Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

[Arnold Ziffel]

Welcome to a session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) – this writer’s favorite fantasy. The story takes place in a high school not unlike other high schools. In this high school, however, there are strict rules regarding the toileting behavior of the school’s female students. Those who break the school toilet rules (including the rules against going to the bathroom in your pants) are brought before the TVPC to have their cases heard and their punishment given out if they are guilty. Meetings of the TVPC are called to order at 3:10 PM each school day in the TVPC meeting room – Room 222 of the high school. It should be noted that where this story takes place you need to be 18 in order to enter high school so all persons depicted, even though entirely fictional, are at least 18 years of age.

My name is Arnold Ziffel and I’m chairman of the TVPC. What follows are the summary minutes of the TVPC meeting of Tuesday, March 3, 2020.

For the first matter before the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee (TVPC) this afternoon, we have a case -- specifically, a case of panty-soiling -- from yesterday afternoon. Cindy, a shy but athletic sophomore, and backup guard on the girls’ basketball team stands accused of the panty-soiling -- the accident apparently having happened after the conclusion of yesterday’s TVPC session and therefore too late to be included in yesterday’s TVPC business. Coach Teiger, coach of the girls’ basketball team, has filed the Violation Report against Cindy so I’m assuming her panty-soiling happened as a member of the basketball team. The quiet sophomore beauty -- as she stands before the TVPC in her basketball practice sweatpants -- does appear to be doing so in clean panties today. Many of her basketball teammates are here as well as is, of course, Coach Teiger. Suffice to say, Coach Teiger is not happy with her.

“Disgusting!” Coach Teiger angrily yells at Cindy. “Disgraceful!” she tells the girl in an equally harsh tone. “How can a girl your age do something like that?” the strict blonde-haired coach asks her, “How can a girl your age not go in the toilet when she needs to?” “How can a girl your age just mess in her panties like that,” Coach Teiger continues -- ANGRILY, “That was just utterly disgraceful!” “Shame on you, young lady -- Just shame on you,” she adds as Cindy just stands there in tears. “I had high hopes for you even though it’s only your FIRST YEAR on varsity,“ she tells the girl, “But the FACTS OF LIFE are that you need to be doing your business in the toilet instead of your pants.“ Coach Teiger does seem a bit harsh but it’s not like Cindy hasn’t soiled her panties before and it’s hardly the first time as a member of the girls’ basketball team, either.

But before getting any further into this matter we need to clarify something. “Well, apparently, there’s no doubt that Cindy did indeed mess in her panties,” I note, “But I do need to clarify whether this happened at practice or at an actual game.” As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, having an accident at a game would garner the sophomore far more punishment than having one at practice. Athletes and others (band, cheerleaders, etc) at games and other events are considered to be representing the school and toilet violations by girls in that capacity are considered more serious violations. An accident at practice, on the other hand, is no different than any other accident happening in school.

Coach Teiger has always had mixed feelings about this distinction. “It’s no less disgusting and disgraceful when a girl does it at practice than when she does it a game,” Coach Teiger argues. “Well, maybe so,” I tell the coach, “But at least when it happens at practice, she doesn’t embarrass our school in front of other schools or the public at large.” “Well, I guess so,” Coach Teiger responds, nodding her head, “I’m just thinking that maybe if we punished accidents at practice and in school as bad as we punished accidents at games, then girls like Cindy wouldn’t keep having them.” With that she turns and glares directly at her toilet-troubled backup guard. “I mean, if the punishments were bad enough, I have to think that even she would have to think twice about trying to hold it in when she knows she needs to go,” the pretty blonde-haired coach adds, purportedly addressing me but quite obviously directing her comments more to Cindy

“I take it then that this happened at PRACTICE yesterday?” I ask. “Yes it did, Mr. Chairman,” the coach confirms, “It happened toward the end of practice yesterday -- too late for me to bring her before the TVPC yesterday.” For Cindy, in particular, this distinction is quite important since she already has a panty-soiling while representing the school this year -- specifically, while she competing as a member of the girls’ cross-country team back in October. But then again, she also has a panty-soiling at basketball practice back in November and another in school back in October. So either way, it doesn’t look like the pretty sophomore is going to get off easy today. “Your toilet habits are indeed shameful,” I also tell the toilet-troubled beauty, “I hate to be harsh but don’t you think it’s long past time you learned to use the toilet when you need to -- even when you have to do more than just urinate.” “Yes, sir,” she then tells me, but too embarrassed to even look me in the eye in the process.

Turning back to Coach Teiger, she reports that everything seemed to be going fine at practice when all of a sudden Cindy just seemed to freeze in place. “Obviously, I know that look on her face -- Obviously, I could tell by how rigidly she was standing,” the pretty blonde-haired Basketball Coach reports, “Obviously, I could tell that she was holding in a bowel movement and it now had gotten quite desperate.” “Of course, I immediately pointed her to the girls’ locker room,” Coach Teiger continues, “But Cindy just stood there like she was paralyzed.” That last comment raises a few eyebrows on the committee. It raises the issue of whether Cindy should be charged with going in her pants on purpose. “We can’t really call it an accident if she made no attempt to hold it in or go to the girls’ room,” I note, “If she just stood there and let it happen in her pants, that would no longer be considered a panty-soiling ACCIDENT.” Faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, that a girl going in her pants on purpose is a more serious violation than a girl who simply has an accident.

But Coach Teiger just shakes her head. “I’m reasonably certain she was at least trying to hold it in, Mr. Chairman,” she tells me, “She was frozen there with her legs tightly crossed and her butt cheeks tightly clenched -- she was clearly trying to hold it in.” “She wasn’t going to the girls’ room because she couldn’t unclench her butt cheeks or uncross her legs without losing control,” the coach explains. “But it’s not like she had any intention of going to the girls’ room in the first place,” Coach Teiger explains further, “If she had, she never would have been in that position in the first place.” “Just because she was trying to hold it in at that moment shouldn’t excuse her from the extra punishment for going in her pants intentionally,” she argues, “I mean, if she has no intention of actually doing it in the girls’ room and she’s just trying to hold it in until she eventually goes in her pants anyway, how is that NOT going in her pants on purpose.”

But Cindy contradicts her coach’s account of the situation. “It’s not like that,” she says, “I know I don’t like going #2 and stuff at school but it’s not like I wanted to go in my pants, either.” “Obviously, I’d rather not go in my pants,” she tells her coach, “I hate going in my pants.” “Well, you’d obviously rather hold it in than go in your pants -- that’s not the question,” Coach Teiger then responds, “But it certainly doesn’t seem like you’d rather go in the toilet than go in your pants.” “I mean, it’s not like you haven’t done this before,” she lectures the girl, “This is the second time you’ve done it at basketball practice and I know you did it at a Cross-Country match last fall, too.” “And I know you’ve got at least one accident in class as well,” Coach Teiger continues, “That doesn’t sound like someone who prefers to use the school bathroom over going in her pants.” “I mean, if you’d prefer to go in the toilet rather than go in your pants, you wouldn’t have had all these accidents, would you?” she interrogates Cindy, “These accidents obviously wouldn’t be happening if you were using the toilet when you need to.”

“And how many more have you barely avoided?” Coach Teiger continues, “How many times did you just get lucky in holding it in when you really should have gone and used the toilet instead.” Her coach’s last line really seems to have struck at Cindy -- like the girl knows she‘s lucky she hasn‘t done this more. “When you’re in school and need to have a bowel movement, you need to go to the girls’ room and do it,” Coach Teiger tells the girl in a stern tone, “You shouldn’t be waiting and trying to hold it in when you obviously need to go.” The coach further points out that though she generally likes the girls to wait for a break in practice to go use the bathroom, there are obviously exceptions when there is an emergency. “Obviously, I’d rather you go use the girls’ room immediately if you need to,” she says, “Obviously, I’d rather have you disrupt practice with a trip to the girls’ room than to have an accident in your pants”

But Cindy, through her tears, again says it wasn’t like that. She says that she couldn’t help it this time. “It all just happened really suddenly,” she tells us, “I don’t know what happened.” “One minute I’m just going through practice with everyone else,” she explains, “And the next thing I had to go really, really bad.” “I’m sorry, sir -- I’m sorry, Ma’am,” she tells me and her coach respectively, “I know it’s gross -- I know it’s shameful -- but I just couldn’t help it.” “I’m sorry,” she reiterates, “I’m sorry I had another accident but I just couldn’t help it.” “I was trying to hold it in -- I was trying to get control of myself so I could get to the girls’ locker room to do it.” Cindy then explains that it just started coming out in her pants -- she went from not having to go all that bad to having to go really, really bad to having to go so bad that she couldn’t even make it to the girls’ room in time.

As Cindy tells her story -- obviously embarrassed as evidenced by the tears flowing freely down her face -- I can’t help but notice that Coach Teiger seems a but skeptical. Teammate’s teammates, however, -- well, they’re more than just a bit skeptical. A few of them, in fact, can’t hold back that skepticism.

“Oh Please! -- Give us a break already!” calls out Mary, gorgeous blonde and the team’s leading scorer, “You were holding it in since the beginning of practice and who knows how long before that.” “Really, Cindy,” chimes in Maddie, the starting point guard on the team, “It’s bad enough that you go in your pants but at least don’t lie about it.” “It’s not like we didn’t all know you were holding it in like Mary said,” adds Julie, a senior reserve forward nicknamed “HANG TIME.” “I mean, maybe you did just suddenly lose control like you said,” she tells her toilet-troubled teammate, “But what do you expect is going to happen when you just keep trying to hold it in.” “You really need to just go in the toilet when you need to,” Maddie, an outgoing sophomore blonde, chimes back in, “It really is disgusting when you go in your pants like that.” “And it’s really shameful to be still be doing that at your age,” she adds, shaking her head, “You really need to stop doing that.”

But Cindy, in a bit of an angry tone, says that she knows that. But THAT tone angers her coach a bit. “You say that you know that?” she questions Cindy rhetorically, “You know it’s gross and shameful and disgusting but you do it anyway?” But Cindy counters that the toilets in the girls’ locker room are gross and disgusting as well. “It’s not like I want to go in my pants,” she says again, “I know it’s gross but it’s gross having to do it in the girls’ locker room bathroom, too.” “It’s not as gross as going in your pants!” Mary quickly snaps back. “I mean no one actually likes going to the bathroom in there, especially when you gotta do you know what,” she lectures the girl, an angry tone in her own voice, “But it’s certainly a lot better than doing it in our pants.”

Julie (aka HANG TIME) then chimes in, decidedly more sympathetic. She suggests to Cindy that when she needs to go, she should use the girls’ room up on the 2nd floor, or in the Science Wing, or in the New Addition before coming down to practice. The tall senior beauty points out that she’s kind of used to doing it in the girls’ locker room when she needs to now, but that she used to do that in order to avoid the girls’ locker room toilets. “I don’t really care so much about it now,” Julie tells her toilet-troubled teammate, “But I used to always make sure to take care of that particular business upstairs before coming down to practice.” But Cindy claims again that she didn’t have to go then -- that she didn’t have to go until well after practice had already started.

“Come off it already, Cindy,” Mary then yells out, “Just stop lying about it already and just admit what you did.” This time even Julie, although a bit more sympathetic, cannot help but give the girl a prolonged disapproving look. That prompts the girl to respond again. “Look, I know the bathrooms are better upstairs -- I do go in there when I’m really desperate and need to,” she says in a bit of an angry, or at least aggravated, tone. “It’s better than having to go in the girls’ locker room but that’s not to say that I like that, either,” Cindy then explains, “I still would rather hold it in and go at home than do it anywhere at school.” “Why would I want to go at school if I could hold it in until I got home?” she asks no one in particular. “But you didn’t hold it in -- you went in your pants instead,” Maddie then reminds her, “You did a big, smelly, disgusting mess in your pants.” “And Coach is right, Cindy,” Maddie lectures her, “At your age this really has to stop.”

Cindy, now obviously even more agitated, lashes back at her teammates. “Look -- it’s not like I do it on purpose,” the sophomore angrily tells her teammates, “It’s not like I like having messes in my panties.” “Do you really think I like it? -- Do you really think I like how that feels?” she asks them rhetorically, “Don’t you think I want to stop having accidents?” Breaking down in tears again, she admonishes her teammates to “leave her alone.” “It’s none of your business anyway,” she angrily tells them.

But just as I’m about to bang my gavel and agree with her, Mary speaks up again. “It is my business when we all have to get punished, too,” Mary tells her, in no uncertain terms. The comment raises a few eyebrows on the TVPC and in the committee room. Coach Teiger then explains her policy that everyone on the team is responsible for what any girl on the team does. She tells us that when rules are violated, the whole team runs sprints after practice. “Obviously, that includes girls going to the bathroom in their pants,” Coach Teiger explains, “That’s 10 sprints for the whole team while the girl who actually had the accident has to run 25.” “That kind of gives the whole team an incentive to keep their teammates in line with the rules,” the pretty but strict coach adds.

“The rest of us are getting kind of tired of having to run sprints because of you,” Mary then tells Cindy, while her teammates all nod their heads in agreement. “All that just because you refuse to go use the toilet when you need to,” the pretty blonde basketball star adds.

“Well, it’s not exactly something I like doing, either,” Cindy answers them back, “And I had to run 25 when you all only had to run 10 of them.” “And I had to run mine with a mess in my panties,” the sophomore beauty also points out, “Do you have any idea how awful it feels to have to run with poop in your pants?” “Well, you were the one who did it,” Mary then snaps back immediately, “You were the one who actually did go in your pants.” “You had to run the 25 sprints because you were the one who actually had the accident,” Mary reiterates, “The rest of us used the toilet like we were supposed to and only had to run because of you.” “And if you don’t want to have to run with poop in your pants,” Coach Teiger suggests to her, “Then I’d highly recommend you not do poop in your pants in the first place.”

Moving on to the consideration of Cindy’s punishment, Coach Teiger argues for the maximum. “I’ve really had it with her and her accidents,” the pretty blonde coach tells us, “I know this one wasn’t an accident while representing the school but it’s the second time she’s done it a practice and I know she has others this year.” The coach is right. It’s her fourth panty-soiling accident of the school year and one of those (during Cross-Country season in the fall) was indeed a panty-soiling wile representing the school. Additionally, she’s got a violation for “Leaving School Grounds To Go Use The Bathroom“ a few minor violations. “Obviously, this is quite a shameful toilet record, young lady,” I admonish her, “And quite obviously the time for being lenient with you has long passed.” “It’s too bad you’re not standing before us now with your messy panties,” I tell her, “Because I’d most certainly be sentencing you to a trip down the hall to clean your mess.” “But that will most certainly happen if you mess in your panties again,” I warn her, “And if you have to do that under Coach Teiger’s supervision, then so be it.” In keeping with that, I then authorize that should she mess in her panties at practice again or, worse yet, at a game, Coach Teiger is authorized to have her clean up the mess right then and there. Coach Teiger, not surprisingly, willingly accepts responsibility for that. “I’ll let you decide if she has to clean it up before or after she runs her sprints,” I tell the coach. “Oh, she’ll run first and then clean up the mess,” Coach Teiger explains with a wide grin on her face -- a grin most sternly delivered in the direction of her toilet-troubled sophomore reserve.

In the meantime, Cindy is first sentenced to write, “I will not soil my panties in school or at basketball practice again” 1,000 times. Further, she is sentenced to a full week of detention with the time spent sitting on the toilet in the girls’ locker room. Cindy lets out an audible groan at that. “The girls’ locker room bathroom is where you should have done your bowel movement in the first place,” I remind her, “So that’s where you’ll have to do your toilet sitting punishment.” I also sentence her to do the same during her 5th period study hall for the next 2 weeks. “Just think, Cindy,” I remind her, “Had you just done your bowel movement in the toilet -- even upstairs like Julie suggested -- you wouldn’t be having to do any of this now.” The poor girl has no answer to that.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

While we’re dealing with the girls’ basketball team, we might as well move on to another matter concerning a member of the team. For that we next call a pretty senior brunette named Heidi. “I believe you have some assignments due to today,” I remind her. “Yes sir -- I have them both right here,” she tells me, as she opens her notebook to get them. “I’m sorry it took so long to finish them,” she says. “That’s alright,” I explain, “You had a full week to get them done and they weren’t due until today.”

It was one week ago that Heidi was before the TVPC concerning a matter from the prior night’s basketball game at Capeside High School. At that time, the athletic natural beauty pleaded “Guilty” to “Clogging The Toilet” in the locker room at the game. It wasn’t a serious matter as far as we were concerned -- it was a “Category #2 clog and obviously not done intentionally -- but the administration over at Capeside seemed to be a bit more upset about it than we would have expected.

First, I ask Heidi to hand in 200 times of “I will not clog the toilet in school or at girls’ basketball games again.” As directed, she hands her assignment to the TVPC clerk. “I’m sorry about the whole thing,” she tells us, repeating what she said last week. “I was just trying to go to the bathroom, sir,” she explains, “I really didn’t want to create a whole incident between our two schools.” A “Category #2” clog is, of course, clogging the toilet with a combination of a bowel movement and toilet paper. In Heidi’s case, though, the toilet paper used were paper towels that she took from the shelf by the sinks. The staff over at Capeside didn’t like the idea that Heidi wiped with paper towels instead of the toilet paper provided and thusly caused the clog. “I’m sorry this all turned into a big deal with the other school,” the articulate senior brunette continues, “But the toilet paper they had in the stalls was just really horrible.” “It wasn’t even regular toilet paper on a roll -- it was just these little pre-cut squares of it,” she remind us, “I couldn’t even imagine how I was supposed to wipe myself with that -- not after what I had just done in the toilet.” That last comment raises a few eyebrows in the committee room. “What I meant, sir, was that I had really taken a major bowel movement,” she clarifies, “Trying to wipe with those little squares of tissue, I was surely going to get it all over my hand.”

Coach Teiger explains to her that what they had there is called “Leaf” toilet tissue. “I suppose it’s cheaper than regular toilet paper,” she tells her starting center, “At least I hope so because it’s certainly nowhere near as good as regular toilet paper on a roll.” Heidi nods her head in agreement with her coach. “And I suppose it doesn’t clog the toilet as easily, either,” Coach Teiger with a broad smile on her face, chides the girl. Heidi goes on to explain that not wanting to wipe with the “Leaf” toilet tissue and seeing a stack of paper towels over by the sinks, she decided to wipe with those instead. “I really didn’t think it would be a problem, sir,” she tells me, “I really didn’t think it would be a big deal to wipe with the paper towels instead.” “I didn’t think it would be much different than wiping with regular toilet paper,” she says, “I guess I just didn’t realize paper towels couldn’t be flushed as easily -- especially with how much I ended up using.” “I guess I shouldn’t have tried to flush so many paper towels at once,” Heidi then speculates, “I guess I should have flushed after a few wipes or at least flushed the bowel movement first before I even started wiping myself.” “I’m sorry -- I really didn’t want to create any problems between our 2 schools,” she says, directing her comments to her coach.

Coach Teiger just shakes her head. “It really wasn’t a big deal as far as I’m concerned,” she tells her Heidi, “I do think they’ve made a bigger deal out of this than it is.” “I mean, you did get a little careless with the paper towels and the toilet did get clogged because of it,” the coach explains to her, “But it’s not like you did it on purpose or anything.” “And I think the toilet itself is at least partly to blame,” she adds. Coach Teiger then explains that she didn’t think either of the 2 toilets in the locker room were flushing all that well. “I used the other toilet there and that was only to urinate,” the pretty, blonde-haired coach explains, “And my toilet was barely able to flush that.” The implication, of course, is that if the other toilet had a weak flush like that, it’s no wonder it got clogged when Heidi tried to flush a large bowel movement along with everything else. She then explains further that she normally doesn’t let her girls go somewhere else to use the bathroom. “I normally want the girls to stay in the locker room and use the toilets there,” she says. “But this time I told them they could go use the girls’ room in the hallway if they needed to,” Coach Teiger explains, “In fact, I told them that if they needed a bowel movement, I really didn’t want them doing that in the locker room toilets at all.” “And I can’t really blame you for wiping with paper towels, either,” she tells the girl, “Thankfully, I only had to urinate, but even for that those crummy little tissues barely did the job.”

Looking over, I see several members of the team nodding their head in agreement with that. Mary, a gorgeous junior blonde and the team’s leading scorer, points out that she also had to do a bowel movement there. “Well, I did have to wipe with those crummy little tissues and it was really awful,” she says, “I don’t know how girls at that school stand it having to wipe with that all the time.” “The toilet paper here is like SEVENTH HEAVEN by comparison,” she says. She notes that the toilet she used -- in the girls’ room in the gym hallway -- did flush properly, though. Maddie, a pretty sophomore point guard, also chimes in. “Yeah -- I had to do a bowel movement there as well,” she tells us, “And I had to wipe with those tissues, too.” “Those little tissues barely clean you at all,” she explains. “And Heid was right about getting it all over your hand,” Maddie explains further, “There’s just no way to wipe with those and not get it all over your hand.” The comment draws a chorus of “Ewww!” from the assembled crowd -- most prominent among them Maddie’s twin sister Liv. Liv -- a decidedly more prissy sort than the athletic Maddie -- is here serving detention for lining a toilet seat with toilet paper. “Fortunately, I only had to pee,” Hana, a reserve guard, then chime in, “And luckily I had some Kleenex in my bag to dry myself with.” “I definitely would not have wanted to wipe myself with those tissues -- especially for a #2,” the skinny junior adds, “But Mary is right about the toilets, though -- the ones in the hallway girls’ room really did have a nice flush to them.”

With that, I quickly bang my gavel. This discussion has gotten way off track and I must bring it back to the matter at hand. Checking with the TVPC clerk, he informs me that the writing assignment handed in by Heidi, appears to be complete and in good order. He notes that the writing is done particularly neatly and she even numbered the pages. The assignment is, of course, accepted.

Next, I ask Heidi to hand in the 1,000 word apology essay that she also had to write as punishment for this incident. The senior beauty has informed me that she has completed that as well. Accordingly, I direct her to also hand that one to the TVPC clerk and she again does as directed. She then once again apologizes for the incident and how it seemed to have created an incident between our two schools. Coach Teiger reiterates, though, that it was no big deal and that she shouldn’t let it bother her. “Next year, maybe we’ll bring our own toilet paper when we go there,” the coach suggests, “Or maybe we’ll stop at a McDonald’s on the way and take care of our business there.” “Or maybe we should get some of that leaf toilet tissue and put in the locker room for them to use when they come here,” Maddie jokes. The comment draws a multitude of laughs from her coach and teammates.

Checking with the TVPC clerk again, he notes that Heidi’s punishment essay also seems complete and in good order. Accordingly, that assignment is accepted as well.

Moving on to cases from today, I see it’s a case filed by Dr. Flower, our very strict -- and oftentimes overzealous -- Advanced Science teacher. I see that she has brought a charge of “Leaving The Toilet Unflushed” and she’s brought it against Miss Musso -- our sexy, perennially spandex-clad Cheerleading Coach. Specifically, Dr. Flower has charged that Miss Musso, who is also a Gym Teacher, left a toilet unflushed in the Science Wing Girls’ Room after doing a bowel movement in there just before 7th period this afternoon. “It’s not bad enough that you have to come all the way up to the Science Wing Girls’ Room to take your big smelly dumps?” she sarcastically asks Miss Musso, “But then you have to leave it unflushed in the toilet as well?” As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, Coach Musso -- because of panty-soiling issues at games in the past -- is subject to TVPC rules and punishments just as our girls’ are.

But today, Coach Musso pleads “Not Guilty” and insists she is innocent of the charge. “I did use the toilet in there -- I had a bowel movement,” Coach Musso acknowledges, “But I most certainly did flush the toilet when I was done.” “I most certainly did flush the toilet when I was done!” she repeats, this time raising her voice a bit and directing her comment directly -- and angrily -- to Dr. Flower, “I flushed the toilet when I was done and it all went down without any problems.” Dr. Flower just stands there shaking her head back at Coach Musso. These two women, for whatever reason, just don’t seem to get along.

“Why do you have to come all the way upstairs to the Science Wing to do your big, smelly dumps, anyway,” Dr. Flower then asks Coach Musso, a condescending tone quite evident, “Why can’t you stay in your own part of the building when you have to do that?” Immediately I bang my gavel and direct the two of them to cease hostilities. But mostly I direct that to the pretty but bookish Science Teacher. “That’s enough of that, Amy,” I tell Dr. Flower, “We don’t need any comments about Grace’s bowel movements from you.” “And she’s allowed to do her bowel movements in the Science Wing Girls’ Room if that’s what she wants,” I tell her, “We don’t limit any of our girls -- much less teachers -- to what particular girls’ room they may use.” Hearing that, the sexy, spandex-clad Gym Teacher flashes a broad -- and quite obnoxious -- smile over to Dr. Flower.

But Dr. Flower still doesn’t like the idea of Coach Musso coming upstairs to use the Science Wing Girls’ Room -- especially, apparently, when she does so to have a bowel movement. “I just don’t understand why she can’t use the bathroom downstairs where she belongs,” Dr. Flower rants, “I mean, she teaches in the gym for pete’s sake -- why does she have to come upstairs just to do her business?” “I mean, we do have toilets down by the gym, don’t we?” she asks sarcastically. “It’s just that we’ve only got one girls’ room for the entire Science Wing,” she rants on, “And it’s crowded enough already without someone coming all the way from another part of the building just to take a dump there.”

Coach Musso seems about ready to answer her back, but I bang my gavel to stop her. “That won’t be necessary, Grace,” I tell her. “There’s no need to justify where you go to the bathroom,” I explain, “You can continue to use the Science Wing Girls’ Room if you like.” “She can use the Science Wing Girls’ Room if she likes,” I reiterate -- this time directing my comments to Dr. Flower instead.

A bit frustrated, I then direct that both women redirect their attention to the issue at hand -- that, of course, being the unflushed toilet this afternoon in the Science Wing Girls’ Room. “Well, that’s just it, Mr. Chairman,” Coach Musso then speaks in her defense, “She’s just charging me because she hates me -- she’s just charging me with this because she doesn’t like me using the Science Wing Girls’ Room sometimes.” “Sometimes!” Dr. Flower answers back sarcastically, “I’ve seen you upstairs at least 3 times in the past week.” “I mean, I hadn’t seen you upstairs for a while -- I thought finally you might be using the toilet somewhere else like you should,” Dr. Flower tells her, “And now suddenly I see you like 3 times in the last week.” “You see -- there it is, Mr. Chairman,” Coach Musso then snaps right back, “You heard it right there, sir -- she only brought this charge against me because she doesn’t want me using the girls’ room there in the Science Wing.

“Well, that’s not exactly what she said, Grace,” I tell the sexy, toilet-troubled Gym Teacher and Coach, “I mean she obviously hates the fact that you oftentimes go to the bathroom there but she didn’t say that’s why she’s brought charges against you. This time, I see the pretty and smart Science Teacher smiling and nodding her head. “I charged Grace with this, because she was the one who did it,” Dr. Flower then asserts, “She was the one who left the toilet unflushed.” Asked whether she thinks Coach Musso left it unflushed on purpose or not, Dr. Flower says she’s not sure. “Well, I’ve really got no reason to believe she did it on purpose, I guess,” she then tells us, “So I’m figuring I can only charge her with doing it accidentally.” Leaving the toilet unflushed on purpose -- especially after a bowel movement -- is, of course, more serious than just forgetting to flush. Checking again the Violation Report filed by Dr. Flower, I see that she’s only charged Coach Musso with the lesser charge of just forgetting to flush.

But even with that, I’m still not seeing much evidence of Grace’s guilt. Checking with her accuser further, she explains that she saw Grace going into a stall in the girls’ room just as she herself was coming out of one. “I saw which stall she went into, Mr. Chairman,” Dr. Flower explains, “And as I was over at the sinks washing my hands, I could hear that Miss Musso was doing a bowel movement.” “And a short time later, another student found that particular toilet unflushed,” the Science Teacher reports further, “Unflushed with a very good-sized bowel movement and a whole lot of well-used toilet paper.” That other student -- a raven-haired cheerleader named Libby -- confirms the story. “I was just going in there to pee and I found that,” Libby reports. “I knew it was a toilet violation to leave a toilet unflushed like that so I left it alone and reported it,” she explains, “I went and reported it immediately after I went and peed in a different stall.”

The TVPC obviously believes the girl’s story -- there isn’t really a question that SOMEONE did a bowel movement in there and left the toilet unflushed -- but the case against Coach Musso is dubious at best. And Coach Musso, on the other hand, actually has two witnesses on her behalf. A very smart and quite pretty “goth-girl”-type named Abby reports that she was in the Science Wing Girls’ Room along with Coach Musso. “I saw Miss Musso coming out as I was going in to the next stall to pee,” Abby reports, “And I could see and hear that she had flushed the toilet.” Blossom, a pretty blonde senior and top flight Science student, was also in there at the time. “I was in the next stall from Miss Musso on the other side,” Blossom reports, “And I was doing a bowel movement as well.” “She was done before me and I heard her flushing the toilet -- I was wiping myself at the time,” Blossom tells us. “The only thing I can think of is maybe the toilet didn’t flush completely and there was still a little left in the toilet,” the smart and articulate blonde speculates, “But Miss Musso definitely did flush the toilet.” Checking the evidence in this case -- specifically, the cell phone picture of the unflushed toilet -- reveals that this was no leftover from a partially flushed toilet. “This was obviously a full toilet -- obviously it was something that hadn’t been flushed at all,” I explain, referring to the picture. The other members of the TVPC nod their heads in agreement with my assessment. Neither girl has any idea of how may have used the toilet later and deposited that rather large bowel movement in the toilet.

Mrs. Adler -- new to the TVPC this year -- asks if Blossom is Dr. Flower’s daughter. “You two look so much alike you could be the same person,” she says. They are not related but the resemblance is indeed quite remarkable.

Considering the evidence at hand -- or rather the lack of evidence -- the TVPC must find Miss Musso “Not Guilty” on the charge of “Clogging The Toilet.” The sexy, spandex-clad beauty is then dismissed without any further action.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

For the next matter before the TVPC this afternoon, we have a petite and pretty blonde-haired senior named Six. She is charged by Miss Bliss, a Social Studies Teacher, with using her cell phone in the girls’ room. BLOSSOM is actually Six’s closest friend and she’s here for this case as well-- apparently for moral support this time.

“I was heading into the Science Wing Girls’ Room during 5th period this afternoon to make a routine check,” reports Miss Bliss, “We had CeCe scheduled to be doing toilet sitting punishment in there that period and I was checking on her.” “Sometimes I like to make a surprise visit just to SHAKE IT UP,” the pretty and popular Social Studies Teacher explains. “For whatever reason, CeCe was not in there like she was supposed to be,” the ever vigilant Miss Bliss explains further, “But I did hear someone in one of the stalls talking on her cellphone.” “I wasn’t surprised at all to find out that it was Six,” Miss Bliss reports, smiling in the process. The implication, of course, is that Six is quite the talkative sort. She also has an amazing ability to talk rapidly and still make herself understood.

Also here to charge the pretty senior chatterbox is Miss Robinson, a pretty but quite strict Science Teacher. She is apparently Six’s 5th period Chemistry teacher. She is charging Six with leaving her class under false pretenses. As I note that charge for the record, Six turns and looks at her teacher with a puzzled look -- as if she really doesn’t understand the charge. “You told me that you needed to go to the girls’ room -- You begged me for permission to go,” Miss Robinson then explains to her, “You said that if I didn’t let you have a girls’ room pass, you were going to mess in your panties.” “I didn’t give you a pass to the girls’ room to talk on your cellphone,” she admonishes Six, “If I knew the real reason you wanted to go to the girls’ room, I certainly would have never let you go.”

Miss Robinson wonders if Six even had to use the toilet at all. She asks Miss Bliss about that. “I mean, you said you caught her on her phone in a stall,” Miss Robinson asks her, “So I wonder if she even used the toilet at all.” “Well, she was on the toilet,” Miss Bliss answers with a smile, “But she was sitting there fully clothed.” “She didn‘t have her pants pulled down at all,” Miss Bliss continues, “So if she did have to go, I don’t think she did it in the toilet.” Miss Robinson then asks her if she checked to see whether Six had indeed gone in her pants. But Miss Bliss just shakes her head “no.” “She didn‘t go in her pants,” Miss Bliss tells her, “I’m not sure exactly what her situation was but she definitely didn’t go in her pants.” “I didn’t actually check her, Judy,” she tells Miss Robinson, “But with jeans that tight, I think just about anything in her pants would be clearly noticeable.” I have to say that much is certain. With pants that tight, it’s a wonder that Six can even breath.

“Miss Robinson?” then comes a voice from the back of the room -- a voice belonging to Quinn, currently serving detention for “Using Too Much Toilet Paper.” She’s got her hand raised requesting permission to speak. She is, of course, given permission to do so. Quinn tells us that Six got a pass to the girls’ room the period before as well. “Six is in French class with me 4th period,” Quinn, a sophomore, explains, “And she got a pass from Mrs. Defequer to go to the girls’ room then, too.” The implication, of course, is that it is unlikely that Six genuinely had to go to the girls’ room both of those times. Upon questioning from me, Six explains that she really did have to go during 4th period French -- she had to “pee” she explains -- but admits that she didn’t really have to go when she said that she did during 5th period Chemistry with Miss Robinson. “I just made it up as an excuse, sir,” the pretty blonde senior acknowledges. “I didn’t really have to go at all, sir,” she tells me, “I just told me Miss Robinson that I did so I could go use my phone.” “I’m sorry, sir -- I’m sorry, ma’am,” she adds, looking at me and then turning to look at Miss Robinson.

But while admitting that what she did was wrong, Six argues that it wasn’t all that serious. She claims that she should only be charged with one rather than two toilet violations. “All I really did was use my cellphone in the girls’ room,” she says. “I know we’re not supposed to do that and I have to be punished for that,” she argues, “But I really don’t think I should get another punishment on top of that.” But I quickly disabuse her of that notion. “You committed two toilet violations, young lady,” I tell her in no uncertain terms, “And you will be charged with and punished for both.” “You lied to your teacher and you got a girls’ room pass under false pretenses,” I explain, “And then once in the girls’ room, you used your cellphone when you knew you weren’t allowed to.” “No, young lady -- You committed two toilet violations,” I reiterate, “And like I said, you most certainly will be punished for both.”

Blossom, Six’s best friend, then steps up and requests to speak in her friend’s defense. “I think what Six means to say, sir, is that neither of her offense are that serious,” Blossom explains, “I mean, she knows she committed both offenses and needs to be punished, but she hopes you’ll consider that she really didn’t do much harm. Blossom, obviously, is the more articulate of the two. The pretty, blonde-haired honor student then goes on to explain that the punishment for cellphone use in the girls’ room varies considerably based on the specifics of what a girl uses her cellphone for. “She didn’t use the phone to take pictures of other girls in the girls’ room or tease or embarrass them in any way,” Blossom argues, “She just used her phone to talk on.” “She knows that it was wrong and she accepts having to be punished for it,” Blossom acknowledges, “But she wasn’t using it for anything worse than that -- Nothing that was all that serious.” Six nods her head in agreement with her friend.

Miss Bliss and Miss Robinson also seem to agree with Blossom’s argument. “Six was indeed only talking on her phone when I caught her,” Miss Bliss reports, “I didn’t see her doing anything other than that with her phone.” But Miss Robinson does argue that lying to get a girls’ room pass, as Six did, should not be taken lightly. “You told me you had an emergency -- You told me you were going to mess in your panties if I didn’t let you go to the girls’ room,” Miss Robinson reminds the senior beauty, “But the truth was that you had just been to the girls’ room the period before -- The truth was that you didn’t have to go at all.” “It’s because of things like that that we get suspicious of students asking for a girls’ room pass -- It’s because of things like that that we sometimes don’t believe girls when they tell us the need to use the toilet,” she admonishes Six, “It’s because of girls like you who abuse girls’ room passes that we sometimes deny them to girls who really do need to go -- It’s because of girls lying like you did that girls have accidents sometimes.” Many in the committee room -- myself included -- are a bit taken aback by Miss Robinson’s harsh comment. But, harsh as it may be, it’s essentially correct. Neither Blossom nor Six have anything to say to that.

Checking Six’s folder, I see that she has a prior violation for “Panty-Soiling” -- ironically enough when Mrs. Defequer wouldn’t excuse her from class to go to the girls’ room -- and a violation for “Loitering In The Girls’ Room.” For “Using A Cellphone In The Girls’ Room” Six is sentenced to write “I will not use a cellphone in the girls’ room again” 200 times and to serve 2 hours of detention. But “Leaving Class Under False Pretenses” is a bit more serious. For that, she gets 3 hours detention and has to write, “I will not lie to get a girls’ room pass again” 300 times as well as to write a 1,000 word letter of apology to Miss Robinson.

“That’s 500 times!” Six then exclaims. She’s not exactly a Math genius, but she’s smart enough to at least figure that out. She complains that the punishment is excessive, especially considering that she has no prior offenses of either violation and has a good toilet record in general. But I remind her that she is being punished for two separate violations. “I think the punishment is entirely appropriate,” I tell her, matter-of-factly, “And you can bet it’ll be considerably worse if you ever do that again.” I also stipulate that for the next two months, Six is not to be give a girls’ room pass in Miss Robinson’s class. “Not under ANY circumstances,” I tell her angrily and note for the record. “Don’t even ask Miss Robinson because it’s not up to her,” I warn Six, “It’s part of your TVPC punishment that you are not to get a girls’ room pass in Chemistry Class for the next 2 months.”

Before closing the case, Mrs. Karbopple raises an issue with Six’s apology essay to Miss Robinson. “I think we need to make sure that it’s really Six writing the essay,” Mrs. Karbopple says, “It’s her punishment and she’s the one who actually needs to write it not Blossom.” She raises a valid point. “I know you two girls are friends,” I point out, addressing both Six and Blossom, “But a punishment essay from the TVPC is not a group project.” “I want Six to write the essay and I want her to do it without any undue influence from you,” I continue, this time addressing Blossom more directly, “And I don’t only mean that Six must physically write it, I mean that she has to compose the actual words.” Both Blossom and Six indicate that they understand.

The next matter before the TVPC, of course, deals with why Cece was not on the toilet in the Science Wing Girls’ Room doing toilet sitting punishment when Miss Bliss went to check on her 5th period. Cece, an energetic junior redhead, was scheduled to be serving that punishment for improperly squatting over the toilet -- she left the toilet seat down -- while having a bowel movement last week in that very same bathroom. Because a subsequent check of school attendance records revealed that CeCe was indeed present in school today, a Violation Report was promptly issued charging the outgoing sophomore beauty with “Skipping A TVPC Punishment.”

But as I call the matter before the TVPC at this time, I receive a message from the TVPC clerk. It seems that a further check of school attendance records reveals that while CeCe was indeed present in school this morning, she subsequently reported to the school nurse. The record then shows that she went home sick during 4th period. Consequently, her absence from her toilet sitting punishment 5th period is marked as “excused” and the Violation Report charging her with a toilet violation for that is officially cancelled. Thanking the TVPC clerk for his diligence in rechecking the attendance records, I then move on to the next case.

Moving along with our agenda this afternoon, we next have 2 matters of committee business. For the first, I call Bella, a very pretty but always quite pale-looking junior brunette. It was one week ago that Bella was before the TVPC in badly soiled panties -- her 5th such offense of the current school year. Normally, Bella would be serving detention sitting on the toilet downstairs in the Main Corridor girls’ room -- a consequence, of course, of her panty-soiling last week -- but she has another matter before the TVPC today.

“Do you have something for us, young lady?” I ask Bella. Bella, normally a shyish, soft-spoken type, nods her head “yes” as she reaches into the notebook-type folder that she’s carrying. What she has, I presume, is her completed punishment assignment -- specifically, “I will not soil my panties in school again” written 1,000 times. For her sake, I hope she has it finished. Faithful readers of the TVPC know, of course, that punishment writing assignments are due in one week from when they are assigned. Girls may hand in the assignment to the TVPC anytime before the due date. But if it’s not turned in by the due date, the girl is called before the TVPC and give one last chance to hand it in before the assignment gets doubled.

As Bella holds up a thick packet of paper that I presume is her assignment, I ask her if she has finished it. “Yes sir, I finished it -- all 1,000 times,” she tells me, “It wasn’t easy but I managed to get it done last night.” “Last night I started before TWIGHLIGHT and it was BREAKING DAWN before I was finished,” she tells us, as she hands the punishment assignment to the TVPC clerk as directed. “Let me tell you that writing something 1,000 times is an awfully lot of writing to do,” she adds. “Really sir, I was up practically all night last night writing it,” she explains, “And that wasn’t even the whole punishment -- I had written like 300 of the lines before last night.” “Well, you had an entire week to get it done, young lady” I remind her, “Perhaps if you hadn’t saved most of it for the last day, you wouldn’t have had to be writing all night.” “Spread out over 7 days, 1,000 times is less than 150 times per day,” I add, “Or maybe you could just go in the toilet like you’re supposed to and you wouldn’t have to write any punishment sentences to begin with.”

“Or maybe you could have given me a break,” Bella then snaps back, catching all of us a bit off guard with her uncharacteristically argumentative tone. “I mean, did you really have to give me 1,000 times just for that,” she argues, “It wasn’t like I actually did a lot in my pants..” “I mean, I did actually do most of it in the toilet, you know -- it actually wasn’t very much in my panties at all,” she argues further, “Don’t you think that 1,000 times was going a bit overboard for something like that.” “And not to mention a week of after school detention and 2 weeks of my study hall period sitting on the toilet,” she adds. “It was your 5th time messing in your panties here at school,” I remind her, “What do you expect?” “You keep telling me that you don’t have a problem with using the bathrooms here at school -- You keep telling me that you’re willing to use them when you need to,” I point out, “Yet you’ve done it in your pants 5 times this school alone.” “The punishment gets worse for repeat offenders, “I remind her, “You got 500 times last time and you still messed in your pants so you got 1,000 times this time.” “It’s all well and good that you managed to get most of it in the toilet and the accident wasn‘t all that bad,” I add, “But the point is that you shouldn’t be doing ANY of it your panties at all.”

With that, Bella starts complaining about not being allowed to use the particular girls’ room she wants to -- She likes to use the one up here on the 2nd floor or at least the one in the New Addition. “At least if I could have some privacy I could easily go at school,” Bella complains, “At least let me come upstairs and use the bathroom there if I need to.” “I just don’t know why you won’t let me use the bathroom I want,” she laments in an uncharacteristic surely tone, “I don’t know why you won’t let me go where I could at least get some privacy.” This particular accident happened because Mrs. Buchman -- her English teacher -- would only give her permission to use the girls’ room 2 doors down from her classroom. But that girls’ room is located in the school’s main corridor and is usually quite busy during the school day. Apparently Bella doesn’t like to use it -- at least not for a bowel movement.

But I quickly shoot down any discussion of this topic as we went through this last week when she was sentenced for soiling her panties. “That’s enough!” I tell her and I bang my gavel. “If a teacher has rules that you use a particular bathroom, that’s the bathroom you will use,” I tell her in no uncertain terms, “Or, if not, you suffer the consequences.” “There’s plenty more writing assignments for you if you can’t manage to do your bowel movements in the toilet from now on,” I warn her, “And next time you’ll be cleaning up the mess right here in school as well.”

Checking now with our TVPC clerk, he notes that he has checked over the punishment assignment that Bella handed in. He notes that it appears complete and in good order -- “I will not soil my panties in school again” written front and back on 20 sheets of paper totaling 1,000 times. In fact, he notes that Bella’s writing is particularly neat. That’s not easy to do when you are writing something 1,000 times. “Do I get a reward for that?” Bella asks sarcastically. “Yes -- You get to not have to write it all over again,” I angrily retort. Bella, wisely, realizes that it’s best to simply forego any further comment.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Or next matter of committee business this afternoon also concerns a girl’s punishment writing assignment but this is an entirely different type of matter. This matter concerns Joanie, a petite senior brunette, and she is already here serving detention for smoking in the girls’ room. As I call her up to the podium, it’s impossible not to notice the huge wet spot in the crotch and down both legs of her jeans.

“How’s it going, Joanie?” I ask her. “Well, not so bad today,” the senior beauty responds, “I’m wet, of course, but at least I avoided the other thing today.” She explains that she went both ways at home this morning and thus didn’t need to have a bowel movement at school today. “I went both ways at home yesterday, too, but then I needed to go again at school,” she also explains, “It wasn’t the worst load that I’ve had in my pants but it was a load nonetheless.” “Wetting your pants is something you can sort of get used to,” Joanie tells us, “But it’s those loads in my pants that are really hard to deal with.” “And unfortunately I’ve had quite a few days with loads in my pants,” she adds. These are certainly not HAPPY DAYS for Joanie as she’s currently serving time on toilet suspension. Toilet suspension is, of course, where girls are not allowed to use any school toilet for any reason. “Well, how many days do you have left?” I ask her. “Two more days after today,” she tells me, “Two more days until I get my toilet privileges back.” “I just can’t wait until I can use the toilet in school again,” she says, “I never thought I’d miss using the girls’ rooms here but it sure beats going in my pants.”

Getting to the crux of the matter today, the TVPC has before it two punishment writing assignments recently handed in by Joanie. One of them is a punishment writing assignment -- specifically, “I will not smoke in the girls’ room in school again” written 1,000 times. That was, of course, the girl’s punishment for smoking in the girls’ room. And it being her 2nd offense, is why she’s serving 3 weeks on toilet suspension. The other punishment assignment that Joanie handed in is a copy of a 1,000 word letter of apology that she had to write to a freshman girl named Amy. Amy had gotten a pass from her English teacher and was planning to use the girls’ room when she encountered Joanie smoking in there. Joanie’s smoking apparently scared Amy away from using the girls’ room and a short time later she soiled her panties in class. Amy is, of course, responsible for her own bodily functions -- obviously, someone in there smoking is not a legitimate reason for a girl not to use the girls’ room when she needs to -- and thus was punished for the panty-soiling. But since Joanie’s smoking did serve to discourage the shy freshman cutie from using the girls’ room, Joanie was also punished for contributing to the girl’s panty-soiling accident. Had Joanie not been in the girls’ room smoking, Amy would have likely done her bowel movement in the toilet there and not ended up with a mess in her panties at all.

Now, as these 2 writing assignments are being passed amongst the members of the TVPC, one thing seems abundantly clear. The handwriting on one punishment assignment is very different from the handwriting on the other punishment assignment. I, of course, ask Joanie about that. At first, the pretty senior brunette offers no explanation for the discrepancy. “I don’t know, sir” she says, shrugging her shoulders. But I press her for an explanation. “These are your assignments, young lady,” I tell her, “It seems very odd that you’d write the repetitive writing in a different handwriting than you wrote the apology essay.” Joanie then tries to explain the difference based on the different kind of writing that each assignment is. “With the 1,000 times you just sit and write,” she explains, “You don’t really have to even think about what you’re writing.” “But with the apology essay,” she continues, “That’s a different type of writing entirely.” “With that you have to think about what you’re going to write,” she explains, “You’re not writing fast at all because you have to think about what you’re going to say.” Actually, that’s not a bad try at explaining the discrepancy in handwriting, but Joanie isn’t fooling anyone.

“Really, Joanie?” I ask her, my disbelieving tone quite evident, “Are you really going to stick with that story?” Hearing that, she just looks at me puzzled. “Really, Joanie?” I reiterate. “The handwriting on these 2 assignments isn’t even close,” I tell her, “They OBVIOUSLY were not written by the same person.” “Are you really going to stick to that story?” I ask her again, “Or don’t you think you’re in enough trouble already?” I warn her that this is her last chance to be honest and come clean as to what she’s done. “Or do you want to add ’Lying to the TVPC’ to the charges against you,” I warn, “That’s good for at least 500 sentences to write and particularly long sentences at that.” I remind her that when girls get punished for that they don’t just get to write “TVPC” but have to write out the full “Toilet Violations Punishment Committee” with all 500 sentences.

Given one last chance to tell the truth, Joanie then breaks down in tears. She then admits that she didn’t write the 1,000 times repetitive writing assignment. “I did writing the apology essay -- honest, I did,” she insists, “But I had help with the 1,000 times punishment.” “You had help?” I ask her, a bit puzzled. Reluctantly, she then admits the full story of how she paid another girl $75 to write the whole thing for her. “I did the punishment essay -- I really did write that one,” she reiterates, “But I paid someone else to write else to do the 1,000 times for me.” “It was such a long assignment -- it takes like forever to write something 1,000 times,” she says, “And with work and schoolwork and such I had so many other things to do.” “So I paid another girl to write the 1,000 times for me,” she explains again, “I paid her $75 to do it for me.” “She’s a college student and she lives across the street from me,” Joanie adds, “I guess she needed the money.” She goes on to tell us that this other girl also wrote a lot of lines in high school for smoking in the girls’ room. “She told me that she had to write lines so many times that she got really good at it,” Joanie explains, “She said that it got to the point that even 1,000 lines didn’t take her all that long to write.” “But they didn’t have toilet suspension at her school she said,” Joanie explains further, “Instead they had some kind of punishment where when you had to go, you had to get a teacher to go to the bathroom with you.” “I guess that beats going in your pants, though,” she adds.

Needless to say, I’m not at all pleased with Joanie’s explanation. Obviously, I’m glad she told us the truth now, but paying another girl to do her punishment is obviously inexcusable. “You paid another girl to write your punishment for you?” I ask her rhetorically, “You didn’t want to do it yourself because it takes too long and you had other things to do?” “That’s why it’s called a PUNISHMENT, young lady,” I lecture her, “It’s supposed to be time consuming and tedious and unpleasant.” “If these punishments were fun to write they really wouldn’t be much of a deterrent against smoking in the girls’ room, would they?” I ask her. “No sir, they wouldn’t,” she answers me contritely. “But, of course, the punishment doesn’t really have much of an effect if you have another girl write it for you, does?” Joanie just nods her head in agreement with that.

“Well, obviously now you’ve made it worse on yourself,” I explain as I move on to her punishment. “That’s 1,000 sentences that you didn’t actually write,” I point out and note for the record, “So that makes 2,000 sentences that you owe us now.” Hearing that, she pleads with me to give her a break. “Please sir!” she says, “I know I have to write the sentences myself but can’t you just please let me just write the 1,000 sentences?” “Please sir,” she pleads some more,” Please just let me write the 1,000 sentences and not make it 2,000 now!” But the girl’s request is almost laughable. “You had your chance to write 1,000 times,” I point out, “And you not only didn’t write them but you pulled a stupid stunt like this.” “You can consider yourself lucky I’m not giving you even more writing for trying to deceive the TVPC,” I lecture her, “How would you like yet another 1,000 times just as punishment for handing in someone else’s writing as your own?” She just shakes her head “no” -- a look of horror on her face at the suggestion of even more writing punishment to do. Still, I do have to punish for that but I figure she’s already got enough writing to keep her quite busy this week. Instead, I assign her an additional 2 weeks of detention and I stipulate that 1 week of that detention be spent standing in the corner with a sign on her back indicating her offense. “I want people to see what you’re being punished for,” I tell her, “I want the other girls to see what happens when you try to fake a punishment writing assignment with the TVPC.” “Yes sir,” Joanie then answers, a look of dejection and resignation on her face to go along with the tears.

Apparently the detentions (especially since she’ll soon be off toilet suspension) don’t seem to concern her as much as now having to write 2,000 sentences. “Um….how much time do I have to write the lines?” she asks. I, and the rest of the TVPC, look at her surprised. “Punishment writing assignments are due in 1 week,” I explain to her, “Punishment writing assignments are always due in 1 week.” This time she looks at us surprised. “One week for 1,000 times?” she asks, “Don’t I get more time for something like 2,000 times?” But I just shake my head “no.” “Punishment assignments are due in one week,” I reiterate, “That is TVPC policy.” But Joanie -- perhaps not surprisingly -- doesn’t like that and starts to complain even worse.

Immediately, I cut her off -- using my gavel in the process. “TVPC policy is that you have one week to get a writing punishment assignment done,” I repeat again, “You don’t get more time just because you managed to get yourself a more severe assignment.” “You especially don’t get more time when the only reason you got a longer assignment is that you tried to cheat on your previous assignment.” “But sir -- I can’t write 2,000 times in just one week,” she complains, looking increasingly desperate, “It would be hard enough to write 1,000 times in one week but 2,000 times seems all but impossible in 1 week.” “Well then, maybe you should have just written the 1,000 times when you had the chance,” I remind her, “That should have been even more of a reason not to cheat and get your assignment doubled.”

It seems abundantly clear that Joanie now understands the error of her ways but that’s still not going to help her complete this rather onerous writing assignment. “Well, I guess, I’ll just have to do the best I can,” she says, now apparently resigned to her fate, “I’ll just have to get as much done in 1 week as I can.” “I know what I don’t finish in 1 week will get doubled for the next week and I’ll just have to write more lines then,” she acknowledges, “But I still think it’s going to take me 2 weeks to finish this.” “I guess I just deserve that for what I did,” she says, shaking her head.

But this time, it’s me shaking my head. “Well, suit yourself, young lady,” I tell her, “But I think there’s something you might not understand.” “How many days do you have left on toilet suspension?” I ask her. “Thankfully, I only have 2 more days,” she says, obviously in great anticipation to when she can use the toilet again in school. With that, I then explain to her that since she didn’t actually complete the 1,000 times the first week it was assigned, the failure to complete the 2,000 sentences on time would constitute the SECOND time the assignment was not done on time. I pause for a moment to give that a chance to sink in with the senior brunette. “The SECOND time you fail to complete a punishment writing assignment on time we not only double the unfinished portion of the punishment,” I explain, “But the girl also goes on toilet suspension until she finishes it all.”

I pause again to let that sink in and the look on Joanie’s face soon turns to sheer horror. “You mean I could be off toilet suspension for like 3 days and then have to go right back on toilet suspension?” she asks, “You mean, I could finally get my toilet privileges back only to have to go right back to going in my pants again?” “Absolutely!” I tell her, “That is if you don’t get your 2,000 times finished this week.” She starts to argue some more, but I immediately stop her once again. “This is not a debate, young lady” I tell her sternly, “The matter is not up for discussion.” “If you don’t get it all done in 1 week, you go on toilet suspension again,” I warn her, “So if you don’t want to go back on toilet suspension, I suggest you buckle down and get the 2,000 times done on time.”

With that I bang my gavel to move on to the next case.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

For our next case -- a panty-soiling case -- we have Lilly, a fiery, melodramatic sophomore redhead. She is charged with soiling her panties in Biology class during 6th period this afternoon. It’s her 3rd such offense of the school year and suffice to say, she’s not happy about it. I mean, most girls are upset at soiling their panties, but Lilly is actually angry about it.

“It’s not my fault,” she tells me, before I can even ask her for her plea. “It’s not my fault,” she insists, this time glaring at her Biology teacher, Miss Robinson, “If she’d have just let me go to the girls’ room when I asked, this never would have happened.” “And this isn’t the first time this has happened,” Lilly continues angrily, “I’m going to be like GROUNDED FOR LIFE this time, you know!” “What is it with this school?” she asks, again in an angry tone, “Why can’t we just go to the bathroom when we need to?” Warning her to watch her tone and trying to calm her down a bit, I ask her for her plea to the “panty-soiling” charge. The loud and oftentimes abrasive redhead reluctantly pleads “Guilty.” “Well, I did it, so I guess that makes me guilty,” she argues, “But it really isn’t my fault -- It really never would have happened if Miss Robinson had just let me go to the girls’ room when I asked.” “I told you I had to go -- I told you I couldn’t wait,” Lilly angrily continues, now turning to address Miss Robinson, “Now look what you made me do.” With that, the pretty sophomore turns to let us the mess in her pants. Looking at it myself, I have to say it doesn’t look all that bad -- the mess is barely visible under her dark-colored pleated skirt. Looking closely, though, you can indeed see the telltale typical panty-load bulge in her skirt. “What is it with you?” she asks again, this time more directly at her Biology teacher, “I told you I had an emergency -- I told you I was going to have an accident if you didn’t let me go!”

What is it with YOU, Lilly?” the pretty but strict Biology teacher fires right back, “How about doing your homework sometimes? -- How about paying attention in class once in a while?” “You’re a bright girl, Lilly,” she tells the underachieving sophomore, “If you took your academics as seriously as you take your social life, you could actually be on the honor roll.” Lilly, though, wonders what that has to do with having to go to the bathroom during class. “When a girl’s gotta go, a girl’s gotta go,” Lilly argues, “I can’t just hold it in forever, you know.” “When I have to go, I need to go,” she reiterates, “And this is what happens when you don’t let a girl go when she needs to.” Lilly, once again, is obviously referencing the load in her panties. But her larger point, of course, is that she doesn’t see what one thing -- that is, how she’s doing in class -- has to do with having to go to the bathroom.

Miss Robinson, though, takes a different view. She reminds us all that it’s strictly at teachers’ discretion whether to let students go to the girls’ room during class time. “You know my policy, young lady -- you’ve been warned about it several times before,” Miss Robinson tells the sophomore beauty, “You know my rules about getting a girls’ room pass during class.” “If you don’t do your homework, you can forget about getting any privileges in my class, young lady,” she lectures Lilly, “We had this exact same conversation the last time you messed your pants in my class and the rules haven’t changed since.” “Oh -- going to the bathroom is a privilege?” Lilly asks sarcastically. “It is in my class, young lady,” Miss Robinson answers immediately, “And if you want to go during my class you had best start doing your homework and paying attention in class.” “If you don’t at least do that, Lilly,” she sternly warns the sophomore beauty, “You’d best take care of your bodily functions on your own time.” With that Lilly just yells out in frustration -- a sort of half-scream / half groan that’s quite difficult to describe. Either way, it’s annoying to listen to and I warn her not to do it again.

As noted, this is Lilly’s 3rd panty-soiling violation of the school year and the 2nd that’s occurred in Science class. What I find a bit unusual, though, is that Lilly had no accident violations at all her freshman year. The only such incident she did have last year was once wetting her pants while serving a toilet suspension for twice not turning in a punishment writing assignment on time. And that was for leaving class without permission to go to the girls’ room. Most girls, not surprisingly, have fewer accidents as they get older but with Lilly it seems to be the opposite. Naturally, I ask her about that. Once again, she blames it on Miss Robinson. “It’s not my fault,” Lilly reiterates, “It’s not my fault that Miss Robinson wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom when I needed to.” “I’m not one of those girls that try to hold it in when I have to go,” she explains, “When I have to go to the bathroom, I go to the bathroom -- or at least I TRY TO.”

That last comment, said with particular emphasis and directly squarely at her Science Teacher. That draws a warning from me. “We don‘t need anymore of your tone and attitude to either Miss Robinson or this committee,” I warn her. “Consider this to be your final warning, young lady,” I explain, “Next time you‘re going to find yourself with 500 lines to write and it could very well be on the blackboard.” Writing 500 lines on paper is no picnic but writing lines on the blackboard is, of course, a lot harder. Neither choice is a pleasant prospect for Lilly and a sudden adjustment in her attitude is more than evident.

“I’m sorry about that,” she says, in a decidedly calmer tone “But it’s so frustrating not to be able to go to the bathroom when I really need to.” “It’s just so frustrating, sir,” she continues, “When I have to keep getting punished for accident when their not really my fault. Her comment raises a few eyebrows on the committee. “O.K. -- the accident I had in gym class was kind of my fault,” Lilly acknowledges, “But not these 2 that I had in Miss Robinson‘s class.” “Like I said, I’m not one of those girls who try to hold it in when they need to go,” she reiterates, “I WANTED to go to the girls’ room and do it there.” “I mean, it’s not like I really want to do it in the school bathrooms,” she then clarifies, “But it’s just that I’d rather go do it in the girls’ room than end up with it in my pants.” “Nothing is worse than this,” she adds, as she tugs on her skirt, indicating a reference to the mess in her panties. Lilly, as noted, is a lot smarter than her grades would seem to indicate. She rather wisely -- albeit uncharacteristically -- decides not to rant further and risk getting herself a more severe punishment.

Moving on to Lilly’s punishment for the panty-soiling -- as noted her 3rd of the school year -- she’s no doubt a very frustrating student and it’s certainly tempting to be at least a little more severe with her. But surprisingly, Lilly’s only other offense is for “Loitering in the Girls’ Room” and the mess itself this time doesn’t seem all that bad. Lilly explains that she did manage to hold at least some of it in and, racing to the girls’ room after class, managed to do the rest in the toilet. I’m also impressed that she didn’t, for either of her soilings in Biology teacher, defy her teacher and go to the girls’ room without permission. She made that mistake last year and has apparently learned her lesson. Accordingly, I decide to impose only the standard punishment for a 3rd panty-soiling offense. Specifically, Lilly will have to serve 3 days detention and write, “I will not soil my panties in school again” 300 times.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Toilet Violations Punishment Committee

Our next case is that of Carly -- a sweet and likable senior brunette. She is charged by another student -- specifically, a pretty senior blonde named Stephanie -- with “Using Too Much Toilet Paper.” I have to say that I’m a bit surprised to get a case like this and Carly -- perennially a cheerful sort -- seems a bit annoyed to be charged with this. Apparently, this all happened in the Science Wing Girls’ Room during 7th period earlier today. Stephanie (or “Stevie” for short) was in there the whole period (as study hall for her) serving toilet sitting punishment for improperly squatting over the toilet. Carly, with a pass from her 7th period Physics Teacher, apparently had some business of her own to take care of in the girls’ room that period. Reading the Violation Report filed by “Stevie” in this case, it was while Carly was on the toilet itself taking care of said business that Stevie alleges the pretty brunette used way more toilet paper than should have been necessary. This is the same Stevie that was before the TVPC at our Feb. 12, 2020 session for being late to class for bathroom purposes.

Carly, not surprisingly, is vehemently denying the charge and seems eager to defend herself. But before we even get to all that, I must be sure that her classmate has even charged Carly correctly. As faithful readers of the TVPC surely know, TVPC rules make a distinction between a girl who simply uses too much toilet paper and a girl who outright wastes it. “Wasting Toilet Paper” (that is, using it for something other than it’s intended purpose) is the more serious violation but ironically enough ‘Using Too Much Toilet Paper” is the harder charge to prove. I must check with Stevie to make sure that “Using Too Much Toilet Paper” (that is, using it for wiping oneself but using more than is necessary) is indeed the correct charge.

“Well, it’s hard to know for sure what Carly was doing with all that toilet paper in there,” Stevie answers me, “All I can say from sitting in the stall next to her was that she kept rolling off strand after strand of toilet paper.” “I don’t know for sure if she was actually wasting it or not,” the articulate senior blonde explains, “I don’t really know what she was doing with it.” “I just know what I heard,” Stevie continues, “And that was Carly just rolling an unbelievable amount of toilet paper off the roll .” Pausing for a moment to ponder the issue, Stevie then explains further, “I guess I’ve got no reason to believe that Carly wasn’t actually using it to wipe herself.” “But there’s just no way that a girl really needs that much toilet paper just to wipe herself after a normal bowel movement,” she adds, “Unless she was cleaning herself after a mess in her panties or something, there’s no reason she needed to use so much.” That notion raises more than a few eyebrows in the committee room.

Turning now to Carly, the articulate brunette vehemently denies that she messed in her panties. And she just as vehemently argues that she did indeed need all that toilet paper to wipe herself. I ask her for the record if it was, in fact, a bowel movement that she did in there, and Carly confirms that it was. “A bowel movement in the toilet,” the pretty honor student is quick to add. Considering all the evidence so far, I note that Stevie seems to have the charge correct. As long as Carly did use all that toilet paper to wipe herself -- even if it was more than she actually needed -- she can only be guilty of “Using Too Much Toilet Paper” and not the more serious violating of “Wasting Toilet Paper.” Carly, of course, denies even that she used too much of it.

“This is just ridiculous,” she tells us, “I had to go so I went to the girls’ room and used the toilet like I was supposed to.” “This is completely ridiculous,” she reiterates, this time turning to Stevie in the process, “What do you expect me to do? -- Not wipe myself after I go?” “I expect you to leave some toilet paper for the rest of us,” Stevie then quickly answers back. “That’s not your own private bathroom, you know?” she tells Carly, “I mean, the rest of us need to wipe ourselves, too.” “I’m sick of being stuck on the toilet with no toilet paper left,” Stevie continues, raising her voice in a anger a bit, “I’m sick of getting stuff in my panties because I’ve got nothing to wipe myself with.” Stevie does have an accident violation on her record this year because she had to go without wiping herself and her panties got considerable soiled from that. And her most recent TVPC appearance -- back on February 12th when she was punished for being late to class -- she was stuck in the stall with no toilet paper and needed to wait to go into a different stall to wipe herself. “How much toilet paper can a girl possibly need to simply wipe herself?” She asks Carly sarcastically.

“I need as much as it takes,” Carly then fires right back, “Maybe you don’t mind skidmarks in your panties but I certainly don’t want them in mine.” Carly’s close friend Sam (well, Samantha, actually) starts to argue on her friend’s behalf but I quickly put a stop to that. “How do you know how much I need to wipe myself,” Carly then asks Stevie, “Sometimes, it takes more than other times to get yourself clean, you know.” “It shouldn’t take you that much -- not as much as you used,” Stevie answers her, “Not just to wipe yourself after a regular bowel movement.” “Unless you were cleaning up after a mess in your panties, it definitely wouldn’t take that much toilet paper,” she accuses, “And even with a mess in your panties, I’m not sure it would even take that much.”

“I did NOT mess in my panties!” Carly screams back at the further suggestion of that. “I didn’t mess in my panties -- I went in the toilet like I’m supposed to,” she then reiterates, “And when I was done I wiped myself!” “I wiped myself with as much toilet paper as I needed,” she argues -- in a bit of an uncharacteristic angry tone, “I didn’t waste it -- I didn’t use too much -- I used what I needed to get the job done.”

Immediately, I put up my hand to stop her. I put up my hand to stop both of them. The sniping between Carly and Stevie isn’t getting us anywhere. Checking with Carly, she does admit that she did use a lot of toilet paper. But the pretty and articulate honor student vehemently insists that all of it was necessary to properly wipe herself. “It was a soft, messy bowel movement, sir,” Carly tells me, “It simply took quite a lot of toilet paper to clean myself.” “I really don’t know what else to say, sir,” she adds, calming down to her more characteristic demeanor.

Accordingly, this is a tough case to decide. I don’t doubt that Stevie is sincere. I don’t doubt that she heard Carly using a whole lot of toilet paper and is rightly concerned about that. But “Using Too Much Toilet Paper” is a difficult charge to prove. Sometimes a girl does need to use more than other times and there’s no set formula for determining how much a girl legitimately needs. As strict as the TVPC surely is, we do give girls a lot of leeway in how much toilet paper they use in wiping themselves after a bowel movement. We obviously don’t want girls to have soiled panties from not wiping themselves properly any more than we want it from doing actual bowel movements in their panties. Accordingly, I have to find Carly “Not Guilty” of this charge.

“I’m kind of thinking that you could have gotten by with using a little less, young lady,” I tell Carly, “Messy bowel movement or not, you obviously did use a whole lot of toilet paper.” “And I certainly don’t fault Stevie for bringing this charge against you,” I continue, also directing my comments toward Stevie, “She certainly had a legitimate reason to be concerned hearing all that toilet paper coming off the roll in your stall.” “But we certainly don’t want to discourage you from wiping yourself properly,” I explain, “And it’s really hard to say with any certainty that your toilet paper usage was excessive.” “Accordingly, young lady, we’re finding you ’Not Guilty’ of the charge,” I tell Carly and note for the record, “Try to be careful with how much you use in the future, but, as for now, you’re not guilty.” Sam then sticks her tongue out at Stevie and that draws a stern admonishment from me. Sam, wisely, takes it no further.

As I call our next case and read the applicable Violation Report, it’s hard not to contain my anger. This is the 2nd time in less than a week that Fergie, a pretty and fashion-conscious junior, has been before the TVPC. As the self-absorbed beauty takes the podium, the red wristband on the normally fashionable girl’s wrist seems to stick out like a sore thumb. The red wristband, of course, is emblematic of a girl on toilet suspension -- such is the girl’s punishment for smoking in the girls’ room last Wednesday. Today, during 6th period, Miss Bliss caught her coming out of the 2nd Floor Girls’ Room. That, obviously, is a violation of her toilet suspension. As I noted, it’s hard to contain my anger in this case.

“This is outrageous, young lady,” I tell her, “Do you not understand that a toilet suspension means that you’re toilet privileges are SUSPENDED?” I angrily ask her. Fergie just stands there stone-faced. She’s not a particularly good student but she’s certainly smart enough to know how much trouble she’s in. “Answer me, young lady,” I admonish her, “Did you not know that you were suspended from using any school bathroom for any reason for two weeks?” Fergie then admits that she did indeed know that. She apparently knows that lying now is only going to make her punishment worse.

“Well, it WAS two weeks without your toilet privileges,” I then clarify, “Now it’s going to be considerably longer on toilet suspension for you.” The junior beauty lets out an audible groan at hearing that. “Really?” I then ask her, “Did you really not know that using the girls’ room on toilet suspension was going to make your toilet suspension longer?” “I guess I just wasn’t thinking about that, sir?” she answers me, “I guess all I was thinking about at the time was how bad I had to go to the bathroom.” “I just didn’t want to go in my pants, sir -- not #2,” she tries to explain, breaking down in tears in the process, “I just didn’t want to mess in my panties.” “Well, going in your pants is oftentimes what happens when you’re on toilet suspension,” I remind her, “And sometimes that includes, as you say, #2.” “That’s why most girls don’t smoke in the girls’ room,” I lecture her, “They know that when they do, they’re risking their toilet privileges and they understand that it’s just not worth it.” “Yes, sir,” Fergie says again, “I guess I just wasn’t thinking about that, either.” “Well, there’s a lot of things you weren’t thinking of, young lady,” I lecture her some more, “And unfortunately for you, there are some consequences for that.

Mrs. Adler, a TVPC committeewoman, notes that the girl referred to going in her pants -- for #2 -- AGAIN. “It happened yesterday,” Fergie tells us, “I had been holding it in all afternoon at school and I almost made it home,” she explains, “But no sooner did I get out of school but I just couldn’t hold it anymore.” “It all just came out in my panties,” she explains further, “It was all soft and sticky and it made a big mess.” “It was awful,” she adds, “And I had to walk home like that and then I had to clean up the mess.” “GOOD!” Mrs. Adler tells her unsympathetically, “That’s what happens when you’re on toilet suspension.” “Like Mr. Ziffel said, that’s why you don’t smoke in the girls’ room,” she angrily tells the girl, “If you don’t want to lose your toilet privileges and have to go in your pants, then you don’t smoke in the girls’ room.”

Getting more to the facts of this particular violation, I ask her, “And you needed to do a bowel movement here at school again today?” “Yes, sir,” she tells me, “Only this time I pretty much had to do go from when I first got to school this morning.” “By 2nd period, I was already fighting it pretty bad,” she explains, “And by 6th period, I was completely beyond desperation.” “I knew there was no way that I was going to be able to hold it in much longer -- I knew I was about to have another mess in my panties,” she continues, “Only this time it was going to happen right here in school instead of on my way home.” “Yesterday was bad enough, sir -- but this time it was going to happen right here in school,” she reiterates, “And then I was going to have to go through my last two classes with a mess in my panties.” “I just couldn’t stand that, sir,” she tells me, “I just couldn’t stand the fact that I was going to be messing in my panties right here at school.”

“So you decided to sneak into the girls’ room up here on the second floor?” I ask her. “Yes, sir,” she answers meekly, knowing, of course, how much trouble she is in. Fergie
tells us that she has study hall 6th period and that she asked for and got a pass to the library. “And you went to the girls’ room instead of the library?” I ask her. “Well, I did go to the library -- that’s where I spent most of the period,” she answers, “It’s just that I stopped off in the girls’ room on my way to the library.” “But the reason you asked for the pass was to go to the girls’ room?” Mrs. Karbopple, a TVPC member, asks her, “It wasn’t your work in the library that was so urgent, it was your bowel movement that was, correct?” “Yes, Ma’am,” the junior beauty reluctantly admits. “I was thinking about sneaking into the faculty bathroom in the library but I was worried I could get into even worse trouble for that,” she tells us, “And when I saw that no one was around the 2nd Floor Girls’ Room, I figured I could go in and get out without getting caught.”

“But get caught you did, didn’t you?” Mrs. Adler asks her, in a bit of a taunt, Miss Bliss caught you right in the act coming out of the bathroom, didn’t she?” “Yes, ma’am -- she did,” Fergie admits. “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I just couldn’t stand the idea of going in my pants, again,” she tells the committeewoman, “I just couldn’t stand the thought of having that awful mess in my panties again.” “It’s one thing when we have to pee our pants -- I mean, that’s awful, too,” the tall, well-endowed beauty says, now starting to cry, “But that’s nothing compared to making us have to mess in them -- It’s just cruel to make us do that in our panties, too.” But myself and the other members of the TVPC remain unsympathetic. “Good!” Mrs. Adler tells her -- even more tauntingly than before, “That’s what you get when you smoke in the girls’ room.” “You knew you were risking a toilet suspension when you did it but you did it anyway,” I then tell her, “Apparently your privilege to use school bathrooms wasn’t as important to you as smoking that cigarette.”

“And now you’ve made it even worse by violating that toilet suspension,” I lecture her, shaking my head, “And the punishment for violating a toilet suspension is most serious indeed.” In tears, Fergie begs me to at least spare her a longer time on toilet suspension. “Please not that -- Anything but that, sir,” she begs me, “Please, sir -- I’ll do anything but please don’t make me do any more time on toilet suspension.” But again, myself and the other members of the TVPC are left shaking our heads. “You brought this on yourself, young lady,” Mrs. Adler tells her, “So obviously you’re getting no sympathy from me.” The committeewoman argues that Fergie should receive the maximum punishment -- that being an entire month added to her toilet suspension. Mrs. Crabtree, on the other hand, argues that the mandatory minimum of 2 additional weeks on toilet suspension is sufficient. After careful consideration -- and a good bit of desperate pleading from Fergie -- the TVPC settles on a 3 week extension of the girl’s toilet suspension. “That’ll be 3 additional weeks without your toilet privileges,” I tell her and note for the record, “And you’ll also have to serve another week of detention.” Further, she is sentenced to write, “I will not use the girls’ room or otherwise violate my toilet suspension again” 1,000 times. She lets out another audible groan at hearing that. She tells us that she still hasn’t finished the 1,000 times she got for smoking in the girls’ room. “Well, that’s due tomorrow,” I remind her, “So I suggest you get going on that.” Mrs. Karbopple also reminds the girl that the 1,000 times writing assignment is the mandatory minimum for girls violating a toilet suspension. “Consider yourself lucky we didn’t give you 2,000 times,” she tells Fergie. “And it WILL BE 2,000 times if you violate your toilet suspension again,” I warn her, “And a minimum of 6 additional weeks on toilet suspension, too.” Fergie obviously has no reason to stop crying now.

So concludes another session of the Toilet Violations Punishment Committee. Meeting adjourned at 4:18 PM.

[Arnold Ziffel]

Heidi's Punishment Essay

NAME: Heidi

TVPC Punishment Essay

Offense: Clogging the Toilet

Offense Date:2/23/20

Length: 1,000 Words

Due Date: 3/3/20


With this essay I am apologizing for my actions at Capeside High School on the evening of February 23, 2020. I was there that night for a girls’ basketball game between my school and Capeside High School. While I was there I used one of the toilets in the visiting team’s locker room. I used the toilet for a bowel movement and I, of course, wiped myself thoroughly after I did. And, unfortunately, in doing so, I clogged the toilet there. I am very sorry for clogging the toilet and I’m writing this essay to apologize for that.

I am particularly sorry for clogging the toilet because I did so while I was representing my school as a member of the girls’ basketball team. I understand that I should be careful and not clog toilets no matter what the circumstances. But I also understand that that’s particularly important while I’m representing my school as a member of the basketball team or any time that I’m representing my school. I understand that when I commit a toilet violation -- like clogging the toilet -- while representing my school that it reflects unfavorably not only upon myself but on my team and even my whole school. When I’m representing my school as a member of the basketball team or anything else, I have an obligation to be on my best behavior and that goes for my toilet habits at the game as well as everything else. When I use the toilet I need to use it properly and I need to be careful not to clog the toilet or do anything else improper with my toilet habits. I am very sorry for clogging the toilet at Capeside High School and I promise to be more careful in the future so it will never happen again.

Like I said before, I needed to use the toilet while I was there. I needed to have a bowel movement and I did that in one of the toilets in the visitor’s locker room. When it came time to wipe myself, though, I didn’t want to wipe with the toilet paper that was there. I have never seen pre-cut squares of toilet paper like that before. I had only ever used toilet paper that came off rolls before. I know now that that’s not an excuse for not using it -- it was the toilet paper that was provided in the stall and it was the toilet paper that I should have used. But at the time, I just didn’t feel comfortable using it. Like I said, I had never used or even seen toilet paper like that before.

I didn’t want to use those little sheets, but having had a bowel movement, I obviously needed to wipe myself. I had actually done a pretty large and very messy bowel movement and I knew my behind was going to need a lot of wiping. I saw that there were paper towels over by the sinks. The paper towels, obviously, were there to dry our hands, but I thought that they would be good to wipe with as well. I know now that paper towels should not be used as toilet paper but I really wasn’t thinking about that then. I guess I should have know that paper towels shouldn’t be used as toilet paper but I really didn’t think it would be that big a deal. They seemed more like the kind of rolled toilet paper that I was used to using than the actual toilet paper they had in the stalls. So I used the paper towels to wipe myself and I, of course, put them in the toilet afterwards. And I guess I did use a lot of them. Then when I was done wiping myself, I pulled up my panties and pants and I flushed the toilet. The problem, though, was that when I tried to flush the toilet, the toilet got clogged instead. The toilet got clogged with a combination of my bowel movement and all those paper towels that I had used as toilet paper.

I am very sorry for clogging the toilet. Though I did not clog the toilet intentionally, I am still responsible for what I did. And what I did set a poor example for not only myself but my team and my whole school. It is my fault for clogging the toilet. I should have not used paper towels to wipe myself. Paper towels are for drying our hands. They are not for wiping ourselves. They are supposed to be thrown in the garbage after drying our hands. They are not designed to be flushed down the toilet. If I had just used the toilet paper provided -- which obviously is designed to be flushed down the toilet, the toilet might not have gotten clogged. I hadn’t realized that paper towels were so different and shouldn’t be flushed down the toilet but that’s no excuse. I obviously did know the difference between toilet paper and paper towels and what each was supposed to be used for. But I wiped with paper towels instead. So clogging the toilet was obviously my own fault and for that I obviously deserved the punishment I got -- a 200 times repetitive writing assignment and this 1,000 word apology essay.

But even not knowing that paper towels were heavier and a problem to flush down the toilet, I still should have known to be more careful. Even toilet paper can clog the toilet if you try to flush too much of it at once. Even using the paper towels as I did, I still could have avoiding clogging the toilet if I hadn’t been so careless as to flush so many of them at once. The combination of all those paper towels along with my big bowel movement was just too much for that poor toilet to handle. If I had just flushed my bowel movement first before I started wiping myself or even flushed some of the paper first before I flushed the rest, the toilet might not have clogged. It’s entirely my fault that I didn’t do that and that’s how the toilet got clogged.

I am very sorry for clogging the toilet in the visiting team locker room at Capeside High School on February 23, 2020.

[spandexman]

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