Reality vs. Porn

[quietpr11]

This isn't meant as an attack on pornography, but I have learned a valuable lesson in the last two days.

Reality is far...FAR more potent than pornography.

I was on the phone with my fiance this past Friday when she happened to mention, just in passing, that she'd had a little mishap happen to her on her morning run. Seems she'd been jogging in the woods, thought she had to pass a little gas, and instead peed a bit in her pants. Then on the way home, it happened again when she was trying to tie her shoes...just a couple of small leaks that didn't leave a terribly visible spot (I asked - she said there was a wet spot the size of a silver dollar between her legs, largely out of view while she was walking/running). This story caused me to feel light-headed! All the blood was in one place, and it wasn't my brain. The erotic power of this entirely authentic little "oops" moment from someone I cared about and who I knew was fully aware that telling me this story would excite me far and away dwarfed any buzz I've ever gotten looking at web content.

Just a bit ago, I posted that I'd become utterly bored by web-based porno...it still got me aroused enough for some quick gratification, but hardly had a lasting pull on me. But this tame little story from the soon-to-be-missus caused me to be so erotically charged that I needed release three times in 12 hours. Only reason it wasn't more was that my poor member got a little raw! Yeah...I'll take reality over porn any day of the week.

Just ask yourselves this question: if you saw a web video of a girl having a teeny little accident like described above, would you be excited enough to masturbate three times in 12 hours over it? Or would you be complaining that this girl obviously didn't really have to go, didn't pee enough, wasn't enthused about it, etc?

A friendly reminder - strive for what's real and what relates to true trust and intimacy - not for fleeting, giddy little thrills.

[Percival]

I'd prefer the 'real' any day.

However, as a sad and lonely middle-aged man, I'm stuck with virtual thrills for the foreseeable future.

When I did have a girlfriend (briefly, over a year ago), she did tell me about how she'd wet herself while waiting for a cab with some friends in Ibiza. Yes, that certainly got me going!
Unfortunately, despite many promises, she never did get around to wetting for me.

[quietpr11]

Hey Percival...

Sorry to hear you're unhappy. I suppose the question would be...why are you lonely at the moment and what can you do to change that?

I'm not unfamiliar with such states...I was depressed for three years in the middle of what should have been my salad days (last decade, during my prime undergraduate college years) - took a lot of work and a little chemical intervention to get the ball rolling again. Whatever your troubles, I sincerely hope you will see an end to them some day soon.

[Vic]

For me, reality (either current or as a memory) WAY wins as compared to even the best porn.
There simply is nothing that can be better than all 5 senses engaged in something that is actually HAPPENING (preferably with a woman you love), as compared to only 2 senses (at most- sight & hearing) with a woman you've never met, or ever will meet, on a screen or a printed page.
This is not to disrespect quality porn- it has it's place, and I do partake often.
I just far more enjoy memories of playtimes with my Dear Wife, and the anticipation of more to come (though, frankly, "life" has been kicking us both around a bit for the last couple of years...)
Best Wishes- Vic

[quietpr11]

Hey Vic,

Sorry to hear you haven't had a good run of it lately. The best to the both of you - seems lots of people I've talked to lately are having a bad run...:\

I doubt that it will be viewed as controversial even here that real life > porn.

The question is...even with my general agreement that sometimes fantasies are necessary to keep one hopeful and help one figure out what he or she wants out of life...is the porn distracting us from doing the things we need to do to be happier? I think, after many years of soul-searching, that I wasn't approaching the quest for a relationship in the healthiest possible manner in the past...and that all the time I spent wallowing in porn led me to a more negative self-image (especially regarding my fetish), rather than a more positive one (since when you travel the fetish world, you are bound to encounter things that aren't particularly aspiring toward healthy relationships and those things can color your own judgment about who you are vs. who you want to be).

In all my years of searching, I've never found a community dedicated to frank discussions about sexual fantasy that did not attract a lot of folks who just wanted instant gratification. It's easy, therefore, to get sucked into chasing instant gratification yourself, and then feeling guilty about it later.

[Percival]

I suppose the question would be...why are you lonely at the moment and what can you do to change that?

No job/money or place of my own makes it difficult. I don't meet any new people either. I never had much luck when I did though. I was single for 18 years until my last girlfriend and have been single for a year since her. I have also been involuntarily celibate now for about 8 or 9 years (my last girlfriend was a virgin who did not want to have sex before marriage).

The older I get, the harder it gets to meet girls (yes, I have tried online dating - I must be one of the few for whom it doesn't work).

I think my personality tends towards the schizoid. My fetishes are really not much of an issue for me.

[quietpr11]

No job/money or place of my own makes it difficult. I don't meet any new people either. I never had much luck when I did though. I was single for 18 years until my last girlfriend and have been single for a year since her. I have also been involuntarily celibate now for about 8 or 9 years (my last girlfriend was a virgin who did not want to have sex before marriage).

The older I get, the harder it gets to meet girls (yes, I have tried online dating - I must be one of the few for whom it doesn't work).

I think my personality tends towards the schizoid. My fetishes are really not much of an issue for me.

What do you do for fun? What are your interests? I always met friends and potential partners by sharing common interests - people are drawn to passion and motivation...because that's where happiness lies. And the bottom line is...they are drawn to happiness. I'm sure you've heard all of that before though, so I'll stop quoting platitudes. :\

I hope you find some slice of happiness though.

[Percival]

What do you do for fun?

Watch TV and films, listen to music, cook. All at home, so I'm not going to meet anyone doing those!

I'm sure you've heard all of that before though, so I'll stop quoting platitudes. :\

I hope you find some slice of happiness though.

Pretty much. I'm a bit of a lost cause really. I've given up trying.

Thanks for caring though.

[partykleid]

Video with member of this forum!

Did you already know about it?!

Video with member of this forum was uploaded on YouTube!
It is so shoking...
You must know about it.
You must see it!
It is really he - just look it carefully.

Here is URL:

---
Added:
Sorry, it was removed on YouTube!
Uploaded video here:
http://mon-entrepreneur.com/STRIPTEASE.htm

So, hero...
What you will say to your parents after that?

[partykleid]

Video with member of this forum!

Did you already know about it?!

Video with member of this forum was uploaded on YouTube!
It is so shoking...
You must know about it.
You must see it!
It is really she - just look it carefully.

Here is URL:

---
Added:
Sorry, it was removed on YouTube!
Uploaded video here:
http://mon-entrepreneur.com/STRIPTEASE.htm

So, hero...
What you will say to your parents after that?

[Maria]

quietpr11 writes:

The question is...even with my general agreement that sometimes fantasies are necessary to keep one hopeful and help one figure out what he or she wants out of life...is the porn distracting us from doing the things we need to do to be happier?

I have my own thoughts on this. All the available porn on this fetish is oriented towards men who like to watch women doing it. A heterosexual woman has absolutely no interest in watching such materials.

The porn may distract you from seeking out partners who might be willing to satisfy your fetish. I understand how many people would be afraid to broach the topic of this fetish to another person, especially if you have not been dating them for very long. For a woman it is probably easier. Just fidget and squirm and say, "Oh, don't make me laugh so much! I might have an accident!" Then watch the guy's eyes. Trust me, it isn't that hard to spot someone who wishes you WILL have an accident.

All the same, there are any number of women who are well aware of the fact that some folks like this fetish, and any woman who has ever raised a child knows for certain that babies wet their pants every day and still grow up to be doctors, lawyers, and politicians -- in other words, they know that this "fetish" is completely harmless. One of the big complaints that women have is that they wish men would be more imaginative. Under the circumstances, there are more women than you might imagine who would be willing to give it a try.

But if you stay home in a dark room with your computer 24/7, it's pretty darn certain that you will never meet them.

[quietpr11]

Hey Maria,

I pretty much agree with everything you said (as I've obviously made clear already from previous posts here) - my life moved forward when I decided that I was going to have to seek out a healthy relationship first and foremost, and that a woman would likely be more receptive to my fetish if she knew and trusted me and had reached the point where she was turned on by turning me on (and vice versa - where it turned me on to turn her on). Cooperative sexuality opens up the mind...I've seen it happen with my fiance and one previous girlfriend (I never did anything with that girlfriend, as I prefer to wait until marriage or darned close to have sex fully and be that intimate - but she was open to it once she started feeling close to me, despite my initial trial balloons on the subject getting batted away).

My fiance started out with an instinctive "ew!" response when we read about golden showers in a sex tips article in a magazine (I found it and thought it would be interesting to see what she would say). And she later confirmed that if I'd pushed the issue early, she'd have run for the hills. But she gradually went from "not at all turned on by that thought" to "wow, it really turns you on that much even to hear me peeing in the next room, let alone see it some day?" to "I bet we could have fun aiming for each other!" to "I couldn't relax enough to enjoy sex while I had to pee the way you wanted unless I knew I just pee on you..." (I assured her that nothing would make me happier!) to "if we were married right now, I'd just pee on you!" to "what, you want me to wet me pants?" (she was responding to a joke I told about her being jittery when she was desperate and me thinking it was a way I could get revenge for her not being ticklish while I'm ticklish everywhere) to "hey guess what? I had a little accident today while running" (and later admitting she told me that story because she knew it would turn me on)

Bottom line...porn is more immediate and is a safe bet...but life is a hell of a lot more fun if you put it aside and spend some time trying to connect and form a trusting relationship.

[Vic]

Porn vs. Reality...

I pretty much am in sync with the other members posting on this thread.
I must say, it's truly refreshing to have a reasoned "give-and-take" with others, as compared to- "Check out the shadow in this YouTube- she might have peed...".
My Dear Wife Marie is far more bold than I am, due to a very repressed childhood on my part, and a great adventuresome spirit on her part. She LOVES to "push the envelope" with me, and to savor me squirming as I move past my innate childhood inhibitions to embrace wet fun.
Good luck to all- Vic