Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

[Arnold Ziffel]

Welcome to a session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.

My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of Wednesday, Sept 18, 2019.

Our first case before the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) this afternoon is that of DJ, a down-to-earth, well-mannered junior beauty. She is charged with wetting her pants -- specifically, that the she did so in Main Corridor Girls’ Room between 5th and 6th periods earlier this afternoon. As DJ takes the podium, I note that her pants -- a rather sloppy looking pair of faded blue jeans which is quite untypical of her -- surprisingly show no sign of wetness. She has, however, pleaded “Guilty” to the “Panty-Wetting” charge so I’m thinking that she’s changed her pants since it happened. Her best friend Kimmy is here with her, although I’m not sure if it’s only for moral support or if Kimmy is a witness to the incident.

I begin by addressing the issue of DJ’s pants. “I did change my pants, sir,” the pretty blonde acknowledges, “My other pants were just soaking wet from the wetting.” “Those are my pants,” Kimmy then chimes in, “I always keep a spare pair of pants at school just in case.” That actually makes a little more sense. While not exactly one who has frequent accidents, Kimmy certainly would be more likely than DJ in needing a spare pair of pants at school. But with the source of her borrowed blue jeans now revealed, I’m almost hesitant to ask the next question. I mean, if DJ’s pants got soaked from her wetting accident, what does that say about her underwear. “I wouldn’t think it would make sense to put on dry pants if you don’t also put on dry underwear,” I note to DJ. DJ then tells us that she borrowed a pair of those from Kimmy as well. That revelation raises a few eyebrows in the committee room until DJ speaks up to clarify things. “They were new panties -- fresh out of the package,” DJ assures us, “They had never been worn before.” “Ewww!” DJ then adds at the notion that they wouldn’t be new, “Kimmy and I are friends but that -- well, that’s just Ewww!” Here comment draws a few giggles from the assembled crowd. “Kimmy is a true friend,” DJ then comments, turning towards Kimmy, “She really came through for me when I needed help today after wetting myself.”

Getting more the wetting itself, the pretty blonde honor student tells us that she headed immediately for the Main Corridor Girls’ Room following her 5th Period English class. “I was bursting, sir,” she tells me, “I mean, that I had to go so bad it actually hurt.” “When class was over, all I could think about was making a beeline down the hall to the girls’ room,” the likeable, good-natured beauty explains, “But when I got there, all the stalls were already taken and there was a line forming already.” “It was a real FULL HOUSE in there,” she says, “A real FULL HOUSE indeed.” For some reason, Kimmy starts giggling uncontrollably at that -- as if it’s supposed to be some secret code or something. DJ then explains that the line for the stalls seemed to not move at all. “Maybe it was just me, sir, because I had to go so bad,” she speculates, “But the girls in the stalls at the time seemed to take forever.” “I don’t know but maybe a lot of girls were doing you know what in there,” she suggests.

“And you didn’t have to do ‘you know what’ as you put it,” Mrs. Karbopple, a TVPC member, asks her. “Actually, I did,” DJ responds, “But that really wasn’t so urgent -- I was just desperate to pee.” DJ continues, telling us that suddenly 5 girls all at once exited the stalls and headed over to the sinks. “But I was 6th in line,” she laments, “I still couldn’t get into a stall.” It was then, as DJ explains it, that her bladder just gave up. “I guess my poor bladder had just had enough, sir,” she tells me, “All of a sudden, it just came pouring out of me.” “I was just one person away from getting into a stall and getting on the toilet,” she laments even more, shaking her head, “But unfortunately, I had just waited too long -- My bladder apparently just decided that it had had enough and there was nothing I could do about it.” “Hot pee just flooded my pants,” DJ tells us, “And then I could feel it running down my legs.” “I was so embarrassed, sir,” the pretty blonde junior explains, “All I could do was stand there in the girls’ room and uncontrollably pee my pants.” “I was soaked, sir,” DJ adds, “I was absolutely soaked.” “I guess my bladder being so full, there was a lot in it to wet my pants with,” she speculates, “I thought it was never going to stop coming out in my pants.”

Hearing that I have to ask her about trying to regain control of at some point. “I just couldn’t, sir -- I just couldn’t,” she says, “I tried but I just couldn’t get control of it.” I also ask her why she didn’t go to the girls’ room sooner. “I mean, you obviously had to go quite badly,” I note, “I’m wondering why you didn’t just ask for a girls’ room pass from Miss Johnson.” Miss Johnson, obviously, is her 5th period English teacher. “I don’t know, sir, I just didn’t,” she answers, “Obviously, in hindsight, I should have, but I just didn’t.” “I actually did make it to the girls’ room in time,” she then notes, “If there had been an open stall then, I’d have made it onto a toilet in time, too.” “Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda,” I tell her, “The point is to make it onto the toilet in time.” “Without actually making it onto the toilet in time, it doesn’t really matter much, does it?” I ask her. “I guess not, sir,” she answers me.

“You would have made it if you grabbed the garbage can and peed in there like I told you,” Kimmy then chimes in. Everyone -- including DJ -- then gives Kimmy a dirty look. “Yeah, but I kind of like having toilet privileges here in school,” DJ tells her friend, “I really didn’t want to get put on toilet suspension.” “DJ is correct,” I then point out, mostly to Kimmy, “Intentionally urinating in an inappropriate place is indeed a toilet suspension.” “And it comes with a hefty writing assignment and a good bit of bathroom cleaning detention as well, Kimmy,” I tell the girl, “Now does that seem like something you’d want to do, young lady?” “No, sir,” Kimmy then answers, in an uncharacteristic serious tone -- hopefully, a little bit wiser than before.

In the meantime, this being DJ’s first accident offense of the school year and having no other violations, she is formally given a warning and dismissed with no additional punishment.

For the next matter, I welcome to the TVPC, Miss Mars, a gorgeous blonde-haired gym teacher and great friend of the TVPC. “Is it time for one of your crusades again, Veronica?” I ask her in a bit of good-natured teasing, “Setting a tone early in the school year I see.” “I hate smoking,” she says, “It’s bad for you and it really stinks up the bathrooms.” Miss Mars, it seems -- as she often does -- was staking out one of our girls’ rooms in an attempt to catch girls smoking in there. And today, she has Kurstan, a tall, skinny junior charged with smoking in the New Addition Girls’ Room. Fortunately for Kurstan, it’s a first offense because a second offense for Smoking in the Girls’ Room is a mandatory toilet suspension. A toilet suspension, of course, is when a girl is banned from using any school bathroom for any reason. Still, we do have the option of imposing a toilet suspension for a first offense and, at minimum, the junior beauty is in for a hefty writing assignment and a good bit of detention.

But before getting down to business in this case, Miss Bliss, a History teacher, has her hand raised requesting permission to speak. Of course, I grant her permission to do so. “I’m Kurstan’s Social Studies teacher,” Miss Bliss tells us, “My class is where she should have been when she was instead smoking in the girls’ room.” The comment raises a few eyebrows on the committee because this could be grounds for an additional charge against Kurstan and perhaps the difference between whether we decide to impose a toilet suspension or not. Cutting class, for example, for the purpose of hanging out in the girls’ room to smoke, would certainly be sufficient grounds to take away the girl’s toilet privileges for at least a week. When I make note of that, though, Kurstan is quick to tell me that she wasn’t cutting class but had instead gotten a pass to the girls’ room from Miss Bliss.

Miss Bliss, though, takes exception to that. “I gave you a pass to go to the bathroom,” she admonishes Kurstan, “I didn’t give you a pass so you could go smoking.” “I assumed you needed to use the toilet and that’s why I let you go,” she tells the girl, “Obviously, I wouldn’t have let you go if I knew the real reason you wanted the pass.” “Needless to say, you can kiss your bathroom pass privileges goodbye for the rest of the year,” the pretty teacher tells Kurstan. But Kurstan counters that it wasn’t just for smoking that she asked for the pass. “I did need to go to the bathroom and I did go to the bathroom,” the junior brunette argues, “That’s why I wanted the pass.” “O-K -- I was smoking in the girls’ room and I know that’s wrong,” she continues, “But that’s not why I went to the girls’ room -- That’s not why I asked for the pass.” “I really did have to go to the bathroom -- I had to go both ways,” she explains, “It’s just that while I was sitting on the toilet doing it, I also lit up a cigarette.” “And then Miss Mars comes bursting out of one of the other stalls and catches me,” Kurstan adds. Looking over, I see the very lovely Miss Mars with a very broad smile. “I did it, I’m caught, I’m guilty,” Kurstan acknowledges, obviously in reference to the smoking, “But I really was going to the bathroom, too.” Miss Mars herself confirms that. “I caught her right in the middle of wiping herself,” the gorgeous blonde-haired gym teacher notes with a smile and a laugh, “I caught her with the cigarette in her mouth and a dirty wad of toilet paper in her hand.”

Looking over to Miss Bliss, I tell her that she can still press charges if she thinks the reason that Kurstan asked for the girls’ room pass was to smoke. “It would still be a charge for getting a girls’ room pass under false pretenses if the real reason for the pass was to smoke,” I tell the popular History teacher, “The fact that she did actually use the toilet while she was there, doesn’t change that.” “And that’s, of course, assuming you wouldn’t have given her the pass if you knew it was for smoking,” I note. But I caution her that it would be a difficult charge to prove. “Obviously, she did use the toilet and it was both ways,” I point out, “If Kurstan says she actually requested the girls’ room pass for legitimate purposes, who are we to say that she didn’t.” Checking again with Kurstan, she assures us that the real reason for the pass was indeed to use the toilet. “Don’t lie to me,” I caution her, “If you really did request that pass to smoke, it’s best to just admit that now.” “If we later find out that you’re lying to us now, I can guarantee you’re getting a toilet suspension.” “It’s best that you simply admit the truth and take your punishment now than making it worse on yourself,” I suggest. Kurstan, though, insists that her real reason for going to the girls’ room today was indeed to use the toilet. “I know I smoked in the girls’ room -- I admit that I’m guilty of that, sir,” she tells me contritely, “But that’s all that I did -- I’m not guilty of the other thing.” “I needed to use the toilet, sir,” she reiterates, “I needed to go both ways.” With that, Miss Bliss declines to press the additional charge against her.

Still, Kurstan is guilty of “Smoking in the Girls’ Room and that’s no minor offense. As noted, I could impose a toilet suspension on her even for a first offense and I seriously consider that -- at least, a short one -- but I really have no reason to be that severe with her. Instead, I give her the choice of writing “I will not smoke in the girls’ room in school again” 500 times and serving 2 weeks detention or writing that sentence 1,000 times and serving only 1 week of detention. The pretty junior brunette hesitates at first -- obviously not liking either option. But, as I noted, Smoking in the Girls’ Room is a serious offense. “Pick an option or you’ll do BOTH 1,000 times AND 2 weeks detention,” I angrily tell her. Reluctantly, she chooses the longer detention and the 500 times. “I hate writing those lines,” she remarks. “Then don’t smoke in the girls’ room,” Mrs. Adler angrily remarks back -- beating me to it in the process. She also suggests that Kurstan be offered the option of only a single week in detention in exchange for a week on toilet suspension. Looking over at Kurstan, I indicate that I would indeed be open to that option. Not surprisingly, though, she declines to be placed on toilet suspension. “Smoke in the girls’ room again and you won’t have a choice,” I sternly warn her, “It’ll be 1,000 times AND 2 weeks detention as well as AT LEAST 2 weeks on toilet suspension.” “Yes, sir,” Kurstan responds -- hopefully understanding how serious an offense this is.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Kimberly, a popular blonde-haired junior, is the next girl to be called before the TVPC. She is charged with “Using Profanity to Refer to Her Bodily Functions.” Faithful readers of the TVPC surely know that girls are not permitted to use certain profane words in reference to their bodily functions. While using such slang terms such as “poop” and “dump” or “pee” and “tinkle” are discouraged, their use does not constitute a toilet violation punishable under TVPC rules. DIFFERENT STROKES for different folks, I suppose. But using profane terms such as “piss” and “shit” are indeed toilet violations. Specifically, Kimberly is charged by Miss Musso with using the word “Shit” in asking Miss Musso for permission to go to the girls’ room during gym class 7th period earlier this afternoon. The junior beauty has pleaded “Guilty” to the violation -- “OK - I did say it,” she says -- but doesn’t see what the big deal is. “This is ridiculous,” she says, “How can it be a toilet violation just for going to the bathroom?”

I look at her with an annoyed look on my face. I hate it when girls misrepresent the toilet violation they are charged with. “This isn’t a violation for just asking to go to the girls’ room -- OBVIOUSLY!” I tell her, “This is an issue of you using improper terminology in asking to do so.” “And it’s not even just an issue of improper terminology,” I then clarify myself, “It’s an issue of using terminology that is profane.” “You know there are a lot of words you can use to describe what you needed to do in the girls’ room,” I lecture her, “It’s only a select few that get you in trouble.” “Oh! -- So it’s a punishment for not asking to go to the girls’ room the right way?” she then asks sarcastically and certainly deliberately obtuse. This only increases my anger. “The thing is, young lady, that your attitude goes a long way in determining how severe your punishment is going to be,” I lecture her -- raising my voice a bit, “If I’m convinced that you’re no sufficiently sorry for what you did, I’ll just have to punish you more severely to make you sorry.” Kimberly, wisely, doesn’t give me a smart-aleck answer to that.

Checking with Miss Musso as to the details of this incident, the sexy, perennially spandex-clad teacher and Cheerleader Coach explains that Kimberly suddenly came up to her during gym class and pleaded for permission to go use the bathroom. “She used a certain word that begins with ’S’ to refer to needing a bowel movement,” Miss Musso reports, “She was requesting my permission to go back to the locker room to do it in one of the toilets there.” “I think we all know the word you’re referring to, Grace,” I then tell her, “But for the record, we all need to hear EXACTLY what the girl said. Miss Musso then reports that Kimberly told her, “I really need to take a shit.” “And by that, you meant that you needed to have a bowel movement?” I ask Kimberly. To that, the blonde-haired beauty answers, “Yes -- I was desperate.”

“You know, no one calls it that, sir,” Kimberly then tells me in a peculiar tone showing both respect and annoyance, “I mean, bowel movement may be the correct term but girls never say it that way.” “I mean, girls may not always use that particular word that I used, but they never say that they need to go have a bowel movement,” she insists. “Well, maybe you can start a new trend,” Mrs. Karbopple, a member of the TVPC, suggests, “Maybe you can set an example for the other girls in starting to refer to your bodily functions by the correct terminology.” Kimberly just gives the committeewoman that annoyed look again. “Well, there are other terms that you could use,” I then suggest to her, “They’re not exactly the correct terminology, but at least they won’t get you punished.” Kimberly then just simply looks like she not interested in what I have to say.

Before getting to the matter of the girl’s punishment, though, I need to clarify something. If she really had to “take a shit” as badly as she claimed, I wonder why she’s not also facing a charge of “Panty-Soiling” now. Naturally, I ask Kimberly about that. But the junior blonde just looks at me confused. “Well, judging by what you said, you apparently needed to do a bowel movement,” I explain to her, “And apparently you needed to do it pretty bad.” “I’m wondering how that all turned out,” I explain further, “I wonder what you did about it.” Again, she looks at me puzzled. “Well, I went back to the locker room and did it in the toilet,” she then assures me -- thinking she understands my question but not really sure. With that answer, though, the rest of us are now confused.

You let her go use the toilet?” I then ask Miss Musso incredulously, “You still let her go to the girls’ room after she used profanity like that.” Miss Musso confirms that she did -- much to the shock of myself and the other members of the committee. But Miss Musso explains simply that she didn’t want Kimberly to have an accident. “I knew she really did have to go and I was pretty sure it was an emergency,” the spandex-clad gym teacher tells us, “I could just see it in her eyes how desperate she was for a toilet.” “And I didn’t want her to have an accident,” Miss Musso explains sympathetically, “I know she was wrong to say it the way she did, but I still didn’t want her to mess in her pants.” “Unfortunately, I know how that feels -- how awful it feels when you have a mess in your pants,” she continues, “And I really didn’t want Kimberly to have to go through that.” “Punish her, of course, for using the profanity,” Miss Musso acknowledges, “But keeping her from going to the bathroom and making her mess in her panties is another thing entirely.” “I’m pretty sure she would have gone in her pants if I hadn’t let her back to the locker room and use the toilet,” she adds. I am indeed a bit surprised at that -- as are the other members of the TVPC -- but even under these circumstances, whether or not to let girls go to the bathroom during class time, it totally at the discretion of the teacher. “You’re mighty lucky, young lady,” I turn and tell Kimberly, “If not for Miss Musso’s kindness, you might very well also be facing a charge for messing in your panties.” Kimberly, though, just shrugs her shoulders, not really appreciating how lucky she was.

Looking over the girl’s toilet record, she already has 2 violations for “Loitering in the Girls’ Room” and 1 for being late to class for bathroom purposes. More importantly, though, Kimberly doesn’t really seem like she’s taking the violation seriously. I mean, it’s not a serious offense, but she not really showing any remorse at all. Accordingly, I decide that more than the usual does of punishment is in order. I therefore sentence her to write the phrase “Bowel Movement” 1,000 times. “One thousand?” she asks me, a bit surprised. “Yes indeed,” I tell her, “One thousand times!” “And then maybe after that, you’ll learn to appreciate the proper terminology for your bodily functions,” I explain, “Or at least for this particular bodily function.” And with that, the blonde-haired junior beauty apparently decides that her best course of action is to simply say nothing at all.

I am quite disappointed to see that the next girl to be called before the TVPC is a pretty and sweet senior brunette named Winnie. But as I read the Violation Report (filed by her English teacher Mrs. Buchman), I’m even more disappointed at the reason. “Again, Winnie?” I ask her. Winnie, though, doesn’t answer but just lowers her head in shame. The unfortunate reality is that there is no need for her to answer as it’s readily obvious what her violation is. Becky, a classmate of Winnie who is sitting right behind her in the detention section, holds her nose and fans the air in front of her. “Ewww! -- And it smells like a fresh one, too,” she remarks in an obvious reference to what Winnie has got in her panties under those tight-fitting jeans of hers. Becky and Winnie -- although they look so much alike they could be sisters -- are obviously not friends. Her nasty remark -- much like the straw that broke the camel’s back as to Winnie’s humiliation -- reduces the toilet-troubled senior brunette to tears. Banging my gavel angrily at Becky, I warn her that comments like those will not tolerated by the TVPC.

Turning now to Winnie, she doesn’t even bother to offer up an excuse and doesn’t really have much to say at all. “I’m sorry, sir,” she mumbles through her tears, “I’m just so sorry.” It’s hard not to feel sorry for such a sweet and likeable girl as Winnie, who is obviously terribly embarrassed at having such an accident. But she is a senior now and these accidents keep happening. I’m left just shaking my head at the pretty honor student as she stands before me in turns with yet another accident in her pants. “Shame on you, Winnie,” I tell her -- a bit harshly, “Going in your pants like this at your age.” Looking up at me with her beautiful, sad crying eyes she mumbles that she understands. “You say that now but somehow these accidents keep happening,” I admonish her, “Don’t you think it’s long past time that these accidents in school should stop.” With that, Winnie claims what is readily obvious to all of us by now. “I’d just rather go at home, sir, instead of here at school,” she says.

Again, I’m just left shaking my head as this is a familiar story. “We have toilets here at school for a reason, young lady,” I point out, “And the reason isn’t just to urinate in.” “It’s one thing to prefer to do your bowel movements at home -- I don’t know of many girls who actually prefer to do that at school,” I lecture her, “But it’s another entirely to keep trying to hold it in to the point of messing in your pants.” “You need to learn that sometimes you have no choice but to do that in the girls’ room at school,” I tell her firmly, “You should have learned that lesson a long time ago.” “But here you are less than a month into the school year -- your senior year -- with yet another mess in your panties,” I admonish her, “It’s one thing to avoid the school bathrooms if you can manage it but it’s another thing entirely to keep doing messes in your panties. “Shame on you, Winnie,” I tell her again, “Shame, Shame on you.”

This is Winnie’s first offense of the school year so she is actually entitled to be let off with just a warning and no actual punishment. It’s just that having her first accident so early in the school year, doesn’t bode well for the future. It doesn’t bode well for the rest of the school year. Winnie has obviously had accident issues throughout her high school career but this is the earliest in the school year that she had her first one. And this is her senior year, to boot. Even in her freshman year, she didn’t have her first panty-soiling accident until October. That causes me great concern as I make note of that. “I wouldn’t take much comfort in the fact that it’s only a warning this time, Winnie,” I point out to her, “At the rate you’re going, you’re going to be in for some serious punishment before the year is out.” “And any sympathy you may have gotten in the past from this committee is very much in the past,” I warn her, “If anything, you’ll be held to a higher standard as a senior and your punishments are going to be worse.” “I’d really hate to be you if you start getting up to 4 or 5 accidents or more this year,” I warn Winnie further, “Unless you start using the toilet here at school when you need to, I’m afraid you’re going to be in for a very punishment-filled senior year.” Suffice to say, the smart senior brunette isn’t happy to hear that.

Mrs. Adler, a new member of the TVPC this year, is taking a good look at Winnie’s file -- a file quite thick with Violation Reports detailing Winnie’s long history of panty-soilings here at school. This time she is the one shaking her head. She takes exception to Winnie only getting a warning for this one. “She’s a senior with a long history of going in her pants?” Mrs. Adler asks rhetorically, “And she’s only getting a warning for this?” Rhetorical question or not, I nod my head “yes.” “How does that make any sense?” she asks, “Why in the world should she only get a warning after repeatedly messing in her pants like this?” Of course, I explain that the TVPC gives each girl a “fresh start” each school year as to toilet violations. “I mean, if a girl has a punishment to complete like a toilet suspension, it does carry over into the new school year,” I clarify, “But in terms of toilet violations in the new school year -- including the warning for a girl’s first accident -- a girls starts at zero in the new school year.

Mrs. Adler is still shaking her head. “Well, it certainly shouldn’t apply to the warning,” the new committeewoman notes, “Once a girl has messed in her panties as many times as Winnie has, she shouldn’t be getting any more warnings.” “Does anyone really think that getting a warning is going to be a deterrent for her?” she asks, “Does anyone really think that Winnie isn’t going to do it again after getting a warning today?” I have no answer for Mrs. Adler other than to say that the rules are the rules and the TVPC is here to enforce the rules. “Shameful!” she exclaims, although it’s not clear if she’s referring to the rules or to the accident in Winnie’s panties. “Disgusting!” she continues -- this time making it clear that she’s referring to the toilet-troubled senior beauty and her accident, “How can a girl your age keep going in her pants like this?” “You’re a senior now, Winnie,” she points out, “Don’t you think it’s long past time you learned to use the toilet in school.”

Winnie, though, meek as she typically is, takes exception to Mrs. Adler’s comments. She claims that she does indeed use the toilet here at school. “I mean for bowel movements,” Mrs. Adler clarifies, “I’m talking about doing your bowel movements in the girls’ room instead of in your pants.” But again, Winnie claims that she does. “I went in the girls’ room here last Tuesday,” Winnie claims, “I went in the girls’ room up here on the second floor.” “I go #2 here at school a lot,” the pretty brunette claims further. “Well, you obviously didn’t do it in the girls’ room today,” Mrs. Adler points out -- frustration evident in her voice, “Obviously, today, you did it in your pants instead.” Again, with that sad tearful expression on her angelic face, Winnie acknowledges that. “Yes Ma’am,” she says sheepishly, “I had an accident.”

But I do go in the bathrooms at school -- I go in the girls’ room here a lot,” she reiterates, “It’s just that I have accidents sometimes.” “I thought I could hold it in,” she says, as the tears flow, “I thought I could wait until I got home.” Winnie points out that the accident just recently happened in her 8th period English class -- the last period of the school day. And that fact is confirmed by Mrs. Buchman, her English teacher. “I thought everything was fine as class ended,” the pretty blonde English teacher tells us, “The bell rang and it seemed like we were done for the day.” “But as Winnie turned and headed for the door, I could definitely see it, Mr. Chairman,” Mrs. Buchman continues, “You could definitely see the bulge in the seat of Winnie’s jeans. “I’m not saying it was a particularly bad accident, Mr. Chairman,” she notes, “I’m thinking maybe it was the tightness of her jeans that made it look worse than it was.” “But it was unmistakable that she had a mess, Mr. Chairman,” the English teacher adds, “And Winnie didn’t even try to deny it when I confronted her about it.” Hearing that, Winnie nods her head -- presumably in agreement. “Like I said, it only happened last period,” she reiterates.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

“What difference does it make when it happened?” Mrs. Adler chimes back in, “I don’t care when it happened.” “The point is that it shouldn’t happen at all,” she lectures the girl, “The point is that you should have done it in the toilet instead of messing in your pants.” I put up my hand to calm Mrs. Adler down. Obviously, she doesn’t get Winnie’s point. “I think Winnie is trying to tell us that she does go at school when she really has to and knows she can’t wait,” I attempt to clarify, “But sometimes she tried to hold it in -- especially when she thinks she can make it home in time.” Winnie nods her head in agreement, reiterating again that the accident only happened in her last period class. “I almost made it home,” Winnie says, “Another half hour or so and I’d have been home on my own toilet.” Winnie further explains that at lunchtime -- before she heads down to the cafeteria to eat lunch -- she goes to the girls’ room up here on the 2nd floor. “I usually wait until the bathroom clears out after the bell rings,” she explains, “It’s pretty quiet then and if I have to go BM then, I can usually do it in there.” That seems pretty reasonable -- the advantage being that she has lunch the following period and it doesn’t matter if she takes a while in the bathroom and she’s late. But the issue, I suspect, is what happens if she has to go later in the day. Naturally, I ask her about that. “That’s when you just try to hold it in and wait, isn’t it?” I ask her. “And that’s when you have accidents sometimes?” Mrs. Crabtree asks. Winnie answers “yes” to both questions. That, of course, is the problem and I tell her so. “It’s certainly a good thing that you’re handling your bowel movements in school when you do,” I tell her, “That much appears to be working fine for you.” “But when the need to go arises later in the day, you can’t just ignore it,” I lecture her, “You can’t just keep holding it in -- Especially when you’re feeling like you’re on the verge of an accident.” “I mean, sometimes I guess you can manage to hold it in and wait -- Maybe that’s most of the time,” I continue, “But other times -- Like today, obviously -- you can’t hold it in long enough and that’s when we end up with messes in your panties.” Winnie again agrees, but I’m not sure what that’s worth. She’s a smart girl and I’m pretty sure she already knew what the problem was. “Winnie, I’m afraid that sometimes in the toilet and sometimes in your panties is simply not good enough,” I lecture her sternly, “I’m afraid that you’re just going to have to do your bowel movements in school more often and sometimes that’s going to include times when it isn’t so convenient.”

Just as I’m dismissing Winnie -- with just a warning, of course -- Mrs. Buchman speaks up. “Winnie, if you have to go to the bathroom in my class again, just ask for a girls’ room pass,” she offers, “I’ll let you go if you need to.” “The girls’ room are usually pretty quiet during the actual class periods,” she points out, “You can take your time and get comfortable and do what you need to do.” “And you can even go up to the 2nd floor if you’re more comfortable in the girls’ room there,” the kindly teacher offers, “There’s really no reason that you even have to be uncomfortable holding it in much less having accidents sometimes.” “It’s really not so bad going that way at school, Winnie,” Mrs. Buchman tells the girl sympathetically, “It’s better than going in your pants and having to be punished for it all the time.” Finally dismissing the sweet and pretty brunette, I suggest that she take her English teacher up on her offer.

But just as Winnie turns to leave the committee room, Becky seemingly just can’t resist. As Winnie passes by, Becky waves the air again as if to dissipate the smell. “Fresh air?” she exclaims as Winnies moves on from her position in front of her. The comment elicits giggles from those sitting in proximity. But I, however, am not amused and that’s putting it mildly. “You were warned, young lady,” I remind her, “You were warned about those unnecessary comments.” Becky quickly apologizes but obviously, it’s too late now. I then call the pretty but overly outspoken junior up to the podium.

“How long are you in detention for?” I ask her -- the detention being for leaving a bowel movement unflushed in the toilet yesterday. “Today is my last day,” she answers me. “Well, now TOMMORROW is going to be your last day,” I tell her. Hearing that, she lets out an audible groan. But I’m not quite done yet. I also assign her to write “I will not make unnecessary comments at meetings of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee” 100 times. She lets out an even louder groan at hearing that -- maybe it’s only 100 times but it is, obviously, a pretty long sentence to write. “You have no one else to blame for yourself,” I lecture her, “I warned you about calling out like that but still you just couldn’t seem to resist, could you?” Becky nods her head, seemingly acknowledging that it is indeed her fault.

Do you think you can manage to keep silent for the rest of the meeting?” I then ask her. “Yes, sir,” Becky, contritely, assures me. “Well, lets see to it that you do,” I admonish her, “It‘ll be a worse punishment if I have to speak to you about this again.” Becky nods her head as I direct her back to her seat in the front row in the detention section.. Mrs. Adler suggests that we send her to the corner to finish her detention there, but I suggest that that isn’t quite necessary. “It’s not necessary, is it?” I ask Becky. “No sir,” she tells me -- no doubt fully aware that that’s where she’s going next if she can’t manage to control herself.

Before moving on to our next case, we apparently have an impromptu bit of committee business to tend to. BLOSSOM, a pretty, well-liked honor student has just entered the committee room and apparently has something to report. “This should only take a minute, sir,” she tells me. As such, I motion her to the podium.

“First, let me say that I didn’t do it,” the bright and articulate senior beauty tells me with a smile, “I didn’t do it and I want to make sure I don’t get blamed for it.” Smiling in return, I assure her that we won’t blame her for something she didn’t do. Blossom then explains that she just finished with a meeting or our school’s Science competition team -- a team that she is the captain of. “I was heading home but figured I’d best stop off in the girls’ room first,” she tells us, “It wasn’t really an emergency or anything but the girls’ room in the Science Wing was right there, so I figured I might as well take care of business there before heading home.” “I had to go both ways,” Blossom notes -- a bit sheepishly. The implication being that had she had to go one way or the other, she’d probably have waited, but since she had to go both ways she thought it best to care of it now and not hold it in any longer.

The likeable senior beauty then explains that when she went into the girls’ room in the Science Wing, she headed immediately for the last stall away from the door. “That’s the stall I always try to use when I have to do what I was going to do,” Blossom points out. “But there was a umm…well, an umm…a mess on the toilet seat, sir,” Blossom tells me, “Both sides of the toilet seat were messed on kind of bad.” Blossom‘s revelation raises a chorus of “Ewww“ from the assembled crowd. “I mean, one side was messed a lot worse than the other side,” the senior Science whiz explains, “But both sides of the toilet seat had ….well, umm…umm, fecal matter smeared on it.” “At first, I thought some girl must have been squatting with the seat down,” she explains further, “I was thinking that she was trying to go in the toilet but unfortunately just somehow missed the bowl.” “But I don’t know how a girl could get it on BOTH sides of the toilet seat like that,” Blossom speculates, “I guess it could happen but I’d think that if a girl squatted and had bad aim, she’d just get it on one side of the toilet seat and not the other.”

“I think it’s more likely a case of a girl sitting down on the toilet seat after she’s done a mess in her panties,” Mrs. Crabtree, a member of the TVPC, counters, “It’s kind of rare for a girl to mess the toilet seat that badly -- especially if, as you say, she’s managed to mess on both sides of the toilet seat.” “Our experience is that messes like that usually happen when a girl instead has a bowel movement in her pants,” the committeewoman explains, “And then she goes to use the toilet to either urinate or perhaps try to clean herself up a bit in the stall.” “Her backside is oftentimes quite messy from having a load in her panties,” Mrs. Crabtree explains further, “And then when she sits down on the toilet seat, she ends up getting that messy as well.”

Blossom nods her head that she understands. “I guess so, Ma’am,” Blossom tells her, “I guess that explains how both sides of the toilet seat got messed on.” “Yes, and I think that girls mostly know to lift up the toilet seat first when they decide to squat,” chimes in Mrs. Karbopple, another TVPC member, “I mean, we do get cases of girls squatting with the toilet seat down, but I think most girls are careful about that.” Again, Blossom nods her head in agreement. “I rarely squat myself, but when I do I’m always careful to lift up the toilet seat first,” she tells Mrs. Karbopple.

Directing us back to the matter at hand, Blossom then informs us that she went into another stall, did what she “needed to do,” and then came here to report the mess on the toilet seat. And I, of course, commend Blossom for doing so. I then officially authorize a TVPC investigation into the matter -- an investigation to find who soiled the toilet seat and the circumstances behind it. I authorize Miss Robinson (a Science teacher) to head that investigation. Upon questioning from me, Blossom states that she didn’t actually see anyone else in the girls’ room and doesn’t have any idea who might have done it. “The only thing was there were these 2 girls that came in while I was on the toilet,” Blossom reports, “I think one of them mentioned something to the other about just having gotten out of detention.” “But both girls just went into stalls and I’m pretty sure that they both urinated,” Blossom reports further, “I didn’t see who they were because I was still on the toilet by the time they were done.”

Blossom also confirms that she didn’t think anyone from her Science team meeting did it. Still, I ask her to make sure that Miss Robinson has a list of all the girls at that meeting. “It could be a student who was here after school for detention,” Mrs. Karbopple suggests. Miss Robinson assures her that they’ll take a look at those students that were in detention this afternoon -- especially in the Science classes. “I mean, I suppose it could be any girl who had to stay for detention,” Miss Robinson explains, “But since the mess happened in the girls’ room in the Science Wing, it’s probably more likely that it was a girl in detention in a Science class.

Thanking Blossom again for reporting the matter, she is dismissed. Miss Robinson, on the other hand, heads to the Science Wing girls’ room to get a look at the messed-on toilet seat and begin her investigation.

Our next case this afternoon concerns a very pretty blonde-haired sophomore named Emma. Emma stands accused by Miss Spellman of “Using Too Much Toilet Paper” as the prissy sophomore beauty wiped herself after a bowel movement in the 2nd Floor Girls’ Room earlier today. It’s no surprise at all seeing Emma here with an issue about toilet paper. Three times last year she was punished for excessively lining the toilet seat with it -- presumably to form a barrier so she could sit down and use the toilet. But this charge is “Using Too Much Toilet Paper” and is different than “Wasting Toilet Paper” as she’s previously been punished for. This charge -- that she did use the toilet paper to wipe herself but used more than was necessary -- is less serious than simply wasting it on something other than wiping herself. Miss Spellman, a Math teacher who was monitoring the 2nd Floor girls’ room at the time, claims that Emma used a “a ridiculous and unnecessary” amount of toilet paper this afternoon. Emma, on the other hand, defends her toilet paper usage and pleads “Not Guilty” to the charge.

Reading the Violation Report filed by the pretty Math teacher, I have some concerns. While I don’t doubt that Emma used quite a large quantity of toilet paper in wiping herself this afternoon -- As noted, she’s a prissy, girly-girl type and I’d imagine her to be quite meticulous in matters such as that -- It’s another thing to actually charge her with using too much. “It’s hard, quite frankly, to establish that a girl’s toilet paper usage was excessive,” I point out to Miss Spellman, “It’s not like the charge of ‘Wasting Toilet Paper’ where all you have to show is that a girl used the toilet paper for something other than wiping herself.” “There’s obviously considerable variation in toilet paper usage among our girls and that is to be expected,” I explain, “TVPC rules give girls considerable leeway when it comes to wiping themselves after a bowel movement.” Miss Spellman assures me that she understands all that but wants to proceed with the charge against Emma nonetheless. “Just because one girl uses more toilet paper than another girl does doesn’t mean it’s a toilet violation,” I point out, “Some girls are obviously more diligent than others in making sure to clean their backsides thoroughly.”

“This was more than just diligence in making sure her backside was clean, Mr. Chairman,” the pretty blonde Math teacher tells me, “This was way more toilet paper than anyone would reasonably use for just a regular bowel movement in the toilet.” “Even given that Emma’s bowel movement was a soft and messy one, there was no way it required as much toilet paper as she used,” Miss Spellman explains. “The amount of toilet paper that Emma used was clearly excessive, Mr. Chairman,” she argues, “In fact, it was just completely absurd and ridiculous how much toilet paper she used.”

Emma, not surprisingly, says she only used what was necessary. “Look, maybe I did use more than most girls would use,” she acknowledges, “But, as Mr. Ziffel said, that doesn’t make it a violation.” “I am diligent about wiping myself -- I hate getting skidmarks in my panties and I like to keep my backside clean,” Emma explains, “And sometimes that takes a lot of toilet paper to do.” “I didn’t use too much, sir -- I really didn’t,” the pretty blonde sophomore argues, “It was a messy one, sir, and I really did need all that toilet paper to clean myself.” Though Emma maintains her composure, I can tell she’s a little upset with the charge. “Try to relax, Emma,” I tell her sympathetically, “This isn’t a serious offense and it’s your first offense of the school year.” “No one is saying that you were intentionally wasting toilet paper -- just that you used too much of it,” I point out, “Even if you’re found ’Guilty,’ your punishment isn’t going to be bad at all.”

The blonde-haired beauty nods her head that she understands and seems to calm down a bit. But she just as vehemently maintains her innocence -- reiterating her point that her “poop” was a particularly messy one. “Sometimes it’s just like that, sir, -- some poops are just more messy than other poops,” she argues, “And this was one of those really messy ones that required a lot of toilet paper to wipe.” “I just couldn’t help it, sir,” she argues further, “It was just one of those where you need a lot of toilet paper to wipe yourself clean.”

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Turning now to Miss Spellman, she first says that she sympathizes with Emma’s situation. “I know what you mean, Emma,” she tells the girl, “I oftentimes have those messy kind of bowel movements myself.” “And I think I’m pretty diligent in wiping myself and preventing skidmarks in my panties, too,” she notes. “But there’s simply no way you really needed as much toilet paper as you used, young lady,” she tells Emma, “No one could possibly need so much toilet paper just to wipe themselves after a regular bowel movement in the toilet.” “When I heard you pulling all that toilet paper off the roll, I thought you were in there cleaning yourself after having an accident,” Miss Spellman points out, “The only way you’d need to use so much toilet paper is if you were cleaning up a mess in your pants.” “And even then, it would have to be a pretty bad mess in your pants,” she adds.

But Emma just shakes her head -- her frustration evident. “I needed all that toilet paper to wipe myself -- I didn’t use too much,” Emma argues again, “I was just trying to get my behind clean and I needed all that toilet paper to do that.” She further argues how careful she was in flushing the toilet 3 times to get rid of her toilet paper rather than risking clogging the toilet by flushing it all at once. That was indeed the responsible thing to do -- girls are even encouraged not to flush too much toilet paper at once and even to flush the bowel movement separately from the toilet paper if their bowel movement is a particularly big one -- but this actually helps the case against her. It is indeed unusual for a girl to need 3 toilet flushes to handle a simple bowel movement in the toilet and Miss Spellman makes that point. “Without flushing the toilet 3 times, it would have become clogged with toilet paper,” the pretty Math teacher points out, “That’s how much toilet paper Emma used.” “And it wasn’t just that she wiped herself a lot of times, Mr. Chairman,” she continues, “If it was just that maybe I could justify how many wipes she did -- MAYBE!” “But it was also how Emma made each particular wad of toilet paper,” Miss Spellman explains, “I’ve never seen a girl make so many folds with the toilet paper before using it.” “That was what was really wasteful, young lady,” she lectures the girl, “There was no reason you had to fold those wads as thick as you did.” “You could have made those toilet paper wads half as thick and they’d still have done a fine job wiping your behind clean,” she adds.

But Emma disagrees, becoming increasingly agitated in the process. She claims that she likes to be careful to make sure that the toilet paper doesn’t break through while she’s wiping with it. “I just don’t want to get poop on my hand,” she says, in a bit of an exaggerated, disgusted tone, “I just hate getting poop on my hand when I wipe myself.” I actually don’t doubt that Emma is genuinely disgusted by the notion of getting “poop” on her hand, but her reaction is a bit much and I tell her so. I didn’t intend it be harsh but Emma, unfortunately, takes it that way. Suddenly breaking down into tears she expresses her frustration with handling her bathroom business here at school. “I was just trying to get my behind clean,” she says again. “Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do?” she asks rhetorically. “And I’m sorry, I just don’t like to get poop on my hand when I wipe myself!” she rants on, “What’s wrong with that?” Emma rants on about how she at first (during much of her freshman year) didn’t want to “go poop” in the school bathrooms because there weren’t clean enough for her. “And, of course, you punish me for doing messes in my panties,” she notes. “So then I force myself to go at school when I need to and you start punishing me for putting too much toilet paper down on the seat,” she complains, in tears, “So I learn to stop doing that, and now it’s something else.” “Now I can’t even wipe myself when I use the toilet,” she complains further.

Immediately, I grab my gavel and bang it to stop her. “No one is suggesting that you not wipe yourself after you use the toilet,” I remind her, “Obviously we encourage girls to wipe themselves after using the toilet -- Especially when they have a bowel movement.” “You just have to be more responsible in how much toilet paper you use,” I point out, “You just need to learn to get the job done with a little bit less.” “Other girls need toilet paper, too,” Mrs. Crabtree chimes in, with a smile, “You need to save some for them.” “As Miss Spellman suggested, there’s really no need to make each wad of toilet paper as thick as you were doing,” I suggest, “You could save a lot of toilet paper that way and not have to worry so much about how many wipes you need.” Emma starts to speak, but I put up my hand to stop her. “I get that you don’t want to get your hand dirty when you’re wiping yourself, Emma,” I tell her sympathetically, “But you have to learn to accept that it really isn’t the end of the world.” “It’s certainly not an excuse for using an excessive amount of toilet paper in the girls’ room,” I tell her, a bit more sternly.

The TVPC then finds Emma “Guilty” as charged -- that is, of “Using Too Much Toilet Paper.” “But we certainly understand that this wasn’t intentional or anything like that,” I quickly assuage her, “And since it’s your first offense of any kind this school year, there’s no reason to make a big deal about this.” For punishment she gets only an hour of detention and having to write, “I will not use too much toilet paper in the girls’ room again” 100 times. “But you are going to have to modify your toilet paper usage -- at least here in school,” I caution her, “The punishment obviously gets worse for repeat offenses.” “Yes, sir,” she tells me, drying her eyes.

For our next case I welcome before the TVPC a pretty and popular senior nicknamed Teddy. The outgoing and easy-going blonde just shakes her head as I read the charge against her -- that being, “Using a Non-Functioning Toilet.” As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, girls are only allowed to use toilets that are functioning properly. “Need I even ask which particular bodily function you did in the non-functioning toilet?” I ask her. The point being that with Teddy’s persistent bad luck in toilet-related matters here at school, I’m all but certain which bodily function it was. “Yes, sir -- I did a BM,” she says. Obviously, having a bowel movement in a non-functioning toilet is more serious than merely urinating in one.

“Actually, she went both ways in the toilet,” chimes in Mrs. Montgomery, a new teacher this year, and the teacher charging her, “And used a whole bunch of toilet paper as well.” “Well, obviously I wiped myself,” Teddy argues back, a tad sarcastically, “It’s just something I like to do every time I use the toilet.” “I didn’t mean to suggest anything, Teddy,” Mrs. Montgomery then clarifies, “I was just trying to report what happened -- I was just trying to be thorough. Trying to be thorough myself, I ask the new English and Journalism teacher if she’s accusing Teddy of using more toilet paper than was necessary. “No, sir -- Mr. Chairman,” Mrs. Montgomery clarifies, “I can’t say that she used too much -- As far as I could tell, she only used what was necessary.” Teddy nods her head -- obviously agreeing with that.

But getting back to the matter at hand, Mrs. Montgomery reports that she was heading into the Main Corridor girls’ room to use it herself between 5th and 6th periods today. “Teddy walked in right ahead of me,” the pretty, new teacher reports, “And we ended up heading into adjoining stalls.” “I only had to pee but I could tell that Teddy was doing more than that in the stall next to me,” Mrs. Montgomery reports further, “Teddy was still doing her business when I went over to the sinks to wash my hands.” The pretty, young teacher then tells us that she stopped 2 girls over by the toilets for panty-inspections. Panty-inspections are, of course, when a teacher checks the panties of girls she suspects may have had accidents. “I thought by the way that they were walking that they each had soiled panties,” she tells us, “But when I checked them, both girls had perfectly clean panties.” By then, as Mrs. Montgomery tells it, Teddy was done. “I was right there when Teddy came out of her stall,” she reports, “But what I didn’t hear was a toilet flushing.” “Teddy didn’t flush the toilet,” the English teacher explains. “And when I went to check it out, I saw that her toilet was indeed unflushed,” she explains further, “Her bowel movement, her toilet paper, and yellow water were all still there in the toilet.”

Teddy tells us that she did indeed head into the Main Corridor Girls’ Room to use one of the toilets there. “I had been holding it in during 5th period Calculus,” Teddy explains, “So I headed in there to go before heading down to lunch 6th period.” “I really didn’t so much have to pee -- I usually do that after I eat lunch,” the popular senior beauty explains further, “But I definitely did need to go BM and I figured I’d rather do it there than in the girls’ room across from the cafeteria.” “I guess that wasn’t so good a choice,” she adds, shaking her head -- again, conjuring up the notion of her persistent bad luck concerning her toilet matters here at school. Teddy then reports that in the stall in the Main Corridor girls’ room, she had her bowel movement, urinated a little bit, and then wiped herself as necessary. “But then when I tried to flush the toilet, nothing happened,” she reports further, “I kept pulling that handle and pulling it every which way but absolutely nothing happened.” “I tried, sir -- I really tried,” she tells me, “But that stupid toilet simply wouldn’t flush.” Teddy then confirms that Mrs. Montgomery then confronted her when she came out of the stall and she couldn’t get the toilet to flush, either.”

“Teddy is right, Mr. Chairman,” Mrs. Montgomery then chimes back in, “I tried and that toilet simply wouldn’t flush.” A subsequent check by Mr. Schneider, one of the school’s maintenance workers, confirmed that the flush mechanism on that particular toilet was broken. “And no one know that the toilet wasn’t functioning properly before this?” I ask. “Well, I didn’t know it wasn’t working,” Teddy says, “I certainly would have used a different toilet if I knew that one wasn’t going to flush.” “I just went in there, sat down and used the toilet,” she explains, “I thought I was doing the right thing with respect to my bodily functions.” The comment, as intended, draws a bit of laughter from the assemble crowd. Mrs. Montgomery confirms that she doesn’t think Teddy knew the toilet wasn’t working properly before she used it. As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, intentionally using a non-functioning toilet is a more serious offense than what Teddy did.

“I really don’t see how this is my fault, sir,” Teddy then tells me, “Like I said, I just sat down and used the toilet like I was supposed to.” “I just didn’t know the toilet wasn’t working properly,” she says, “I just didn’t know it wasn’t going to flush.” “Well, obviously it wasn’t your fault, Teddy,” I tell the popular senior beauty, “That’s why it’s not considered a serious offense.” “But we simply cannot allow girls to use toilets that aren’t functioning properly,” I tell her further, “TVPC rules are quite clear on this matter.” I also note, as faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, that using it for a bowel movement is a bit more serious than merely urinating in a non-properly functioning toilet. “Your doing BOTH bodily functions in the toilet isn’t really an issue,” I clarify for Teddy and note for the record. “Once it’s a bowel movement, that’s what we charge you with,” I explain, “We don’t double up and charge you with doing both.”

Still, since it was clearly unintentional, it isn’t considered a serious offense -- even with a bowel movement. For punishment, Teddy will have to serve an hour of detention and have to write, “I will not defecate in a non-properly functioning toilet again” 150 times. “OK -- that’s not so bad,” Teddy, always a cheerful sort, says with a smile, “I guess I’ll just have to be more careful next time.” “Well, at least you didn’t clog it this time,” I tell her. “Yeah! -- at least I don’t seem to be doing that anymore,” she adds.

The last item on this afternoon’s TVPC agenda is a bit of committee business. For this, I call to the podium an outgoing junior brunette named Trish. Her close friends AUSTIN AND ALLY are here with her -- apparently for moral support. I also note that Miss Musso is still here as this matter -- at least indirectly -- involves her. As Trish takes the podium, I note that she has a folder in her hand. “I handed in the lines yesterday morning,” the well-liked but ditzy brunette tells me, holding up the folder, “And I have my 1,000 word essay here.” “That’s good,” I tell her and direct that she hand the essay over to our TVPC clerk.

As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, when girls get written punishments to complete -- be they repetitive writing assignments or punishment essays -- they are due in 1 week. Trish picked up both a 500 times writing assignment and a 1,000 word essay for teasing Miss Musso as the sexy Gym Teacher and Cheerleading Coach used the toilet in the Girls’ Locker Room bathroom. Those were assigned at a TVPC session 1 week ago today. As she indicated, Trish already handed in the 500 times but the 1,000 word essay remained outstanding. Today, at this TVPC session, is Trish’s last chance to hand it in on time and happily (for her) she does indeed have it completed.

“You’re mighty lucky, young lady,” I tell her, “Girls oftentimes go on toilet suspension for this kind of thing.” “You’re lucky Miss Musso was as understanding as she was,” I lecture her, reiterating what I said last week, “I don’t think many other teachers would have argued for leniency after what you did to her.” “Yes, sir, I know Miss Musso is very nice -- She really gave me a break,” the chatty brunette acknowledges. “Thank you, Miss Musso,” she tells the spandex-clad teacher and coach, “Thank you, ma’am, for convincing them to give me a lighter punishment.” “I know my punishment would have been a lot worse if you hadn’t said what you said in my defense,” she says. “Well, I get that it was largely a misunderstanding,” the sexy teacher tells the girl, “I don’t think you would have done it if you knew it was me in the stall rather than a fellow student.”

“But that obviously doesn’t excuse it by any means,” I quickly remind the junior beauty. “I mean, I get that it was a misunderstanding -- I get that you didn’t know it was Miss Musso in the stall when you did what you did,” I continue, “But then again, you shouldn’t have even been a teasing another student like that, should you?” “No, sir -- I shouldn’t have,” Trish answers. “I wrote that in my essay, sir,” she tells me, “I wrote that we all deserve to be able to go to the bathroom in peace and not be treated like I treated Miss Musso.”

“Well, I hope you learned something from this experience,” I tell her, “I trust that it will never happen again.” “It DEFINITELY will never happen again -- I promise you that, sir,” Trish answers me. “It was stupid, sir -- It was a really stupid thing to do,” she acknowledges. “I can’t argue with that,” I tell her.

Checking with our TVPC clerk, he reports that Trish’s essay appears to be complete and in good order. Accordingly, it is accepted.

So concludes another session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee.
Meeting adjourned at 4:02 PM.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Trish's Punishment Essay

Name: Trish

TVPC Punishment Essay

Offense: Teasing Miss Musso in the Girls’ Room

Offense Date: Sept 11, 2019

Length: 1,000 Words

Due Date: Sept 18, 2019


I am writing this essay as my punishment for teasing Miss Musso in the girls’ locker room bathroom on September 11th. I must learn that it is not polite to tease anyone in the bathroom and especially not one of my teachers. I must also learn that it is against the rules of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee to tease others in the bathroom and that again especially applies to my teachers.

This happened on Wednesday during 4th period when I had gym. After gym class I had to pee so I went over to the toilets to do it. The three stalls that have doors on them were all occupied with girls going to the bathroom. The only stall that was open was the one that didn’t have a door on it. I guess I should have just used the one that was open, but as I wrote that one didn’t have a door on it, so I didn’t use it. I wasn’t the only one because there were several other girls waiting for stalls and no one was using the stall without a door.

While I was waiting with the other girls for a stall to open up, I could tell that the girl in the middle stall wasn’t in there just to pee. I mean, I could tell that she did pee because I heard it for awhile when I first got there. But I soon found out that instead of just peeing, she was going the other way as well. The thing was that I didn’t know the girl in the middle stall was Miss Musso. I definitely would not have teased her if I knew it was Miss Musso. But I know that’s no excuse because first, it was Miss Musso and second, even if it wasn’t Miss Musso, I still should haven’t been teasing whoever it was. When girls have to go to the bathroom -- and especially when they have to do more than just pee -- they have the right to just go into the stall, get on the toilet, and just do their business in peace. They should be allowed to just go to the bathroom without rude people like me making comments and making it more uncomfortable for them. I know that I wouldn’t like it if someone were teasing and bothering me while I was on the toilet and I shouldn’t be doing it to anyone else, either. I must learn that I shouldn’t be teasing others in the bathroom and hopefully with this essay and my other punishments I will learn that lesson.

As I said, I didn’t know it was Miss Musso in the middle stall. Again, that’s no excuse but I just want to say that I would never make fun of a teacher in the bathroom. From now on, I won’t fun of anyone, but it’s just that I wouldn’t have made fun of a teacher if I knew. I just knew that the girl in the stall was going #2 and she was taking a long time and making a lot of noise. I guess it was one of those where you really have to go and it just didn’t come out easily. I hate those and I guess I would hate it even more if I was trying to do it and someone rude like me was making fun of me in there.

But I’m sorry to say that I did make fun of Miss Musso in the stall. While I was waiting there with the other girls waiting for stalls to open up, I started making comments about how long Miss Musso was taking in there. I made fun of the fact that she was doing #2 in there. I said stuff like “Holy S___ -- She’s pooping in there” and just laughing like someone shouldn’t be doing what she was doing on the toilet. And I complained about the smell, as well. I yelled out “PU -- What stinks in here?” and “Did something die in there?” At one point, I even banged on the stall door and said, “Hurry up some of us out here have to pee!” It was at that point when Miss Musso yelled out for me to stop and I realized that it was not another student in there but Miss Musso. Of course, at that point I stopped making comments. At that point, I hurried up and got out of there and went back to the locker room to change, but obviously Miss Musso knew it was me.

Again, I am very sorry for teasing Coach Musso like that. I am very much ashamed for what I said and did that day in the Girls’ Locker Room bathroom. I am very sorry for interfering with someone else’s right to use the bathroom in peace and privacy and I am especially sorry that I did it to Coach Musso. I guess I never thought that it might be Miss Musso in there. But again, that’s no excuse because I shouldn’t have been doing that kind of thing to another student, either. I guess I just wasn’t thinking about how Miss Musso has to use the regular girls’ rooms just like we do. I guess I just assumed that it was another student because teachers have their own bathrooms and don’t usually use ours. I wasn’t thinking about the bathroom restrictions with Miss Musso and all that stuff. But I don’t mean that as an excuse because it’s obviously my own fault that it happened and, as I’ve written, I shouldn’t have been teasing and bothering other girls, either. If I had just kept my mouth shut and waited in line quietly like I was supposed to, it wouldn’t have mattered who was in the stall. It wouldn’t have mattered at all if it was Miss Musso or another student because I wouldn’t have been teasing anyone. I shouldn’t have been teasing anyone.

I am very sorry for teasing someone else in the bathroom and I am especially sorry that it was a teacher such as Miss Musso. I promise that I’ll never do it again.

[spandexman]

Thanks again Arnold

Must confess I am here to find out what is happening in the world of Grace Musso. The spandex clad beauty and spandex solier. Great report as always.