Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

[Arnold Ziffel]

Welcome to a session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.

My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of Monday, October 08, 2018.

As I convene this Monday afternoon session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC), I note that we have several toilet violations that occurred at our athletic events over the weekend. Specifically, we have one toilet violation from last Saturday’s football game and three that took place at Friday afternoon’s tennis match. As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, these are all toilet violations while representing the school and as such are considered more serious than toilet violations occurring in school. Looking over at Coach Graff -- the new coach of our Girls’ Tennis team -- I see that she’s ready, so I’ll take the cases from the tennis team first.

Madison is the first case and this tall and pretty sophomore brunette is charged with “Panty-Soiling” at the match. She claims it was only a little bit in her panties while actually playing in the match but that the worst of it only came out in her panties on the bus ride home. “I know that obviously makes me guilty of the panty-soiling violation,” she says, “But it really wasn’t as bad as it seems.” “I mean, the mess was really bad by the time we got back to our school and that’s when Coach Graf caught me,” the athletic sophomore explains, “But it really wasn’t that bad at all while I was playing.” “I don’t think that anyone could actually see during the match that I’d messed in my panties,” Madison argues, “I really don’t think you can say that I embarrassed the school by going in my panties as I did.” “But you did mess in your panties during the match, didn’t you?” Coach Graf asks her -- a tinge of annoyance in her voice, “Just because I didn’t actually catch you until it got much worse doesn’t mean you didn’t do it earlier, correct?” Madison, an unmistakable tone of shame in her voice, admits that she did. “It was only a little bit in my panties then but there was definitely some in my panties during the match,” she admits.

But while the TVPC appreciates the girl’s honesty and Coach Graf’s clarification, it really makes little difference as per TVPC regulations. “You are considered to be representing the school from the time you get on the bus to go to the tennis match until the time you leave school at our school when you get back,” I point out to Madison, “Even if the whole thing happened on the bus ride home, it would still be an accident while representing the school.” “Yes sir,” she then tells me, nodding her head that she understands. “I’m just saying that it didn’t really happen where girls from the other team could see me with the mess,” she reiterates, “I know that I have to get punished extra because it happened at a tennis match, sir -- but I just hope that you can consider that I didn’t actually mess my panties that bad during the match.”

“I think the point is that you shouldn’t have messed in your panties at all, young lady,” Coach Graf then tells her, “The point is that you should have done it ALL in the toilet instead of in your pants.” “The issue isn’t how much you did in your panties during the match and how much you did on the bus coming home,” she tells Madison, “The issue is that you went in your pants at all -- the issue is that you didn’t use the toilet when you needed to.” Madison looks down at the floor -- obviously in shame. She knows that Coach Graf is absolutely right. “There was a bathroom right there at the tennis courts,” the pretty blonde-haired coach continues, “It wasn’t even a matter of having to use a port-o-potty, Madison -- there was a regular toilet right there.” “Look, I understand the bathroom there wasn’t perfect -- I’m not saying it was an ideal place to go,” the coach tells her, “But there was a regular toilet right there and there’s no excuse for someone your age to go in her panties instead of using it.”

But Madison, though, apparently has a different view. “That bathroom was gross, Ma’am,” she tells Coach Graf, respectfully, “That bathroom was just gross -- I can deal with a port-o-potty but this was worse.” “I mean, I know it’s not an excuse for going in my panties -- I know I should have used it anyway,” she reasons, “But that bathroom was just totally gross -- It really was.” Coach Graf is left just shaking her head -- apparently in disagreement with her up and coming young tennis star. “That one toilet was completely clogged and there was poop all over the seat and down the front of the toilet,” Madison then specifies, “And there were no doors at all in that bathroom for privacy.” “And the other toilet in there was just fine,” her coach tells Madison. “There were 2 toilets in there and one of them was just fine,” she tells the athletic sophomore beauty, “It was reasonably clean, it had toilet paper there, and it functioned just fine.” “You were the only one to have an accident there, young lady, so apparently it couldn’t have been too bad,” the new and pretty coach continues, “I used it myself and obviously some of your teammates used it as well.”

“None of them used it to go #2,” Madison then clarifies, “I know some girls peed in there but nobody went #2 like I had to do.” “And Angelique did have to go and she wouldn’t go #2 there, either,” Madison continues, “She was just lucky that she was able to hold it in until we got back here to go.” “And she and Simona obviously didn’t pee in there, either,” the sophomore beauty notes, in a comment directed more toward Coach Graf. Angelique and Simona are presently here on “Defendants’ Row” and will be next on our agenda. Not wanting this to turn into a debate, I then bang my gavel to end the prevailing discussion.

“The only issue now before the TVPC is whether Madison soiled her panties while representing the school as a tennis player last Friday,” I note, “And there doesn’t appear to be any question but that she did.” “I did, sir,” a contrite Madison admits, bowing her head in shame, “I’m sorry, sir -- I know it was a disgusting thing to do.” “Coach Graf is right that I should have used the toilet anyway,” she then tells me, “Horrible bathroom or not, it still would have been better than going in my pants.” “I just thought I could hold it in and wait,” Madison says, “I thought I could wait until we got back and I could have used the girls’ room here.” “But you didn’t go even when it started to come out during your match, did you?” Coach Graf then asks her, “You kept holding it in after that and you messed in your panties much, much worse on the bus ride home, didn’t you?” Madison admits that she did -- she says she didn’t want to go pull her panties down in that bathroom with some of the mess already in her panties.”

Checking her toilet record, I see that this is only Madison’s first panty-soiling of the school year. But, of course, as it’s an accident while representing the school, she is not entitled to be let off with just a warning. There’s no reason to be particularly severe with her over this -- The TVPC does appreciate her honesty in admitting what she did -- But a panty-soiling while representing the school is not something we take lightly. For punishment, she’ll have to write, “I will not soil my panties in school or at tennis matches again” 500 times. Furthermore, she’ll have to serve 5 hours of detention and will be require to visit the bathroom at every tennis match for the rest of the season. Madison had no doubt hoped for a lighter punishment but I think she knows that she’s got no one but herself to blame.

I next call Coach Graf’s other 2 cases from last Friday afternoon. For that, I call 2 more of her tennis players -- specifically, Angelique and Simona. Angelique, a tall and pretty junior and Simona, a rather petite but equally attractive junior, are charged with “Improper Urination.” Specifically, these 2 blonde-haired beauties are charged with squatting outside behind a storage shed and urinating on the grass there.

“Is this the kind of report I have to get about 2 of my players,” Coach Graf angrily says, “I have to hear from a parent of a girl on the other team that 2 of my girls are urinating out in the open behind the storage building.” “I wanted to tell her that all of my girls had more sense than to do that,” Coach Graf continues, “But then I turn and see you 2 coming back from behind the shed and Simona carrying some tissues in her hand.” “Can I at least assume that urinating was all that you did back there?” she angrily asks her girls, “I mean, when I went back there and checked, I only found wet grass and nothing else, but if you’d just squat and do that, I have to ask about the other as well.”

“Yes, we only urinated back there,” Angelique answers, seemingly a bit puzzled, “Neither of us went #2 if that’s what you mean.” “What do you think we used for toilet paper if we’d done that?” she asks her coach, seemingly annoyed that Coach Graf would ask them that question. “Well, I don’t know what you used for toilet paper as it was,” Coach Graf then responds, “I mean, I saw Simona walking back from there with tissues in her hand, but I didn’t see you with any.” The implication, of course, was that Simona had used those tissues as toilet paper -- apparently then taking them over to a garbage can and placing them in there. “Well, I just dripped dried,” Angelique explains, “But obviously I would have had to find something to wipe with if I’d done more than just pee.” “It was no big deal to drip dry,” she argues, “It’s not like I wasn’t going to be sweating a lot anyway during my match.”

“Sweating is not urine,” Coach Graf then tells her, “At least Simona had the good sense to wipe herself afterwards.” “As if it’s not bad enough to just pop-a-squat outside, you do it without even wiping yourself,” the pretty, young Coach lectures her, “That’s just gross.” Angelique just shakes her head at that but Simona seems to agree with her coach. “Yeah, Angelique,” Simona tells her friend, “That is kind of gross.” But unless Coach Graf wants to also charge Angelique with “Panty-Wetting” -- that is, her failure to wipe caused her panties to become so wet that it would constitute an actual wetting accident -- it’s of no concern to the TVPC. The coach, while clearly annoyed that Angelique would just drip dry like that, clearly can’t claim it to be an actual “Panty-Wetting” violation.

Instead, I direct Coach Graf back to the issue of Angelique and Simona urinating outside. The 2 girls explain that given the condition of the bathroom that was there, they preferred to just go off and squat behind the little storage shed that was there by the courts. It is more than apparent that neither girl thinks she did anything wrong by doing so. “I just don’t see what the big deal is,” Simona tells us, “We had to pee so we just went and peed.” “I just don’t see how this should be a toilet violation,” she says. “Exactly,” Angelique agrees, “We had to pee and we just peed -- I don’t know why Coach Graf is trying to make such a big deal out of this.” “I mean, it’s not like we went in our pants like Madison did,” she adds. “Well, you ALMOST messed in your pants like she did,” Coach Graf is then quick to point out, “I never saw you run as fast as you were when you ran for the bathroom after we got back here Friday.” “But I still don’t see what the big deal is with peeing outside like we did,” Angelique reiterates, “I still say popping-a-squat was better than using that horrible bathroom that was there.” “Two weeks ago -- that match against Bedrock,” pretty junior tells Coach Graf, “Don’t you remember that you actually ENCOURAGED us to go outside.” “As I recall, you were right there peeing next to me in the bushes that afternoon,” Angelique reminds her coach, “And now you want to punish me and Simona for doing the same thing?”

But Coach Graf is quick to remind her that there weren’t any bathroom facilities at that particular match. “Obviously, it’s better to squat in the bushes than to wet your pants,” she tells Angelique. “They had no bathroom there at Bedrock -- It was almost prehistoric,“ she says, “Not even a port-o-potty there for the girls to use.” “But obviously you don’t go outside when there’s actually a bathroom there,” she continues lecturing, “Obviously, if there’s a bathroom there you should use it rather than popping-a-squat outside.” “And at least when we went in the bushes, we had lots of cover,” Coach Graf reminds her, “At least we had a little bit of privacy with those bushes to do it.” Simona, though, points out that she and Angelique also had cover behind the storage shed. But that’s a point to which Coach Graf disagrees. “If that had been private I wouldn’t have gotten a report from a parent that saw what you 2 were doing back there.”

Bringing us back once again to the matter at hand, I echo Coach Graf’s point as to going to the bathroom outside. “As Coach Graf said, obviously you go outside rather than go in your pants,” I tell the girls, “We definitely don’t want girls going in their pants -- especially while representing the school.” “But going outside is only a last resort,” I explain, “Obviously, you are to use a regular bathroom if one is available before you’d go outside.” Both girls seem to understand what I’m saying -- they’re both smart girls -- but I don’t think they really agree with me. “O.K. -- I guess,” Angelique says, with Simona nodding in agreement, “I guess we understand.” “O.K. -- But I still don’t get why you’re so hyper about this,” Angelique then turns and says to Coach Graf, “You yelled at the 2 of us more than you yelled at Madison and she took a major dump in her pants.” The implication, of course, is that what they did was pretty minor compared to Madison having a major panty-soiling accident. But Coach Graf apparently disagrees. “What Madison did was only an accident -- As bad as the mess was, it was only an accident,” she tells the girls, “But what you girls did was obviously on purpose.”

Well, on that point, I’d have to disagree a bit with Coach Graf. I certainly think that Madison’s panty-soiling accident reflects more unfavorably upon our school and our tennis team than Angelique and Simona popping-a-squat to urinate. For punishment, Angelique and Simona will be required to write, “I will not, unless it’s absolutely necessary, urinate outside at tennis matches or any other time again”300 times. They’ll also have to each write a 1,000 word apology essay to their teammates and coach. And finally, they’ll each be required to sit on the for 10 minutes prior to the next 5 tennis matches. Suffice to say, the 2 girls are not happy with their punishment, but I doubt they’ll be skipping a regular bathroom to urinate outside again anytime soon.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Moving on with our agenda this afternoon, we have a case from Saturday afternoon’s football game. Last Saturday, our football team played an away game at Westdale High School. And, of course, our cheerleaders and our band also traveled to Westdale for the game. I’m pleased to hear from Mrs. Sylvester -- our new band director -- that there were no toilet violations from the girls in the band. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said of our cheerleading squad. Miss Musso -- our sexy and perennially spandex-clad Cheerleading Coach -- is here to report that one of her girls wet her pants (and apparently a whole lot more) on the bus ride home. Members of the band and cheerleaders are, of course, representatives of the school just like tennis players and other athletes are. I must say, though, that I’m quite disappointed to see that the girl accused of “Panty-Wetting” is Caroline, a pretty senior with long blonde hair.

Turning to Coach Musso (who is certainly not immune to having accidents at games herself), she is certainly not pleased with Caroline. “Of all the girls I have to worry about on the squad, it’s you who wet your pants,” she tells the senior beauty, “Of all the girls on the squad, you’d be about the last person I’d suspect would wet her pants.” Caroline, obviously ashamed, doesn’t argue with her coach. In fact, she, nodding her head, seems to agree. “And, of course, you don’t simply wet your pants like most girls do,” Coach Musso continues, “You can’t just wet your skirt and maybe your shorts and leave it at that.” That last comment leaves myself and the rest of the TVPC a bit puzzled. Of course, I ask the sexy cheerleading coach what she meant by that. “Oh, Caroline didn’t just wet her skirt and the shorts she was wearing, sir,” Coach Musso explains, “Caroline apparently can’t just wet her pants -- she has to literally flood her pants.” “It’s bad enough when you’re dripping it down from your seat on the bus,” she admonishes the pretty blonde senior, “But then I get a long trail of yellow down the center aisle of the bus.” “I’ve unfortunately seen quite a few wetting accidents in my time as cheerleading coach, Mr. Chairman,” Coach Musso turns and tells me, “But I’ve never seen a girl with the volume that Caroline wet on Saturday.” “I‘ve seen puddles on the floor in front of the seat where the girl was sitting,” she says, “But I’ve never seen a trail like that down the aisle of the bus before.”

“That was gross,” chimes in Cheyenne, a fellow senior and the cheerleading captain, “I can’t believe you just completely peed your pants like that.” Cheyenne is here on an unrelated matter but obviously had a front row seat to the spectacle of Caroline’s urine rolling down the center aisle of the bus. “I can’t believe you wouldn’t even go and pee in the bathroom there,” the pretty blonde captain adds. “I mean, it’s one thing not to want to go poop at a game,” Cheyenne explains, “I think just about all of us have at least some issue doing that in a public bathroom.” “But it’s another thing entirely not to even pee in public bathrooms,” she criticizes her cheering mate, “By the time you get to high school you really shouldn’t be having problems with that.” “Personally, I think it’s even worse to pee your pants than to mess in them,” Cheyenne explains further, “I can see trying to hold your poop in until you get home, but there’s really no excuse not to even pee in a public bathroom.” “Plus the bathroom they had there was perfectly fine,” the pretty senior captain continues, “I don’t think you’re going to find too many school bathrooms better than they had there.” “I don’t know what excuse you’d possibly have for not wanting to even pee there,” she adds, “I think Paisley and Quinn even pooped in there and Claudia, too.” Paisley and Quinn are cheerleaders and Claudia is in the band. All three have had issues in the past with soiling their panties and other toilet violations for not wanting to use the available bathroom facilities at games and other school events. Caroline, though, argues that Cheyenne has it all wrong. “It wasn’t a matter of not wanting to use the girls’ room there,” she says. She then starts to get into some sort of explanation of how it happened but I’m not ready to get into that just yet.

Instead, I need to address with the coach another issue concerning the severity of Caroline’s wetting. Given the severity of the wetting, I have to ask Coach Musso if Caroline should be charged with wetting her pants on purpose. As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, a girl who wets her pants on purpose (or messes her pants on purpose) gets punished more severely than a girl who merely has an accident. “I realize that she might not have just sat there on the bus and releases her bladder on purpose,” I suggest, “But I have to wonder if after the wetting started, she just let go and let the wetting run it’s course.” “If at some point, she just stopped trying to hold it in, that would be an intentional wetting,” I explain, “To be considered a panty wetting ACCIDENT, she’d have to at least be trying to hold it in the whole time.” The point being that with a wetting with the kind of volume that Caroline apparently had, it would seem that at some point, she simply gave up and let her bladder just finish.

But Caroline herself disputes that. “Sir -- I tried really hard to hold it in,” she tells me, “I was trying really hard through the whole thing to get control of myself but I just had to pee too bad.” “I’m sorry I peed so much and I’m sorry it went all over,” Caroline continues, “But I just couldn’t hold it, sir -- I just couldn’t hold any of it.” Looking over at Coach Musso, I see her nodding her head -- apparently in agreement with the pretty senior cheerleader. “I’m pretty sure she was really trying to hold it in, Mr. Chairman,” the spandex-clad cheerleading coach tells me, “I’m pretty certain she was fighting the whole time to hold it in.” “Believe it or not, she actually peed quite a bit in the girls’ room afterwards,” Coach Musso explains, “With all the pee on the floor of the bus and soaked in her skirt and shorts, it’s hard to believe that she still had to pee some more but she did.” The implication, of course, is that she wouldn’t have had any urine left for the toilet if she had simply let it all out in her pants while she was on the bus. “I just have a big bladder, sir -- A REALLY big bladder,” Caroline tells me. “It’s usually a good thing, sir, because I don’t have to keep running for the girls’ room all the time like some girls do,” she explains, “But I guess sometimes it can be a bad thing, too.”

“It’s a bad thing when you get lazy and careless and don’t go use the girls’ room when you should,” Coach Musso then chimes in, “It’s a bad thing when you think you can just wait and use the girls’ room only when you feel like it.” “That’s why I always tell you girls to always go visit the girls’ room before getting on the bus,” the spandex-clad Cheerleading Coach adds. Caroline just nods her head staring at the floor in shame because she knows her coach is correct. Coach Musso then reiterates the point that she doesn’t think Caroline’s wetting was intentional and that she shouldn’t be more severely because of that. But she does argue that Caroline should receive an enhanced punishment based not only on the severity of the wetting but the fact that the bathroom there at Westdale High School was so nice. “It’s one thing when a girl has an accident because she doesn’t want to use a port-o-potty or that the bathroom is dirty or there aren’t any doors on the stalls or something like that,” she argues, “I mean, it’s still no excuse for having an accident but you can kind of see why a girl wouldn’t want to use a bathroom like that.” “I mean, you can kind of see why a girl would be tempted to try to hold it in then,” the coach explains. “But that bathroom there were just perfectly fine,” Coach Musso points out, “There’s just no excuse at all for not using it and having an accident because of it.” “I mean, EVERYONE else seemed to use that bathroom without any problem,” she explains further, “Amongst the whole band and all the cheerleaders, you were the only one to have an accident Saturday.” “And when you add in how voluminous the accident ended up being,” the coach adds, “I definitely thing it calls for an enhanced punishment.”

Turning now to Caroline, she readily admits that it was shameful and that she has no excuse for what she did. “I really wish I could go back and reverse what I did,” the pretty senior blonde tells me, “I’d do anything to go back and this time I’d use the bathroom when I should.” “This is all so embarrassing,” she says, “The whole thing was totally humiliating.” But she also explains that it wasn’t a matter of not wanting to use the bathroom at the game. She tells us that with her bladder, she never has to pee at games. “It’s almost like I’m superhuman,” she says, “Like I’m a VAMPIRE or something because I only pee like 2 or 3 times a day.” “I always go before we leave and then I’m always good at least until we get back,” Caroline explains, “I mean, sometimes I do have to go the other way, but I just never have to pee at games.” “But this time you apparently did have to go?” I then ask her. “Yes sir -- I did,” she answers, “It was just really stupid of me not to just go before we left.” “I was really stupid of me to try to wait -- I obviously should have gone before getting on the bus,” the senior cheerleader acknowledges, “But like I said, I’m just not in the habit of needing to go at games.” She also points out that she had been taking medication and drinking more water than usual because of a sinus infection and that may have affected her need to pee on Saturday. “All the more reason that you should have been more careful,” Coach Musso tells her, “All the more reason you should have a made a pit stop in the girls’ room just in case.” “Yes Ma’am,” she contritely acknowledges, “I know it was my fault.”

Moving on to Caroline’s punishment, I agree with Coach Musso that the severity of the accident does warrant more than usual dose of punishment. And the apparent capacity of the girl’s bladder, while explaining how such a voluminous accident could happen, doesn’t make her any less culpable. In fact, I’d have to say that a girl with a large bladder having a wetting accident could be considered a worse violation than a girl with a smaller bladder doing the same. Still, I have to consider that she has no previous toilet violations this year and the standard punishment for an accident while representing the school is plenty severe -- especially for a girl who has no previous accident violations this year. And I’m also inclined to consider how Caroline is taking responsibility and not making excuses for what she did. I’m quite certain she’ll be more careful -- even with her apparently enormous bladder -- in the future.

For punishment, I assign her to write, “I will not wet my pants in school or while cheerleading again” 500 times and to serve a week in detention. But I’m also assigning her, for the rest of the football season, to make mandatory girls’ room visits not only before getting on the bus going to games, but once they get there and still again before getting on the bus to come home. At home games, she’ll be required to go upon arrival at the stadium and again before she leaves. Caroline lets out a groan at hearing that. “I don’t care whether you have to go or not,” I tell her, a tinge of anger -- or at least severity -- in my voice, “Your butt better hit the toilet seat each and every time I’ve mandated and you’d better empty whatever happens to be in your bladder at the time.” “I don’t care if it’s only a port-o-potty,” I further explain, “You go in there and sit and empty out whatever you’ve got inside you.” “Is that clear, young lady?” I ask her sternly. “Yes, sir,” she answers glumly.

Before moving on to our agenda of actual cases for today, we have another matter that I must address now. It concerns our Cheerleading Coach Miss Musso and since she’s already at the podium, we might as well address this now. “Unfortunately, Grace, the TVPC has received an anonymous letter about you,” I tell the sexy Coach Musso, “I’m not inclined to believe anonymous letters but it is TVPC policy to investigate all correspondence received.” “In fact, Grace, I’m actually thinking that it’s not true,” I tell her, “But I hope you understand that I have to ask you about it anyway.” Coach Musso acknowledges that she understands. Cheyenne, a classic blonde beauty, who is also captain of the Cheerleading squad, is also here to address this matter.

“The anonymous letter accuses Coach Musso of having a panty-soiling accident at Saturday’s game,” I announce and note for the record, “And, of course, that would be a toilet violation for her just as it would be for one of her cheerleaders.” Turning now to Coach Musso, she vehemently denies that she did. “I don’t know what else to say, Mr. Chairman, but I simply didn’t soil my panties Saturday,” she tells me, “I did it in the toilet just like I’m supposed to.” “You had a bowel movement in the toilet at the game, Grace?” I ask her. “I went in the girls’ room here before we left,” Coach Musso explains, “I had a bowel movement in the girls’ room in the hallway down by the gym before we boarded the bus.” She tells us that she first tried to go at home when she got up that morning, but didn’t have to go until she got to school.

“It’s true, sir,” then chimes in Cheyenne, “Coach Musso did go in the toilet in the girls’ room here Saturday morning.” Before taking the cheerleading captain’s testimony, though, I must first remind her that it is her responsibility as Cheerleading Captain to keep watch on her coach. “If Coach Musso has an accident or commits any toilet violation, it’s up to you to report it, Cheyenne,” I tell the senior beauty, “If you don’t you are, of course, subject to TVPC punishment and removal as squad captain.” “And, of course, lying to the TVPC would be a toilet violation as well,” I warn her. Cheyenne assures me that she understands. With that we can now move on to her testimony. “Coach Musso didn’t mess in her panties at the game or anything else on Saturday,” the Captain reiterates, “As she said before, she did go in the girls’ room here before we left.” Cheyenne tells us that she was actually in the girls’ room in the stall next to Coach Musso at the time. “I’m always pretty regular -- I usually go #2 first thing in the morning when I get up,” Cheyenne explains, “I guess I’m pretty lucky about that because I rarely then have to go at school or anyplace else but at home -- at least for #2.” “But for some reason, I just couldn’t go at home this morning,” she explains further, “I just sat and sat for a long time this morning but I just couldn’t make myself go.” “And then I tried again in the girls’ room before getting on the bus,” she continues, “I know the girls’ room down by the gym isn’t the greatest but I didn’t want to end up having to use a port-o-potty or something at the game.”

“And Coach Musso was in the stall next to you and you know she had a bowel movement then?” I ask. “Yes sir,” she answers, “She was definitely having a bowel movement in the stall next to me.” “I mean, I didn’t actually see her stuff in the toilet if that’s what you mean,” Cheyenne clarifies, “But I did end up having to pass her toilet paper under the stall partition.” “And I had to pass her A LOT of toilet paper,” Cheyenne adds. “That was definitely big wiping job that I had to do,” Coach Musso says, concurring with that. “Yeah -- It was a messy one,” she tells us, “And there was only enough for one wipe on the roll in the stall.” I ask Cheyenne if she herself managed to do her bowel movement in there as well.” “No -- At least not then,” she tells me, “I don’t know what happened to me that day but I just couldn’t go all morning.” “I actually didn’t have to go until after I was on the bus coming home,” she says, “It must have been the pretzel or something that I ate at the game because suddenly I had to go kind of bad.” “I ended up using that same girls’ room, though, after we got back after the game,” she explains, “Fortunately, I did make it in time without anything in my panties.” “But I definitely could have used some of that toilet paper that I’d given Coach Musso earlier,” the pretty senior comments, with a laugh, “I had a pretty messy one myself and I had to waddle over to the sinks to get some paper towels to wipe myself with.” Her comment produces a few laughs from the assembled crowd.

Hearing all that, the TVPC finds no merit in the anonymous letter and Coach Musso is NOT charged with a panty-soiling violation. Furthermore, I thank her and Cheyenne for their cooperation in this matter.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Moving on to cases from today, I first call an outgoing sophomore beauty named Jen. Though she’s a sophomore, it’s only her first year at our school having just move here to live with her grandmother. This is already her second visit to the TVPC having previously been punished for “Loitering in the Girls’ Room.” Today, she is being charged with “Use of Profanity to Refer to Bodily Functions.” Jen pleads “Guilty” -- albeit reluctantly -- but really doesn’t see why this should be a toilet violation.

“Yeah -- I said it, so I guess that makes me guilty,” Jen says, “But I was just talking to Dawson and Joey.” “It wasn’t like I was even talking to Miss Bliss,” Jen argues, “I mean, I did say it to Miss Bliss when she made me repeat it, but it’s not like I was even talking to her when I said it.” Looking over the Violation Report -- filed by Miss Bliss who was supervising the 7th period Study Hall that Jen and apparently her friends Dawson and Joey are in -- the pretty blonde is accused of saying “I gotta take a shit so bad” to her friends. As previously noted, Jen admits to having said it.

“It was my study hall period and I had to go,” the pretty sophomore then tells us, “I’d had to go #2 since the middle of Biology class the period before.” “I didn’t want to go between classes because it’s hard to go #2 then -- It’s usually not even enough time and you have to rush or even not wipe yourself completely,” Jen explains, “So I decided to wait and go during study hall.” “So when I get to study hall I put my name on the list for the girls’ room pass,” she continues, “But Miss Bliss has a rule that only one girl may go at a time and there were like 6 or 7 girls ahead of me on the list.” “But even that wouldn’t usually be a problem,” she continues, “It really doesn’t take that long to pee -- even for a girl -- and the list to go usually moves pretty fast.” “But I don’t know what was going on today, sir -- That list was going really, really slow,” the beautiful blonde sophomore tells me, “It seemed like every girl ahead of me on that list was doing the same thing that I needed to do.”

“And then you decided to tell Dawson and Joey specifically what you needed to do?” I ask her. “Yes, sir,” she tells me. “I guess I was looking kind of uncomfortable sitting there holding it in and Dawson asked me what was wrong,” Jen explains, “And that’s when I said what I said.” “You told Dawson ’I gotta take a shit so bad,’ correct?” I ask. “Yes sir,” Jen answers, “But I never meant for anyone else to hear it -- As I said before, I was just talking to Dawson and Joey.” “But apparently you did say it loud enough that at least Miss Bliss heard it,” I note. “Yes, sir,” Jen responds, “She asked me what I’d said and made me repeat it for everyone.” “Look -- I guess I really shouldn’t have said it like that and I’m sorry,” she then turns and says to Miss Bliss, “But didn’t you make it into a bigger deal than it was by making me say it in front of everyone?” “As I said before, I just said it to my friends,” Jen argues, “If it was so bad, why did you make me say it again for more people to hear?” “The point was that you shouldn’t have said it all, young lady,” Miss Bliss counters, “Don’t say something like that at all if you don’t want everyone to hear it.” “I don’t know how it was at your old school, Jen, but around here girls do not shit,” Miss Bliss then explains -- to which she’s interrupted by some giggling from Jen. Annoyed, she gives Jen a disapproving look and Jen wisely controls herself.

“I think what Miss Bliss is saying is that at our school, girls defecate and have bowel movements,” I then explain to Jen, “Or, at worst, they poop or take a dump.” “Around here girls do not use profanity to refer to their bodily functions,” I explain further, “And girls that do get punished by our committee.” “It’s not that serious an offense THIS TIME,” I then warn her, “But I can promise you that if you keep doing it, your punishment will be getting worse.” Jen nods her head that she understands. For punishment THIS TIME, she’ll have to write the phrase “Bowel Movement” 500 times. “Hopefully, that’ll help you remember the proper terminology,” I tell her.

But before moving on to the next case, I ask this blonde-haired beauty if Miss Bliss still let her girls’ room after this. “Yes sir -- she did,” Jen answers, “When my name came up on the pass list, she did let me go.” “Well then, assuming you had to go as bad as you say, I think you ought to thank Miss Bliss for that,” I suggest, “I’m thinking that most teachers wouldn’t have let you have that girls’ room pass after a violation like that.” “I don’t think I could have held it in until the end of the period,” Jen then admits, “If Miss Bliss hadn’t let me go when I did, I think I’d have ended up messing my pants instead.” “Yes -- that’s what I was thinking,” I tell Jen. Jen, then getting the message, thanks Miss Bliss for that. “Well, as Mr. Ziffel said, it wasn’t a serious violation,” the kindly Social Studies teacher notes, “You definitely deserve the writing assignment but I didn’t think you deserved a messing in your pants because of it.” Jen thanks her again for that.

For our next case, I call a very pretty and always fashionable junior brunette named Spencer. I am quite surprised to see her charged with “Panty-Soiling” this afternoon. It’s certainly not that Spencer is a stranger to the TVPC -- we last saw her during a Special Session last summer when she was punished for sticking a sleeping girl’s hand in warm water causing her to wet her bed -- but I am very surprised to see her with a mess in her panties. Spencer is not a shy girl and has never before seemed to have a problem using the girls’ room when she needed to. But when I look further at the Violation Report in this case and see that it’s from Mr. Feeney, I think I already know what happened in this case.

“It’s not my fault, sir,” Spencer tells me, “No way is this even remotely my fault.” “You know me, sir, you know my record -- You know that I’m not one to be going in my pants,” she tells me, “You know I’m not one of those girls that’s holding it in all the time -- You know that I go and use the girls’ room when I need to.” “No way is this my fault,” she reiterates, this time directing her comments to her History teacher, Mr. Feeney, “You know this wouldn’t have happened if you’d have just let me go to the girls’ room when I asked.” For faithful readers of the TVPC, this is quite a familiar story -- The strict History and Civics teacher NEVER lets girls go to the girls room when they ask. In fact, most girls know better than to even bother to ask. Smart girls know they’d better take care of their bathroom business before class because Mr. Feeney is not about to let you do it on class time. “Look at what you made me do, sir,” Spencer rants at Mr. Feeney, “Look at this mess you made me do.” With that last bit, she turns and shows us the back of her jeans. Actually, it doesn’t look too bad -- Certainly not as bad as some loads I’ve seen -- But there is clearly a noticeable discoloration in the seat of those jeans. “Do you have any idea how disgusting this is?” Spencer tells Mr. Feeney, “Do you have any idea what it’s been like for me walking around with this load in my pants since 3rd period?”

Mr. Feeney, on the other hand, just stands there calm and collected as always. “You know my policy, young lady,” he tells Spencer, “You know my feelings about interrupting class time.” “I think I made it perfectly clear on the first day of class,” the strict teacher explains, “Class time is for class business and you take care of your personal business on your own time.” When questioned, Spencer reluctantly admits that she already had to go when she first got to class. “As I said, take care of your own personal business on your own time,” Mr. Feeney reiterates for the fashionable junior beauty. The implication, of course, is that Spencer should have gone to the girls’ room in the passing time between classes and taken care of her business then.

But Spencer argues that that’s simply not enough time. “There’s barely enough time between classes to even pee,” she tells us, “There’s no way you can do what I needed to do in the time between classes.” “For me, it’s not even enough time to pee,” the pretty brunette argues, “But I don’t know any girl who can do more than pee then and not be late for class.” But then -- Thinking about it for a moment -- she says that she probably should have done that anyway. “O.K. -- I would have gotten punished for being late to class,” Spencer reasons, “But it’s not like I’m not getting punished anyway.” “And then at least I wouldn’t have a mess in my panties to deal with,” she explains, “At least then I’d have been able to do my bowel movement in the toilet where it belongs.” “Do you have any idea how disgusting this is?” she asks again -- obviously rhetorically, “Do you have any idea how awful this feels walking around with a mess in my panties all day?”

“Well, karma can be a bitch sometimes, can’t it?” suddenly asks Mrs. Adler, a member of the TVPC, “Do you have any idea how Hanna must have felt waking up in a wet bed at band camp last summer?” Maybe know you’ll think about how Hanna must have felt when you and your friends put her hand in warm water and she wet the bed,” she adds. As faithful readers of the TVPC will surely remember, it was Mrs. Adler who felt that the TVPC was too lenient with Spencer and her friends for that. Mrs. Adler advocated for a modified type of toilet suspension as their punishment -- whereby the girls would at least be forced to wet their pants as punishment for ostensibly doing the same to Hanna. “Well, maybe now you won’t think making someone go in their pants is so funny,” Mrs. Adler lectures Spencer, “Maybe now you got a little taste of what you and your friends put Hanna through.”

Spencer, though, objects to the comparison. She claims that Hanna wetting her pants -- even her bed -- is different from this. “I’ve wet my pants before,” Spencer argues, “That’s not as bad as this.” “NOTHING is as bad as this!” she exclaims. Mrs. Adler also questions her about the severity of her accident and her claim of having to walk around all day (well, at least since 3rd period) with a mess in her pants. “Actually, the seat of your jeans looks more wet than soiled,” Mrs. Adler notes. Spencer then explains that she went into the girls’ room during her lunch period and tried to clean up the mess as best she could. She still claims that it was disgusting having to walk around like that as was trying to clean up the mess in the girls’ room. Spencer also explains (in response to another question) that she had planned to just hold it in through Mr. Feeney’s class and then get a girls’ room pass from Ms. Montgomery in English class the next period. “She’s a nice teacher,” Spencer adds, in a dig directed at Mr. Feeney, “She doesn’t make girls mess in their panties in her class.”

With that, I bang my gavel. “That’s quite enough, young lady,” I admonish her. “You’re obviously guilty of ‘Panty-Soiling’ and the TVPC finds you so,” I tell Spencer and note for the record, “That Mr. Feeney wouldn’t excuse you from class to go to the girls’ room is of no concern for the TVPC.” “Under TVPC rules, teachers are under no obligation to excuse you from class for bathroom purposes,” I explain, “Some teachers are willing to give girls’ room passes during class time while other teachers are not -- it’s strictly up the individual teacher.” It’s Spencer’s first accident violation of the school year but having a previous offense on her record -- Specifically, that stupid bedwetting prank at band camp -- she is not entitled to be let off with just a warning. Still, as a first panty-soiling offense she is entitled to leniency. She is then sentence to serve one hour of detention and to write, “I will not soil my panties in school again” 100 times. I think for Spencer, though, the shame of what happened and the disgust are worse than any punishment I could have given her.

For our next case, we have a pretty dark-haired blonde named Cady. Cady is a junior but she’s a new student at our school having been home schooled prior to enrolling here. She’s extremely bright -- particularly in Math. Ms. Norberry, coach of our “Mathlete” team is already trying to recruit her for the team. But apparently Cady has had a bit of a tough time trying to fit in to a more formal school atmosphere, having been home schooled up until now. Apparently, she’s already run afoul of some MEAN GIRLS at our school. Today, she faces the TVPC for the first time -- having been charged with “Eating in the Girls’ Room.” The charge, filed by Mrs. Johns (our ace bathroom monitor), alleges that Cady did so during her 6th period lunch earlier today. Cady pleads “Guilty” to the charge and, with a promise never to do it again, asks for leniency in her punishment.

“It’s not really a serious offense, Cady -- You don’t have to worry about getting a severe punishment,” I tell her sympathetically, “It’s just that food is not allowed outside the cafeteria.” “Normally, enforcement of that would be a matter for the principal,” I explain, “But when you bring an item of food into a bathroom, it becomes a toilet-related offense and therefore a matter for the TVPC.” “I know that if you’re in a hurry and need to go to the bathroom during lunch, it seems convenient to carry a piece of fruit or a popsicle or whatever into the bathroom when you go,” I explain further, “But once again, you’re not allowed to have food outside the cafeteria.” “As I said, it’s not really a serious offense -- especially for a first time,” I point out as Cady nods her head, “But next time, just make sure you finish your lunch before you head over to the girls’ room.”

It seems like a simple case -- As I noted to Cady a lot of girls are finishing up an apple, or some cookies, or something as they head to the bathroom during their lunch period and it’s not really a big deal. But Mrs. Johns is standing there shaking her head like something is wrong. Of course, I ask her about that.

“You don’t quite get it, Mr. Chairman,” Mrs. Johns then tells me, “You’re not understanding specifically what Cady did here.” She then explains that Cady ate her entire lunch in the bathroom. “It was not just a matter of her finishing up her last bit of lunch as she headed to the girls’ room,” our ace restroom monitor reports, “Cady just took her lunch into the girls’ room and eat it there.” “She had her tray and her entire lunch in there with her,” Mrs. Johns explains, “I caught her in a stall sitting on the toilet with her lunch tray on her lap.” The members of the TVPC -- myself included -- are stunned by this revelation. Anticipating my next question, the ever dutiful restroom monitor then clarifies, “She was just sitting there fully-clothed on the toilet eating her lunch.” “Her being new and all, I think she was nervous and not sure where to sit in the cafeteria,” she adds, “I don’t think she’s really made any friends yet.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Cady states, agreeing with Mrs. Johns. “I just wasn’t sure what to do,” she says, “I just wasn’t sure where to sit.” “Well, surely you shouldn’t have to sit in the girls’ room,” I tell her sympathetically, “Surely, we can help you find someone to sit with in the cafeteria.” Looking over to Ms. Norberry, I can see that she is eager to help. In addition to being a Math teacher and coach of the “Mathletes” team, Ms. Norberry is also a Guidance Counselor. “I’ll help you find a group to sit with, Cady,” she tells the pretty junior, “A few of my mathletes are in the same lunch period as you and I’m sure they’d be happy to have you sit with them.” It would seem that Ms. Norberry has an ulterior motive there, but nevertheless it’ll still be good for Cady. As I told her, she certainly shouldn’t be having to eat her lunch in the girls’ room.

Getting back to the case, I believe this is the first time the TVPC has ever dealt with a girl going to the girls’ room specifically to eat her lunch. As I’ve noted, our previous cases of “Eating in the Girls’ Room” dealt with girls finishing up a bit of lunch as they headed into the girls’ room for the usual reasons. But still, the TVPC rules make no distinction between this incident and all those other incidents. This is simply an “Eating in the Girls’ Room” violation just like the others. Besides, I’m thinking it would be downright cruel to punish Cady more severely under these particular circumstances. I merely sentence her to 1 hour of detention and having to write “I will not eat in the girls’ room again” 100 times. “No more eating in the girls’ room, Cady,” I tell her, “O.K.?” “Yes sir,” she tells me, smiling. She’s quite pleased that her punishment is so light and no doubt because she’ll now have someplace else to sit and eat her lunch.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Moving on to a more serious toilet violation, we have a case of “Smoking in the Girls’ Room.” Corrine, a junior brunette, stands accused of smoking in the New Addition girls’ room during 7th period this afternoon. Looking over the Violation Report, I see that this is a student-brought case. As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, even though the majority of TVPC cases are brought by teachers and other staff members, students are perfectly free to bring a TVPC case against another student. In this case, we actually have 2 students charging Corrine with “Smoking in the Girls’ Room” today. Both girls were apparently using the girls’ room for it’s intended purpose -- specifically having bowel movements -- when Corrine allegedly came in and lit up a cigarette. I note that Corrine is on loan to the TVPC now as she has a stretch of detention to serve for using profanity to the principal. That was, of course, a non toilet-related offense and not a matter for the TVPC. TVPC member Mrs. Adler notes that as well. “To heck with detention,” she tells Corrine, “They should have washed your mouth out with SOAP for that.” But as I noted that’s not a concern for the TVPC and I focus the committee’s attention back on the charge brought by Blossom and Carly.

Blossom, a pretty and very bright honor student, speaks first. “Well, as I indicated in the report, I was in a stall on the toilet taking care of my own business,” she reports, “And Carly was doing the same thing 2 stalls down.” “Suddenly, just as I’m finishing up actually going and I’m about to reach for the toilet paper, I hear someone else come in,” the articulate junior explains, “I was expecting next to hear a stall door closing and I was surprised when I didn’t hear that.” Carly, another bright and articulate junior beauty, echoes her classmate’s statement. “I had been on the toilet for a while, sir,” she says, “I had been constipated a bit and my stomach had been hurting a little -- I was sitting there enjoying the feeling of relief having had a bowel movement.” “In all honesty, sir, at that point, I really wasn’t paying much attention to what anyone else was doing,” Carly says. Blossom then tells us that she, of course, then wiped herself, flushed the toilet, and pulled up her pants. “When I came out of the stall, I saw Corrine there leaning against a sink and smoking her cigarette,” Blossom then continues, “I was more than a little surprised to see that but it certainly explains why I didn’t hear a stall door close when she came in.” “And that’s when I heard Blossom confront Corrine about smoking in there,” Carly then says, “Blossom told her that smoking was not allowed in there and that she should put the cigarette out.” Blossom then tells us that Corrine just ignored that request. “She just looked at me, shrugged her shoulders and went right on smoking,” the articulate blonde beauty reports. Carly concurs with that. “By the time I was done and coming out of the stall, Corrine was finishing up her cigarette,” Carly tells us, “I saw her put it out in the sink and then throw the butt away in the garbage can.” Both girls then confirm that Corrine left the girls’ room without using the toilet. I thank Blossom and Carly for their diligence in bringing this matter before the TVPC.

Turning now to Corrine, I note that she has entered a plea of “Not Guilty” to the “Smoking in the Girls’ Room” charge. “Are you going to stick with that, Corrine,” I ask the junior brunette, “You’re not really going to accuse Blossom and Carly of lying about this, are you?” “I thought that perhaps you might want to just admit what you did, say you’re sorry, and plead with me for a lighter punishment.” Thinking carefully for a moment, Corrine does just that. Pleading “Guilty” she promises never to smoke in the girls’ room again. She actually seems sincere and it would be easy to believe her had she not been caught smoking in the girls’ room twice last year -- the second time costing her 2 weeks on toilet suspension.

Looking over, I see that Blossom has her hand raised, requesting permission to speak. I, of course, grant her permission to do so. She first asks if it’s appropriate that she and Carly address the TVPC as to Corrine’s punishment. “It most certainly is,” I tell the friendly and likeable honor student, “In fact, I think the TVPC would be very interested in hearing what you both have to say regarding her punishment.” Blossom then suggests that Corrine be placed on toilet suspension for this. “Maybe not the maximum time on toilet suspension or anything like that,” she suggests, “But I definitely think she deserves at least SOME time on toilet suspension.” “Cigarette smoke is disgusting,” she says, “Smoking makes the bathroom smell like smoke and it makes you want to avoid going in there.”

Corrine looks puzzled at hearing Blossom’s suggestion -- puzzled and more than a little worried. Apparently, she thought she couldn’t be placed on toilet suspension for this. “I thought it was only smoking a second time that got you placed on toilet suspension,” she says, “Last year I didn’t get a toilet suspension for a first offense -- only my second.” But I set her straight on the rules. “A toilet suspension is only MANDATORY for a second offense smoking in the girls’ room,” I tell her, “But it is OPTIONAL for even a first offense.” “I don’t normally impose a toilet suspension for a first offense of the school year,” I explain, “But I’m certainly willing to make an exception when it’s warranted.” Not surprisingly, Corrine’s demeanor changes a bit and she’s now begging me not to put her on toilet suspension. “Please sir -- I’ll do anything,” she pleads, “Please don’t make go to the bathroom in my pants.” “Quite frankly, you should have thought of that before you smoked in the girls’ room,” I lecture her, “If you want to be assured of being allowed to use the girls’ room in school, then you’d better learn not to smoke in there.”

Turning now to Carly, she echoes what Blossom told us before. “Maybe not a long toilet suspension this time, but I definitely think she should get at least a little time on toilet suspension,” she says. “Smoking in the girls’ room is disgusting,” the pretty brunette continues, “I think girls need to be taught a lesson the first time they get caught smoking in the girls’ room.” “And it isn’t even her first time, really,” Blossom then chimes in, “She got caught smoking twice last year.” “I know you’re not supposed to count what happened last year,” the articulate junior beauty acknowledges, “But she still did it and apparently she didn’t do it a 3rd time after she spent 2 weeks on toilet suspension for her 2nd time.” “I just can’t stand the smell of cigarettes in the girls’ room,” Carly chimes back in, “Cigarettes make the girls’ room smell a lot worse that anything else that happens in there.” “Smoking really makes the girls’ rooms nasty to use,” she continues, “I know a lot of girls who don’t like using the bathrooms because of cigarette smoke and girls smoking in there.” “I know putting a girl on toilet suspension and making her go to the bathroom in her pants is a very serious punishment,” Blossom then says, “But quite frankly, I care more about girls who go in their pants because they don’t want to use the bathrooms with girls smoking in there.”

All things considered, Blossom and Carly make an interesting argument. I thank them again for bringing this case and for their comments. Though I don’t normally impose a toilet suspension for the first smoking in the girls’ room offense of the school year, it’s more than apparent to me that Corrine didn’t consider that she faced a toilet suspension when she decided to smoke in the girls’ room. In essence, she seems to have thought she got a “free one” before getting placed on toilet suspension like she got last year. Well, I intend to disabuse her of that notion.

I first sentence her to write, “I will not smoke in the girls’ room in school again” 500 times and to serve 1 week in detention. But then I drop the bombshell. “And I’m also sentencing you to 1 week on toilet suspension,” I tell her and note for the record, “For 1 week, you will not use any school bathroom for any reason.” Taking a moment to let it sink in with Corrine (and giving TVPC staffers a moment to place the dreaded red wristband on her wrist), Corrine is understandably horrified at the prospect of a toilet suspension. She begs me for a reprieve but I stop her. “You knew that smoking wasn’t allowed in the girls’ room and you did it anyway,” I point out, “You’d even been on toilet suspension before for smoking in the girls’ room, but you still did it again.” “I think it’s safe to say that you put YOURSELF on toilet suspension,” I tell her. About the only consideration I give her is that I postpone her serving her week of detention until after she’s done with her week on toilet suspension. That way, at least she won’t have a longer school day on days when she’s not allowed to use the girls’ room in school. She starts to plead some more for a reprieve -- “I’ll do anything, sir,” she pleads -- but I’m not hearing it. “Be glad it’s only 1 week on toilet suspension,” I tell her angrily, “I could have actually sentenced you to 2 weeks for this.” “Next case, please!” I note as I bang my gavel.

The last item on the agenda is a bit of committee business. For this, I call before the TVPC a friendly freshman brunette named Samantha. Last Monday, in celebration of her friend’s birthday, Samantha took a bunch of toilet paper from the girls’ room and decorated her friend’s locker and her desk in homeroom. That is, of course, a violation of TVPC rules as girls may only use toilet paper for necessary wiping after they use the toilet. Later that day, Samantha was brought before the TVPC where she apologized for what she did, pleaded “Guilty” to “Wasting Toilet Paper” and asked us to please “GIMME A BREAK” as to her punishment. It was her first offense and not a serious offense so her punishment was light.

The next day, the outgoing, tomboyish freshman cutie served an hour of detention where she had to restock the toilet paper in the school girls’ rooms. She was also assigned to write a 1,000 word essay entitled “Why I Shouldn’t Waste Toilet Paper.” Thus far, she has yet to hand in that 1,000 word essay. As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, girls have one week in which to complete a written punishment assignment. Accordingly, Samantha is now being given one final chance to hand in her essay before the assignment will be considered late and it will be doubled to 2,000 words.

As the sweet and likable Samantha comes to the podium, I’m pleased to note that she has some papers in her hand. “Should I assume that’s your punishment essay in your hand, young lady?” I ask her. “Yes, sir,” she tells me, “I put the finishing touches on it in study hall today.” She explains that she had finished writing it 2 days ago but to decided to recopy it before handing it in. “My handwriting isn’t too good sometimes, sir,” she tells me, “I wanted to make sure that everything was perfect before I handed it in.” “That’s very commendable, Samantha,” I tell her. I then direct her to hand the essay to our TVPC clerk and she, of course, does so.

With that she thanks us for the leniency in the punishment she received last week. “I know you could have punished me worse for this, sir,” she tells me, “I want to thank you for going easy on me this time.” “Well, you seemed very contrite about what you did, Samantha,” I tell her, “But you got it right when you said that we went easy on you THIS TIME.” “If there’s a NEXT TIME, your punishment isn’t going to be so light,” I remind her. “NEXT TIME you may very well finding yourself restocking the toilet paper in every toilet in this whole school,” I warn her, “NEXT TIME you’ll find yourself bringing your own toilet paper from home if you want to wipe yourself at school.” “There won’t be a next time, sir,” she tells me assuredly, “I’ve learned my lesson this time.” Actually, I believe her.

So concludes another session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee.
Meeting adjourned at 4:18 PM.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Name: Samantha

TVPC Punishment Essay

Offense: Wasting Toilet Paper

Offense Date: October 1, 2018

Length: 1,000 Words

Due Date: October 8, 2018

I am writing this to apologize for wasting toilet paper in the girls’ room on Monday, October 1st. I am very sorry for wasting toilet paper. I must not waste toilet paper in the girls’ room because girls need to toilet paper to wipe themselves when they go to the bathroom. If girls waste toilet paper then there won’t be toilet paper in the girls’ room when girls need it. I use toilet paper to dry myself when I pee and I use a lot of toilet paper to clean myself when I poop. I do both bodily functions at school -- I usually pee at least twice a day in school -- and I often poop at school as well. So I guess I use quite a bit of toilet paper in school. That makes it all the more important that I don’t waste toilet paper. I know that I wouldn’t be very happy if there was no toilet paper in the girls’ room when I needed it. And I don’t think other girls in our school would be happy if there was no toilet paper in the girls’ room when they needed it as well. All of us girls in school need to use toilet paper and it was wrong of me to waste it like I did.

I really didn’t mean any harm in wasting toilet paper like I did. It was just that I wasn’t thinking about how important toilet paper is and I wasn’t thinking about the consequences of wasting it. I didn’t mean any harm in wasting it, but obviously there is harm if there’s not toilet paper in the stalls when girls need it. It was my friend’s NAME’s birthday and I guess I was just being a little silly. I took a bunch of toilet paper from the girls’ room -- the girls’ room in the wing with the Science classes -- and I used it to decorate her locker. And then I took some more toilet paper from the girls’ room and used it to decorate her chair in homeroom. As I said, I didn’t mean any harm -- I was just being silly. I don’t mean that as an excuse for what I did but just to explain it. I know now that it was wrong to waste toilet paper but I just wasn’t thinking about that then. I also don’t think I wasted a lot of toilet paper but obviously I shouldn’t be wasting ANY toilet paper.

I need to learn that toilet paper is there in the girls’ rooms for only one purpose and that is for girls to use to wipe themselves with after they use the toilet. I need to learn that it shouldn’t be used for other purposes like taking the toilet paper and using it for decoration. It needs to be saved and only used for us wiping ourselves after we use the toilet. If we use toilet paper for wasteful, unnecessary things, it might not be there when we need it for necessary wiping purposes. As I said, I like to dry myself when I pee. I want to have toilet paper in the girls’ room so I can dry myself when I pee. I think just about every girl in this school like to use toilet paper when they pee. If we don’t have toilet paper to dry ourselves when we pee, we either have to find tissues or something else to use or not wipe at all. Sometimes we can’t find anything else -- or sometimes we don’t think about that and find ourselves stuck on the toilet without anything to wipe with. Then we just have to drip dry and that’s really not good at all. When I have to drip dry, my panties usually get wet a little bit and it feels uncomfortable like when you dribble a little bit of pee in your panties.

But not having toilet paper to with when I pee isn’t the worst of it. The worst is when you have to go the other way and there’s no toilet paper. Whereas, we can drip dry if we really have to -- it’s not good but we can -- we really, really, really need to have toilet paper when we poop. I use a lot of toilet paper when I poop and I’d be really upset if I had to poop here at school and there was no toilet paper in the girls’ room. I don’t think I could even poop at all if there was not toilet paper in there. I can’t imagine how bad it would feel not to be able to wipe myself after I poop. It would be terrible to have all that poop residue on my butt -- especially if it’s a soft and messy poop -- and I know you can get a lot of poop in your panties from not wiping. You can get poop stains in your panties just from not wiping thoroughly enough. I’d have to think you could get really bad poop stains -- like the kind you get from actually pooping in your pants -- if you don’t even wipe at all. That’s why I really want there to be toilet paper in the girls’ room when I need it.

So what I’m saying is that toilet paper is really important and that I am very sorry for wasting it. I promise that I will never waste toilet paper again. From now on, I will only use toilet paper for it’s intended purpose and that is to wipe myself after I go pee or after I go poop. Hopefully, then there will always be toilet paper in the girls’ room when I and other girls need it. In addition to this punishment essay, I also had to spend an hour after school re-filling the toilet paper in the girls’ rooms. I realize that if I waste toilet paper again, I am subject to more punishment including a longer punishment essay to write and more time refilling the toilet paper in the girls’ room stalls. With any further wasting of toilet paper I will be barred from using any school toilet paper and will instead have to bring my own toilet paper from home. I could also be given other punishments by the TVPC. But I have learned my lesson and I will never waste toilet paper agai

[spandexman]

Love Grace

I can only imagine the size of Grace's bowel movements. She is my BM dream girl. Thanks for sharing your reports with us.