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Something happened and I really need to talk to someone about it.

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  • Something happened and I really need to talk to someone about it.

    Long story short: My sister pooped herself, I masturbated to her, and now I hate myself.

    Here is the full story:

    My little sister (she's 18. Literally just graduated. I'm 23. She's also adopted) was riding her bike and was hit by a drink driver. She's going to be okay once everything heals, but for now she's in rehab now recovering from a lot of injuries. She is pretty much bedridden for the time being. She has a catheter to pee and the nurses help her use a bedpan to poop. The medicine they're giving her and the food they're feeding her isn't agreeing with her stomach, so she's had diarrhea and wears a diaper just in case the nurse can't get to her in time to use a bedpan.

    Last night I went to go visit her. I stayed for a few hours and everything was normal at first. We were talking about a movie or video game or something when I noticed that she was spacing out and was holding and rubbing her stomach. I asked her if everything was fine and she said that she had to use the bathroom and pressed the button to call the nurse. She couldn't hold it long enough for one to come and had explosive diarrhea in her diaper. That's when for literally the first time in my life I felt attracted to my sister and I don't know why. I have never and I honestly truly mean NEVER felt that way before about her. She's a pretty girl but I am literally in no way sexually attracted to her at all. We're really close and she's kinda a tomboy and is open about her bathroom habits. She farts freely and talks nonchalantly about peeing and pooping. I've been on the bathroom lots of times with her on the toilet taking a dump and this wasn't the first time I witnessed her pooping herself either. The last time really wasn't even that long ago. She got sick at school and I picked her up to take her home and she ended up having an accident in the car. Although I've always had this fetish for as long as I can remember, I've never once felt attracted to her ever. Honest to God.

    But I'm not done. It gets worse. By now I had sat back down and we're just sitting in awkward silence as I'm trying to hide my erection. The room smells really bad even though the window was open and the fan was running. A few minutes pass then a nurse walks in the room. She sniffed the air, scrunched her nose, then bluntly asked my sister, "Did you have another accident or did you just pass gas?" My sister said that she had an accident and the nurse said that she'd change her into a clean brief. Medical professionals call diapers briefs. It sounds a lot less degrading to some people. The nurse asked me to step outside the room and give them some privacy. I instead said that I would be leaving. My sister was still very embarrassed and quickly said bye. The nurse closed the curtain around my sister's bed and I walked out the room, but it doesn't end there either.

    I noticed that the curtain wasn't closed all the way. I could still see my sister and the bed clearly. I spied on my sister while the nurse changed her poopy diaper. I watched the whole thing. From start to finish and had the perfect view. The nurse rolled her side facing away from the door, so I could clearly see my sister's poopy butt and the nurse wiping it clean an putting her in another diaper. I then left and drove home.

    I couldn't stop thinking about what I just saw. As soon as I got home I masturbated. When I finished I left disgusted with myself. I honestly literally threw up at the thought of what I had just done. I can't look at myself in the mirror. I don't think I can even look at her again. I really don't know what came over me or why. I just need to talk to someone about this.

  • #2
    Don't be so hard on yourself. You can't help sexual feelings and connections. You can help what you do about it, so hitting on her would be bad, but rubbing yourself off is just releaving tension. Just substitute a girl yiu don't know into the fantasy.

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    • #3
      The nurse

      I have more concerns about the nurse. She sounds out of line.

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      • #4
        Assuming this is something that actually happened and not just some fantasy, I would say you shouldn't really feel guilty about what you did. Sexuality is a very, very complex subject, and fantasies of all kinds are something nobody can help. Actions, rather than thoughts, are what people should be focusing on. Nobody can change to whom or what they are attracted, only what they do with those thoughts. In regards to your situation, there's nothing you did that was inherently immoral or harmful in any way. You saw something, and became aroused by it. You went home and you masturbated. That was it. It didn't hurt your sister. I wouldn't advise confronting her about it or talking to her about it at all, because it's just another traumatic event in her life, and talking about it would just be embarrassing. For you though, it's just an image in your mind. You cannot expunge it, and it isn't causing you any harm.

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        • #5
          I agree with the others here. Be kind to yourself; there was no harm done.

          Best wishes to your sister for a full recovery. I'm a cyclist too -- it happens way too often.

          -- AT

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