Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

[Arnold Ziffel]

Welcome to a session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.

My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of Tuesday, November 20, 2018.

Before moving on to toilet violation cases, I must check with our TVPC clerk. He confirms for me that we had 2 separate incidents today of a clogged toilet in a faculty bathroom. One of the clogged toilets was the one in the coaches’ office in the girls’ locker room -- that toilet clogged with an enormous bowel movement and only one wipe of toilet paper. The other clogged toilet was the one in the librarian’s office bathroom in the school library -- a bathroom heavily used by our female teachers and staff members. That one was clogged with just an enormous amount of used toilet paper. Mrs. Buchman, who has been assigned by the TVPC to lead an investigation into that matter, has described the amount of toilet paper involved equivalent to what might be necessary for a girl to clean herself after having an accident.

Mrs. Adler, a new member of the TVPC, looks a little surprised to hear of these clogged toilets. “They were in faculty bathrooms?” she asks, “Has this ever happened before?” “Well, we have had clogged toilets in faculty bathrooms before,” I tell her, “But I think this is the first time we’ve ever had 2 such clogged toilets in the same day.” Mrs. Adler is also surprised that the TVPC has been forced to launch investigations into these matters. “You’d think that faculty members would just come forward and admit that they clogged the toilet,” she says. “Given that the TVPC doesn’t punish faculty and staff members for toilet matters,” she argues, “Why wouldn’t they just come forward and report what happened so that we can get the toilet unclogged and back in operation.” “Exactly!” I tell Mrs. Adler, “I think most teachers and staff members would definitely just report the clogged toilet.” “That’s exactly why we are investigating both of these matter closely,” I explain, “It could very well have been students who snuck in there and caused either or both of these clogs.” Mrs. Adler than nods her head that she understands. “And wouldn’t that be grounds for putting a girl on toilet suspension?” the new committeewoman then asks. “Yes it would,” I tell her, “Clogging a toilet that you shouldn’t have been using in the first place is most certainly going to get a girl a toilet suspension.”

Turning again to our TVPC clerk, I am disappointed to learn that as of yet, we have no suspects in the clogging of either of those toilets. As I noted, Mrs. Buchman, a very pretty, blonde-haired English teacher, has been assigned to investigate the clogged toilet in the library bathroom. Miss Bliss, a pretty and popular History and Civics teacher, is investigating the clogged toilet in the girls’ coaches’ office bathroom. But I note that neither of them is here to report the results of that investigation nor has either filed any reports with our TVPC clerk.

Accordingly, we’ll move on with cases on our TVPC agenda for today.

Our first case is actually a holdover from the past Saturday -- specifically, a matter from Saturday detention last Saturday. Veronica, a very pretty senior brunette -- who attends high school here even though she lives in the nearby RIVERDALE high school district -- is charged with soiling her panties during that 4-hour detention session. She was originally given the detention for smoking behind the garbage dumpsters in back of the school last week. As this was not a violation for smoking in the girls’ room, it was a matter not for the TVPC but for the school principal. But her toilet behavior during that detention -- including, most obviously, soiling her panties -- is most certainly a matter for the TVPC. Apparently, she was home sick from school on Monday, so we had to carry over this case to today.

“I did it -- I soiled my panties,” Veronica rather frankly tells us, “I did the mess and now I guess I have to get punished for doing it.” I note that this would be her first accident of the school year (her first accident offense since her sophomore year) but since she has 2 other toilet offenses (loitering in the girls’ room and leaving the toilet unflushed after urinating), she is not entitled to be let off with just a warning for this. “I did it -- I messed in my panties,” she reiterates, “What can I say except that I’m guilty.” Not being prone to accident violations in high school (only a prior soiling and a prior wetting her freshman year as well as a soiling her sophomore year being her only priors in that regard), I’m quite frankly surprised at her having an accident now. And, quite frankly, I would think she’d be a bit more upset about it than she appears to be. Of course, I ask her about that.

“Well, what else can I say, sir, except that I did it,” she says again, “I messed in my panties, I plead ‘Guilty’ to doing it, and I’m ready to get my punishment.” “It happened, sir,” the outgoing brunette explains, “I’m certainly ashamed of myself for having an accident, but there isn’t much I can do it now.” “I went home and cleaned myself up,” she explains further, “And then I cleaned out my soiled panties.” “And now, I just want to get my punishment done and get this whole thing all over with,” she adds.

Miss Robinson, a young and pretty Science teacher, was in charge of the detention this past Saturday. She tells us that she put the students in detention that morning to work cleaning the school cafeteria. As faithful readers of the TVPC may or may not know, the teacher in charge of detention on a particular Saturday decides what those in Saturday Detention will be doing for the 4 hours. Some teachers give them writing assignments or extra homework to do, others simply allow them to do existing homework like a study hall. Still others (like Miss Robinson) put them to work around the school. About the only thing the teacher can’t do is assign them to clean the bathrooms. Bathroom-cleaning punishment is, of course, strictly the province of the TVPC. As noted, Miss Robinson put them to work last Saturday morning in the school cafeteria.
“I don’t know that Veronica’s problem was, Mr. Chairman,” Miss Robinson then tells me, “I gave them the usual bathroom break at the halfway point.” As faithful readers of the TVPC surely do know, Saturday detention has a built in bathroom break scheduled right in the middle of the 4 hours. “They all got their 10 minute break and I saw that they all went to the bathroom,” Miss Robinson tells us. “Well, at least they all went INTO the bathroom,” she then clarifies, “I guess I can’t really say for sure who actually used the toilet once they were in there.” “Veronica apparently didn’t,” she then adds, glaring at the senior beauty in the process.

Veronica, though, apparently take exception to that comment. “I did use the toilet -- I had to pee really bad,” she angrily snaps back at the pretty Science teacher, “It was gross in there but I still peed.” “Well apparently, peeing in there wasn’t the only thing you needed to do,” Miss Robinson answers that, “If that was the case, you wouldn’t have messed in your panties less than 2 hours later.” “If you had let us use a decent bathroom, it wouldn’t have even been an issue,” Veronica then argues, “If you’d have let us use a bathroom with doors on the stalls, I could have gone both ways instead of only peeing.” Cutting through to the gist of the matter, it seems that Miss Robinson gave them their bathroom break in the Basement Girls’ Room -- a girls’ room where none of the stalls have doors on them. “I’m sorry but peeing in there with those kinds of stalls was bad enough,” Veronica argues, “I can’t go the other way when people can look right into the stall and see me on the toilet.” “Well, that’s YOUR problem, not mine,” Miss Robinson argues right back. “You had an ample opportunity to use the toilet during detention,” she tells the girl, “And that was a toilet where you could have obviously gone both ways if you needed to.” “If you’d rather do a bowel movement in your pants than doing it there, that’s entirely up to you,” she tells the girl, “But obviously that doesn’t come without some very disgusting and shameful consequences.”

Taking a breath to maintain her composure, Veronica argues that it was just mean and cruel to make them use the Basement Girls’ Room for their bathroom break. “We were working in the cafeteria the whole time in detention,” she points out, “And there’s obviously bathrooms right there across from the cafeteria.” “I mean, that bathroom isn’t the greatest,” she argues, “But at least there are doors on the stalls for privacy - at least you can do whatever you need to do in those toilets if you really have to.” But Miss Robinson argues right back. “No one else seemed to have a problem with that bathroom,” she tells Veronica, “At least no one else had a big enough problem that they’d go in their pants instead.” “Well, no one else had to go #2,” the outspoken brunette then argues back, “At least none of the other GIRLS had to go #2.” “I can’t speak for the boys,” she tells us, “But I can tell you for a fact that no girl went #2 in that bathroom during detention.” “There was no reason why we shouldn’t have been able to use the toilets right by the cafeteria,” she insists, “It was just mean and cruel to make us go down the hall to use the worst toilets in the whole school.” Not surprisingly, Miss Robinson has an answer to that as well. “It’s detention -- It’s a punishment,” the young and pretty Science Teacher points out, “It’s supposed to be unpleasant -- You’re supposed to not like it.” “If you don’t like having to use those bathrooms then maybe you should make sure you don’t get Saturday Detention again,” the strict Science Teacher suggests, “Maybe you’ll think about that the next time you want to light up a cigarette in school.” “Of course YOU never used the doorless toilets,” Veronica then argues back at Miss Robinson, “You went all the way upstairs to go to the bathroom.” “Well, I wasn’t being punished,” Miss Robinson snaps right back, “I wasn’t in Saturday Detention for smoking in school like you were.”

With that I grab my gavel and bang it. “That’s enough from you,” I tell Veronica. The whole matter does make a lot more sense now, but I’m still a bit puzzled. “Look, I understand that it may not be pleasant to use a toilet -- especially for #2 -- with no door on the stall,” I question the senior, “But still, I’d think you’d find that preferable to messing in your panties.” Thinking for a moment, Veronica then admits that it’s true. “Yeah, I would have rather used that toilet than mess in my panties,” she acknowledges. “I mean, whatever the toilet situation was, it’s gotta be better than messing in my panties -- I mean, ANYthing has got to be better than messing in my panties.” “It’s just that I never thought it would come to having an accident,” she explains, “I though I could just hold it in until detention was over and then just go use a different bathroom.” “I was wrong, sir,” she tells me, “But I definitely won’t make that mistake again.”

Finally getting to the matter of the girl’s punishment, Miss Robinson argues that Veronica should get the maximum allowed under TVPC rules. But that’s just silly. This is a simple panty-soiling case and it’s Veronica’s first such offense of the school year. For punishment she’ll merely have to serve an hour of detention and write, “I will not soil my panties in school again” 100 times.

Moving on to cases from today, I first call the name of Libby, a raven-haired cheerleader. She’s a pretty girl to be sure, but also quite the drama queen and she’s got a bit of a nasty streak in her as well. Consequently, I’m not really surprised to see that she’s charged with “Bathroom-Related Teasing.” Specifically, she is charged with teasing someone over a panty-soiling accident. Faithful readers of the TVPC surely know that while panty-soiling accidents are punishable offenses under TVPC regulations, it’s not the place of other students to tease or harass girls who’ve had accidents. And I’m sorry to say that Libby has done this before. Fortunately for her, that was last year and doesn’t count against her now. But, as I’ve noted, this pretty junior does have a nasty streak in her and this doesn’t surprise me at all.

But as I read the Violation Report filed in this case, I am most surprised to learn that Libby is not charge with teasing a fellow student of a panty-soiling accident, but with teasing a teacher. As I read the Violation Report filed by Miss Spellman -- a very pretty, blonde-haired Math teacher -- I’m quite shocked to see that Libby is charged with teasing Miss Spellman herself. “Libby was teasing YOU?” I ask Miss Spellman incredulously, “You’re the one who had the soiling accident and she was teasing YOU about that.” “Yes sir, it was me,” Miss Spellman admits, looking down at the floor, not exactly proud of herself for having an accident.

Looking over at Libby, on the other hand, the pretty redheaded junior, seems quite pleased with herself. She is standing there at the podium grinning from ear to ear. “With all the times she punished me for going in my pants, no way am I going to let this go,” Libby tells us, “With all that Miss Spellman has said about me having accidents, there’s just no way I’m not going to say something about her having an accident.” “I guess you’re not going to punish her for it because she’s a teacher,” Libby tells us, “But that certainly doesn’t mean that I’m going to let her off easy.” With that, I quickly grab my gavel and angrily bang it at Libby. “That’s quite enough, young lady -- that’s more than enough,” I angrily tell her, “I will not have you talking about a teacher that way.” “It’s bad enough to tease another student about an accident,” I lecture Libby, “It’s even worse when you do it to a teacher.” The implication, of course, is that the punishment for bathroom-related teasing of a teacher is going to worse than the same for a student -- especially when she’s not showing any remorse whatsoever.

Libby, though, doesn’t fazed by that. “I don’t care -- Punish me if you have to,” Libby continues, “I’m not passing up a chance like this with Miss Spellman.” “I consider it even worse for a teacher to have an accident than a student,” the pretty, raven-haired cheerleader argues, “I consider it a whole lot worse when a teacher messes in her pants than when a girl does it.” In continuing her rant, Libby then starts telling us about the times that Miss Spellman punished her for her accidents. The implication, of course, is that now it’s Libby’s turn to get at least some matter of revenge. It’s not exactly getting Miss Spellman punished for it, but apparently she thinks she can at least make it more embarrassing for the teacher. “I’m not passing up a chance like this -- no way!” Libby reiterates, this time directing her comments to Miss Spellman herself, “There’s just no way.” “It’s not only lines and detentions that I had to do because of you,” Libby rants on at the pretty Math teacher, “But you got me put on toilet suspension for one of my accidents and you made me have to clean toilets, too.” “Do you have any idea how disgusting that was,” Libby asks her, obviously rhetorically, “I was having to go in my pants in school and then having to scrub disgusting toilets in detention.”

With that, I reach for my gavel again, but before I can actually bang it, Miss Spellman chimes in. “You got yourself placed on toilet suspension, Libby,” she tells the girl, “That was all your own doing, young lady.” “And it wasn’t exactly for messing in your panties, either -- You don’t get placed on toilet suspension for that,” Miss Spellman points out to her, “That was for trying to hide your messy panties in the girls’ room.” “And, as for having to scrub all those toilets clean,” she reminds Libby, “As I recall, that was actually for messing on the toilet seat when you sat down to pee with the mess smeared on your backside.” Libby, of course, already knew all that, but it was indeed a pleasure to watch Miss Spellman put the arrogant drama queen -- who somehow always seems to have a problem with Miss Spellman -- in her place like that. I mean, Miss Spellman is generally regarded as one of the nicest teachers in the whole school but for some reason she and Libby have never seemed to hit it off.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

“Well, I still think it’s worse for a teacher to mess in her panties than a student,” Libby lashes out again at Miss Spellman, “I think it’s a LOT worse when a teacher does it.” “I mean, you get to use the faculty bathrooms while we’re stuck using the student ones,” Libby points out, “And we both know that they’re a lot nicer than the student ones.” “How do you have an accident when you have nice bathrooms like those to use?” Libby asks her, “I think you should get punished double when you have faculty bathrooms to use and you still go in your pants.”

“But that’s just it,” the pretty Miss Spellman argues back, “I didn’t actually have a faculty bathroom to use this time.” The comment causes a bit of a double-take amongst the members of the TVPC. Miss Spellman certainly doesn’t have to explain herself regarding this accident -- as faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, teachers and staff members are not usually subject to punishments from the TVPC -- but apparently she feels it necessary to do so. Perhaps she’s thinking that providing some sort of explanation will ease the shame she’s feeling about soiling her panties in school today. The pretty Math teacher goes on to explain that she suddenly got the urge to go while teaching 5th period Algebra earlier today. “It came on kind of sudden during class,” Miss Spellman tells us, “I was able to hold it in until the end of class but by then I did have to go kind of bad.” She tells us that she then made her way to the school library to use the librarian’s office bathroom. She explains that’s the bathroom she typically uses when she has to go “that way” in school. “A lot of times if I just have to pee, I’ll just duck into the nearest girls’ room and do it there,” she explains, “But when it’s having to go the other way, I usually take the extra effort to go to the faculty bathroom in the library.”

“But when I got there, there was already a long line to use it,” Miss Spellman explains further, “Mrs. Duncan, Mrs. Defequer, and Miss Johnson were already in line ahead of me and whomever was in there already was taking forever.” She tells us that she waited in line there for a while but whoever was in there was “taking forever” and that the line wasn’t moving at all. “Pretty soon, I realized that I really had a problem -- I realized that I wasn‘t going to be able to hold it in much longer,” Miss Spellman continues, “Pretty soon I realized that at the rate this was going, I wasn’t going to make it.” “I knew I had to go somewhere else fast and the nearest bathroom was the girls’ room down the hall,” she explains, “As I said before, I usually don’t like going #2 in the student bathrooms, but desperate times calls for desperate measures and now I was really desperate.” “Obviously, I’d rather do it in the toilet there than do it in my pants,” she continues, “But unfortunately, it didn’t quite work out that way.” “I got to about the girls’ room entrance and then my bowels just gave way,” the pretty blonde tells us ashamedly, “I guess I had just waited too long and no matter what I did there was just no way to hold it in for another second.” “It all just came out in my panties,” Miss Spellman explains, “All I could do was stand there in the entrance to the girls’ room while my bowels just emptied it all out into my panties.”

“I’m just so sorry, Mr. Chairman,” she tells me almost crying, “I know it sets a poor example for the girls when a teacher messes in her panties, but I just couldn’t help it.” “I tried to hold it in -- I tried really hard to hold it in,” she says, “I tried to get to the girls’ room but I just couldn’t make it in time.” She goes on to explain that after it happened right there in the doorway to the girls’ room, she continued into the girls’ room and into a stall. “It was kind of a big load but luckily it wasn’t all that messy,” Miss Spellman explains, “And I guess I was pretty lucky that it happened right there in the girls’ room.” “I mean, I didn’t feel lucky about it but if it’s going to happen I guess it’s best that it happen there in the bathroom,” she clarifies, “At least there I could get into a stall pretty quickly.” “Once in the stall, I quickly went about trying to clean it up,” she continues, “Taking my panties off, I was actually able to just dump most of the load out into the toilet.” “If it wasn’t for Libby I think I might have been able to get myself cleaned up without anyone finding out,” the popular Math Teacher explains further, “I still had a lot of wiping ahead of me to get my backside cleaned up, but as I said, cleaning my panties wasn’t all that bad.” “But I think Libby must of noticed under the stall door or something that I had taken my panties off,” Miss Spellman speculates, “And even if she didn’t actually notice the mess in the panties at the time, she no doubt knew that something was wrong.” “I guess she figured it out, Mr. Chairman,” Miss Spellman tells me, “And then she announced it to the whole bathroom that I’d messed in my pants.” “After that, she stood right outside my stall door and teased me about it,” she tells me further, “And all this while I was stuck in there for the long haul wiping my messed bottom with the toilet paper.”

Looking over again at Libby, she looks quite amused at hearing Miss Spellman’s story. “Shame on You, Shame on You,” she mocks the embarrassed Math teacher, “Don’t you think you’re a little too old to still be messing in your panties like that.” As I glance angrily at Libby, it’s rather clear that the redheaded junior beauty still doesn’t get it. “Well, that’s what she’d say to me if I’d messed in my panties,” Libby argues, laughing, “I think turnabout is fair play, don’t you?” But I am not amused. “You’re going to find yourself charged with a second count of ’Bathroom-Related Teasing’ if you’re not careful, young lady,” I warn her, getting more to the point, “And that would, of course, be grounds for another AND MORE SEVERE punishment.”

“I don’t care -- I don’t care,” Libby angrily tells me, “I don’t care about that!” “I’m tired of getting lectured by Miss Spellman about my accidents,” she tells us, “After all the times, she’s punished me for that, I’m just not letting this go.” “You can give me all the lines and detentions you want -- I don’t care,” Libby tells me, “I’m not about to let Miss Spellman forget this.” “I’m thinking more in terms of a toilet suspension,” Mrs. Adler, a new member of the TVPC, chimes in angrily, “I don’t think lines and detentions are going to cut it in this case.” That suddenly -- FINALLY -- seems to get Libby’s attention. “Definitely!” I then tell Libby, “If I have to charge you with another count of teasing, you’re definitely looking at a toilet suspension, young lady.” “I was thinking a toilet suspension for the first violation,” Mrs. Adler argues, “I was thinking she deserves a toilet suspension for what she’s done already.” Libby’s been on toilet suspension before -- as previously noted, for trying to hide soiled panties in the girls’ room last year -- and obviously that’s not something she wants to go through again. Hearing the threat of that suddenly brings about a change in Libby’s attitude. Lines and detentions are apparently one thing but a toilet suspension is apparently another thing entirely.

Moving on to the determination of Libby’s punishment, Mrs. Adler does argue for a toilet suspension. It’s a noble sentiment to be sure -- Miss Spellman is a very popular teacher and I doubt anyone would feel sorry for Libby if she got put on toilet suspension for teasing her. But I’m not sure it’s quite warranted in this case. A toilet suspension, of course, is quite a severe punishment and should be assigned only for the most egregious offenses. “Are you quite through, Libby?” I ask her, “Have we heard the end of your teasing and harassing of Miss Spellman?” “Yes, sir,” Libby tells me, now suddenly a bit more contrite and serious now that her privilege to use school toilets is hanging in the balance. With that, I have to conclude that a toilet suspension is simply unwarranted in this case. As serious as it may be to tease a faculty member about an accident, it’s still only a first offense and doesn’t quite rise to the level of a toilet suspension. “It’s close,” I tell Mrs. Adler, “Although more for Libby’s benefit than hers, “But I really don’t think she’s quite done enough to lose her toilet privileges.” In a final vote, the TVPC votes 4-1 (with Mrs. Adler dissenting) NOT to sentence Libby to a toilet suspension.

But that’s certainly not to say that Libby won’t be punished -- and punished quite severely -- for this. Normally, a violation such as this warrants an apology to be written to the victim of the teasing. But I’m not going to bother with that in Libby’s case. Knowing her and her attitude, I think she might take it as an opportunity to relive the details of Miss Spellman’s accident and might actually enjoy it. Instead, I sentence her to write “I will not tease anyone over an accident or other bathroom-related matter again” 1,000 times. “And that will be 1,000 times on the blackboard after school,” I stipulate, “And you’ll do it while wearing a sign on your back indicating your crime.” Libby reacts in horror at hearing that. It’s not only 1,000 times when she was probably expecting 500 times, but it’s 1,000 times on the blackboard. Writing on the blackboard is, of course, considerably harder than writing on paper. But Mrs. Adler, on the hand, seems quite happy with that. It may not be a toilet suspension like she wanted, but it’ll no doubt be a punishment that Libby will remember for quite a long time. Miss Spellman also seems quite satisfied with Libby’s punishment. Libby starts to argue for a lesser punishment, but I quickly put up my hand to stop her. “I don’t want to hear it,” I angrily tell her, “You deserve every bit of this punishment and this punishment is what you’re going to have to do.” “I can still put you on toilet suspension if you’d prefer that,” I also tell her. Wisely, she heeds the warning and has nothing further to say.

Just as we were deciding our prior case, I happened to note that Miss Bliss had entered the committee room and filed paperwork with our TVPC clerk. And just now as I’m noting that, I see Mrs. Buchman enter as well. Hopefully, this signals some resolution to the investigations into the clogged toilets in the faculty ladies’ rooms. Checking with Miss Bliss first, she tells me that she has indeed charged someone with clogging the coaches’ office toilet in the girls’ locker room. Checking with Mrs. Buchman, however, she indicates that her investigation is still ongoing. “I’ve got some leads and some others to question,” the pretty English teacher tells us, “But I haven’t yet found the guilty party.” She is, of course, leading the investigation into the clogging of the Librarian’s office toilet. “Lucy is my case,” Mrs. Buchman adds, pointing to a shy and quiet sophomore sitting along “Defendants’ Row -- apparently with a mess in her pants. The point, of course, is that Mrs. Buchman is here in relation to her Violation Report against Lucy rather than with the results of her investigation.

Turning now to Miss Bliss, I direct her to the podium as our TVPC clerk provides copies of the Violation Report she filed in this matter to myself and the other members of the TVPC. As the kindly History and Civics teachers comes forward, I also note Miss Musso, a gym teacher and our cheerleading coach, coming forward. Looking down at the Violation Report filed by Miss Bliss, I see that it’s Miss Musso who has been charged with clogging the toilet in the coaches’ office bathroom in the girls’ locker room. As we saw in Miss Spellman’s case, teachers aren’t normally liable to punishments from the TVPC. But Miss Musso -- Coach Musso -- is a special case. She has, via an agreement with the TVPC -- an agreement that she had to make in order to remain as Cheerleading coach -- allowed herself to be subject to TVPC rules and liable to TVPC punishments. Accordingly, Miss Musso now stands before the TVPC -- in her trademark red spandex sweatsuit -- charged with clogging that toilet. Specifically, she’s charged with a Category #2 clogging -- that is, a clogging with both a bowel movement and toilet paper -- even though it’s pretty much the bowel movement itself that caused the clog. But the sexy gym teacher and Cheerleading Coach denies that she did it. “I just didn’t,” she says, “I just didn’t clog it.”

“I’m sorry, Grace,” Miss Bliss tells her friend and colleague, “I really want to believe you didn’t do it, but I’m afraid the evidence really does point to you.” The pretty Social Studies teacher tells us that we do know that Miss Musso did a bowel movement in school today and we know she did it about the same time that that particular toilet wound up clogged.” Miss Bliss has brought Miss Mars, a fellow gym teacher, here to address that specific point. “We were teaching 5th period in the gym and Grace kept saying how bad she had to go,” Miss Mars tells us, “And just as soon as class was over, I saw her making a bee-line for the coaches’ office.” “And she had also told me earlier today what a big dinner she had last night,” the gorgeous blonde-haired Miss Mars continues, “That probably accounts for the size of the bowel movement and how it clogged the toilet.” “It’s not like you haven’t clogged toilets with bowel movements like this before,” Miss Bliss then reminds Miss Musso. “The sheer size of that bowel movement kind of narrows it down a little bit, Grace,” Miss Bliss argues, “There’s not many of us who can do a bowel movement like that.” Miss Mars then points out that she went to use that bathroom herself right after supervising the locker room while the girls were changing after gym class. “That was less than 10 minutes after Grace -- I mean, Miss Musso -- went in there,” Miss Mars explains, “And that’s when I found the toilet clogged.” “Clogged with that huge bowel movement and the one wipe of toilet paper like the report said,” she adds. “I’m sorry, Grace,” she tells her close friend, “I didn’t want it to be you, either, but I’m just going by the facts of what I saw and what you told me.” “I mean, no one is saying that you clogged it on purpose,” Miss Mars also tells her, “I doubt that it’s really going to be a bad punishment.”

That’s an excellent point from Miss Mars. “Yes, it’s only a Category #2 clog and it’s a very mild punishment for that,” I also point out to Miss Musso, “Obviously, we know that it was just a big bowel movement that you had and you didn’t clog it on purpose.” “Really, Grace, if you did it, it really would be best to just admit it and take your punishment,” I suggest, “You’d get a way worse punishment for lying about not doing it if you really did it.”

But the sexy, spandex-clad Miss Musso still vehemently denies that it was her who clogged the toilet. “I just didn’t do it,” Miss Musso reiterates, “I just didn’t clog it.” The sexy gym teacher does admit that she did a bowel movement at school today but claims that she never used the toilet in the coaches’ office today. But Miss Bliss and Miss Mars both react to that. “Miss Mars told me that she saw you make a dash for that bathroom after class today,” Miss Bliss reminds the spandex-clad gym teacher and coach, “She said that you had an emergency to go.” Miss Mars nods her head in agreement with that. Miss Musso admits that all that is true but claims that she never actually used the toilet in there. “When I got there, the toilet was already clogged,” she says, “Then I went upstairs and used the one in the librarian’s office instead.” The claim raises a few eyebrows in the committee room. “The toilet in the coaches’ office was already clogged when I got there,” she reiterates, “I didn’t use that toilet at all today.”

“And then you went upstairs and used another toilet that got clogged today?” asks Mrs. Crabtree, a member of the TVPC. Miss Musso confirms that she did. This again piques the interest of those here in the committee room -- including the members of the TVPC. “Perhaps it was the toilet upstairs -- the toilet in the librarian’s office -- that she clogged instead,” Mrs. Crabtree suggests. But Mrs. Buchman -- who is, of course, in charge of that investigation -- questions that. “This one wasn’t really someone clogging it with a big bowel movement that couldn’t be flushed down,” the pretty English teacher points out, “This one was likely a case of someone having an accident and then clogging the toilet with the toilet paper she used to clean herself up afterwards.”

But that, as Mrs. Crabtree quickly points out, doesn’t actually exonerate Miss Musso. “I think it may actually make for a better explanation,” Mrs. Crabtree argues, “Perhaps Miss Musso had an accident as she was hurrying upstairs and she ended up instead having to clean up her mess in the Librarian’s office bathroom.” “Perhaps she’s telling the truth about the Coaches’ office toilet already being clogged when she got there,” Mrs. Crabtree speculates, “And then instead of using one of the girls’ toilets in the locker room, she tried to make it to a faculty bathroom or even a different student bathroom.” “Perhaps she had an accident on the way,” the committee woman continues, “And then ended up clogging the toilet with toilet paper as she tried to clean up the mess in the librarian’s bathroom.”

Miss Musso, though, vehemently -- even more vehemently than with clogging the coaches’ office toilet -- denies that that is what happened. “I didn’t go in my pants -- I didn’t have an accident,” she says. “I haven’t had an accident all year -- I haven’t had an accident in school the past 2 years,” she claims.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

She seems quite sincere and I want to believe her -- I like Miss Musso and I really want her to put her toileting issues behind her -- but I’m just not sure. It’s only speculation but what Mrs. Crabtree is speculating does make a great deal of sense. As I think about this, I start to wonder about Miss Musso’s explanation. I wonder why -- considering that she was quite desperate to go and found the coaches’ office toilet clogged -- she’d come all the way upstairs to use the bathroom in the Librarian’s office. I mean, I understand why she wouldn’t want to use the student facilities in the girls’ locker room -- although, having an emergency as she did, she should have just used the nearest available toilet -- but there are other teachers’ facilities closer to the gymnasium than the private bathroom all the way upstairs in the librarian’s office. Of course, I ask Miss Musso about this.

“I don’t know, sir -- I just decided to go upstairs to that one,” Miss Musso explains -- if you can call that an explanation, “I just went to that bathroom -- I just did.” “I had to go and when I saw the one in the coaches’ office clogged, I just decided to go upstairs and use the one in the librarian‘s office,” she explains further, “It wasn’t like it was really an emergency -- I mean, I did really have to go, but it wasn’t like I couldn’t hold it in or anything like that.” “Really?” I ask her -- skepticism evident in my voice, “It wouldn’t be because the other faculty bathrooms have several stalls and therefore don’t have as much privacy as the one in the library?” “It wouldn’t be that that’s a single-user bathroom and therefore pretty much the perfect place to go when you have to clean yourself after having an accident?” I speculate. “Perhaps you’d already gone in your pants by the time gym class was over and before you got to the toilet in the coaches’ office,” I speculate further, “Perhaps that’s why you had to go all the way upstairs to the Librarian’s office bathroom -- Perhaps it was to do an accident clean-up all along.” Miss Musso, though, vehemently denies that it had anything to do with that. “I didn’t go in my pants, sir -- I just went to the bathroom,” she vehemently claims, “I just did it in the toilet like I’m supposed to.” “I just like using that bathroom, sir,” she tells me, “You said it yourself that it has more privacy than other faculty bathrooms where there are stalls.” “When I can’t use the one in the coaches’ office, I like to go in there,” Miss Musso says, “I like that it’s a single-user bathroom like the one in the coaches’ office.” “I use that one a lot,” she says, “It’s actually the 3rd day in a row, I’ve gone #2 in there.” “I just went to the bathroom, sir -- I just did it in the toilet like I’m supposed to,” she reiterates. “The toilet was just fine when I used it,” she claims, “It wasn’t clogged or anything -- I just went in the toilet and it all flushed down fine.” “I didn’t clog any toilet today -- I just went in the toilet in the librarian’s office and it all flushed down fine,” she repeats, “And I certainly didn’t go in my pants -- I swear I didn’t go in my pants.”

It’s a lot to consider and I must say there’s enough evidence to make a strong case against Miss Musso on either charge. But obviously, she can’t be guilty of both things. I mean, if she did go in her pants and then clogged the librarian’s office bathroom while cleaning herself with toilet paper, it’s doubtful she also dropped a massive, toilet-clogging bowel movement in the coaches’ office bathroom. Mrs. Crabtree and Mrs. Adler (no surprise there) vote to find her “Guilty” of soiling her panties and then clogging the librarian’s office toilet with toilet paper. Mrs. Karbopple and Ms. Umbridge, on the other hand, want to find her guilty of doing the massive bowel movement that clogged the toilet in the coaches’ office in the girls’ locker room. I, however, am not so sure of either.

Then turning to the sexy gym teacher and Cheerleading Coach, I note that even if we accept her account of what happened and find her “Not Guilty” on all charges, we still have a situation where she was holding it in when she badly need to go rather than using the available facilities right there in the girls’ locker room. “This concerns me,” I tell her, “This is how you end up having accidents in your pants -- This is how you got in this kind of situation with the TVPC monitoring your bathroom habits in the first place.” But the sexy, spandex-clad Miss Musso assures me that that’s not the case. “Look, I admit that I had to go kind of bad,” she acknowledges, “But it really wasn’t what I’d call an emergency.” “I was totally in control of what I needed to do, Mr. Chairman,” she assures me, “I really wasn’t risking an accident by going upstairs to the librarian’s bathroom.” She also details how good she’s been this year in getting to the toilet in time and avoiding accidents in her pants. “A couple of time I have had emergencies and I did use the girls’ facilities in the locker room,” she tells us, “And one of those times I even used the toilet with no door on the stall.” “And even at football games, I’ve been good this year,” she claims, “And that includes once doing it in a port-o-potty and another time doing it when there was no toilet paper left in the whole bathroom.” “I had to wipe myself with paper towels,” she adds, “And it was kind of a messy one that needed a lot of wiping -- especially with those things. “I went in the toilet today, sir, I swear,” she assures me again, “I went in the toilet in the librarian’s office bathroom and then flushed it away without any problems.”

As I’ve noted, there’s considerable evidence against her, but her pleas of innocence seem quite sincere to me. Accordingly, I’m just not convinced she’s guilty of either charge. The TVPC votes 3-2 to find her “Not Guilty” of the toilet clogging in the coaches’ office bathroom. And since she was never actually charged with clogging the other toilet (or the panty-soiling what perhaps preceded her doing that), no final vote on that is necessary. Still, I note for the record that it’s the opinion of the TVPC -- again by a 3-2 majority -- that she’s “Not Guilty” of that as well.

Before moving on to the next matter, however, Mrs. Karbopple has an issue to raise. “Did you say that you’ve now used the Librarian’s office bathroom three days in a row?” she asks Miss Musso, “And am I to take that to mean doing a bowel movement in there three days in a row?” Miss Musso answers “yes” on both accounts. Mrs. Karbopple then reminds us that Miss Musso is supposed to have only limited us of the faculty restrooms. As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, up until this year Miss Musso -- again as a consequence of her prior soiling accidents as Cheerleading coach and as a condition of her remaining as Cheerleading coach -- was restricted to using only student restrooms. This year, though, (in a matter discussed at the August 28th Special Session of the TVPC ) we eased up on those restrictions a bit. Mrs. Karbopple notes that but reminds Coach Musso, “The TVPC still did not give you unlimited access to the faculty bathrooms.” “Correct me if I’m wrong, Miss Musso,” she addresses the sexy spandex-clad gym teacher, “But aren’t you limited to one bowel movement in a faculty bathroom for every bowel movement you do in a student bathroom.” The question, of course, is that that being the case, how is it that she’s done bowel movements three days in a row in the faculty bathroom in the librarian’s office.

“Yes, I’d like an answer to that question, too,” I tell Miss Musso, as I thank Mrs. Karbopple for her diligence in noticing that. Miss Musso, though, explains that she’d had previously used the student girls’ rooms on multiple consecutives days, thereby “saving up” her opportunities to have bowel movements in the nicer, faculty facilities. “I’d used the student ones a bunch of times,” she tells us, “I like having a few of them in the bank so I can use the faculty ones when I need to.” She explains that she’d been trying to avoid the girls’ facilities in the girls’ locker room and instead going in the nicer student girls’ rooms upstairs in the Science Wing and up here on the 2nd Floor when she could.” “I saved up a bunch of those,” she explains, “So that way when I have an emergency I don’t get stuck having to use the toilets in the girls’ locker room and stuff like that.” “I actually still have 2 bowel movements left that I can do in the faculty bathrooms,” Miss Musso explains further, “I was up to 5 before, but with the 3 I’ve done the past three days I only have 2 left now.”

Once again, Miss Musso seems quite sincere, but obviously I can’t just take her word for it. “You were directed to keep records of all your toilet visits under this new system,” I remind the sexy gym teacher and cheerleading coach, “I think the TVPC is going to need to look at your records.” Checking Miss Musso’s records we see that there 26 school days in September and on 12 of those days, she did bowel movements in school -- 6 of them in student girls’ room and 6 in faculty bathrooms. She also notes that on 2 occasions, she did bowel movements in student girls’ rooms (one of which was a port-o-potty) at football games. “I think I should get double credit for that one,” she argues with a smile. In October, we had 28 school days and she had bowel movements in school on 14 of those days. But on one of those days -- specifically, October 23rd -- she records having done 3 bowel movements at school. “I don’t know that was going on that day, Mr. Chairman, “But my bowels were really working overtime.” I note that she did one in the girls’ room down by the gym before school at 7:45 AM, another in gym office faculty bathroom at 1:15 PM and another in the girls’ room down by the gym during cheerleading practice at 4:35 PM. And also in October we had another bowel movement at a football game (in a student bathroom) while she was serving as cheerleading coach. All totaled, in October we have 17 in school bowel movements -- 8 in student facilities and 7 in faculty ones. Moving on to the 14 school days (thus far) in November, we see 8 bowel movements in school (including one as Cheerleading Coach) of which 4 were done in a student bathroom and 4 (including her 3 most recent) were done in faculty facilities. “As I said before, I had a bunch of faculty bathroom uses saved up,“ she reiterates, “As you can see, I was using the student girls’ rooms a lot earlier this month.“ “Its’ just been the past 3 days that I’ve been utilizing my faculty bathroom uses,” she explains, “But as I’ve said, I’ve had them saved up from using the girls’ rooms before.”

Miss Musso’s well-maintained toilet-usage records precisely back up what she’s said. I’m completely satisfied that her recent uses of the faculty bathroom are all well-within’ the parameters agreed to. Similarly, Mrs. Karbopple is satisfied as is the rest of the TVPC. “Very well, Grace,” Mrs. Karbopple tells her. I echo that sentiment as we move on to our next case.

For our next case, I’m pleased to welcome Mary, a tall and pretty light-haired brunette who was also the leading scorer on our girls’ basketball team last season. Looking over the Violation Report in this case, I see that Mary is not the accused but rather she has brought a toilet violation case against two other students. As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, not all TVPC cases come from teachers and staff members. Students may bring toilet violations cases against other students. In this case, Mary has charged 2 other girls -- specifically, 2 sophomores named Britney and Christina of harassing her in the girls’ room. Both girls have pleaded “Not Guilty” to the charge.

“We didn’t do anything,” Britney, a gorgeous blonde, emphatically states, “We were just kidding around.” Christina, an equally gorgeous brunette, nods her head in agreement with her friend. I, though, look at both of them puzzled. “First you say you didn’t do anything and then you say you were kidding around,” I remind the them, “Which one is it?” Britney then looks at me puzzled. “Well, were you really doing NOTHING as you say or were you KIDDING AROUND as your friend says?” I ask her, “I mean, you couldn’t have been doing both things, so which is true?” She then looks at me even more puzzled than before -- or, at least not sure what to say next. “I think what she meant was that we weren’t doing anything wrong,” Christina then chimes in, “She means we weren’t doing any harm -- We were just kidding around a little bit.” “We just went in there to pee,” Christina adds.

Looking over at Mary, I see the pretty and athletic junior brunette shaking her head. “You weren’t peeing when I went in there,” Mary tells Christina. “You may have peed before that -- I don’t know,” Mary says, “But when I went in there, you two were just hanging around the bathroom, not doing much of anything.” Mary explains that she went in there -- specifically, the girls’ room across from the cafeteria -- during her lunch period to use the bathroom. As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, we have a girls’ room right there by the cafeteria so girls can easily use the girls’ room during their lunch period. “As I said, I went to the girls’ room because I had to go -- I don’t just hang around the girls’ room like it’s a social club or SEVENTH HEAVEN or something,” Mary continues, “I go in there to do what I need to do and then leave.” “But Britney and Christina didn’t seem to like the fact that I had to do more than just urinate,” the junior beauty explains, “They didn’t seem to like the idea that I was having a bowel movement as well.” “There were laughing and giggling,” Mary explains further, “And one of them said, ‘Oh My God! -- She’s pooping’ while I was in there on the toilet.” “Grow up!” Mary turns and angrily tells the 2 sophomores, “I suppose you 2 want us to believe that you never have to poop.”

“Well, we don’t poop in the girls’ room across from the cafeteria, that‘s for sure” Christina then answers back, “At least not during the lunch periods.” “I think I can wait and go somewhere we I can get a little more privacy,” the sophomore brunette tells Mary, “Pooping at school is bad enough as it is, but I’m certainly not going to do it in a girls’ room full of other girls.” “Girls really just mostly pee in there, sir -- especially when it’s so crowded during the lunch periods,” Britney then adds, “Girls mostly go upstairs when they have to do the other.” Mary counters that that’s just stupid. “They’re TOILETS not urinals,” Mary tells them, “We can do BOTH bodily functions in them when we need to.” “That’s what they’re there for, you know -- so we can use them,” the junior beauty lectures them, “Why do you think there’s a girls’ room there in the first place -- It’s so we can go at lunch.” “Just because we CAN doesn’t mean that we have to,” Britney counters back. “The girls’ rooms upstairs have toilets that we can go both ways in, too,” she says, “And they don’t have a whole pile of girls in there trying to pee at lunchtime.” Christina seems to agree with her friend. “I’d say the girls’ room is there so girls can PEE at lunchtime,” Christina says, “You go upstairs to the 2nd Floor or at least the Science Wing or the New Addition in order to poop,” she explains, “And that’s only if you’re so desperate you can’t wait until you get home to do it.”

Mary, of course, disagrees with that. “Look -- a toilet is a toilet,” she says angrily, “I had to go both ways and I did.” “I needed to do a bowel movement and I sat down on the toilet and did it,” the pretty basketball star rants on, “And then I wiped myself and flushed it all away.” “Look -- it’s a toilet and you can go both ways in a toilet,” she reiterates. “And the toilet was in a stall with a door in front that you can lock and have your privacy just fine,” Mary angrily points out, “There’s nothing wrong with using it for whatever you need to do.” “And that’s besides the point anyway,” Mary argues, “I should be able to sit down in any girls’ room in school and do what I need to do without getting harassed by people like Britney and Christina.” “Maybe if you girls didn’t make such a big project out of going to the bathroom,” she suggests, “Maybe Christina wouldn’t have had 3 panty-soiling violations last year and 1 already this year.”

With that, I bang my gavel before this turns into an argument. Mary’s last comment was unnecessary, but otherwise she definitely does have a point. Still, I’m not sure that what Britney and Christina did rises to the level of “Bathroom Harassment” as charged. Surely, they were being immature and annoying but it sounds more like “Loitering in the Girls’ Room” -- that is, they were hanging around the girls’ room after they’d finished their own bathroom business -- than the more serious charge of “Bathroom Harassment” as charged by Mary.

But as I start to explain that for the record, I see a hand raised in the spectator section. The hand belongs to a petite sophomore with just a magic personality named Hermonie and she is requesting to speak on this matter. I, of course, grant her permission to do so. “It definitely was harassment what they were doing,” Hermonie argues, “It was actually worse than what Mary was describing.” She tells us that she was on the toilet having a bowel movement herself during lunchtime. “I was just 2 stalls from where Mary was,” the pretty sophomore tells us, “When I first heard Britney and Christina making their comments, I thought they were talking about me.” “They were making farting noise making fun of what Mary was doing,” Hermonie explains, “And they were telling everyone that it was Mary in there.” “I guess they do have a point that most girls don’t actually poop in there -- I know that I really don‘t like pooping in there myself at lunchtime,” she explains further, “But sometimes a girl just has to do what a girl’s gotta do.” Hermonie tells us that she used to avoid going #2 at lunchtime as well, but learned her lesson last year. “I twice pooped in my panties last year and that was gross,” she acknowledges, “As I said, I really don’t like using that girls’ room at lunchtime, either, but I have to say that it’s a lot better than going in my pants.”

DJ, an articulate senior honor student, sitting in the detention section, also raises her hand to speak. “I can confirm what Hermonie is saying, sir,” she tells me, “I was in the girls’ room then waiting for a stall and I actually saw what Britney and Christina were doing.” “It was really a FULL HOUSE in there, so I was waiting a while and pretty much saw the whole thing,” she explains. “The 2 of them were right outside Mary’s stall, pointing to the stall and telling everyone that Mary was in there,” DJ explains further, “And they were both holding their nose and waving the air like Mary was making a bad smell.” DJ also reminds us that she’s in detention today for being late to class for bathroom purposes yesterday. “That only happened because I wouldn’t go #2 at lunchtime there, either,” she admits, “And then I got really desperate and had to go in the Science Wing girls’ room before Physics class next period.” “I was lucky I didn’t have an accident waiting as long as I did,” she adds, “But even so, I ended up being late for Physics after going #2 between classes.” The implication, of course, was that if she had just done it during lunchtime -- in the girls’ room by the cafeteria, of course -- she could have just taken her time and none of the that would have happened. “I actually admire Mary for being able to do that,” DJ says, “How she can just go in there and do what she has to do and not care what anyone thinks.”

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Mary, still, is a bit taken aback by the comment. “Look, I don’t particularly like doing it in that bathroom at lunchtime or even in school at all for that matter,” she says, “Of course, I’d rather go at home than at school or even a bathroom at school when there’s not so many people around.” “But it’s just ridiculous to make such a big project out of something like going to the bathroom,” she argues, “When you have to go, you have to go and if you happen to be at school, you just need to go to the girls’ room and do it.” “I mean, you just go and do what you need to,” Mary adds, “I just don’t see why people make such a big deal out of it.” “And that goes for you, too,” Mary then turns and tells Lucy sitting along defendants’ row, “If you didn‘t make such a big project out of going to the bathroom at school, you wouldn‘t be messing in your pants like you do.” Lucy is Mary’s younger sister and apparently she’s got a mess in her panties this afternoon.” “I don’t know what the problem is, Lucy,” she angrily tells her sister, “It really isn’t hard to avoid pooping in your pants.” “When you have to go, you just go sit on the toilet and do it there,” she lectures Lucy, “It really doesn’t have to be a big problem if you don’t want it to be.” Lucy, a pretty girl in her own right but quite shy and reserved especially as compared to her older sister, just sits there obviously embarrassed. “You know mom and dad aren’t going to put up with this for another year,” Mary warns her, “It’s bad enough you made all those messes last when you were a freshman but you’re a sophomore now and mom and dad simply aren’t going to put up with your accidents anymore.” “

“Um……didn’t you poop in your pants at a basketball game last year,” Christina then chimes in, smugly asking Mary as Britney giggles with laughter. “Um…..that was 2 years ago,” Mary counters right back, “And that was only because the bathroom where we were didn’t have any doors on the stalls.” “And I’ve learned my lesson since,” she says. The tall and pretty basketball star also explains that she did use the toilet there -- and by that she means using it for a bowel movement -- when they played there last year. “I’d like to see what you’d do if you needed to do that and all they had where stalls with no doors on them,” she taunts Christina. “I mean, you apparently don’t go at school even when there are doors on the stalls,“ Mary continues, “I‘d like to see what you‘d do if you had to go that way and there were no doors on the stalls.” “How many messes did you do in school last year,” she asks Christina mockingly, “Three times in your pants? -- and that‘s with doors on the stalls?” The gorgeous sophomore brunette is, not surprisingly, left with nothing more to say.

Considering the testimony of Hermonie and DJ and the fact that neither Britney or Christina deny the accusations, brings these charges into a new light. Britney and Christina are obviously guilty of “Bathroom Harassment” and the TVPC finds them so. “Mary is absolutely right,” I lecture them, “She and any other girl at this school should be able to sit down on any toilet in any girls’ room in the school and do what she needs to do without harassment from girls like you.” Fortunately for them, both of them have good toilet records so far this year -- Christina’s one panty-soiling being the only toilet violation between them so far this year. Accordingly, I sentence them each to a week of detention and to write Mary a 1,000 word letter of apology as well as to write, “I will not tease or harass another girl in the girls’ room again” 300 times. “300 times?” Britney asks me, apparently surprised at the severity of their punishment. But then getting a glimpse of the look on my face, she quickly realizes that she should be thankful that the punishment isn’t worse

Moving on with our agenda this afternoon, I decide to take Mary’s younger sister Lucy next. As the pretty and studious honor student moves to the podium, she walks slowly and a bit bow-legged. It’s the classic posture of a girl whose got a load in her pants and is trying hard not to spread it. But considering that it happened at lunchtime today -- at least that’s the accusation -- and she’s been walking and sitting in it for several hours now, it hardly seems worth the effort. It isn’t so much that there’s a bulge in her pants (as panty-loads often produce) but wearing white pants as she is, it’s more a matter of an outline of a well-spread, flattened brown load that’s visible through the pants.

“That’s quite a load you’ve got there,” I tell the pretty but quite unassuming sophomore, “I’m thinking that it really wasn’t a wise decision to wear white pants today.” Lucy nods her head in agreement with that. “Or perhaps it’s not so much your decision to wear white pants but your decision to mess in them that was unwise,” Mrs. Crabtree chimes in, “Obviously, you shouldn’t be messing in your panties at all -- even if you weren’t wearing white pants.” “Yes, Ma’am, an obviously embarrassed Lucy, assures the committeewoman.

“But yet you still did it,” her sister Mary chastises her, “You say ‘yes, ma’am’ that she’s right but you still decided to do it in your pants anyway.” “I didn’t DECIDE to do it in my pants!” Lucy, uncharacteristically, yells back at her sister, “You make it sound like it was something I planned to do -- like I did it on purpose.” “It was just an accident,” she tries to explain, “I just had an accident.” “Yeah -- an accident,” Mary says mockingly, “Yeah -- the kind of accident that happens when you decide to just sit there and not go to the bathroom when you need to.” “What do you think happens when you don’t go to the bathroom when you need to?” Mary yells at Lucy. With that, I grab my gavel and bang it. There’s no reason to let this become a debate between the 2 of them. Besides, this is none of Mary’s business anyway. “That’s enough from you,” I tell the tall and athletic junior beauty. Lucy’s panty-soiling issues -- 5 such accidents last year -- may very well be annoying to Mary, but, as I’ve noted, it’s really none of her business. Besides, this is only Lucy’s first one so far this year though she also has a violation for cutting English class for bathroom purposes (to go home to use the bathroom) and 2 violations for being late to class for bathroom purposes.

Instead, I turn the TVPC’s attention to Mrs. Buchman, who has charged Lucy with this panty-soiling. I note that this apparently happened in the school cafeteria during 5th period lunch. This is bad news for Lucy. It’s only her first panty-soiling so the punishment won’t be particularly severe -- she’s not entitled to be let off with the just a warning since she has other violations -- but having a soiling accident at lunch, of course, does bring additional punishment. “I have to say I was a bit surprised to see this,” Mrs. Buchman notes, “I’m pretty sure I saw Lucy coming out of the girls’ room just as the late bell rang at the start of the period.” “I mean, assuming that she used the girls’ room before heading to the cafeteria, I wouldn’t expect to be seeing her with a load in her pants,” the pretty English teacher explains, “But obviously -- VERY obviously -- that’s exactly what she did.” Mrs. Buchman explains that she noticed it while Lucy was walking out of the cafeteria as the period was ending. “As I said, I really didn’t expect to see that seeing as I’d seen her coming out of the girls’ room just a little while before,” Mrs. Buchman tells us, “But judging by the way she was walking and getting a look at her backside through those white pants makes it pretty obvious.”

Turning now to Lucy, it’s obvious that she just wants to get her punishment and get this over with. “I’m guilty, sir,” she tells us, “It’s no one’s fault but my own.” She says all the right things, but the TVPC, of course, must know what happened. I, of course, ask her about visiting the girls’ room at the start of the period before going to lunch and still having accident later in the period. Lucy reluctantly (to see the least) admits that she only “peed” in the girls’ room then even though that wasn’t all that she needed to do. That admission brings an audible groan from her sister. But I quickly turn to Mary and give her a disapproving look. The implication, of course, is that comments from her are not needed. Mrs. Buchman, though, gives Lucy a disapproving look. “You had to do both and you only urinated?” she asks the girl, “You actually sat on the toilet doing one while holding in the other?” Lucy doesn’t actually answer -- it’s pretty much a rhetorical question anyway -- but instead simply stares at the floor, obviously in shame. Mrs. Buchman just shakes her head in disgust as does Mary.

“It’s not like I just decided to go in my pants,” Lucy then tells us, repeating what she said earlier, “I really didn’t want to go in my pants.” The shy sophomore beauty then explains that she was just trying to hold it in until after lunch. “I wasn’t trying to hold it in until I got home,” Lucy explains, “I know that sometimes I do have to do it at school.” “I don’t like doing it at school, but I know that sometimes I just can‘t avoid that,” Lucy reiterates. “I do go at school when I need to -- I go at school a lot,” she claims, “It’s not like last year when I’d just try to hold it in all day until I got home.” Last year, of course, Lucy had 5 panty-soiling accidents at school.

“Well, you didn’t go at school this time,” Mrs. Buchman chimes in, “At least not in the toilet if that’s what you mean.” “Yes, Ma’am,” Lucy tells her, “But like I was saying, I was just trying to hold it in to go later.” Lucy then explains that she was intending to go at school but was simply trying to avoid doing it in that particular bathroom by the cafeteria. “I can deal with going #2 at school now,” the quiet sophomore beauty explains, “I don’t like it but I can deal with it when I have an emergency.” “The upstairs bathrooms aren’t so bad -- like upstairs here on the 2nd floor or maybe the Science Wing,” she explains further, “But not the girls’ room by the cafeteria -- that one is just gross.” “Well, I guess it isn’t so much that it’s gross,“ she then clarifies, “It’s just that it’s really crowded at lunch time -- it’s too many girls around in there to do more than just pee.“ She tells us that she had French next period and was planning to get a pass from Mrs. Defequer and go do it in the 2nd Floor girls’ room near her French class. “But I just couldn’t manage to hold it in that long -- I just couldn’t,” Lucy tells us, fighting back tears, “I just couldn’t hold it long enough, sir.” “I’m sorry, sir -- I’m sorry I had another accident,” she says, as the tears start to flow, “I’m trying really hard not to go in my pants anymore.”

Lucy is obviously sincere -- and very much ashamed of herself for going in her pants -- but apparently that isn’t enough for her sister. “Another one making such a big project out of going to the bathroom,” Mary admonishes her, repeating what she had said earlier to Britney and Christina, “I just don’t get it -- I just don’t get it at all.” “If you really don’t want to do it in your pants, the solution is really simple, Lucy,” she angrily tells her sister, “If you really don’t want to do it in your pants, you just GO DO IT IN THE TOILET instead.” “You don’t wait and hold it in and make excuses not to go in the toilet,” she continues lecturing Lucy, “You just go to the girls’ room and do it in the toilet when you need to.” In tears, Lucy then meekly answers her sister. “I’m not like you, Mary,” she tells her, “I just can’t go #2 with other girls around.” “I really need my privacy for that,” she tells Mary. Mary, though, just shakes her head. “I’m sorry but you’re in a stall with walls and a lockable door in front of you for privacy,” Mary lectures Lucy, “I’m sorry if it’s not perfect -- I’m sorry if it’s not SEVENTH HEAVEN or something -- but that should be more than enough privacy for you to do what you need to do.” “You need to just grow up already, Lucy,” she tells her quite harshly, “You need to just stop going in your pants like a baby -- you need to simply stop.” “It was bad enough you were doing this last year, Lucy,” Mary continues, “But you’re a sophomore now and this has simply got to stop.” “If you think mom and dad are going to tolerate you keep having accidents like this, you’ve got another thing coming, Lucy,” she lectures her sister harshly, “You really need to grow up and stop this.”

Her sister’s harsh words leave Lucy blubbering in tears and I take the occasion to admonish Mary for that. “It’s none of your business,” Lucy then suddenly, very uncharacteristically, angrily tells her sister. But that only set Mary off even more. “Um…it IS my business,” Mary lashes back at her, “It certainly becomes my business when you hide your dirty underwear in our bedroom.” Lucy looks up at Mary not only embarrassed but a bit puzzled. “You don’t think I notice you hiding your soiled underwear in our room?” Mary tells her, “You don’t think I smell it?” “Do you have any idea how bad your messed in underwear smells?” Mary asks her, “Just because you put them in a plastic bag doesn’t mean I can’t smell it.” “I’m sick and tired of you stashing your soiled panties in our closet or under your bed,” she angrily tells Lucy, “That’s just disgusting -- Especially when you just let them sit there and don‘t clean them.” “I’m tired of our room smelling of your soiled panties,” Mary continues, “I’m sorry but I’m just not going to deal with that anymore.” She reiterates to Lucy that it’s long past time she stopped having accidents and that not only her but their parents are completely fed up with this now. “They’ve tried to be sympathetic with you and so have I -- we all know that you have issues with going in public bathrooms,” Mary tells her, “But they’re just about running out of sympathy with you and I don’t blame them.” “I’m sorry, Lucy, but you need to go in the toilet when you need to,” she explains further, “I’m sorry but I’m just not going to cover for you on your messes anymore.”

Mary then turns to me and apologizes for her rant. “I’m sorry, sir,” she tells me, “I know I’m not supposed to be involved in other girls’ bathroom business.” “But she’s my sister and it’s hard not to be involved -- Especially when we share a bedroom,” Mary explains, “It’s hard not to be involved when she keeps coming home with loads in her panties.” “She keeps saying that she’s going to stop, sir,” Mary continues, “But yet she keeps doing it.”

It is indeed none of Mary’s business, but given the issues with the soiled panties hidden in their bedroom, I guess I need to cut her some slack. But more importantly, I’m concerned with what Mary seems to be telling us. “You seem to be telling us that Lucy is still regularly having accidents,” I tell the tall, athletic junior beauty, “But looking at your sister’s toilet record, I’m seeing that this is only her first accident of the school year. Mary laughs out loud at hearing that. “No way, sir,” Mary says, “No way that this is only her first time.” “No way, sir,” she repeats. “I know that this is at least her third time,” Mary tells us, “Actually, her fourth time if you count her doing it at the movies last month.” Lucy is, of course, horrified at her sister revealing all of this and tries to get her to be quiet. “I’m sorry Lucy,” Mary tells her, “But I’m just not going to cover for you anymore.” “I’m sorry but I’m just not going to look the other way and let you hide it anymore,” she tells Lucy, “If you go in your pants, you’re just going to have to face the consequences.” “And that means not only the consequences from here but with mom and dad, too,” Mary explains, “Maybe then you’ll learn to go in the toilet like you should.” She obviously knows that when girls get punished for toilet violations from the TVPC, their parents get sent a copy of the Violation Report as well.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Pressing Mary on the details -- the details of the prior 2 accidents as we’re not concerned with the one she did at the movies -- Mary tells us that one of them may have happened while Lucy was on her way home from school. “I caught her with one of them and she said that‘s how it happened,” Mary explains, “She said it happened as she was trying to hold it in on her way home.” “But the other one definitely happened in school,” she explains further, “I heard her on the phone telling one of her friends that it happened in her English class last period.” “I heard her saying that it was solid load and that she was able to get out of school that day without anyone finding out,” Mary adds. “I remember it because it was the day before she got caught cutting class,” Mary also explains, “She had to go again the next day and she cut class and came home to go because she didn’t want to have another accident.” “I thought at least you were TRYING not to go in your pants anymore,” she turns and tells Lucy, “At least they were happening at the end of the day.” “It’s still disgusting that you’d go in your pants but at least you were maybe thinking you could hold it until you got home,” Mary continues, “And I know the one at the movie theater only happened while you were waiting in line at the end of the movie.” “It’s still your fault and it’s still a disgrace for someone your age,“ Mary reiterates, “But I thought at least you were trying.” “But this time you did at lunch right in the middle of the school day,” she points out to Lucy, “This was back to your old tricks of just trying to hold it in all day and refusing to go at school at all.” “No way were you going to hold that in all afternoon,” Mary says, pointing to the load in her sister’s pants, “There’s just no excuse for not going to the girls’ room and taking care of that in school.” “I’m sorry but I’m just not going to cover for you anymore,” Mary repeats again, “You’re just too old to be having accidents anymore.”

Quickly redirecting the discussion back to matter at hand, I must ask Lucy about the panty-soiling messes that Mary has told us about. “I don’t care about the one at the movies,” I explain to her, “I suspect that your parents might but that one is obviously of no concern to the TVPC.” But I, of course, ask her to explain the other ones. She then basically confirms what Mary told us. Lucy admits that the one did indeed happen in English class at the end of the day, but the other one only happened after she left school that day. She tells us that she was completely in control of herself and that her panties were clean as she left school that day. She claims she only lost control and messed her panties on her way home. As she and faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, the TVPC can only punish girls for accidents occurring in school or at official school functions. An accident off school grounds on the way home from school is beyond the TVPC’s reach. Lucy therefore gets a break on that one, but I direct the TVPC clerk to draw up a Violation Report on Lucy for the panty-soiling that she did do in English class.

Looking at Lucy’s toilet record, though -- specifically, the timing of her other violations -- it seems she gets a break on the in-school panty-soiling accident as well. I see that chronologically it’s not only her first panty-soiling violation of the school year, but her first violation overall. It apparently happened the day before she got her violation for cutting English class to go to home to use the bathroom -- which had been the first violation on her record for this school year. “That makes the panty-soiling your first violation overall for the school year,” I tell Lucy and note for the record, “You don’t really deserve it but that means that your accident in English class only gets you a warning,” “But that, of course, makes the accident you did today, your 2nd panty-soiling of the school year,” I also not, “And given the severity of the accident, I most certainly can give you a bit of extra punishment for that.” But still, it’s only her 2nd panty-soiling of the school year and in all fairness, I shouldn’t be unduly severe with her. Accordingly, I sentence her to 3 days in detention and having to write, “I will not soil my panties in school again” 300 times. But I also have to take into account that it happened in school cafeteria at lunchtime. “Girls have a right to eat their lunch in the cafeteria without having to smell panty-soiling messes form girls like you,” I admonish Lucy, “So you also get extra punishment for that.” For that, she’ll have to write a 500 word essay apologizing for what she did. “And that essay goes up on the cafeteria wall for everyone to read,” I remind Lucy. “And it stays up there for one week from when you hand it in.” “And you’ll also now be required to eat your lunch at a special table in the corner of the cafeteria,” I tell her, “That’s a table reserved for girls who have soiled their panties in the cafeteria at lunchtime.” She lets out an audible groan at hearing that. That table is nicknamed the “shame table” and obviously, she isn’t looking forward to having to sit there. “You’ll have to sit there for one week as well,” I remind her. I also warn her that another accident at lunchtime like this one will mean a month at the “shame table” and a 1,000 word essay on the wall.

For our last matter this afternoon, I call before the TVPC senior brunette named Pru. She is charged with “Resisting a Panty-Inspection.” As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, when a teacher or other staff member suspects that a girl is guilty of either wetting or soiling herself, she may ask that girl to submit to a “panty inspection” to determine if she did. The girl is then taken to the girls’ room or other suitable place where she must pull down her panties and allow them to be inspected for any sign of an accident.

Checking with Mrs. Montgomery -- a new English and Journalism teacher at our school, who is bringing this charge -- I ask if Pru did ultimately submit to the panty-inspection. “Yes, Mr. Chairman, she ultimately did pull down her panties and let me inspect them,” the pretty and enthusiastic teacher clarifies, “She stalled and complained and resisted for a while but ultimately she did pull them down and complied with my inspection.” That’s an important distinction because an outright refusal to allow a teacher or staff member to inspect your panties is a more serious violation than merely resisting or complaining about one.

“So I pulled down my pants and panties just like Mrs. Montgomery told me to do,” Pru then points out, “So what am I doing here now?” “And I didn’t have any accident in my panties, did I?” she asks, directing her question, a definite tone of derision in her voice, to Mrs. Montgomery. In response, Mrs. Montgomery, a very pretty brunette, acknowledges that the standoffish senior beauty had not had any accident. “My panties were perfectly clean and dry, weren’t they,” Pru continues at her English teacher, “You were wrong about me having an accident, weren’t you?” “You were completely wrong, weren’t you?,” she asks her again, as if taunting her. “What am I doing here now if I didn’t go in my pants?” she then turns and asks me, again in a less than respectful tone.

Immediately, I reach for my gavel and bang it hard. I sternly warn her about her tone and attitude. “What you are doing here now is answering for a toilet violation,” I tell Pru angrily, “You are here because you are accused of not fully cooperating with Mrs. Montgomery when she needed to inspect your panties.” “And if your attitude now is anything like your attitude with Ms. Montgomery, you are only proving yourself guilty as charged,” I point out. “Do you think you‘re special or something?” I ask Pru derisively, “Do you think you‘re CHARMED or something and that the rules don‘t apply to you.” “When a faculty member tells you step into the girls’ room for a panty inspection, you’d better step into the girls’ room as ordered, young lady,” I lecture her, the anger in my voice still evident, “And then you pull down your pants or hike up your skirt or whatever else she tells you to do.”

“I did, sir,” the senior brunette then interrupts me, “I pulled down my pants and panties just like she said and then she found that I hadn’t had any type of accident at all.” But Ms. Montgomery takes exception to Pru’s characterizing it that way. “Yes -- you did pull down your panties,” Ms. Montgomery acknowledges, “And yes -- your panties were clean without any accident.” “But that doesn’t quite tell the story of what happened,” the pretty English teacher continues, “It’s not as if you were actually cooperating with the panty inspection -- It’s not like you just did what I asked.” “You did nothing but resist and complain and came up with any excuse imaginable not to pull down your pants,” she tells Pru, “I thought for sure you were hiding a mess in your panties you were resisting so much.” “I had to threaten her with charges before she’d finally do it,” Ms. Montgomery tells us, “She turned a simple panty-inspection into a big project.” “You know I do a lot of panty inspections on girls,” she turns and tells the pretty senior brunette, “They usually take like 45 seconds but you had to turn it into a big project.”

But Pru argues that that’s precisely the point. “You do panty inspections on me all the time and I never have any accidents in my pants,” she tells Mrs. Montgomery, “I’ve never had any issues with messing my panties at school.” “I mean, I did mess my panties once when I was a freshman, but that was it,” she argues, “I don’t know why you’re always inspecting me when I haven’t gone in my pants.” “I’m tired of having to pull down my pants and panties for no reason,” Pru argues further. “You’re supposed to check on girls who actually have accidents,” she tells Ms. Montgomery, “You’re not supposed to check people just because you feel like it.” But the young and enthusiastic English teacher denies that she checks girls just because she feels like it. “I check girls when I think they’ve had accidents,” she insists, “And when I check you, it’s only because I think you’ve had one.” “And it’s not like I’m singling your out, either,” Mrs. Montgomery points out, “I do panty inspections on a lot of girls -- I’m doing panty inspections all the time.” “And I’ve never had a problem with panty inspections before,” the pretty English teacher explains, “Girls who haven’t had accidents don’t have a problem showing my their clean and dry panties.” “As I said, I thought for sure you were hiding a mess in her panties,” she tells Pru, “I mean, why else would you fight against a panty inspection so much.”

“But I didn’t have a mess in my panties, did I?” she asks the English teacher again, “And I didn’t have any pee in my panties, either, did I?” Ms. Montgomery acknowledges that she didn’t.

But obviously that’s not the point and I tell Pru so. “When a teacher asks you submit to panty inspection that’s what you do,” I tell her again -- and once again, in an angry tone, “You go into the girls’ room and you submit to the panty inspection as ordered.” “You don’t resist and you don’t complain and you don’t do anything else but what you’re told,” I lecture her, “You pull down your pants and panties and like you’re supposed to and let the teacher do her inspection.” “I don’t care that you haven’t had an accident,” I lecture her further, “All the more reason to pull down your panties and let that be proven.” “And if you don’t want to do that, we have plenty of punishments here for you do,” I warn her, “We have lots of paper in stock and plenty of pens to write with.” Pru, a decidedly stubborn and sometimes nasty sort, FINALLY seems to get he message. “Yes, sir,” she tells me. “Yes, Ma’am -- I’m sorry, Ma’am,” she then turns and tells Mrs. Montgomery. Mrs. Montgomery, in turn, acknowledges the apology. “It’s alright as long as it doesn’t happen again,” she tells the girl. “So then am I to understand that this is the time you’re going to have a problem with a panty-inspection?” I ask Pru, “Am I to understand that the next time you’re asked to submit to a panty-inspection you’ll be doing exactly as you’re told?” “Yes, sir,” she answers. “And you understand that goes for whether it’s Mrs. Montgomery conducting the panty-inspection or someone else, correct?” I also ask her. “Yes, sir,” Pru answers again.

Moving on to Pru’s punishment, I note that she did ultimately comply with the panty inspection and that she has a good toilet record -- one count of “Loitering in the Girls’ Room” and one count of a “Using Too Much Toilet Paper” being her only offenses so far this year. Accordingly, her punishment need not be severe. Still, she needs to be taught a lesson that she isn’t CHARMED or special and she must submit to panty-inspections when asked just like anyone else. She’ll, of course, have to write Mrs. Montgomery an apology and that apology will be a minimum of 1,000 words. But rather than give her detention and some lines to write, I have a different sort of punishment in mind. “For the next 2 weeks, you’ll report every day to Mrs. Montgomery,” I tell Pru and note for the record, “And you’ll ASK Mrs. Montgomery to do a panty-inspection on you.” “And it’ll be up to Mrs. Montgomery, of course, whether she does the panty-inspection or not,” I further stipulate. “Yes, sir -- I understand,” she tells me. “Miss a day of asking her for a panty-inspection and you’ll have 2 more weeks of this punishment,” I then warn her, “And miss a day a second time and you’ll do the rest of the time on toilet suspension.” “And your panties better be clean and dry as well when she inspects them,” I warn her further, “After all your bellyaching about you not having accidents, you’d better pass these panty inspections will flying colors or you’ll get double the usual accident punishment.” “You don’t have to worry about that, sir,” she then tells me , seemingly a bit annoyed at the suggestion of that, “I know how to use the toilet, sir -- I certainly don’t go in my pants like a lot girls here do.”

So concludes another session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee. Meeting adjourned at 4:19 PM.

[spandexman]

Great report

Arnold, have you ever considered taking favors from Miss Spellman or Grace? I would. Imagine the free shows you would get watching thes two stunning beauties poop in spandex leggings just for you and maybe some oral pleasures tossed in for less punishment later? Just an idea.


Thanks for a great report and happy holidays. Surely there will be a lot of huge accidents after school vacation.