Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

[Arnold Ziffel]

Welcome to a session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.

My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of April 5, 2011.

For the second day in a row Claire, a prissy, prom-queen type and Allison, a cute, loner-type, appear before the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC). That these two radically different girls would ever be together is quite an unusual occurrence and certainly not a pleasant one for either of them. For one of them, however, it’s about to get a whole lot worse.

It seems that the two of them shared the misery of a day-long Saturday detention in the school library this past weekend. I’m not really sure what they were being punished for as it was a non-toilet related matter (and hence, not a TVPC punishment) but the 2 girls were stuck in that detention all day Saturday with several classmates. It did become a TVPC matter, however, when the 2 girls were denied a bathroom break early in the session and then got up and went to the girls’ room on their own. Apparently, there were bathroom breaks pre-scheduled throughout the day-long detention, but these girls just got up and went before the allotted time.

Yesterday, Claire and Allison faced the TVPC and got their punishment for “Leaving Detention without Permission to Use the Girls’ Room.” Allison, in fact, stands before us in a wet skirt as today is the first day of her week-long toilet suspension as punishment for that offense. As fans of the TVPC surely know, a toilet suspension is the TVPC’s most dreaded punishment. A girl on toilet suspension is not allowed in the girls’ rooms for any reason nor is she allowed to go to the bathroom elsewhere. Allison had a prior offense for leaving class without permission, as well as a pretty lengthy toilet record in general. That is why she was dealt with more severely (in particular why she got put on toilet suspension) than her counterpart. She also has to write 500 times “I will not leave detention without permission to use the girls’ room again.” and serve 5 days in detention when her toilet suspension is done. Claire, with a good toilet record (once loitering in the girls’ room and once using too much toilet paper being her only prior offenses this year) and no prior offense for leaving class or detention without permission, only has to write the 500 times and serve the week in detention.

“I’ve called you back before the TVPC because another matter has come up,” I tell them and note for the record, “A very serious matter has come up.” I go on to explain that Monday morning a foul smell was apparent in the area of the New Edition girls’ room – a smell that was quickly traced to the girls’ room itself. “It seems that someone decided to have a bowel movement in the garbage can instead of the toilet,” I tell Claire and Allison, “I was wondering if you two girls had any information about that.” Both girls shake their heads unconvincingly. “We initially thought that someone did that Monday morning,” I tell them, “But we can’t seem to find anyone who went into that girls’ room that early on Monday.” “The only other possibility is that someone did it before then,” I continue, “Like someone who used that girls’ room on Sunday OR SATURDAY!” The New Edition girls’ room is located right across the hall from the school library where these girls served their detention and it is, of course, the girls’ room that they used that day. If one of these two did defecate in the garbage can, it really isn’t too hard to figure out which one did it, but we’re not completely sure that one of them did. Even on a Saturday, there were a lot of people in and around the school and a lot of girls had access to that girls’ room. The TVPC now has to do a little detective work.

“I’d say that was pretty disgusting to be doing that in a garbage can instead of the toilet, Claire,” I ask the prissy, redheaded junior, “I’d think that you’d want to see the guilty party punished.” “I didn’t do it, sir,” she answers, “That is completely disgusting!” “I didn’t say that you did it, Claire – I’m just saying that someone squatting over the garbage can is right out there in the open where they can be seen,” I tell her, “It’s not like the garbage can was in a stall or anything where the girl could do that in secret.” “You were in that girls’ room over the weekend weren’t you, Claire?” I ask her, “Are you sure you didn’t see anybody defecating in the garbage can? – I’d think it would be a hard thing to miss!” As my words, subtle as they may be, wash over Claire, she grows increasingly worried. I doubt if she really fears that she’s going to get blamed for doing it (I don’t think anyone would ever believe that she’d ever do a bowel movement anyplace other than a spotlessly clean toilet in at least a fully enclosed stall), but she’s beginning to realize that I know that she knows who did. She has to be thinking about how far she’s going to go and how much punishment she’s going to risk in order to protect the girl who did it.

“I’m going to ask Allison as well, but she’s already on toilet suspension,” I tell Claire, “I’d hate to see someone who didn’t even do it get placed on toilet suspension for hiding information about it.” She turns to Allison with a look or panic on her face and Allison shoots her back an icy stare. “I’m not getting put on toilet suspension because of you,” Claire says to Allison, “I’m just not.” “Why did you have to do that anyway? – That is just gross!” she says, “You are so weird! – That was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen in my life!!” I ask Claire to clarify her comments for the record. “Allison did it – I saw her do it,” Claire clarifies, “She went to the bathroom in the garbage can on Saturday.” Allison yells back at Claire to be quiet – like Claire is betraying her confidence – but I bang my gavel to silence her. “You’re in enough trouble already,” I tell her.

“I’m sorry, Allison,” Claire tells her, “But I never told you to do that – why should I have to get punished for something that I had nothing to do with?” “When we went to the girls’ room together, I went right into a stall and she went right over to the garbage can,” Claire explains, “I couldn’t believe that she was actually going to do something so disgusting, but she did.” “I peed – um, I mean I urinated and when I came out of the stall, she was still squatting over the garbage can,” Claire tells us. “I think she actually went both ways in there,” she continues, “And then she waddled into a stall to wipe herself.” “Gross – Just gross!” the prissy junior adds.

In response, Allison admits what she did and mumbles something to Claire about this being revenge for Mr. Verne (the detention supervisor) not letting them go to the girls’ room when they asked. “And what does going to the bathroom in the garbage can accomplish?” Claire fires back at Allison, “It’s just disgusting and doesn’t accomplish anything.” “It doesn’t punish Mr. Verne – Mr. Verne doesn’t use the girls’ room,” Claire points out, “It only punishes girls like us who have to use that bathroom after you’ve done who knows what in there.” “I like my bathrooms clean, Allison,” Claire adds, “Or at least not with poop outside the toilet.” “I like my underwear clean, Claire,” Allison responds. “At least I went in the girls’ room instead of my underwear,” Allison argues, “It’s too bad that Claire can’t say that.” With that, I bang my gavel to restore order before the argument gets out of hand. I could lecture Allison about her disgusting behavior but I think Claire got it just about right and there isn’t much more I could say about it.

I guess I could punish Allison for 2 counts – urinating in the garbage can as well as defecating in it – but her punishment on one count will more than suffice. “Two months on toilet suspension,” I tell her and note for the record, “And that is, of course, on top of the 1 week you already have for leaving class without permission.” I also give her 1 entire month of after school bathroom cleaning punishment. “Have fun cleaning the bathrooms that you’re not allowed to use,” I tell her, “And believe me when I tell you that you don’t want to be caught using one of them on toilet suspension.” Even though we’re only counting it as one offense, I’m still not about to let her forget that she went both ways in the garbage can. I first sentence her to write 1,000 times, “I will not defecate in a girls’ room garbage can in school again.” Then I sentence her to also write 1,000 times, “I will not urinate in a girls’ room garbage can in school again.” “They’re both due in one week,” I remind her, “Make sure you get them done on time.”

Unfortunately, I also have to address another matter with Claire. “Is what Allison said about you going in your pants true, Claire,” I ask her. “Yes, sir,” Claire answers, “I didn’t really have a lot in my panties until I was on my way home, but some of it did come out in my panties when I was still in detention.” She claims, though, that she should be found “Not Guilty” due to extenuating circumstances. “You wouldn’t believe how bad that bathroom smelled after what Allison did,” Claire argues, “You can’t really expect anyone to go back in there and use the toilet later that day.”

Though I can sympathize with Claire’s situation, hers is not a valid excuse for messing in her panties. “You should have immediately told Mr. Verne what happened,” I explain, “And then Allison would have had to clean it up and your would have been allowed to use a different girls’ room.” “I’m glad you eventually came forward and told us what Allison did,” I continue, “But sitting there silently in detention and not telling anyone and all the while trying to ignore your need to have a bowel movement – that was definitely the wrong thing to do.” “And doing the wrong thing usually has consequences,” I point out, “Consequences like having a mess in your panties and now the consequences of getting punished for it.” Still, it’s only Claire’s 2nd accident offense of the year and only the 1st messing accident. She’ll have to write 200 times, “I will not soil my panties in school again.” and serve 2 days in detention. That is, of course, in addition to the 500 times and week of detention she already has from yesterday’s TVPC session. For the ever perfect Claire, though, it’s more the embarrassment of having the accident and having her friends know about it, that is far worse than any punishment I could assign.

It is indeed a pleasure to recognize Miss McIntyre and Miss Fleming – two of our very best Guidance Counselors who have just entered the TVPC committee room. However, they bring with them 2 girls – 2 gorgeous but vacuous blondes named Lyndsey and Paris – whom I assume are about to be charged with toilet violations. These young ladies, as well as several other young ladies, were “guests” today over at the nearby women’s prison. This is part of the “Scared Shitless” program where girls with disciplinary problems spend the day as a prison inmate to learn what prison is like. Miss McIntyre and Miss Fleming are the two Guidance Counselors who run the program and chaperoned today’s trip to the prison.

“How was the trip today?” I ask them. “It went pretty well, I’d say,” reports Miss McIntyre, “It was a pretty eye-opening experience for the girls – especially these two.” “I don’t think they want to end up in prison,” she adds. “We’re charging Lyndsey with soiling her panties,” Miss Fleming tells us, “And we’re charging Paris with a “doubleheader” accident. Fans of the TVPC know that a “doubleheader” is an accident when a girl goes both ways in her panties. As the two girls are called to the podium, their accidents are more than obvious. Lyndsey is wearing tight jeans which only serve to highlight the rather substantial bulge that she’s sporting in the seat. It is a load of considerable severity – producing a “tent effect” like somebody shoved a pair of baseballs down her pants. Paris seems to have considerably less fecal mess in her pants, but having wet them as well, she clearly has the bigger disaster. She’s also wearing white pants which only serve to highlight the mess she’s got back there, which in spite of being less than Lyndsey’s mess is still quite considerable. Also the fact that her pants are just soaking wet, makes them practically see-through. It appears likely that Paris just wet her pants repeatedly today rather than just once.

“Apparently, these two don’t like the toilets in the jail,” Miss Fleming says with a smile, “Not such a nice place to have to go to the bathroom is it, girls?” “They just have a toilet right there in the corner of the cell,” Lyndsey tells us, a look of disgust evident on her face, “There’s no door or even any stall around it – everyone can see you using it.” “That’s just disgusting – nobody watches me go to the bathroom,” Paris states, a bit of defiance in her voice, “What if someone snapped a picture of me on the toilet?” “A picture of you on the toilet?” asks Miss McIntyre laughingly, “Do you really think that people want to watch you using the toilet?” I’m not sure that’s so funny – you just never know what some people are into. “I’m sorry about having a mess in my panties,” Lyndsey says, “Going #1 in there with no privacy was one thing, but no way was I going to do a #2.” “That’s just gross – No way was I going to do either one,” Paris chimes in, “I just don’t use the toilet without privacy no matter what I have to do.” Apparently, the girls spent a good portion of their day in jail locked two to a cell with only an open toilet in the corner of the cell for them to use. The “Scared Shitless” program is intended to simulate for the girls what it’s like to spend time in jail. As I understand it, Paris and Lyndsey shared a cell for the day with Lyndsey at least willing to urinate in the open toilet while Paris stubbornly refused to do either bodily function without her privacy.

“I think you girls would really have a rough time of it, if you ever got sent to jail for real,” Miss McIntyre points out, “Those toilets in the corner of the cell are what you have to use when you’re in jail.” “Refusing to use it when you’re in there for one day is bad enough,” she tells them, “But I’d hate to see your pants after a month in there.” “Hopefully, you’ve learned your lesson about how terrible it is in jail,” I tell them, “If you didn’t already have a reason to stay out of jail, you can think about the toilets they have.”

Mrs. Crabtree, a member of the TVPC, wonders whether Paris and Lyndsey should be charged as representatives of the school with their accidents. Fans of the TVPC know that accidents and other toilet violations by cheerleaders, athletes, band members and others that occur while representing the school bring considerably more punishment than just a regular accident. But a quick check of the TVPC regulations reveals that this is not such a case. It is a school trip so school toilet rules do apply, but the girls on the trip were there as individuals (so chosen because they’d been discipline problems) rather than as representatives of the school “Besides, I certainly wouldn’t want to hold these two out as representatives of the school, anyway,” I add. Accordingly, they’ll catch a break and only get an ordinary accident punishment.

Each girl has a previous wetting accident and a charge of accidentally urinating all over the toilet. Paris also has a previous charge of teasing another girl who had a messing accident while Lyndsey was guilty of leaving class without permission to go to the girls’ room. For her bowel movement mess (her second accident offense of the year), Lyndsey gets 2 days in detention and has to write 250 times, “I will not soil my panties in school again.” Paris, also with her second accident offense, gets it worse because hers was a “doubleheader.” She’ll serve 3 days in detention and she’ll have to write 350 times, “I will not wet and soil my panties in school again.”

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

I’m more than a little surprised to see Julia as the accused in our next case and I’m downright shocked to see her standing here in soaking wet jeans. Its not that I haven’t seen Julia many times before – she’s often here lending support to her younger sister Claudia who’s had more than her share of toilet problems this year – it’s just that she is rarely accused of a toilet violation herself. And to see her trademark skin-tight jeans just glistening with wetness in the seat and in the crotch is all the more shocking. And, as she takes the podium, it’s also hard not to notice how tightly she seems to be holding her legs together. Of course, I ask her about all this.

“My zipper is stuck,” she explains, an urgency in her voice, “I haven’t been able to pull my pants down all day and I really have to peeeeeeee!” With that last bit she proceeds to bend and twist and contort in her own version of the potty dance. “Oh man! do I have to peeeeeee!” she exclaims again. “Well it looks like you already did,” I tell her, trying to maintain a sense of decorum at this pretty funny situation. “Yes, sir – I did wet them pretty bad already but that’s nothing compared to the flood that I’m holding back now.” Julia tells us that she first went to the girls’ room during her lunch period. She met up with her sister Claudia in there like she usually does. “You’ll be happy to know that Claudia went in the girls’ room today – she went both ways,” Julia explains, “But when it was my turn, I just couldn’t get my zipper down.” “I tried everything – the nurse tried everything and even my guidance counselor tried to help,” she continues, “But my zipper was so stuck, it wouldn’t even move.” “I just couldn’t get my pants down all day,” Julia tells us, “Eventually, I couldn’t hold it in anymore and I just wet my pants.” “I’m just gonna have to cut them off when I get home,” she tells us, “Anything so I can finally sit on the toilet and peeeeeee!”

Julia has no prior wetting accidents (no soiling ones, either). Her only toilet violations this year are using profanity at a TVPC meeting (she was arguing in support of her sister Claudia at the time) and once not flushing the toilet after urinating in it. For punishment she gets an hour of detention and must write 100 times, “I will not wet my pants in school again.” At hearing that, Julia begins to speak but I stop her. I know exactly what she is about to ask. “Yes, you may now be dismissed, Julia,” I tell her, “You can serve your detention tomorrow instead.” “Thank you, sir,” she says as she makes a bee-line for the door. I’m sure she’ll now be running home to finally get her pants off and finally getting onto the toilet to relieve herself. I hope that she makes it before the wetting gets any worse, but judging by the expression on her face and the gyrations she was doing at the meeting, I really wonder if she will.

Our next case is a charge of Panty-Soiling against Felicity, a bright senior with long, beautiful blonde hair. As I read the Violation Report, I’m a little surprised. Though Felicity does have a prior offense for panty-soiling (a case of the teacher not allowing her to go to the girls’ room when she asked), she’s usually quite responsible in getting to the toilet in time.

“I don’t know what to say – I just waited too long,” she tells us, rather embarrassed, “I knew I had to go but I was waiting until class was over.” “I was sure I could make it until class was over,” she explains, “But I guess I had to go a lot worse than I thought.” She goes on to tell us that she was fine all through class – that is, she definitely had to go but the urge wasn’t that strong. But then suddenly right near the end of class, she suddenly had to go really, really bad. “At the end of class, I suddenly found myself running for the girls’ room,” she tells us, “But I could only run with small steps because I had to go to the bathroom so bad.” “It just came out on the way to the girls’ room,” she adds, obviously quite embarrassed.

“She was pretty obvious in the hallway,” reports Miss Defequer, our French teacher, “I could tell by the way she was walking that she had a problem.” “I was hopeful for a while that she was going to make it to the girls’ room in time,” she continues, “But she suddenly froze in her tracks and I could tell that she was doing it in her panties.” “I followed her into the girls’ room and once in there, I did a panty-inspection,” she reports, “And when I did, I found that she had a good, solid load in there.” The teacher points out that Felicity was very cooperative with her and was very apologetic for what she’d done. “She admitted to what she’d done and she was really sorry about it,” Miss Defequer tells us. “I’m sure it wasn’t pleasant for her to be standing there in the girls’ room with her pants down and a mess in her panties,” she points out, “Especially during the passing time between classes while a lot of girls were coming into the girls’ room.” “But she stood there cooperatively while I wrote up the Violation Report on her,” the French teacher adds.

“I don’t know why you just didn’t ask to go to the girls’ room” Miss Sherwood, her 4th period English teacher points out, “You know that I would have let you go.” Felicity just nods her head. This was just one of those things that she no doubt wishes she could go back and do differently.

As I noted, she has one prior soiling accident offense and she also has 2 offenses for using too much toilet paper. She gets 2 days detention and has to write 200 times, “I will not soil my panties in school again.” “I trust that you’ll be more careful next time,” I tell her. “Yes, sir – Definitely, I will,” she answers, obviously feeling not only embarrassed but pretty silly at having waited to long before going to the girls’ room.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Our next case is Brooke, a POPULAR blonde-haired cheerleader. She is charged with “Bathroom Harassment” – specifically, teasing Felicity about her accident. Miss Defequer is the accuser in this case as well.

“I was in the girls’ room checking Felicity’s panties and then writing her up for the accident,” Miss Defequer reports, “And that’s when Brooke comes strolling into the girls’ room.” “Felicity felt bad enough having an accident,” the French teacher continues, “She didn’t need Brooke’s nasty comments on top of that.” “Among other things, she said that Felicity was stinking up the whole girls’ room,” she adds, “I guess that Brooke doesn’t think that hers stinks.” “I didn’t say that mine doesn’t stink – I’m sure it does,” Brooke chimes in, “I’m just saying that it stinks a lot less when you do it in the toilet instead of your pants.” “I do mine in the toilet and then I flush it away,” the blonde beauty continues, “I don’t do it in my panties and walk around like that all day.” “So YES, mine doesn’t stink so bad,” Brooke adds, “And Felicity’s wouldn’t stink so bad if she did them in the toilet like she’s supposed to.”

“And you find it necessary to tell all that to Felicity?” I ask, “You suddenly appointed yourself the judge of another girl’s toilet habits?” “I really wasn’t thinking of it like that,” Brooke tells us, contritely, “I guess I shouldn’t have said anything at all – I’m sorry I made Felicity cry.” “I was going in there because I really had to go – you know, #2,” she explains, “And I was already annoyed because I was having a bad day.” “I saw her with Miss Defequer and I saw the mess in her panties and it really did smell bad,” Brooke continues, “I lost my head and I guess I just made the comments without thinking.” “And you also called Felicity a disgrace and said that you shouldn’t have to share bathrooms with girls who aren’t toilet trained?” Miss Defequer asks her, “And you said that she should have to scrub her panties clean in the toilet and wear diapers from now on?” “Yes, Ma’am,” Brooke acknowledges, “I said that and I’m really sorry.” “I didn’t mean to make Felicity cry,” she repeats. “Well, that’s what you did, young lady,” our French teacher points out, “And I don’t what you think she was going to do after you made comments like that.”

“Indeed young lady,” I tell her, “Your comments were totally nasty and completely uncalled for.” “Around here we don’t tease girls who have had accidents,” I remind her, “And if we do, we should expect to be punished.” “Fortunately for you, this is your first offense and you’ve got a good toilet record overall,” I tell her. She has two prior toilet offenses this year – one for being lat to class for toilet-related reasons and one for squatting to urinate with the toilet seat still down. “I’m putting you on notice, young lady, that you’d better keep your nasty comments in check,” I warn her, “And you’d be foolish to think that I’m going to be this lenient with you if this sort of thing happens again.”

For punishment, Brooke will have to write 250 times “I will not tease other girls in the girls’ room again.” She’ll also have to write Felicity a 1,000 word letter of apology and serve 3 days in detention. “That’s lenient?” Brooke complains. “Yes it is,” I tell her, “And I strongly suggest that you don’t do this again and give me the chance to prove it.”

Next up before the TVPC is Samantha, or Sam for short. She is also a POPULAR girl but in a very different way and with a very different clique of friends from our previous toilet offender. She is a smart and academically-oriented young lady who is also the editor of the school newspaper. This pretty brunette is in a bit of trouble today as she faces two separate toilet violations – specifically, using a faculty bathroom (for a bowel movement) and clogging the toilet in the process. Though I probably won’t impose it in a case like this, Sam does face the possibility of a toilet suspension. Any time that a girl creates a problem in a faculty bathroom (like clogging the toilet); she faces a possible toilet suspension under TVPC rules.

“You’ve got to take the good with the bad with Sam,” calls out a hysterically laughing Brooke from the detention section, “Just be glad that she’s actually using the toilet in school for a change.” In a cruel twist of fate, like something from a TV show, Sam’s mom recently married Brooke’s dad, thereby suddenly making these two very different girls stepsisters. “I’m glad to see that you’ve finally done a bowel movement in school, Sam,” Brooke says to her stepsister, “Even if it was in the wrong bathroom, it’s definitely better than messing in your panties.” Immediately I bang my gavel to restore order – banging it directly toward Brooke. “Haven’t you learned your lesson yet about those comments of yours?” I warn her, “Do I really have to give you another writing assignment to teach you a lesson. “Sorry, sir,” Brooke answers contritely.

But taking a look at Sam’s toilet record, I have some comments for Brooke. “Sam has only had 2 soiling accidents this year,” I tell her, “They’re certainly nothing to be proud of but it’s hardly worth your comments and making it seem like she messes her panties all the time.” “Yeah, she’s only had 2 accidents,” Brooke says with a laugh, “I guess she must be toilet trained after all.” Actually, I’m in no mood to debate this Brooke. I warn her once again to keep her comments to herself and I move on to dealing with Sam.

“I went to use the faculty bathroom in the librarian’s office,” reports Miss Spellman, a young and pretty Math teacher, “I had to do an um, um well #2 and I like to go in there because of the privacy. That particular bathroom is just a one-toilet one user at a time bathroom just like you’d find in someone’s house. It’s a bit out of the way, but I can certainly understand why it would be a nice place for teachers to have a bowel movement. “So I get to the bathroom and I have to wait because someone is already in there,” Miss Spellman continues, “Imagine my surprise when it’s not another teacher but Sam who comes waltzing out.” “And then I go in there to find the toilet clogged, to boot,” the pretty Math teacher adds, “The water was up to the rim of the bowl and there’s a pretty big bowel movement and toilet paper stuffed in the drain.” “I ended up having to use the student girls’ room across the hall,” she adds, “It’s not so bad going in there just to urinate, but I really shouldn’t have had to do an um, well #2 in the student girls’ room.”

“I’m sorry about Miss Spellman having to go in the other bathroom, but I really didn’t mean to clog the toilet,” Sam explains, “I just went a lot and it was just too much for the toilet to flush down, I guess.” That much I can certainly believe – there is certainly no indication that she clogged the toilet on purpose – but is hard to believe is her claim that she had permission to use that bathroom there in the librarian’s office. “Mr. Giles said that I could use it – I swear, “Sam insists, “And I’m pretty sure he’s told other girls they could use it, too.” Mr. Giles is the school’s new librarian – recently taking over from the suddenly departed Mrs. Corbin.

“I think that she’s probably telling the truth about that,” Miss Spellman tells us, “I also have a case against Buffy for using that same toilet and she also said that Mr. Giles gave her permission to use it.” Looking over the TVPC’s agenda for today, I see that I have several cases of students using a faculty bathroom and a closer look at those Violation Reports indicates that they are all for using the Librarian’s office bathroom. We might as well deal with all these cases together.

Willow, a cute and bookish junior, and Dawn, a petite but pretty freshman, are also charged with using that same bathroom. They and Buffy have apparently become friends with Mr. Giles and spend a lot of time in the library with him. I think that this whole situation is all beginning to make a little sense now. Upon questioning, Willow and Dawn admit that they did indeed each have a bowel movement in there, but only with Mr. Giles’ permission. “I only peed in there,” Buffy answers, “But Mr. Giles gave me permission to use it as well.”

“Dawn and I were talking one time about how we hate to use the girls’ rooms – especially when we have to do you know what,” Willow explains, “So Mr. Giles just said that we could just use his bathroom if we needed to.” “The school newspaper office is right there in the library,” Sam explains. “I was sitting there working on a story, but I also had to go BM really bad and was holding it in,” she tells us, “I think Mr. Giles noticed how uncomfortable I was holding it in, so he offered me the use of his toilet.” “I was just looking for a nice place to do what I had to do and he was just offering to help,” she adds.

Miss Bliss, a History teacher, has 3 more cases of girls she caught using the librarian’s bathroom today. Penny, a very bright but shy sophomore; Ellen, a cute and easy going junior; and DJ, a friendly and likeable junior, are all charged with using that bathroom. It really must have been a FULL HOUSE in there. All 3 apparently went in there to have bowel movements. I’m sure that they urinated as well, but it seems that the need to have a bowel movement is what drove them to that more private, out of the way facility. “We never had these problems when Mrs. Corbin was the librarian,” Miss Bliss comments, “I know that some people didn’t like her, but at least she knew how to keep a faculty bathroom for the faculty to use.” “At least, us teachers could go have a bowel movement in there without worrying about students being in there,” she adds. “I also caught Xander using that bathroom a little while ago, but obviously he’s a guy,” Miss Bliss informs us, “I know we can’t punish the guys, but I figured we’d refer his case to the new TVPC that deals with that.

Obviously, we are trying to get a hold of Mr. Giles, but he has apparently already gone home for the day. “Did somebody try his cell phone?” asks Mrs. Karbopple, a TVPC member. The question draws giggles from Buffy, Willow, Xander and Dawn. “Mr. Giles doesn’t actually have a cell phone,” Buffy speaks up, “He only likes books – He’s not exactly big on technology.”

This, of course, presents a dilemma for the TVPC. We could postpone all these cases until tomorrow when we could have Mr. Giles with us, but I really don’t want to make all these girls attend another TVPC session. The more we think about it, the more we’re all convinced that the girls are telling the truth. “I believe you all,” I tell them and note for the record, “I believe that Mr. Giles did indeed give you permission to use that bathroom.” “That doesn’t mean that you all are entirely innocent, though,” I continue, “You all knew the rules and you knew that bathroom was only for the faculty.” “Even with Mr. Giles’s permission, I could still punish you all for using it,” I point out, “But given the circumstances, I will find you all ‘Not Guilty’ of using a faculty bathroom.” The girls (and Xander) are certainly happy to hear that news. But I have more to tell them. “I will talk to Mr. Giles first thing tomorrow, but you girls are all on notice,” I tell them, “You are all on notice that that bathroom is strictly off-limits to students.” “And if you are caught using it again,” I add, “I can assure you, you will receive the maximum punishment allowed under TVPC rules.”

“Oh Please, can’t you let us that bathroom when we need to,” Penny begs, “It is so nice and it has so much privacy.” “I won’t use it all the time, honest” she adds, “I just want to go in there when I need to do a BM.” “I promise I’ll never mess in my panties again, either,” Penny (a frequent panty-soiling offender) adds, “If I could just use that bathroom when I need to I’ll never have an accident in school again.” “I’m sorry, Penny, but you’ll just have to use the regular girls’ room just like everybody else,” I tell her, “If you don’t and then you wind up going in your pants AGAIN, you’ll just have to do the punishment.”

“You are all free to go,” I announce, “Everyone that is, except Sam.” “I will find you ‘Not Guilty’ of using a teachers’ bathroom,” I tell Sam, “But that doesn’t excuse you from clogging the toilet – I will indeed be finding you ‘Guilty’ on that charge.” “You’ll only be given the punishment for clogging a toilet in the girls’ room,” I further explain, “I won’t give you the extra punishment that you’d get for clogging a teachers’ toilet.” I note for the record that this is a “Category #2 clog – that is, a clog with a bowel movement and toilet paper. That is a little more serious than clogging with a bowel movement only (that is a “Category #1 clog), but not all that serious on the scale of what a girl can clog a toilet with. Sam gets 2 days detention and has to write 200 times, “I will not clog the toilet in school again.” She’ll also write Miss Spellman a 1,000 word letter of apology. Still, Sam questions the severity of her punishment. “I know that I clogged it but it’s not like I made it overflow,” she points out. “If you’d made it overflow you’d be spending your detention time cleaning bathrooms,” I explain, “Overflowing a toilet would actually be another violation.”

As the other girls leave, and Sam takes a seat back in the detention section (being sure to sit nowhere near Brooke), I take a moment to address Xander. “Since I don’t have jurisdiction over the boys, I can’t find you ‘Not Guilty’ like I did for the girls,” I tell a disappointed Xander, “I still have to refer your case to the other TVPC for disposition.” “It’s entirely up to them whether to punish you for this or not,” I add, “And at this time, you are still charged with ‘Using a Faculty Bathroom.’” “But suffice to say, I hope that you won’t be doing any more bowel movements in that bathroom,” I warn him.

For our last case today, the TVPC recognizes Miss Mars – a gorgeous young teacher and enthusiastic supporter of our beloved committee. As she does sometimes, Miss Mars was staking out the area behind the school where she often catches girls smoking behind the storage shed. Smoking outside behind the school is not a matter for the TVPC (we only deal with smokers caught smoking the girls’ room), but our Miss Mars sometimes catches girls going to the bathroom back there as well. That, of course, is of concern to the TVPC.

I call the name of Lexi, a cute, athletic junior with deep blue eyes. As she rises and takes the podium, she’s already fighting back tears – she knows how much trouble she is in. She is currently on toilet suspension – in the middle of the second month of a 2-month sentence for flushing her soiled panties down the toilet. She knows that by going to the bathroom outside she violated her toilet suspension and everyone knows how serious that is. In fact, once she finishes serving the 2 month toilet suspension for flushing her soiled panties, she’ll have to serve another 2 weeks for a previous violation of her toilet suspension. That one was for sneaking into the girls’ room and using the toilet.

“I caught her right in the act,” reports Miss Mars, “I snuck around behind the shed and she was squatting right there – letting it out both ways right there into the grass.” “She had to go quite a bit, both ways, too,” she points out, “She went on urinating for quite a while and she left quite a pile in the grass as well.” “You let her finish?” I ask the enthusiastic young teacher. “I figured that with all the trouble she was already in, it would be a shame to stop her now,” she explains, “I didn’t think it would do any harm to just let her finish what she had started.” “That’s fine – no problem with that,” I tell her, “I just wanted to make sure that she didn’t defy you and keep on going after you told her to stop.” “That would certainly be reflected in the punishment she would receive,” I clarify as I turn to direct my attention to Lexi, “And that would be a shame since she is in enough trouble already.”

“I just didn’t want to go in my pants, especially not both ways,” she says, “I know what I did was wrong, but I just didn’t want to go in my pants.” “I’m sorry,” she says, breaking down in tears, “I’m really sorry.” “Going in your pants is what happens when you are on toilet suspension,” I remind her, “And having to go in your pants for a longer time is what happens when you violate a toilet suspension.” “I would have thought that you’d have learned your lesson with getting your toilet suspension extended last time,” I explain, “I never would have thought you’d be foolish enough to try that again.”

“Again?” she says with a look of puzzlement in her eyes. “This is only the first time I’ve ever gone to the bathroom outside,” she explains, “This should be a first offense.” It’s an interesting argument – one obviously designed to get her a lesser punishment – but a seriously flawed one. “I don’t care if it’s the first time you’ve gone to the bathroom outside,” I explain and note for the record, “This is the SECOND time that you’ve violated a toilet suspension – It is the second time that you violated the SAME toilet suspension” “Accordingly, you will be punished for a SECOND offense,” I clarify. “What you did out there behind the storage shed was jus totally inexcusable,” I tell her, shaking my head, “And that will certainly be reflected in the punishment you receive.”

I could extend her toilet suspension for another 2 months as a second offense, but I figure that an additional 1 ½ months would be the most appropriate. “Your 2 month original sentence would be over in less than 3 weeks,” I note, shaking my head, “But now with this and your previous violation, you’ve gotten yourself an additional 2 months.” “You’ll also take some paper towels and a plastic bag,” I tell her, “And you’ll go back out and pick up your pile of feces.” “You can go dump that on your lawn at home,” I tell her. She also gets a stern sentence of writing punishment – having to write “I will not urinate and defecate outside while on toilet suspension” 1,000 times on the blackboard after school and an additional 1,000 times on paper for homework. Once again, all I can do is shake my head at this very foolish decision to violate her toilet suspension.

So concludes another session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee. Meeting adjourned at 3:50 PM.

[Narada]

Nice one! The idea of Kerry Russel, who played Felicity on TV, with a BM in her panties is just about the hottest thing ever! Whenever I get round to posting my next TVPC session, I am sure Xander will be found not guilty as well.

[spandexman]

Love the scholl representation angle.

Going to jail in the Scared Shitless program and dropping a torpedo, priceless and paris and Lyndsey to boot! Perhaps next time an inmate can help to clean them up. As for Miss Mars, that slut is a lesbian through and through. She is looking for action not crimes. As always well done Arnold. Thanks

[Arnold Ziffel]

Thanks

Thanks to both of you for your kind words.

Narada -- Felicity seems to behaving erratically as of late -- I'm thinking it may not be the last time she's before the TVPC. It is indeed a wonderful thought to think of her with a load in her panties. Xander is in your committee's hands now, you don't have to find him "not guilty" on my account -- that's all entirely up to you. I know you were a big fan of Claudia but I hoping you'd pick up on Julia a little bit -- I saw a clip on youtube of a Party of Five episode where Julia was stuck in a skimpy cocktail waitress uniform and was jumping around having to pee. On the clip I saw, the situation never really resolved itself.

Spandexman -- For some reason, I just find it hard to work the teachers into the storylines -- other than Miss Musso, the cheerleading coach, of course. I can't make any promises on the others, but I'll try to keep it in mind.