My Bladder Knows I'm Home....(comment on the "keyhole" syndrome)

[J_R]

I happened across this piece in the archives of a mainstream discussion board and thought some of us could relate.....



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Arriving home yesterday evening, as I usually do, I felt the sudden urge to pee. What luck, I thought. Andhere I am just yards away from the back door. Suddenly it occurs to me: my bladder knows I'm home!

I doubly my pace to the door and fumble through my coat pocket for my keys.

There are no keys in my coat pocket.

Me: Bladder - please ignore the information sent by Brain. Hands are unable to locate my keys and it will be a few more minutes before you will be able to void yourself.

Bladder: I'm sorry, but vision central is still reporting that we are standing rigth outside the back door. Intelligence reports from yesterday that it took less than 30 seconds to get from back door to bathroom.

Me: But I can't find the keys.

Bladder: Not my problem. Starting countdown to elimination: 10... 9... 8...

Me: How about if I tie the evacuation route into a knot, forcing a catastrophic backup? That makes it your problem.

Penis: Wha...?

Bladder: I've checked with Brain about this, and we think you're bluffing.

Hand: reaches into pants...

Bladder: Okay okay! I'll give you another 60 seconds. But that's it.

Encrypted transmission to Penis: Sorry to scare you like that, but it was necessary. I'll make it up to you later tonight.

Penis: Whew.

Me: Hands, how's it going with the search for keys?

Hands: Well they're not in your pocket, where else did you want us to check?

Me: Everywhere! We've only got 60 seconds before Bladder starts his countdown again. Hurry!

Hands: Roger will-co.

Bladder: How's it going up there? 45 seconds left!

Me: Stop distracting me. And turn off that music. I can't concentrate.

Legs: Let's go slightly crossed and start dancing. That always helps.

Me: No it doesn't help. It just makes me look foolish.

Brain: Hands are reporting they've found the keys in your shoulder bag. We should be all set now.

Bladder: I heard that. Resuming countdown. 10... 9... 8...

Vision Central: The back door key isn't on this ring. Hands picked up the wrong keyring this morning.

Hands: Vision Central didn't have a problem with that this morning.

Vision Central: It was dark.

Hands: Was not.

Vision Central: Was too.

Brain: ENOUGH! What keys are on this ring?

Vision Central: Front door and mailbox.

Brain: Legs: To the front door, on the double!

Bladder: Or the mailbox.

Me: Don't even think about it. The mailman hates me enough as it is.

Legs: Approaching front door, ETA 12 seconds.

Hands: Wait! We've dropped the shoulder bag!

Brain: LEAVE HIM LEAVE HIM!

Hands: Front door in rage, keys inserted, lock released.

Brain: Hands, start working on the pants. There's a button and a zipper that needs to be disabled before we reach the evacuation point. Can you handle that?

Hands: No sweat, done it a million times.

Legs: We're in! ETA to bathroom: 5 seconds.

Vision Central: Watch out for the cat!

Cat: Meow!

Vision Central: Target in range.

Penis: Do we have a lock on the target yet? Last time I let go without target acquisition, Hands and Knees were busy cleaning for a half hour afterward.

Brain: Okay target has been acquired. FIRE!

Mouth: OOOOOOOOOOOaaaaaaaahhh!

Me: Whew, that was a close call. How long is this going to take?

Bladder: At least 12 more seconds. I'm pretty full.

Me: OK. Anyway Hands and Knees probably should get busy later, this place is a dump.

Colon Control: Did somebody say "dump"? Starting countdown: 10... 9... 8...

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Nikki]

I love it! lolz

[andreww9933]

Not much on male desperation, but I have to admit that was some funny stuff man. Good job

[Wet Trousers]

Me: Heee, heee, heee, heee...

Bladdder: Ooooh, I'm full.

Penis: (Wakes up and stretches) I haven't done anything in a while.

Legs: Oi brain, get in gear and send me in the direction of the toilet or I'm going to get a golden shower!

[suprima]

Familiar but I don't always make it without wetting

I loved this sequence..a very familiar feeling for me, but often I don't quite make it in time because I suffer from 'urgency' wetting. After some embarrassing public accidents, I visited my doctor who suggested I try some 'bladder training'. This would involve me trying to last out for increasingly long periods before using the toilet. He suggested if I was worried about accidental wetting I might like to try wearing plastic pants over my regular cotton briefs. I must admit I have always been excited by plastic pants and this was a wonderful excuse to get some. So without delay, I ordered some incontinence briefs in a beautiful soft transparent blue pvc. When they arrived, I was so excited to handle them I couldn't wait to strip off and try them on over my bare skin. The feeling of the warm soft plastic was so incredibly arousing I almost forgot the original purpose of getting them! Later that day, I went out wearing the plastic pants over my regular briefs. After about an hour, the feeling of 'urgency' started, but in accordance with the doctor's instructions, I attempted to 'hang on' for as long as I could. The feeling of desperation became so intense and arousing that I had sit down on a park bench and savour my imminent surrender to the feelings. Soon I had to let go and spurt after spurt of pee flooded into my briefs. Fortunately, the plastic pants seemed pretty leakproof and I made it home without any tell-tale patches. I intend to carry out the doctor's orders every day, trying to 'hang on' for a longer time each day. No doubt the feelings of desperation will get more intense, but the bonus is the wonderful feeling it gives me.