late for class isn’t necessarily a serious offense,” I remind Alex, “I would hate to see you make it worse on yourself with some ill-advised comments. Alex then seems to calm down a bit – nodding her head in seeming agreement with my warning.
“It’s just that it’s so frustrating, sir,” Alex, exasperated, tells me, “I don’t know why it has to be such a hassle just to go to the bathroom.” “I’m really sorry I was a little late to class, sir, but I wouldn’t dare not go to the girls’ room beforehand,” the articulate brunette explains, “I just can’t risk having to go during class and Mr. Feeney not letting me go.” Mr. Feeney, of course, never lets students go to the girls’ room during class. “I’m just trying to take care of my bathroom needs when I can,” she explains further, “I just don’t want to get stuck going in my pants in class.” “I’ve already wet my pants in class before and I also got punished for going without permission,” Alex laments, “I just don’t know why it has to be such a hassle – I just don’t know why we can’t just go to the bathroom when we need to.” That’s basically a rhetorical question because Alex is certainly smart enough to know the answer to that. As faithful readers of the TVPC know, it’s entirely up to the teacher whether or not to give students girls’ room passes on class time.
Alex, who acknowledges that she has quite a small bladder, has long had problems holding it in throughout the school day. Not being able to get a pass and go to the girls’ room during Mr. Feeney’s class has created a lot of problems for her. Mr. Feeney, though, seems unconcerned. “Class time is for class business,” the History teacher explains, “You take care of your personal business on your own time.” But Alex, being careful to maintain a respectful tone, says that’s easier than it sounds. “I’m trying, sir, I’m really trying,” she tells her History teacher, “But it’s definitely not as easy as it sounds.” “It’s just not easy to go between classes and still get to class on time,” Alex says, “And that’s what I always have to do since you’d never let me go if I had to go during class.”
But Mr. Feeney counters that it really shouldn’t be that hard. “I imagine it isn’t quite as easy for girls as it is for boys,” Mr. Feeney tells her, “But there is still no reason why you can’t take care of that between classes.” “I mean, you always complain about what a small bladder your have,” he points out, “How long does it take then to just empty it and get to class.” But that statement also serves to anger the petite, junior beauty. “Well, sometimes we have to do more than just urinate!” Alex fires back, a distinct note of sarcasm in her voice, “I don’t know how it is for boys, but sometimes we girls need to have bowel movements as well. The implication being that Alex didn’t only have to urinate this afternoon before Mr. Feeney’s class but had to have a bowel movement as well. “I’d like to see anyone try to have a bowel movement between classes and still make it to class on time,” she pointedly tells him. “You know, if you’d at least give girls bathroom passes when we needed to have bowel movements even that would be better,” she tells him, sarcasm evident, “We can usually manage to urinate between classes, but no way do we have enough time to do bowel movements then.” Quickly, I put up my hand to stop Alex before she goes too far. I remind her again of the consequences unless she controls that sarcastic streak of hers.
“I’m sorry, sir, but it’s just so frustrating,” she reiterates, “I just want to be able to go to the bathroom when I need to.” Determining punishment in a case like this isn’t easy. Obviously, we’re not going to consider Mr. Feeney’s suggestion that Alex be put on toilet suspension, but I have to be careful not to let her off too easy as well. While not a serious offense at all, it is her 3rd offense and she has a scattering of other offenses as well. I give Alex a choice of writing 300 times, “I will not be late for class for bathroom purposes again” and serving 3 days detention sitting on the toilet or writing the sentence 500 times and serving only 1 day of toilet sitting detention. Both Mr. Feeney and Alex react to the sentence options. I take that as proof I’ve struck the right compromise – Alex thinking it too severe and Mr. Feeney not thinking it severe enough. Alex takes the 300 times with 3 days detention. Also giving her a choice of girls’ rooms to do her toilet sitting punishment in, she chooses the girls’ room in the Science Wing. “It’s quiet in there after school,” she says. But I do remind the bright and articulate honor student that doing homework or reading is not allowed during toilet sitting punishment. “You just sit there on the toilet thinking about what you did to get the punishment,” I remind her. “What I did to get the punishment was go the bathroom,” she quips. The comment draws a stern look of disapproval from me and Alex, wisely, has nothing further to say.
My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of May 30, 2014.
Our first case before the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) today is actually a case from yesterday. Reese, a cute and perky blonde-haired senior who is a member of our girls’ softball team, has been charged by her coach with panty-soiling. Faithful readers of the TVPC know that accidents and other toilet violations by those who represent the school (like softball players) are considered more serious than accidents and other violations occurring in school. Such accidents embarrass not only the girl having the accident but they embarrass the whole team and even our whole school. Consequently, they are punished with considerably more severity than other accidents. Oddly, though, this is only noted as a regular panty-soiling accident and not one while representing the school. Of course, I ask the coach about this.
“She really doesn’t deserve any extra punishment,” Coach Cooke explains, “It didn’t actually happen at the game, so she didn’t really embarrass the school or the team with her accident.” Coach Cooke is really a nice lady and I’m sure that she doesn’t want to make things worse for Reese – especially since this is only the first time that Reese has messed in her panties since she was a sophomore. But it’s really not up to the coach to decide. “It doesn’t actually have to happen at the game itself,” I point out, “She is still representing the school even on the bus ride home.” I note that the Violation Report filled out by Coach Cooke states that Reese’s accident happened while she was in the school corridor by the gym on her way to the girls’ room there. “It doesn’t even have to happen on the bus,” I clarify, “Even if a girl makes it all the way back to our school but still has the accident before the can get to the girls’ room, it’s still an accident while representing the school.” “She was representing the school as a softball player from the time she got on the bus to go to the game to when she left school property after getting back,” I explain, “That’s why girls always need to be on their best behavior – toilet-wise or otherwise.”
“I know it’s my fault that I had the accident and I deserve to be punished for that,” Reese then chimes in, “But I really don’t think that I should get the extra punishment, either.” “I know I’m guilty of having the accident and admit that it was really stupid of me to do,” the senior beauty continues, “But it just isn’t right to say that I was representing the school at the time.” Reese is a good student with a good toilet record (as I’ve noted she hasn’t had an accident since she was a sophomore and even that was only 1 time), and unlike a lot of girls, isn’t known to be a whiner or complainer when things don’t go her way. I understand why Coach Cooke wants to spare one of her best players the extra punishment for a “while representing the school” accident, and obviously Reese wants to avoid having to do that extra punishment, but I don’t quite understand why they both don’t seem to understand the rules here. Sure, she is a very nice young lady and I feel bad that this happened to her, but rules are rules and I need to give her the punishment she’s earned under the rules. A bit frustrated, the well-spoken senior then requests to explain it all from the beginning, and I grant her that courtesy.
She first tells us how she did have to go at the game but didn’t want to do it in the port-o-potty that was at the softball field. She says that she really didn’t have to go that bad then. “I’m like if I really have to go, I’ll go ahead and use the port-o-potty because I’d rather do that than go in my pants,” she explains, “But I really don’t like using port-o-pottys – especially for that – so if I can wait, I’ll wait.” “And this time, I could definitely wait,” she points out. She then tells us that by the time they back to our school, she did have to go kind of bad. “Well, obviously, you did have to go bad if you made a mess in your panties a short time later,” I point out. “It really wasn’t like that, sir,” she points out, “I didn’t go in my panties until a while later.” She then tells us that on the bus ride home, she got a text message from her mom. “My younger sister plays on the junior high team and she had a game yesterday, too,” Reese explains, “My mom suddenly had to work late so she needed me to pick up my sister after her game at the junior high.” “My sister was also part of the big arts and crafts show at the high school last night,” the senior blonde beauty continues, “So I had to pick her up at the junior high and drop her off back at the high school.”
It’s all an interesting story but I motion for her to speed things along to the point where she messed in her panties. “So when our bus got back to the school, I just hopped in my car and went to pick up my sister,” she continues, “I guess I had to go kind of bad by now, but I figured I’d just go at the junior high when I picked up my sister or when we both got back to the high school.” “But when I got to my sister’s game, it was in extra innings and her school had already been locked shut,” she explains. “There was just no place to go to the bathroom there,” she points out, “After a while, I was even looking for some bushes to squat behind, but there wasn’t even any place like that there.” “By the time the game was over and I was driving with my sister back to the high school, I was barely holding it in,” she continues, “And by the time, I had parked and made it through the parking lot to the hallway, it was too late.” “I couldn’t even hold it in long enough to get to the girls’ room,” she explains, “I totally lost control and totally messed in my panties right there in the hallway.” “I was at school to help chaperone the art show,” Coach Cooke adds, “I just happened to be see Reese standing in the hallway as she lost control and messed in her panties.”
It’s a long and certainly not happy story, but it’s one that brings a smile to my face. Now, I understand what Reese and Coach Cooke were talking about and why they don’t think that this qualifies as a “while representing the school” panty-soiling. And now that I fully understand the story of how it happened, I realize that they are correct. “Once you drove off school grounds after you got back from the game you were no longer representing the school as a softball player,” I explain and note for the record “It obviously was pretty foolish of you, having to go as bad as you did, not to have used the girls’ room while you had the chance,” I point out, “But apparently it wasn’t until a while later, after you had left school grounds, that that foolish decision came back to haunt you.” “Bottom line is that you were NOT representing the school at the time,” I explain and once again note for the record. That news brings a smile both to Reese and her softball coach.
But I don’t think that they, especially Reese, understand just how happy a resolution this is. “Not only were you not representing the school on the softball team when this happened,” I point out, “But by the time, it happened you were completely on your own time.” “When it happened, you were not even part of the art show but only there to drop off your sister,” I explain, “Your status at the art show was that of a visitor and nothing else.” She’s a smart girl, but I don’t think she quite understands it fully. “Not only were you not representing the school when it happened, but you were not even considered a student at our school at the time,” I clarify, “In other words, you were not even subject to TVPC jurisdiction at all.”
I give it a moment for that to sink in. “Are you saying that I don’t even have to get punished at all for this?” she then asks me hopefully. “That’s exactly what I’m saying,” I tell her, “You were on your own time when it happened and therefore it’s simply not a TVPC matter.” Reese flashes a big smile and I can see that Coach Cooke is pretty happy about it as well.
“That’s not to say that what you did wasn’t shameful,” I remind her, “Whether officially in school or not, girls your age shouldn’t be having accidents like this.” “Yes sir,” she answers, “That was very shameful of me and pretty disgusting as well.” “It was really embarrassing – especially doing it in front of my little sister,” she adds, “That sets a very poor example for her.” “And it was really stupid of me to keep putting off going for as long as I did,” she further acknowledges, “I really should have used the port-o-potty back at the game when I first had to go, and obviously shouldn’t have waited even longer when I went to pick up my sister.” “I may not be getting punished here, but I certainly learned my lesson,” she points out, “I guess it’s not really considered a punishment, but cleaning myself up after this and cleaning out my panties was pretty bad in itself.” Her coach nods her head in agreement as do I. I think Reese really does get it and I doubt that I’ll see in her messy panties again.
Next up before the TVPC is Alex, a very bright and extremely articulate junior. She is charged with being late for class for purposes of using the bathroom. Specifically, the charge is that she was late for her 7th period History class today with Mr. Feeney. This certainly isn’t considered a serious offense but unfortunately for Alex, it’s not only her 3rd offense this school year but her 3rd offense in Mr. Feeney’s class alone. Mr. Feeney, as faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, is one of our strictest teachers– Especially when it comes to bathroom matters. His philosophy is that class time is strictly for academic purposes and that students need to take care of their personal business – Including going to the bathroom – On their own time.
Mr. Feeney is here, of course, to press this charge against Alex and he urges us to be quite severe with her. “Obviously, this young lady didn’t learn her lesson the first 2 times you punished her for this,” the strict History teacher pleads, “So obviously you need to be considerably more severe with her this time.” “I think a toilet suspension is certainly in order here, Mr. Chairman,” Mr. Feeney continues, “If she can’t manage to take care of her bathroom business on her own time, perhaps she shouldn’t be trusted in having toilet privileges in school at all.” I and my fellow TVPC members are all taken aback by Mr. Feeney’s harsh words. Unless Alex was hanging out in the girls’ room the whole period or something, a toilet suspension certainly seems unduly severe in a case like this.
But while our committee is a bit taken aback by Mr. Feeney’s comments, Alex looks like she’s about ready to explode. Before recognizing her to speak, I take a moment to calm her down a bit. “I’d advise you to keep control of that famous tongue of yours,” I warn the pretty honor student, “As you know, the TVPC isn’t a big fan of your sarcasm.”
That last part is a lesson that Alex had to learn the hard way. Specifically, at our October 31, 2013 TVPC meeting, she got herself 500 lines of punishment writing to do for arguing about Mr. Feeney’s strict bathroom policies. Alex also has a violation for Leaving Class (Mr. Feeney’s class) Without Permission to Use the Girls’ Room and a violation for wetting her pants in Mr. Feeney’s class on another occasion when Mr. Feeney wouldn’t give her permission to go. “Being late for class isn’t necessarily a serious offense,” I remind Alex, “I would hate to see you make it worse on yourself with some ill-advised comments. Alex then seems to calm down a bit – nodding her head in seeming agreement with my warning.
“It’s just that it’s so frustrating, sir,” Alex, exasperated, tells me, “I don’t know why it has to be such a hassle just to go to the bathroom.” “I’m really sorry I was a little late to class, sir, but I wouldn’t dare not go to the girls’ room beforehand,” the articulate brunette explains, “I just can’t risk having to go during class and Mr. Feeney not letting me go.” Mr. Feeney, of course, never lets students go to the girls’ room during class. “I’m just trying to take care of my bathroom needs when I can,” she explains further, “I just don’t want to get stuck going in my pants in class.” “I’ve already wet my pants in class before and I also got punished for going without permission,” Alex laments, “I just don’t know why it has to be such a hassle – I just don’t know why we can’t just go to the bathroom when we need to.” That’s basically a rhetorical question because Alex is certainly smart enough to know the answer to that. As faithful readers of the TVPC know, it’s entirely up to the teacher whether or not to give students girls’ room passes on class time.
Alex, who acknowledges that she has quite a small bladder, has long had problems holding it in throughout the school day. Not being able to get a pass and go to the girls’ room during Mr. Feeney’s class has created a lot of problems for her. Mr. Feeney, though, seems unconcerned. “Class time is for class business,” the History teacher explains, “You take care of your personal business on your own time.” But Alex, being careful to maintain a respectful tone, says that’s easier than it sounds. “I’m trying, sir, I’m really trying,” she tells her History teacher, “But it’s definitely not as easy as it sounds.” “It’s just not easy to go between classes and still get to class on time,” Alex says, “And that’s what I always have to do since you’d never let me go if I had to go during class.”
But Mr. Feeney counters that it really shouldn’t be that hard. “I imagine it isn’t quite as easy for girls as it is for boys,” Mr. Feeney tells her, “But there is still no reason why you can’t take care of that between classes.” “I mean, you always complain about what a small bladder your have,” he points out, “How long does it take then to just empty it and get to class.” But that statement also serves to anger the petite, junior beauty. “Well, sometimes we have to do more than just urinate!” Alex fires back, a distinct note of sarcasm in her voice, “I don’t know how it is for boys, but sometimes we girls need to have bowel movements as well. The implication being that Alex didn’t only have to urinate this afternoon before Mr. Feeney’s class but had to have a bowel movement as well. “I’d like to see anyone try to have a bowel movement between classes and still make it to class on time,” she pointedly tells him. “You know, if you’d at least give girls bathroom passes when we needed to have bowel movements even that would be better,” she tells him, sarcasm evident, “We can usually manage to urinate between classes, but no way do we have enough time to do bowel movements then.” Quickly, I put up my hand to stop Alex before she goes too far. I remind her again of the consequences unless she controls that sarcastic streak of hers.
“I’m sorry, sir, but it’s just so frustrating,” she reiterates, “I just want to be able to go to the bathroom when I need to.” Determining punishment in a case like this isn’t easy. Obviously, we’re not going to consider Mr. Feeney’s suggestion that Alex be put on toilet suspension, but I have to be careful not to let her off too easy as well. While not a serious offense at all, it is her 3rd offense and she has a scattering of other offenses as well. I give Alex a choice of writing 300 times, “I will not be late for class for bathroom purposes again” and serving 3 days detention sitting on the toilet or writing the sentence 500 times and serving only 1 day of toilet sitting detention. Both Mr. Feeney and Alex react to the sentence options. I take that as proof I’ve struck the right compromise – Alex thinking it too severe and Mr. Feeney not thinking it severe enough. Alex takes the 300 times with 3 days detention. Also giving her a choice of girls’ rooms to do her toilet sitting punishment in, she chooses the girls’ room in the Science Wing. “It’s quiet in there after school,” she says. But I do remind the bright and articulate honor student that doing homework or reading is not allowed during toilet sitting punishment. “You just sit there on the toilet thinking about what you did to get the punishment,” I remind her. “What I did to get the punishment was go the bathroom,” she quips. The comment draws a stern look of disapproval from me and Alex, wisely, has nothing further to say.
Glad to see you back and better than ever!
I have to confess. I have a crush on Grace.
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