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**KingPlant** · November 4, 2011, 10:01 PM

I am 57 and I have been into exactly the same thing as you are since I was six years old. When I was younger I could get turned on by almost anything but as I have got older I have found that I only enjoy a real good session if it involves pee.

Luckily, two years ago I met someone who is just as into wetting as I am and gets turned on just like I do. I just think as you get older it takes a little of what you love to turn you on.

**thegrid** · November 4, 2011, 11:26 PM

you are right

i broke up with my gf about 2 years ago. Although i had to persuade her into adopting the fetish, she seemed to get along well and started enjoying it later on. Sex was a zillion times better with her than my current gf who doesnt like the idea of wetting. I am still working on it though.

The bottom line is : try to find a girl who is comfortable with experimenting. Or you may be left unsatisfied.

**quietpr11** · November 4, 2011, 11:38 PM

A fetish is only a problem if you believe it is. That is the common therapeutic advise offered by psychologists these days. The question is...what are you really looking for in life? Are you just after the next really good screw, or do you want to meet someone and fall in love and have an actual life together? And the follow-up question is...do you need the woman in your life to love what you love 100% from the get-go or can you afford to work on your relationships a little and try to get her excited about it by showing her how easy it is to get you aroused and make you happy doing that one little thing?

I think problems like these can be solved by avoiding the trap of assuming that the sex has to come before the relationship can work. I don't think most women are as disposed to trying new things (like this fetish) that are a little "out there" by mainstream consensus when they are not emotionally committed to a relationship. I have significant personal experience in this area, because I asked similar questions to the one you just asked not so long ago...and then I actually got into a long-term relationship not based on sex (we are waiting until we are at least engaged to go that far).

I used to believe that, in order to understand me on a deeper level...in order to really love me...any woman would have to not only know about my peeing interest, but be into it herself (without my having to intervene). I found that I had it backwards, though. This was a VERY difficult thing for me to bring up with her at all - I invested a lot of emotional energy (a big piece of my soul) in her and I was mortally terrified that she would hate me if she knew. I think that is why someone with a fetish can't enjoy the other parts of sex...because they come to equate their fetish with a deep personal understanding...in order to love you, they must like what you like and feel the same psychological impulses that you feel. That just isn't the case.

When I first started dating my current gf, I broached the subject of pee as a part of sex indirectly a few times to test the waters and each time, she (taking it as a joke entirely) reacted by saying something like "eeeww!" Perfunctory and discouraging though those comments were, I loved her and I didn't want to give up on a relationship based on my fetish. When she actually managed to get it out of me, her reactions changed in a BIG way. And now SHE is the one who is first suggesting possible ways that she could enjoy incorporating pee into sex and setting reasonable limits. As soon as she knew that I got hard at the mere thought of watersports, she was as excited as I ever was...and my interest in many other aspects of sex dramatically increased.

In short...don't look for a fetishist who shares your precise passions, assuming that that will make it easier to be in love...look for a woman to love, take it slowly, and tell her about it when she is committed enough to be ready to hear it, and you will have a much better chance of feeling accepted and loved, and you interest in being sexual with her in your ways (and in hers) will increase. If you let your fetish convince you that your sexual differences define you...then they WILL define you...and you will never truly be happy.

**Mr Jameson** · November 4, 2011, 11:51 PM

Thanks for your replies.

I'm not looking to find a partner who is into the fetish. As I said, that would probably be a turn off for me as I'd know they were doing it intentionally. I'm more into genuine accidents/desperation.

I'm not concerned that it would get in the way of a long-term relationship. It wouldn't (as long as I remembered to delete my internet history!). I'm concerned purely on a sexual level. As in how much it affects my ability to enjoy regular sex.

Does that make sense?

**KingPlant** · November 4, 2011, 11:59 PM

Originally posted by Mr Jameson

Thanks for your replies.

I'm not looking to find a partner who is into the fetish. As I said, that would probably be a turn off for me as I'd know they were doing it intentionally. I'm more into genuine accidents/desperation.

I'm not concerned that it would get in the way of a long-term relationship. It wouldn't (as long as I remembered to delete my internet history!). I'm concerned purely on a sexual level. As in how much it affects my ability to enjoy regular sex.

Does that make sense?

It makes perfect sense to me. If you like genuine desperation then the person you are with should not know otherwise their actions will differ because of their knowledge.

**quietpr11** · November 5, 2011, 12:32 AM

Originally posted by Mr Jameson

Thanks for your replies.

I'm not looking to find a partner who is into the fetish. As I said, that would probably be a turn off for me as I'd know they were doing it intentionally. I'm more into genuine accidents/desperation.

I'm not concerned that it would get in the way of a long-term relationship. It wouldn't (as long as I remembered to delete my internet history!). I'm concerned purely on a sexual level. As in how much it affects my ability to enjoy regular sex.

Does that make sense?

Ah...that's a bit of a different matter...my apologies for not quite understanding the root of your dilemma. I misunderstood you rather gravely it seems.

Let me ask you this? Why do you suppose you like pure desperation and accidents? What are you thinking about when you see something like that?

I ask because I still believe that the solution to problems like these always lies in understanding the nature and sources of the problem. Usually, when someone loses the ability to be interested in sexually in anything but a few or even just one narrow pathway to arousal, there's a reason that is so. I've talked to people with this group of fetishes who traveled many paths - some getting less particular as they age and some getting more particular. Usually the ones who get more particular do so because they are getting something very specific that they need psychologically from that one specific thing. So what do you need? Why desperation? (I'm not judging here...I am just as aroused by desperation and accidental wetting as you are...I just believe in understanding oneself fully as the best path to accepting and being comfortable with a fetish).

**Mr Jameson** · November 5, 2011, 01:00 AM

Originally posted by quietpr11

Ah...that's a bit of a different matter...my apologies for not quite understanding the root of your dilemma. I misunderstood you rather gravely it seems.

Let me ask you this? Why do you suppose you like pure desperation and accidents? What are you thinking about when you see something like that?

I ask because I still believe that the solution to problems like these always lies in understanding the nature and sources of the problem. Usually, when someone loses the ability to be interested in sexually in anything but a few or even just one narrow pathway to arousal, there's a reason that is so. I've talked to people with this group of fetishes who traveled many paths - some getting less particular as they age and some getting more particular. Usually the ones who get more particular do so because they are getting something very specific that they need psychologically from that one specific thing. So what do you need? Why desperation? (I'm not judging here...I am just as aroused by desperation and accidental wetting as you are...I just believe in understanding oneself fully as the best path to accepting and being comfortable with a fetish).

To be honest, I've never thought about it or analysed it all that deeply. The only thing that really made me wonder was when I was in a long term relationship with a girl (5 years). It occurred to me after a couple of years that I wouldn't have been turned on by her being desperate, that I'd just want to help her out. I wouldn't want to see her humiliated or embarassed.

It's almost like sexuality (and by association wetting/desperation) and genuine love/care/affection are quite separate in my mind. So maybe it's like a control or power thing? Perhaps I like the vulnerability caused by the embarassment and loss of power? I am fairly dominating sexually, so that could be connected?

I suppose it's the same as people becoming desensitized to sex because of porn. Does that actually happen, or is it an urban myth?

This is all getting very deep, I'm truly sorry if I'm ruining anyone's wank.

**quietpr11** · November 5, 2011, 01:49 AM

Your title says it all...this is a serious question and it has every right to be asked and discussed. I doubt it disturbs anyone's wank that such a discussion exists...at least you labeled it correctly. :\

I do think the internet porn culture (again...not trying to disparage here...I'm in this community for a reason) has the potential to cause someone to separate their sexual desires from their emotional/social desires the way that you describe. Not the porn itself...that can change our perception of what's acceptable, erotic or even physically possible when it comes to sex (with good and bad consequences), but not how we perceive sex and relationships. BUT...I think that we are introduced to our sexuality in a different (and potentially less productive) order now that we have the web and all of its' sexual discussion and imagery.

It used to be that we learned what we liked through experience attached to some critically important sexual or romantic experience. These days, however, most kids, as they become men, start googling around the internet to see what's out there (especially the boys...I find that most young women still don't find it necessary to seek our porn and that their sexual fantasies come from within, not from without...at least more often than not). So...rather than perceiving sex as a crucial part of how romantic coupling works and why it's so fulfilling and life-changing, we start seeing it as a need completely separate from our social needs. We start masturbating in secret and then pursuing relationships as though we never did any of this learning on our own. The sexual discussion volume is dialed up to 11 on the internet...and we're told to figure out what we want sexually without even considering what we want emotionally or in a partner.

I think that is doing more harm than good. There's nothing wrong with the content being available, but I think we would all be better served to focus on understanding how our sexual desires are linked to our emotional needs, and then pursue relationships that fit those emotional needs...rather than treating sex as some purely physical need that can be fulfilled in the absence of an emotional motivation.

I think you said it well yourself when you mentioned that you thought you wanted to see a woman vulnerable and to have some measure of control. What you need, then, is a woman who has a need for being controlled. And there are plenty out there. And that kind of relationship can be extremely rewarding as long as you keep in mind that it's not about controlling them by force...it's about earning their respect and their trust and then enjoying the reward when they submit to your control. The submissive person always has the power in healthy dom/sub relationships. And both the dom and the sub are usually happier knowing that.

I think you will find that if you are truly motivated by a desire to see women vulnerable, you can get that in ways other than through just desperation and accidental wetting, though I'm sure that will always be the first thing you imagine. Believe me...I know how it is to be interested in pee before you even know what sex is. I was just a kid when I realized how excited I got at the prospect of seeing a girl pee outside or wet herself etc, though I didn't realize it might become sexual excitement at the time. But I think that we all need to stop and think about why we love the kinds of imagery and situations that we love. I don't think true contentment is possible without some level of self-awareness.

I don't think separating love and sexual desire in the way you describe is inherently an ideal state to be. That duality is the source of your concern, IMHO, not the existence of a desperation fetish.

**Omo Rashi** · November 5, 2011, 02:00 AM

Originally posted by Mr Jameson

Thanks for your replies.

I'm not looking to find a partner who is into the fetish. As I said, that would probably be a turn off for me as I'd know they were doing it intentionally. I'm more into genuine accidents/desperation.

I'm not concerned that it would get in the way of a long-term relationship. It wouldn't (as long as I remembered to delete my internet history!). I'm concerned purely on a sexual level. As in how much it affects my ability to enjoy regular sex.

Does that make sense?

You need genuine accidents/desperation, hence you can't be satisfied by the same woman all the time. Repeated accidents would happen to a woman only if she had the physical problem of being unable to hold it, a defect which - I guess - would not turn you on. Otherwise she would build up to her accidents intentionally, and then it would not be what you need.

Real (public) accidents are rare but do happen. They happen out of the blue, so you can never be sure as to when you will watch one (even if you seek places and occasions where it seems more likely than usual). Given that intentional accidents are not what you need and real accidents happen most irregularly (if at all in the places where you happen to be), you will have to use your memories or phantasies as a turn on, no matter if you masturbate or if you have sex with a girl.

It is normal to let your phantasies develop freely during masturbation. Also, many people will indulge in secret phantasies when they have sex with their partner although the best feeling would be to find your arousal in nothing else than your partner. (Isn't it a form of cheating otherwise?) But there is definitely something you'd change if you could when you know you are dependent of those phantasies in order to reach a really mind-blowing orgasm. Not your partner is the reason for such a climax but your phantasy then, and it is not a phantasy involving your partner but some other woman...

I know. You love your partner, do not cheat on her in the obvious sense but do it in another sense which, for you, is not less intense. You may even think she is just "used" to reach a certain pleasurable degree of arousal and then "replaced" by your phantasy to go to the very end. And it would not help to let her know: Even if she wanted, she would be unable to replace your phantasy or at least that woman in your phantasy - by the very nature of your phantasy.

I don't know if this is what you feel but it is what I felt, and I had VERY similar questions like you. I can only say: I never found a solution, and I fear there is none. I found I could not make love to my partner under these conditions, but I was unable (or too coward) to explain the true reason for my abstinence, until she finally asked me if there was another woman. Of course there wasn't but in another sense there were many...

Judging from my own experience, I say: Yes, it will affect your ability to enjoy regular sex. And even more: I would be concerned indeed that it would get in the way of a long-term relationship. I am not talking about the problem of keeping it a secret by deleting your internet history. But, on the other hand, there is no choice. With this fetish, you can't say you don't want it any longer if it becomes a problem in your sex life. You are condemned to carry on. Exactly this is why I found this statement in quite a number of places in the internet : "I love it and I hate it at the same time" - referring to our fetish of female desperation/wetting.

**Omo Rashi** · November 5, 2011, 02:03 AM

Originally posted by Mr Jameson

This is all getting very deep, I'm truly sorry if I'm ruining anyone's wank.

No, finally we have such a deep end too here. Thank you.
(Wanking is not more than 90% of our life

. There is still room for something else.)

**Mr Jameson** · November 5, 2011, 02:50 AM

I've never really discussed these feelings with anyone like this, so thanks again for your replies. Hopefully as time goes on I'll become more comfortable with it all and work out ways that work for me.

In terms of long-term relationships, my ideal situation would be to be with a girl who came out drinking with me every so often, and so ended up having the occasional desperation/wetting incident that I could keep in the memory bank, without it being a regular problem that made her unhappy, or something intentional and contrived.

I'm really grateful to you all for discussing this with me. You've done a good deed for today. very impressive for a bunch of seedy perverts on a fetish website.

**LilLucy** · November 5, 2011, 05:05 AM

concerned

hi, I followed this thread with interest, except for quitpr11s long ones, I already had a couple of his, and he always sounds like a wellmeaning minister or shrink, no offense

but I dont get you

in my opinion there is reason for concern, which you guys obviously dont see

so Mrjameson, you get of on seeing some strange woman being humiliated and in missery for having an genuine wetting accident in her pants,
it wont do anything for you if she is playacting or enyoying it herself

thats something you should seriously be giving some thought, and not only how it could influence your relationship with your gf, which I really dont see,
cause being emotionally connected you wouldnt like to see her in such circumstances, if I understood you right

it is all in your mind at the moment, and your post shows that at least you did
reflect it a bit, but take care that you dont do that all for the wrong reason

**KingPlant** · November 5, 2011, 05:47 AM

I did put the hat on it a few posts ago where I said he didn't want them to know about his fetish because it would spoil it for him.

It is a concern that he wants to keep it from his partner. Most readers of this forum would LOVE it if their partner was as into the fetish as they are.

I am one of the very lucky ones as my fetish matches that of my partner perfectly. I have to tell you all it took me 40 years to find the right person to share my love of this fetish. We both love it, and read this forum together.

It has been muted on here that the fetish shouldn't be considered when picking your future partner but to me that is paramount to a healthy relationship. Likewise, a relationship will not last if all you have in common is the fetish. That's why it is hundreds of times more difficult for someone with a fetish to find the right partner.

It's like being a millionair, does he/she want me for my money or me...

**quietpr11** · November 5, 2011, 10:56 AM

I didn't say there was no reason for concern. I was trying to get across the point that it isn't so much that he likes that sort of scene...it's that he's divorcing his sex drive form his emotions. I think that's an unhealthy state to be in and told him so...but I don't think the root of the problem is the fetish itself...it's the divide between his emotions and his fantasies that I would be trying to understand if I were him.

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