Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

[Arnold Ziffel]

Welcome to a session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.

My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of Thursday, Oct 17, 2019.

We begin this afternoon’s session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) by welcoming Mrs. Watson, Coach of the girls’ Field Hockey team. The team is off to a surprisingly good start this season but apparently hit a major bump in the road yesterday. “We not only suffered our fist loss of the season, Mr. Chairman,” Coach Watson tells me, “But we have 2 matters that require the attention of your committee.” “The restroom facilities over there at Carver HS had no doors on the individual stalls,” the pretty and enthusiastic coach continues, “So I guess it shouldn’t come as a surprise that we had a problem with some of the girls.” “But obviously that doesn’t excuse what my girls did,” Coach Watson explains, turning towards and glaring at the 2 girls accused, “Obviously, they are expected to handle their bodily functions properly regardless of the toilet facilities available.” “I guess the bright side is that we didn’t have a panty-soiling violation, Mr. Chairman,” the coach also tells me, “I know how much they anger your committee, especially when the girls are representing the school at our Field Hockey games.” As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, accidents and other violations by athletes and others who are representing the school at events with other schools are dealt with more severely than those occurring during the regular school day.

But the first matter before us is indeed an accident violation -- albeit a wetting one. Accused of the “Panty-Wetting” -- and this is, of course, a “While Representing the School” violation -- is a well-rounded junior brunette named Kelly. And Kelly readily pleads “Guilty” to having had a panty-wetting accident as charged by her COACH. “I can’t say that I actually saw her wet her pants,” COACH Watson reports, “As a matter of fact, since we wear skirts for Field Hockey rather than shorts, it wasn’t readily obvious that she’d wet herself even after she’d done it.” “It wasn’t until we got back here after the game that Eve reported it to me,” the coach explains, “A bunch of us had gone to use the girls’ room in the gym hallway once we got back here and it was Eve that reported to me that Kelly had wet panties.” Eve is an tough-minded freshman on the team and a rapidly rising star and team leader. Small in stature, she won‘t back down and whatever the situation she‘ll surely be the LAST MAND STANDING. “Kelly was in there doing a bowel movement and I think Eve had to do one as well,” Coach Watson explains further, “Eve then reported to me that Kelly had wet panties and I then did a panty inspection on her.” Kelly’s panties were definitely wet, Mr. Chairman, “the coach reports, “And I don’t mean that they were just wet with sweat on a hot day.” “They were definitely wet from being urinated in,” she reports further, “And when I confronted her about it, she admitted that she’d had an accident.” “She said she drank a lot of water at halftime and she lost control just as we were getting ready to start the second half of the game,” the coach adds.

I then turn to the pretty junior brunette to get her confirmation of what happened -- she’s already pleaded “Guilty” to it -- but before I can even ask her about it, Eve chimes in. “This was no accident, sir,” the never shy Eve then tells me, “I mean, she definitely did wet her pants but it was definitely no accident.” Immediately, I admonish the over-eager freshman beauty and suggest that if she has something she’d like to say, she should raise her hand and request permission to address the committee. As suggested, Eve then does so and I, of course, grant her such permission. “I’m sorry for calling out like that but it wasn’t really like Kelly and Coach Watson are making it out to be,” Eve tells us, “It wasn’t like Kelly was trying to hold it in and then just accidentally lost control of it.” “I saw what happened, sir and what she did was definitely no accident,” Eve argues, “What happened was that Kelly clearly wet her pants on purpose.” As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, girls going in their pants on purpose -- even if it’s only wetting -- are punished more severely than those merely having accidents. Eve’s comments draw an audible groan from the assembled crowd and I note a bit of an eye roll from both Kelly and Coach Watson. The problem is that Eve has made similar accusations -- that of girls going in their pants on purpose -- in the past. And while I’m not going to say that all those accusations were false -- at least not in the sense of Eve deliberately making false accusations -- the charges were indeed unfounded.

“Look, I do appreciate that Eve is rapidly becoming a leader on the team and that includes her diligence in reporting toilet violations on the team to me,” Coach Watson tells us. “And obviously, Eve has good toilet habits herself -- especially for a freshman,” she adds, “Be it port-o-potties or doorless stalls like yesterday, nothing seems to faze her.” “But Eve has to realize that just because a girl goes in her pants doesn’t mean she did it on purpose,” the coach continues, turning to look at Eve in the process, “She seems to think that just because a girl refuses to use the available bathroom facilities that constitutes going in her pants on purpose.” I see Eve shaking her head at her coach’s explanation, but I have to say that I’ve seen this before. “It doesn’t have to be that a girl has a realistic chance of holding it in successfully,” I explain to the enthusiastic freshman athlete, “As long as the girl is making ANY attempt at all to hold it in, she’s not considered have gone in her pants on purpose.”

But Eve is insistent that this does indeed qualify as an intentional wetting. “Well, as I indicated before, I didn’t actually see it happen,” Coach Watson reiterates. “I just know that I caught the girl with wet panties,” she explains, “And I really have no reason to believe that it was anything other than an accident.” The coach goes on to tell us that Kelly explained to her that as they were getting ready to take the field after halftime, she suddenly had an emergency and just couldn’t hold it in. “It was a hot day, Mr. Chairman and she thinks she just drank too much water at halftime,” the coach explains, “Apparently it all happened suddenly and she had no time to run to the school to take care of business.” Coach Watson notes that Kelly admitted that she already had to go at the start of halftime, but didn’t go the because she thought she could wait. I note the pretty dark-haired junior nodding her head in agreement with her coach’s account of the incident. “Of course, that was before she drank all that water at halftime,” Coach Watson adds, looking over disapprovingly at the girl. “And, as I said before, I didn’t even know that she had done it until we were back here after the game and I caught her in wet panties in the girls’ room,” she adds, “And I do thank Eve for alerting me about that.”

But Eve disputes that account of the incident. “That’s not how it happened, sir,” the pretty blonde freshman insists, “That’s not how it happened at all.” “It was halftime and Kelly looked like she was already desperate to go,” Eve reports, “In fact, she was looking so desperate that I thought she had to go both ways.” “I was expecting her to head to the school to use the bathroom but she had other ideas,” Eve continues, “Instead, she went over on the side of the bleachers away from everyone else.” “She pulled her skirt away so she was sitting directly on the grass,” the freshman explains further, “It was just her panties between her and the grass.” Eve then tells us that in that position, Kelly just let it go and peed through her panties and onto the grass. “You do it that way and only your panties get wet,” Eve points out, “Your skirt stays dry and the skirt covers up the wet panties so no one knows what you did.”

Looking over at Kelly, she’s shaking her head in disagreement, but the look on her face tells a different story. Besides, this doesn’t seem like something Eve -- or anyone else, for that matter -- would just make up. Coach Watson reiterates her earlier comments that she didn’t see it happen and that all she knows is what the girl told her when she caught her in very wet panties in the girls’ room here after the game. “I really have no reason to believe that Kelly wasn’t telling the truth when she told me it was an accident,” Coach Watson tells us, “Besides, I saw her in the girls’ room there before the game.” “I mean, it makes sense that she’d have to go again after drinking a lot of water at halftime,” the coach argues, “But I doubt she’d already have to go again by the start of halftime after just having gone before the game.”

But I see Eve again just shaking her head. “She took one look at those doorless stalls and decided not to,” Eve tells us, “I know that she had to go but there was no way she was going to be doing it there.” “It was obvious by the way Kelly was walking that she had to go,” Eve explains, “In fact, with the urgency in her step as we all walked from the bus to the girls’ room, I was pretty sure she needed to go both ways.” “But if she did, at least she managed to hold that until we got back here,” Eve explains further, “At least she had enough sense not to do that in her pants as well.”

Again, Kelly has an uncomfortable, worried look on her face. I first ask her if she did, in fact, have to go before the game but avoided doing so because of the bathroom conditions there. At first, she balks at answering the question. But I repeat the question, this time demanding an answer. Reluctantly, she admits that she did. Hearing that, I then ask her if Eve’s account is true. “Did the wetting happen just as Eve said?” I ask the pretty and smart junior beauty, “Did you do it on purpose?” Again, Kelly seems reluctant to answer. “I want the truth, young lady,” I tell her sternly, “It’s one thing to tell your COACH a story, but it’s another thing entirely to lie to the TVPC.” “I think you’re in enough trouble already, Kelly,” I warn her, “You really don’t need to make it worse on yourself by lying now.”

With that, the poor girl just suddenly bursts into tears. “I had to go both ways,” she tells me as the tears flow. “I had to go both ways from the time we first got there,” she then explains, “And I just wanted to cry when I saw that the toilets they had there had no privacy.” She goes on to tell us that she was trying to hold it in but by halftime of the game that was becoming increasingly more difficult -- especially having to hold it in both ways. “I really didn’t want to poop in my pants,” Kelly tells us, “I mean, I really didn’t want to go either way in my panties, but pooping in them is the worst.” She then explains that she didn’t think she could hold it in both ways, so she decided to just go in her pants one way (that is, urination) to focus on holding it in the other way. She then claims that her plan worked because she was able to successfully hold in “the other” and do that in the girls’ room once she got here after the game. “I just went over by myself, spread my skirt out and sat down on the grass,” she explains, “And then I just peed through my panties directly onto the grass.” “It wasn’t so bad,” she claims, “It was really only my panties that got wet.” “No way was that as bad as doing the other in my panties,” she argues, “What else was I supposed to do?”

“Well, how about just doing it in the toilet,” Eve then chimes in incredulously, “How about just going both ways in the toilet like you’re supposed to do.” But Kelly argues that that’s easier said than done with the doorless stalls and lack of privacy there. “Maybe you don’t mind people watching you when you go to the bathroom,” she tells Eve, “But most of us like a little privacy -- Especially when it’s #2 that we gotta do.” But Eve argues right back -- Arguing that it’s not like she actually liked the doorless stalls, either. “Of course, I’d rather have more privacy -- We’d all like to have more privacy for going to the bathroom,” she tells Kelly, “But no way is it an excuse for going in your pants instead.” “I’d still rather go in the toilet any day that go in my pants,” Eve continues, “And that goes DOUBLE when it’s a #2, as you put it.” But Kelly -- suddenly somewhat emboldened -- argues back that even though a bunch of our girls did “pee” with the doorless stalls, none of them went “#2” in there. “So I wouldn’t talk if I were you, Eve,” she tells the outspoken freshman beauty. “Not even you would go #2 in that horrible bathroom,” Kelly tells her, “You don’t think I noticed that you waited and did that in the girls’ room here after we got back?” But Eve just shakes her head. “I didn’t go at the game because I didn’t have to go at the game,” Eve continues, a tinge or anger in her voice, “I mean, I did urinate but that was all I had to do at the time.” “I don’t unnecessarily hold it in when I have to go,” she argues angrily at Kelly, “I go to the girls’ room and do it even if the girls’ room isn’t the greatest.” “I didn’t need to have a bowel movement until we were already on the bus coming back home,” Eve tells her teammate -- and the rest of us, “And when we got back here, I went to the girls’ room and did it in the toilet like I was supposed to!”

With that, I immediately reach for my gavel and bang it. “This is not about Eve’s toilet habits,” I point out, “It’s about Kelly’s wet panties at yesterday’s Field Hockey game. I then direct our TVPC clerk to draw up a new Violation Report on Kelly, amending the charge from a panty-wetting ACCIDENT to doing it on purpose. And Kelly then pleads “Guilty” to the amended charge. “And that’s, of course, still a panty-wetting while representing the school,” I remind her. “Yes, sir,” she then tells me dejectedly, knowing that that will bring her additional punishment. Surprisingly, Kelly has a good toilet record so far this year with no prior accidents and only a “Clogging the Toilet -- Category #2” charge on her record. But going in your panties -- regardless of which particular bodily function it is -- while representing the school is no small matter. For punishment, I offer Kelly a choice. For the wetting, she can either write, “I will not wet my panties in school or at Field Hockey games again” 500 times and serve 3 days detention or write it 300 times and serve a full week of detention. Thinking a moment, she chooses the 500 times and 3 hours of detention.

But, as faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, THAT punishment assumes that the panty-wetting was an accident. “Of course, it doesn’t end there,” I then tell Kelly and note for the record, “Since you did it on purpose, we have to double that punishment.” Hearing that, the poor girl bursts into tears once again. “I have to write that 1,000 times?!” she asks. “Indeed you do,” I tell her, matter-of-factly. She then begs me to reconsider, arguing that not only was it only a wetting but her first of the school year. But I put up my hand to stop any further arguments. “It was also a wetting while representing the school and you did it entirely on purpose,” I remind her. I do, however, offer her a chance to reconsider her options. “I’ll allow you to reconsider and choose 600 times and 2 weeks detention if you’d prefer that,” I explain. Kelly looks puzzled. Obviously, neither option is a pleasant prospect for her. Mrs. Crabtree, a TVPC member, then chimes in and suggests that (following the same pattern) we also offer her the option of writing it 800 times and serving 8 hours of detention. “Alright, you can do that if that’s what you’d prefer,” I then offer. Surprisingly, she then does choose that but she still doesn’t think her punishment is fair. “It’s not fair -- It’s just not fair,” she complains. “It’s my first time and I get all this,” she argues, “Lots of girls have done much worse and never got punished as bad.” “They go the other way in their panties and they don‘t get it this bad,” she adds. “You did it while representing the school and you did it on purpose,” I immediately argue back, “You got what you deserved.”

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Moving on to our other case from yesterday’s field hockey game, I next call Becca, a sophomore with darkish blonde hair. She’s a starting midfielder on the field hockey team and she is charged with using a faculty ladies’ room over there at Carver HS. Specifically, she is charged with using the faculty bathroom to have a bowel movement.

I really can’t say that I saw this particular violation, either,” reports Coach Watson, “I had seen Becca in the girls’ room before the game with the rest of us and I just assumed that she took care of her business there like she was supposed to.” “I suspected that she need to have a bowel movement,” Coach Watson notes, “You could definitely see a sense of urgency in the way she walking as we got off the bus and a bunch of us headed into the school to use the bathroom.” “And as we were starting the game, Becca seemed relaxed and ready to go,“ she adds, “So I just assumed she had done her business in the toilet in the girls’ room like she was supposed to.” “You know, you just suck it up and do your business and LIFE GOES ON,” the coach adds. “It wasn’t until later that I was informed she had used the faculty bathroom instead,” Coach Watson tells us, “It wasn’t until we were leaving that I was told one of our girls -- specifically #24 -- was seen coming out of the faculty bathroom near the athletic complex.” Becca, of course, wears #24 for the team. I suppose you’re another one who didn’t want to do what you needed to do in the girls’ room because of the lack of stall doors?” the coach asks her. “Yes, Ma’am,” she tells her coach, “I did go pee in there, but I just couldn’t do the other.” “I just couldn’t go poop in there,” Becca adds, “Not with no stalls and all those other girls in there, I couldn’t.”

Coach Watson is left just shaking her head as is her teammate Eve. “Who cares about stall doors,” Eve chimes in, a tone of disgust in her voice, “Nobody cares what you’re doing in the stall.” “We all do it, you know,” Eve tells the girl, “The only thing to be ashamed of is when you don’t use the toilet and you go in your pants instead.” “I didn’t go in my pants!” she then yells back at Eve, her anger evident, “I went in the toilet just like I’m supposed to.” But I, however, must take exception to that. “You weren’t supposed to do it in the faculty bathroom,” I lecture her, “You were supposed to use the STUDENT girls’ room along with your teammates.” “And obviously you knew that, didn’t you?” I ask her. “Yes, sir,” Becca acknowledges. Coach Watson then points out that the bathroom door was clearly marked “Faculty / Staff Only” and “No Students Allowed.” “And you saw that and used it anyway?” I ask her. The pretty and amiable sophomore admits that she did.

“I was desperate, sir,” Becca tells me, “I had to go poop really, really bad.” “Please, sir,” she pleads with me, “I didn’t mean anything by it -- I just wanted a place where I could go to the bathroom.” “You HAD a place to go to the bathroom,” her coach then chimes in, “And that placed was called the GIRLS’ ROOM!” “Yes, Ma’am,” she acknowledges, lowering her head with a defeated, dejected look on her face. “Please, Ma’am,” she then argues, “I just didn’t want to have an accident -- I just didn’t want to mess in my panties.” “I know it’s bad enough when we go in our pants in school,” she continues, “I know it’s even worse when we do it while representing the school.” “It was just so nice in there,” she tells us, obviously referring to the faculty bathroom, “Not only were there doors on the stalls but the whole bathroom was just spotlessly clean and they had the good toilet paper.” Apparently, Becca had no problem doing her bowel movement there.”

Coach Watson reiterates the fact that she didn’t actually see Becca using the faculty bathroom. “I was told about it as we were leaving,” she tells us, “Apparently, it was someone that saw her coming out of there and they identified her by her uniform number -- #24.” “As I understand it, they normally keep the door locked and faculty members have some sort of swipe card to get in,” Coach Watson continues, “But in this case, the custodian had just cleaned it and left the door propped open to let the floor dry.” “I guess Becca decided to take advantage of that,” the coach adds, “And I’m told that she left some pretty bad skidmarks in a toilet bowl that had just been cleaned.” “The custodian had just cleaned that bathroom and you left skidmarks in the toilet bowl,” Coach Watson turns and angrily reiterates to Becca, “As if just using that bathroom wasn’t bad enough in and of itself.” “That much just happened, Ma’am -- I had to go a lot,” she tells her coach, a little taken aback at being criticized for skidmarks, “Sometimes you just can’t avoid that.”

“You could have avoided that by just using the girls’ room like you were supposed to, young lady,” I angrily tell her, “Maybe you would have skidmarked the toilet there as well but at least it wouldn’t have been in a bathroom that you shouldn’t have been using in the first place.” “And at least it wouldn’t have been in a bathroom that they’d already cleaned,” I angrily lecture her further, “At least you wouldn’t have embarrassed your whole team and our school.” I note Coach Watson nodding her head in agreement with that. “You did very much embarrass your team and your school,” the coach adds.

In contemplating Becca’s punishment, Coach Watson notes that over at Carver High, students using a faculty restroom are automatically given a Saturday Detention. Unfortunately, the TVPC doesn’t have Saturday Detention as one of our punishment options -- the school principal does for non toilet-related offenses but the TVPC does not. “Perhaps they could make an exception in this case,” Coach Watson suggests, “I’m sure they could find a seat for Becca in detention this Saturday.” Unfortunately, as per TVPC regulations -- most notably the distinction between toilet-related offenses and other school offenses -- it’s not quite that simple. “I think that nothing would be more appropriate than for Becca to spend a few hours this Saturday here in school scrubbing out toilet bowls,” the coach adds. And therein lies another distinction between the authority of the TVPC and the authority of the school principal. Whereas, only the regular school administration led by the principal can assign Saturday Detention, only the TVPC has the authority to assign bathroom cleaning punishment.

Instead, Becca will have 5 hours of after-school detention with 2 of those hours spent cleaning the bathrooms. “The bathroom cleaning is for the skidmarks you left in the toilet bowl,” I note to her. Becca doesn’t seem happy about that and quite uncharacteristically (she’s generally not a discipline problem) rolls her eyes at me. “Do you want to spend all 5 hours cleaning toilets?” I then ask her angrily. “No, sir,” she quickly answers me, contritely, “I’m sorry, sir.” Pausing a moment, I let it go at that. But she’ll also have to write, “I will not use inappropriate bathrooms in school or at field hockey games again” 500 times. Additionally, she’ll have to spend a week of her 7th period study hall sitting on the toilet. Staring her down again, there’s not another eye roll forthcoming or even any other overt sign of disapproval. “Yes, sir,” is all I get for her this time.”

Moving on to cases from today, I see that we have a typical assortment of accident cases. I’m quite disappointed to see that Lynn, a smart but shy junior blonde, has been charged with soiling her panties in gym class earlier this afternoon. But while I am disappointed I really shouldn’t be surprised. This is not only Lynn’s second such offense already this year but she’s had a long history of panty-soiling offenses throughout her high school career thus far. Her most recent was an accident in Pre-Calculus class just 3 weeks ago -- an accident that she blamed on the Chicken ALFredo that she had for lunch that day.

“I know something was suspicious by the way she was walking as she headed back to the locker room after gym class,” reports Miss Musso, her sexy, spandex-clad gym teacher. “It was not only the slightly bow-legged walk that a girl does when she’s got a load in her panties,” Miss Musso explains, “But how she was walking carefully with her back to the wall to prevent people from seeing the back of her shorts.” “I mean, the mess wasn’t so bad that it couldn’t be concealed under jeans,” the sexy gym teacher adds, “But under a short pair of white gym shorts, it’s a different story entirely.” “I’d say she was actually pretty good at trying to hide it -- I guess that comes from experience,” Miss Musso explains, “But I’ve been doing this long enough that I can usually tell when a girl’s got something in her panties that she doesn’t want anyone else to see.” She goes on to explain that she kept an eye on Lynn in the locker room as the girls were changing out of their gym clothes. “I then saw Lynn take her regular clothes and head into a toilet stall to change,” the sexy gym teacher tells us, “That, to me, all but confirmed that Lynn was trying to hide a mess in her panties.” Changing in the locker room is, of course, a big problem for a girl with a mess in her panties,” she adds.

Miss Musso’s detective work in this regard brings a smile to my face. It’s usually her fellow gym teacher, Miss Mars, who makes a point of supervising the girls’ locker room and looking, in particular, for girls trying to change in one of the bathroom stalls. Naturally, I ask the spandex-clad gym teacher about that. “Well, it’s a pretty effective way to catch girls who’ve messed in their panties,” she explains, “We often get girls having accidents in gym class and changing in the girls’ locker room afterwards is usually a good time to catch them.” “And Miss Mars has been out sick this week,” she adds, “I figured it would be a good idea for me to pick up the slack on locker room patrol.” “And when you checked on Lynn in the bathroom stall, you found that she had done a mess in her panties?” I ask her. “Yes, Mr. Chairman,” Miss Musso confirms, “And it’s a shame because it looked like a brand new pair of panties that she had messed in.”

Turning now to Lynn, the sweet but shy honor student admits to soiling her panties in gym class and pleads “Guilty” to the offense. “I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t hold it in any longer,” she tells me contritely. I do believe her but the larger question, of course, is why she was trying to hold it in in the first place. “We do have toilets in the girls’ locker room, you know,” I tell the toilet-troubled beauty, “Some girls have been known to take care of their business there before gym class.” Lynn does acknowledge that but then rather meekly tells me that doing her own business there is just not something that she likes to do. “Besides,” she explains, “I know some girls do pee in that bathroom, but that obviously wasn’t the issue I had.” The implication, or course, is that the girls’ locker room bathroom is not really a good place to have a bowel movement.

Miss Musso, though, takes it’s exception to that. “They’re TOILETS, not urinals!” she tells the girl, raising her voice a bit, “They’re there for girls to do what they need to do regardless of which function it is.” She points out that she oftentimes has bowel movements there herself. “I know, Ma’am, but….,” Lynn starts, nodding her head a bit, “I just mean that….that, well…, girls really don’t do you know what there.” But once again, Miss Musso has an answer. The sexy gym teacher points out that, in adjoining stalls with Lynn while Lynn was in her stall changing, Mary -- a tall and very pretty blonde who is the leader scorer on our basketball team -- and Eleanor -- another pretty and athletic blonde -- were each on the toilet having bowel movements. “No one is saying that the bathroom there is SEVENTH HEAVEN or even THE GOOD PLACE to go,” Miss Musso tells her, “But YOU OUGHTA KNOW that it’s a lot better than going in your pants.” “And then when you came out after I caught you,” she continues, angrily lecturing Lynn, “I guess you didn’t notice that Alanis went in after you and did a bowel movement of her own.” And with that, Lynn is simply left with nothing more to say. The pretty blonde just looks down -- practically motionless -- staring at the floor in shame.

That gives me a chance to chime in. “You know it isn’t as if you actually have to do your business in that particular bathroom,” I point out to her, “I mean, it would be great if you were willing to use it when those needs arise, but we have several other girls’ room here at school that you could use.” I point out that if she knew she wasn’t going to be doing it in the girls’ locker room toilets, she should have stopped off in one of the other girls’ rooms before heading downstairs to gym, and done it there.” “I mean, no one really cares if you do it in the girls’ locker room or someplace else,” I explain, “The important thing is just that you do it in the toilet instead of doing it in your pants.” But Lynn, not surprisingly, has no explanation of why she didn’t do that. She acknowledges that she did have to go before gym class -- she says that she had been holding it in since 2nd period -- but she just kept trying to hold it in until it all started coming out in her panties during gym class.

“It was only a little bit,” Lynn then tells us, mumbling, barely audible. “I mean it was only a little bit in my panties,” she explains, “It really wasn’t that bad.” But Miss Musso disagrees. “It was more than just a little bit, Lynn,” she tells the girl, though a bit more sympathetic than before, “I mean, it wasn’t as bad as some I’ve seen and it wasn’t as much in your panties as last time, but it wasn’t only a little bit in your panties, either.” “And I think we both know that you were just lucky it wasn’t a larger bowel movement,” she lectures the girl, “It wasn’t like you actually did some in the toilet, was it?” Lynn just shakes her head “no” and doesn’t disagree with her gym teacher.

Moving on to Lynn’s punishment, I note that it’s not only her second one already this year but she’s also got a violation for “Leaving School Grounds to Go Home to Use the Bathroom.” Mrs. Adler, a new member of the TVPC this year, is quick to note that Lynn had 5 panty-soiling accidents (including one doubleheader each year) in both her freshman and sophomore years. “And last year, you even spent 3 weeks on toilet suspension,” Mrs. Adler also points out, “So who even knows how many times you went in your pants then.” The toilet suspension was on a 2nd offense of sneaking into the nurse’s office bathroom and doing a bowel movement there. “Mr. Chairman, I know that we’re not supposed to consider prior year’s accidents,” Mrs. Adler argues, “But it should be readily obvious by now that the usual punishment doesn’t seem to be of any use with this young lady.” She suggests that the punishment of having to clean herself and her accident right here in the girls’ room at school is in order. “I’m told that you don’t ordinarily impose that until a 6th accident each year,” Mrs. Adler continues, “But it’s more than apparent that Lynn doesn’t seem to have an incentive not to mess in her panties even with the detention and lines and even toilet sitting punishment that she usually gets.” “But I’m thinking that Lynn having to clean it all up in the school girls’ room might be a different story,” the committeewoman suggests, “Maybe that’ll teach her that it really would be easier to simply do it in the toilet when she needs to.”

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

“Maybe it would do you some good,” I then lecture Lynn, “Maybe having to clean it all up here in school would indeed make you think twice about messing in your panties again.” “You know, I normally do have some sympathy when a girl is a freshman and has an accident,” I lecture Lynn further, “I understand that they are just starting high school and getting used to our school routines and our bathrooms.” “But I really do expect girls to improve their toilet habits as they move along in their high school careers,” I continue, “I have considerably less sympathy for a girl who’s a junior or senior and still messing in her panties quite frequently.” “Obviously, you don’t seem to be doing any better,” I sternly admonish Lynn, “In that this is your second time already this year, you seem to be doing worse now as a junior.” “I hope you understand that this committee has wide discretion in deciding on the appropriate punishments for toilet violations,” I continue, “We don’t actually HAVE TO wait until it’s a 6th offense before we decide to make you clean it up here at school.” “And you can be pretty certain that we aren’t going to wait until it’s your 6th offense this year,” I sternly warn her. “You’re a junior now, Lynn, and you‘re still regularly having accidents in school,” I continue, “You’ve most certainly run out of sympathy with me.” “Do you get my point, young lady?” I ask her, a tinge of anger evident in my voice. “Yes, sir,” she tells me respectfully, obviously quite worried.

Still, I have to remember that it is “only” her second panty-soiling of the year and it isn’t a particularly bad one. In fact, it’s actually a pretty mild one. And even with the violation for leaving school also on her record this year, I really have no reason to be unduly severe with her. “You really do deserve worse, young lady,” I tell her. But all things considered I sentence her to 3 days detention and having to write, “I will not soil my panties in school again” 250 times. “Yes, you REALLY do deserve worse,” Mrs. Adler argues, shaking her head, “How many times has she been punished like that before and here she is with another mess in her panties?” “Well, it’s an appropriate punishment under the rules,” I tell the strict but over-enthusiastic committeewoman. “Thank you, sir,” Lynn then tells me.

I’m quite surprised to see that the next girl to be called before the TVPC is a down to earth senior named Brandy. And I’m even more surprised at the reason she’s here. “Panty-Soiling?” I ask her, quite surprised. “Yes, sir,” she tells me, “I had an accident in Spanish class.” She turns to show me but in the dark black waitress-style pants she’s wearing, the load isn’t really obvious. “Unfortunately, it’s there, sir,” she tells me when I ask her about it. “I mean, it’s not really a lot because I did do a lot of it in the toilet,” she explains, “But it’s definitely a mess in my panties.” “It’s just disgusting, sir,” she tells me, suddenly quite upset and fighting back tears. “I just can’t stand having messy panties like this,” she says, “I don’t know how some girls stand it doing this all the time.”

That last comment underscores the point that it’s her first panty-soiling of the school year and I think of her entire high school career thus far. “I wouldn’t be too upset about it, Brandy,” I tell her, as the poor girl fights back tears, “It’s only your first one of the school year and I can’t recall you ever having had any prior accidents at all.” “Well, I did wet my pants twice 3 years ago,” the pretty brunette notes, “That was right at the start of my freshman year.” “But this is worse, sir -- This is a whole lot worse,” she says, now breaking down in tears. “I know peeing in my pants is bad, too,” she explains, “But that’s nothing compared to how it feels to have this mess in my panties.” “How could I have done this!” she exclaims, obviously quite angry at herself, “How could I have gone in my pants at my age.” “I’m so ashamed,” she says, looking down and nervously playing with a braided chain around her neck.

Honestly, I think Brandy is being way too hard on herself. “Look, Brandy, I know you’re upset at having an accident,” I tell her sympathetically, “And I know you’re ashamed and disgusted by it -- I mean, obviously that’s why girls go in the toilet instead of their pants.” “But it’s only your first one and many girls have a lot more to be ashamed of than that,” I explain, “And it doesn’t look like too bad a mess at that.” “Add to that the fact that you have no other toilet violations, either,” I explain further, “You’re not even going to get punished for this at all.”

Brandy, though, takes little comfort in that. “I don’t care about the punishment, sir,” she tells me, “I deserve to be punished for what I did.” “It’s just that it’s so disgusting, sir,” she tells me again, “It’s just that I’m so ashamed.” “It’s just that I don’t want to be known as a girl who goes in her panties, sir,” she continues, quite upset, “Who is even going to want to go out with a girl who messes in her panties.” She goes on to explain that she wants to get married and that nobody would want to marry a girl who goes in her panties like she did today. “Besides,” she says, “What difference does it make that it’s only a little bit in my panties.” “It just matters that I messed in my panties,” she argues, “There just shouldn’t be any of that in my panties at all.”

Once again, I try to calm Brandy down. Obviously, she’s being way too hard on herself and I tell her so. “Brandy, you’re a fine girl,” I tell her, “What a good wife you would be.” I remind her again that it’s only her first accident this year and the first soiling accident of her entire high school career so far. I compliment her on the braided chain around her neck that she’s nervously fiddling with. “Thank you, sir,” she tells me, calming down a bit. “It’s made of finest silver from the north of Spain,” she tells me. “And the locket?” I ask her, referring to the locket she’s got attached to it. She tells me that it bears the name of a man that she once loved. “I met him last summer at my waitress job,” the senior beauty explains, “But he was just visiting for the summer and couldn’t stay.”

“Look, Brandy, you really shouldn’t be that hard on yourself,” I reiterate, bringing us back to the subject at hand, “It’s not like you do this all the time and, as I noted before, you’re only getting a warning for this.” “Mr. Ziffel is right, Brandy,” Mrs. Mierda, her Spanish teacher then chimes in, “I’m really sorry I didn’t let you go to the girls’ room when you asked.” “If I knew it was such an emergency I definitely would have let you go,” the young and pretty Spanish teacher tells her, “But it was just such an important lesson I was teaching and I don’t want anyone to miss any of it.” But Brandy, not surprisingly, blames herself. “It’s not your fault, Mrs. Mierda,” she tells her teacher, “I should have gone before class.” “Well, I’m glad you were at least able to hold it in somewhat and at least do some of it in the toilet,” she tells Brandy, “It looks like you probably even did MOST of it in the toilet.” “I’m glad the mess wasn’t as bad as it could have been,” Mrs. Mierda tells her sympathetically. Brandy nods her head -- apparently taking at least a little comfort in that.

With just a warning for her first accident offense of the school year, Brandy is dismissed from the meeting.

For our next case, I call the name of Carol, a pretty and quite bright junior. Looking over her Violations Report filed by the substitute teacher in her 4th period English class, I note that she is charged with “Lateness to Class”. Before I even get into this case, I must determine jurisdiction. Since the TVPC may only punish toilet-related offenses, I have to wonder if a “Lateness to Class” violation is indeed a matter for the TVPC. As I begin to question the substitute teacher in that regard, I am interrupted (politely!) by Carol. “Mr. Chairman – Sir?” she says, “I was late for class because I was using the girls’ room.” With that clarification, I note that it is indeed a matter for the TVPC. I ask the polite and well-spoken junior to explain what happened.

“I guess you can see by my toilet record that I’ve got 2 soiling accidents already this year,” she admits, “I just didn’t want to get a third one.” “I had to go #2 again today and after a while, I knew it was something that couldn’t wait until lunchtime,” she continues, “I knew I had to get to the girls’ room before then.” “I asked permission to go the period before but the teacher wouldn’t let me,” she explains, “And I wasn’t sure if I could get permission from the substitute, either.” “I just had to go between classes,” she tells us, “I did my best to hurry up, but it’s hard to go #2 and still get to class on time.” “I’m sorry I was late to class,” she pleads, “But I just didn’t want to soil my panties again – I really hate it when that happens.”

Turning my attention to the teacher, I ask her some questions about the details of this incident. “She was about a minute or so late, nothing more than that,” the teacher answers, “And when she came in, she said she was using the girls’ room, apologized for being late, and quickly took her seat and got down to work.” “Personally, I don’t think she should be punished at all,” the teacher says, “But I was told that I had to write them up when I caught someone breaking any rules.” “I know it’s important to be on time for class, but isn’t it also important not to go to the bathroom in your pants,” she adds, “I’d rather she be a minute late for the start of class than mess in her panties in the middle of class.”

There is a great deal of wisdom in what that substitute teacher is saying (I’m told that she’s in college and studying to be a full-time teacher) and she is right that it is indeed her responsibility to report all violations -- toilet or otherwise. In turn it is mine and the TVPC’s responsibility to enforce the rules and the consequences. “I can certainly sympathize with your situation, Carol,” I tell the blonde-haired honor student, “It’s either go to the girls’ room between classes and do your bowel movement then, knowing you’ll be late for class, or wait on doing the bowel movement and risk doing it in your pants.” “And I don’t suppose it’s particularly pleasant having to do a bowel movement with the crowd in the girls’ room between classes.” “No, sir, it sure isn’t!” she tells me, “About the only thing worse than that feeling is the feeling of it coming out in your pants.” “I don’t mind going #2 in the school bathrooms as much as most of the other girls do,” she says, “But I sure do like it better when I can be alone in there – or at least not having the place packed with other girls.” “I’m trying really hard not to have accidents anymore, sir,” she tells me. That no doubt in reference to the rather frequent accidents she’s had the past 2 years. “I guess it was kind of GROWING PAINS that I’ve had so many accidents in the past,” she explains.

Though I sympathize with her, she obviously did violate TVPC rules by being late to class (for purposes of using the girls’ room), so I must punish her. “I think you certainly made the right decision in this case,” I tell her, “And I’m also impressed that you got to class with a minimum of disruption.” I give her the choice of an hour in detention or writing “I will not be late for class again.” 100 times. Surprised, she chooses the 100 times. “That’s all?” she asks, smiling. “That’s all!” I tell her, smiling back.

Moving on with our TVPC agenda, we have a visit from Ariana, a sweet and talented sophomore beauty with darkish blonde hair. It is quite a surprise to see her before my committee as it’s her first TVPC appearance of the year and her only visit last year was when she found not guilty on charges of messing in her panties and then hiding them behind a toilet in the Second Floor Girls’ Room. Today, she’s here with two of her friends -- two likewise pretty and talented blondes named Britney and Christina. The two of them are juniors but they’ve come to know Ariana through performing together in some of the school’s musical productions. Britney and Christina are apparently not only witnesses to Ariana’s violation but stand ready to take the blame for it, as well. “It wasn’t Ariana’s fault, it was our fault,” Britney confesses as Christina nods her head in agreement, “You really should be punishing us instead of her.” To say the least, I’m quite confused.

Ariana stands accused by Miss Spellman with “Using Profanity To Refer To Her Bodily Functions.” Miss Spellman, one of our Math teachers, was using the Second Floor Girls’ Room at the same time as Ariana and her two friends and she heard Ariana’s outburst. Miss Spellman, of course, disagrees with Britney and Christina and stands by the charge she has made against Ariana. The pretty Math teacher reports that the three girls all have lunch 6th period and together they stopped off to use the Second Floor Girls’ Room before heading down to the cafeteria. “I had to pee really bad myself and also do a bowel movement,” Miss Spellman tells us, “I just didn’t have time to wait in line for the faculty bathroom in the librarian‘s office.” “I saw the three of them walking in before me and they each headed immediately into adjoining stalls,” Miss Spellman reports. “I’m guessing that Britney and Christina only had to urinate,” she tells us, “Because by the time I was done with my own business, they had already washed their hands and they were waiting outside Ariana’s stall.” As she tells it, the two girls apparently became impatient that Ariana was taking so long and urged here to hurry up.

“I’m standing there at the sinks washing my own hands,” the pretty, blonde Math teacher reports further, “And then I suddenly hear Ariana yell out from inside the stall. Miss Spellman then explains that the sophomore beauty yelled out “Give me a minute -- Can’t a girl take a shit in peace around here.” As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, girls are not allowed to use profanity to refer to their bodily functions. “It’s bad enough when girls use slang terms instead of the proper terms,” Miss Spellman argues, looking over at Ariana in the process, “But obviously we cannot tolerate outright profanity like this young lady used.”

Britney and Christina argue that it’s their fault for bothering Ariana while she was in there doing her business. I ask Miss Spellman about that, wondering if Britney and Christina should be charged with “Bathroom Harassment.” As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know TVPC rules prohibit girls from teasing or harassing other girls as they go about their bathroom business. “The two of them were certainly being annoying – I know I wouldn’t want them bothering me like that while I was doing my bowel movement,” the pretty and enthusiastic teacher explains, “But it doesn’t rise to the level of a genuine TVPC toilet violation.” “There was certainly no reason for Ariana to shout that across the girls’ room like she did,” the young teacher concludes, “There no need to use that kind of language here in school much less in one of our girls‘ room.” “I mean, I guess it’s not the most serious of violations,” Miss Spellman adds, “But again, there’s no reason for a girl to be using that particular word to refer to one of her bodily functions.”

The TVPC finds Ariana guilty as charged. But I also sternly warn Britney and Christina that they came pretty close to facing charges themselves. But this case is about Ariana and her use of profanity to refer to her having a bowel movement. “You obviously need a lesson in proper bathroom terminology,” I tell her, “So you’ll write the phrase ‘bowel movement’ 500 times.” “Maybe after doing that, you’ll remember to use that phrase instead of the word that you used,” I explain, “And you’ll also serve 2 days detention.” “Yes, sir,” Ariana tells me glumly. Obviously, she’s not happy but she doesn’t seem all that upset, either. I think she probably was expecting worse.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Writing on the bathroom walls is a common offense in most high schools and unfortunately we are no exception. The seriousness of the offense, of course, varies dependent upon what a girl writes and her intent in writing it. Usually, it’s a relatively minor offense cured with a few sessions of cleaning graffiti after school and perhaps a writing assignment. And then ALL IS FORGIVEN. Sometimes, though, it’s a bit more serious and such is the case today.

Today it‘s Sonia, a pretty but troublesome junior blonde who has been charged with writing on a bathroom stall wall in the Science Wing Girls’ Room. She is accused of doing this during 6th period this afternoon. The Science Wing Girls’ Room is where Sonia is spending her 6th period study hall this week and next week. She got 2 weeks of toilet sitting punishment during study hall (as well as sentences to write and a 1,000 word essay) on a second offense of wasting toilet paper. Specifically she was punished (as she was in the first instance) for using toilet paper to line the seat when she sat down to do a bowel movement. Apparently, she only sits for bowel movements but squats to urinate as she also has on her school toilet record, two offenses of leaving the toilet seat down when squatting to urinate. She’s also wet her pants once this year -- a case of her History teacher not letting her go to the girls’ room when she asked.

“Writing on the wall was a stupid thing to do and I’m sorry,” Sonia says, “I was bored just sitting there and I just grabbed my lipstick and wrote it.” “I guess I just didn’t think it through,” she adds, “It was just stupid – really, really stupid.” Unfortunately for her, I’m not willing to dismiss this offense as merely being “really stupid” as I consider the content of what she wrote. Sonia is accused of writing “Toilet Sitting Sucks” in bright red lipstick across the stall wall. “This wasn’t merely your run of the mill benign graffiti,” I tell her, “Girls shouldn’t have to read vulgarity such as that when they go to use the toilet.” “And as to your editorial comment, let me remind you that toilet sitting is a punishment,” I explain, “You’re not supposed to like it – you’re supposed to learn to follow the rules so you don’t get that punishment again.” “But instead of learning from your punishment, you decide to commit another offense while you’re doing that punishment,” I lecture her, “And that surely will be reflected in the severity of your new punishment.” “I really didn’t mean anything by it, sir,” she tells me, considerably contrite, “I was just really bored sitting there and it just popped into my head to write that.” “I just wasn‘t thinking, sir -- I‘m sorry,” she adds.

Checking the records, I note that Sonia still has 6 days left on her original toilet sitting punishment as she obviously won’t get credit for the sitting she did today. “Since you obviously don’t like toilet sitting punishment, I’ll arrange it so you don’t have to do your remaining 6 days,” I tell her, “In fact you won’t have to worry about sitting on the toilet in school at all for the next 6 days.” “Sir?” she asks me with a bewildered look on her face, totally confused as to what I’m telling her. “You’ll serve out the remainder of your time on toilet suspension,” I then explain, “Instead of 6 days of toilet sitting punishment you’ll do 6 days on toilet suspension.” As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, a toilet suspension is when a girl is prohibited from using any school bathroom for any reason. “This way, you won’t have to worry about sitting on the toilet at all,“ I reiterate, “This ways maybe you’ll learn that sitting on the toilet is actually a privilege.” I also assign her to 3 days of cleaning graffiti in the girls’ room after school – a punishment I’ll allow her to delay until she’s done serving her toilet suspension.

Sonia stands there on the verge of tears, totally shocked at the severity of her punishment. She was undoubtedly expecting the graffiti cleaning punishment after school (in fact, I think she was expecting a full week of that), but not the toilet suspension. I doubt she even thought a toilet suspension was a possibility when she took out her lipstick and decided that “Toilet Sitting Sucks.“ But she’ll no doubt think about it the next time she’s doing a punishment on the toilet and is tempted to express similar thoughts. Still, the usually combative junior beauty is uncharacteristically contrite as she begs me to reconsider. “Please not that, please not a toilet suspension,” she begs me, as the tears start to flow. “I have to go at school every day and I’m not really good at holding it in,” she tells me, “I’m going to be going in my pants all 6 days and I can’t stand going in my pants.” “Can’t you just give me more bathroom cleaning?” she asks, “That’s really the punishment I deserve for writing on the wall.” “But what did I do to deserve a toilet suspension?” she continues, “I don’t deserve that just for writing on the stall wall.”

“You were being punished for one offense and you go and commit another offense,” I explain to her, “The TVPC doesn’t look too kindly upon that.” “I find it interesting, though, that you are now suddenly begging to be allowed to sit on the toilet,” I point out, “Quite a contrast from writing about how toilet sitting sucks.” “Well, I don’t mind sitting on the toilet when I actually have to go,” she explains, “It’s just that it’s really boring sitting there when I don’t have to go – especially sitting there for the whole period.” “But I know that doesn’t excuse writing on the wall,” she adds. Actually, my point was intended to be rhetorical, but I appreciate her answer. Still, I remain firm in sentencing her. Admittedly, it’s harsh but I don’t think she’ll forget this lesson anytime soon and she’ll certainly come to appreciate when she is allowed to sit on the toilet again. I do point out that allowing her to postpone her graffiti scrubbing punishment (officially, bathroom cleaning punishment) until after her toilet suspension is over will at least allow her to avoid detention and a longer school day on days when she is without her toilet privileges. And forcing a girl to clean toilets that she’s forbidden to use -- especially when she’s likely desperate to go after a full school day -- is a bit harsh even for this. That’s of little consolation to a girl with a small bladder like hers, but perhaps it may save her from the worse kind of accident. As Sonia stands there crying -- quite a sight for a tough-talking girl like her -- a TVPC staffer attaches the dreaded red wristband to her wrist. The red wristband, of course, is emblematic of a girl on toilet suspension.

Our next item on the agenda this afternoon is a bit of committee business. For this matter -- two matters, actually -- I call before the TVPC Cordelia, a self-absorbed senior brunette and Buffy, and outgoing and oftentimes secretive junior. Both girls have punishment writing assignments due today. Buffy is here today in a pretty red skirt that does wonders to highlight her dazzling figure. Cordelia, on the other hand, is simply wearing a plain blue T-shirt and loosely fitting well-faded jeans. -- jeans sporting a huge wet spot in her crotch and up the back, as well as a clearly noticeable bulge in the seat. Stepping up to the podium, she looks quite miserable with both bodily functions fully done in her pants -- the obvious result of her being in the first week of a rather lengthy toilet suspension. As Buffy joins her at the podium, she apparently just can’t resist. “Boy, it’s sure nice to be able to use the toilet when I need to,” she taunts Cordelia, “Man, you should have seen the poop I just did in the girls’ room.” Immediately, I bang my gavel and admonish her. “Watch yourself or you may find yourself joining her on toilet suspension,” I warn the dazzlingly beautiful brunette, “Although with your toilet record, it doesn’t seem like you need a toilet suspension to go in your pants.” Cordelia manages a small smile at that.

These 2 girls each got their writing assignments (as well as detention and the toilet suspension for Cordelia) at a TVPC session one week ago -- Buffy for soiling in her panties and Cordelia for using the toilet while on toilet suspension. But this matter actually goes all the way back to last March. During 7th period on that fateful day Cordelia and Buffy crossed paths in the New Addition Girls’ Room -- Buffy on a pass from her English class and Cordelia (already on toilet suspension) under the pretense of getting a pass to the library from her study hall teacher. Buffy was apparently there to make the best of the mess that was already in her pants and Cordelia (as noted, already on toilet suspension) desperate to use the toilet and avoid a mess in her pants of her own. Though the girls were far from friends, they each were apparently smart enough to realize that it was in their own best interest not to report each other for toilet violations. And as such, their respective toilet violations from last March -- Buffy for panty-soiling (her 4th such offense) and Cordelia for using the toilet on toilet suspension (her 3rd offense on that) -- went unreported. Cordelia served out the remainder of her toilet suspension and only had two violations -- specifically, a clogging the toilet charge and an unflushed toilet charge -- the rest of the year. Buffy went on to have another accident later that year -- a “doubleheader” accident in gym class -- and one charge for using a teacher’s bathroom to have a bowel movement. But neither girl received any consequences for their respective toilet violation in March and it remained their little secret.

That is, it remained their little secret until last week. The story goes that Cordelia apparently stole Buffy’s boyfriend (some guy named Angel, I’m told) and Buffy apparently realized that Cordelia would be in far more trouble for using the toilet on toilet suspension than she herself would be for only soiling her panties. So Buffy reported Cordelia and Cordelia, in turn reported Buffy, and both girls were appropriately punished by the TVPC 1 week ago. And, as faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, written punishment assignments are due 1 week from when they are assigned and that brings us to today.

Taking Buffy first, the junior panty-soiler is being asked to hand in 1,000 times of “I will not soil my panties in school again.” Buffy then holds up a thick packet of paper and tells me that it’s done. “I was up late last night writing most of it,” she tells me, “And I finished the last bit of it in study hall this morning.” “Well, nothing like waiting until the last minute,” I tell her as I direct her to hand the completed punishment to the TVPC clerk. “I still don’t think I deserved a thousand lines,” she mumbles, repeating the complaint she made at the TVPC session last week. “That made 5 panty-soilings that you did last year,” I tell her, “You’re lucky you ONLY got 1,000 times.” I point out that this particular accident was her 4th panty-soiling accident but then when she had her 5th panty-soiling accident last year, she was only punished for a 4th offense. “Any way you slice it, it was the punishment for your 5th panty-soiling offense that you didn’t get last year,” I tell her, “So now you have to do that punishment now.” Buffy gives us a look that she’s not happy with that.

Mrs. Adler, a new member of the TVPC this year, takes issue with the girl’s attitude. “Disgraceful!,” Mrs. Adler lectures Buffy, “You have 5 panty-soilings as a sophomore in high school and you give us attitude on your punishment.“ “As far as I’m concerned your punishment wasn’t severe enough,“ she tells the girl, “If I were up to me it wouldn’t take until your fifth accident to get 1,000 times.“ “You should be ashamed of yourself, young lady,“ the committeewoman adds.

Having reviewed Buffy’s punishment assignment -- filling the front and back of 20 sheets of paper -- the TVPC clerk declares that it appears to be complete and in good order. Accordingly, her punishment assignment is accepted by the TVPC and she is dismissed to take a seat in the detention section.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Moving on to Cordelia, the self-absorbed senior is in considerably more trouble. Using the toilet while on toilet suspension is a serious offense and this, remarkably was the 3rd time she did it last year. “Boy, you don’t learn your lessons easily,” I tell her, repeating my same admonishment that I gave her 1 week ago. “No sir,” she tells me, as she stands there in very wet jeans and obviously fully soiled panties. “I just can’t stand going in my pants, sir” she then tells me. “I know I have to do it -- I know it’s my punishment,” she says, “But it’s really hard not to just go use the toilet when you really have to go -- It’s really hard to just wait and wait and wait until it all comes out in your pants.” “I just can’t stand going in my pants,” she reiterates, now breaking down in tears, “And now I’ve got 3 more months of it.” “I just don’t know how I’m going to get through it,” she says, crying, “I mean, I poop at school a lot and now that’s all going to be in my pants.” “Well, you did it to yourself, young lady,” I tell her, “You the one that kept making it worse on yourself by violating your toilet suspension.” “I know,” Cordelia mumbles. “I know,” she repeats as she breaks down further, crying into her hands.

Cordelia’s ordeal all began last year when she got caught a second time smoking in the girls’ room. Besides her other punishments (repetitive writing and detention), she got 3 weeks toilet suspension. She then picked up another 2 weeks without her toilet privileges by violating her toilet suspension and then got another 6 weeks (as well as even more detention and 2,000 lines to write) when she violated her toilet suspension again. The latter time violating the toilet suspension by squatting outside in the bushes to relieve herself of a quite large bowel movement there. Having managed to avoid getting caught violating her toilet suspension a 3rd time back in March, she subsequently served out her suspension and had her toilet privileges restored in due course. Last week, however, her past caught up to her and here she stands on toilet suspension once again -- this time with a 3-month sentence. Additionally, she was sentenced to an entire month in detention. And this time her writing assignment was “I will not use the toilet or otherwise violate my toilet suspension again” to be written 5,000 times!

Obviously, we intended to send her a message that the TVPC doesn’t take violating a toilet suspension lightly and that’s particularly true when it’s not even a second but a THIRD offense. About the only accommodation we made for her was allowing her to spread that grueling writing assignment over 2 weeks.

Consequently, today, Cordelia is being asked to hand in the first part of that -- “I will not use the toilet or otherwise violate my toilet suspension” 2,500 times! As she holds up the thick -- the EXTREMELY thick! -- packet of paper, I ask her if she has it completed. “Yes sir, I got it done -- 2,500 times,” she tells me, “It wasn’t easy but I got it done.” With that, I direct her to hand the completed punishment to the TVPC clerk. Cordelia does as she is told. She tells us that she was up past midnight every night this week working on the punishment and that she spent her entire weekend writing as well. “I didn’t do anything else this whole weekend,” she says, “All I did was sit in my room and write the whole weekend.”

Taking a moment to look at the girl’s massive collection of writing -- the 2,500 times fills the front of and back of 50 sheets of paper -- our TVPC clerk notes that it appears to be complete and in good order. “Well, you’re halfway done,” I note unsympathetically, “Just one more week like that and you’re done.” That revelation brings a pained expression to the girl’s face. The pretty senior brunette is obviously not looking forward to another week like this.” “Maybe next time you’ll think twice before cheating on your toilet suspension,” chimes in Mrs. Adler, equally unsympathetic. “Or maybe you’ll think twice about smoking in the girls’ room,” Mrs. Crabtree, a TVPC member, adds, “None of this would have happened if you hadn’t been smoking in the girls’ room in the first place.”

With that, Cordelia is dismissed and goes to take her seat in the detention section. Her punishment for using the toilet while on toilet suspension also includes a month in detention. The poor girl is seen grimacing as she takes her seat -- no doubt from that big load spreading worse in her panties as she sits down. An even worse revelation for her is that even after the writing is done -- hopefully by next week -- she’s still got almost three months on toilet suspension to deal with.

That was the last matter on our scheduled TVPC agenda for today. However, our TVPC clerk has just been notified that another case is forthcoming. No sooner does the TVPC clerk inform me of that, when I look up and see Mrs. Montgomery -- a first year English Teacher at our school -- enter the committee room. With her is Mallory, a very pretty brunette, who has had more than her fair share of accident issues in the past. Fortunately for Mallory, now a senior, she seems to be doing better -- at least, toilet-wise, -- so far this year. But unfortunately, she does seem to have a substantial load in her panties right now. Apparently, Mrs. Montgomery was in charge of supervising detention this afternoon -- that is, the detention for non-toilet related offenses -- and Mallory messed in her panties during that detention. Of course, girls serving detention -- whatever the reason -- are subject to TVPC regulation and TVPC punishments.

Checking with the very pretty Mrs. Montgomery, she confirms what we expected. “Mallory was in detention with me this afternoon for being late to school,” the pretty English teacher reports, “And apparently she never got the message that you’re supposed to go to the girls’ room BEFORE reporting for detention.” The reference, of course, is to the long established rule at our school -- both for toilet-related detention with the TVPC and non-toilet related detention under the authority of the school principal -- that girls’ room passes during detention are not allowed. Mallory, standing there at the podium with a tight bulge in her corduroy pants evident, just rolls her eyes at the first-year English Teacher. That annoys me a bit. “Really, Mallory?” I ask her, a tinge of sarcasm evident, “I suppose you’re going to blame Mrs. Montgomery for you soiling your panties.”

“Well, I did ask to go to the girls’ room and Mrs. Montgomery wouldn’t let me,” the senior beauty then tells me, “I actually BEGGED her to let me go to the girls’ room but she still wouldn’t let me.” “I told you it was an emergency -- I told you I was going to have an accident if you didn’t let me go,” she turns and tells Mrs. Montgomery, “But still you just made me sit there in detention and wait.” “Well, I guess I wasn’t lying,” she rants at Mrs. Montgomery, as she turns and shows her the bulge in the seat of her pants. “In case you can’t tell that’s a mess of poop under there,” she angrily says, glaring at the first year English teacher. “Yeah -- I did it so I guess I’m going to get punished for it,” Mallory turns back and addresses me, “But it never would have happened if Mrs. Montgomery had just let me go to the girls’ room when I asked.”

But just as I’m about to admonish the senior brunette for her tone and warn her not to make it worse on herself with any ill-advised comments to Mrs. Montgomery or to the TVPC, the girl’s entire demeanor suddenly changes. “It’s just that I’ve been trying really hard not to mess in my pants anymore,” she tells me, now suddenly fighting back tears, “You know how much I hate going poop at school but I’ve been doing it because I don’t want to keep going in my pants.” “I promised my mom I was going to stop pooping my pants -- I promised her that I was going to go at school when I needed to,” she continues, sincerity evident, “I promised a lot of people that I wasn’t going to be having accidents anymore.” “And I haven’t done it my pants at all,” Mallory explains, “I’ve done it in the girls’ room like 5 times already since school started and I hadn’t gone in my pants at all.” “But now I’ve got a mess in my pants,” she says, as the tears begin to flow, “I can’t believe I have a mess in my pants again.” “And it never would have happened if you’d have just let me go to the girls’ room when I asked,” she turns and with tears flowing, addresses Mrs. Montgomery again, “I begged you to let me go -- I told you I was going to have a mess in my pants if you didn’t let me go.” “It’s not like I was trying to hold it in until I got home or something,” she rants again at Mrs. Montgomery, “I wanted to the girls’ room -- I wanted to do it in toilet! -- but you just wouldn’t let me.”

Looking over at Mrs. Montgomery, I can see that she’s a bit upset at what happened. But I tell the friendly and enthusiastic first year teacher that it wasn’t her fault. “It’s unfortunate what happened to Mallory, but she knows the rules as well as anyone,” I tell her, “With all the time she’s spent in detention over the years for messing in her panties and other things, she obviously knows the rules.” “She obviously knows that girls’ room passes are not allowed during detention,” I remind them both, this time directing my comments more to Mallory. “In fact, I know she messed in her panties at least once in detention last year,” I note, “And I think that, too, was a case of the teacher not letting her have a girls’ room pass.” The point being, of course, is that Mallory already knew full well that she wasn’t going to get a girls’ room pass while she serving detention. In fact, the senior beauty even acknowledges that.

“Yes, I know about the policy -- I know we’re supposed to go before detention like she said,” Mallory admits, “But the thing is that I just didn’t.” “The thing is that I was stuck in detention and I really had to go,” the girl explains, still crying, “I know that was my fault but I still don’t think she should have just made me sit there in detention until I messed in my pants.” “I still say she could have let me go to girls’ room when I needed to,” she argues, “Maybe give me another detention or something but it just wasn’t right to make me sit there and mess in my pants.” “No, Mallory, I couldn’t -- the rules are the rules,” Mrs. Montgomery then tells her, “I’m just not allowed to give girls’ room passes during detention at all.” Mrs. Montgomery is absolutely right,” I then chime in, “It’s unfortunate that you had an accident but obviously you’ve got no one to blame but yourself.” “Apparently, you already had to go before you reported for detention,” I point out to her, “It’s not Mrs. Montgomery’s fault that you didn’t go to the girls’ room then.”

Moving on to Mallory’s punishment I’m pleased to note that it’s only her first accident offense of this school year. That’s particularly impressive given that the shy beauty -- apparently quite reluctant to have bowel movements in the girls’ rooms here at school -- has a long history of rather frequent accidents. Even last year as a junior, she had 4 panty-soiling accidents and two of those were doubleheaders. Unfortunately for her, she’s got 2 other toilet offenses -- specifically “Loitering in the Girls’ Room” and “Using Too Much Toilet Paper” -- on her record this year. Accordingly, she not entitled to be let off with just a warning and no actual punishment. Still, I compliment her on doing better -- at least, toilet-wise. “If only you could do as well academically,” I note for the perennially underachieving senior beauty. For punishment -- since it’s still only her first accident offense of the school year -- she’ll have to serve an hour of detention and write “I will not soil my panties in school again” 100 times.

So concludes another session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee.
Meeting adjourned at 4:09 PM.

[spandexman]

Thank you Arnold

Another fine report. As usual I tend to look at staff issues more than the students. Keep us informed on them as well, especially the Spandex Babe Grace. ....