Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

[Arnold Ziffel]

NOTE: I had intended to get this posted in August but I didn‘t quite get it finished in time. Please note the date of the session is August 28, 2018


Welcome to a SPECIAL SESSION of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Normally, meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school.

But this is a Special Summertime Session of the TVPC called to address some of the toilet violations that have occurred over the summer. School, of course, is not actually in session, but that doesn’t mean the work of the TVPC stops. As we approach the new school year, there are a variety of things going on from summer school to pre-season athletic practices to cheerleading camp just to name a few. And because those things are most certainly school functions, the toileting behavior of our female students at those functions falls under TVPC jurisdiction

It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.

My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the SPECIAL SESSION of the TVPC called for 10:00 AM on Tuesday, August 28, 2018.

Most recently, our school band returned from 5 days away at band camp. This is where they not only practice their craft but learn new routines for the upcoming season. Unlike cheerleading camp, which takes place in a college setting with girls living in dorms, band camp is an actual camp with a more rustic setting and the girls living in cabins. Certainly there are no excuses for toilet violations regardless of the available toilet facilities, but given the campground setting, it’s not like such violations are unexpected. Consequently, we always schedule a special TVPC session every year to deal with those toilet violations that arise at band camp. And this year, it would seem that we have more cases than usual. “I am very disappointed in you girls,” I tell those sitting anxiously along “Defendants’ Row” waiting for their case to be called, “I realize that campsite bathrooms many not be the greatest but it’s still no excuse for going in your pants or committing other toilet violations.”

“There was nothing wrong with the bathrooms there at all,” comes a voice from the front row of the witnesses’ section. “They were all reasonably clean and they all had doors on the stalls with locks,” she lectures the girls, “It’s an absolute disgrace for girls your age to be going in your pants and having these kinds of issues with going to the bathroom.” With that, I take a moment to introduce our new band director, Mrs. Sylvester. Mrs. Sylvester is taking over for Mr. Hornman who recently retired. As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, Mr. Hornman did a great job as Band Director -- especially in dealing with the various toilet violations from the girls in the band. “We are most pleased to have you with us,” I tell the pretty blonde, “But you’ve got some pretty big shoes to fill in taking over for Mr. Hornman.” “Yes sir -- I know what a great job Mr. Hornman did,” Mrs. Sylvester acknowledges, “I’ll do my best to live up to that.” “I think we’re going to have a great band this year -- I’m looking forward to the season with great GLEE,” she tells us, “But I was very disappointed in the toilet habits of many of my girls -- We have a lot of work to do in that area.” Also here today is the Assistant Band Director Mrs. Duncan -- herself a pretty blonde -- and several chaperones who went on the trip with the band.

The first 2 cases this morning are 2 freshman flute players named Amy and Ellen. Each has been charged by Mrs. Duncan with “Panty-Soiling.” Ellen additionally has been charged with “Lying About Her Accident.”

Taking Amy’s case first, I see that the braces-clad cutie was actually caught with her accident in the girls’ room. “I went in there to use the bathroom myself,” Mrs. Duncan reports, “It was right after lunch on our first full day there.” “Surprisingly, it wasn’t very crowded in there at the time and suddenly I heard soft crying coming from one of the stalls,” our Assistant Band Director reports, “So obviously I went over to see what the problem was.” I found Amy sitting there in the stall crying,” Mrs. Duncan continues, “She was sitting there on the toilet with a pair of messy panties down at her knees.” “I’m sorry to say, Mr. Chairman, that it was a pretty full load in Amy’s panties,” she reports further, “I’m not saying that it was so big that it should warrant extra punishment, but it was rather clear that Amy had her full bowel movement in her pants.” “I mean, we can all see that Amy’s not a particular big girl,” she adds, “I have to believe that mess constituted a full bowel movement for a girl her size.”

That rather graphic description brings the shy and sensitive freshman to tears. “I’m sorry -- I’m so sorry,” she says through her tears, addressing her comments to Mrs. Duncan, “I’m so sorry that I went in my pants.” Even though it happened a week ago, she’s obviously still very upset about it. Mrs. Duncan -- as kind-hearted as always -- tries to calm the blonde-haired cutie down. “It’s alright, Amy,” she tells the girl, “Accidents can happen sometimes.” “I know it’s kind of gross and it’s embarrassing,” she comforts Amy, “But it’s only your first time and at least you don’t have to worry about getting punished for it.” I echo what Mrs. Duncan told her. “Yes, because it’s only your first offense, your only punishment is a warning,” I explain, “But it’s the only warning you’re going to get this year from our committee.” “The next time you go in your pants you are indeed going to be punished,” I warn her, “And the more times you go in your pants, the worse those punishments are going to get.”

“I think what Mr. Ziffel is telling you, Amy, is that you really need to be doing your bowel movements in the toilet instead of your pants,” the ever helpful Mrs. Duncan chimes in, “I mean, one accident isn’t so bad, but let’s try to stop it at only one.” “Exactly,” I concur. “As long as you learn your lesson from this, you’re going to be fine,” I tell her, “But unless you like detentions and writing punishments, you’d best not make a habit of this.” Amy, drying her tears a bit, nods her head that she understands. “I definitely think she learned her lesson,” Mrs. Duncan tells me, “She definitely did use the girls’ room after that and she had no more accidents for the rest of the trip.” “Isn’t that true, Amy,” she asks the girl. “Yes, Mrs. Duncan,” Amy answers. “It was only the first time that I had to make that I went in my pants,” the freshman cutie explains, “The rest of the time after that I went in the toilet.” Mrs. Duncan gives her a smile at hearing that. “I don’t imagine it was pleasant sitting there in the girls’ room with that mess in your pants,” Mrs. Duncan suggests to her, “But that’s what happens when you don’t go use the toilet when you need to.” “But hopefully you’re beyond that now,” Mrs. Duncan further suggests, “Hopefully you’ve learned that you really don’t want bowel movements in your pants -- especially on a school trip.” Amy nods her head in agreement with that. “I guess I had to learn that the hard way,” she says.

Well, yeah -- I guess you did,” Mrs. Duncan says with a smile, “But still, Amy, I have to wonder exactly what you were thinking.” “I mean, we were there for 5 days and you knew that,” she reminds the girl, “Were you really expecting to just hold it in for 5 days.” But the smart but shy blonde just shakes her head and says that she obviously didn’t think it through that far. “I don’t know what I was thinking,” she explains, “I just knew that I didn’t want to go poops in the girls’ room there.” “I don’t really like to go poops anywhere but at home or where there’s more privacy.” “But you ended up in the girls’ room anyway, didn’t you?” Mrs. Duncan asks, “But only that way you ended up sitting there with a mess in your pants.” “I don’t imagine that it was nice sitting there with that mess you had,” she reiterates to Amy. “It would seem to me that if you’re going to end up in the girls’ room anyway, it would be easier to just go in the toilet initially and avoid the mess in the mess in your panties,” she tells the girl, “Not to mention the hassle of having to wipe your behind clean after the mess gets all smeared around back there.” “Isn’t wiping yourself a lot easier when you just go in the toilet the regular way?” Mrs. Duncan asks. Amy nods her head that it is. “Definitely,” she tells the Assistant Band Director, “I definitely didn’t want to deal with another mess in the girls’ room there.” “You’re right, Mrs. Duncan,” Amy acknowledges, “Even if I didn’t like the toilets there, it was definitely easier to just use the toilet there and not try to hold it in and wind up going in my pants.” She goes on to thank Mrs. Duncan for helping her clean herself up in the stall. “I don’t know what I would have done without you,” she tells Mrs. Duncan, “I don’t know how I would have gotten myself cleaned up without your help.” “Well, the important thing is that you learned your lesson,” she tells the girl, “The important thing is that you started going in the toilet after that and didn’t do any more messes.”

It being Amy’s first offense and her having no other toilet violations, she is officially given a warning and dismissed without punishment.

Moving on to Ellen -- a cute bespectacled brunette -- her case is quite different than Amy’s. As I’ve noted, she’s not only charged with “Panty-Soiling” but “Lying” to Mrs. Duncan about it. “Lying is the more serious violation,” I tell the tall, skinny freshman, “Going in your pants was only an accident but lying, obviously, is intentional.” “As we saw with Amy, a first time panty-soiling isn’t all that serious,” I explain, “But you’ve made it a whole lot worse on yourself by lying about it.” “I’m sorry, sir,” Ellen tells me, obviously quite contrite, “I’m really sorry especially about lying to Mrs. Duncan.” “I guess I just didn’t want to admit to going in my pants,” she explains, “I guess I was just too embarrassed about having an accident in the first place.” “Well, you should be embarrassed about having an accident at your age,” I tell her, “If you want to avoid being embarrassed by that, you should make sure that you go in the toilet when you’re supposed to.” “But if you do have an accident, you need to learn to take responsibility for it,” I lecture Ellen, “For your sake, I hope this is the last time you try to lie your way out of being caught with an accident.” “Lying about a toilet violation only compounds your guilt,” I explain. “Yes, sir,” she tells me contritely, “I’m sorry, sir.”

Turning now to Mrs. Duncan, she tells us that it was another student that reported to her that Ellen had had an accident. “This other student was apparently in the girls’ room having a bowel movement of her own,” Mrs. Duncan explains, “And Ellen was in the stall next to her.” “This girl noticed that in the stall next to her, the girl had already flushed the toilet several times and seemed to be using an inordinate amount of toilet paper,” the pretty Assistant Band Director continues, “So, of course, she suspected that something was wrong and started paying attention to what Ellen was doing in the stall.” Relaying what she was told, Mrs. Duncan tells us that it eventually got to the point -- probably after she finished wiping herself of the mess -- that Ellen changed out of her messy panties. “She told me that she could see Ellen’s shorts on the floor under the stall partition,” Mrs. Duncan continues, “And then eventually she saw Ellen carefully sliding off her panties.” “And she says that she clearly saw that there was a mess in those panties,” she explains, “She told me that the messy panties where on the floor a while and she could see them quite clearly under the stall partition.” “Apparently she didn’t know at the time that it was Ellen in the neighboring stall,” Mrs. Duncan explains, “But she got to see who it was when they both come of their stalls.” “She told me that she saw Ellen clutching a T-shirt and she had it all bunched up in her hands,” Mrs. Duncan explains further, “She said it was pretty obvious that Ellen was hiding something in there.” The implication, of course, is that she was hiding her messy panties in there.

“I see,” I tell Mrs. Duncan, “And then I suppose you confronted Ellen about whether she had messed in her panties.” “Yes sir, Mr. Chairman,” she tells me, “I pulled her aside during a break in marching practice and asked her if she had had an accident earlier that day.” “I actually asked her several times if she’d had had an accident,” Mrs. Duncan reports, “And each time she vehemently denied that she did.” “She said that she’d been in the bathroom earlier but had simply used the toilet like she was supposed to,” she reports further, “She said it was a messy one and she had to wipe a lot to get herself clean but she vehemently denied that she had done any of it in her panties.” “I just didn’t know who to believe,” the ever thorough Mrs. Duncan explains, “I had a creditable report of Ellen having had an accident but I had Ellen herself vehemently denying that she did.” As our Assistant Band Director gives the details of her investigation, I note that Ellen is standing there stoically staring at the floor. “Is this all true, young lady?” I ask her, “Did you deny to Mrs. Duncan that you had soiled your panties?” “Yes, sir,” the pretty, dark-haired freshman admits. “And you had soiled your panties?” I ask her further. “Yes sir,” she answers me again, this time obviously quite ashamed of herself.

Mrs. Duncan goes on to explain that the matter wouldn’t actually be resolved until the next day. “The next morning at breakfast, her cabin-mates were complaining about a bad smell in their cabin,” Mrs. Duncan continues, “And even then Ellen didn’t step up and admit to what she’d done.” “It wasn’t until we searched through the cabin that we found it,” she tells us, “Hidden at the bottom of Ellen’s footlocker, in a plastic bag, we found Ellen’s soiled panties. “So you managed to smuggle your soiled panties out of the girls’ room and then you hid them in your footlocker?” I ask the tall, skinny freshman. “Yes sir,” she acknowledges, “I didn’t realize that they would smell like that -- I thought they were safe in the plastic bag I put them in.” “But you certainly could have admitted to what you did when we discovered the smell in your cabin,” Mrs. Duncan suggests, “Obviously, you knew by then that we were going to discover your soiled panties.” “I don’t really know what I was thinking,” Ellen says, “Like I said before, I guess I was just too embarrassed to admit that I’d gone in my pants.”

Upon questioning from me, Ellen admits that the accident happened because she, too, was trying to hold it in rather than go “poop” in the girls’ room like she was supposed to. “It wasn’t like I was trying to hold it in all week without pooping even once,” she tries to explain, “I knew I couldn’t make it all week without pooping even once.” “I was trying to hold it in and go at night when everyone else was sleeping,” she explains, “I was trying to wait and go when I could have more privacy in there.” But she also tells us that she learned her lesson from this experience of having this accident. “After that I just went and used the toilet when I needed to,” she tells us, “I didn’t really care who was in the bathroom when I need to go -- I just didn’t want to have another accident in my pants.”

That she learned her lesson from the experience and apparently properly used the toilet after that is, of course, a good thing. But the TVPC cannot ignore that Ellen blatantly lied to Mrs. Duncan in the performance of her duties as an investigator for the TVPC. And she obviously prolonged what should have been a quick and simple investigation by Mrs. Duncan. Acknowledging all that, I’m left just shaking my head at the bespectacled freshman beauty. “Unfortunately, your punishment for this is going to be a double whammy,” I tell her, “But you have no one but yourself to blame for this.” “You’re obviously going to be punished for lying to Mrs. Duncan and that’s no small matter,” I explain, “But now you’re also going to get punished for the panty-soiling itself.” “Normally, you’d only get a warning for the panty-soiling just like Amy got,” I explain further, “That, of course, being that it was only your first offense.” “But since you committed another violation in connection with the panty-soiling, you’re not entitled to get off with just a warning,” I tell her, “Now, I’m afraid, you’re going to have to get punished for that as well.”

For the panty-soiling itself, I sentence Ellen to write 100 times, “I will not soil my panties in school or at band camp again” and to serve 1 hour of detention. Even under these circumstances, the punishment for a first panty-soiling isn’t too bad and Ellen definitely looks surprised at how lenient it is. But, as I noted before, Lying is the more serious offense. For that Ellen will have to serve 5 hours of detention and write 500 times, “I will not lie during a Toilet Violations Punishment Committee investigation again.” That, on the other hand, is enough to reduce the poor girl to tears.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Moving on, I next call the name of Katie -- another freshman panty-soiler. But looking over my paperwork on her, I am most distressed to see that she’s not charged with only 1 but with 3 incidents of panty-soiling. Furthermore, I note that one of them was a doubleheader. A “doubleheader” is, of course, when a girl goes both ways in her pants. But even that wouldn’t have been such a big thing if it had been her only accident. But three times on one school trip is a cause of major concern.

“Three times?” I ask her angrily. “You messed in your panties three times?” I ask her again, “You were only there for five days and in that time you messed in your panties three times?” The shy freshman the looks up and just nods her head “yes.” “Did you even go in the toilet at all the whole time you were there?” I then ask, a tinge of anger still in my voice, “I mean, I assume you urinated in the toilet at least most of the time, but did you even once have a bowel movement in the toilet there?” With that, she just looks up at me again and this time, as she fights back tears, shakes her head “no.” I shake my head back at her in disbelief as does Mrs. Sylvester. “You know it’s one thing for a girl your age to have an accident -- It’s bad enough for a girl in high school to even once go in her pants,” Mrs. Sylvester tells her, “But at least Amy and Ellen seem to have learned their lesson from the first time it happened to them.” “But you, on the other hand, go and do it in your pants 3 times,” our new Band Director lectures the pretty clarinet player, “You don’t even learn your lesson from the first one and you just keep doing it.” “Disgraceful!” she yells at Katie, “That’s completely disgracing AND DISGUSTING!” “Shame on you,” she adds, “Just shame on you!” The harsh words leave Katie just staring at the floor with tears flowing freely down her pretty face.

Taking them in the order that they happened, Mrs. Montgomery, a parent-chaperone on the trip, caught Katie with the 1st accident. “It was the 2nd morning that we were there,” Mrs. Montgomery reports, “I was supervising Katie’s cabin and suddenly that morning there seemed to be a commotion in the cabin.” “Of course, I went to check on what was going on,” she says. “Unfortunately, the commotion was that Katie had soiled underwear,” Mrs. Montgomery reports further, “I guess the other girls noticed it while Katie was changing and getting dressed.” “I can’t really say for sure exactly when she did it,” the pretty brunette and band parent adds, “I just know that the mess was in her panties that morning.” She also points out that the mess looked like it may have hardened a bit. The implication being that the mess may have been in Katie’s panties a while before she was caught with it.

Mrs. Sylvester caught Katie with her 2nd accident. This one apparently happened the next day (ironically enough) in the “mess hall” cabin at dinner. “This one was, as you call it, the doubleheader accident,” our new Band Director reports, “This time she not only messed her panties but wet herself, too.” “We were all sitting there having a nice dinner -- the food at the camp was actually really good,” Mrs. Sylvester says, “And then suddenly I see girls jumping up from Katie’s table and moving quickly away from her.” “By the time I got over there to see what was going on, I could see a puddle forming on the floor,” she reports further, “And by that I mean, a BIG puddle and it was only getting bigger.” “I mean, that girl can really pee a lot,” she adds, “And she was doing it right their in the mess hall while the rest of us were eating.” “But, of course, that wasn’t even the worst of it,” Mrs. Sylvester continues, “When I checked her closer, I realized that she had had a messing accident as well.” “I’m thinking she may have done the messing accident earlier that afternoon -- perhaps when we were out on the field marching,” she speculates, “And then she probably didn’t want to go to the girls’ room to pee while she had the mess in her panties.” “She does get punished extra for going both ways in her pants, doesn’t she,” Mrs. Sylvester then asks. “Indeed she does,” I assure our enthusiastic new Band Director, “She’ll get punished plenty extra for the wetting and also because it seems to have been a particularly severe wetting at that.

Completing the trifecta, it was Mrs. Duncan who caught Katie with her 3rd one. “This one happened on the practice field the last day we were there,” Mrs. Duncan reports. “The practice field was a little bit away from the main part of the camp,” she tells us, “But they had an old-fashioned outhouse there for the girls to use.” “It may not have been the greatest of bathroom facilities for them to use,” Mrs. Duncan continues, “But there’s absolutely no reason for a girl to go in her pants rather than use it.” With that, the pretty Assistant Band Director turns and glares at Katie. “I could tell by the way she was walking that she had to go,” Mrs. Duncan reports further, “I was concerned about her because obviously she had already had 2 accidents in camp.” “I told her that she should go use the outhouse -- I begged her to go use the outhouse,” she tells us, again glaring at Katie as she speaks, “But Katie still refused to go.” “She first said that she didn’t have to go,” Mrs. Duncan explains, “And then she finally admitted that she did have to go but insisted she could hold it in until we got back to our main campground.” “But you had no intention of even going then, did you?” she asks the girl. Meekly, tears flowing anew, Katie answers simply, “No Ma’am.” “I offered to help you,” Mrs. Duncan tells her, “My daughter Teddy even offered to help you.” “Teddy offered to stand guard at the outhouse door, so you could have completely privacy in there,” Mrs. Duncan reminds her, “But you just wouldn’t go -- You just went in your pants yet another time.” Her daughter Teddy is a very pretty and friendly and immeasurably likeable senior blonde. It doesn‘t surprise me at all that Teddy would be eager to help another student with a problem. But Katie, unfortunately, doesn‘t seem to have taken advantage of that. “I just didn’t like the bathrooms there at the camp,” Katie mumbles through her tears, “It’s nothing personal -- I just don’t like to do that kind of thing except in my own bathroom at home.”

“Well, not liking the bathroom there is one thing,” I lecture her, “You don’t actually have to like a bathroom to use it.” “But sometimes you do have to use bathrooms that you don’t like,” I tell her firmly, “Sometimes you do have to use certain bathrooms or you wind up with messes in your pants instead.” “And when you wind up with messes in your panties you wind up before the TVPC,” I sternly explain to Katie, “And that that is someplace you definitely do not want to be.” “I must say that with 3 accidents already on your toilet record, your high school career is already off to an inauspicious start,” I point out, “And, as you will soon see, the punishment gets worse for each and every accident you have.” Katie nods like she understands all that. She obviously isn’t going to like it, but apparently she does understand it.

“For your sake, I really hope that this doesn’t continue into the school year,” I warn her, “I really hope that you’re going to be a lot better with the girls’ rooms here at school than you were with the girls’ room at camp.” “If not, you’re going to be saddled with a whole lot of detention and writing assignments.” I further warn her, “And eventually you’re going to be having to clean up those messy accidents right here in school.” That last point seems to have gotten her attention more than the rest. “I’m usually okay with going pee at places,” Katie then tells us, “It’s just that when I have to do the other thing that I try to hold it in until I get home.” She mumbles something that at least in school, she’ll be going home everyday instead of at camp where she was stuck with only those toilets for 5 days. But hearing that really worries me. “Trying to hold it in when you really have to go often leads to accidents,” I warn her, “Even if you only have to hold it in until you get home from school, that oftentimes too long to wait to use the toilet.” “It’s really best to just go at school when you need to,” I suggest, “Unless you learn to do that, I’m afraid it’s not going to be very pleasant at all for you.” “I’ll help you get used to going at school,” Mrs. Duncan, always helpful, tells her. “So will I,” Teddy echoes.

Moving on to Katie’s punishment, it gives me no pleasure to come to the realization that I really do need to be somewhat severe with this shy and scared freshman. Normally, even a 3rd panty-soiling accident wouldn’t warrant that serious a punishment, but I have to consider that she did 3 bowel movements in a row in her pants and never once did she do one in the toilet the whole time she was there.

For the first one (the one that was discovered while she was changing in her cabin), she is still entitled to be let off with only a warning. For the second one (the “doubleheader” that happened in the mess hall) she’ll have to served 3 hours detention and write, “I will not soil nor will I wet my pants in school or at band camp again” 250 times. And for her 3rd one (the one that happened while marching on the field that last day) she’ll have to write, “I will not soil my panties in school or at band camp again” 500 times. She’ll also have to serve 5 hours detention for that one and 3 of those will be toilet sitting detention. “Toilet sitting detention?” she asks. “Yes -- toilet sitting detention,” I explain, “Instead of reporting for regular detention, you’ll have to report to the girls’ room and sit the whole hour on the toilet.” Katie lets out an audible groan at hearing that. “Mrs. Duncan will be able to answer any questions you have about that,” I add.

Hopefully, these punishments will give her plenty to think about when it comes to how to handle her bowel movements in high school. And in that regard, I also assign her to write a 1,000 word essay detailing specifically what she plans to do about her bowel movements in school.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Moving on to our next case and speaking of Teddy, I’m surprised to see that we have a toilet violation case against her. Teddy is by no means a stranger to the TVPC -- she has a propensity to do particularly large bowel movements that occasionally clog our toilets -- but she’s otherwise a delightful young lady with great leadership skills. I can only imagine how some of the bigger bowel movements she’s done at school could reek havoc with the decidedly more delicate plumbing at the campground. But as I read the Violation Report against her -- and this is a case brought by another student -- I’m absolutely shocked to see that she is charged with having sexual relations in the bathroom. This charge is being brought by Ashley -- a fellow senior and similarly quite pretty blonde -- and as I consider this charge by Ashley, I do recall that these 2 girls have a history. Teddy, of course, quite vehemently denies the charge and alleges that Ashley is simply carrying out a vendetta against her.

Quickly cutting to the pertinent facts in the case, Ashley reports that Teddy and a petite sophomore named Avery had a sexual encounter in the outhouse down by the marching field. “That’s ridiculous!” Teddy yells at her, “That’s just all totally ridiculous.” That outburst forces me to reprimand her. “Let Ashley explain what she’s alleging,” I tell the likeable senior beauty, “You’ll get your chance to respond to the charges when she’s done.” I then motion for Ashley to continue. “It was after dinner the first night we were there,” Ashley continues, “And I saw Teddy and Avery leave the mess hall together and start walking down the path toward that field where we practiced.” “It obviously looked suspicious so I followed them,” she explains, “Then I saw the two of them go into the outhouse together.”

That description actually provides more questions than answers. “What makes you think they went in there to have sex?” I ask the blonde beauty, “You do know there are other things besides sex that people do in outhouses sometimes.” But Ashley counters that if they simply had to go to the bathroom, the regular campground girls’ room -- which was right there in the next cabin from the mess hall -- would be where they’d have gone. “Why would they walk like a half mile to go use an outhouse when they had regular bathroom facilities right there,” she argues, “The only reason to go to the outhouse was that it was someplace they could be alone together.” “They could never be alone together in the regular bathroom or even in the cabins or showers or anyplace else,” Ashley argues further, “That outhouse really was the only place they could go to have sex together.” It’s an interesting argument but I’m not really sure it proves they went there to have sex. And I’m also puzzled as to why Ashley has only charged Teddy with having sex in a bathroom and not Avery, but we’ll get to that later.

Looking over at Teddy, she is absolutely stewing as she listens to the accusation from Ashley. As I’ve noted, I can’t say that I’m convinced of Teddy’s guilt, but under the circumstances I think Teddy -- and Avery, as well -- have a lot of explaining to do. Turning now to Teddy, I get right to the point. “What exactly were you and Avery doing in the outhouse?” I ask the senior blonde-haired beauty. “What we were doing in the outhouse was going to the bathroom,” Teddy eagerly explains, “What we were doing is exactly what you’re supposed to do in an outhouse.” “We certainly were not having sex in there,” Teddy insists, “Believe me, there were far better places in that campground where you could get away and have sex if you wanted to.” “And I certainly don’t want to have sex with Avery anyway,” Teddy laughs, “I mean, she’s really nice and all but we‘re really just friend.” “Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” she quickly adds. “Like I said, we just went there to go to the bathroom and that’s it,” she explains further, “And if you really want ALL the details we both went there to go #2.” Avery, who is also here, eagerly nods her head in agreement with her friend. Avery, it should be noted, has had considerable problems in the past with soiled panties and other bathroom violations in school. The very petite blonde was on the academic honor roll all year but it was certainly a disastrous freshman year for her toilet-wise. But none of that is at issue here.

I next ask Ashley why she’s only brought charges against Teddy. “If you’re accusing Teddy of having sex in the bathroom with Avery isn’t Avery also guilty of having sex in the bathroom with Teddy?” I ask her. But Ashley oddly explains that she’s got no problems with Avery. “I mean, that DOG WITH A BLOG column Avery writes for the school newspaper is really annoying,” she explains, “But other than that I couldn’t care less what Avery does.” Ashley then explains that it’s only Teddy that she has a problem with. “Teddy turned me in for smoking in the girls’ room last year,” she tells us, “I had to go on toilet suspension for a week because of her.” “I went #2 in my pants twice that week because of her,” the pretty blonde senior points out, “Maybe now it’s her turn to see what a toilet suspension is like.” A toilet suspension is, of course, when a girl is denied use of any school bathroom for any reason. “You had to go on toilet suspension because you were smoking in the girls’ room,” Teddy fires right back, “You’ve got no one to blame for those loads in your pants but yourself.” “I’d rather you go in your pants on toilet suspension than having girls like Avery going in their pants because they can’t stand the smokers and the cigarette smell in the girls’ rooms,” she fires back at Ashley.

But more to the point at hand, Teddy argues that Ashley is only bringing this charge against her as a matter or revenge. But the thing is that while that may be true -- well, it’s obviously true -- Teddy still hasn’t explained what she and Avery were doing in the outhouse. I mean, she did explain that the 2 of them were both having bowel movements in there, but as Ashley pointed out before, it doesn’t make much sense that they would go down there to the outhouse rather than use the regular girls’ room right there in camp. And not withstanding the lack of charges brought against Avery, if Teddy is found “Guilty” obviously so will Avery. I point that out and then ask BOTH of them for a better explanation of what was going on that evening.

“Teddy was only helping me,” Avery then answers, “She didn’t do anything wrong -- she was only helping me in the bathroom.” “If it wasn’t for Teddy, I probably would have messed in my pants,” Avery explains further. “I was holding it in because I didn’t want to go in the girls’ room there and I was getting really desperate holding it in,” the petite blonde cutie explains further, “I think I really would have gone in my pants if not for Teddy.” “Teddy really didn’t do anything wrong -- she saved me from going in my pants a few times last week,” Avery adds, “I just couldn’t deal with regular girls’ room and going #2 with all the other girls in there.”

“I guess I should just start from the beginning,” Teddy then chimes in. She points out that both of them needed to go for bowel movements and for various reasons thought their bowel movements were best suited for the outhouse instead of the regular girls’ room. “As for me, I hadn’t gone for like 3 days,” Teddy tells us, “So when I did have to go after dinner that night, I was really worried that I was going to clog the toilet.” “I mean, I’ve clogged some power flush toilets here in school, so I was really worried what a 3 day load from me would do to those campground toilets,” she explains. She explains further that the outhouse was simply a bench with 2 holes. “It all just goes into the hole,” she explains further, “There’s really no way to clog that.” “I went in there instead of the girls’ room because I didn’t want to clog the toilet in the girls’ room,” Teddy says, “And judging by what I did in the outhouse that night, there was no way I wouldn’t have clogged any toilet anywhere.”

As to Avery, Teddy tells us that she knows that Avery has had some bathroom issues in the past. “She’s really a sweet girl but she’s really shy about bathroom stuff -- especially when it comes to #2,” the senior blonde beauty explains, “I didn’t take her with me to have sex with her -- I just wanted to give her a more private place so she could have a bowel movement.” She explains that she saw Avery in the mess hall at dinner and Avery definitely looked distressed. “I figured she probably had to go to the bathroom -- The way she was sitting definitely looked like she was trying to hold it in,” Teddy explains further, “I was thinking that she probably didn’t want to use the regular girls’ room because it was so big and there were always other girls in there.” “I thought maybe she might want to try using the outhouse instead,” Teddy continues, “I thought that maybe with more privacy in there so could manage better than the regular girls’ room.” I see Avery nodding in agreement with all that. “I know the outhouse smells and all but it’s not like you’re going to be in there with 10 other girls,” she says, “Avery just needed a little more privacy to have her bowel movement.” “I offered to wait outside for her and guard the door to make sure she could be alone in there,” Teddy adds, “But she said she’d be more comfortable if I stayed in there with her so that’s what I did.” “We actually did our thing together,” she says.

“So you two shared an outhouse with just a bench and 2 holes with absolutely no stall partitions at all,” Ashley asks sarcastically, “And you went to the bathroom #2 together?” “You went right in front of her and you call that privacy?” she asks Avery -- again, sarcasm evident. But Avery explains that the 2 of them are friends so it was alright. “Teddy helped me relax in there so I could do what I needed to do,” Avery explains, “She really did save me from going in my pants.” “I just really like my privacy when I have to do that sort of thing -- I just can’t go when there are other girls around,” the petite sophomore explains further, “But Teddy is a friend of mine so I guess it’s different with her.” “Avery and my younger brother used to go out,” Teddy adds, “I’ve know her a long time so I guess that helps.” Personally, I also think it helps that Teddy is such a genuinely nice and helpful person.

As far as I’m concerned, that explains everything. Rather than be punished, Teddy deserves to be commended for what she did and I tell her say so. But that, of course, doesn’t sit well with Ashley. “Does Teddy wipe you, too,” she asks Avery, even more sarcastic than before.” With that, I angrily bang my gave in her direction. “That’s ENOUGH!” I angrily tell her. Teddy just shakes her head, disgusted at the notion of that.

With that -- obviously being that there’s no evidence of any sexual activity in the bathroom -- I ask Ashley if she’s willing to withdraw her charges. “You can withdraw it or I can enter a “Not Guilty” verdict,” I explain, “That’s entirely up to you.” Instead, Ashley suggests that there was still something improper about the 2 of them being in the bathroom together. “OK -- I guess they weren’t having sex or anything like that,” Ashley says, “But isn’t there a rule against girls being in the bathroom together like that?” “I mean, obviously we can go TO the bathroom together,” she clarifies, “But I don’t think that we’re actually supposed to be using the toilet together.” “Aren’t we supposed to take care of our actual bathroom matters by ourselves,” she argues, “I mean, how do you really know that Teddy wasn’t helping Avery wipe or something like that.”

Hearing that, Teddy just about loses it. “Just stop already with the nonsense,” Teddy angrily tells Ashley, “Avery is fine in the bathroom -- she handles herself just fine.” “Obviously, she doesn’t need someone to wipe her -- Obviously, she wipes herself just fine,” Teddy goes on, “Just because I kept her company in there, doesn’t mean she didn’t take care of things herself.” Avery also steps up to defend herself and Teddy. “Teddy just went in there with me,” Avery explains, “But it’s not like she had to actually help me go to the bathroom.” “You know I’m not comfortable going #2 in public bathrooms sometimes,” she explains further, “And Teddy just kept me company so I could relax and do it.” “Teddy saved me from having an accident,” she adds, “I just don’t know what I would have done without her.” “But once AGAIN, Avery did what she had to do herself,” Teddy reiterates, “Just because we kept each other company in there doesn’t mean I had to help her with any of that.”

But Ashley continues to argue that it’s a toilet violation for them to be doing that. “We’re not supposed to be keeping each other company on the toilet,” she argues. Considering that argument, I have to note that there is a TVPC rule against 2 girls being in a bathroom stall together. But I have to conclude that it doesn’t really apply to this situation. “As I understand it, this was a 2-holer outhouse,” I point out, “It’s actually designed for 2 girls to be in there at the same time.” “As long as each girl was handling her own bathroom business by herself, everything is fine,” I tell Ashley and note for the record, “There’s certainly no rule against 2 girls going to the bathroom together on 2 adjacent places in a bathroom designed for girls to go to the bathroom together on 2 adjacent places.”

Accordingly, Teddy -- and likewise, Avery -- are found “Not Guilty” on all counts.

Next up on our Special Session today are 2 cases of bedwetting. “I’m not sure why we even have to bring these cases at all,” Mrs. Sylvester, our new Band Director, says, “Some girls still wet the bed even at this age and it’s really not their fault.” “I’m all in favor of punishing girls who have accidents from not going to the toilet when they should,” Mrs. Sylvester tells us, “I actually think some of your punishments for that could be more severe -- I think it’s ridiculous that girls only get a warning the first time they mess in their pants.” But bedwetting is something else entirely,” she argues, “You really can’t blame a girl for something that happens in her sleep.” “I talked to Mrs. Duncan about this and she said that we have to charge all bedwettings the same as any other pants-wetting violation,” Mrs. Sylvester continues, “But she also said that girls usually don‘t actually get punished for it.” “I guess I’m not really up to speed on all the TVPC rules just yet,” our new Band Director adds. “That’s OK,” I tell her with a smile, “We’ll get you up to speed pretty fast.” “At first glance these don’t appear to be cases where the girls will be punished for their bedwetting,” I explain, “But we’ll have to get into the details of each case before we know that for sure.” Mrs. Sylvester looks happy -- as well as curious -- to hear that.

Taking the cases one at a time, the first one involves Millie, a quiet junior with reddish brown hair. “This isn’t really a matter of actual BEDwetting at all,” Mrs. Sylvester reports, “She was wearing some sort of diaper or training pants or something and that kept the bed dry.” “But that diaper or whatever sure got soaked from her wetting in her sleep,” she adds. “But what I’m told is that we still have to write it up as a bedwetting,” Mrs. Sylvester explains further, “Mrs. Duncan explained to me that anytime a girl wets in her sleep it gets written up as a bedwetting.” “That’s so the TVPC can consider it a bedwetting and the girl usually won’t get punished for it,” Mrs. Duncan herself then chimes in, “If we just wrote it up as a ‘Panty-Wetting’ then it’s just a regular accident violation and the girl would have to get punished for it.” “That’s absolutely correct,” I add. “The TVPC recognizes that bedwetting is something that girls usually can’t control,” I note, “And we don’t want to punish girls for that unless they contributed to the wetting in some way.” “A nighttime wetting in your sleep is really the same thing even if the bed didn’t actually get wet,” I point out, “That’s not something we want to punish girls for, either, unless they did something wrong in regards to the wetting.” Mrs. Sylvester nods indicating that that makes sense.

Getting back to the case at hand, I ask Millie about the circumstances of her bedwetting -- or “sleep wetting” if you prefer. “According to Ms. Sylvester’s Violation Report you wore some sort of wetting protection to bed,” I ask the shy but quite bright (she’s a mathlete) junior, “She said it was some sort of diaper or something that protected the bed.” “I guess they’re kind of like training pants but it really wasn’t anything like a diaper,” Millie explains, “It was just something to protect the bed in case I had another accident in bed.” “It was really more like regular underwear just with all that absorbent material inside,” the shy honor student continues, “You can wear them as regular underwear if you want but they’re just a lot heavier because of all that absorbent material inside.”

“Well, obviously those underwear worked very well,” I tell her, “Apparently, your bed didn’t get wet at all -- not one drop.” “From what I understand you wet yourself pretty badly but those absorbent underwear or whatever you want to call them held it all,” I point out. “Yes sir -- it did protect the bed,” Millie tells me, “I guess I really should be thankful for that. “But I still wet in my sleep,” the sweet girl says dejectedly, “I still wet in my sleep and as you said, it was pretty bad.” “I had been doing so much better with my bedwetting issues -- I hadn’t wet the bed at home in like 2 months,” Millie says, “And now I do this on a school trip -- I wet my pants really bad.” “I just don’t know what it is, sir,” she says, obviously frustrated, “I rarely wet the bed at home anymore but it always seems to happen on school trips.” Millie wet the bed on 2 different school trips last year and on 1 of those trips she did it twice. This, obviously, is very frustrating for the sweet and shy junior beauty. “Well, keep trying, Millie,” is all that I can tell her, “It really isn’t your fault as lots of girls your age still wet the bed sometimes.” She thanks me for the encouragement but I can see that it does little to ease her embarrassment and frustration.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Before finally deciding this case, I need to ask her a few questions. I ask her if she consumed any alcoholic beverages before going to bed (she didn’t); I ask her if she went to the bathroom and urinated immediately before going to bed (she did); and I ask her if she tried to hide or cover up her bedwetting in any way after it happened (she didn’t). Accordingly, she is judged not have been negligent in contributing to her bedwetting in any way. It’s also important that she wore those protective underwear (or whatever you want to call them) to bed that night. Had she not and still wet the bed, she would have indeed been punished since she had wet the bed on school trips last year.

When a girl first bedwets on a school trip she isn’t punished as long as she meets the 3 conditions described above. But when she does, she gets placed on “Bedwetting Probation.” “Bedwetting Probation” means that a girl is on notice that she has bedwetting issues and is advised that it is recommended that she wear some sort of bedwetting protection to bed. She is not actually required to do so, but she is on notice that if she doesn’t wear and protection and wets the bed again, she will indeed be punished for a “Pants-Wetting” violation. If she does wear the bedwetting protection she can avoid being punished (assuming she meets those 3 conditions) for the violation. “Bedwetting Probation” extends for 1 year from when a girl last wet her bed on a school trip. Millie was, of course, on bedwetting protection from wetting her band several times last year.

“Since you did wear bedwetting protection and you were not negligent in your bedwetting, the TVPC notes your wetting as ‘Excused’ in this case,” I tell Millie and note for the record, “But, of course, your Bedwetting Probation now extends for one year from today.” Millie, though obviously quite frustrated, just seems to take it in stride.

Moving on to our next bedwetting case, we have one in which the bed not only did get wet but outright soaked. And while our first case really wasn’t much of a surprise -- given Millie’s previous issues with wetting her bed on school trips -- this one is a complete surprise. Before us now is Hanna, a gorgeous, well-endowed blonde-haired junior and one that has never wet the bed -- or even her pants for that matter -- on a school trip before. Hanna, in fact, has never even had a single accident violation in her entire high school career up until this particular incident. Accordingly, we’re all surprised to learn that she wet her bed like this. But no one it seems is more surprised by what happened than Hanna herself. Apparently, she’s never had any bedwetting issues -- not even when she was younger.

“I just don’t know what happened, sir,” Hanna says, “I just don’t know how I could have wet the bed.” “I’ve never wet the bed before -- not even when I was little,” the pretty, blonde junior continues, “I just don’t understand how I could have wet the bed now.” But while Hanna is obviously quite embarrassed, her friends all seem to think this is quite amusing. Spencer, Aria, and Emily -- all fellow juniors and all fellow members of the band -- are here in the spectators’ section to watch Hanna’s case. And they’re all laughing hysterically at their friend’s expense. It’s so much that I’m forced to bang my gavel and admonish them. “Bedwetting is certainly nothing to laugh at,” I lecture them, “Your friend had an accident and I really don’t think it’s a fitting subject for your merriment.” “Can any of you girls claim you never had an accident in school or on a school trip before?” I ask them. It’s a rhetorical question, of course, because we already know that each of them has indeed had at least one accident violation before. None of them see fit to answer my question, but obviously they get my point.

Getting back to Hanna, the pretty well-endowed blonde is still puzzled as to how this could have happened. “I just don’t know what it was, sir -- I just don’t know what happened,” she reiterates. “I just don’t know what I did differently that night that I hadn’t done before,” she explains, “Only this time I woke up in a wet bed and that NEVER happened before.” “I mean, I went to the bathroom right before I went to bed -- I peed a lot like I always do,” Hanna explains further, “Only this time, as I said, I woke up in a wet band.” “You woke up in a REALLY wet bed,” Spencer chimes in laughing, “I mean you wet the bed like an all-time record for most pee in a bedwetting.” Aria and Emily soon follow suit in laughter.” Once again, I am far from amused. “I trust that you all know that making fun of a girl for having an accident is a punishable offense,” I warn them. “We’re sorry, sir,” Spencer tells me. The other 2 nod their head in agreement with that.

Again getting back to Hanna, the usually poised and confident junior beauty is obviously quite upset with herself for wetting the bed. And obviously her friends’ attitudes are not helping. “All I can say Hanna is that sometimes, it happens,” I tell her, “It’s really hard to explain why it happens sometimes, but it sometimes just does even to girls your age.” “But it doesn’t happen to ME -- at least it never did before,” she tells me, fighting back tears, “I’m always so careful about stuff like this -- I’m always so careful about going to the bathroom when I need to.” “I don’t have accidents like some girls do -- I just don’t,” Hanna continues, “At least I didn’t until now.” “But now I not only wet my pants really bad but I wet the bed, too,” she adds, as the tears begin to fall. Hanna does have a few toilet violations through her first 2 years of high school, but none of those were accident violations.

That is a point apparently not lost on her friends. “Well, now you’ve got an accident violation,” Aria says with a laugh, “And it was a really, really big one.” Spencer and Emily join in, laughing hysterically at the comment. That attitude -- the attitude of all three of them -- annoys me quite a bit. “Can’t you see how upset Hanna is about this,” I admonish them, “She feels bad enough already -- what kind of friends are you to make her feel even worse about it.” “And if you don’t stop it, you three are going to friends with repetitive writing assignments to do,” I wan them. “We’re sorry, sir,” Emily then tells me, obviously heading the warning. “We really didn’t mean anything by it,” Aria adds. “It’s just that Hanna is always talking about how she never has accidents, sir,” Aria explains, “She’s always bragging about how it’s happened to all of us in school at least once but she’s never done it.” “Yeah -- she’s teased us plenty for accidents that we’ve had,” Spencer chimes in, “I mean, it’s not like any of us have done it a lot but it’s like she thinks she’s special because she’s never done it -- at least not in high school.”

“Well, it’s not really hard not have accidents,” Hanna the snaps back at her, “You just go do it in the toilet when you need to.” “You don’t just sit there holding in when you have to go,” Hanna, in a suddenly angry tone lashes back at them, “How stupid can you be to just wait too long and end up with an accident in your pants.” “And it’s not even that Spencer only wet herself,” Hanna notes, “She even did it the other way in her pants once as well.” “I mean, how disgusting is that!” Hanna says, directing the comment toward Spencer, “How can a girl your age just mess in her pants like that.” “I think I would just die if I ever did THAT in my pants,” she tells Spencer. Obviously, Spencer doesn’t appreciate Hanna bringing up that particular embarrassing episode (it happened to Spencer in detention) from last year.

“Well, at least I don’t wet the bed,” Spencer fires right back, “At least I didn’t completely soak the bed like you did.” “You’re always talking about how you don’t have to stop and pee all the time like the rest of us do -- You’re always bragging about what a powerful bladder you have,” Spencer continues, “Well, I guess that explains how you ended up totally soaking your bed about the worst I’ve ever seen.” Aria and Emily both laugh at the notion of that. “And how about you never having had an accident in high school,” Spencer taunts her, “Well, now you’ve had one -- a really, REALLY wet one.” As I angrily bang my gavel to end Spencer’s rant, Hanna once again breaks down in tears.

But with that, I suddenly see 2 hands raised in the spectators’ section. There are from Jules and Ophelia -- 2 sophomores in the band. Apparently, they have something to add to this case. “I’m sorry, I just can’t let this go on anymore,” Jules, a pretty and athletic blonde, tells me, “This just isn’t right.” Her comments are, of course, quite confusing but Ophelia echoes the same sentiment. “It’s not Hanna’s fault, sir -- It’s not Hanna’s fault at all,” Ophelia, a quiet blonde who is also quite pretty, tells me. “Well, I don’t really think of it as Hanna’s fault,” I tell Ophelia, “I really don’t consider bedwetting to be a girl’s fault unless she’s negligent about using the toilet before bed or something.” “I mean, we don’t usually punish a girl for bedwetting,” I note, “I mean, Hanna will have to go on bedwetting probation for a year but other than that, she’s not going to be punished at all.” But that’s apparently not what Ophelia is talking about. “No sir -- I mean it REALLY isn’t Hanna’s fault,” Ophelia argues, “I mean, it really, REALLY wasn’t her fault.”

Jules then chimes in to explain that Hanna had “help” in wetting her bed. She goes on to explain that while Hanna was sleeping her friends stuck her had in a bucket of warm water. “It really wasn’t Hanna’s fault at all,” Jules say, “It was Spencer, Aria, and Emily that did it to her.” “I guess they thought that everyone else was asleep,” the pretty blonde explains, “But Ophelia and I were both awake and saw the whole thing.” Ophelia nods her head in agreement with what her friend Jules reported. “Emily and Aria went and got the warm water and held the bucket,” Ophelia tells us, “And then Spencer took Hanna’s arm and dipped her wrist into the water.” “And then they held it there and watched Hanna wet the bed,” Jules tells us, “And Hanna really, really wet her bed.”

Turning, of course, to the 3 of them, I ask if this is all true. But when they’re reluctant to answer, Jules chimes in instead. “Of course, they did it,” she says, “Ophelia and I saw them do it.” “They can deny it all they want,” she says, “But they’re nothing but a bunch of PRETTY LITTLE LIARS if they do.” “They try to act so SWEET but VICIOUS is more like it,” Ophelia adds.

Getting more to the matter at hand, the three of them obviously know they’re caught and now admit what they did. They’re obviously smart enough to realize that the last thing they need is to make it worse by lying about it. I direct the TVPC to draw up Violation Reports on each of them for “Inducing Another Girl to Have an Accident” and asking them individually, Spencer, and then Aria and finally Emily all plead “Guilty” to the charge. “We didn’t mean any harm, sir -- It was just a joke,” Spencer says, “We really didn’t mean any harm by doing it.” But I, or course, am not amused and neither is the rest of the TVPC. Hanna, not surprisingly, is the least amused of all. “We really didn’t mean any harm by it, sir,” Emily reiterates, “You said it yourself, sir, that bedwetting happens sometimes and it’s really not a big deal.” “I mean, Hanna wasn’t even going to get punished for it,” she adds.

But I am, of course, stunned that Emily would equate the two situations. “Really Emily?” I ask her incredulously, “Do you really not see the difference between Hanna ACCIDENTLY wetting her bed and what you 3 girls did?” Emily, of course, fully understands the difference. “What you girls did was entirely intentional,” I point out just for good measure, “The TVPC obviously looks more unfavorably upon intentional acts than a girl merely having an accident.” “And that, of course, will definitely be reflected in the severity of your punishment,” I add. But actually determining the punishment for them is no easy task. In all my years as TVPC chairman I can’t recall ever having a case like this before. One thing for certain, though, is that Mrs. Adler, a TVPC member, is hopping mad about this.

“These 3 need to get a taste of what they put Hanna through,” Mrs. Adler argues, “If they think it’s amusing for Hanna to wet her pants and her bed, then they’ll obviously think it amusing for themselves to do that as well.” “It’s too bad we didn’t get to the bottom of this while the girls were still on the band trip,” the feisty committewoman continues, “Maybe we could have made each of then drink a half gallon of water and then sent them to bed for 12 hours without access to the bathroom.” “It’s too bad we couldn’t have actually made them wet the bed just like they made Hanna do,” she turns and angrily lectures the 3 of them, “Maybe then you wouldn’t think bedwetting was so amusing -- I don’t think you’d find it amusing if it happened to you.” “Obviously we can’t make it exactly like what they did to Hanna,” Mrs. Adler then acknowledges, “But I really think, Mr. Chairman, that the 3 of them need a punishment along those lines.”

“Are you proposing that we put them on toilet suspension?” I ask the new and obviously very enthusiastic committeewoman, “I think a toilet suspension is really the only way to make these girls experience anything close to what they put Hanna through.” That would surely get their attention -- just talking about a toilet suspension has already gotten their attention -- but I’m just not sure it’s quite warranted in this case.

Thinking about it some more, Mrs. Adler reconsider suggestion, but not entirely. “Maybe making them do ALL their bodily functions in their pants is a bit much,” she acknowledges, “I mean, they didn’t make Hanna do a bowel movement in her sleep, they only made her wet.” She then proposes a sort of modified toilet suspension for these girls. “We could put them on toilet suspension only when it comes to urinating,” the lovely Mrs. Adler suggests. “We could allow them some sort of dispensation allowing them to have bowel movements at school if they need to,” she explains, “But when it comes to urinating, they’d either have to hold it in or go in their pants.” “I suggest 2 weeks -- 10 school days -- where they’d have to go all day without using the girls’ room and wetting their pants if they needed to,” she explains further, “But if they needed to do a bowel movement they could have the day off from their punishment to go do that in the girls’ room.” “And, of course, any day that they did go do a bowel movement in the girls’ room wouldn’t count as one of their 10 days on toilet suspension,” she clarifies.

Hers is certainly an interesting proposal. Spencer, Aria, and Emily all look suitably horrified even though the proposed toilet suspension wouldn’t including having to do their bowel movements in their pants. But a toilet suspension -- even one that only includes girls having to urinate in their pants -- is a quite a severe punishment. And after careful consideration, I have to conclude that it’s not quite warranted in this case. In a close 3-2 vote (with Mrs. Adler and Mrs. Crabtree dissenting), the TVPC decides against imposing Mrs. Adler’s idea of a modified toilet suspension. But that’s certainly not to say that Spencer, Aria, and Emily will be getting off easy for this.

“You can consider yourselves lucky, young ladies,” I tell them, “Even though I doubt you’re going to feel lucky after I get done with you.” First, I impose a 1,000 word letter of apology that each girl will have to write to Hanna. “And I better not see the same essay from each girl,” I warn them, “Each of you had better write your own apology.” And you’ll each write, ‘I will not induce others to wet their bed or otherwise have an accident in school or at band comp again’ 500 times,” I tell them. I hear an audible groan as I assign that. “500 times, sir?” Aria asks, “And that’s a really long sentence, too.” “Yes it is,” I tell her enthusiastically, “And let’s hope that while you’re writing it, you do a lot of thinking about what you did to get it.” Next, I assign each of them to 3 hours of bathroom cleaning detention. Aria questions that as well. “As I understand it, you caused Hanna’s urine to go all over the bed and some of it even dripped onto the floor,” I explain, “I think that qualifies as a good reason to be cleaning some bathrooms.” “Hopefully, you’ll get to clean up some urine spills when you do,” I add. And finally, I stipulate that the 3 of them serve additional detention by having to attend every TVPC session this school year in which a bedwetting case will be heard. “Any time we have a bedwetting case before the TVPC, you girls will be notified,” I explain, “And you’ll be required to sit in detention for the entirety of that meeting. “You know, since you all think bedwetting is so entertaining and all,” I tell them sarcastically, “Lets see if you still think it’s so entertaining after hearing some bedwetting cases.”

Hanna is, under the circumstances, found “Not Guilty” of the bedwetting.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

The next matter on today’s TVPC agenda is a bit of committee business. Band, Athletics, and Cheerleading aren’t the only things going on during the summer at our high school. There is also Summer School for students who fail classes during the regular school year. And sometimes in Summer School we get students from other high school taking summer school courses here. Sometimes they really need the academic credit and their own school may not offer that particular course in their own summer school. And whether they are students of ours or students from a different high school, when they are in our summer school, they are subject to all TVPC regulations.

Summer school took place earlier in the summer and most TVPC matters related to it have long since been resolved. But one matter still remains outstanding and that’s what we hope to resolve this morning.

Before us now is Tori -- a very pretty and talented senior brunette. That is, she’s going to be a senior at nearby Hollywood Arts High School. She failed Math class at her school last year (I think she was distracted by her budding singing career) and had to take it with us in summer school in order to get the credit she needs to move on to her senior year. Looking over her toilet record, I can see that she’s really had a rough time of it at our school this summer. She rather easily passed the course -- she’s pretty intelligent but is just unfocussed sometimes and our Miss Spellman is a great Math teacher -- but apparently our bathroom facilities didn’t quite measure up to what she’s used to over at her own high school. It looks as if she has a large stack of notebook paper with her and that’s to be expected considering the reason for her TVPC visit today.

“How are you doing this morning, Tori?” I ask her. “Fine, sir,” she answers, half-heartedly at best, “I just want to get this over with.” “Well, it would have been over with a while ago if you had done your punishments when you were supposed to,” I tell her, “Did you really not believe us when we said your original punishments would be doubled if you refused to do them?” “Apparently, you thought you could be VICTORIOUS over the TVPC in not doing your punishments,” I continue, “But obviously you’ve now learned otherwise, haven‘t you?” “And, of course, you wouldn’t have had to be punished at all, if you’d have just used the toilet like you were supposed to in summer school,” I add.

But Tori apparently has other ideas. “Your toilets are disgusting,” she complains, a familiar refrain from her this summer, “I don’t know how you expect girls to use bathrooms like those -- especially when it’s #2.” “How can you even think of punishing girls for having accidents when you’ve got bathrooms as bad as you have,” Tori rants on, “And then you give me my worst punishment yet when I actually do go use the toilet.” “Well, our girls use those bathrooms all the time,” I tell the very pretty brunette, “I mean, they do have accidents sometimes but mostly they do use them -- even for #2.” “They may not be what you’re used to over at Hollywood Arts,” I point out, trying not to lose my temper with her, “But there’s no reason why anyone would have to go in their pants rather than use them.” Tori looks like she wants to answer back but then thinks better of it. She’s already been given a punishment writing from Miss Spellman for her attitude in class and obviously the last thing she wants is another such assignment now. “Yes sir -- can I just hand in my punishment assignments now and be on my way?” she asks.

That, of course, is the point of Tori’s TVPC appearance today. “Do you have your completed punishment assignments?” I ask Tori, “And by that I mean ALL of your completed punishment assignments.” “Yes sir -- I do,” she says, pointing to a folder on the table beside her -- a rather thick folder that I assume contains those assignments. It’s an outright huge pile of paper but Tori did manage to get herself a huge pile of writing assignments. “It’s like I did nothing but write those stupid sentences for the past 3 weeks,” the pretty brunette explains, “I think just about every free moment I had I spent writing.” “My hand still hurts from writing so much,” she complains further, “I had to soak my hand in warm water every night to relieve the writers’ cramp so I could keep writing.” “Well, whose fault was that?” I ask her - obviously, a rhetorical question. “If you’d have only written your punishments when you first got them you’d have only had half as much writing to do,” I explain, “But you decided not to the do them and got all 3 of them doubled.” “Fortunately, you did do the first 2 punishment assignments you got -- the assignments for the 2 doubleheader panty-soilings you did,” I remind her, “And I understand Miss Spellman also made you write, ‘I will not disrupt Geometry class again’ 500 times and you got that done on time as well.” That last one, of course, was not a toilet-related matter and consequently not assigned by the TVPC. But Tori’s punishments, unfortunately, did not end there.

“But then you picked up a few more -- some bigger ones -- during the last week of summer school,” I continue, “And for some reason you decided that you didn’t have to do those.” Tori just stands there stone-faced. She knows what I’m saying is true but she doesn’t want to acknowledge that. “You just assumed that since summer school would be over before the punishments were due that you didn’t have to write them,” I speculate, “You just assumed that if you didn’t do them and since you weren’t one of our students, there was nothing we could do about it.” “But you soon found out that you really did have to do the writing, didn’t you?” I ask her, “You found out that if you didn’t write your punishments that we’d withhold your grade and you wouldn’t get credit at your own school for the course you took here.” I pause for a moment to let her answer but once again no answer is forthcoming from the very pretty but surely sorely writers’ cramped senior. “And then you found out that since you didn’t do those punishment assignments by their due date, the assignments were doubled,” I continue, “You found out that since you hadn’t done ANY of the writing on time, you now had twice as much writing to do.” This time she nods her head, seemingly to admit that that’s exactly what happened.

Taking the assignments one at a time, I first ask her to hand in 1,000 times of “I will not soil my panties in school again.” Reaching into her folder she then takes out a paper-clipped section of paper and, as directed, hands them to our TVPC clerk. That was her punishment, of course, for “Panty-Soiling” -- her 3rd of the summer school. The original punishment was writing it 500 times but when she didn’t do it she got that doubled to 1,000 times. “That wasn’t even fair that I got the 500 times,” Tori complains. “That didn’t even happen during school,” she argues, “I held that in all through class and that didn’t happen until class was over.” “It happened on school grounds right after class,” quickly chimes in Miss Spellman, her teacher for the class, “You weren’t even out of the building yet when it happened.” “As long as you messed in your panties on school grounds that makes you guilty of a ‘Panty-Soiling’ violation,” I point out to her, “And you did mess yourself on school grounds, didn’t you?” Tori is left with no argument. Well, no argument to that point at least. “And then, of course, the next day I actually go in the toilet like I’m supposed to,” Tori snaps back, “And then you punish me for that, too.” “You went in the faculty bathroom, Tori,” Miss Spellman admonishes her, “You went in there in spite of my telling you not to and in spite of the ‘No Students Allowed’ sign on the door.”

And that, of course, leads us to Tori’s next punishment assignment. This time I ask her to hand in 2,000 times of “I will not use a faculty/staff bathroom in school again.” That was, of course, initially a 1,000 times punishment that became a 2,000 times punishment when she initially didn’t do it. As directed, she hands that -- an extraordinarily thick packet of paper -- to the TVPC clerk. I note that Tori is shaking her head as she does. “This was completely ridiculous,” she says as she continues shaking her head, “This was the most ridiculous punishment of them all.” “It’s one thing to punish me for pooping in my pants -- OK, that’s really disgusting, I admit,” Tori rants, “But how can you give someone an even worse punishment when they actually do go in the toilet.” “Especially when it’s the only decent bathroom you have, how can you punish a girl for using it,” she rants on. “Yeah - yeah -- I know it’s a faculty bathroom and only teachers like Miss Spellman get to use it,” Tori continues mockingly, even raising her voice a bit, “I guess only Miss Spellman deserves a decent place to take a shit!”

Immediately -- AND ANGRILY -- I bang my gavel in Tori’s direction. “That’s MORE THAN ENOUGH from you!” I angrily admonish her. But Miss Spellman quickly steps in before I can admonish her further. “I don’t know what your problem is, young lady,” she, in an uncharacteristically angry tone, admonishes Tori, “But there is nothing wrong with the girls’ rooms here at all.” “I admit that they’re not perfect -- they’re school bathrooms for pete’s sake,” she yells at Tori, “But when you need to go there’s absolutely no reason why you can’t use them.” “Well, that’s easy for you to say,” Tori snaps back. “It’s easy to say that the girls’ rooms aren’t so bad when you have a faculty bathroom to use instead,” she argues, “It’s easy to say that the girls’ rooms are fine when you don’t actually have to use them.” “And that’s not to say that even the faulty bathroom here is nice,” Tori rants on, “Even there I wouldn’t sit on the seat without putting down a whole lot of toilet paper,”

But Miss Spellman is quick to remind Tori that the faculty bathroom was closed for renovations a good bit of the summer. “I had to use the girls’ room for 3 weeks,” the pretty blonde-haired Math teacher points out, “I used the girls’ room many times this summer and it wasn’t always just to urinate, either.” “As I said before, the girls’ room isn’t perfect,” she reiterates, “But it’s certainly better than going in my pants!” “But I guess you wouldn’t know that because you wouldn’t use the girls’ room yourself,” Miss Spellman fires back, “You decided that you’d rather go in your pants instead.” “Well, obviously you used the faculty bathroom that day,” Tori chimes in again, “Obviously, that day you used it after I did.” “Yeah -- I found that pile of toilet paper you left on the seat,” Miss Spellman answers, “The least you could have done was throw it in the toilet when you were done.” “But then again, maybe not,” she tells Tori, “I actually used 2 toilet flushes to get that down because I was worried that flushing it all at once would clog the toilet.”

And that leads us to the 3rd punishment assignment that Tori owes us today. I next ask her to hand in 500 times of “I will not waste toilet paper in the bathroom in school again.” This is, of course, her punishment for excessively lining the toilet seat with it. Her original punishment was 250 times and once again, she got that doubled when she didn’t turn it in by it’s first due date. As directed, she hands another packet of paper to the TVPC clerk. And, once again, Tori looks angry and frustrated by the whole thing.

What kind of place is this?” the pretty brunette asks, shaking her head in frustration, “What kind of place punishes you just for putting toilet paper down on the toilet seat.” “Even at my own school, I put toilet paper down on the seat,” she goes on, “And the bathrooms there are a hell of a lot nicer than the bathrooms here.” Miss Spellman -- who is, of curse, the teacher charging her with the original offense in this case -- seems almost as frustrated as Tori does. “I explained this all to you when I first charged you with this,” she tells Tori, her own frustration evident. “If you’d only put down a strip or two no one would have said anything, Tori,” she tells the girl, “But when you waste half a roll just lining the seat and then just leave it there, you can bet that you’re going to be punished.” Actually TVPC rules do prohibit using any toilet paper to line the seat (toilet paper is only to be used for girls wiping themselves) but, as Miss Spellman said, most teachers will just let it go if a girl uses only a single layer on the seat and then flushes it away when she’s done. But that, I suppose, is an issue for another time.

Turning now to our TVPC clerk, he notes that all 3 of Tori’s writing punishments appear to be complete and in good order. Even writing on both sides of the paper as Tori did (girls have a choice in that regard), the 3 assignments fill 120 sheets of paper. “That’s quite a pile of work -- 3,500 sentences in total,” I tell Tori, “I hope you learned your lesson.” “Well, I’m never taking a course at your school again, that’s for sure,” she says, “That’s the lesson I’ve learned.” “Are we done yet?” she then asks, “Are you going to release my grade so I can get credit for the course?”

But unfortunately, I have some bad news for Tori. “Not exactly,” I tell her. I then direct the TVPC clerk to draw up another Violation Report on Tori -- this time charging her with “Use of Profanity to Refer to Bodily Functions.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see Miss Spellman flashing a broad smile. She’s obviously quite happy that I haven’t forgotten Tori’s little outburst before. Tori, of course, just looks at me puzzled. “Well Tori, I don’t know how it is at your school, but around here girls do not shit,” I lecture her, “Around here, girls have bowel movements or, at worst, they poop or make.” I pause for a moment to let Tori respond, but she wisely holds her tongue. Finding her “Guilty” of “Using Profanity to Refer to Bodily Functions,” I then sentence her write the phrase “Bowel Movement” 1,000 times. Looking over at her, I can see her seething with anger at yet another punishment writing to do. But no doubt not wanting still another one on top of that, she keeps her tongue in check.

“That’s due in 1 week, sir?” she asks me. “Yes it is -- it’s due one week from today,” I explain, “You can hand it in at the TVPC office anytime up until then.” She nods her head that she understands. This time, I’m pretty sure that Tori is going to get it done on time.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

The last item on the agenda for this Special Session is another bit of committee business. Faithful readers of the TVPC should have no trouble recognizing Miss Musso, a gym teacher and our cheerleading coach. She’s been before the TVPC many times not only in her capacity as cheerleading coach but for matters related to her own toilet habits. Unlike other teachers and coaches who are not actually subject to TVPC regulations -- our regulations usually only apply to female students and not faculty -- Coach Musso had to agree, in order to remain as Cheerleading Coach, to be subject to TVPC regulations like a student is. That was, of course, because of several accidents that the sexy, perennially spandex-clad Miss Musso had had at games while serving as Cheerleading Coach. Obviously, the TVPC could not tolerate one of our coaches having soiling accidents at games and doing so with immunity while at the same time her cheerleaders were punished -- sometimes rather severely -- for the same. Furthermore, as another condition of staying on as Cheerleading Coach, Miss Musso had to agree to only use student bathroom facilities both in school as a teacher and at school events while performing her duties as Cheerleading Coach. And it’s that latter condition that has her before the TVPC today.

“Good morning, Grace,” I greet her, which -- in spite of her sometimes having toileting issues that the TVPC has to deal with -- is always a pleasure, “How are you this morning?” “Good, Mr. Chairman, she answers with a smile -- clad, as usual, in her trademark tight, red spandex. “What brings you before the TVPC today?” I ask her. “Well, Mr. Chairman, I have a petition before the TVPC,” she then explains, “I trust that the members have all received a copy of that petition.” I advise her that they have. “Well, Mr. Chairman, as we approach a new school year and a new cheerleading season, there’s a matter that I’d like to discuss with you,” she begins, “It concerns those special conditions that I had to agree to in order to continue as Cheerleading Coach.” She notes that these have been in place for several years now and she contends that she has done a good job complying with them. I acknowledge that she has indeed done a good job with them but by no means has she been perfect. That is, she has had toilet violations that the TVPC has had to punish her for. She acknowledges that as well.

She goes on to first address the matter of her being subject to TVPC regulations just as her cheerleaders and other girls are. “I know you’re not going to let up on that one,” the sexy, blonde-haired Miss Musso acknowledges, “I guess I’ve earned that with the accidents I’ve had at games.” “What I want to address is the condition that while I’m teaching in school I have to use the student girls’ rooms,” Miss Musso continues, “I want to discuss my not being allowed to use the faculty bathrooms like the other teachers do.” This was, of course, put in place because when serving as Cheerleading Coach at games and other functions -- where she’s sometimes had soiling accidents -- she was only able to use the regular student facilities with her cheerleaders. “Well, that was because we wanted you to get accustomed to using student facilities,” I remind her, “The thought was that if you regularly used the student facilities at our school, you’d be more likely to use the student facilities at games and not mess in your pants instead.” The point being, of course, was that the student facilities she was expected to use at other schools -- especially those available at sporting events -- were not nearly as nice as the faculty bathrooms she was accustomed to using here at our school.

Miss Musso -- Coach Musso -- acknowledges all that but also contends that she has indeed learned her lesson in that regard. “I haven’t had an accident at a game in 2 years,” the spandex-clad beauty contends, “I’ve used some pretty awful bathroom facilities at games just to avoid going in my pants.” “I just want to go back to using the faculty bathrooms in school,” she then says, “I just want to be like the other teachers and not have to use the student girls’ rooms every time I have to go.” “I mean, sometimes teachers do use the girls’ rooms out of convenience or emergency or whatever and I’ll certainly do that if I need to,” she clarifies, “But we teachers do have separate bathrooms and I want to be able to use them again.” “We have a bathroom right there in the coaches’ office in the girls’ locker room and it’s really convenient for us gym teachers to go to the bathroom there,” she point out, “I used to go there all the time myself -- even other teachers in that part of the building sometimes go in there to use the toilet.” “But now because of this condition you’ve imposed on me, I can’t go there at all,“ Coach Musso explains, “I have to go find a different bathroom to use that’s not so convenient -- especially when I have to teach several classes in a row.”

Coach Musso certainly gives us something to consider, but TVPC member Mrs. Karbopple remains skeptical. “You say that you haven’t had an accident at a game in 2 years and that’s certainly a good thing,” she tells Coach Musso, “But I think a big part of that is how well you’ve been trained to use student facilities rather than being able to rely on the faculty-only facilities.” “I think having you use only student facilities in school is good training for when you’re at games as the cheerleading coach and only student facilities are available,” she points out, “I think it’s working and I don’t know why we would want to change something that is working.” “I’m sorry, Grace -- I sympathize with your situation,” Mrs. Karbopple explains, “But again, I’m not willing to vote to change something that’s obviously working very well.”

I remain skeptical as well. “Isn’t there a bathroom -- specifically, a girls’ bathroom -- right there in the locker room for girls changing for gym to use,” I point out, “I would think that using a toilet in there would be pretty much the same in terms of convenience as using the toilet in the coaches’ office.” In being honest, Miss Musso is pretty much forced to admit that. “I guess so, Mr. Chairman,” she acknowledges, “But it’s really not nice having to go to the bathroom there -- especially when it’s #2.” “I mean, peeing isn’t so bad in there, I guess,” the sexy, spandex-clad coach tells me, “But not even the girls like to have their bowel movements in the girls’ locker room bathroom.” She points out that she always tries to make it upstairs to the Science Wing or some other girls’ room upstairs when she has to go #2. But she also points out that she can’t always manage that -- especially when she’s teaching several classes in a row.” “The girls are only in gym for one period a day and they can usually hold it in and go someplace better than the girls’ locker room,” Coach Musso tells us. “But as a teacher, I’m sometimes stuck in the gym teaching 3 or 4 classes in a row,” she explains, “And we both know that bad things can happen if I try to hold it in that long.”

Hearing her comments, I’m inclined to give her some consideration, but I’m just not sure. “I applaud you, Grace, for the improvement in your toilet habits,” I tell her, “You should be proud that you’ve been using the toilet when you need to -- I know it hasn’t been easy for you going to the bathroom in the girls’ room.” “You don’t know the half of it, Mr. Chairman,” she says. “But the thing is these stipulations on where you can go to the bathroom seem to be working,” I explain to her, “And I must say that I’m disinclined to change something that works.”

Mrs. Crabtree, though -- another member of the TVPC -- has a compromise proposal to offer. “How about for each time Miss Musso does a bowel movement in the girls’ room, she earns the right to have a bowel movement in the coaches’ office bathroom,” Mrs. Crabtree suggests, “And how about she be allowed one urination per day in the coaches’ office bathroom but if she needs to go more than that, she has to use the girls’ room.” Thinking it over, I start to think that this proposal does make a lot of sense. It gives Coach Musso some consideration (especially in light of how well she’s been doing), but it doesn’t let her go back to getting comfortable using only the faculty bathrooms. Nailing down the specifics, I note that she must first have a bowel movement in the girls’ room in order to earn the right to have one in a faculty bathroom. And I note that in doing so, she may use any faculty bathroom. “Although, I think she’s most comfortable in the coaches’ office bathroom, she won’t be limited to using that one,” I clarify, “Her one daily urination and her earned bowel movements may be taken in any faculty bathroom.” “And you’ll, of course, have to keep a record of all your bathroom usage in school,” I tell Grace, “And that’ll include all your bathroom usage at other schools when you’re acting as the Cheerleading Coach, as well.” Although this wasn’t exactly what she was looking for, Grace seems generally pleased with this proposal.

Of course, I also warn Grace of the consequences should she violation this. “Using a faculty bathroom when you’re not supposed to would mean going back to the way it was before,” I warn her, “And that would, of course, be in addition to the punishment you’d get for using an inappropriate bathroom.” “Having an accident in school is going to mean having to do your next 5 bowel movements in the student facilities without earning any faculty bathroom credit for it,” I further warn her, “And if you do it at a game while representing the school as the cheerleading coach that would be your next 10 in-school bowel movements.” “And that, OBVIOUSLY, would be in addition to the regular punishment you’d get for a panty-soiling violation,” I note. “And, of course, you’d still be subject to TVPC regulations when you’re using a faculty bathroom,” I also note.

With the details in place and acceptance by Miss Musso, the TVPC votes 4-1 to amend the sexy teacher’s bathroom usage conditions. Mrs. Karbopple votes “no” on the change. “I wish her all the best with this but I’ve seen too many accidents from her over the years to change something that’s been working,” Mrs. Karbopple says. Her comments, of course, are duly noted. “Good luck with this, Grace -- the TVPC is giving you a break,” I tell her, “I hope it works out for you.” Grace thanks the committee for it’s consideration. It wasn’t exactly what she wanted, but I think she’s happy to get some improvement in her present bathroom usage conditions.

So concludes this SPECIAL SESSION of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee. Meeting adjourned at 11:35 AM.

[spandexman]

Thanks again Arnold

Always look forward to reading about Grace. She was born for spandex and pooping.

[k_r]

Loved it! Thank you! Glad to see you are writing again. I've been a long time reader and fan of your stories and am always looking forward to the next one.