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Marnie - Chapter 3

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  • Marnie - Chapter 3

    Chapter 3

    Marnie was being held pretty strongly by the guy, a scruffy guy with a long, scraggly beard, and he stank – of cigarettes and booze. He was just standing there, holding her in the headlock. She hooked her left foot around the guy's left ankle and thrust her whole body back while pulling her left foot forward. The guy fell backward with a hell of a crash. Marnie was off him in an instant and crouched in the karate fighting stance, her hands and feet lethal weapons. But she didn't need to do anything. The guy was out cold. Must have hit his head on the ground, Marnie mused.

    She immediately turned her attention to Shelby. The three guys were approaching her and she was backing up. Marnie started to trot toward them, silently. Shelby noticed her and stopped backing up. She stood her ground and stared at the three men evenly. The three of them stopped then and looked at each other. They didn't know quite what to make of the situation.
    Then one of them said, “Come on guys, she's just a dumb blonde, no problem”.
    “Yeah, you're right”, a second guy said. The third guy just shrugged. By then Marnie was about 10 feet behind them. She had approached in complete silence, so they didn't know she was there. Shelby had a small grin on her face. She knew the pain they were about to experience. Marnie started to spin and went into a perfectly executed spinning whip kick to the centre of the middle guy's back. He was blasted forward into the cube van and then slumped to the pavement, unconscious. The other two guys whipped around and saw Marnie standing there calmly, weighing them up and down.
    “Come on, let's get her”, one of them said.
    “Yeah”, the other guy said. They started advancing on her. Then they were to either side of her. She brought her hands together down by the tops of her legs and lowered her head down. The guys looked at each other and frowned. “Huh?”, one of them said.
    “I dunno”, the second guy said. Suddenly, blindingly fast and completely without warning, Marnie shot upward and at the same time whipped both her legs out, one to each side and took out both guys at once. They fell to the pavement unconscious. Marnie wiped her hands and said, “Well, that takes care of them”.

    “I would be lost without you sweetheart”, Shelby said, with a catch in her voice.
    “Oh baby”, Marnie said with tremendous feeling in her voice.
    They came together and hugged, just hugged, for a long time. After a while they stopped hugging and kissed passionately. Then Marnie said, “Well, I guess we'd better call the police”.
    “Yeah, I guess we'd better”, Shelby agreed, “How long are these guys going to be out cold?”.
    “Probably a long time yet. I hit them pretty hard”, Marnie said.
    “You didn't hit them hard enough to kill them did you?”, Shelby asked then, alarmed.
    “No, no, just knocked them out”, Marnie replied.
    “Okay, good”, Shelby said with a sigh of relief.
    She had her cell phone out and was dialing the police. They answered and she told them everything, including that if they got here quick all four of them were sleeping peacefully and waiting for them. Shelby was hanging up when the first police cruiser skidded to a stop at the scene. Then three more showed up. The officers said, “Are these them?”.
    “Yep, that's them”, Marnie said.
    The cops put cuffs on them and sat them up against the side of the cube van.
    “Who did this to them?”, one of the cops asked.
    “I did”, Marnie said.
    “What did you do, use a monkey wrench?”, the cop asked.
    “Nope, just my hands and feet”, Marnie said.
    “Just your hands and feet?”, the cop said in surprise.
    “Yep, I'm a brown belt in karate”, Marnie said.
    “Oh, okay”, the cop said, “Obviously you didn't use lethal force with them”.
    “Obviously”, Marnie replied, “That guy inside the front door of the house is in bad shape. He might have a concussion”.
    “There's a fourth guy?”, the cop said.
    “Yep”, Marnie replied.

    Several cops ran toward the house and when they got there the guy was on his feet and clutching the back of his head.
    “Ohh, ohh”, the guy muttered.
    The cops grabbed him and put cuffs on him. They told him he was under arrest and read him his rights.
    “Take him to the hospital, but keep him under guard”, one of the cops said to the others.
    They put him in the back of a police cruiser and headed for the hospital, with lights and sirens. The third cop, who was standing by the house with Marnie and Shelby, shook his head and said, “Rookies, gotta always use lights and sirens”.
    “Oh well, could be a lot worse, they could be driving like maniacs”, Marnie said.
    “Oh they do that to”, the cop said.
    “Really?”, Marnie said, “Weird”.
    “Yeah, well the sarge will straighten them out”, the cop said.
    “Yeah, or they'll be fired”, his partner said.
    “Yeah, that too”, the first cop said, “Anyway, let's get these guys into the cruisers”.
    “Right”, his partner replied.
    They loaded the guys into the cruisers and then left the scene, all except the one cop and his partner. They took statements from Marnie and Shelby and then left.

    Marnie looked at Shelby and said, “It's been quite a day”.
    “Has it ever”, Shelby said, “Has it ever”.
    “Let's get your stuff inside and then we can make love”, Marnie said.
    “Oh yes baby”, Shelby said, “Oh yes”.
    They quickly unloaded the stuff into the palatial house, and then Marnie stood and peed her pants.
    “God that feels good”, Marnie said.
    Shelby peed her pants then too.
    “Oh God yes”, Shelby said, “It feels so good it's a wonder it isn't banned”.
    Marnie chuckled and said, “That was a good one”.
    “Don't ever let them find out how good it feels”, Shelby said.
    Now Marnie was laughing. “You are so funny sweetheart”, she said.
    “Aw shucks, warn't nothin' “, Shelby replied.
    Marnie was laughing harder than ever when she finally started to catch her breath.
    “I love you Shelby”, Marnie said then, “I really do”.
    “Marnie, we've only known each other for a few hours”, Shelby said, “Don't you think it's a little soon to be saying that?”.
    “No, not at all”, Marnie said.
    “Well I do”, Shelby said.
    “Don't you love me?”, Marnie said then.
    “I didn't say that”, Shelby replied, “I care about you deeply, I honestly do”.
    “Well, let's go upstairs and make love”, Marnie said.
    “Oh yes”, Shelby said.

    They made their way upstairs to Marnie's bedroom where she had a king size bed, wet of course, waiting for them. They took off their clothes, each admiring the other's body, and then fell together in the bed. Marnie peed right away and warmed up the bed, but Shelby didn't need to pee. They began to make love. Shelby found herself staring at Marnies pulsing pussy and without hesitation plunged her face in and began to lick it ferociously. She was like a wild animal, full of passion and love and wildly licking and sucking on Marnie's pussy. She could feel Marnie licking and sucking her pussy and suddenly she orgasmed, then again, and again. It was incredible. Marnie kept licking her throughout her orgasms. They collapsed in a tight embrace then and just lay their, copping little feels and steeling little kisses.
    “Sweetheart?”, Marnie said, “I do love you. I love you so much”.
    “I care for you very, very deeply”, Shelby said, “You're very special, very, very special”.
    “Thank you sweetheart”, Marnie said then with tremendous feeling, “Thank you so much”.
    “You are so welcome”, Shelby said.
    Shelby needed to pee then, so she let it go immediately and soaked the bed.
    “You're peeing”, Marnie said, “That's so nice of you sweetheart”.
    “Thank you”, Shelby said with a smile.
    “Mmmmm, feels so good”, Marnie said as she felt Shelby's pee soaking the bed.
    “It feels amazing to wet the bed”, Shelby said. Just a week ago she would have been horrified at the thought.
    “For someone who was not allowed to pee your pants and wet your bed as a kid, you sure do like it now”, Marnie said.
    “I love it”, Shelby said, “I don't know why I didn't do it sooner, I really don't”.
    “Well, you're doing it now”, Marnie said, “And that's all that matters”.
    Just then Marnie started to pee as well, adding her pee to Shelby's flow. Together, they super-saturated the bed. They snuggled down into each other and fell asleep.

    About 4 hours later Marnie woke up and immediately saw the tall, dark figure looming over the bed. She screamed and backed away. Then suddenly she woke up again. She hadn't actually woken up the first time, she'd still been asleep and dreaming. But now she was well and truly awake. She looked at Shelby, who still slept beside her. She reached over and gently smoothed some hair off her face.
    “I love you Shelby Kromer”, she whispered, “I love you so much”.
    She ever so gently kissed Shelby on the lips and that woke her up.
    “Hey baby”, she said sleepily. She smiled and said, “You're awake sweetheart?”.
    “Yes”, Marnie said, “I had a bad dream”.
    “Oh no”, Shelby said, “Are you okay now baby?”.
    “Yes, I'm fine”, Marnie said.
    “Come into my protecting arms sweetheart”, Shelby said, “I'll look after you”.
    “Thank you sweetheart”, Marnie said with a smile as she settled into Shelby's loving arms.
    “You are so welcome”, Shelby replied. She was drifting off to sleep again already. Marnie needed to pee again so she did it in bed and then drifted off to sleep.

    The next morning Shelby did her morning pee in bed. She lay there peeing for a solid 4 minutes, loving every second of it. The mattress actually squelched it had so much pee in it, and Shelby loved it. Marnie woke up then, but didn't need to pee. She had already peed several times in her sleep.
    “Hey baby”, she murmured sleepily.
    “Hi sweetheart”, Shelby said with a smile.
    “Well, we might as well get up”, Marnie said, “We've got another whole day of peeing our pants ahead of us after all”.
    “Yes, definitely”, Shelby said.

    They got up and had a shower together. They each orgasmed at least three times in the shower, and on one occasion Marnie peed.
    “I'm saving mine to do in my pants”, Shelby said.
    “There are times when I wish I could”, Marnie said, “But that's okay, I pee quite often so I'll soon need to pee again”.
    “That's the sprirt sweetheart”, Shelby said.
    Marnie smiled lovingly at Shelby. They stepped out of the shower and towelled each other down, lingering at the pussy and breasts and ass. They got dressed in their panties and jeans from yesterday. They smelled powerefully of pee, but they didn't care. They would soon be peeing in their pants, and that's all that mattered to them. They stayed topless in the house for breakfast, stopping occasionally to rub their breasts together and feel each other's asses. After breakfast they put their bras and blouses on and got ready to go out.
    “So, what do you want to do today?”, Marnie said.
    “Oh I don't know, go for a walk?”, Shelby said.
    “Yeah, we could do that”, Marnie said.
    “It sounds like you're not terribly enthused about that”, Shelby said.
    “Well, we've gone for walks before”, Marnie said.
    “Not hand in hand”, Shelby said.
    “You'd do that in public?”, Marnie asked, startled.
    “Sure, why not?”, Shelby said.
    “Well, I just didn't think you'd want to do that”, Marnie said.
    “Sweetheart, I care about you deeply”, Shelby said, “You're very, very special to me, very precious. Why wouldn't I want to hold your hand?”.
    “That is so sweet”, Marnie said, “Thank you so much sweetheart”.
    “You are so welcome”, Shelby said with tremendous feeling.
    They embraced then and kissed passionately. Shelby peed her pants then. She closed her eyes and revelled in how good it felt. It felt supreme, beyond supreme.
    “God that was good”, Shelby said.
    “Sweetheart, you are totally hooked on peeing your pants”, Marnie said.
    “Yes, I am baby”, Shelby replied, “I'm addicted to peeing my pants and wetting the bed”.
    “That's good”, Marnie replied, “That's the best way to be”.
    “I agree”, Shelby said, “So, shall we go?”.
    “Look at you”, Marnie said, “You want to hold hands with me in public, and you've peed your pants. You are so incredible, and I am so grateful that you're my sweetheart”.
    “I'm so grateful that you introduced me to peeing my pants”, Shelby said.
    “No problem”, Marnie said, “For you sweetheart, anything”.
    “Thank you sweetie”, Shelby said.
    “Yes, we shall go”, Marnie finally answered Shelby's question.
    They held hands and walked out the door.

    Downtown they were walking hand in hand and peeing their pants when they needed to. People were doing double takes, but that's about it. They were left alone. At one point Marnie overheard a girl of about 12 talking to her mom.
    “Mom, those two girls just peed their pants”, she said, “Just like you allow me to do”.
    “Yes, I saw that sweetie”, her mom replied.
    “I'm gonna start doing it when we're out from now on”, the girl said.
    “Oh you are, are you?”, her mom said.
    “Yep! I am!”, the girl replied.
    The girl promptly peed her pants fully.
    “Jenny!”, her mom exclaimed.
    “It is so cool to pee my pants when we're out”, Jenny said.
    “Well, I suppose, if you want to...”, her mom said.
    “I do mom, I do!”, Jenny replied.
    “Next thing you know you'll be making out with other girls”, her mom said wryly.
    “Hey yeah, I could!”, Jenny said.
    “Now just a minute young lady”, her mom said, “I was just joking”.
    “But I'm not”, Jenny replied, “Look mom, now they're kissing!”.
    Marnie and Shelby had stopped walking and were kissing passionately.
    “Well, they're taking a chance doing it in public like that”, her mom replied.
    “They're just kissing mom”, Jenny said.
    “Yes, but two girls?”, her mom replied.
    “Sure, why not?”, Jenny said.
    “Well, it's okay with a guy and a girl, but two girls?”, her mom said.
    Just then a girl about the same age as Jenny came walking along.
    “Keira!!!”, Jenny shouted.
    She ran to her and whispered something in her ear, then she gestured toward Marnie and Shelby, who were still making out. Keira shrugged and she and Jenny began to kiss and Jenny felt Keira's ass. Jenny's mom stepped in.
    “Jennifer Susan Mordan”, she said angrily, “Stop what you're doing this instant!”.
    “Oh mom!”, Jenny said, stepping away from Keira.
    “Oh nothing”, her mom said, “You're not to do that in public. That's it”.
    “It's not fair”, Jenny said, pouting.
    “Well, I'll come over to your place later and we can have sex”, Keira said.
    “Okay”, Jenny said.
    “There, that's much better Keira”, Jenny's mom said.
    Keira peed her pants then. Jenny's eyebrows shot up.
    “Well I saw that you peed your pants”, Keira said.

    Marnie and Shelby stopped making out then and Marnie said, “Well, now that we've been walking around holding hands and peeing our pants, let's go home and make love”.
    “Oh yes baby, oh yes”, Shelby said.
    They continued to hold hands as they made their way back to Marnie's mansion. Marnie unlocked the door and they went inside, still holding hands. They began taking their clothes off as they walked up the stairs. When they got to the door of Marnie's room they were naked. Marnie opened the door and turned the light on. Keith was sitting in a chair, a nine milimetre automatic in his hand. He cocked the gun, pointed at Shelby and said, “Hi sweetheart”.

    End of Chapter 3
    Chapter 4 coming soon

  • #2
    You are aware you're not a good writer right? It's as if your stories were written by a twelve year old...

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by liesje
      You are aware you're not a good writer right? It's as if your stories were written by a twelve year old...
      @liesje - WARNING: Personal attacks will not be tolerated! FictionMan has been posting stories here ever since he was criticized for requesting money to write watersports stories. He was asked to post some sample stories so people could determine if his stories were worth receiving payment for custom written stories. This is what he has been doing.

      If you do not like his stories, either offer some helpful constructive criticism intended to help him improve his stories or else just don't say anything!

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Patches
        @liesje - WARNING: Personal attacks will not be tolerated! FictionMan has been posting stories here ever since he was criticized for requesting money to write watersports stories. He was asked to post some sample stories so people could determine if his stories were worth receiving payment for custom written stories. This is what he has been doing.

        If you do not like his stories, either offer some helpful constructive criticism intended to help him improve his stories or else just don't say anything!
        This can hardly be interpreted as a personal attack. It is an opinion about his writing skills. The stories are just plain ridiculous and I'm sure I'm not the only person who thinks so. I'm entitled to express that, and after all he wanted feedback so he got mine. If nobody tells him his stories suck he might go on living his life thinking he's Shakespeare reincarnated... I have nothing personal against the guy. How could I? I don't know him so I don't have an opinion about him. I have however read his stories, tried to like them and didn't.
        As for constructive criticism, not sure what I could add apart from taking a writing class or two?

        Love

        Liesje

        Comment


        • #5
          I agree with Liesje and find no personal attack in her comments. The plots created by the author of these stories is so far from plausible as to be absurd, and the writing is second rate.

          Comment


          • #6
            I'll offer some constructive feedback.

            When you're an artist -be it a writer, musician, painter, or whatever- your single biggest gauge of success is audience response. The more people put responses down, the more you have succeeded.

            And as an artist, you need to be able to gauge that response or else you are doomed to fail. After several posts, nobody responded until now, and it was to tell you they didn't think you were good. The important part of that is that nobody was responding earlier. That's what you needed to pay attention to. You can also see every new thread got fewer and fewer views. So that tells you something about how excited people were to read you.

            So now is the time when an artist needs to take an honest look at themselves. The art wasn't ready for public consumption because the artist wasn't matured yet. The very best thing you can do is go look at stories that people are enjoying very much, and ask yourself what about those stories makes them so good. What are people saying about them?

            Then step back and take a look at your own stories and ask yourself if you really believe they are high quality or not. Do you respect your own writing? Are you posting them so frequently because you are an expert writer, or because they are low quality and easy to pump out?

            I have a feeling you're a young guy who expected to make a big splash quickly and easily. Don't be discouraged by this. Start practicing and polish your craft. Until then, take your art out of public display. Work on yourself. Come back ever so often to test out the waters, but be ready to interpret response (or lack of it) and figure out what you can do better.

            Sorry if this is discouraging, but this is a writer's life. If you want to make money from it one day, be prepare to work very hard on both yourself and your product.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by liesje
              This can hardly be interpreted as a personal attack. It is an opinion about his writing skills. The stories are just plain ridiculous and I'm sure I'm not the only person who thinks so. I'm entitled to express that, and after all he wanted feedback so he got mine.
              It definitely is a personal attack. By definition even: it is both personal and destructive. "You are not a good writer."

              He asks for feedback about the story, not about himself.
              Saying that the story reads like it's written by a twelve-year old would be criticism about the story. It would be completely useless and very demotivating, but it would not be too personal.

              Similarly to you, Aquavitae gives criticism about the writer, but at least he does it constructively.

              Better criticism could be more about the story itself: the repeating patterns and the shallow and unrealistic characters that lacked development. I'm not good with stories though, so I can't really give good suggestions on how to improve these aspects. (I would normally refrain from commenting for this reason.)

              The thing is, feedback can be very motivating if it tells you what to improve, and very demotivating if it does not. As an author you'll want to do it better next time. However, if someone tells you you're bad at what you do without helping you improve, you're not going to practice, because the result will be the exact same. People tend to be blind to many of their own flaws, so they need the feedback to improve their work.

              I hope I wasn't too preachy, but I think it's important to be aware of this kind of thing if you want to make/keep a healthy community.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Drying
                It definitely is a personal attack. By definition even: it is both personal and destructive. "You are not a good writer."

                He asks for feedback about the story, not about himself.
                Saying that the story reads like it's written by a twelve-year old would be criticism about the story. It would be completely useless and very demotivating, but it would not be too personal.

                Similarly to you, Aquavitae gives criticism about the writer, but at least he does it constructively.

                Better criticism could be more about the story itself: the repeating patterns and the shallow and unrealistic characters that lacked development. I'm not good with stories though, so I can't really give good suggestions on how to improve these aspects. (I would normally refrain from commenting for this reason.)

                The thing is, feedback can be very motivating if it tells you what to improve, and very demotivating if it does not. As an author you'll want to do it better next time. However, if someone tells you you're bad at what you do without helping you improve, you're not going to practice, because the result will be the exact same. People tend to be blind to many of their own flaws, so they need the feedback to improve their work.

                I hope I wasn't too preachy, but I think it's important to be aware of this kind of thing if you want to make/keep a healthy community.
                Personally I appreciate blatant in your face honesty much more than political correctness. But that's just me...

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by liesje
                  Personally I appreciate blatant in your face honesty much more than political correctness. But that's just me...
                  Well this has nothing to do with political correctness.
                  Like you, I appreciate directness and honesty (possibly has to do with where we're from). It is possible to be direct, honest, and still give constructive criticism.

                  AquaVitae is giving constructive personal criticism without being too direct ("an artist" is just a roundabout way of saying "you"), but even if it was direct and in your face, it could still be helpful, because it is constructive.

                  If you give destructive criticism, they will feel like their work is not appreciated and they won't know how to improve it, so they will just stop posting. That's an effective way to kill a community and make people unhappy in the process.
                  It's even worse when this criticism is directed at the poster, not the content. Then they will feel like they are not appreciated, and they don't know how to improve.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Drying
                    Well this has nothing to do with political correctness.
                    Like you, I appreciate directness and honesty (possibly has to do with where we're from). It is possible to be direct, honest, and still give constructive criticism.

                    AquaVitae is giving constructive personal criticism without being too direct ("an artist" is just a roundabout way of saying "you"), but even if it was direct and in your face, it could still be helpful, because it is constructive.

                    If you give destructive criticism, they will feel like their work is not appreciated and they won't know how to improve it, so they will just stop posting. That's an effective way to kill a community and make people unhappy in the process.
                    It's even worse when this criticism is directed at the poster, not the content. Then they will feel like they are not appreciated, and they don't know how to improve.
                    If you care so much about his feelings, why don't you give him some constructive criticism instead of continuing this pointless discussion? I'm not interested.

                    Comment

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