Serious question about this fetish

[quietpr11]

I would also say, incidentally, that there's something funny about a world where people argue that their lives are better lived carefully avoiding real reflection...sorry if I sound like a well-meaning psychologist (which I take it you think is a bad thing?...that's something I'd be wondering about if I were you...and I don't say that to be insulting)...I like to think about my world and what makes people who they are...I don't see what's wrong with that.

[Wetman]

I personally only like desperation/wetting, REAL desperation/wetting.

My current girlfriend knows about it and while she wasn't originally into it, she partakes. While she definitely skips going to the bathroom often, sometimes she doesn't tell me and just gets really desperate. This leads to a few different things. While we were both baked, watching some comedy movie, she started laughing hysterically and, because she skipped the bathroom during the movie, peed _everywhere_. This WAS a legitimate turn-on. Even though it was planned, I wasn't in on it till it happened.

Also worth mentioning is that, because she know that I only like the desperate/accident/humiliation, she has helped me get some of her friends desperate, tho never bringing them to a point of wetting (it's harder than you think) is a legitimate turn-on.

That being said, I quite possible have the best girlfriend ever. (I mean she we her self while we were playing portal 2 co-op while baked (Pee, Video Games and weed, my three favourite things.)) I think most girls, once you have a good emotional connection, will try very hard to get you turned on and get you off, make a connection, be honest, and she'll want to do it for you, just the way you want.

Yet another thing worth mentioning is that I do partake in her fetishes (blood). While I'm not into it completely, I make every effort to do it how she likes it half the time.

Hope this helps.

[pissed_myself]

"I love it and I hate it at the same time"

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up... I love it but at times it is totally a curse... Overall, it makes my life much more interesting than I am sure it is for many other people, that is my optimist view anyways...

[Dane]

First of all...what a pleasure to see people here discussing in a civilized manner about the more complex sides of our fetish.

I actually wish there was a section just for that...as it is far too often neglected.

I'm reaching my late forties now, and have battled my feelings since my teens.
My thing is to be turned on by women into wetting...or women wetting themselves. But the twist is that I don't like to wet myself...so the fetish is just this strange attraction to women wanting to wet themselves.
If it's an accident, it makes it more complicated...as I would feel sorry for her, and want to help her...but probably be turned on by it somewhere in the background.

But the real turn-on is the woman who secretly just likes to wet herself...and I have been fortunate to know a few.

Your concerns are totally legitimate, and I don't have any easy fix at all.
The thing I can say, is that your perception and narrowness will change if you meet someone that you can share and indulge with.
It's like a fetish tends to narrow itself down when left only with the bearers imagination...and once subjected to real life dynamics, has a way of making all new connections and alter itself somewhat to a real world situation.

But personally I have also experienced how a partner can abuse the knowledge of your secret sides...both as a way of breaking in through your secret door, and getting to you when you really wish they didn't, and also to accuse you of getting them to do things they really didn't want to.
This especially if someone is in love with you, and just uses any means to get your attention...but in reality is disgusted with the act itself.

I have also experienced to meet my 100% perfect match on my fetish side...and not fall in love with her at all.
It was really frustrating to be with someone who could read your secret mind like an open book...and then find everything else about her unattractive.

So where am I at this age? ...Not really a lot closer to any solution I'm afraid.
I have less drive and urgency at this age to just settle with something vanilla...been there done that. And I'm also reluctant to tell any woman I might be dating or seeing, about my secret side...out of fear that she might lead me to believe she's into it just to get my attention.

So somewhere between a rock and a hard place...but still buying tickets in life's lottery, and betting on the slim chance of meeting someone I can be fulfilled with.

On the good side, I'm still best friends with the wetting girls I have been lovers with, and also those who took advantage of knowing the key to my back door.

So yeah...your concerns are justified.

Oh well...just wanted to cheer you up a bit

[LilLucy]

dont be a sourpus quitpr11, I never said its a bad thing

I think you really want to help and you always giving good advice,
but can come across a bit patronizing at times, come on admit it

I think you all are a nice bunch, but a bit of a boys club, but I dont mind

[quietpr11]

Sorry...but I don't see how anything I said here comes across as patronizing. That would imply that I intended to make someone feel subordinate to me - i.e. that I was using language intended to confuse...like a meta-message or something. I was speaking plainly and honestly and trying to help the original poster. He asked a serious question, I gave him a serious answer.

[quietpr11]

This actually makes me wonder...

And should I be accused of being a sourpuss for thinking about this one a little further, I assure you, I am not angry...just feeling a bit left out. I am trying to figure out what it is about my typical posting style that would be called patronizing...perhaps others have an opinion on that subject as well. I am a part-time fiction writer and a full-time scientist which leads me to the often-unconscious use of bigger words on occasion (I like language and have a head filled with the written word). Is that the source of the trouble? Am I sounding condescending without intending it just because I speak at least partially in what a Londoner might call "high English"? I don't know what could be done about that if it were the case, but I am curious.

It could be a philosophical thing as well...some people don't like spending a great deal of time thinking about their own motivations and behavior and say that doing so just leads them to be less decisive and to enjoy life less...I am always doing that and I realize it's not common to everyone, but I was depressed for a good long while and got out of it by understanding my own shortcomings and thoughts better and I think there is great power in self-discovery and self-awareness. If you think I was calling the original poster thick or something, that's not what I was saying. I just wanted to help...and I believed the idea of understanding your own thoughts and feelings would be particularly relevant to the original poster. That's all there was there.

[KingPlant]

All I think is, as a scientist, you analise every angle, which is above the level of the inteligence of the readers.

In other words - they don't understand what you are saying. (that's just for the readers who didn't understand my first sentance.)

[quietpr11]

Nah...I don't think I'm talking above the intelligence level of the forum...I just think there's a divide in how some of us prefer to go through life (internally examined and studious vs. spontaneous and externally focused). Some might accuse me of navel gazing even, though I think less about myself these days than I used to (a key to recovering from depression and doubt associated with my fetish...focusing on what makes me similar to others, rather than what makes me different) and more about others in the fetish community.

[KingPlant]

Nah...I don't think I'm talking above the intelligence level of the forum...I just think there's a divide in how some of us prefer to go through life (internally examined and studious vs. spontaneous and externally focused). Some might accuse me of navel gazing even, though I think less about myself these days than I used to (a key to recovering from depression and doubt associated with my fetish...focusing on what makes me similar to others, rather than what makes me different) and more about others in the fetish community.

Why suffer depression over your fetish. I have never felt depressed. I know it's what I love and I don't consider it a fetish. Neither does my wife who loves our variation of sex.

There are so many different aspect to sex and why should one be called 'normal' and all the rest called 'fetish'. Who decided on what was what.

Love what you do and enjoy it. Better if you can find a partner to enjoy it with.

[Patches]

quietpr11, you are an INTJ (a Myers-Briggs personality type). You will know what I mean and everyone else can Google it. This is a good thing. It allows your mind to work as an analytical scientist as well as an imaginative fiction writer.

As Socrates so eloquently put it, "the unexamined life is not worth living," and you have taken the philosophical route for understanding yourself rather than be guided by the whims of your emotions. Other people will understand themselves in terms of their emotions and this is not a bad thing... it is just a different route for seeing ourselves from a different perspective.

Enough said! I better quit before I confuse myself!

[quietpr11]

Why suffer depression over your fetish. I have never felt depressed. I know it's what I love and I don't consider it a fetish. Neither does my wife who loves our variation of sex.

There are so many different aspect to sex and why should one be called 'normal' and all the rest called 'fetish'. Who decided on what was what.

Love what you do and enjoy it. Better if you can find a partner to enjoy it with.

I'm not depressed about it anymore...not in the slightest...and what I have doesn't actually quite rise to the level of pure fetishism because, when with a woman that I truly love and who truly loves and understands me, I am perfectly capable of enjoying many other types of sexual fantasy and play. Obviously, I agree now that I shouldn't get depressed about my different sexual interests and have devoted a lot of time to studying and thinking about why I like what I do and why other people like what they do because now I just find it fascinating.

But there was a time when I thought that no one would understand me well enough for me to tell them about my interests. And that, along with other fears of mine led to the depression. I am recovered at this point...and have proven myself wrong about the fetish...my current, very serious, gf knows what I like and seems to be interested in seeing what effect it has on me when we get further along toward marriage. And as I've documented elsewhere, I think the key to my success was in focusing on loving someone and building a deep trust between us...and introducing the fetish-esque stuff gently and bit by bit over time.

[quietpr11]

quietpr11, you are an INTJ (a Myers-Briggs personality type). You will know what I mean and everyone else can Google it. This is a good thing. It allows your mind to work as an analytical scientist as well as an imaginative fiction writer.

As Socrates so eloquently put it, "the unexamined life is not worth living," and you have taken the philosophical route for understanding yourself rather than be guided by the whims of your emotions. Other people will understand themselves in terms of their emotions and this is not a bad thing... it is just a different route for seeing ourselves from a different perspective.

Enough said! I better quit before I confuse myself!

Hello Patches!

I agree...I have been tested for personality types in like four different ways, three of which were at my own request. The Myers-Briggs tests have always come back INTJ or IxTJ (the N/S category is mixed for me because I do my best learning through visualization and listening...perceive sex very sensually, etc...but at the same time, my logical framework relies on supposition based on what seems intuitively most plausible, rather than requiring sensory proof before making decisions. So you are right about the general personality type.

And I agree that other personality types will not spend much time on philosophy or psychology because they are inherently emotional and reactive and prefer it that way. I think, however, that my point to folks like LilLucy and the original poster on this thread is that even if you prefer not to over-analyze, it's good to develop skills outside your normal personality type and become a more well-rounded problem solver...every little bit helps. I actually became a better-rounded student when I embraced my emotions more in creative writing and in music and theater. Skills normally outside my range that I have worked hard to hone because they do me good. Examining one's life and motivations doesn't have to go as far as I take it...but working on understanding why you do things that, when you think about it, worry you and make you unhappy, can save you a lot of anguish.

[Dane]

Another classic example of a good thread that gets derailed into personal bickering...and totally loses the topic

[KingPlant]

too many people pull themselves apart just because they like to see a woman wet herself - get over yourself and either enjoy it or fuck it off. - simples